"How Can I Be Alive If I Was Dead? (w/Nicole Kerr)"

What if death wasn't the worst thing that happened to you? It's Cleveland. Brendan dives into one of the most fascinating subjects we never talk about, yet all experience...death. He speaks to the amazing Nicole Kerr, health and wellness expert, near-death survivor and author of You Are Deathless: A Near-Death Experience Taught Me How to Fully Live and Not Fear Death

The two dissect some of the most profound truths like:

• Nicole's transformative experience after getting into a near-fatal car accident. 
• Why there really is NO death. 
• What religion has gotten wrong about death and dying. 
• How the world would be remarkably different if we didn't fear death. 
• And if DJ's in the afterlife just see a bunch of strobe lights. 

RESOURCES
Nicole Kerr
You Are Deathless: A Near-Death Experience Taught Me How to Fully Live and Not Fear Death
10 Elements of a Near-Death Experience
Everyone's God

Chapters

• 0:00 video1109415084
• 24:53 m

Transcript

[00:00:00]  
 

Charles Bennington, welcome to the afterlife. Thanks for being here. Okay, it's time to go over your life review. Let's take a look right here. Okay, wow. Volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. Had a beautiful wife. Great relationship with his three kids. Catholic. Went to church every Sunday. Not bad. Not bad. 

You routinely bake bread for homeless people. Oh my gosh. Like Slimp Biscuit. You worked for the Malala Foundation. I'm sorry, you liked Limp Bizkit? Yeah, I mean who didn't? Okay, but [00:01:00] like you liked them. You don't still like them. oh, no I still really like them. Okay, when did this start like recently in your late 70s or something? 

Like maybe as a joke? Nope, age is 8 to 82. Oh Man, okay Let's see what else it says. Gave away 80 percent of his passive income to incarcerated youth. Coach Little League Softball, was a church chaperone for several Okay, I'm sorry, I'm just having a really hard time getting over you liking Limp Bizkit. 

what's not to like? Fuck, man. Okay, hold on, let me just look at your file again. You spent two of your adult years in Africa fighting poverty. Okay, that's amazing, I can't believe you did that. And then it says the experience caused you to get a back tattoo that says I did it all for the nookie. God damn it, man. 

You wanna see the tattoo? No, no I don't, man. I really don't wanna see the tattoo. I don't wanna think about Limp Bizkit. Part of the reason about being in the afterlife is there is no Limp Bizkit. You were a really clear cut case, bro, until you dropped this Limp Bizkit shit on me. Now I don't know what to do. 

I'll tell you what you can do. Send me back so I can go to Warp Tour. Headlined [00:02:00] by the great band Limp Bizkit. Oh my god. All right, man. You know what you're going to purgatory I can't take this anymore. And yeah, take your Limp Bizkit cds. I don't want them here We only listen to janice joplin in the afterlife. 

Does everyone understand that that's all we're listening to Someone give me my vape. Welcome everybody to a brand new episode of Spiritual Asshole. I am your host, Brendan Fitzgibbons. Thank you as always for joining me. Thank you for following me on Instagram at the underscore Brendan Fitzgibbons on Instagram. Thank you so much. This is a really exciting episode. Continue to hit me up. Please also support us on Patreon. It is. Patreon forward slash spiritual asshole. You guys are heroes as always. Today's episode is just about as special as they get. , so one of the things I've always been really fascinated by, and I've read a couple books about it, are near death experiences. 

And one of the things that I found so fascinating about them is most of the experiences that people have had in near death experiences. So I thought, interesting, and I remember I had a girlfriend who one time was like, This is bullshit. And I was like, okay, why is it bullshit? She's [00:03:00] like, you're just hallucinating, so you just experience these things. 

I'm like, okay, it's just a hallucination. Then I had this counter, which was a really good counter. Guys, don't argue with me. Okay? Don't. And, I was like, okay. But isn't it interesting that, let's just say for a second, it was a hallucination. Everybody's hallucinations are you basically becoming a god star being crossing over into the other side. 

Couldn't just as easily, Everybody's hallucinations could have been you as one of the village people performing on a stage? Couldn't everybody's hallucinations just been like you as an accountant in a shitty cubicle? So why that folks, you picked a pretty goddamn amazing hallucination. And I don't believe it's a hallucination, but it's just, so today's guest is the amazing Nicole Kerr. She wrote an amazing book called you are deathless about her experience in crossing over to the afterlife. And just so we're clear, a lot of times in this podcast, we're going to refer to near death experiences, or we say NDE [00:04:00] for short. it's the cool slang. 

So Nicole talked a lot about how most NDEs have 10 sort of, she said commandments or 10 elements. I don't know if this is the exact list, but I found 10 elements of a near death experience as researched by 50 NDEs profiled on the near death experiences, an after death website. This was done by NDE researcher PMH Atwater. 

So here are the 10 elements of a near death experience. A feeling of overwhelming love. People felt they were in the presence of an overwhelming love. In some instances, the source of the feeling seemed to be non specific, as if just a part of an atmosphere of the place. Other times, this feeling comes from the beings met there. 

Sometimes they are religious figures or nondescript beings of light, and sometimes they are relatives who've passed on previously. Two, mental telepathy. First of all, fuck yeah. The ability to communicate with people or entities through a kind of mental telepathy was reported by 60 percent of the experiences. 

It seemed to take place on a level of [00:05:00] consciousness rather than physicality. By the way, telepathy is real here on Earth. Life review. Some witnessed the review from the beginning to the end, others saw it in reverse order from present day back to the beginning. And while for some it appeared to be highlights, others felt they were witness to every event and detail of their lives. 

Meeting God. Meeting a figure that appeared to be God or some divine beating was reported by at least 75 percent of the people being interviewed, and even the atheists said that as well. Interesting! Next up, Tremendous Ecstasy. This might go hand in hand with the first character, this is a feeling of overwhelming love, but while that feeling comes from an external source, the experiences also felt their own way. 

Own eternal ecstasy. The tremendous joy of being in a place free of their bodies and earthly troubles and in the presence of loving beings. Interesting. Next up, some of the experiencers even felt they had unlimited knowledge. They're in the presence of limited knowledge and some even receive some or all of this knowledge as if the wisdom and secrets of the universe were [00:06:00] shared with them. 

