029 - Men, Mental Health & Rediscovering Self-Worth - Part 1

What does it really mean to be a man in today’s world? And what happens when the pressure to perform, provide and pretend becomes too much?

In this powerful two-part conversation, I’m joined by Gary, founder of The Transported Man, whose work helps men reconnect with themselves, build resilience and rewrite outdated narratives of masculinity.

We talk about stress, identity, emotional health and how easy it is to become disconnected from who you truly are. Gary shares his personal story of burnout in the hospitality industry, his journey of self-discovery, and how he now helps other men move from broken to unbreakable.

We dive into the five stages of personal transformation, the impact of generational patterns, and the healing power of self-awareness. Whether you’re navigating your own masculine energy, supporting someone who is, or simply curious about what emotional empowerment looks like for men today, this is a must-listen.

Raw, honest and deeply relatable.

Visit the Orgasmic Life website for more information

Proudly edited by Mike at Making Digital Real

Transcript

You have these two choices in life. Do you stay in the dark place or do you move forward on your personal journey? And as you said, it's a case of rediscovering, reconnecting back to your true self. And I say boiling it down to the smallest measure, which I consider to be you. 

Obviously, the saying says, wherever you go, there you are. So wherever you go in life, why don't you have your own back? Why don't you support yourself? Welcome to Sexcess, the podcast where we unleash the power of sex, intimacy and pleasure to fuel your personal and professional development. This is an over 18 space and things are about to get hot, juicy and oh so deliciously unfiltered. 

So buckle up or loosen up because we are diving deep. I'm Lorraine Crookes, your host and personal sexual empowerment liberator and award-winning speaker, number one bestselling author, columnist, educator, healer and on occasions a stand-up comedian. I'm here to help you ditch the shame, ignite the confidence and lead an orgasmic life because life's too short for mediocre pleasure and half-hearted success. 

So get comfy, get curious and let's dive in. So welcome back to another episode and I'm very excited to have Gary here today to tell us about his magic in the world and what he does. Now, I've met Gary through some business networking, we've done a bit of training together and I love his vision, I love his mission and we're definitely on a similar page in the work we do in the world. 

So Gary, welcome to the podcast. Tell us about your magic, what you do in the world and why you do it. I'm Gary Magel, I run the business The Transported Man. 

It's essentially my way of giving back to the world, leaving a legacy of getting men talking again, getting men more comfortable with their own vulnerability, their own future in the world because a lot of people have doubt, there's fake news out there, there's AI out there, there's fraud out there and it's people's making people confused and what I want to do is boil it down to the smallest measure which I consider is to be you, yourself and because I'm a guy, I can help guys because I'm outcome orientated but I also like to think about the process as in steps. So with my mind, I like to know how can I make myself better, how can I reflect upon other people, the choices I've made coming from a chef background, being in a very negative environment, being broken down, being obligated to do stuff, being expected and I spent decades in that position and I came to a point where I suddenly stopped, stopped the world I want to get off and had a slow journey back to rebuilding myself, having confidence in myself, just getting rid of self-doubt. I'm discovering my insecurities in life and the mistakes that I've made by turning the lens upon myself and my view with The Transported Man is to get out there and take these people who feel lost, alone, anxious, disconnected with the world and bring them back to a greater sense of themselves, become their own greatest supporter in life and I just think it's a fantastic mission to have to get the world's men comfortable with themselves to a stage where they're so resilient that I call it unbreakable because you've done it so many times, you're so practiced, your resilience is there and you just, it automatically snapped to it instead of being broken, grieving, depressed, dwelling on things to instantly being comfortable and knowing how your reactions to the world is important. 

