How To Build A NEW VISION For Yourself ✨ (Without Feeling Deflated That It's Too Far Away)

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi guys! I feel like as much as I appreciate for you, it's not felt like ages since we caught up because the podcast just consistently posts. But for me, it's been ages because I batch recorded loads of episodes, some I don't put out, and I haven't recorded one for ages, and so I feel like I'm catching up with good old friends, which I can't wait to do. And I just also want to acknowledge that I've had so many various people actually message me on Instagram and just like actually tag the podcast. I've had quite a lot of that recently, which has been really fucking cool. And I just want to say that I just love that so much because you know sometimes when you follow someone or you like listen to their stuff and you just think like, oh, they must just get they must that just must be like a normal thing. Like sometimes it isn't. So sometimes it's crazy because my downloads are really high. Downloads means listens if you haven't got a podcast, because I did not know that before I had a podcast. Um, but like sometimes it does go a while between someone being like, Oh, I loved that episode, or oh, this crazy fucking bitch has this podcast podcast on this, you should listen to it. And when it happens, I just want to say, like, it really means something, it's very fucking cool. So thank you. And I've had women in like Australia tagging me, and it just means that I can connect with you guys and see what you're up to. And I just want to say thank you so much. And I wanted to talk about a post that I actually wrote this morning on my Instagram, and it was something that I had sort of loosely scoped out to just chat about in my content this week and a topic that I love. And it's really this concept of breaking down huge goals, and I love how much this applies to us at every single level of our life, and it's something that has really surprised me personally at how it's a lesson that I learnt originally at the time that I'm gonna talk about in a second, but then it's definitely a repeated lesson where I have to keep applying it and like spotting the blind spot. And the story that I told was basically to keep it short, about how one of the first like business events I ever went to, I remember watching this woman on stage, and she was just like this oracle of a human being. Do you know what I mean? Just like you know, when you look at someone and they're like absolutely stunning, gorgeous figure, immaculate, beautiful outfit, radiant, confident, um so successful, like you know, gorgeous kids, successful husband, like you know, she was that. I love that for her. And I was watching her on stage, and it was the first event that I had been to, and I was like hiding at the back. I was obviously a single mum. I was in my beginning chapter of rebuild season, um, and my confidence was like it'd really taken a knock during that whole time, right? And I just remember like hiding at the back of this event, and I actually also remember regulating a panic attack in the toilet. So that kind of gives us as a team a little bit of an idea about where I was as a human being at that point. And so, you know, I was watching this like fucking mesmerizing avatar on stage, and she was talking about her income, and it was one of the first times I'd ever really heard about people making this kind of money. And I had had great success in my makeup business, right? I'd made thousands and thousands of pounds, but like in quite a measured way, do you know what I mean? I'dn't I just hadn't heard people talk so blah about like you know, £20,000 a month, £50,000 a month, like above, like upwards. And it just hugely expanded me. You know, like in anything when it's like the first time you've even you're like, what like what the fuck? I didn't even I just didn't even know people were doing this, you know, I didn't even know this was a concept and you know her income was online and like it was just so new to me. And so I remember watching her do this thing and it just it just felt so aspirational and so inspiring and so shiny, but at exactly the same time, almost on the verge of so crushing because it was such a confrontation of how far that was from my reality at the time. And I found that particularly hard, especially where, like I say, I had had success, you know, and so many people that I work with and meet and speak to online come from a similar story. So even if it's like they've had like a successful corporate career, like they're not fucking 21-year-olds, you know, like they've got life and experience and and and things under their belt. And so it hits harder, I think, when you feel like the new girl in the room at something, or you start again or you pivot, or you know, at that point, because I don't know, it's just like even more confronting, you know, because there's that little bit of like pride that you do have of like, listen, I I have done stuff in my life, but also like I feel completely fucking inept in this area. And this thing just clicked in my brain when I was watching her, where it was just probably like a divine download of just you can either take this one of two ways. You can either find this crushing and just feel fucking sorry for yourself, basically, and play the victim and be like, oh, it's just so far from where I am. Or you can be like, Do you know what? That's so inspiring. I'm mesmerized by this entire situation and this woman. It feels so impossible and so far removed from where and who I am right now, that what I'm gonna say to myself instead is this is just an amazing piece of evidence and inspiration for me that this exists, and if I could create 10 to 50 percent of what she has, then happy days. Because as soon as I reverse psychology that and broke that goal down into that kind of state, it started to feel more like manageable, started to feel more like I can get on board with that. And there's a term that I refer to a lot if you've listened to my stuff before, which is cognitive dissonance. You