Unfortunately, a lot of them were not able to retain this knowledge upon awakening. Next up, many of them traveled through afterlife levels. While there doesn't appear to just be one level in the afterlife, many said that they traveled through or were made aware of different levels or realms. Most of these NDB people next up were also told they were not ready to cross over yet, and that they had to go back. 

This is really consistent, and Nicole had a very similar experience. some of the NDA people were also shown their future. This could be future world events, or it could be events specific to the life of the person. Such knowledge perhaps helps in decision whether or not to return to their earthly existence. 

Next up, a tunnel. This comes up a lot. Become a trademark of near death experiences. Many reported feelings out of the body, rushing towards a peaceful light, moving rapidly through a passageway, or up a staircase. So that's the ten, elements of it. These are not all, everyone doesn't all experience this, and as Nicole said, there are some people who don't have this kind of near death experience, but it's just shocking to [00:07:00] me that if you google, like, I just listened to a guy who nearly died, or did die in a fire in Santa Barbara, and went to the other side, and he saw these, Entities that were very similar to the movie Communion, which I've never seen this movie, but there were like happy gnomes. 

And then the first thing the gnomes did when they went up to him, they're like, Hey, so like, what'd you learn? And then he said he saw a God figure walk towards him. And he said he felt so much love that it like choked and crushed him. Like he couldn't even talk. And the God figure was just smiling at him, laughing there. 

Everyone was just laughing. And the guy who died, his name was. forget what to say, it was Jeff, was like, okay, so should we like review my life now? And God was like laughing. He's like, yeah, of course. Sure. Why not? But then they told him he wasn't ready. 

And as he was reviewing his life, this guy was like looking back at his life and he said, I can't believe he was laughing at his own life. He's like, I can't believe. I ever [00:08:00] cared about anything I cared about at the level I did. I can't believe I even believed in the idea that I was a Jeff or that I was a firefighter or that I had a wife. 

Like all of those labels seem so restrictive. So how does this apply to you? How does this apply to us now? I don't know everything. Well my favorite quotes I ever heard was Mick Jagger's Rolling Stones saying they got in huge fights. The band did. You know, tumultuous, cocaine, that hair, those pants. They were wearing fucking spandex, and they got in like a big rift, right? 

And Mick Jagger said, I realized that at the end of my life, I was gonna forgive them anyways, so why not just do it now? why is this episode important? What is the biggest thing and takeaway I want from everybody listening to this? I want everybody, as best as we can, starting to live hearing these lessons, taking this in, and starting to live like this right now. [00:09:00] If we are all going to this place, which I'm convinced we are, I could be wrong. But hey, what a pretty great way to be wrong. 

Right? What's the worst that's gonna happen if you start living your life by Knowing that there's only love, knowing at the end you're going to feel unlimited ecstasy, none of the worries that you actually have actually matter. All of these labels and fears and worries and all of these identities that you have are actually not that important. 

What's more important is that you're a transcendent being of unlimited love. What's the worst that's gonna happen if we start living like that? I don't know. Greatness? So I have to say that this episode would not have been as impactful to me if I haven't felt these things. When I was going through these components of an NDE, and I was saying interesting, it's because I have felt these things, I always have felt these things. 

You get like whispers and you get flashes like I would I remember one time I was running in the park [00:10:00] with Willoughby and this great song comes out and I get like I got like flashes of like oh shit I'm infinite or I would like have an amazing connective moment with a woman where like time stops and you you disappear or Or you travel and you're so blown away from beauty by beauty. 

One of my favorite memories that I go to a lot is I was in Costa Rica with my girlfriend at the time in 2016, 15. And , we rent two four wheelers ATVs and I lived in New York, so I wasn't used to this kind of beauty. And we T we turned the corner and we're, Driving on the beach and as we're driving a bird is flying parallel to me Against the backdrop of this majestic ocean and I was like, oh This is perfection. 

I got to go to Skywalker Ranch and driving up to that ranch It was one of the happiest times of my life, and seeing the sun reflect the ocean across a bridge as I'm driving over this bridge, [00:11:00] there are few better things than I've ever seen in my life. Bruce Lipton said, when I just saw him recently, a couple months ago, Heaven on Earth is possible now. 

So, My goal of this episode and to hear NDE's people and it's the literal goal of my show that I wrote that I'm shooting soon that I'm so excited for you guys to see is for people to see past death or to see it as actually the ultimate freedom and it's more of our job not to be bracing for death to but to be accepting it to give us more life. 

Because by accepting death and thinking that it's the greatest thing actually that's probably ever going to happen to us, we free ourselves on a whole new level right now. You want to liberate yourself. You want to feel infinity. Listen to near death people say this is where you're going anyways. So now when you're in the Starbucks line and somebody cuts you off [00:12:00] or\ yesterday, I found out I have to get a new hybrid battery for my car, which is really expensive. 

And so I went Down the road of the rabbit hole of the shitty thoughts and I'm like, you know what man this doesn't fucking matter Period if I'm an internal being Internal being filled with nothing but love light joy and excitement and wonder Does me having to buy this hybrid battery right now mean anything? 

And i'm not saying it's easy But I am saying that once you experience this feeling on a profound level and thank you to psychedelics Thank you a thousand million times to psychedelics It's time for everybody to start getting fucking serious about psychedelics and Take away the fear from them, use them responsibly and realize that there are actually doors and portals to open you up to these realizations to show you just how much love there is. 

It's crazy. So, Esther Hicks, when she was interviewing Wayne Dyer, [00:13:00] he goes, is there hell? And she said, no, it's heaven or hell right now you choose. And like, really, if you think about it, what could possibly be worse than hell? Having a mind that is so critical, filled with so much shame, and I've had a lot of these things, and is so hard on yourself that you can't even barely apply for a job because you feel you're riddled with so much doubt and anxiety. 

is it even possible that there's anything worse than that? Or that, like as Nicole said, horrible wars going on and poverty. I don't want to go too far down the hell road because I don't even think it exists. I don't know. But I was raised as religious as it gets, as catholic as it gets. You could not have been raised more religious than me. 

