Where “Relatability” in Your Business is Costing an Additional Six Figures (and the missing ingredient to add)

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello. Your ego mightn't like this conversation, but I would love for you to listen to it with an open mind. Because if you listen to it with an open mind and you get to the end, you can then make a judgment about how you feel on it and what you've taken from it. And one thing I have seen is when people have built their business based on relatability, or so they feel relatability, they're extremely defensive about this. But the best thing that I've learned everywhere in my business and my functioning behind the business is every new level needs like a clean slate, and it needs me to be big enough to re-evaluate things that once I might have stood for, or once I might have used, or once I might have even said that I didn't, you know, stand for or wouldn't have done. And if you aren't willing to do that, then you're just gonna kneecap yourself, you know, because you're gonna get to a point where your ego or your fixed ways are potentially blocking something without you even realizing. And sometimes the things that are blocking things are actually the things that we are adamant are the things that work. So I'm not gonna completely blast away the concept of relatability. Obviously, I understand the concept of relatability. I'm gonna shed a different light on it, and I'm gonna show you where it works, and I'm gonna show you where it doesn't work. And when I say work, I mean convert. And in order for you to keep growing with relatability, you have to add a different edge to it. And that's something that I have learned myself and pace people through within their positioning with their business. And again, the reason we do this is because this sells and also maintains that authenticity. So I think my first point on that is a lot of the time what's happening with people that are building their businesses using relatability, and hey, it's not to say it doesn't make money, I know that it makes money, right? Is they are misunderstanding relatability and authenticity. So the last thing I want anyone to do is go into being a perfectionist. I'm like anti-perfectionism number one fan, right? But there is a difference between being relatable and being authentic. There is literally no avoiding, literally no avoiding, that your business has to have elements of aspiration, aspirationality, aspirationalness. No one buys anything in this life, including you, that doesn't feel aspirational to a degree. That is how it works. You'll probably already have that, you just might not realize that. But relatability without the right ingredients, just destroy that. So think about when you go into a shop. Is it quote unquote relatable in the sense that like you walk in and it looks like someone really trampies wardrobe, right? And everything's thrown on the floor and it's all a bit dusty and one of the bulbs out. No, right? It gives an aspirational feel. Everything's pressed, it smells nice, the lighting's great, it's colour coordinated, it isn't chaotic, yeah? Think about the coffee that you buy, right? Is there marketing like, oh, uh, you feel like shit? I don't know, terrible analogy, okay? But I don't know, is you feel like shit and you know, we get it, we feel like shit too. You know, no. At least the angle would be like you're tired, or you want refreshing, or you want to be woken up in the morning, like, let's do it in a way that looks great and smells great and tastes great and is mold-free, and like, yeah, you see where I'm going. I promise you, babe, every single thing in any business for the rest of the time is aspirational to a degree. It's something people don't have that they want. That's the only real reason that people buy. So when relatability is just relatability, like, oh, I'm the same as you, you start to chip away at not only your authority but your level of aspirationalness. And you're doing this, if I'm really honest, just cut the chase because it costs you less to hold yourself to a highest standard. So a lot of the areas that I tend to see this happening in is like spreading um some kind of like chaotic message, right? Is it just like chaotic mum life, life is chaos, me too, you know, behind business, um, behind uh fitness businesses or nutrition businesses or retreat businesses, like the owners on their stories and their content wherever are chaotic versions of themselves, and they're not addressing it because it's easier to stay there. It's easier to stay that version of yourself as opposed to require another level of yourself where you're like, okay, yeah, sure, I've got kids in a business and like life's a lot, you know. But actually, I'm not a woman that's running on empty and 100 miles an hour, and life's constantly fucking blowing up, and yeah, it's like that fucking takes more of you. That takes work, and you want to avoid that work, or you don't know where to start with it. So you stay in this what I would call 1.0 identity, which listen, it's great and it's served you, and you lean on it more and more and more and more to be relatable. And the other problem with this is relatability gets really good engagement online, okay? Because people feel seen in it, they feel comforted by it, they recognize it, it feels relieving. Now, again, I am not saying that we're gonna pretend to people that we've got perfect lives. That would be stupid and inauthentic, which would be a complete disaster and not what you want to be, right? And not who you are. But have you recognised yet that the people that love you in your pain, love you in your struggle, are not the people that you want to attract. Have you realized that yet? There is such a difference between the people that engage in like me too type content where basically everything's going pétong all the time and it makes them feel better, and people that move and convert and buy your service or come into your program