14 - Kane Novak Part 2 - Owning Your Truth: Vulnerability, Passion, and Authentic Leadership

We’re back with Kane Novak, the transformational speaker, leadership coach, and creative force you didn’t know you needed in your life! In Part 2 of this juicy conversation, we go ALL IN on the stuff that makes life (and business) truly orgasmic—your truth, your energy, and the courage to show up as your most authentic self.

What’s to expect in this episode:
🍸 The magic of owning your truth—even the messy bits!
🎤 Why vulnerability isn’t just brave, it’s downright sexy (and good for business).
🔥 How tapping into sexual energy can make you unstoppable in work and life.
💃 The art of balancing masculine and feminine energies (yes, it’s a dance—and you can lead and follow).
💡 Simple tips to transform your energy, deepen your connections, and seriously level up your creativity.

Kane doesn’t hold back, sharing his wisdom, humor, and hard-earned lessons from a life of storytelling, healing, and showing up fully. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s the reminder you need that passion isn’t just for the bedroom—it’s your secret weapon for business success.

This is your permission slip to step into your power, own your energy, and start living the passionate, creative life you deserve!

Visit the Orgasmic Life website for more information

Proudly edited by Mike at Making Digital Real

Transcript

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I'm mega excited. We are back with the awesome Kane Novak for the second part of this amazing interview where we just look at so many different aspects of being a sexual human being. Thank you for tuning in to Business Sexcess, empowering business professionals and entrepreneurs to lead an orgasmic life. Hello and welcome to this episode of Business Sexcess. This is an overrating space here to fuel up your business and your bedroom. It's where sexual empowerment meets personal professional development. I'm your host. Yes, that's me, Lorraine Crookes, sexual empowerment liberator and award-winning speaker, columnist, educator and healer. Here to make sure all business professionals and entrepreneurs lead an orgasmic life. Being a creative, we're all touchy-feely. We always touch you. You have to hug, hug, hug, hug. We're hugging everyone. We're touching everyone. Big guys, girls, it doesn't matter. Because we're open. We're not trying to pick you up. I've worked in the corporate sector. I've trained in, I do a lot of corporate team building and I've done that for almost 20 years. A lot of people in the corporate freak the fuck out when you touch them. I was going to say that. Yeah, it's not. What are you doing? That's my body. But give everyone in the room a hug and it's just like, oh, I've been in a couple of events where they've done corporate and at the end they've asked and it's been quite a journey and it has been emotional for a lot of them. They hold hands and they just look like, what? I've got to hold hands with a guy? There's just this whole energy of like, it's a human. I think that is the difference between the create. That's one of my big passions is to get into those places and talk about sex because they're missing a trick in their business for a start because they're not tapping into the creativity, match, sexual energy, juicy stuff that they could be using in their business. But actually, often they're the ones that don't have the tools like you were saying you respect women because men behave in a certain way. But for me, it's like I work with a lot of those men, but they were never given the tools, like they just they don't know how to. And I'm not saying there's not a part of them. She's like, let's go and find out. But, you know, culturally, society, upbringing, like all these media don't instruct me on that one. That's a whole different conversation. But just like that, we we're not in a world that is the creator that is a we don't live in a in a in an environment that allows still allows wrongly men to embrace that side. And that's what I love about Tantra, because Tantra softens the energy and allows men to be more expressive in a very to dance with the divine feminine in a safe space, because it's it's framed in Tantra. So it's a safe place to play. But then it's the men that do that and maybe come on your courses that are experiencing creativity and storytelling or that it's then transferring into their world because the world doesn't see that circle. So how how how do we do that? How do we how do we how do we move this energy to allow people to be more creative, tap into that the creativity they're talking about? For me, the sexual juices that we that I know are holding people back. Have you got any suggestions or tools of just things people could do to start to shift towards being more tactile, connecting, embracing spiritual understanding of our creativity that is literally the hub of who we are as a human being? That was a big question. Sorry, I kind of went it comes from here and just lands just like that, just arrives. That is a really big question. And look, there are so many. Basically, just a small question. There is there's there's certain elements that people can do in their everyday life, right? One is meditate. Yeah. Two, eat good food. Three, exercise. I'm not talking