may know that, you may not. But cognitive dissonance is when cognitively, so in the brain, cognitively, we can't we can't get on board with something, and so that's what that will have done is got rid of that problem basically, and that held me through like the next few years of building a successful income online for the first time ever. And I swear to god, that was the biggest thing that I had to thank for that. Because had I not approached that goal that way, I just wouldn't have attempted it in the first place because it just would have felt so big that it was defeating me, and that's something that I see so often, potentially in people that are like starting out and pivoting in something, but I also see it in much more established high-earning clients as well, in more of a subtle way, and I would say the subtle way is where I've really seen it present in myself in the um not too distant past, too. And I think it can start to present in an experience-based way. So, a real example of this that I've seen in myself over the last sort of six to twelve months is I've seen coaches who do things that are not dissimilar to me having their success via ads, right? So this is where it's like everything becomes nuanced and micro and in the detail, it's not just like making money, right? Okay, it's like it's more mature than that. It's like, okay, great, I make great money, I have a great business, I fucking love what I do. Like, I feel like this is a dream, you know. This this business at this point is amazing. My clients are just a joke, like I'm obsessed with all of them. I'm in my zone of genius, I'm feeling good, and I've gone through that like total dog shit part of like ultimately, yes, there's always room for improvement with things like your marketing, but like I know what I'm doing, okay? So it's not feeling as heavy and draggy as it was for fucking years, years and years and years and years. Yeah, you know, I pushed through that. So it's easy to like a get complacent, but B miss what what else it could be and how good it could be. And so one of those areas was that I was seeing these coaches have success with ads. Now I just need to say, for the love of God, this episode is not about ads, right? I repeat, it is not about ads. Because sometimes when you start doing that, other people start being like, Yeah, oh my god, I think I need to run ads. This isn't what this is about, okay? It's about what I noticed in myself. That's what I would really love to open up in yourself, not about ads. I noticed how coaches who were at the same point that I was in certain industries were making their sales via ads. They actually weren't making any more money than me, some of them, some were, but some weren't. But again, it's in the deep the details of the difference of how they were making their money. And so one of those hows was I'm still 100% of my sales engine. Now, there is no such thing as 100% passive income. Like, fucking put anyone in the bin that tries to sell you that dream, okay, because it's bullshit. But so, like, what I'm saying is you're always gonna need to show up for your business and your work. Like, I feel so many people these days like are sold into this illusion that, like, you know, I just want passive income. Like, well, you haven't fucking worked hard enough for it, number one. Like, build yourself to like 500k or something or a million, like, you know, past the point that that my brand currently is at the point of this recording, and then we can maybe start to have that kind of conversation. It's so funny how it's people that I'm like, have you actually ever even sold something for 300 pounds online? Like, I don't think we're at the point of like the passive income drum. Okay, like let's just stay in our fucking lane. Going off on a tangent here about my fury about that. But my point is, it's not that I don't want to show up, and it's not that I'm being a little fucking bitch about like putting the work into my business because, like, spoiler, your business is a job. Like, you know, all that content these days, it's like you just made yourself another job. Well, yeah, that's the point of having a business. Like, it is a job, it's always gonna be a job. I'm cool showing up for the job. I'm just saying the experience of that job could be even lighter, the experience of that business of that job could feel even more supported, okay? And what I noticed when I was witnessing these coaches who were having the success in that way, right? So maybe even an element of the sales engine was taken away from them, you know, even if it was just like the visibility was easier, or by the time the uh leads met them, they were considerably warmer, potentially, okay, etc. etc. I noticed how I had cognitive dissonance to that as well. And I'm not saying that's how I'm gonna go on to run my business or that I want to run my business that way. I'm not saying that either way. I'm saying what I found so interesting to observe in myself was how when I really asked myself deep down why that wasn't something I was doing at this point, because I do believe that I'm at the point where that, if I wanted it to be a possibility on the table, absolutely could be for me, because my organic conversion is so high. The truth underneath it was that I did not believe that that that was something I could do, always possible for me or available for me, and so it's so amazing to be willing to always find these ceilings in yourself because you will never achieve something in life that you don't aim towards, and I think so many of us run our businesses from a point of not even realizing that we're actually not aiming towards the goal that we then bitch that we don't have, and I see that in a in a earlier way, right? Where a lot of the clients that meet me are like, I don't even really have an income goal, you know. It's not that they don't, but they're not that set on it, you know, and they've got so many. I I've had clients that are like fucking hell, you know, maybe a month in or something, they're like, I've just put like money on my vision board, you know. I