from that energy of I used to be here, but now I am here. Because if you're in any kind of service, any service or transformation of any kind with other human beings, your whole business is centered around a before and an after. And I get it, you may like sculpt people's glutes or teach them bar or fix their nutrition, like you may do that, so you may think, well, what's what's my personal life got to do with that? But you're the one leaning on your personal life in the first place to create connection with people, and it has everything to do with it because people don't just invest in you because they want that stuff, they invest in you because of you, they invest in you because of the identity that um you represent and how that feels to them and who it is that they really want to be. They invest in you because you're gonna lead them. So you don't want to be attracting more and more people that are in the chaos or in you know the pain or in the struggle because, like, spoiler, those people are usually always gonna be there. Okay, they're the kind of people that are never really gonna take action. So then that explains why you get a lot of people in the DMs or in sales calls who just aren't the full vibe, like they aren't all the ones that are like, I'm really ready to do the work, like I'm ready to move, I'm ready to invest, I'm ready to make this change, I've tried other stuff, I'm a reliable type of person. So who you are and what you represent as a human being behind your business is fucking everything. Because who you are is what you are going to attract, and you need to be the after, and not just in the surface level place that you represent, not just having good abs, it's not enough. It's not enough, okay? It has to be who you are as a woman. If it hasn't evolved in the last one to two years, you have some work to do, my friend, and you need to know where to start, and it's not being harder on yourself because that's part of the problem, right? That relatability of like just being hard on yourself and like la la la. So I want to first invite you to just feel excited, just like yourself, get the horn for the vision of something new for you, the next level, your next version. Who would she be? And you might want to start with who she wouldn't be. Okay, well, she wouldn't be chaotic and she wouldn't be super self-critical, and she wouldn't have a busy mind, and she might not be a hundred miles an hour, and whatever. Like, get what you don't want, use the negative bias first to establish then what will you do want. Well, what would you want then? What do you want to be? And start to now imagine how that version of yourself would hold herself. And the way that we would switch this, and it would naturally come through anyway, in your positioning and your marketing and your content and just your vibe and your message, right? Is allowing yourself to be relatable because you already fucking are, right? Like you're already potentially a mum, and you've already, you know, gone through some life experience. Maybe you've got a divorce under your belt, and you've pulled yourself out of some mental health hold in the past, and you've got some good experience, and you've worked with different clients, right? That's enough. That's enough. You don't need to then add that layer of then only being the before on top. Your life and you are relatable, full stop, because you're a human being, and so long as you're willing to be vulnerable and real with people and authentic, like that is enough. You can still tell them your struggles, you can still tell them the things that you went through, but the punchline that your next level is missing is the what you did instead, who you held yourself to be instead, who you chose to become instead. Because that's what will attract the best clients ever. I say this from experience, because they are like, okay, first of all, I relate. She's real, she's a human, she's authentic, I want that. But second of all, that little thing that she's got, that's what I want. That's what I want to become. That is aspirational. That is the before and the after. And relatability only is just the after. So I want you to really consider where your resistance lays in this. Like, which part of this do you have the biggest story about? Do you feel the most resistance about? Are you the most defensive about? Are you like, oh, that could never work because? And are you willing to even consider just for a minute, just for a minute, taking this on as advice? Okay, I'm I'm I'm gonna take this on in theory and just at least ask yourself if you did decide to do this, what's the real reason that you wouldn't? If you were like, okay, I'm gonna consider what this crazy bitch is saying, and actually, I don't want to continue to lean into like hardcore levels of relatability in my business because okay, undeniable, I can see a couple of gaps that this is presenting. What is the real reason that you wouldn't? What is it that it would cost you that you feel resistant to leaning into? Which piece of work, which piece of self-reflection, which internal upgrade is it that you're like, oh fucking hell? That's the real reason I don't want to do that. It would cost a higher level of um thought leadership, i.e., better fucking thoughts on a daily basis, right? That aren't frantic and this, changing your language. Like it would fucking take something from you. And that's the point, is that every next level of all of us is gonna take stuff from us. And it's so much easier for us to BS ourselves and lean into like that taking in air quotes, right? Being, you know, taking more hours or taking posting or taking hiring someone or even just throwing money at the problem and you know, paying it to be someone else's issue, you know, oh, and it's just that I need to just address my offer or it's a sales problem. It's really not every business problem, is the psychological problem first. And actually, this is the bigger cost, and this is the piece