I love that, I love, what I love about it and you know that I admire the work you do is that it is, when you explain it, it sounds like well surely that's what men do, no they don't and the fact that they live and I think we're still in that society where it is and this happens to women as well, we're not saying it doesn't but I do think it's still in, we're in a world of very masculine energy and a lot of men's jobs are very stress, very stress-based and if they're not stress-based they create the stress because they feel like they have to be working in a stressed environment so if it's not actually within the environment, men put themselves under so much pressure to provide for themselves, to provide for their business, their family, they just set themselves these targets and as you say sometimes they become so disconnected from who they are, they're almost running their life kind of as an extension of themselves, it's not even part of them, it's just like a series of things they're doing for which there's no benefit of them sometimes, there's nothing in it for them because they're so busy doing it for everyone else whether that's their family, their business, just external factors and I love what you do because for me as I see what you do is it's about bringing it home, it's about bringing it back to that person and just taking some time to rediscover who they are and I think that's so powerful because I think there's so many of us, men, women, everybody that we can become so busy doing life but we can become so disconnected Oh very much so, I mean there's societal pressures, there's familial pressures and stuff like that going on but during my time of what I say is being in a dark place, there's very much a case of how much I had to ask myself how much of that was self-inflicted and once that thought process is, that seed is planted in your head, you suddenly go like oh I am doing that to myself, oh I don't need to be so hard on myself, I had a very negative pattern going on for many years as part of my own insecurities, I would instantly be able to go into a room and look at somebody and know their own insecurities, it wasn't to be horrible, it was a defense mechanism, it's a case of if I knew what if I was them what I would feel bad about, I would be able to use it if they ever attacked me, so it sounds messed up but it got to a stage where people were looking at me, intriguing me in a certain way, people going oh okay you got shaved head, you must be a thug, you must be this, you must be that and then I suddenly started finding it quite amusing that people would stereotype me and typecast me in these ways and it's almost like the defiant part of me just wanted to prove them wrong and but there's a great legacy which could happen, I'm seeing more and more positive people coming out, more and more people doing like the humanitarian things for no reward, it's just a case of they're more positive, you have these two choices in life, do you stay in the dark place or do you move forward on your personal journey and as you said it's this case of rediscovering, reconnecting back to your true self and I say boiling it down to the smallest measure which I consider to be you, obviously the saying says wherever you go there you are, so where if you go in life why don't you have your own back, why don't you support yourself, like I say you can be your own worst critic but can you be your own greatest supporter and bringing this resilience into the workplace and at the moment I work with high achievers, the business world because in my eyes they seem to be the early adopters of the new theories and philosophies going through the world and that all filters back down into society through their family, through their colleagues and all the way down to people on the street, so that's why I work with people in the business world because they can become isolated, they can become cut off and feel alone and as a man I know I compartmentalise things like my behaviour at home is one way, my behaviour at work's another way, my behaviour with friends is another way or say the gym or something like that and I started finding it quite disconcerting, I was these three different people but I was never myself and taking that on board and I dissect everything down to its smallest measure just the way but I like to think, I say I'm a reformed overthinker but to be honest I love overthinking. Which is why you work with business professionals because they're the thinkers of the world aren't they? Yes. And I 100% agree with you around the business world and that's where as you know that's you know our resonance really is that I've spent a lot of time working with because those are a group of people that do become very disconnected from aspects of their life very quickly because they're so focused in one place and that they do have that disconnection and I think they are also the ones like you've said that they end up having these different roles they almost you know wherever they are they almost fit into this different super suit you know if they're at home they're one person if they're at work they're another if they're out with their mates someone else and we all do that to a degree but I think when you start when you get to the point where you don't actually identify with any of those roles you're so disconnected it's just almost like an autopilot and you're like what am I doing like how have I become these people that don't resonate with me and I know as a female in the teaching world you know I would step into and the lifestyles I've had I you know I'd be different people in different places and it got to the point was like actually none of these are really me which is when I you know left teaching and and started a business that was all about me and I know that's kind of where you're coming from it's like this is my journey and I want to live it and support other people so that we can step into our authentic self and just show up in the world as kind of one person enjoying different aspects of our life and I think that's really important so how when you're working with people Gary what is it you're you're kind of doing with them how do you serve and support do you have a program is it one-to-ones are you going into businesses what is what