Well actually you probably could, you could be a fucking Duggar and put in a pilgrim costume. But, I have had to make peace with that, and I have. I'm not perfect. There's still [00:14:00] things that need to be probably emptied out of my system what I love what Nicole said is like if you took out The fear of death and the fear of God and the fear of hell heaven on earth is possible Now you can reach a level of gratitude appreciation and you don't need psychedelics You do not You can get there through intense gratitude, through amazing meditations. 

 I've actually been just meditating so much and getting there all the time. So heaven on earth is possible now. And these people are evidence of that heaven. That seems like a good thing to me, y'all. I want to leave you with this before we get into this amazing episode. 

It's a Trevor Hall, who I just saw play live at Red Rocks. He's crazy spiritual. And I want to give you an example of what this heaven on earth feels like. This is the first part of his song chapter of the forest. Here we go. I greet my Lord down by the riverside. It hits me almost every time. Beauty runs so deep it's hard to sleep at night.[00:15:00]  

This is the chapter of the forest. Every line and every chorus. From my heart it comes, I pour it. Into every single melody. Flame without the smoke. On this holy poetry, I swear I'll never choke. Let's get excited! Okay, you're alive! And you're very lucky, we are all very lucky to be alive. 

And I want us all To not have to almost die to experience how good life is. So, I'm so excited about this episode, here she is, Nicole Kerr. All right, everybody. Welcome to a brand new, very special episode of Spiritual Asshole. I'm so excited to be joined by Nicole Kerr. She's a health and wellness expert and author of the best selling book, You Are Deathless. A near death experience taught me how to fully live and not fear death. 

How are you doing, Nicole? I'm doing great, Brenton. How are you today? I'm doing so good. When you had your near death experience, you said you were surrounded by beautiful white light. Do you think that when [00:16:00] DJs die, they're surrounded by strobe lights? I love that. Well, you know, when you get to the other side, you're going to have all kinds of lights and colors that you can't even imagine here. 

But yeah, no, it's going to initially be a white, clear kind of light that you're going to be flooded with. You're going to be wrapped in it like a cocoon. That's so nice. That's so nice. Yeah. I mean, the question that I have, well, I have so many questions, but one of the big questions I have is because it's such a good feeling being on the other side. 

Is there any part of you that when you're living, you're like, maybe I should just die again. Oh, I tried to. I have tried to go back to the other side and to capture that feeling again, because when you come back to earth, you're going to have pain and suffering. I mean, that's just unfortunately part of our lesson on earth. 

Every single person, I don't care who you are, how famous you are. You're going to experience pain, suffering, loss, grief, all of these really difficult betrayal, all these difficult emotions. And they're hard and it [00:17:00] sucks. And yeah, when you've had that other feeling and you know that you want to try to get back to it. 

Yeah, so I actually watched a guy in Santa Barbara, a firefighter, his NDE video recently and he basically said when he, he got to this place, he talked to these entities and he was just, they're like, you're going back and he's like, I don't want to go back. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And he had like a pretty good life. 

He had a nice wife. Was, did you have that moment too, where you're like, don't take me back there? Yeah, I absolutely did. I crossed over to the other side. I was in a car crash. Yeah, just for your audience. That is on YouTube. That's the car crash. Oh, my gosh. So that's August 28th, 1983. Oh, my God. So if you're listening audio, this car is completely destroyed. 

Yeah, it was a 1965 Corvette convertible. No, such a good car too. 

The cool car, cool car of cadets at all the U. S. military academies. [00:18:00] Okay. It's Corvette. And the thing is, it didn't have seatbelts. So we were actually ejected and flew out of the car, which turned out to save our lives. That's the only type of car that I was just not wearing a seatbelt in is a Corvette convertible. 

Oh my gosh. It flipped and landed on its top. So we would have been, we would have been crushed to death. What ours was already pronounced dead. So it didn't really matter in my case, but the other guy did live, the driver. Okay, so yeah, can you just talk a little bit about it since we're already there? And so everyone knows? 

Yeah, I was 19 years old. I was one of the first classes of female cadets at the United States Air Force Academy. And I have to tell you, I had not one military bone in my body. And the only reason I even applied to the academy was to please my father. I grew up in the South, a massive people pleaser, which is an identity many of us take on. 

To get through life, but later in life, it doesn't serve us because we wind up pretzeling ourself into all kinds of positions to please other people. And we're not being [00:19:00] honest because we're fearing confrontation or we're fearing, um, that some, we're going to hurt somebody or that we're going to lose somebody if we speak our truth. 

So we learn not to speak our truth and to tell other people what we think they want to hear. And that is so inauthentic and it really does sabotage you later in life. But I went because I wanted to police him and he was a graduate and I went there and the first day of boot camp, Brendan, they're all yelling at me. 

I got issued everything except a bra. They took all my, my makeup away, all my new clothes, all this kind of stuff. And I was just like, what the hell have I done? And I knew immediately, my soul knew immediately that I was in the wrong place. I did not need to be trained to be a killer. And that's what the service academies, I mean, you come out with a degree, but you're trained to become an officer and you are trained to kill the enemy. 

And I was just like, I, I struggled so hard to get through [00:20:00] BCT. I was like, remember Goldie Hawn in private? I was like her. Okay. I just was not the typical person. And, um, and I, you know, when we were firing, uh, M 16s and, And the 45, I blew the base off of the target thing. I didn't, I mean, I never fired a weapon before in my life. 

And I'm the guy goes, Kurt, we're never going to put you on the front lines. That's what I would do to miss, but it's hilarious. Yeah, no, it was just like, he goes, you didn't even hit the target. You blew up the concrete. It was stuck in, you know, I just, I, I'm not, you know, I'm just not that physically fit. 

Fit in terms of everyone there was on varsity sport teams. And I wasn't, I took ballet. I mean, I wanted to go do ballet with the Joffrey ballet company, but I passed all the tests. I don't know how, but I got in and then I realized I can't get out because the shame and the humiliation that I would feel for quitting and our family, you don't quit [00:21:00] something, Brendan. 

