Marriage Health with James & Teri Craft
With backgrounds in therapy and coaching, James and Teri Craft help your marriage through issues with communication, intimacy, conflict, or if you're just fighting to fall back in love with your partner. Aside from their certifications, the reason why James and Teri are so passionate about helping your marriage through challenges is because they've walked through the hardest things in their marriage and they wouldn't have made it if it weren't for help.
If you are fighting for your marriage, don’t face this fight alone.
Marriage Health with James & Teri Craft
We Helped 648 Affair Recovery Couples: THIS is the #1 Sign of Hope
Unlock the secrets to rebuilding your relationship stronger than ever by embracing a growth mindset. Discover how the willingness to heal and understand can transform even the most scarred relationships, as we share personal and professional insights into affair recovery. Learn how the attitudes and commitments both partners bring to this journey are far more important than the affair itself, and how this mindset can not only help you survive but thrive.
Meet Mike and Sarah, and Tom and Rachel, two couples navigating life post-infidelity. Mike's resistance to addressing underlying issues illustrates how a fixed mindset can stall progress, while Tom's commitment to therapy and Rachel's focus on self-healing exemplify how embracing a growth mindset leads to transformation. Their contrasting stories highlight the power of accountability, open communication, and emotional investment in overcoming betrayal and building a more intimate bond.
Recognize the red flags that could hinder your recovery journey and learn why reliability, transparency, and patience are crucial to healing. We'll introduce you to the "What Now" course, designed to guide you through personal healing and relationship challenges. With first-step coaching sessions and a commitment to a growth-oriented approach, find the support and resources you need through Marriage Health with James and Terry Craft. Embrace the possibility of miracles and success, and step into a future of personal and relational healing.
If you feel like you might need coaching our counseling, please visit https://www.livelifeunplugged.org/contact
You are walking through Affair Recovery and you're wondering what's going to happen. Will our relationship make it? Are we going to be okay? If you look on Google or YouTube, you're likely going to find very polarizing answers. It's either yes or no.
James Craft:I know you might be watching this in the most dark moment of your life. Maybe you just discovered the affair, or maybe you're months into this journey. Whatever brought you here, I want you to know that healing is possible.
Teri Craft:We have helped thousands of couples through Affair Recovery.
James Craft:After working with thousands of couples healing through infidelity, we noticed one crucial factor that determines success.
Teri Craft:One sign that we have seen that shows us that a couple can make it or not.
James Craft:It's not what most people think. It's not about the type of affair, how long it lasted.
Teri Craft:It's not even about how much initial remorse is shown.
James Craft:If you're going through affair recovery, the single biggest predicator which will determine if your relationship will make it or not, it's something that we call a growth mindset.
Teri Craft:A growth mindset is the one sign that we can see that shows us that a couple can make it or not. In this video, we're not only going to show why. We are going to show you exactly what a growth mindset means and how you and your partner can apply this mindset in your relationship to weather through affair recovery and come out the other side together.
James Craft:I'm also going to share with you three red flags that I want you to know about. That may you or your partner, whoever had the affair. This will show if they have, or have not, a growth mindset.
Producer:Marriage Health with James and Terry Craft.
Teri Craft:We have done this for 10 years. We have helped thousands of couples through affair recovery, betrayal, trauma, and what allows us to help couples, even more than our certifications, our professional license or our training, is the fact that we have walked through a fair recovery in our own lives as well. No matter where you are in your affair recovery journey if you're the one who's experiencing betrayal or if you're the one who committed the betrayal, we know what it's like to be in your shoes.
James Craft:We have walked through a fair recovery ourselves personally.
Teri Craft:This video won't answer every question that you have, but if you apply what we're going to describe, if you and your partner are both all in in your Affair Recovery, you can make it through the other side together.
James Craft:So many people come to us and they specifically ask for Terry and I to walk them through a journey personally. They have gone to counseling before, they have seen different therapists, but they want to join us in that journey because we understand it's not just a book knowledge that we're giving, it's not just a clinical knowledge that we're giving, but it's a personal, relational knowledge that we have as well because we've walked through this. Now you can't replicate exactly what I did, because I'm me and you're you, but we're field guides. We know what to look for, terry and I. It's different. We don't just walk by and we say, hey, good job, once a week we meet you and then we just kind of send you on your your own way. We walk through life with you. Terry walks through with the wife, I walk through with the husband and eventually we walk through with them as a couple together and walk people through their pain, betrayal and the devastation of their life.