once a month. Every day, 10, 15, 20 minutes. It doesn't take long to do a high impact workout of some sort, because if you want to have really powerful sex, you've got to be fit. At the end of the day, you've got to have some sort of fitness level, especially for a man. Right. I'm talking from a man's perspective, especially for a man like you'll enjoy it more if if you're actually a little bit more fit. Well, it's stamina, right? I mean, my partner has never orgasmed so much in her life since she's been with since our relationship. Right. We're talking like four to seven, maybe nine. We lose count sometimes. It's like she gets blown away. She's unbelievable. That's because we're doing the work on ourselves. Right. I don't want to paint a picture that it's some sort of magical thing. It's because we're actually doing the work on ourselves, healing ourselves, allowing ourselves to communicate with each other truthfully. So the other real, really big key for everyone, if they if they want to shift quickly, own their truth. Own your truth. OK, what do you mean by own your truth? Your story isn't going to change the things that happen to your life. Happened. It's a fact you got to own it, because if you think that hiding your story or elements of trauma or elements of experiences that you've had is actually benefiting anyone or especially a partner, here's the kicker. If you're not truthful with your partner, especially a woman far out, they are so in sync with energy that they'll sit there and go, you're hiding something. What are you telling me? And what happens? She doesn't want to share something. Vulnerability can only create more vulnerability. So when I say own your truth, I see it all the time. I have conversations with clients and and and, you know. People and they're like, oh, I can't tell them that. Why? Why can't you tell them that? They're connected to your soul, your goddamn wife or husband. I hear you too. Yeah. Oh, I can't tell them that. That will upset them. Oh, and you think they don't know? Come on. Or the fear of rejection is the other one. It's like, it's like what happens if I tell them and it doesn't go down too well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The fear of rejection. How's it going? You're not telling them. Yeah, absolutely. And then it's all the finger pointing, right? I mean, at the end of the day, if there's a marriage going on, so this is for married people, if you're married, it's a spiritual game. The regular bullshit of talking about surface level stuff with a counsellor or a psychologist because you're trying to to help the relationship doesn't work. You're actually on a spiritual journey. You connected spiritually. That's what you went to. That's why you got married. You actually got indoctrinated with your spirit, your souls together. It's a spiritual journey and you need to face your trauma and your wounds because everything that is triggered by your partner is a reflection of what's going inside you. When I say own your truth, this is the most simplest thing. Just own your truth. Be really open. You've got a problem. Share it. You're scared about something. Did you get sexually assaulted? Share it. There are so many people that don't share their sexual assault to their partner and they wonder why they have sexual problems because they're blocked in a certain area because there's so much fear and trauma associated to it and they're not sharing it. And the only way to share it is by actually letting it out. Someone's got to start that conversation. That's the thing sometimes, isn't it? People have left it. I've had this with many couples I've worked with. They've left it so long that they'll talk to me and say, but I haven't told her for like, I've been with her for 20 years, but it's never too late. That's okay. You're human. But let's change the next 20 years because you can't keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. So let's have the conversations. And really this whole bit of this conversation is literally what I did. I was like, I can't hide this anymore. This is me. It's making me ill. I need to step into my truth, give up my career. This is who I am. If you don't like it, then I'm really sorry, but this is me being true. And actually what happened, and I've seen this happen in relationships, is when I spoke my truth, people moved towards me, not away. The people I thought were going to give me shit and they're my greatest fans. And those that don't quite get it are probably my ideal client and have moved, like they've just drifted and they're doing their own thing, which is fine too, because we're all on our own journey. But you know, me speaking on stage, I never thought I would do. And now I'm speaking on stage and getting standing ovations and people clapping because they get it, because they want to do what I've done, which is open their mouth and speak the truth about that part of their life where they feel most vulnerable. And it is a difficult thing to do. And it is difficult for couples when they've left it and left it and left it to suddenly say, actually, this is how I feel. This is what's going on for me. I'm going to add something here because this is really important. Actually, one of the biggest fears for men is for men. One of the biggest fears about being