"Am I a Box or Am I a Wave?" (Solo Ep w/Brendan Fitzgibbons)

In this quite frankly, epic solo episode, Brendan will ask you one of the most important questions you've been asked, "What is Brat Summer?" Seriously. What is it? He'll also ask, 'Are you a box, or are you a wave?'  Don't get splashed. 

Brendan goes all in on: 

• Why Western Doctors gotta chill on diagnosis and labels. 
• How Brendan time travelled and went to Prom this weekend. 
• The REAL reason why you keep attracting the WRONG PERSON!
• Why there definitely is NO SPOON. 
• A key practice to show you just how far you have come!. 
• And why maybe it's ok if you just 2.5x your life. 

RESOURCES
Brendan Fitzgibbons
"There is No Spoon," - The Matrix
Matthew Hussey on Know Thyself
'Suping' STDs

Transcript

[00:00:00]  
 

Listen, I don't want to bad mouth anybody, but let's do it. 

We all go to Western doctors. They have some value, obviously. But one of the things that I don't like about Western doctors is how quickly they just give you a diagnosis, I was dating a girl and she went to go see her general practitioner. And the doctor was like, so you're 35. Are you thinking about maybe having kids because you are entering into a new territory you're about to have. 

A geriatric pregnancy. Really? Geriatric pregnancy? That's the best you could come up with [00:01:00] for a diagnosis? You went to school for 16 years just so you could tell my girlfriend that she had a golden girl vag? Is that the best you could do? You never do that to guys. You would never say the same shit to guys. 

You would never be like, listen man, you're 40, and we're really concerned about your ability to have kids, because, quite frankly, you have a cryptkeeper cock. Yeah, it's really old, it's dusty, and uh, it belongs underground. Geriatric pregnancy, good god man! 

My buddy one time was experiencing horrific pain. In his general region, and he went to go see, a doctor, his doctor, general practitioner. The doctor rolls in, sticks his head actual patient room, where my buddy is keeled over in pain. The doctor's on the phone, okay, he's talking to someone. He's like, hold on a second, on the phone, he goes, what's up man? 

To my buddy, who's in massive pain. My buddy tells him the symptoms, tells him what's going on. Doctor just nods his head and goes, Syphilis. Did you just sup, [00:02:00] syphilis? Do you just walk up to patients and say names of STDs that they have? Sup, gonorrhea. Yeah, hep C, how are you? Like, how the fuck did you know? 

It turned out he had a kidney infection! But that dude just supped syphilis. All I'm saying is guys, let's take into account people's feelings. Let's take into account people's emotions. Yeah. And maybe you don't call it geriatric pregnancy. It sounds like the baby's going to come out in a wheelchair. 

He just looks like Joe Biden. He's like, . Where am I? But knowing today and how we use language, it's, it's, we're not going to call it geriatric pregnancy anymore. No, we're going to call it. Vagina with a clock problem. What's up everybody to a brand new episode of Spiritual Asshole. I am your host, Brendan Fitzgibbons. 

Thank you so much for being here with me as always. Will it be T Fitzgibbons? Getting older, getting a little grey. I'm handling it okay. I'm handling it okay! He is reminding me of how precious time is. That's the way I'm saying it. But, my god, I want him to live forever. Anybody who has a pet knows that feeling. 

Get a pet, please god. Also, check me out on Instagram, at the underscore Brendan Fitzgibbons on [00:03:00] Instagram. And, YouTube as well, at the Brenna Fitzgibbons, I just posted a really fun video of if Taco Bell was a motivational video. And you have to listen with the sound on, because all the motivational videos on Instagram and social media, they're all the same thing. 

It's all like that building piano music, it's like, and then I made a change where everything got better. I decided that no matter what, I was gonna get up at 5 o'clock in the morning, take cold showers, , Eat nothing but one piece of upside down tree bark, have no friends, have no family, go to bed at 4 o'clock, so I can get up at 2 o'clock. 

