033 - How Swinging Made Me a Better Leader

What if your greatest leadership training didn’t happen in a boardroom, but in a secret world of play, pleasure, and radical connection?

In this deeply personal solo episode, Lorraine Crookes shares how her experiences in the swinging world gave her the tools, confidence, and clarity to become an extraordinary leader. From communication and consent to boundaries and emotional intelligence, she unpacks how this unconventional lifestyle shaped her professional success - and how it saved her from burnout.

This isn’t a conversation about sex. This is a conversation about self-awareness, humanity, and what it really takes to lead with authenticity.

If you’ve ever wondered what your own version of a ‘pleasure place’ could be - this episode invites you to find it.

Visit the Orgasmic Life website for more information

Proudly edited by Mike at Making Digital Real

Transcript

Swinging was my escape. It was my secret little bubble, it was my secret lifestyle, it was what connected me to pleasure and play and people. It was my place to be a grown-up, I guess, in some ways, but also a place to just be in a playground of pleasure and experiences and try new things and just tap into parts of me that were, for me, really important.

And I get swinging isn't everyone's cup of tea, I get that not everyone really understands the world, I get that. For me, it was everything. Hello and welcome to Business Success, the podcast where sexual empowerment meets embodied leadership. 

I'm your host, Lorraine Crookes, sexual empowerment liberator, international speaker, author and CEO of Orgasmic Life. This podcast is for leaders, changemakers and those visionaries who are ready to harness the power of sexual energy, not just in the bedroom, but in business. Together, we'll explore how this potent life force can fuel your purpose, ignite your passion, elevate your performance and expand your profit. 

We're talking real conversations, radical embodiment and a professional approach that's playful, powerful and unapologetically you. So if you're ready to leave from the inside out with confidence, clarity and a whole lot of pleasure, you are in the right place. Let's dive in to Business Success.

Hello, hello, you beautiful souls. Welcome to Business Success. And in this episode, I'm going to be sharing with you a little bit about my story and in particularly why I believe that swinging and being a swinger helped me become a better leader. 

Yes, you heard that right. So in this episode, we're going to be talking about how swinging for me helped me step up in my leadership skills and abilities. So let's start at the beginning, which is always a good place to start. 

So I worked in a secondary school. I'd worked in FE before that. I'd also worked in adult education. 

So I'd been working in the education sector since my early 20s. And as any of you will know that being anywhere near the education system is quite stressful. And I literally lived on the edge with workload and work-life balance. 

Now, when I moved to a secondary school, I literally moved from FE to secondary and I literally felt like I'd been throwing the lines dead. Like everything just seemed to double the amount of lessons, the marking. Then there was playground duties before school, during school, after school. 

There were parents evenings, there was staff training, there was the planning, there was the re-planning, there was the policy writing, there was the managing the team. I was head of department. It was just intense and intense on the intense. 

I mean, it was just, it was a world that the lessons and standing in front of the students was the easy bit. That was the breeze. That was the bit I loved, but it was the tiniest part of the actual job.

Now, for me, that level of stress, that level of responsibility, that level of just insaneness, to be honest, had me living on the edge. So on the outside, I look like this, you know, I've got it together, but on the inside, I was sometimes a complete wreck. And the only thing that kept me going, the only thing that gave me sanity was my lifestyle, which was in the world of swinging. 

Swinging gave me that release, that sense of self. And I can feel myself really getting emotional, which I wasn't expecting. I can feel myself really getting emotional because I know at times, I think I would have been ill. 

In fact, I was ill, but a lot more illness, a lot more stress, a lot more burnout. And I don't think I would have lasted in education as long as I did. And deliver, and this is a difference as well, and deliver the quality I delivered. 

You know, my students got amazing grades. I worked with varying abilities of students. You know, I was good at my job. 

Okay, I wasn't just turning up, rocking up, surviving and going home. I was bloody good at my job. But I needed a release. 

I needed to have a sense of self. For me, there was this balance between this was my job, and I needed at some point outside of that to be Lorraine. I needed to let off steam. 

I needed to connect to myself on an emotional, a mental, a spiritual, and a physical level. And swinging was my thing. Swinging was my escape. 

It was my secret little bubble. It was my secret lifestyle. It was what connected me to pleasure, and play, and people. 

It was my place to be a grown-up, I guess in some ways, but also a place to just be in a playground of pleasure and experiences and try new things and just tap in to parts of me that were, for me, really important. And I get swinging isn't everyone's cup of tea. I get that not everyone really understands the world. 

I get that. For me, it was everything. It was my mindfulness. 

It was my hobby. It was my outreach. It was my outlet. 

It was everything that kept me sane. And because I had a place to go and be me, and be playful, and be connected, and have amazing sex, and connect with amazing people, it was almost my, I don't know, therapy, I suppose, for want of a better word. It was my outlet. 