I don't know about yours, but when you've gotten to somewhere as elite as that, and the process was so arduous. You know, you got to stay, you got to put up with all the bullshit, the abuse, the harassment, and I did until this crash happened, and it took me out, and I was, pronounced dead at the scene, okay, some bystanders had seen the crash, we were at the squadron function, I got a ride back with a senior cadet, who I didn't know, I was just like, hey, can you give me a ride back to the academy, and he's like, sure, hop in. 

He wanted to stop and have a couple more beers, which we did. And that was the first time in my life that I had beer and consciously broke my dad's three rules, which were going to college, no beer, no smoking, and no dating. And I was just like, well, there's all the fun of going to college, right? But I, I grew up in the South, uh, really Bible Belt, real religious, very, protected in terms of experiences in life. 

I never dated. And now I'm going to school with 4, 000 [00:22:00] guys. And that's something don't date any of them. Okay. So, you know, it's like have no fun. His motto was work comes before fun and you never get to fun because you're always working. It's just really like the first time in my life that I think, yeah, I'm going to have a beer. 

I'm going to have a cigarette. And then when he wanted to make out, I was like, no, we're not going there. We need to get back to the academy. We're on a curfew. And we never did. He unfortunately was drunk. I didn't realize that. And he spun, he got really angry at me because he made a sexual pass. And I said, no, we're not doing that. 

And he got angry and he, spun the wheel of the car. It spun out, fishtail, I guess it is. And then hit a huge boulder. This is in Colorado Springs. Oh my God. And, like I said, some bystanders heard it, they came out, they checked me, couldn't get any kind of vital, went over to check him, he was conscious, minimally hurt, and I called 911, and the EMT, uh, first responders got there within 10 to 13 minutes, so I [00:23:00] was, quote, clinically dead for 10 to 13 minutes. 

Now you have to remember there is a clinical definition for being pronounced dead and the EMT that attended me actually wound up getting what they call the Phoenix Award, which is given to first responders who bring somebody who is clinically dead, they resuscitate them and bring them back to life. 

Wow. But when I died, my memory came back. Brendan, this is what is so like unbelievable 19 years later, and I only remembered that bright white light which you were talking about earlier. That's the only thing I remembered when I woke up in the intensive care unit at the hospital the next morning. Um, and I had to ask the surgeon. 

I said, I just remember being in this white light that just flooded me. It was like, yeah, Wrapping every part around me and I didn't feel the pain of impacts. it was so soothing and loving. And, I didn't, I did, I just wanted to float in. It was like, I was in an astronaut in outer space full of awe and wonder.[00:24:00]  

And she said, Oh gosh, Nicole, no, it was not the operating room lights. There's no way you were totally unconscious. She said, it's something super natural. It's something beyond. medicine or science. And you know, you have to understand this term resuscitation. I mean, I was dead. Okay. And that is a hard, that's a mind boggling thing to grasp because How can I be alive if I was dead, you know, it just, it's like the only person I knew who was been resurrected was Jesus. 

That's what I was taught at that time. Right. Okay. And then here's the thing, all of us that have come back, there's a lady out there who's actually dead. She was from West Virginia for 17 hours and then she came back to life. So It happens and it's something other than yourself bringing yourself back. 

It is a supernatural,  

 God, creator, whatever you want to call this being, this entity, this energy, this [00:25:00] intelligence, it's your identity is tied up in your, most of us in our physical identity. But we, upon death, we're all energy bodies. Upon death, your energy body cracks from the top all the way down and your soul, your spirit flies out. 

Okay, that breath that week that we are doing every a couple of seconds. We're breathing in and breathing out. That's what's keeping us alive. Okay, once the breath is gone, your body is going to cease to exist. The physical body. When I died, I remembered 19 years later going up through the windshield. I remembered how I was sitting in the car, which I never could figure out. 

The injuries that I sustained were massive. And I remember I had my foot on the dashboard and I had the other foot crossed over and I was leaning back. And then when it happened, I went butt up through the windshield. I got up to like the top and I looked down and I knew I was going to die. And I called out, God, please help me. 

And at that moment, an angel came down. [00:26:00] And took me to the other side. So I never felt the pain of impact. And I want your audience to know most people, almost all of them who die in a, like a traumatic situation like that, they never feel the pain. Their spirit leaves before they hit the ground. Okay. So just to confirm, you were 19 at the time. 

Okay. And then after that happened, were you like, maybe fun isn't good. Yes, that is exactly my belief system. I do everything I can to keep myself safe. I'm never going to get in a car with someone who's been, you know, drunk again. and so I'm going to drive everybody everywhere. You know, I just, I got really rigid to keep myself safe. 

And that's what happens when. You don't process trauma is your body will develop unhealthy techniques to deal with it because if you have been traumatized, I'm sorry, you guys, the only way to deal with it is you have to go through it. You have to to release the emotions. You have [00:27:00] to understand that that is what is driving your nervous system unconsciously, even present day. 

And most of the time, right? You don't even remember stuff. That's why people don't remember sexual abuse, you know, until years later or like my accident. I asked the doctor, why 19 years? I'm like, come on. I had no memory. I just got on with life. And he said, Nicole, it's repressed memories. Your body has to feel safe and you have to have a support system to deal with this. 

And you didn't have either one of those until that time, 19 years later. And at that point, I believe in angels. I believe in spirit guides. They said, You've got to remember this because you have a mission now, Nicole, you have got to tell people not to be afraid of death. And we are a death denial culture. 

Okay. We don't want to think about death. We don't think it's going to happen to us. And I'm here to tell you that we do need to think about it because it is going to happen to us and we need to switch the [00:28:00] conversation from doom and gloom and depression and negativity to one of it's positive. It's deaf, me and millions of other NDE experiencers. 

Our common experience is death is absolute beauty, light, loving kindness, and this peace that passes all understanding on the other side. Okay, there's nothing to be afraid of, but if you grow up in our society with a strong religious influence, most of the protestant religions and the catholic, they all position God as dualistic. 