I don't see light for 23 hours a day because I actually care about 10x ing my life. Anybody else cool with like a 2. 5x? I'd be really good there. I just 2. 5x'd my life. Okay, today I want to talk to you guys about some very helpful, , things that I've learned this last week. Things I've discovered, things that will help us on this incredible journey that we call life. 

Please keep reaching out to me. Also, I've been getting some great guest recommendations from people. Thank you so much. As always, follow us also on Patreon. Patreon forward slash spiritual asshole. Please also rate this podcast. Say good things, [00:04:00] Why not? It's gonna just feel good. 

Today's guest is me, and I'm really happy to be here. And today, I was like, fuck, what do I have to talk about with these guys? And I go, oh, wait a minute, everything. Every time I ask that question, I'm like, I don't know if I have anything to talk about. Then, like, a flood of ideas come to me. So, one of the things that I want to talk to you about, which I'll start off with, is, I just, my friend recommended, Matthew Hussey gave a recent interview. 

On the Know Thyself podcast, which I've been seeing so many videos for that. And it seems like a good podcast to get great guests. Matthew Hussey is a relationship expert. He's fantastic. I have reached out to him. His people were really nice. It didn't work out like a year and a half ago, but I will follow up. 

Anyway, he said this great thing, which really ties into a lot of what I've been talking about on this podcast, specifically lately. Specifically, the question was, why do I keep attracting people? That are not good for me, okay? this is where the correlation with Joe Dispenza stuff really comes in. 

He goes, If a dolphin, [00:05:00] hypothetically you are the dolphin, learned in an aquarium that the best way to get food was to do a trick, That's what it learned to do. And then you release that dolphin into the wild. And then you saw that dolphin doing tricks in the ocean to get food, okay? 

You wouldn't judge that dolphin. You would just say, Oh, it learned to do that. It actually learned to do that for its own survival. It actually learned to do that to actually thrive. And it's actually the only way that it knows how to do that. So if you're like, what the fuck Brendan, I'm not a dolphin. 

I'll say, yes you are. You guys both like to have sex for pleasure. And you both want nothing to do with SeaWorld. But I'll say this. Actually, we're exactly like that. And what I think he was saying was, If you grew up in a house, Where in order to receive love, you had to backseat your needs, or you had to be a people pleaser, or you had to, be overly masculine to get what you want, or to even be heard, you're going to just continue doing that in your love life. 

[00:06:00] Because you don't know otherwise, and it helped you survive. So this again goes back to the most important breakthrough that I've had in a very long time. which is the idea that everything in our lives is either known or unknown. And we tend to fall back on the known or the subconscious thinking because it's safe for us, even if it hurts us. 

So once again, to repeat, the human brain does not care about your joy, happiness, passion, hope, Anger, sadness, sorrow, depression. It just cares about keeping you safe. So if you experienced any level of trauma or sadness in your household growing up, at a certain degree, but you, you survived, it equates those emotions to With safety so you will recreate that. 

So if you're asking yourself, why do I keep attracting somebody who's not good for me? It's because your energy system your subconscious mind is actually thinks that they're safe You're just the dolphin doing the and yeah, [00:07:00] maybe the person that That you're doing the trick for isn't good for you. 

Maybe he is a vape salesman. It doesn't matter. What matters is that your body and your, your brain is just keeping you safe. So you're like, well, fuck me. I don't want to do this anymore. Why is this? This is kind of depressing. It's not depressing because I think what's really been a powerful shift for me is like, I used to think something was wrong with me. 

Or I used to think I was quote, doing it wrong. When you recognize these patterns, now you have agency. I feel like so many of us are literally hypnotized by these patterns, hypnotized by our current perceptions of the world that we think are 100 percent accurate, not flawed, and just quote the truth, or quote I'm being quote realistic, or this is just quote how it is, which none of those things are true at all. 

That lens could change in two seconds. So instead of being hypnotized by those things and just thinking like this is my reality, this takes you out of the victim [00:08:00] state and first of all allows you to be nicer to yourself, which is the number one important thing, okay? You're being really nice to yourself, goddammit. 

