"Stop Getting Parking Tickets & Start Meeting God" (w/Allura Halliwell)

Did you know your nervous system can be a real a con artist? It will lie to you, gaslight you, and tell you that breaking up with your toxic ex will kill you. Brendan talks with author, mentor, and consciousness expert Allura Halliwell, who—after a radical awakening on the beach—literally left her body, saw the void, and came back with a new name, new life, and no idea what food is. 

🌊 How Allura went from an accountant name to alien consciousness in one morning on the Sunshine Coast
🧠 Why your pain is actually a PORTAL to freedom (and not just an excuse to eat a sleeve of Oreos)
🚗 How losing her driver’s license became a spiritual gift
💥 Why most people are addicted to their own limitations—and how to stretch your nervous system past them
🐻 And whether cold plunges really work… if polar bears still murder people

RESOURCES
Allura Halliwell’s Website
The Consciousness Method Podcast
What the Void Actually Looks Like

Transcript

Alright everybody. Welcome to a brand new episode of Spiritual Asshole. I'm so excited to be joined by Allura Holwell. She's the founder of the Consciousness Method Mentor. She's writing a book and the host of the Consciousness Method Podcast.

Aor, how you doing? I'm so good, Brendan, so excited to be here with you. So do you think with the name like Allura Holwell, there was no way you were ever going to be an accountant? Funny story, that's not my birth name. Oh, okay. So unless you're already in on my, on my secret. Oh, I just busted. You just got busted.

I totally busted. I'm totally keen to like, like share that though, because. I was born under another name and that, that name is Alana Halterman. So that was my birth name. Okay. Alana Halterman sounds like an accountant. Okay. That was my accountant name, and then I had a seriously radical awakening, and then I literally got told.

Change your name. Change your name. I was like, okay, let's [00:05:00] change it. And then I'm like, what do you wanna change it to? And they're like, all Lura. I'm like, no, that sounds like a porn star. I'm not interested. They're like, Nope, it has to be all Lura. I'm like, are you sure? And they're like, yeah, we are definitely sure.

That is how it's gonna roll. And hall well is actually my mother line, so that's my mother's. Name. So her surname. So that's like, that was like, yeah, we have to go through your mother line, not your ex-husband's line. And then we have to have a name that really is like gonna reflect the frequency that you are now in after you had this awakening.

So that came after that experience that you were told to do that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I just feel like somebody with the name of Laura Holwell can't really ever be a plumber. No, I tried, but I was like, this isn't, yeah, no, it's not gonna work for me. Definitely not gonna work. I, I can't wait to get into.

Yeah. So I was researching you. I can't wait to get in. Let's, I guess let's just talk about, let's talk about the experience you had. You had an experience where your [00:06:00] consciousness left your body. Was this the first time that you saw the Jonas Brothers live in concert? It's ama. They're amazing. I wish they were there.

They probably were on the field somewhere. Like, yeah, just watching, playing for me. Just bring it, go for it. Yeah. So what's the question? They, they were there. The question is, can we just back up to that morning, that event? So at the time you were not really into spirituality or self-help. Oh my God.

This is crazy. Yeah. Can you talk about this? Yeah. 'cause I was in survival mode. Like I'm a mom, I've got three little kids. I was married, I was just doing my thing, trying to think about holidays, trying to think about meal prep, thinking about appointments, thinking about school runs. I was literally trying to survive, like I didn't really have time to read, let alone meditate or, you know, kind of connect to myself.

And at that point I was like, why? Because I've just gotta get through the day. So friends invited me to a meditation retreat. And I was like, oh my [00:07:00] God, holiday time. That sounds amazing. So I was like, pack my bags, head it off. And got there and actually just stepped into the space. I was like, oh, I can feel something.

There's a, there's a different energy here. And went through the meditations, like it was a five day retreat. I think it was day day four, where we were all going down to the beach in the Sunshine Coast, Australia. I'm gonna meditate on the beach, and my feet literally touched the sand. It was like 7:00 AM completely sober, nothing going on.

And I was like, whoa, something's, something's happening to me. And that was the moment where I was like drawn to the ground and I could feel. That my consciousness was like, and it was like a weird energy, right? It was like a weird kind of sensation. 'cause it was very, very involuntary. Involuntary. It wasn't like I was trying to do anything, but my consciousness started to kind of get momentum and move up [00:08:00] my body.

And then I actually felt my full consciousness move outta my head. Wow. Out of my body. And I was like, I could see myself lying on the ground. I was like, oh my God, that's my body. Where am I going? Yeah, no. So. Well, I was just telling you this, like I had a very similar experience but on drugs and and normal way, normal way.

Once it happens to you, everything changes. So you came out, you basically were a new person. Yeah, basically I came outta my body. I went into the light, like a near death experience. I merged with the void. I kind of lost consciousness a bit there because I was in the awe. And when you're in the awe of everything, you can't actually really see or know yourself because.

You're totally emerged in the essence of the whole of the creation. So everything is there and you become nothing because you're everything. And then in that moment, [00:09:00] I think, or I think I had a complete reboot of my system. So when I came back down into my body, I opened my eyes. I could see energy. So everything was like little tiny pearls of energy.