don't really do vision boards to people, but but a lot of my clients do them, which is lovely. And they're like, that's the first time I've ever actually put money on my vision board. And before I'd have avoided it or felt weird about it, or you know, because of that sense of failure. But let's just fucking call the elephant in the room. Like, probably one of the biggest bottlenecks of their life is that they don't have and they're not earning enough money. Like, if someone invites them to something abroad, they have to fucking think about it, or you know, they don't have a cleaner, and actually that might massively alleviate a lot of their um household pressures and stress and fucking time, you know. They would love to onboard like a VA, you know, so on and so forth. So just using that as an example, it's just an example of it's just like, yeah, when I'm looking in the business, it's extremely obvious that there is a complete lack of actually being like, okay, cool, that's my goal, that's what I'm aiming towards, you know, and that is because they don't have the belief. And if I'm ever in a sales conversation with someone, I always encourage this perspective from them where I'm like, give yourself the opportunity to not allow yourself to use the you know, if there is an objection, give yourself the opportunity to not allow yourself to use that objection and see what the truth really is. So, for example, if it's a client who's um lower income, right? I'm like, just play with it. Just play with it, give yourself the chance to be like, if I couldn't use the excuse of money to not invest in this, because ultimately this is something that is going to make me more money. So, you know, if I took that off the table, what would the real reason be? Is it that I don't trust myself? Is it that I don't actually believe this is possible for me? Is it that I believe like I'm you know guilty for wanting more, you know, because that is the data that you're gonna need to massively progress. And so often, if you're living an autopilot, you're going through your whole life and you're putting so much effort into the actions that you're doing, and so much output, output, output, output. But none of that is optimized if you don't just take like what 25 seconds of your life to be like, what am I actually aiming towards? And is there actually something bigger or better or something that I do actually want that isn't even my north star right now, purely based on some kind of bullshit that I don't actually believe that is possible for me, and it's just mesmerizing how many things we never end up achieving or aiming towards that realistically we do want, purely based on the fact that we don't believe that it's possible for us. So that was just a little insight into my brain and how I apply the same thing. Like, so if I find something now, like you know, the tangible example that I gave you about the ads, where I'm like, ooh, how interesting! Like, uh, you know, they've created XYZ from doing the ads. I've realized that I actually just can't fully connect to that. That's because I believe it's it's probably too far outside of my identity right now, you know, like it's almost too expansive. I'm gonna use her as evidence, like it's obviously fucking possible, it's right in front of my eyes, right? But to break that down and make sure I don't have cognitive dissonance to make sure that it's not something that I can't relate with, I'm gonna just say to myself, you know, cool, if I could do 10 to 50% of that, then that would be really cool. And that really gives you that footing, you know, gets you on that ladder of starting to aim towards it and takes that pressure off, you know. Like women work so badly under pressure, not to completely deviate into a completely different podcast topic. But if you are a woman that says you function well under pressure, I just need you to understand that that's not true. Um, if you have ADHD, you stimulate yourself via urgency, which, as I am learning in my ADHD pro season, is the worst thing you can possibly do with ADHD, and that is the exact thing that leads us to burnout because it burns through what remaining executive function you have in your brain. But you do not actually function well under pressure. You need to really learn to define what functioning well means. Like, stress is not well, you know, like and women function so well when they're in play, when they're in their parasympathetic nervous system, when you're not in fight or flight, when you're relaxed, when you're feeling good about something, when you're optimistic, you know, yes, when you're a little bit activated and there's some fucking skin in the game, 100%. Like, you need to have your back against the wall in life, but not when you're under pressure. And if you've only ever known how to function or you've only ever functioned in pressure or stress or survival mode, then you can't qualify for that kind of statement because you've never tried the other way. And I can guarantee 1000% that when you pivot your life increasingly towards functioning in regulation and ease and magnetism and playfulness and balance, you will never go. Oh, really? I actually really miss those days when I was in fight or flight mode without realizing 24-7 and my cortisol was through. Those are the good old days, like that's just not gonna happen. So I'm gonna fuck off now and go on the um school run. But I hope you gained something from that. Love you so much. Please drop the podcast a five-star review if you enjoyed this. Um, even better if you could say some words about this episode or an episode that you loved, because it helps massively um big up the algorithm of the podcast uh platforms that keeps spitting it out to new people because I keep having days where it's like clearly done me a favor and chucked it out, and it's like you have been listened to in 50 million different random fucking countries. And I mean I'm sure some of them I've been banned from because I'm probably illegal in like 25 countries, but you know what I'm saying. Let's spread the love. Love you bye!