I want you to be super kind to yourself, and I'm talking to myself too, because this is something that I still really want to get better about. Be super kind to yourself and say, I'm doing what I know to be safe and what is known, okay? I have agency. I have the ability now to step into the unknown and take a shot. 

It was really interesting. My friend, my good friend, just threw a huge party. It was amazing. It was a prom themed party. I dressed up in a tux. some people work massages. Everyone was over 32. But! What was interesting was, there was a lot of very attractive people at the party and I was observing me, Brendan, I was observing me, observing the party, and seeing who I felt like was safe to talk to, easy to talk to, and it was all based on preconceived notions. 

Cause there was a lot of supermodel style hot people, like I'm not kidding, like comically hot people. Where if you saw them, you'd be like, they made that guy in a machine. [00:09:00] There's no way, that's a real woman. Is that Siri? From the iPhone? In a human form? Like, that kind of hot, okay? So, I was like, pre judging them, and being like, They're not safe, they're so hot. 

Or that, or, she wouldn't talk to me, she's too hot, or he's a actor who's famous, so I can't talk to him, like, I was, you know, Just feeling myself do this at a party, and everybody is doing this for everything in their lives, is that we're making choices and actions based on what we think is safe and normal for us, okay? 

So I was like forcing myself to go up And talk to some people that I normally wouldn't talk to. I was forcing myself to acknowledge that I was thinking like that and being like, Interesting, and push through, because guess what? The mindfuck of all of it is, they're having the exact same thoughts,  

they have their whole lens for who they think, and there was some, like, A lot of women at this party, I was shocked to find out they didn't even go to prom. Some of these incredibly attractive people. So here I am putting, All of this preconceived notions, a lens on [00:10:00] these people thinking they're too hot or whatever it is. 

And then I get to talking to them and they're like, I actually didn't go to prom because no one asked me, which just shows you that we have got to stay open. And if you're like, this doesn't apply to me because I have a great significant other. I have a great partner. I have a great husband. I have a great wife. 

Okay, well, guess what? Fucking congratulations. But this applies. To everything in your life. So this is an actual little exercise I want us to do together right now. Okay. Cause I don't do this enough on this podcast, but this is going to be helpful. What is one thing in your life right now that you used to think was so scary that you were like, I would never do it. 

And now it is a natural, normal part of your life.  

For me, it's doing stand up comedy. , I used to get really nervous, for sure. And I still sometimes get nervous. I went to a show last night at this gay bar, and the energy of that room, I was like, I don't think I have this energy right now. I didn't perform, but I was like, fuck, I don't wanna go up. 

I would've. But [00:11:00] going up now and performing is now second nature in my mind. For so many people, that idea is crazy. If I was like, just go do stand up, he'd be like, I'd rather die. But I have made it. A big part of my known, but guess what? You do things I guarantee you that I wouldn't do that. I keep from distance for me. 

Cause I'm like, that's not safe. I can't do it. You know, one of the things that I talked to my, my great friend Gonzalo about at this party is he was like, yo, dude, I'm going to this bar class in Pasadena. You got to come. It's 120 degrees. And we just sweat for an hour. We almost die. And I was like, Oh, fuck. 

Three years ago, I'd be like, absolutely not. No. And because of this work, because I am actively training my body, telling myself, To push through all of the initial resistance. Especially as adults. Kids, we weren't like this. We would jump into shit as kids, and then we would figure out, Ooh, I don't like that.[00:12:00]  

They just go. Hey, you want to count to a hundred right now on your head? Yeah, that sounds like a great fucking idea. Hey, like literally, my sister's kid came up to me at my fan reunion. She's like, Brendy, , how many in a row can you get on this tennis racket? Go now. I was like, you're right. 

I should go now. Why? Because it's fun. Yeah. Why? Because you're in a creative state and you don't have a history of literally being traumatized. And it's sad to say it like that, but we've got to start seeing that the other side of the unknown is endless growth, is all of your happiness. 