Nothing was fixed. Everything was fluid. I began to see through kind of reality, I suppose like the design of everything. But I looked in the mirror and I was like, I don't know who the fuck you are. No, you And I was like, I don't even know what we're doing here or why we're even here. 'cause out there was like really amazing.

Like to be out of the body was incredible. To be back stuffed into a body. Felt so constricting, so overwhelming, so like disorientating. And it took me a couple of years in all honesty to like reorientate myself because my preferences changed, my personality changed, my whole energy changed my whole life.

Imploded. Did you buy a bongo later? Immediately. [00:10:00] No, I didn't really even wanna bongo. I was like, I don't want anything. I just wanna be back in the all with God in source, like in consciousness. Like I was like, I don't even wanna be here. This place sucks. That's what I thought. God, that's so real and awesome that you said that.

So this is really great. So how did you, because that's a really good point, like, and I've had thoughts like that too. Once you peak, so you got a peak behind the veil. And I've been talking about this a lot, and once you see that it's kind of hard to be like, oh, now I have to care about a fucking parking ticket.

This sucks. So how did, how did you navigate that coming back? Yeah, that was huge. Like looking at the levels of bullshit density, like challenge that we live in as humans and going, oh my God, we're actually fullblown divine beings. Connected to this infinite energy. Infinite consciousness. How do I actually orientate myself into that?

And funny [00:11:00] question, I found it really hard to live for a while. So I got 10 parking tickets. No, actually they was driving tickets. They were, they were being on my phone, in my car tickets. I probably shouldn't say this out loud, and I lost my license. Oh, that's great. I was, okay, fine. I'm not supposed to drive.

I'm surrendered because I, I, I actually probably can't drive anyway. Good. 'cause I feel like driving, so driving through the universe and so I was like, the tickets and then, you know, like you can't, you have to reorientate, you have to work out where you are in space and time. So it took me a while to like come back into my body and there was a lot of chaos around that to create a new version of me.

But it was actually like the becoming of me because in every kind of step I was working out how reality is structured. I was working out how my personality was like interfacing with the rest of my life. I was working out how I needed to actually, I don't like using the word heal 'cause I think it really has bad [00:12:00] connotations.

It kind of sucks, like people will get confused about what that is. But I was actually looking to reorientate my whole being. So I could live a human experience that felt fulfilling, loving, safe, and like somewhere I wanted to be. Like, I was like, I need to make this place heaven on earth. If I'm stuck here, I don't wanna, I don't wanna live.

Like I'm in a full like fracture where I want to get out. I wanna live like this is a really cool place to be. And that's what I went on to like work through, to kind of come into here and to realize that actually this is an amazing place to be like, right. Right. So, man, this is awesome. So I think one of the hardest things in bridging that gap between experiencing these amazing things, whether you're doing psychedelics meditation, when you have these breakthroughs and you come back, is how much of the old identity are you holding onto?

How much of the old patterns are you holding onto? Did you find [00:13:00] yourself then like just consistently letting go? Or what did you actually do? That was like the real work that was like the sharpening of the knife because I was holding myself so in account so intensely to my values that I developed when I was outta my body, which is like I need to actually purify this vessel.

Like my being to be in alignment with my truth. So it was like, where is all my bullshit? Where am I running programs of illusion? Where am I misinterpreting? Where am I creating chaos? Where am I creating separation? I had to get really honest with that and come up close and personal to my identity that was coded in my nervous system that was running the show, that was reactive, that was in these illusions about what this was, and I had to pick all of those out.

And be like, what is the truth beneath this? And that's like a lot of where I was like, this is really tough work because you have to look at how [00:14:00] you're actually showing up in reality, not this impression of you being some version of yourself. Like how are you really, where is your integrity? Where are your values?

What are you consuming? What are you doing in your like spare time? Where, where are your thoughts going? And that was like, it was almost like I couldn't escape. This ongoing kind of reflection. 'cause I was like, I, I can't sit knowing this angelic connected whole space, loving space. I can't sit in being not in alignment with that.

So there was like a lot of like reflection, a lot of like. Grieving, like a lot of like emotional release to try and process all that. Like that was just like the beginning point. This was like the rest of it was the real journey, to be honest. So then you just decided just to give up your kids.

They probably felt that. They were like, oh my God, where's mom? Mom was like one version and she came back like [00:15:00] an alien and she just wanted to meditate six hours a day and I literally couldn't cook anymore. I didn't know how to cook. So I was like, Hey guys, what do you want for dinner? And I'd like put things in the oven from the freezer because I didn't know how to cook.

'cause my personality had completely like shifted in my memory of the human things I knew how to do wasn't there. So the poor things, they were like, oh my god, mom's burnt the dinner again. Like where is the mom that used to cook gourmet organic meals? Can we have her back please? So that was a journey, right?

Like I, I, my kids and I are like totally so tight because we've had to go through that and part of the reorientation was like, I have to make sure you guys are okay. 'cause there was a level of abandonment in that, right? Like, I left the version of me exited the building and we went through a couple of years of reorientation.

And then the last like five years I've been holding them and loving them through that experience. 'cause that's like one of the core fractures that can [00:16:00] create havoc in a kid's life, right? If it's not fully processed. So I just sit with them in that pain. And I, that was part of the reorientation, right?