Teri Craft:But here is the most important thing that we want you to hear if you're walking through affair recovery For couples who go all in in their affair recovery, we've not only seen couples survive through affair recovery, but we have seen couples develop an even more intimate and more beautiful relationship than they had before.
James Craft:But it requires something very specific from both partners.
Teri Craft:Let me explain what I mean by a growth mindset and how this applies to a fair recovery. So early on in a fair recovery, a growth mindset is likely going to show up in two different ways, depending on the person that we're talking about in the coupleship. Like if we're sitting there with a couple, the person who is been betrayed, the person who's you know, sitting there with their life ripped open, a growth mindset is going to sort of show up as I don't even know what direction is up right now. My life has been torn apart, but I want to be able to heal from this, whether or not my partner is going to walk those steps or not. Hopefully they will right, I mean, we don't just fall out of love with our partner just because they've made choices that have hurt us. Our heart is ripped out, we're in excruciating pain. But if we're wanting to walk through a fair recovery and we really want to see if this could be put back together, then a growth mindset is going to look a little bit like me sitting there kind of thinking, hey, I don't know the way forward, I'm devastated right now, but I want to be able. I want to be able to see that miracle in my life, no matter what my partner does, and I'm showing up in order to do that in a safe and supported environment.
Teri Craft:Now, for the person who has made the hurtful choices, the person who's actually been the betrayer in the relationship, that person, a growth mindset is going to look a lot like hey, I will do whatever it takes to show up, to follow the advice of the professionals who are walking us through this. To be honest, to be open, to start to understand why would I make those decisions in the first place? Why did I do what I did? What is going on with me? What is broken inside?
Teri Craft:How can I learn what it is to walk in health and what it is to walk in truth? And how do I create safety? How do I walk with good boundaries in my life so that I can be in relationship with my spouse, with other people, and that creates safety? And so the growth mindset is gonna be unrelenting and say, whatever it takes when it gets hard, I'm not gonna give up. I'm not gonna point fingers at my spouse and say, oh, it's because of them, because that's not the truth. I am going to show up and be willing to do whatever it takes and that is going to set me on a path, humble path. It's a willingness to go all in, to really grow and to heal.
James Craft:Let me tell you a story of two couples that we have worked with recently. Both of them experienced similar affairs, but their outcomes were completely different. Okay, the first couple. Let's call them Mike and Sarah.
Teri Craft:They approached the recovery process with sort of like a fixed mindset.
James Craft:Mike, who had the affair, just wanted to move past it.
Teri Craft:Like let's just move on.
James Craft:I mean he would say things like you know I said I'm sorry. He would say what else can I do? And he would become frustrated and irritable because he's not really wanting to go down beneath the surface and deal with the things that he's always spent his whole life avoiding. You know, there's a deep pain. There's a reason why he got himself into the place he was, and it was a place of avoidance. He wants to move on. Can we just move on to the future Without dealing with the past or even the present? You can't move into the future. You gotta deal with that baggage, or that baggage is gonna pull you back down and hold you hostage.
James Craft:A guy like Mike needs to stop being in control. See, a lot of times what guys wanna do is just go fix it. You can't just fix it. This is a problem with a lot of a fixed mindset is I just want to fix it and then I can then move on? Well, it's not about fixing the situation. It's allowing yourself to bring healing into the situation, and healing takes time. Time and lots of energy, lots of investment.
Teri Craft:But the second couple, let's call them Tom and Rachel. They approached their affair recovery completely different. They approached their affair recovery completely different. They approached their affair recovery with openness to grow. They decided they wanted to have a growth mindset, even in the pain. Tom, who betrayed Rachel, who was, let's just be honest, was reluctant at first.
James Craft:But he eventually was willing to dig deep to discover what happened. Why did I do what I did?
Teri Craft:He committed himself to therapy, to coaching, to group work. He was willing to look deep inside, to even his childhood wounds.
James Craft:Yeah, he showed up every single time. He went to his group support groups. He allowed other men to be a part of his recovery process, so there was accountability. He went to his coaching sessions groups. He allowed other men to be a part of his recovery process, so there was accountability. He went to his coaching sessions. He was there on time. He was doing his homework throughout the week, day in, day out. He was checking in, he was doing the work so that his brain that was broken. Narrow pathways were being reformed in his brain so he can have a different experience. He put the work in. There was a new I'm telling you, life-changing experience for him and his marriage and his family.