vulnerable is that their partner, their wife, will leave them. I've seen men say it. I've seen men actually comment, the comments saying, that's what happened to me. Yeah, I was vulnerable. My wife left because she thought I was weak. No bullshit. That's a load of rubbish. For one, if she leaves you because you're being vulnerable, it's probably not the right person. So be happy about that. Two, you probably scared the shit out of them. They're too scared to be vulnerable. So they ran away. Three, were you playing a victim when you were vulnerable? Because when you play a victim, because of your stories, because of your trauma, you're not actually taking responsibility for your truth. It's a blame. Oh, because of this, I'm not good. Oh, because of this, because of that, I'm not doing this. And fuck, I'm not happy because of this experience. They're such assholes. That's being a victim. The moment that we actually see, so this is the other thing that someone can implement. Today, forgive everyone that did something bad to you and send them love every single day. Because what they did made you who you are and they have their own life to live. They've got their own fuck ups to do. They've got their own lessons to learn. They're not even thinking about you because they're too screwed up in the head too. So stop thinking about the pain that someone else put on you because they were probably in just as much pain. The moment we give empathy and compassion for the people that actually did bad stuff to us and we start, we don't have to condone what they did, but we can appreciate that that soul is on its own journey. The balance of the universe, there's always positive and negative. It's the universe. It's magnetism. Nothing exists. The world, the earth, the globe has a south and a north pole, which is magnetized. Nothing exists in our solar system that doesn't have a positive and a negative. It's the balance. The other thing that you can do today is ask yourself. You can view your experiences because I guarantee everyone, most people understand some of the shit experiences in their life that they haven't let go of. Guarantee it. Ask yourself. Think about it and then ask yourself, am I looking at the negative or am I choosing to look at the positive? Because the law of polarity specifies that whenever there is a negative, there is always a positive at exactly the same time. So what are you going to focus on? Because where energy flows, where focus goes, right? So our gift to our community, to our partners, to our business, the whole aspect of the reason why I say that sexual energy is such an important factor for business, for anything, for career, and especially for women. The divine feminine that stands in their sexual energy is so powerful, is so confident. It makes me melt, not in a sexual way, makes me melt with just awe when I come across women that, like my partner, that are so tapped into their sexual energy and they're so confident and yet guys take it the wrong way because they don't really understand. Most guys, right? Not all guys. Creative guys get it. They're like, hey, how are you doing? Give us a hug. Other guys are like, oh yeah, I'll tap it. I think they do get it. I'm going to stick up for the guys now because I think they do get it. They don't know how to manage it. I agree. I had some real clients that have come to me in Tantra that have been an energy that I never expected to walk through my door. They get it. They just don't know how to access it. Yeah, I think it freaks them out a bit because that energy is a powerful energy. Yeah, and we are, you know, men and the masculine energy shows up in a whole different way, you know, and it's how do you transition when you've been raised not to cry, not show your emotions, not to have all of that stuff going on and to be a man's man because you're here to provide. This is what you do. This is who you are. And then actually, you know, I think like I always say to men, it's that dance because it's like at the moment they don't know whether to open the door for women, pay for the meal because Mondays she might want it, Tuesdays she might not, you know, that there's a shift that we're going through. And I think it is an energy shift that men are not quite sure how to dance between the two energies. I think women can do that. We can stand in our masculine and stand generally can stand in our masculine and our divine feminine and dance between them and play with them as we want. I think men are still kind of navigating. How do we play with this creativity, this feminine energy and tap into that vulnerability? Because they haven't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I completely agree with you. And there's a fear around that. There's a fear about embracing that energy. It's about there's a fear of vulnerability for one. There's so many men are so in their head, you know, do, do, do, do rather than being in the heart space. Right. Which is where everything actually takes place. But that shows up, I think, in, in, in sex in itself, because men are driven to, to have that, that what I'd call a raw sex. It's like, you know, I, my audience, I'm in the swinging world and men will go into the swinging world as singles. Women don't because there's an emotion. It's a different energy where we're