that I focus on the most. Because, yeah, absolutely, all of our businesses require better marketing and better offers and better sales systems in order to grow. But those pieces can really, really only work if the foundational building pieces are there first. Because it is so easy to be magnetic and aspirational when you just are, and this can feel like a really, really confronting message when women are already being super self-critical and already looping in perfectionism. And I just want to really show you where you're misunderstanding so many of these pieces. So many pieces of these are misplaced. Because I am not saying that you're not already phenomenal, I'm saying you're already so phenomenal, you're the only one that's not fucking seeing it. You're the one that's being self-critical to yourself every single day and remaining therefore in a 1.0 identity that isn't gonna be enough to get you to your next level. It isn't that you even need to be better, it's that you need to be better inside. You need to learn to have headspace, you need to learn to not have intrusive thoughts every day, you need to not be stressing about the load, regardless of what the load is. You need to know how to stay centered, you need to know how to be emotionally regulated behind every day, especially the shit days, because that will then emulate through you. That will do the work for you. And building a business and holding on to this badge of honor of relatability will be the very thing that prevents this happening because your understanding of relatability is being on the same level as other people. And if you want those people to hire you, you can be a peer, you can be someone that they can be friends with, but you need to have more elements to you that are aspirational than you did before. Yeah? You need to be the after, and you need to be more of an after. And at the moment, what I see is women pummeling that into being even more self-critical, which again is missing the point. You need to be the least self-critical ever. That's a 2.0 identity. A woman that's like, I fucking love myself. Like, and you may love yourself, but where are you still beating yourself up? Where are you still doubting yourself? That is self-criticism. And so I see women pouring this into the wrong areas. They're like, oh, I'm not in enough shape to be able to launch my next fitness program because you know, I don't look good enough for the shoot that I wanted to do, or you know, that kind of thing. That's really not it, babe. Like, you're already enough, you already know enough, you already look good enough. Like, that's fine. It's who you are that needs that upgrade. And when that happens, your energy changes, your conviction naturally comes through, you don't need any surface level cheesy fucking coaching on like how to be more confident. Like, you don't need that because you just are like it just comes through. You don't need a coach to be like, just say what you mean because you just do. Like, I haven't had any trouble in this 16 minute and 17-second podcast yet, just saying what I really mean. Have had no resistance, I haven't had any trouble, haven't had any loopy intrusive thoughts. I'm just able to just speak my strong truth, create that impact, give potentially the tough love that it needs, sign off, move on, go to the fucking gym, which is my next thing, and get on with my day without then thinking, oh my god, should I post that with that tooth strength? That that's what I'm talking about. That is the piece that needs to be upgraded behind your business. And you can keep skirting it, and you can keep avoiding it, and you can keep trying to put strategy over it, and you can keep trying to do anything other than doing that thing, it's not gonna change. Right? It's not gonna change on its own accord, and it's gonna get more and more and more and more ingrained because that is your identity. So I would massively recommend from here challenging your even um concept of the word relatability, challenging yourself to take it off the pedestal that it's on if it is on there, challenging yourself to get real and a bit gritty, right? And a little bit confronted with like, oh damn, who would I be without that? Who would I need to become? What's the energy that this end quote relatability sort of allows me to hold on to? And where am I misunderstanding like connection with my audience and authenticity and being real versus just fucking shying away from being the next, you know, version B, the after. Where do I need to get to work? And where am I telling myself that I'm not good enough and needs to be better that really isn't the priority? Like I work with so many nutritionists and I hear it time and time again. A lot of the stuff they deal with is painful periods, right? People say to me, so when they first come to work with me, if I haven't had a perfect period, a perfect cycle, I pull back. I don't post my content. I don't have the same conviction because I think, who the fuck am I to post this message when I'm that's not where you need to get better. That's where people are completely misinterpreting the concept of getting better or even what their work is. They need to be the woman who can have a terrible fucking cycle and not spin out about it. Yeah. And still show up in her life, career, relationships, know how to lead herself. You already have on paper all of those ingredients. You know how to feed yourself during those bad periods. That's your job. You know how to, you know, have the self-care during those periods. That's your job. People aren't hiring you to have perfect periods, 12 months of the year. Of course, they love that in in real life, you know. But they're hiring you to be the woman who can get better, know what to do, take charge of it, be more informed, increasingly get better, and when it's awful, still know how to hold themselves. You are the one that needs to level up, and it's in all of the areas that at the moment you're ignoring.