He's loving, he's protective on one side, but then there's a set of rules and each church adds to the 10 commandments, their own rules. Okay. So if you break those rules, you become a bad person, you become a sinner and you need to be forgiven and God is going to judge you and you're going to be punished and you in the Baptist church, I grew up Southern Baptist in Lutheran. 

Brendan, you were going to hell. Oh yeah. No, me too. I grew up Catholic. So [00:29:00] absolutely. 100%. Yeah. So you wind up growing up with fear running your nervous system that you're going to be eternally separated from your family. And that's the worst thing you can do to a child is to abandon a child. That's what they fear the most is they're going to be separated from their, their parents or their family. 

And that's exactly what the church did was instill that fear so that they could control you. It's all about controlling. And when I got to the other side, I'm so glad to tell you God was nothing like that. God does not have anything to do with fear, judgment, punishment, punitive. God is love, end of sentence, period. 

Love, this open arms, unconditional love. And it is something that you have to just experience. You can't even put it in words. It's hard for us to even get the English language. You know, when I was over on the other side, You don't have, I mean, I'm in this translucent energy kind of thing form. And they don't speak English over there. 

[00:30:00] Okay. You get messages through telepathy, through vibration. I hired a conversation between two angels over there. They were saying, we humans have to ask for their help. Angels want to help us, but we have to ask for their help because we have something called freewill and we get to make choices, but I'm telling you, they want to help. 

They're on the other side, but you have to ask them unless it's an emergency situation like mine was. And they will, they will intervene. And in this case, it turned out later to be my grandfather, who was deceased, that came down and picked me up and took me to the other side. And they told me you're going to go back. 

And I was going, no, no, no, I could see, I could see. see my body in the ditch, Brendan. I could see how mangled I was. I knew when I got back in that body, I was going to feel pain and suffering. I was going to have the wrath of God and my father on me for disobeying him. Okay. And I was just like, which is your father's worse than God in [00:31:00] this case. 

Yeah. Well, it's true. It absolutely is true. He is dogmatically positioned even to this day. He is right about everything, you know, and he's a religious addict, unfortunately, and you can't, you can't, um, Converse with somebody who is an addict. You're always in a no win situation. And especially with religion, they frame it with God, their version of God. 

And so they don't have any, openness or acceptance for your, belief system that totally has changed my life and transformed my life. You can't have an experience like this and come back and not be spiritually transformed. And it was such a shock to me to learn everything I had been taught As a child and a young adult went on believing it was a bunch of lies. 

They were belief systems that were not the truth. And it has destroyed so many people, so many civilizations, blaming God, which is not the truth, for wars and all these things that don't happen. God is not a [00:32:00] vending machine. It's not something that you put, you pray into and say, okay, I'm going to do all these right behaviors. 

I'm going to punch the Coca Cola button and boom, Coke's going to come out. How many times have you put your money in and some nothing comes out? The machine stuck. Or like Mountain Dew will come out instead of Coca Cola. And you go, I didn't want that. That's kind of like the church goes, well, you must've done something wrong. 

It's my fault that the machine's not working. And that is something I'm here to tell you. That's not about God. That is a man made concept about putting instilling fear in us, which is one of the lowest vibrations to run around with. When you're in fear, Brendan, you're not going to have clarity. You're in that amygdala fight, flight or freeze. 

Okay. You're not in your prefrontal cortex where all your executive decision making is coming. So if you're living in fear, you're going to have a bunch of worry. And when you're saturated with fear and worry, spirit can't even enter you. I love this. Okay. So, so many things to say. I think that [00:33:00] for me, one of my favorite things you said, so I've actually had these feelings because of psychedelics. 

And I, a really important thing. I hope everybody hears when they're listening to this. It's like, it's one thing. You just said to talk about it. It's another thing to feel it like the way you just described. Being like, kind of like a star, like celestial being on the way. Like I experienced that exact same feeling on ketamine and, and mushrooms. 

And so you, and I experienced this quote, which you said, which is, I want everybody to hear this. You said in the moment. I didn't receive forgiveness for my mistakes from my stern father that I had because my mistakes didn't exist. And I feel like that's such a, everybody needs to hear that, like, cause we can't even as humans begin to fathom that. 

Like, I could, I never could actually, I could intellectualize that, but when you feel it, you're like, oh. All of the things that we worry about don't matter. So can you talk about that? Yeah. Well, that's one of the [00:34:00] 10 common lessons, um, from NDEs, which is a science based, publication that came out in 2020 showing these 10 lessons. 

And if we could replace the 10 commandments with these 10 lessons, Oh, that's a great idea. Oh, my God, it would make I don't want you to die to have to learn these lessons. Put these lessons into practice right now. And one of them is you are not judged. That is so freeing. 

And that's about what God wants us to feel free here and to enjoy life and not be scared and in fear and worry all the time. That is not, that is not what it wants. Okay? Because it's not even a he. It's not a person. It's not a person. It's a consciousness more so, but you're not judged and I get a lot of pushback on that, especially from people that are in religions and I understand because I was taught you are going to, to, to die and you're going to go, you know, meet St. 

Peter and God and you're going to have, it's like Santa Claus. He's got a list of what you did that [00:35:00] was bad and good. And you're going to be judged for that. And I'm here to tell you, no, because the terms bad and good, those are earth terms that we use to evaluate ourselves and others. They do not exist on the other side. 

So if you don't have good and bad on the other side, there's nothing to judge. That's so good. So do you think that you experienced this profound feeling, obviously, and it's amazing. Do you think that we can reach that enlightenment here in our bodies? Absolutely. You did. Yeah, I did. And I do a meditation too. 

It wasn't just psychedelics. Now when I meditate, I can get to this place too, where I'm just like, I become nothing and it's the best feeling in the world. Yeah. Yeah. No, it is. It's, uh, it's like the space between the space is what, Dr. Joe Dispenza talks about it as. You know, but it is training your mind in a certain way, you know, and once you've had the experience, then it makes it easier to get to that because you know how you want to feel. 

And I will tell you when [00:36:00] I, when the EMT was working on me, okay, he, they had covered me up at the scene, put a blanket on me. And when he got to the scene, he took it off. He was a former Navy SEAL. He couldn't get any vitals on me. So the last thing he tried was a sternal knuckle press. Which is designed to elicit pain in the body. 