still dancing with working it all out and being in the heart of it and just playing with it. And if we want to embrace it in a different way, whereas men, it's that raw energy they're looking for, then it's a different kind of dance. So I think it's just, it's navigating that and how we can support men to just embrace more of the tantra energy, more the creativity energy, more of this, like you've said, the solar plexus, the, the inner power rather than the outer power, which again is like, after we had that C thing that went on for a little while and men had lost their power, they literally were coming to me, the rectal dysfunction, they'd literally lost their masculinity because society was like, we don't know if you've got a job. We don't know if you can provide for your family. We don't even know if you've got a relationship. You know, everyone was struggling. And then we're like, I don't know how to provide. I don't know how to step up as a man now, because the constraints of society, the world was stopping men from doing what they do best in their own identity, which was standing their power because the world wasn't allowing that traditional role to play out as men normally do. So it's, how do we dance? Those that got creative thought outside the box, still had a job, still managed to do it. Those that were dancing in that energy were still able to manage their own relationship, their family and everything around them. Look, men have to be physical, right? If we just go to men, they have to be physical for one, right? They need the physical activity in their blood, in their testosterone, right? They need to be able to do that. And if they're not, there's going to be a drop of everything, as well as mental health, right? Breathwork is one of the most powerful forms of just connecting to self, right? Deep breathwork and meditation, like regular men don't do meditation. In the personal development industry, sure, there's a lot of men that do meditation and breathwork because we're open to it. But there's a lot of men that aren't in the personal development industry or think that creativity is a girl's thing or think that painting stuff is weird or crying in a movie is like girly and I'm never going to do that. I can't show my emotions. There's this element for men, because we're all masculine and feminine as well, right? Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, right. And being able to open up that communication and still feel, I think one of the things that men fear is that they're going to get disrespected if they're vulnerable and respect is such an ingrained thing in men, right? I must be respected. I must be respected. If I'm not respected, I hide. I don't like it. And then I get into conflict. And I understand that because I went through a period of that too, that I needed respect rather than raising my own standards of how I respected myself. And there's a big difference. Well, I just want to interrupt for one second and say, if you are loving this episode and loving business success, and want to discover how you can work with me, then why not book a call? Use the link within this episode, book a call, grab a cuppa and let's connect. Enjoy the rest of the episode. So much of us, so many of us are looking for love outside of us. This is the other thing that someone can implement straight away. It takes practice, but you'll get used to it. Love yourself first before anyone else, because it doesn't matter if you lost your job, you can still be a man. A label doesn't mean anything. You're still looking on the outside for some sort of validation. So validation starts with self. And the moment that we can let that go, like you were just saying like, men don't know if they should open the door, make a decision. Like seriously, make a decision. Are you going to be a gentleman? Or are you going to be this, I'm off the fence? Nah. I let them do whatever they want to do, and I'm not going to be anywhere in that gentleman's zone. Make a decision. Don't sit on the fence and go, oh, I don't know, because that's just going to screw with your head anyway. I've been with my partner for four years, like I said, we've been on and off. It's been a huge transformational quantum shift journey that we've had together. And all the trauma associated to the ex-partners, the divorces and stuff like that, right? I still pull her chair out. I still open the door. I still send her messages at night. I still wake up in the morning and send her messages in the morning. It's just a decision. Who are you going to be? And I think it's making the decision, but then the flip side of that, if the decision doesn't resonate for the other person, it's going to come back to that communication, isn't it? Because if for some reason that was triggering for me, which it wouldn't be, I bloody love that. But if it's triggering, like the opening the door, like I want to pay my way, I want to be the independent, whatever it might be, that's when it comes back to that communication, because it's then finding that balance in the relationship. We're like, well, this is how it feels to me. This is how it feels to me. I'm finding that compromise. It's all down to communication, rather than just putting up with stuff in life, whether that's a door, the bedroom, like foreplay, whatever