So I'm gonna go do this bar class, and I will report back to you, I might vomit and film it. Who knows what's gonna happen. And it doesn't have to be for everything in your life. just know that there used to be things that you do all the time now that you'd be like, Oh my god, I can't believe I do that. 

Because you've shown yourself, and that's all you have to do to change. Show yourself that you can do these things. You can start something new. You can put yourself in uncomfortable situations. You can go up to talk to that guy or that girl. [00:13:00] You can start that foundation, start that business, start that podcast. 

You can. And one of the things this ties in perfectly, what I want to say next that has helped me out so much with this. Cause I've been doing some kind of scarier things, putting myself out there a little bit more every day. And it always is good. Even if I don't get the answer I want, but surprisingly, mostly I have been getting amazing answers. 

Is I think of the hit movie, the matrix, which I know is like a cliche thing to talk about, about how like, everyone's like, no dude, you're a blue pill. I guess it's something that the right uses now. Really funny onion headline from recently after Elon took over new Twitter CEO asked to watch the matrix as part of onboarding process. 

It's been co opted by a lot of people. Someone, I was at a party talking about how great it was. Someone was saying it's a trans allegory. I think it's a psychedelic allegory. I think at the very least it's absolutely an allegory for personal enlightenment and Waking up and realizing how powerful you are. 

Period. And [00:14:00] it, it's so profound. Cause I've now watched it four times. But anyways. I talked about this last week. But I'll talk about it again. One of my favorite things that happened in the movie. 

Which I keep telling myself. Over and over again is. Neil goes to see. the Oracle, and in the lobby of the Oracle's house, in the family room are like three or four gifted kids doing gifted kid shit. One is like levitating blocks with their mind, and another one is bending a spoon with their mind, okay? 

So this bald ass kid looks at Neo and just goes, as she bends the spoon with her mind, , the trick is not to bend the spoon with the mind, but think, there is no spoon. And Neo just goes, By the way, Keanu Reeves has eight words in that movie. I go back to Reeves for Between Two Friends. 

He goes, um, on a scale of one to ten, how many words do you know? Is it four? Is it five? Is it six? But there is no spoon. And then as the movie goes on and Neil has to face his [00:15:00] fears, he keeps saying there is no spoon. So I'll take an example. Like I had to send my script that I'm really proud of to someone who I care about their opinion on it. 

It matters what they think about it. Okay. And I was nervous and I was asking myself, okay, you're nervous right now. Why? And I'm like, well, it's fear. But then I would be like, okay, but there is no spoon. Meaning, that fear does not exist. It is not real. That fear, I am placing it there. That fear is not coming from anywhere else. 

And it's the same thing when you go to do something unknown. Like, why don't I want to do the bar class? Yes, it sounds like fucking hell, and how we used to torture people in Guantanamo Bay. it's fear. Like, I've never done that before. Oh no, what if I throw up? What if I piss myself? 

All these things are funny. break it down into anything, but ultimately there is no spoon. And on the other side of that, when you get to that place, you'll see, it's like we all don't do these things because we feel like, well, if I cross this Rubicon, if I jump into this unknown, there's going to [00:16:00] be like a wall of resistance that I will hit. 

I will hit like people making fun of me or I'll be ostracized or whatever the fuck it is. And then, but when you get to the other side of it, you realize there's nothing there. Just growth. That's all that's there. It's just growth, just you showing yourself how amazing you are. These don't have to be big things, y'all. 

I'm not telling people to go fly a helicopter. I'm saying literally like, Hey, I take the same route every single day to work, and I'm on time at the exact same time every single day. What if I did a different route? What if instead of immediately going home after work today to watch Two and a Half Men, I'm going to go to a pottery class? 

I might be lonely. I might feel weird. But I'm going to do it, because why not? This is not, doesn't have to be these like huge, life altering things where you're now Neo. Immediately. But I want you to start doing this because you're going to start to [00:17:00] see that A, there's no fear and B, you get momentum so you can see how powerful you are. 