Like you can't leave collateral damage. You know, you can't just like have these awakenings and then not like create the ripple effect of what you come into to understand and know, like it has to be loving everywhere. It's even loving with my ex-husband. Wow. Like, you know, like, he's like moved on. He's got a beautiful new partner.

He made all his money after we broke up. It was like, he's just, and I've been loving and supporting him to go forward because it was like post-traumatic stress disorder. Like your wife gets on, you know, a plane, goes to a retreat, comes back like an alien. And you're like, what the fuck? And the whole thing implodes.

So it was like loving and supporting him through it as well as myself to like understand that we weren't evolving on the same trajectory anymore. I was like on a rocket and he was still on the, you know, on the sidewalk. Yeah. [00:17:00] Like, yeah. Yeah. I choose to see this all as very positive. I mean, 30 years ago, some dads would leave to go get cigarettes and never come back.

You know, look at us. Yeah. Look at how far we've come. Look at this conversation. We're growing, man. I think that we're, we're in a really good place, but I think what you said is often overlooked. And I had a conversation with my friend who's a psychedelic therapist recently. About this, that these awakenings actually aren't necessarily guaranteed to be good for you as a human in this world as a productive person.

'cause like a lot of times you're like, wait, why are we paying rent? We don't need to do this. I just talked to God. God. God's like, you're good. I'm like, oh, I'm good. I don't have to pay rent, but I wanna talk about specific things you did. And this will start looping back in and I hope everybody who's listening, it's not, this is not just about like psychedelics, like we're all dealing with this separation thing.

We're all dealing with, you know, our [00:18:00] nervous systems going fucking haywire, throwing us in survival. It's like one of my favorite topics of discussion, which is why I love having you on. So like what did you actually do? You talked about plucking. What was the plucking. It was, it was like pulling out the, the, the strands of kind of the dysfunction, the instability, the lack of trust in myself, in reality, and it was actually beginning to process that internally.

And that's where I really found some of the core aspects of our humanity, one of which is what I call the pain portal. So we're all literally walking around with stored deposits of pain in our cellular body, in our nervous system. Like if I say to you like feel into the space where you have deep abandonment.

Like you can, like if you dropped in, you could feel in your body where you have like some kind of pang, like there's a pang in every human's body, or where you feel deeply unworthy [00:19:00] or where you feel like you are just not ever really, truly understood. Or some of those deep, like visceral, kind of core human woundings, you can feel that in your body, right?

So that pain, that's like lodged in your body. From those repeated experiences that kind of compound on each other, where we keep witnessing reality, as you know, not loving us, you know, not honoring us, not hearing us, not seeing us. That all gets stored in the body and then we have our nervous system going, fuck, I need to survive this pain that's in my body.

What do I need to do to kind of make it okay for me out there whilst the internal body is like actually like. It's trapped in this space. So I began to work really consciously with my pain, not as suffering, not as looping, but actually what happens if you flip? The the script and you go through your [00:20:00] portal of pain in your body as an awakener.

Like as a liberator. Mm. So you open up the space that has the density in your body and you actually get really safe to feel the sensation. 'cause the only thing every human fears is their own pain. Yeah. Every human fear is their own pain. You think about the thing that you fear most in your life. You just don't wanna experience the pain attached to that.

Hmm. So if we flip that and we actually get safe to feel our pain, it's like, oh my goodness. We're so liberated from that fear, and then we're not boxing ourselves into these really set ways of being Right. That portal for me was massive. , You would sit with that pain and allow it to process? Yeah, I would be very like, it wouldn't even be just sitting with, 'cause that was a little bit passive, it would literally be excavating and going through the sensation and like opening it up.

So I would apply more and more [00:21:00] consciousness to that pain. So it actually gets bigger because what happens when we store pain in our body, it gets like trapped and suppressed. Our consciousness gets trapped in that. So we literally need to apply more consciousness and more attention to expand that pain through our bodies to till it gets to a threshold where it feels safe to release.

Okay? So we're not just like passively going, oh, I'm just gonna sit with my pain. You're actively diving into the place you least want to go. Okay. And when you do that, it's like you're unlocking levels of reality. And when I work with people in this, they're like, please, I need to find more pain. Because every time I find my pain, every time I travel through that portal, something liberates in my consciousness and in my body.

And then I flip into a new level of reality. Mm. Because reality is designed in reflection to us as portals. Of course. Yes. I totally believe that. So let's do like a practical example. Let's say, let's throw out a couple things. [00:22:00] Someone's in a really toxic relationship again. Okay. Or someone's struggling financially.

Again, what you would have them say, like trace the feeling of what does that feel like? Yeah. So in your body, say, let's do the one where like, you're in a toxic relationship. Great. See, there's gonna be not me. I'm so happy. No, you are. You're obviously in a really good, good, high quality relationship. I can see that about you.

Thank you. Okay, good. I'm not, I'm not in a relationship, but I, I know, you know what? I could tell God how, why, how can you tell? I don't know. It's just a vibe. Fuck. That's not the vibe I want to put out. I have, I put on a nice shirt today. I am trying to put out a cool vibe. All right, we'll revisit this later.

