£100k Invested Into my Business & Self. Here's Are The Best Lessons (and what I'd avoid next time)

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Transcript

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I cannot believe of all the stuff I have chatted about and gnattered on about for hours and hours on my podcast. I've never done an episode or an audio drop that is dedicated to talking about my experience in mentorship in terms of how I make the decision, like how I make those choices. What? Crazy! So I'm gonna do that. I'm just gonna talk specifically on like how I discern a mentor. And I'm a little bit of a seasoned veteran in this, right? I don't even fucking know the amount of money I've spent or invested in mentorship over the last few years. Easily a hundred grand. Easily, okay. So let's all just be like temporarily sick for a moment as a collective and then we can all recover from it. Has it been worth it? Absolutely, without question, every single time. So we're not even gonna have the conversation about like should you we're not doing that, okay? Like success leaves close, the end, right? But what it's definitely really given me, of course, is the ability to discern in who I invest in. And actually, I would say a lot of the investments I make in myself now at this point are for me personally as a woman, because you do definitely get to a point where you're like, ultimately, I know what I'm fucking doing, and also like I'm a pro at diagnosing my own problems really effectively. Like, never ever one time would I start a month now and be like, I don't know why my business isn't insert blank. Like, say, for example, my sales had dipped, or whatever, like, I would never ever not be able to know exactly why, and that's like the real power place that you want to get to as a business. Insert uh mini advert. Never one time would my clients ever have that experience after working with me where they don't know why or like what the core ingredients are, anyway. Sorry. So that aside, you know, like I will then be able to be like, Oh, okay, I really need to um brush up on this skill now or take this to the next level, whatever. But yeah, a lot of the investments I make are on me as a woman. Um, I have a breathwork coach, I have an ADHD coach. I've been doing lots of little fangs, you know, behind the scenes, and it shows, right? Like it really does. My skill set is really getting there, my self-leadership is unmatched compared to where it was like a year ago, who I am as a human being, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. One thing I do not invest in particularly is my skills in what I do, which is a controversial topic, okay, because some people feel really strongly the other way on this. Now, obviously, you need to be the absolute fucking shit at what you do. Like, obviously, okay, but that's like a given that I just expect that's like a fucking prerequisite, right? The reason being, maybe, maybe I have maybe where I'm in the business world, okay, now my zone of genius is within self and positioning and sales, but I suppose what I'm saying is a lot of the investments that I make in general for my business therefore naturally emulate out of my skill set anyway. So I suppose I am investing in my skill set that way, but it's almost like maybe I'm slightly cheating there because ultimately what I help my clients with is areas of themselves, and that naturally gets developed as I develop them because I practice what I preach, right? In in those regulation pieces, being unshakable, um, your your mind, your belief system, your energy, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Like it's fucking impossible to not become like such a fucking expert when you are it, you're breathing it, you're living it, you're obsessed with it, you're a fucking geek that reads fucking books on brains for fun, right? You're working with clients every day, and you're going through that experience and you're helping people with every day, like Jesus, if there's anything I don't need, it's more like I'm good, you know, like I'm good at that point. But then also with the strategic stuff that I help people with sales, positioning, marketing, like I'm investing in those skills for myself. So obviously, like that my clients get the benefit of that, you know. Anyway, we're digressing. But when it comes to me choosing a mentor, I am much more mature in my approach than I once would have been. And the overbearing number one consideration is really in line with the following phrase that I hear get thrown around by people who completely do not understand this phrase, which is don't take advice off people you wouldn't swap places with. And when I really learned the true meaning of this, I feel like the game fucking changed everywhere. Because you will not get an investment from me if I wouldn't trade places with you. However, my discernment of what that actually means is different. So previously, I might have been like, oh yeah, trading places with, well. Okay, let me give you an example, and I feel like I might have used this once. It's a really good one. So I fucking love my dad, right? Um, my dad is my only biological parent in my life, and we're really close, and he's amazing. And he is an entrepreneur and he has an amazing business. He's actually just sold his business, but he has to work in it for three years, which is hilarious because he's like basically never been employed. And is like, if you think I'm unemployable, if you meet my dad, I feel like everything makes sense. My dad is like the campus most flamboyant fucking lunatic you will ever meet. He is such a legend. Like, anyway. So it would be very easy, like when I pivoted into like running my business online, for me to be like, oh well, my dad's successful, he's been an entrepreneur his whole life, you know, he's a fucking elite salesman, blah blah blah blah blah. Well, I'll take his advice, you know. Well, what does he think I should do about you know my course and this marketing and my sales approach and how I'm gonna handle this client? No, because he's a bloke and he's in fucking finance, and yes, he's in sales ultimately behind his business, but it's different. It's different, and he doesn't have an experience I want to trade with. My dad is like the biggest fucking hustler I've ever met in all my life. Like, he works harder than any human on this god's green earth. Like, love that for him, respect that for him, and listen, I've got hustler tattooed on my fucking hand. Like, I am a hustler three and three, but I don't that's not I don't want that, okay? And