And he did that on me and Brendan. The only sign of life he could get on me was my right. I, my pupil flinched. He caught that. Now, have you heard of that saying our eyes are the window to the soul? Yeah, of course. Okay. At that moment on the other side, when I was told I was going to come back. He did that, maneuver on me and my soul came back in through my eye, that energy, that, consciousness came in through my eye. 

And at that moment, he was able to get a blood pressure on me of 60 over zero. Now that's still life in depth because a normal one is 120 over 80. So they had to start CPR and they did CPR for 20 minutes in the bus to get into the nearest [00:37:00] community hospital. Okay. Not the big hospital in Colorado Springs, just the community one. 

That's a long time to do CPR on somebody. Okay. Uh, 20 minutes. And oh my gosh. And so they, they kept me. alive till I got there and, you know, handed me over to the surgeon and that team. And then they just tried to stabilize me that night and they spent hours in the O. R. Just trying to stabilize me. And then when they were going to give up, I stabilized You know, and I had so many experiences in the hospital where it was life and death and I just would, I would come through it and I got gangrene from all of the, dirt the, the fiberglass and all of the, you know, you, when you have something like that, you, your intestines, released and so you're covered in fecal matter as well. 

and so what injuries did you have? We haven't talked about that. Well, I, almost completely amputated my left foot. It was hanging on by that much skin. So, uh, they had to pick up the foot and put it on the gurney as well. [00:38:00] my right wrist was completely severed. They had to pin that back together. I broke both sides of my pelvis and I had, internal injuries. 

I had a severe road burn from skating on the pavement. Um, okay. I regret asking you. Yeah. And then the big one was, which presented a lot of problems was a fourth degree, which is the worst kind of laceration that you can have between my anal and sphincter muscle. they had to do emergency surgery two weeks later into a colostomy, which is rerouting your bowels outside of your. 

you know, plugging your test and out so you can poop in a bag is basically what Austin means are. And so they had to do that. And here I am, a 19 year old girl never had had sex. And the first thing I do when I wake up from the operation and see my bowels in this bag is gone. No guy is ever going to have sex with me because I mean, this is what I'm just, I can't even stand to look at it. 

So how could anybody else, I mean, it was mortifying to me. And, you know, I [00:39:00] just was one thing after another, I would start to get better. And then boom, And then in the operation where they did the colostomy, I actually coded again, a code blue, which means they were losing me. They couldn't get my heart going. 

and I remember that I was trying to go back to the other side. I was in so much pain that I just wanted to leave again. So I started to leave and that's why they actually called time of death on me. They went and told my parents who were praying in the chapel, Nicole, we lost her, you're going to, you need to start planning her funeral. 

And then two minutes later, the surgical nurse runs in and says, her heart just started again. And what happened was my guardian, one of my guardian angels, caught me on the other side and he goes, you're going back to that party. You're like, how many times do I have to leave? I'm trying to leave this party. 

You know, I really, really was trying to leave this party. Yes, exactly. And it's just like, Nope, you're coming back. And then, you know, it's just been a long haul. My [00:40:00] entire adulthood has been. It's bad. unraveling belief systems and the truth about what I experienced on the other side, because we have a society that wants you to discount your memories. 

And when you don't remember something right away, and there's a time lapse, people are like, well, you must have made it up or invented it. And I want to go, that is not true. I couldn't come up with a story that's good. And we have got to start respecting people and understanding that the body represses memories for a certain reason. 

Transcribed And then they come up when you're ready to deal with it. But if I had to deal with this back then, I would have been overwhelmed and been in a psych institution. I'm sure that, you know, and I want to say that just so everybody knows, it seems to me like all the NDE stories are pretty remarkably similar. 

They are, there are, there's maybe 10 percent that have what they call a distressing NDE. Yeah. Where they see darkness [00:41:00] and they go into, you know, they see evil, evil, I guess. And I would like to say with those. People, and it can happen to a good person. They don't have to be a bad person to have a a, a, distressing NDE, but a lot of 'em through the NDE go from the darkness into the light, and they come out of it in the light. 

It usually is where they are in their life. They may be at a really, they may be suicidal or at a really a dark place in their life, and then something like that happens. So it's manifesting. In the NDE. So I do want to acknowledge that some people do have that, but the overwhelming majority had this feeling that we do not die. 

Okay. Our spirit lives on. love is all that matters and is the source of all that exists. Okay. And that is so relevant in our day and age right now, because there is so much vitriol and, uh, fear and, lack of respect and, how we are polarizing things and [00:42:00] hating one another. And that is the complete opposite of what Jesus taught, what all religions teach about love, you know, at least that one piece of it, we are love and oneness on the other side. 

That's the bottom line. We are all connected. Everyone and everything is connected. And I can't, I, you know, I, I, Like hit my head against the wall. Just going people. Can't you understand? We never know, Brendan, when our last day on this earth is going to be. And if we could actually live with that awareness and be present, we would live in a more deeper, meaningful, loving, kinder way to one another because we would know that we would never see him again. 

And it's so important that we have that presence of mind to understand you may not make it home today. There could be a traffic. I mean, you just never know. I certainly didn't think I was going to die at 19 years old. I mean, yeah. And these mass shootings that go on, I still go back to Sandy Hook and all those little [00:43:00] first graders, you know, that just died and their lives, their parents, their families, people that knew them, they're forever changed because of that, you know? 

 It's important that we start a different conversation around death. We bring it up to a higher vibration. We talk about it. I can't tell you how many single parents I've talked to where they've lost a spouse or they just didn't have another spouse. And the child is really scared, especially if they've lost a parent to death for cancer or an illness or something like that. 

I know this from personal experience with my sister. Her husband died of A. L. S. Um, and the children Children were 10 and 13 horrific disease and a 10 year old asked the mom asked my sister and he said, you know Are you gonna die too mom? And she said no. No, I'm not going to you're gonna be just fine Don't worry about that. 