It was where I could go and just let off steam and have this sense of self. Now, the amazing thing with that is not only did I end up having amazing experiences, meeting amazing people, and having the best time, to be honest, but what also happened within that is that I also found myself developing leadership skills. Now, what do I mean by that? I mean I became very good at communication, boundaries, consent, people skills, understanding how people work together, how they connect together, what happens when you have an interpersonal connection and not just talk at each other, but when you really have a conversation with someone. 

It taught me to check in with people. It taught me how to read a room. It taught me to ask questions and not assume. 

It taught me the value of my yes. It taught me the value of my no. These were absolutely key in making me or developing me into a good, no, not a good, an amazing, I was an amazing leader and teacher.

All of those skills were literally at the core. So, there was this whole thing that I was not only developing these skills in communication, consent, boundaries, you know, really developing who I was as a person and how to manage relationships and people, but whilst developing all of these amazing skills, I was getting to be me. I was having a place to unwind. 

I was having a place to just connect to the parts of me that were really important. And this bubble that I was in, this secret world that I lived in, in the world of swinging, helped me walk with a level of confidence about who I was as a person, who I was as a sexual human being, my sexuality, my identity. This was about me walking confidently in my life and not just, I don't know, walking around the outside of it. 

It helped me really connect to who I am as a person. And the skills that I gained and the skills, not the lifestyle, I mean, those two things, my work and my lifestyle were very separate. What I'm saying is there's an overlap in the skills that I learned in one, I used in the other. 

Listening skills, feedback, there was just so much to this. Celebrating difference. Honestly, the layers of it are huge and I know with every breath in my body and celebrate this, that without having swinging, I wouldn't have been the teacher I was. 

I wouldn't have had the confidence I would. I wouldn't have been able to be as supportive to my colleagues, to my students, to be able to manage difficult situations, give feedback. Honestly, there's just so much within this. 

I think one of the real things I learned was that I could be present and that presence was more important than the performance. That connection would always be more valuable to me than control. And both of those I value as a leadership skill, presence over performance and connection over control. 

Now, this connection between swinging and being an amazing teacher is one that never really felt very comfortable. To link these two things together, working in a school environment to having this private, secret life in the world of swinging and my real understanding that these two things, there was a lot of interconnection, never really used to sit very comfortably. But I realise now on a very intense, honest level that they're literally part of the same thing. 

I guess the truth is that swinging wasn't just about bringing me pleasure. It was about bringing me perspective. It taught me about humanity and boundaries and confidence and communication. 

Things that you'd never, ever learn on a teacher training course. You'd never learn on some CPD day. It taught me how to be vulnerable and how to be strong. 

It taught me about my truth. It taught me about my voice. It taught me about my needs and it gave me a place to connect to them. 

It gave me freedom. It gave me authenticity. It gave me opportunity in so many different ways. 

It made me a better teacher, a better manager, and it has definitely made me a better woman. I really valued my time in the world of swinging. I value the friendships I've made. 

I value the skills I've learned. I value the people, every aspect of it, even to, you know, me and my partner own a swinging club. I'm still part of the swinging world and it's a significant part of my book Unleashed and Liberated, My Life, Your Story. 

But I don't just value it as an experience. I don't just value it as a lifestyle choice. I don't just value it as a part of me. 

I value it for all of the skills that it taught me. How to manage so much of myself. How to manage relationships, challenges, vulnerability, communication boundaries, consent. 

How to manage my yeses, my nos. How to manage myself. How to become the woman I wanted to become, experiencing it and life the way I wanted to experience it. 

I really do believe that swinging made me a better leader, a better teacher because it did give me both an outlet, a place to be myself, a place to play, have fun, and just be me. And I'm not suggesting that all of you listening need to rush out and become swingers, although, you know, it's out there. I'm not suggesting that that might be your thing, but what I am suggesting is that you're curious about what you do in your life. 

How you connect to you. How you bring joy, play, and pleasure into your life. How you connect and create opportunities in your life to develop communication, consent, and boundaries. 

How you discover opportunities where you dare to explore layers of yourself and maybe even take a little bit of a sometimes. Pleasure, play, presence. The only way we can become amazing leaders, amazing professionals, amazing educators, is if we really understand who we are as a person.

If we really tap into life and experience the truth of who we are and find ways to have our truth met, our voice expressed, and a way of owning our own needs from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. So I ask you, what's your pleasure place? What's your magic in your life that allows you to connect to those authentic parts of you that make you a better leader? Love what you've heard? Don't let that energy stop here. Head over to Orgasmic Life and book me as your speaker to light up your next event with power, pleasure, and fueled leadership. 

Or discover the embodied leadership retreat that unlocks your charisma, confidence, and cash flow. Or you can work with me one-to-one for a deep, delicious dive into your full turned-on potential. You were never meant to play small. 

You were made to lead boldly, brilliantly, and unapologetically. So go on, take the next step. And if you love this episode, why not share the vibe, rate, review, or tag someone in who's ready to rise in their business success.