Okay. So for example if you are, if you are running the program of fear around a connected, loving relationship, so you are continuing to experience. A [00:23:00] toxic relationship because that's the program that actually connects mostly into that pain. Instead of continuing to do that physically in the reality, what I would say is we need to flip and we need to find beneath the fear of losing that toxic relationship, you are gonna find a deep level of internal stored pain, which is most likely gonna have a fractal connection all the way back to when you first.

Stop trusting in love when you first stopped trusting that you were cared for, that you were respected, that you were honored, that you were deeply loved for who you are. That pain is a portal all the way back to that very, very core fracture I call it. And that core fracture happens in our physical lifetime.

But for me, what I understand is that core fracture initiates when we split from source consciousness to come into a body. Yeah. So the first abandonment is from source. The first sense of being unworthy or defective is when we come out of being a [00:24:00] divine being into a human body. The first space of actually not knowing who we are comes when we come from source into like this confusion of what are we doing here?

That's the beginning fracture, and then we accumulate fractures in our physical body from our human experience, and then we begin to develop these templates that we're. Defective, unlovable, unworthy, not understood in some way, and we gather the evidence, but we're also participating in that timeline. Yeah.

And so we, yeah. No, no. Go ahead. Go ahead. There you go. I said, and not only are we participating it, we think it's the only reality, and that is the number one Talk about a brainwashing. Yeah. The number one brainwashing that human beings are experiencing, thinking that your current reality is the reality, and when you do stuff like what you work with you or you, whatever you want to do to journey into this.

This world to unveil things, [00:25:00] you start to see everything around you changes, which means there was never a reality in the first place. A hundred percent, which is crazy. There's multiple infinite potential realities. Yeah. But we get stuck in the one that I've seen aligns to our pain and our nervous system that protects our pain.

So when you process your pain, you're releasing the consciousness that got stored in that pain. That was like, I'm not a lovable kid. That then means I'm gonna be accepting toxic relationships. Mm. And when you actually decode that pain and go, actually, that pain connects you to the source of you. So there's a full reuniting experience that happens when your pain becomes a connector.

You actually connect to more versions of you, more parts of you, the source of you. Because if you think about it, like we split from source to come into this physical reality and experience that pain. Yeah. If we. Reverse engineer and we come back through that pain [00:26:00] into source, that we do it while we're in a physical body.

This becomes source internally. Then we are projecting a reality of source all around us, like a connected reality. A whole reality. A potential based reality. Mm-hmm. So it's like an energetic movement. It's a deeper movement than like just your thoughts or just your nervous system. It's like Yeah. A deep movement back home within, because that's why we're here to have heaven on earth.

Right? Right. Like that's what we're here to experience. Yeah. And hopefully this is how you stopped getting parking tickets. Yeah, I don't get them anymore. See, this is how this guys, this work works. That's all we need to know. Alright, so when you go back and do this, when you do this method, by the way, is this the consciousness method that you talk about?

Yeah, it's the connection to the consciousness. I couldn't think of a better name. I was like, this is consciousness. Oh yeah. So this is the aspect. There's like, yeah, there's multiple steps, but this is one of the processes that we, [00:27:00] we work with. Yeah. So when you go back and do this, do you feel like you have to revisit that pain often?

How long does it take? Like what's the vibes? Yeah, because it's like we don't wanna be like continually retraumatizing, so when you actually, yeah. Touch the truth of the pain portal, you actually unleash the stored consciousness that scored it, stored in the density of your pain. So your whole perception of what that pain was gets completely revisioned.

Like you, you get to see it from another, A vision. Yeah. Another vantage point, right? So then that means that you are no longer needing to like in, in, in the present. Keep projecting that and keep creating the circumstances that actually just give you access to your pain. It's the reason why we stay stuck in these loops, not because we like want to like, you know, make our lives hard.

It's because these loops keep activating the pain. So if you can [00:28:00] actually take the pain and work with it to come back here and, and expand that consciousness, you don't need to keep projecting the same reality where you have to loop on the same stuff all the time and then your consciousness shifts and then you're like, oh, there's actually another way.

I don't have to stay stuck with this person that actually doesn't have, you know, my interests at heart because I have my interests at heart. And then we begin to like move realities. And it's a liberation, right? Oh yeah. Because we're here to be liberated and free, not stuck in this stuck. I, I still kind of want to go back to being an alien, but Yeah.

So what do you think? What do you Yeah, I mean it's, it's super fun. What do you think is tripping people up the most? Is not realizing it's a nervous system issue, or what do you think? I think the understanding of us as humans and understanding how we've actually created the reality around us. Is missing.

Like we don't really get that point. Like we look like we learn how to kind of heal and everyone's [00:29:00] like looking how to heal themselves. And then we're kind of like, oh, your thoughts create your reality and like, change your nervous system. Like, like really? Like make that nervous system like come under control like an animal.

And I'm like, no, let's not do that. Let's actually just crack your nervous system wide open to stretch beyond the limitations of who you think you are. I don't wanna be like placating the nervous system and going, look, you just stay in a box and soothe and be regulated. That's just like a bypass for me.