Teri Craft:And Rachel, even in her devastating pain, realized that this was a moment in time that she could get healing in her life as well through the same kind of commitment, the deep commitment to looking at how this pain and trauma and affair had impacted her and what kind of support was she going to need to walk through in a safe and healthy way. Not that she was responsible for the affair, because she wasn't, but she was willing to look deep into how could her heart heal from this betrayal trauma and what would it look like for her to have healthy and safe boundaries in the relationship that could take her to the next level of peace and intimacy and trust building.
James Craft:You know, rachel then requested Tom to put accountability software on all his devices and he did it His phone, computers and all his electronics. Accountability software is like accountable to you or covenant eyes, and when it does, whatever comes in and out of your devices is recorded. If there's nothing to be embarrassed of or ashamed of, no problem, you know, but you have other people who are partnering with you, and so I become a partner, so I get a report hey, what are the things you're looking at, you know? And so that you have accountability there, because there's never been accountability there in the past. So you can just do whatever you want to do, but now there's partnership. You don't live life in isolation.
Teri Craft:It's really a humble curiosity that says I am strong when I recognize that I have limits or that I'm not perfect or there's things that I need to grow in and I'm making the choice to do whatever it takes. I'm going to give you three warning signs that the person who has committed the affair is showing up in the process with a fixed mindset. Red flag number one is being unreliable.
James Craft:Being unreliable means you're not showing up. In a healthy relationship. When you say you're going to do something, you follow through and you do it, and your spouse doesn't have the second guess. If you're going to show up, you're not going to follow through on what you're supposed to do, and I'm not just talking about the trash can, but that could actually be taking the trash out, is it's a small portion of that being reliable. But you know, I'm just saying what you say you're going to do, you do it, you follow through and you do it.
James Craft:That's a huge deal about reliability. And you're actually saying I want to have a growth mindset as a couple, as a couple. So that means that you're in partnership, moving forward together, and that you're going to help lead that and be able to be a partner to push forward, rather than saying, oh, if my partner's not pushing for it, then I'm just going to back off and not do it as well. No, you continue to push for so that you could both grow and that you have a heart and a mindset that your partner gets to grow as well, that you get to be a support to them in that, and so that's what's being reliable. Being reliable is critical for growth in your relationship and healing to take place.
Teri Craft:Red flag number two is going to be whether they are being secretive about their healing journey.
James Craft:They just won't open up about their process, what they're learning, what they're discovering about themselves. They're not being honest about the healing that's taking place inside of them. You know, it's really important as you walk through a healing journey. If a husband and wife are working through this is this is I'm going to make it simple the husband this has had the affair and the wife has been betrayed and all of a sudden the husband starts to learn something about himself, learn about his own healing journey. If he's not relating that over, they're not being honest about that, then all of a sudden his spouse is kind of out there by themselves. They don't know there's healing taking place, they're just watching. Well, that's important for them to be honest about that, because what it's going to do, it's going to compliment what's happening on the external, the physical, like what they're doing. They're showing up, they're being kind, empathic, they're responsible, and so it's important for us not to be secretive in our healing journey.
James Craft:There's no more secrets here. No more secrets. We can't live in secrecy. We have to live in honesty and openness. We have to be transparent. That is sometimes the greatest challenge for couples because, honestly, they protect themselves for so long is. I can share with you only this much, because if I go beyond that, oh boy, you're gonna see that I'm really not a bad guy. That's what got us in the trouble in the first place is that we have shame wrapped around ourselves, and so we have to be honest about that, that healing process and be transparent and be inviting in our spouse at the right time, allowing your therapist, your coach, your counselor to be able to say hey, this is a great time for you to introduce or bring your spouse into this process and so that you mutually can move forward in that healing process.
Teri Craft:And red flag number three is if the partner, who has you know, committed the affair, is pushing the timetable and being really impatient.
James Craft:What does impatience mean? Well, I had many people have come to me and you know they I always tell them this you know what you got to. At least give me about nine to 12 months at least, because if you really want to look at if someone who's gone through addiction or betrayal, it's a three to five year process that you really have to look at of really seeing complete change take place. But the first year is really the hard, the gut wrenching work that you have to put yourself through and go through that process, the gut-wrenching work that you have to put yourself through and go through that process. Well, if someone's impatient and trust me, I've had many people, many people become impatient and month number three they're like gosh, I wish I was further along and they're not allowing themselves to really work through that challenge.