I'm raising three tiny children, like I'm a fucking woman, it's just different. So my discernment became very emotionally mature with this understanding when we say swap places with, because it could be really easy on the offset to be like, oh well, he's built himself a great life, he has financial security, he's a fucking legend, he he lives big, like he travels lows, he has fun, he goes out all the time, you know. So yeah, no, though, because I don't want his actual day-to-day, and his actual lived experience is not in the thing that I'm building myself, it's not the same. So it's kind of learning to not be like, oh well, they've got they've had a great career, or they've made money, or they've got success, or they've got a business, and see things on a much more detailed level. So that's really been the biggest and first most overbearing one is that if someone doesn't really have like the life I do to a degree, or maybe like even more pressure or more load, I'm not really that interested. Like over my dead fucking body do I want to take like business structure advice off a bloke? And I see this mistake made all the time by women, and they think they can like cheat this, or okay, so say someone was a single mum, and they're like, Oh well, I can just like invest in the guy that built the online courses and do it that way, and then I'll just kind of like ad lib around that to make that fit for my life. Bitch, fuck my life, really, really, really, okay, like no, because every single thing is gonna be coded in something that isn't aligned to you. Isn't aligned to you. Because he's a fucking bloke, he has a dick, he's a different species to you. I really hope you're not listening to this one in the car with your kids. Don't ever put me on in the car with your kids, okay? I'm not that friend that that you can do that with. But like, he functions differently, he thinks differently. Everything down, right, to the fact that like his portal, I bet you his portal is gonna be full of fucking videos that you have to sit down and watch. Like, my programs are audio only because I'm like, these bitches have not got time to sit and watch a video. No one wants to do that. Everyone has the attention span of a flea. Like, you've got kids, uh like no, you know, so everything that they do is gonna be coded in things that are all slightly made up of ingredients that really aren't the best fit for you. You know, values as well. Again, it could be easy if I I mean sorry to slag off blokes in this. Like, I do, I am a big fan of the guys. Big up the guys, right? But I we are different, right? Like, I I also don't want to borrow your wardrobe, okay? But like, just to really fucking hammer on the guys here. It's like you could all you'd be like, oh well, we have the same values. No, you don't have the same values, babe. You don't have the same values, okay? You might you might have commonalities in your values. Like, I have guy friends, you know. Great, love that. We really get on, we have a lot of commonalities in our values, we don't have the same values, okay? You are a completely different fucking breed to them. So that was the biggest thing I learned was like wake up and number one base it in someone who has created what I'm created in, whatever the result is, yeah. In a way and from an essence that really actually aligns with me. Now, I'm not saying someone needs to have short blonde hair and be completely fucking psychotic and have a snake tattoo up their left arm and three children on their own with the same names as my children, okay. I'm not that crazy. So it's not like you know, for example, I bought uh this amazing little mini offer on something business related a couple of weeks ago, and example, okay, just in case any Karen's are like getting the knickers and the twist about this. She is a childless woman, okay. That's cool. I can still talk to people that are childless, right? That's fine. Big up the childless people. In fact, my childless best friends are the only reason for my sanity. But it was just like small things, like she is spiritual, she's a fucking baddie, she has a wicked work ethic, she massively values like aliveness and life outside her business. So, are you seeing how I'm optimizing all of my learnings to be the most in alignment with me? Because obviously, when things are aligned to you, they're gonna work the best for you, right? You're gonna get on with it, it's gonna feel good to you, it's gonna be like, oh yeah, this this fits me, this fits my brand, obviously then it's gonna fit your clients, and so on and so forth. So I feel like that's been the big biggest and best learning that I've that I've had. And the last one has been because there's been many, we could be here for hours, but I just wanted to give like the two core things, is not making the mistake of learning from someone that does cookie cutter strategy. And I actually made a really big investment. Um, if you know, you know, I feel like it's everyone's right of passage at the beginning of their business like journey at some point, right? It wasn't when I first got into business, but when I was like eight years in, I'd pivoted online for a bit, and then I was like, I'm gonna take this business seriously. Too much money, okay. In this woman who arguably could meet all of this criteria, okay, like spiritually awoken, extremely emotionally intelligent, same values, she was a mom, yada yada, had a successful online business. First of all, the thing I'll say is she pretended that she had more work-life balance than I realized she had when I was in side her space. And like, I'm fucking cool if you're if you're pulling the hours in, like, no worries. But don't like do this whole ease and flow thing when actually I get inside and you're like, I'm working an 80-hour week. And she's doing this whole like at home with the kids thing, and I'm like, Well, yes, if you mean at home with the kids locked in your office where they're not seeing you, that's fine. Like, again, no shade, but like, can we just watch the uh integrity on the marketing there? But what she gave me, and it was valuable because I did learn a lot of stuff from it, and more than anything, I learned this lesson was everything was a step-by-step thing, so it was like build your course this way and do this, do this, do this. This is exactly how you're gonna launch it, you're gonna build up for a live launch like this, and then you're gonna join a masterclass, and here's how you're gonna market for it, and this is how long it's gonna take you. And this is how a lot of people get stung in business investments, and