It's really exciting. Okay, the last incredible thing I want to say to you and thank you so much for being here I think you're amazing. Side note. Is, I had this thought today because it's political season It's going to start getting heated up. I had a conversation last night with my friend who was trolling people on Facebook, just saying, after all their comments, that's dumb, which is funny. 

Here's a question I want you to ask yourself, as we enter into this new era, and just in general, especially as we get older, and this ties into what we just talked about. Am I a box, or am I a wave? These are not the only two choices, but we have binary brains. Let's use them as two extremes. Am I a box? Am I the kind of person that, when something happens to me, I immediately have to put it in a box so I can understand it and I have to keep it in a container so that I don't get affected by it? 

When I meet someone and they have an opinion I don't like, do I have to immediately put them in a box [00:18:00] so I can categorize that? When I get bad news, do I put that into a box and say, Hey, Okay, this is bad news. This reminds me of all this other bad news that's happened to me in the past. Here's my bad news boxes. 

When I go out to a party, or I meet somebody, do I, and I say to myself, and I have one sentence this person I go, Well, I don't hang out with people like that. Or,. I got invited to go to a hiking meetup. You're like, well, I don't do that because , I don't do that hiking box that I really, really am proud of. 

Do I put my own what's possible for me in a box? When I meet someone and they tell me how much their rent is, my first reaction to say that's expensive because I have a, this is what I think is expensive box. And this might sound dramatic, but it's, shorthand for how we can exist in this world so we can feel safety, right? 

But let me offer this other and alternative next time that you're faced with a situation where you want to put something in a box Ask this, yourself, this question. Am I a box, or am I a wave? A wave lets [00:19:00] things come and lets things go, because they know that's the natural flow of the universe. That sometimes you'll get hit with a wave, but then immediately it will just go right back out. 

And then sometimes there'll be big waves, and sometimes there'll be small waves, and sometimes there'll be no waves, and you could just breathe. And sometimes when you meet somebody and you don't really like what you're seeing. What they're saying you could just let those words wash right over you and let the wave just pass right through you You can let the wave of bad news overcome you And put up a box, or you could just say, I'm riding this out, and I know when I see the ocean, it comes and goes, and it's perfect. 

And there's no resistant force. Have you ever tried to push over a box? Super fucking easy. Have you ever tried to kick a box? It's actually so easy, and It's actually so easy, it's fun. Have you ever tried to kick a wave? Have you ever tried to push a wave? 

Have you ever tried to kick a wave? It's very hard. Because you're so [00:20:00] fluid, you're so with the flow, that even for the minute that you want to judge someone or something and put up your boxes, you don't let it happen, because you just let the wave of good and you let the wave of the flow carry you back and forth. 

And know that you are much more like the wave. , the human body is made up to 50 to 75 percent of water. So think about how much you are water, how much you are wave. It's not 50 75 percent of Staples boxes. It's not 50 75 percent of a shitty Ikea box. It's the wave. And the more that we just realize that's all this is, and that's all we will be, and that's all we'll be going to, everything can just come and go. 

Or we can say like, I don't need to put this in a box. I don't need to know why. I don't need justification. I don't need an answer. I know that I'm connected to something higher than me that's making me be the wave right now. [00:21:00] I know that, I'm as deep as the ocean. That you might just see the waves up top, but, like, below, it goes on forever. 

That's how deep and important I am. And I don't need to tell people this, but I will tell you this. Next time people are gossiping, the next time people want to talk shit, the next time people want to limit you or you want to limit yourself, Are you a box or are you a wave? I think you're a wave. I think you're one of the best waves that's ever happened to all the waves. 

So I hope you have the best week. Thank you so much for listening. We'll have a great cast next week coming on. I'm very excited to talk to her. I'm also gonna be talking to somebody from the Quantum Clinic, which is so exciting. I believe all your dreams can come true. I believe there's so much love here for you. 

I believe you're the greatest wave of all time. Have an incredible week. [00:22:00]