That's like, why would you wanna regulate something that's totally dysregulated and not safe? Why don't we stretch it? Why don't we stretch that thing and find safety? In the, at the threshold of where you think reality is unsafe. So if you go beyond the point of your nervous system where your nervous system's telling you a lie, that you can only stay trapped in this limited box, what if we go beyond that?

What happens on the other side of breaking [00:30:00] down that nerve, that breaking open, that nervous system, stretching it beyond what you think is is possible. And that nervous system stretch is massive to realign reality as well. A hundred percent. And I, I love that. Is that stretching? Is that the going in, like you mentioned, is it taking risks?

Is it, that's like identifying where in your reality you hit your threshold and going into the place where you think you'll, you'll be unsafe. So like say for example, you're in that toxic relationship. It's like, what do I do it? Like what happens on the other side of me standing up and saying, enough, yeah, I don't want, I don't want you to go there anymore.

I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm done. Because there'll be fear there that you won't be loved if you stand up for yourself, but that's the illusion that keeps you in that unloved wounding. So it's like, no, where is the strength to like expand the nervous system and go, this is not okay for me anymore.

Mm. So often what I get [00:31:00] people to do is identifying their reality where they're looping on a very small spectrum of existence, and I get people to do the opposite of what they would do. I was like the, I was working with a beautiful woman the other day and she's like. I've got to my third date. I just feel like physically like this guy is not attractive enough.

He treats me like a queen. He buys me flowers. He honors every like, everything I do. He's being attentive. He's answered every message. He seems totally loyal. Great job. Feels amazing. I've got the ick. And I was like, you are going on that date, and you are gonna stretch your nervous system beyond this illusion of attractiveness.

That's keeping you trapped in your unloved wound. Ah. So I have to stop you there because I think what people don't realize, and I have to credit Joe Dispenza so much for this, that your mind and your nervous system will send you unlimited lies [00:32:00] disguised as what you think is truth, to not get you to step past that unknown place.

So a hundred percent. Unless this guy was a hardcore a go, in which case I support her. They're pretty much like gonna get married. Really? She's like, like, oh my God, I cannot believe that I had that resistance because she was running a program. Yes. Fear, right? There was nothing in her reality that was saying that was her nervous system going, don't go there because you are just about to get deeply committed into this relationship.

And you're gonna probably end up falling in love with this guy. So your, your, your patterning was going, no, I don't wanna do that. Yeah. I wanna stay away from that. So it's like stretching through that threshold. This is like, man, this is everything though. And I hope people realize that like, it's like the boxes that we just put ourselves in.

Yeah. And that's the thing. And like all respect to Joe, love [00:33:00] his work. Uhoh, here we go.

Drop it. Drop it. You already said that. I look single, but he's like, he's, he's like, he's like, let's elevate, let's go beyond, let's like create the, the, the vision that's the positive and like step into your future in that. And I'm like, no, I call BS on that. Let's go the other way. Let's go in and release where you're actually trapped into that reality.

Because I've seen people, I've worked with people, they've done Joe's work. They've held the positive vision, they've like wanted to step in, but there's something like an elastic band that keeps pulling them back into their predictable reality, no matter how hard they try to vision that new reality.

Because actually visioning the reality and working innately with the nervous system, the physicality, and going into the truth of what exists. Like if you are sitting there in huge, tremendous amounts of pain and you're like, I just need to vision my reality and I'm gonna step into that. You [00:34:00] can only like do that for so long until the body goes, hold on a minute, I'm actually holding something that needs full conscious awareness that you do not need to fear.

And once you see that, you liberate yourself automatically instead of being like, I want to project into something positive. And I'm not saying all of Joe's works about that, but that part, I'm like, 'cause I went and I tried that, right? I got back in my body. I was like. Let me just try to vision my positive reality and like step into my future.

And I'm like, I can't do that. My nervous system is on fire. Yeah. I'm like, there's something not right here. And I felt like I was doing the work wrong. I wasn't committed enough. And I was like, actually, no, I'm looking in the wrong place. I need to look over here. And when I looked there I was like, oh my God, this is the key to liberation that's in my body.

So you were able to do that all by yourself. You didn't have a coach, you didn't have the guy giving you another traffic ticket. You did this all yourself. I [00:35:00] tried. I tried to find someone to help me. I was like, I'm like off my head because someone please help me. And I had a massive Kundalini awakening.

So I'm vibrating constantly. Yeah. And my ex, like, I couldn't physically ground myself. I'm like, people are like, go stand on grass, like eat curry, like. Go and like, you know, sit in the sun and you'll be okay. I'm like, I am not okay. There's something not okay here. So it was like, it was me and consciousness going, you know what, we've gotta work this out, otherwise I'm not gonna make it back.

I'll end up in a psych ward. 'cause it's too intense. Right? So I didn't, 'cause I made it back and I worked it out, but it was like nothing was able to really anchor me into. Coming home, and that's this intersection point for me. It's like, where as a human do we interface with reality and what are the mechanisms that hold us stuck in, in separation, in wounding and in like a state [00:36:00] of disconnection?

What, what are they, what are those things and where do we go to go through them? It's not internal or external. It's the middle ground. Okay, so this is a question I have to ask then because I guess my only, it's not a concern, it's just something I wanna ask you is like, I totally believe what you're saying.