you very quickly learn when you make the error of mistaking in coaching of any kind like that, that that's not gonna work for you. Oh, what a surprise! What you mean someone else's strategy does not fit you perfectly? No way, right? We all have different fucking fingerprints. It's my favorite analogy. I'm gonna pull it out again because I feel like I've only done it in at least 90% of my podcasts. But it is like putting your neighbour's trainers on and running a marathon and then wondering why you don't get a PB and why you have blisters, the end mic drop. That's it. And so that was tough for me because you end up in a situation where you're like, fuck, I mean, technically I have something in front of me that does work, quote unquote, but again, like it doesn't feel right, and she can do this, but I can't do this, and I don't want to do a live masterclass, I would prefer to do it this way and la la la. And so what I massively learned from that, and that was three years ago, was that I will never ever invest with someone until I'm certain, and I find it really easy to be sure about this now. Certain that they're not going to give me the way, so like give me, I don't want fucking content templates like go away with that. Uh like absolutely not. I want you to show me the framework to figure it out myself, like the formula. Yes, it's gonna require more of your brain cells, but obviously, our success is our fucking responsibility, it's not someone else's. But I don't want to be told what to do. I want you to educate me and show me how to formulate the plan to do what I want to do. So if you are very new to this conversation, the way that that would look for the sake of argument, let me use a really simple analogy. So, like one of the core things that I do in my programs is positioning, right? So positioning is who you're aiming your brand towards and how you sort of position the whole thing to make sense that person, speak to that person to fucking buy, not follow you to buy. So instead of being like, okay, number one, what you're gonna do is this, and then number two, what you're gonna do is this, it's like, hi, here's some really, really valuable skills and mastery on education that you currently don't have. Let me fill that um gap in with you. Because you don't get that in cookie cutter strategy, which is why you become this codependent fuckwit, right? After it, where you're like, oh, for fuck's sake, I've spent all this money on this, and she's given me technically, yes, she's given me what she promised, but I'm not actually any more educated underneath it, right? When you don't get cookie cutter strategy because you're working with a better mentor, they will give you their knowledge and be like, listen, here's the goods, here's the shit that I don't give for free on the podcast or in the masterclass or on my content, right? Here is the education, the knowledge gap. Because there's nothing more empowering, especially as a woman, to have knowledge and mastery in education because that is shit that no one can take away from you, okay? So, in that kind of strategy, for example, in the positioning, it's like, listen, let me educate you so that you you get this deeply, right? And now I'm going to step by step with you show you how to work out who the client really is that you're positioned to. You know, here's three ways that you are gonna like you're gonna answer these questions, and that's gonna reveal the answer to you. And now you're going to work out how to talk to that person. You know, here's one, two, three questions, fill those blanks in, and now can you start to see? Yeah. And so those are the two core pieces for me where I now know with certainty when I invest in something. I'm like, it's always a shorebe. And I've never made a shit investment past that point, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. Like, I've always gone in with my eyes open. Um, I've always got my money's worth and more, um, even if it's in like a an indirect way, you know, and I've always felt enthused. And importantly, I really value like really liking the person under underrated. Like, I need to be like, yeah, I've I fucking vibe with them. Like, I'm I'm all about what they're all about. I can I can vibe with them. Um, because again, I don't just want to like take knowledge of someone that it just isn't the vibe. So I feel like my overall message in this is like just trust your body, like your body knows if something's a yes or not, you know, like your body knows if someone is a yes or not, and your body knows if the solution is a yes or not, and if it feels too good to be true in the sense of like, oh my god, so many people come to me from those causes where it's like they promise. I mean, the moment someone has an offer promise, fucking leave the building, basically. That's the other thing, but that's a different conversation. But they promise like 10k months in three months, immediately leave, immediately run out the fire door, like immediately exit the building. If someone needs to give you that tangible and offer promise, they're fucking dog shit. Okay, you will realise with your eyes open when you look at mentors in any arena who do not give you an offer promise, they're like, I'm not gonna fucking give you an offer promise, like I don't need to. I'm insane, my value's insane. Go and look at my fucking results, and like you either like me and trust me, and more importantly, you either want your result and I can support you to see how this will get you there or not. But the moment there is some kind of like too good to be true offer promise like that, there's a very big difference between being like this is the pathway to like, for example, with rebirth, I do support positioning that towards like this is the pathway to getting wellness businesses to three to five K months in a way that feels good because that is the goal my client has. But over my dead motherfucking body would I say, Oh yeah, you're gonna be at 5k months within whatever, like fucking 90 days or something. Have I had clients do that? Yes, multiple times in less time than that, but that's not mine to promise. That's your fucking work to do, that's your problem. That's and also it's like I've never ever needed to do that to sell. So the red flag is when they need to do that. It's like being just coerced by just you know, one of those guys that you date and it's just like they're just promising you the world, and it just feels and you get swept up in it. It's just like trust your body. If it feels that kind of too good to be true, then it is so that's my advice.