is the magic and how do you actually help people how is manifesting as I go along and develop these programs I have one program which is called from broken to unbreakable this is for the general everyday person who is feeling disconnected I mean at one point somebody said to me you know the worst thing about anxiety is some people don't even realize they are anxious and hearing that I started to look upon myself and I was anxious I was disconnected and it's these traits because especially with social media and stuff like that you're not feeling yourself you're not in touch with everything going on around you so this disconnection to society in the world your family and everyone else is what I'm focusing on the from broken to unbreakable is a system go five you go from recognition reset rebuild reinforce and rise again which is rebuilding the resilience making yourself just takes away the self-doubt can you say those again because I think that like that just I actually got goosebumps when you're saying that like I think that just same again because they're just beautiful steps so there's five steps in total you've got recognition which is kind of a stop the world I want to get off face you have the reset which gives you the tools to assess where you are what you're doing that creates a bit more awareness creates a positive more positive vocabulary you start getting into the gratitude awareness forgiveness then you start to rebuild yourself like building blocks you're coming back to yourself you reinforce these lessons you've started making a part of your everyday experience because you get people to have the religious side or the scientific side or the academic side but I want smart practical daily things that you can do to reinforce this and the last stage number five is when you rise again so you go out into the world a stronger more empowered person to be yourself to be proud to own where you stand to participate in your own life essentially love it and love it to have the strength to be able to support others if you're strong within yourself you can go out and this ripple effect goes out throughout society the goal is humanitarian my focus is the individual and I find that incredibly moving and the mission behind it and the purpose speaks for itself in a way hey you yes you are you ready to take your pleasure confidence and success to the next level well whether it's a workshop keynote talk online course or private coaching I've got the magic to empower you to unlock your full orgasmic potential let's make waves break taboos create some real transformation for your life because you deserve more happiness more confidence and a whole lot more of yes find out more at orgasmiclife.me or check out the show notes I also have a second program because I've recently discovered I have ADD and I have I mean I'm 46 now except to find out through my journey of personal growth that I have ADD it answers so many questions but it's also like right let's go let's see what I can do with this so I'm take my ADD mastery matrix program uh takes people from ADD or ADHD chaos within their minds and it takes them through to being able to clarify what they're doing to know themselves a bit better to know their internal timings improving their environment where they work in something just basically to support them in their life that what they're doing if you can create the good energy for them I've just been what they can bring to society the creativity the energy the focus is great but sometimes that focus is a bit all over the place and what I do with that is I have a workbook and at the same time as you're filling it in like a work planner it reinforces the lessons it identifies things this is all homework that you take away with you you can tick the boxes you can recognize your ideal time to work when you've got the afternoon energy when you've got the evening energy basically to supercharge your efforts in a way and like I say with same from broken to unbreakable these are practical tools that you can fill in every day because I with my mind I struggle with people go oh you need to build discipline what's discipline how do I reinforce discipline if that was like a magic word so how do I identify how do I use it how do I implement it into my daily life and a lot of them my beliefs come from which was just successfully I've had these thoughts myself but then I've been able to find people in history and other books that can reinforce these ideas so I'm not the first to think these ideas I believe all information is already out there you just have to access it at the right point in your life to be able to take them in and adlerian psychology plays a big part stoicism these are all like you say masculine things and they're out there but nobody's really using them or trying to integrate them into their life but it's essentially it's the same vision as from broken to unbreakable making yourself strong again the two programs are individual but they can also be mixed I have quizzes daily assessments that you can do identifying your energy patterns finding out if you have add or adhd is another test I have and so I'm bringing these hopefully out into the world very soon it's just the the mission behind it just gives me the energy to keep moving forward I mean I was I come from a large family obviously raised by a woman I've always been taught to see the other person's side of things so I've always had two ideas going on in my head at any one time and where you empathize with women because obviously women are fantastic I'm not denying they exist or they're the problem or anything like that but it's like what have I got what can I use how can I move forward yeah and the best way I can do that is to just I'm a guy who's got lots of female friends and I started thinking why don't I talk to more men why don't I have more more men friends are they going through what I'm going through and I basically want to get men talking with around mental health could be physical health uh but I feel they're already taken care of you got the gyms you got the therapy sessions and other bits and people people can go to um but nobody was really tapping into the emotional health and I find for me that's very important yeah it helps me get through the day I think it's