I think, I'm sure it works, but then there's that part of me that's like, I've done a lot of that and I'm concerned that if I contin, if things in my life don't continue to align the way I want to, I'll just keep always trying to go back. To change things and maybe there's a time to just go forward too.

So what's the difference? So now is the only place you can ever be. Yeah. So the portal is now, right? Like so it's not about going back. You automatically go back 'cause it's all interconnected. You go back and forward at the same time. Okay. So I'm speaking to going back, but you're actually, you're in the [00:37:00] all of everything.

You're going in and through. Here so you don't actually have to go and as I said, re-traumatize and bring up all that trauma. 'cause the pain you are holding right now is exactly the same pain as when you were two. 7, 14, 21. However old you are now, you know, like going through 22. Yeah, 22 going through that pain.

It's, it's, it's, it's actually processing right here, right now. And that's the multi-dimensional aspect of this. You are not having to go back and revisit that trauma 'cause you don't need to. The pain is here as a portal right now. It will connect all that together, but if you process it now. As, as opposed to like, you don't need to go back to every trauma along the way.

It's actually the pain holds all the trauma in one go, so, okay, but do you feel like when you go back, you see certain memories that cause the pain? Does that happen? Yeah. But you see that as part [00:38:00] of the supporting. Okay. The pain is real. The story you tell around the pain is the illusion. Yeah. I ran the story my whole life that my, my dad didn't love me.

He was like a very high functioning gp, highly depressive, undiagnosed. What's gp? A general practitioner, a doctor, and a. Yeah, so very high functioning, very like, you know, provided everything, but because he didn't give me emotional attention when I was a child, I just went default. He does not love me. So when I would sit in the unloved wound as an adult and go, I'm not loved, that organically is all connected, and you can see all those versions of you through space and time that are in that illusion.

But when you transform the pain, now you realize, actually I'm deeply loved. I went back and looked at that from another vision. I was like, oh my God, my dad loved me more than anything. Mm. He just could not emotionally connect with me. But the love was like there in that, [00:39:00] and it was the interpretation from my wounding that made me separate from that.

But then that that changes everything now because, oh my God, if my dad loved me and I just couldn't feel it, can this person love me? Can that person love me? Can I love myself even if I can't? Yeah. You know, I can't necessarily see the angle of that immediately. Can I find that angle that brings that?

Yeah. It's like there's a million versions of you standing on a timeline and they all get switched. Yeah. And like if you ripple it all the way back, it just comes crashing through to now. It's right now. Yeah. It's So now, okay, so how long do you think it took you after this awakening? I know, I don't wanna put time on it, but like.

That you started experiencing and what changed personally in your life? Like how long until I started to feel human again? Yeah. Or just like, I guess integrated where you're like, okay. Yeah. Integrated. Realistically, I [00:40:00] think it probably took me three years. Yeah. But I, I found out yesterday that with kind of a near death experience, which I'm kind of on the fence about what I, what happened to me, but I heard someone say it's like seven years, so it'll be seven years in October.

And I feel like I'm pretty integrated now. After about three years, I started like everything that I was seeing and learning, I started to like invite others to be involved and like check whether what I was experiencing worked for other people. So it's like being about four years or I've been working with others through these processes and that's why I've got the Consciousness Method podcast because people can like hear all this, but it's like, well how does that actually work in reality?

Yeah. So like it's basically just interviews with the people that have done this work that have had. Life changing shifts because they've changed their vision of what our human experience is. So, you know, and like that's just, it's not like to convince anyone or tell anyone, you know, [00:41:00] like this is the way.

'cause it's not like there's so many ways and pathways to you creating the experience you wanna have. This is just one download that's like, gotta be here for humanity. 'cause I don't even know why I would go through that. It wasn't like, oh, I'm gonna become a coach and I'm gonna be a, you know, yeah. I'm gonna like go out and help people.

It's like I don't have a choice. It's like pumping through me. It's like you just have to have this message here for whoever feels resonant. Like it's not like a, you know, I love it. There's no convincing in that. No, I think it's, I think that makes sense of sense. So you said there are three core wounds of humanity.

People feeling unloved. Unworthy and unknown. And then the Catholic Church said, you're welcome.

When I literally, when I literally saw you say that, or I read that somewhere, I was like, I didn't, I didn't even like, I was like, oh, Catholicism, this is what they teach. I, I ironically, immediately thought that very, I was like, oh, wow. Did she [00:42:00] pull this from the Catholic church book? Oh, that's very cool. But so you think that I, I do think that core wound of feeling unworthy seems to be, most of us feel that way.

Yeah. So why not? Why does it happen? Why do we feel that way? I think it's kind of, but is this the path you think to addressing that, doing this kind of work? I just think the realization that like a, a lot of people that, you know, I meet and most of humanity go, there's something inherently defective or wrong with me.

Like, yes, yeah, I, I understand that I should be worthy, but I don't feel that in my reality or understand that should be loved. Like I self love, but I don't feel it and I understand I should be. Kind of understood and safe, but I don't really feel that either. So the kind of, it's not so much about the wounding so much as the understanding that these wounds are actually just core [00:43:00] separation patterns that take us out of ourselves into the physical reality, and they're just actually imprints that humanity is kind of being slurped into that creates a structure around our human experience.