You know, I'm healthy and I do all the right things And, you know, I said to her later, you know, maybe you needed to be a little bit more honest and [00:44:00] say, and this is being aged appropriate with the child that you're dealing with. You know, honey, we never know when our last date is going to be on earth. I'm doing everything I know how to do to stay healthy and to keep myself, from passing due to anything. 

But an accident could happen or something could happen and I become impaired and not able to function. And I want you to know if that should happen, which I don't plan for it to do, but it could. Here's what's going to happen. They're going to go live with Aunt Nicole and Uncle James. You're going to have to move to a different state and get into a different school system. 

But you're going to be okay. They are going to take care of you. You're not going to have to worry about money. You know, and ease their anxiety, worries, and fears. And don't just blow it off and say, No, I'm going to be okay. I'm not going to die. Because that's not being honest. And then if something did happen to you, think about what the little 10 year old is going through in his mind.  

Mommy lied to me and I can't trust anybody. And what am I going to do now? You know, it's I got to grow up. They got to grow up real [00:45:00] fast, right? He's got to be the man of the house now at 10 years old. So we not, we need to start having these discussions and we need, and that's why I want my book to be a book club book, because I want people to discuss this. 

What are your fears of death? And I have a fear checklist in there. And it's important that we start these conversations because how many families do you know? They get the funeral comes upon them and nobody was clear on what mama's intentions were okay She didn't write it down. It fractures more families Yeah, it holds together because they're they're mad that so and so got the silver or the china They were supposed to get it and I mean material stuff that you go. 

It doesn't even matter You know, but it does in that moment in time, you know, and so It causes this fracturing and these Fissures that never heal I mean, whatever. First of all, you look great. The fact that you went through that now you do, you look amazing that you went through that, like, and you're still good. 

So what lessons that you took from that, [00:46:00] how did you incorporate them in your day to day life now, then how are you taking it? And does it frustrate you that like, you could go through such a beautiful experience like that sometimes, but then you get in a Starbucks line and you're like, Hey, fuck this guy. 

Cause you get right back into that, like humanness of us where you're mad about the China that you. Why did my sister get the China like all these things that you know, don't actually matter, you know, and I'm human. And that's the bit you have to balance your humanity with the spirituality. Okay. And I did that the other day, I had to go get blood drawn. 

And I went into lab and they were backed up eight people. And then I estimated 15 minutes per person. And I go, I'm sitting here for another hour and a half. The lobotomist was working on the printer because there was a global outage that day in the printer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so she couldn't get the orders. 

And I'm going, I'm not sitting around waiting. And so I went to the reception and I said, I'm coming back next week to get my blood drawn. I'm just not going to wait around with this. And, you know, and part of that was just I'm pissed off. I'm not going to do this and sit here and wait and the other part [00:47:00] was like that's taking care of me. 

I'm not going to waste an hour and a half or whatever. So a balancing act, is what I'm saying there. But yeah, we're all human and you have to honor that human side of you that does have some fears, but most fears are irrational. So you need to really do a deep dive into this. 

Is this rational? Is this an old belief system? I don't know. That I'm continuing to believe, and it's time to update that. And I guess what I want to tell people is, your soul is your eternal self. You do live on. You do not die. There is no pain at death, and you don't die alone, okay? There's a whole spiritual realm waiting to help you. 

There are angels, there are guides, there are your deceased loved ones, and guess what? Your little puppy and your pet are on the other side of death. As well. Why would a God send these little creatures, the feather friends and furry friends to us and know that they bring us such happiness? And for most people, [00:48:00] that's the only unconditional love they'll ever receive is from their animal. 

And then not have them on the other side, okay? God would never do something like that, okay? That's just They'll be there waiting for you just like your deceased loved ones, okay? I want people to know that it's not easy when you come back from something like this because you're more sensitive, okay? 

And I can't handle large crowds. I can't handle music. And my husband is a songwriter, musician, so he has to go into his soundproof We're now in soundproof garage. So But I can't handle toxins. I can't handle smoke. You know, there's so many sensitivities that most of us come back with. And it's, it's hard to live in this world with all of that. 

And especially around people who have a negative or low energy vibration, you know, you don't want to get pulled into that. You don't want to get sat down. So you're going to have to set boundaries. with toxic people. And a lot of times that's going to be your family of origin. And we are taught, and this is another belief [00:49:00] system we need to shatter, that family is everything. 

That is not the truth. Your soul family is everything, not your earthly family. So if you are not getting the support that you need and you're not getting what, um, you know, if you're just hanging on because you have this belief system that, you know, you have to honor your mother and your father from the 10 commandments, that's not true. 

If they're being narcissistic or abusive or. punitive to you. You know, you don't have to stay in that relationship. You can set boundaries with it. You can choose to do that. You don't have to continue to be hurt over and over and over again. And I think that's been the hardest thing is to re conceptualize God. 

I had to completely let go of the God that I grew up with and start evolving a new concept and also to set boundaries with my family members. And to speak my truth, because this is an alternative viewpoint than a lot of people believe, especially the older generation. I think that our generation, the younger [00:50:00] generation is more open to it. 

It's definitely a generational kind of thing. And they just You just need to die out. I love that you whispered that. You just need to die. No big deal. Yeah. So that's great. They're not going to change their mind. You can't try to convince somebody about this. They have to be open to it. that, you know, like the judgment, it's not going to happen. 

You are going to have a life review on the other side where everything that you thought, said, and did on this earth, it does, you are going to be shown how it impacted yourself, others, and the world. So you need to be mindful of the choices and the behaviors and the words that you say to one another because you will experience what it felt like on the other side to be that person who received it. 

that leads me to, do you think that then there is, there's like a hell then? Is there like a karmic, yeah, there's no, like you, if you review it, hell is on [00:51:00] earth, hell is on earth. Yeah, it's the people living over in the war in Gaza and Israel and the poverty in Africa. If you've ever been over there and seen that and their living conditions, and we're sitting here, you know, bitching about, oh, my internet connection is slow, you know, and they're going, can I get some fresh water? 

You know, if you have not traveled to a third world country, get your butt first, get the passport and get on a plane and go, you will come back. So grateful for all the, , opportunities, the blessings, the freedom, the material things that we can have and enjoy over here, including air conditioning. Yeah. 