I think for a lot of us and I think men in particular and that is it is stereotyping but it's not men and women are wired differently 100 you know even in the work I do you know men have a particular wiring when it comes to relationships and sex and intimacy and connection women have a different wiring and it's it's a general um a general statement but it's so so true for many we are physically emotionally mentally wired different which is why often people feel like they they resonate more with a different gender people change genders people connect because they are identifiable as two different things in the energy perspective of what's masculine and what's feminine and I think like you said that that there is a need in the male energy to have these certain things and there's a need to have them and align with them for survival like these are these are instinctive aren't they they're kind of cavemen kind of warrior and men I think in today's society and I know I've said this a few times I know we've talked about this there's a it's a confusing world for men because women want a man that can connect with his feminine energy but still wants him to be masculine so you know some days it's open the door for me other days it's I can do it myself it's just like other days I want you to pay for me dinner the other another day I want to be like there's this real mix of energy in our world and where do men fit and I love what you're doing because it's giving men a space to step back and go actually where do I fit like what is my role who who am I and where do I fit in this world and it's not about not being a man it's about having a space to identify what's important to you what stress means to you and as you said like we are in a world where we accept that anxiety and stress is normal and you I've written that down because actually you said that twice and it really resonated because I do believe we are in a world um that almost I it's a whole conversation of the day but I almost think our society creates it on purpose like for us to live in a state of stress we are you know the news is the news and it's never positive and we live in a world that which is that's a whole nother one won't go down but like we live in this world that almost survives on the negative and the drama and the and it's just like let's just get off for a minute because we're living this life it's our life it's our journey and we don't have to live in that fight and flight it doesn't have to be like that and often when we do get off and reassess our health improves our mental state improves our emotions are more positive and things start to fall into place that we never thought we'd have in life and I know you've seen changes in yourself and with the people that you've supported in how sometimes when we as we said kind of come back home what was it the phrase you've come back to the small what's the phrase you use you said come back you said it a couple of times when you said I can't remember I have to play it back and find it um but it's like it is that coming home that sense of self that we've been disconnected from um yeah very much so many is really important and some people you know say why don't some people with men and some people and I think that's really important there are people in the world working with the masculine and people in the world working with the feminine and I think that is 100% needed because they're two different completely different energies and I think for you in the work you do you're walking your talk because you've lived it you know you've been in a place as you said in your in your world as being a chef oh very much there is this very alpha male kind of mentality um do we pick out the weakest person there or the weakest person on shift doesn't have to be the same person every time just whoever's there it's like playground kind of thing and you just pick on them and sometimes people think banter is funny um and it gets them through the day but really it's breaking down it's chipping away at this person's um self-confidence I've witnessed it for years uh in people and this once you understand like the book The Chimp Paradox where you have the primal mind the human brain and you've got these the computer brain you see people's chimps we mean we all have it we can't escape it it's all in us but it's a case of the repetition that will hopefully get you into the human brain so much quicker than accessing the chimp the primal mind and when it comes down to emotional intelligence you can see well I witness it every day where people go where they're having to go at somebody but you're looking at and thinking what did you go through to make you like this understand yeah yeah why are you trying to reinforce yourself through picking on somebody else and it's it's not so much forgiveness means you have to start to wonder like with men and their relationship to their fathers and fathers fathers uh you suddenly have to realize that they didn't know any better and the person who raised them didn't know any better and you suddenly get this feeling of forgiveness and awareness because once you know that they didn't know any better it's like okay you've done a really good job actually I appreciate your efforts um but I'm personally at a stage where I want to break a few chains I want to stop these stigmas I want to I want people to be more aware and realize their own potential their own greatness within themselves um which is sorely lacking from modern day society I would rather tread the the path of universal truths than social conditioning and I've recently been introduced to the the phrase a contrarian thinker which I can see in myself but um it's I don't think I'm fully contrarian I do like a bit of structure but I think it's very important to question everything I've got a million questions I've had no answers but for me the answer I needed was the solutions the questions ended up in like solutions are more important than answers you have to find something for yourself what it works and to be able to step out your door confident within yourself to be unbreakable is just a fantastic feeling thank you so much for listening to this part of this episode of success and next up will be part two and I can't wait to join you for that conversation