And that's what they are. And they're energetic patterns of self separation. Yeah. Of self abandonment, of, of not choosing self, of not honoring self, because we wanna get an energetic experience of the external reality, validating us, loving us, understanding us. But what we don't realize is the energy we're trying to pull in from outside of us to make us feel those loved.

Worth. Worth knowing things. It's like a different voltage. Like you won't ever get enough validation that will make your unworthiness feel at peace. Mm. Because unless you actually create that internal [00:44:00] template, I think deeply worthy within, doesn't matter what comes in, and this is where we get confused.

Like for those in the unloved wound, it does not matter what relationship you have. Unless you innately know that you are the source of love, you will never, ever feel the completion. You'll always be in that gray zone. Mm-hmm. Right. So it's not about being like, oh, we're all wounded and, and you know, messed up.

It's like this is actually a design pattern we all have to be conscious of. Right. And then when we're conscious, it's like we don't need to play in that in the same ways. I guess, what do you see your clients who have big shifts, what do you see them do that causes those shifts to happen? Hmm. Yeah. Such a multidimensional process like.

It's big, right? Because we're complex. It's not just like, there's not like a magic pill or an like, yeah, [00:45:00] but it's like one, they realize that they're not inherently defective and that this is a pattern they can consciously work with so they don't have to feel like a victim to reality. The soon the, as soon as you step out of feeling like a victim to reality, you're already in the driver's seat of being the creator.

Two, they realize that every second they spend. In self process, in, in heightening their consciousness internally, they will always get another version of reality that corresponds to their shift in consciousness. Mm. That comes from a corresponding shift of their nervous system, their pain, their automatic responses, and that will always shift reality.

The third thing is probably they realize they're multidimensional. So you can go and work with the past and bring it right now. And you don't have to go anywhere. You don't have to go into the past. You can just work with what's alive with you right now. And that's super empowering because you're like, I don't need to get dragged down with all my trauma.

I can process here what's alive in my body this second. [00:46:00] And that's like liberating. A lot of people realize that they've been running illusion programs. Yeah. Like they've been running these like lies about what reality is for them. It's like when you step into a truth because you're actually actively challenging, you're stretching your nervous system beyond that confine and you're going, you know what, what is actually safe here?

Mm-hmm. My illusion is like different to what is the truth. And then they realize that you're not alone. You're not alone in doing this work. So it's like, and there's more, but it's like, it's a multi-layered, holistic process because you can't just be like, oh, I'm just gonna do this one thing and feel better.

It doesn't, like, we're very complex as humans, and I found that with the work I do. So it's like you need to reach in and process on so many kind of layers, but it's not like an overarching. Yeah, pressure. It's actually quite fun. Like people that do this work are like, oh my God, this is happening in my reality.

I'm just gonna zip in and just work on that. And then just, just [00:47:00] shift timelines and it just is like, wow, that's kind of fun and cool. Especially, and see it as a game. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a game. Like if you love doing that kind of self-awareness stuff like, and that's more the spiritual thing. It's like, for me it's reality work.

It's not spiritual work. It's like, how are you working with your reality? You didn't say cold plunges. Oh my God. Let's, let's throw in a cold plunge. Let's just really get that going. I did go, I, I actually, I had a boyfriend and he was all about the cold plunge and the breath work, and I gave that a red hot go and I was like, Hmm.

Too much work. Too much work. If cold punches are so good for your nervous system, why do polar bears still kill people? That's a pretty, let's talk about it. You know, like, let's, they wanna be more than happy. They don't wanna be so cold. It makes you angry. Actually makes you angry. Yeah. I think the one thing that you just said, the number one thing that like flagged in my head is thinking that you're a victim of reality.

'cause that can be a program. That's a [00:48:00] massive program. That's like one of the biggest programs is that you have no control over this and you're on autopilot. And that's the scariest program to me is the autopilot is like the, oh, my default is for me to think that there's no hope. That's fucking crazy.

That's the heart. Like that's heartbreaking for me. That's the most heartbreaking one because it's like, oh my God. Like why are we here if we are gonna feel like we're trapped in some, on some level of that being. So what would you say to people that feel that way? Not me. I'm perfect. Just other people.

All there other friends out there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never felt that way in my life. Just, no, I can, if you could just please, please say something. Please just please make it's okay. Something helpful. Please say something soothing. Say something good here.

Yeah, like, I [00:49:00] mean, it's, it's legit that we do have, we are the, the creator. Like I know people like spin this shit off and they go, oh, we're the creative, our realities. We actually are really, truly, and deeply in relationship to the projection of everything around us, and it's almost like you can just play with this on a really small level.

Like you don't even have to go so big with it. You can just be like, what would happen today if I actually felt huge levels of universal support in every cell of me, in every moment for me that everything I looked at. Was actually supporting me even if I couldn't see it in that real mo in that exact moment.

Yeah. What if my like vision of that, I could feel that something was supporting me And your timeline through that day is gonna shift from the shift of your consciousness that you're just gonna be looking to see how supportive everything is around you. And that's just like a simple reality creation [00:50:00] exercise to go.