And I also think hell can be your mind. Like there's addictions are, are clearly people that are addicted are living in a hell, you know, because they can't see, they can't get out of that addiction to figure out who they truly are. Right. So what do you think would happen In this world, if we all weren't as scared of death, how do you think this world will be? 

Well, I think once, if we did not [00:52:00] fear death, that means we all have to reconceptualize God, especially if you grew up with a God who was judgmental, you know? So first of all, that would raise our vibrations and we would start loving ourselves, which a lot of people think they may love themselves. But you have to embody that love and understand you cannot shame yourself. 

You can't should yourself, which should, I should have done this. I should have done that. You know, you've got to quit using those words because they are taking you down, but you will love yourself. And then you know how to love others. And you know, you love mother earth. You don't want to litter. You don't, you want, you love all sentient beings, you know, animals. 

You're not going to want them fighting against each other and betting on them. Yeah, no, for sure. So you have this great post. I don't know if you wrote this, but it said, don't ever save anything for a special occasion because being alive is a special occasion. Yes, it is. And it actually is a privilege and we have a short time and the greater scheme [00:53:00] of our life experience on this planet and to make the most and to live fully each and every day and gratitude is important. 

Be grateful, even like me with my health conditions. Okay. I still have to remind myself to be grateful that I'm even walking. They did not think I would walk again, okay? you know, you have to remind yourself it is true. Health is the greatest wealth as, you know, you are not going to be able to, to be there for other people if you're not taking care of yourself. 

And so don't ever take your health for granted, please. Please don't. Okay. Great. , well, I like to close. This has been wonderful. I got chills at some point by playing a game called spiritual or asshole where I say some things and you tell me if it's spiritual or asshole. Are you down? 

Yeah, let's go. Okay. Spiritual or asshole using NDE to try and order McDonald's. Oh, my God, such an asshole. And look, I'm a dietitian, so you gotta understand me and fast food. Uh, uh. Okay. Spiritual asshole. We kind of talked about this already. The [00:54:00] idea of hell. Oh, that's an asshole. 

, you learn it in a spiritual, uh, or a church, a religious setting. But it is here on Earth. It is not going to happen when you cross over to the other side. So you're, the asshole bit is believing that it exists. It's a place down and down under. There's a devil there. You're gonna have barbecue every night. 

Whatever. I love that. Spiritual asshole. Thinking that we will be rewarded in the afterlife if we do things the right way. Oh, that is such an asshole. I used to believe that, but it's not true. Get out of that belief system. Discard it, people. It's not true. Because you talked about ghosts on another podcast. 

Spiritual or asshole? Indifferent ghosts. Ghosts who just chill on the couch and watch Hulu. Some ghosts want to do that, 

Sometimes you gotta just chill. You never hear about an indifferent ghost that's like sup man? You think about how much we want to numb ourselves out, okay? We binge on Netflix, we binge on food, we binge on alcohol, whatever. It's, [00:55:00] it's, uh, you just want to numb out for a while, you just want to escape. you know, we're human, it's, sometimes it just becomes too much. 

I just need to veg out. Okay, this one's fun. Spiritual asshole saying there's only one true God than holding up your dog.  

That's, you know, that's an asshole that is going to think that there's one true God. There's many paths to God and your doggy is going to be one of your biggest teachers about how to love. Oh, they're the best. Yes, they are. And so, you know, they show us, they mirror us. They can't talk, but they can certainly feel and they are little spiritual beings and you can learn so much from them if you allow yourself to. 

They're great gifts. Absolutely. All right. Spiritual Russell, getting over your fear of death by flying Frontier Airlines because nothing could be worse than that. I think there is one that's worse than that. Spirit Airlines. Spirit Airlines. Those are the two that are helping everybody get over their fear of death. 

I love it. All right. last question I ask everybody, if you could tell people one thing to tell themselves all day long, what would it be? [00:56:00] You are loved. Love it. You really are. Your essence and your core is love. We have spiritual amnesia, so we forget that and we spend our whole life trying to remember that we really are love. 

I love that. I love when you talk about you talk about spiritual amnesia on other podcasts. I love that term. All right. Well, you want to tell everybody where they can find you. So again, look, get your book. It's amazing. Sure. I'm on Amazon. I'm on Barnes and Nobles and your independent bookstore can order it. 

I also, um, am on audible. I voiced it, narrated it myself, which was a five month process. And I had to go back into therapy doing that because it's one thing to write a book. Okay. It took me 13 years to write this book. It's another thing. To speak your book, which is what happened to me. And it's another thing to listen back in your own voice. 

and embody, Oh my God, that is my truth. So it's three layers of healing there that you don't even realize is going on. So it's on audible. you can contact me at my website, right to me. I will send you the first chapter for [00:57:00] free. I will try to zoom in on your book club meeting. If you do that, cause I really want the discussion of death to get out of this death denial that we're in as a country and start talking about. 

The reality of death and that it is going to happen. And so let's frame it as positive because it certainly is. I love it. Well, thank you so much. This has been amazing. Thank you, Brendan. I feel like when you buy a ticket to Spirit Airlines or Frontier Airlines, it's like you look at all the planes available, and you see them right in front of you, and you just go, nah dude, let me get that knockoff plane. 

Let me get that plane that looks like it has a mullet. Let me get that plane that looks like it was bought on Groupon. That's what I want. Keep it going for Nicole Kerr. You can find her on our website, NicoleKerr. com. Definitely buy her book, follow her on Instagram. It's Nicole. Angelique. Kerr on Instagram. 

For what she went through and the state that she's in right now, it's literally incredible. It's amazing. And I hope that everyone took away from this [00:58:00] episode, a new appreciation for the gift of life that we were all given. Side note, I love you. I hope you have the greatest week of all time. I believe all your dreams can come true. 

I believe there's so much love here for you. I believe that the more that we let go of the invisible fears and chains that we have put on ourselves the closer we'll be coming to living heaven on earth. Pretty great. Pretty great y'all. Hope you have the best week. [00:59:00]