James Craft:Well, bottom line is that they will make every excuse possible why they should not be doing this any longer, and so they'll make an excuse why they should pull out, and they'll make themselves the sayings about themselves I'm doing better than what you think I am. Are we ever gonna get to the destination that we set out for? And sometimes it feels like that, and that's why patience carries us through those moments. So we don't give up in doing good. We keep moving forward and giving the effort that we need to to make it through, so that we can get to the destination together.
Teri Craft:I can't stress enough that walking through a fair recovery, that you have a professional counselor or coach that is experienced and is walking you through this process, you cannot do it alone.
James Craft:You can't do this on your own. Many people have tried and many people have failed. But if you have a partner because even the Bible talks about this two are better than one you need somebody there to strengthen you and be able to build you up and to be able to say hey got your blind spot because you're not seeing this and you've got to have someone alongside of you to help you and be able to build you up and to be able to say hey, got your blind spot because you're not seeing this and you've got to have someone alongside of you to help you grow. If you don't have that person, you're going to try to do it on your own, and that's what got you into this trouble in the first place.
Teri Craft:But having that extra support is so important.
James Craft:You might have been the one who betrayed your spouse or your spouse betrayed you. And you're listening to this right now and you're thinking what do I do? My encouragement is this reach out to us. You know we always have a link there that you can click on and you can reach out to us directly, because you can't do it on your own. You've heard me say that before.
James Craft:So many people have come to us and they try to do it on their own and they try to read a lot of books, which I'm not against. I want you to read because I want you to grow in knowledge. But if you try to grow in knowledge without someone else participating with you in that process, then what happens? You grow in knowledge only. You don't grow in healing, you don't grow in the experience, you don't grow in the transformation of the growth that takes place in you. You have to do this with somebody.
James Craft:Again, I believe that the Bible expressed many things of truth to us, but in James, chapter 5, it talks about this so clearly that God loves you so much. He says hey, I want you to confess your sins or your challenges to other people, friends, safe people, not just anybody. All right, because you only share your story with those who've earned the right to hear your people, not just anybody. All right, cause you only share your story with those who've earned the right to hear your story. Not everybody has earned that right, so you share that with somebody and God says I'll heal you if you do so. I don't know about you, but that's what I want in my life in every aspect, and always have, and so I've had to do that same thing, and we require that of other people we work with is that you got to share that with somebody else If you truly want the healing that you deep down inside desire for yourself, your marriage and your family.
Teri Craft:Listen, I understand what it feels like to walk through this process personally in my own life and I know that it can be really scary and can be really hard, and I want to encourage you if, if you know making the step to, to get um, you know that professional coaching or counseling is just feeling a little out of reach right now. We created a course called what Now and it really walks you through what each of those steps looks like and we carefully navigate with you through what you're experiencing personally and I want to recommend it to you because I think it's a great place to start.
James Craft:You know this resource. You know it's not going to take all your problems away, all right. It's not going to make it. Where you are experiencing a new life, that man. It's going to answer the questions that you might have. It's going to give you next steps on how to walk forward. It's going to give you some hope that you are not alone in this. It's going to give you some direction how do I move forward?
Teri Craft:and if you're interested you can go to marriagehealthorg forward slash what now?
James Craft:you know, if you're on the fence right now and you don't know what you want to do, you would like to dive into a full program, maybe deep down inside, but you're terrified of it, or maybe it's a financial issue. But if you jump in and you want to get this course to get you moving forward, all right, because I'm telling you, it's not the end all, it's the beginning. And you jump in and you get this course, what we'll do is, if you do this, we're going to commit to meeting you in that place and that amount of money you put into is going to go off of your first session with us as a coach. And so that's how much we are committed to this, because we're committed to you to see, you see and experience the healing you deeply down inside desire. But you got to make that first step. We can't do it for you. You have to make that first step.
Teri Craft:I know how hard this is and I know it feels as if there's little hope and the road forward is just impossible, but I want to encourage you not to give up, to really get the right information and the right support for your journey, and that is why we created our course, why we have made ourselves available to walk with couples through crisis, just like what you're going through, and so I encourage you, if you need more information or resources, just take the step and take one step at a time and know that, no matter what happens, that you you get to see a miracle of transformation in your life when you make that commitment to really step forward and get that healing and remain open to that growth mindset that there is a miracle, there is success waiting for you, no matter what.
Producer:Marriage Health with James and Teri Craft. If you feel like you need someone to come alongside you, a coach or a counselor, reach out to us. The link is in the description.