it might be, who's cooking the dinner, who's washing up, whatever it might be. Let's save the pots and pans flying. It's about having that conversation. If something doesn't feel right, because it's back to that thing about perception, isn't it? It's our perception from our own story, because we haven't dealt with it. But actually, once you're having that conversation to understand why someone's doing that for you, the love languages stuff maybe even might play out in that, that people are more about time than about affirmations, or people about affirmations and gifts, or whatever it might be. But you're never going to know that unless you open your mouth and have a conversation with someone. Actually, that doesn't feel good for me. What would feel good for me is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that could be in the bed. That could be about a text. That could be about anything. It all comes back to communication. It's really interesting, because I've just launched an online program. And there's a module about story, about being in our story and coming home to who we are. There's a module about communication, and one about mindfulness and breathwork and all that juicy stuff. And I was talking to a potential client the other day and saying about the first three modules, and they were like, where's the sex bit? And I'm like, that is the sex bit. That's your best bit. There is some juicy stuff after that, but that's just like icing and candles and stuff. Like, this is the cake. And they're like, where's the sex stuff? And I'm like, that is it. That's the bit you're missing. That's the bit. Understand your story. Get talking and learn these techniques of how to slow down what you're doing in bed. Get out of your head, into your heart, or at least, you know, be conscious in your lower space, because most people are having sex in their head. They're not having it in their body. Yes. That is the juicy bit. Like the rest of it, where you're talking about, you know, other little bits and pieces that I've added in, like, yes, that's great. But none of that is going to work unless you've got all of this bit in place, unless you understand who you are. And the communication is absolutely, like, I know I've heard you talk about this in your Facebook, but, you know, the communication is the key to everything. Every relationship is based on communication. You cannot have a relationship without it. How you choose to communicate, then gives you the value of that relationship. And that's the bit that, you know, gets me stuck. I'm feeling you. Like, I really am feeling you because, you know, I talk a lot about authenticity and I talk a lot about, you know, and people wonder what the hell is wrong. I'm authentic. Authentic isn't about just being who you are. Authentic is owning who you are. Nice. I'm not being scared to say anything about who you are. Like, my partner and I, I mean, we love taking shots of sex and stuff. We're highly creative. We share each other a lot. It's nothing to be scared of. Embrace it. I mean, everyone has sex. And the thing is, I actually don't talk a lot about having sex. I always say making love, right? That's my thing because that's what it is to me. It's, I'm making love, not having sex. I'm making love. I'm connected. I'm creating love. I'm tapping into my love and I'm giving you my love for you. That's the way that I look at it. And one of the hardest things that I see, I've worked with coaches and stuff, right? And I see the most powerful story, the most powerful story in their whole life, right? That, you know, for their brand that they should be talking about because it'll help people, right? And nine times out of 10, they won't do it because they're scared of what other people will think. They're people pleasing. Too worried about everyone else instead of validating themselves and who they are. And the reason why I wanted to talk about this with you for another reason is that sex is, should be spoken about, like love, lovemaking should be spoken about so much more often. It should be shared in the home. Like, not sex in front of people, but I'm saying it should be like touching, holding, hugging, flirting. Children need to understand what love is represented by. Not hiding away, not pretending that it doesn't exist or only bad people do it. We're only behind closed doors. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or no, I don't wear a G-string or, oh, have you got crotchless undies? No, I wouldn't do something like that. Everyone does it. It is part of our existence. We're emotional human beings. We're energetic forms and sex is a part of communication. Lovemaking is a part of communication with, I'm talking relationships. You know, the one night stands. Yeah, it's fun. Back in the day. Yeah, it's fun. But is there, is there this depth? No, because not all the time. Sometimes maybe when there's an explosion of passion and stuff like that, lust, but do you get the depth of the spiritual experience, the soul connection? Most of the time, not. It's very rare. So to be able to bring that magic, because that's what it is, it's freaking magic. And it will make you glow in your work, in your career, in your business, because you're actually making love with passion and you're allowing yourself to be seen by someone.