Whoa. If I can shift just that and see support coming in, even in the smallest ways, then it's like, what else can I shift internally that's gonna free up more space for me to be the creator? Because when you're the creator, you're actually not manifesting. You're not actually in desire. You're not actually wanting the got the partner, the blah, blah, blah.

Even though all those things are beautiful and fun and nice, you're actually just wanting deep levels of inner peace connectivity and like to go beyond that separation. So you feel at home here, like that's what everyone is wanting to feel? Yeah. And then the byproduct of those things, have you heard the term conscious?

I think it's called conscious awareness. Unconscious awareness, something like that where you just merge into that. Okay, I have to ask you this and then we'll wrap up to go back to my waking up feeling, hopeless example. Okay. But I have, I wanna know what you think about this because also it's not like it happens to me all the [00:51:00] time, but what I have also found that like laying in my bed and sitting in that, it only gets worse.

And if I just stand up, I'm like, oh, I'm good now. So how much of that is just neuro pathways? Your nervous system or habits, right? Like if I put on a pair of Lululemon pants, I have my day's over because they're so comfortable and I'm not gonna do jack shit. So sometimes I'm like wondering in the spiritual world, and interpretations can sometimes it just be your environment and your context and your choices.

A hundred percent. That's why, that's why I work a lot with addiction, which is not addiction to substances or things, it's addiction to the familiar thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Yes. Of your reality that create a known construct that keep you feeling an illusion of safety. 'cause it's like, oh, it's so safe to stay in this like confine of myself.

Yes, but that's addiction because the nervous system's like. If I keep doing this thing, [00:52:00] I don't have to deal with the core existential pain or emotional pain that's lying below here. It's like, ah, fuck yeah, sorry. Keep going. Yeah. It's like if I just turn on Netflix and like numb out. Then I don't have to deal with the fact that I'm feeling deeply, like not in my purpose, or deeply disconnected or deeply lonely, or deeply overwhelmed.

I just get to numb out. That's, you know, that's the behavior of the addiction. Excuse me. So like when you like, like get, turn that all off, like get that addiction mode clear and addiction can be just looking at your phone. It can be like, yeah. Calling a, a certain person that validates your pain. It can be like.

Not getting up in the morning. 'cause you wanna sleep in and like, it doesn't have to be like a physical addiction, it can just be a pattern of repetitive behavior. If you just can stretch your nervous system enough to not [00:53:00] participate in that and go into the pain that lies below that, that's where you're gonna start to unfer the consciousness.

It's separating you from reality. That's where you get the connectivity in that, and that connectivity then creates another version for you. Mm. How happy are you now, would you say? Wow, that's such a good question. I that, that it's like, it's kind of beyond happiness. It feels like contentment. Yeah. I feel like, I feel like I.

A little bit boring to say, but I feel like a more of a neutrality around like this, just a, a joy of being alive and of being human. And it's kind of like just is like an expansion that just happens in a breath. It's not like, oh, I'm so happy, I'm so solid. Like, it's like almost like, like I feel safe to be here.

I feel like intrinsically loved. Just by life, I feel like I'm actually [00:54:00] worthy to be on this planet and be in my truth of who I am, and I feel like I'm understanding myself and have this connection that means that I, I feel known from that. So it's like everything else is like, can come and go, right? Like things will come and go.

You know, challenges will come and go. Relationships will come and go. The transient nature. It's all here. It's all happening around us. Yeah. But that external thing, it's like just like a kind of a hum. Like a constant hum. So I wouldn't say like, I'm radically happy and I'm not sad. I'm just in this beautiful kind of connected space, I think.

Yeah. But what if that is the space? I feel like that is. Yeah. Like what if that's the space? All right. Well this has been. Absolutely fantastic. I'm gonna play a quick, rapid fire game with you where I say some things. It's called spiritual or asshole, and you tell me if it's spiritual or asshole. Are you down?

I'm so down. Okay. Spiritual or asshole thinking You entered the void, but then when you wake up, it's just Las Vegas. [00:55:00] Totally spiritual, great. Spiritual or asshole. Healing your core wounding by playing a recording of your mom. Apologizing on repeat. Asshole. Wow. Spiritual asshole. A modality called the unconscious method where you just drink beers and throw cheeseburgers at children.

Totally. Spiritual. Spiritual asshole. Thinking. The reason why things are happening to you is because of astrology. Oh, asshole. For me, for sure. Wow. Yeah. I won't tell anyone, spiritual or asshole trying to manifest. So you have the same nervous system as a dog. That feels great. Feels totally spiritual. I wanna be, I want my dog's nervous system.

All right. Last question I ask everybody. If you could tell people one thing to tell themselves all day long, what would it be? Mm. I'm so connected. Wow. No one said that in 200 [00:56:00] guests. That's a new one. Congrats. All right. Well this is great. You wanna tell everybody where they can find you? All halliwell, you know my name?

Well, we, we talked about it across the, across the board, you know, all the things. All halliwell, the, the.com at all the places. All the pla org. Okay. Great. Org come and find me. Like, honestly, like it's, you know, we're here to journey together. Love it. So, love to, I love it. This was great. Thank you so much.

Pleasure. Thank you Brendan.