Petty Squabbles

Rix and Samant encounter a talking frog, a persnickety pixie, protesting brownies, and tiny goats as they try to obtain a frog egg. All without leaving Rix's bedroom.

Cast

Narrator: Carolyn Jensen
Samant Ticks: Sarah Deming
Rix Ticks and MacDoogle: John Deming
Pixie and Mayor Dustpan: Melanie Gee
Lenny the Frog: Lincoln Gee

Transcript

Smirkwood Ep. 2 (FINAL)

Narrator: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the Enchanted Forest, Smirkwood, home to all manner of mystical beast in bloom. Our story continues as we follow the Ticks siblings, Samant and Rix. When last we left our heroes, Lynn the Enchantress told them to return the following morning and venture with her back into the magical forest.

We'll join them for that adventure next time. This story takes place the evening before. We find Rix in his room, which if you recall is literally crawling with tiny creatures. He is reading when Samant enters. 

Samant: Oh, it does not smell great in here. 

Rix: Yeah, the brownies are on strike. 

Samant: Don't know what that means, and I don't super care. Lynn sent a message. We need a frog egg. 

Rix: What kind of frog?

Samant: I think, just like, a normal frog? 

Rix: A tree frog? A bullfrog? I don't know what you mean by a normal frog. 

Samant: Ugh, Rix, just assume that any species will [00:01:00] work.

Rix: You know, for someone who's constantly needing my help, you could show a little more interest in my field of study.

Samant: You're mad at me? I'm the one who got Lynn to bring you along with us. 

Rix: Well, there are a lot of frogs in my aquatic section. It's possible we have some frog eggs that I haven't noticed. 

Narrator: Rix walks over to his window. 

Rix: I started with a few buckets, but I had to expand to the stream outside. 

Samant: We don't have a stream in our yard.

Rix: Yeah, so I redirected one. 

Narrator: The room is in a semi basement, so when he opens his window, their heads are only a couple feet above the ground. Within arm's reach is a bend in the stream. where the water is almost completely still. In this area there are many fish, salamanders, insects, and yes, frogs. A greenish yellow bullfrog is lounging with its legs kicked up on a rock.

Lenny: Whoa, check it out! It's people! 

Samant: How many of these frogs talk? [00:02:00] 

Rix: I didn't know any of them did. How come you can talk? 

Lenny: That is a wild question, man. I love thinking about stuff like that. Like, how come talk means talk? Why is it like, Urfush? Language is crazy. Huh. 

Samant: A frog philosopher, living in our backyard. 

Rix: A frog o sopher.

Samant: Hm. 

Lenny: Well, I'm not really a frog. I mean, I was a guy like four hours ago. Then I ate some yellow berries that I found in Spirkwood. I guess it turned me into this. I'm Lenny, by the way. Hey, 

Samant: Lenny. 

Lenny: Huh? 

Samant: Next time someone asks why you can talk, you should just tell them that. Do you need help changing back? 

Lenny: Oh, no way. Froggy life for me, dude. I get to just chill in this stream with my froggy compadres when a scary looking bird comes by. Speckles over there lets us know to dive under the lily pads. Good looking out, Speckles. Burp.

Plus, check this [00:03:00] out. Burp. 

Rix: Impressive. 

Samant: I'm very happy for you and your new life. We're looking for a frog egg.

Lenny: Well, Lily, our lady frog, she wants to lay her eggs, but there is a problema. What? 

Pixie: It's me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me. 

Narrator: A small pink pixie wearing a dress made of white tulip petals flies up to join the conversation. 

Samant: Oh no! What? She's wearing a tiara made of lilacs. How bad can she be? 

Pixie: Wow, Detainment Dan, you have so many little pets. Are you still trying to find one that will love you back?

Rix: Ouch. 

Pixie: I guess everyone needs a hobby. What's yours, Giggles? Learning skin care from this warty frog? 

Samant: Hey!

Rix: Ha! 

Lenny: [00:04:00] Yeah, that's the issue. Lily is too judgy and mean. 

Pixie: I'm not mean, I'm hilarious. Now, let me in. It smells like petty squabbles in there.

Rix: No! Get out of here!

Samant: Wow, I really thought fairies would be nicer. 

Rix: It's a pixie. 

Samant: How do we get rid of it? 

Rix: Let's check the book. Okay,

pixies.

Oh. 

Samant: What? 

Rix: It says they're attracted to conflict. They feed off it to turn it into magic. 

Samant: What conflict is there in your little stream? Lenny seems to think it's paradise out there. 

Rix: She was trying to get in the window. 

Samant: You think the conflict is in here somewhere? 

Rix: I know exactly where it is. It's time to go talk to the Brownies.[00:05:00] 

Narrator: The siblings walk over to Rix's bookcase, where each gap between books is being utilized as a living space for a pocket sized family. At the top, there are a few dozen fuzzy, tawny colored people. Each about three inches tall. They are waving picket signs. 

Brownies: We won't be set aside! We won't be set aside! We won't be set aside!

We won't be set aside! We won't be set aside! 

Samant: Whoa, how long have they been like this?

Rix: A while now. The chances have started to kind of get personal. 

Brownies: We hate Rix! We hate Rix! We hate Rix! 

Narrator: A stately female brownie emerges from the group. She motions for the crowd to quiet down as Rick stoops to address her.

Rix: Mayor Dustpan, I'm willing to hear your demands.

Mayor Dustpan: Bring the wee Highland goats to justice, Mr. Tix. Do this and we will start cleaning again. 

Rix: And what is justice [00:06:00] for them? 

Mayor Dustpan: Considering they've stolen our land and harassed us to no end? I think extermination would be appropriate. 

Brownies: Yeah, kill him! Dead too! Come on!

I'm

Rix: not gonna just kill the tiny goats, dustpan!

MacDougal: Ya could not if ya tried! 

Narrator: A cream colored goat with a scraggly beard emerges from the stampede and hops on a stack of coins opposite the brownies. He gets up on his hind legs just so he can fold his arms at Rick's, although doing so means he can never quite find his balance. 

Samant: What is happening right now?

Rix: Did I never show you the wee highland goats? They just started living on my dirty clothes once the pile got big enough. 

MacDougal: Aye, and we've lived peacefully atop this mount. Our forefather has made a [00:07:00] truce with the brownies. 

Mayor Dustpan: That we would not tidy or launder the mountain and they would not invade our bookshelf.

MacDougal: Until the traitors broke their word.

Mayor Dustpan: The sock was on our land. 

Narrator: Samant pulls Rix aside as the brownies and goats continue arguing. 

Samant: Rix, did you start a diplomatic crisis by putting a dirty sock on your bookshelf? 

Rix: I picked it up as soon as I figured out what was going on, but by then the damage was done.

Samant: And now the brownies are so mad about it that they stopped cleaning up your room? 

Rix: Yeah. 

Samant: Yeesh. I 

Rix: know. 

Samant: So what are we supposed to do about it? 

Rix: I don't know. Everyone's mad at me and mad at each other. 

Samant: Fine, I'll just figure out how to fix this like I do with everything. 

Rix: You don't have to say it like that!

Samant: Whatever, I'm gonna go get something.

Rix: Guys! 

MacDougal: [00:08:00] Charge!

Narrator: It is at this moment that Samant returns, aiming a spray bottle at the bookcase. 

Samant: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Cool it! Everybody, listen up! You are living in the same corner of my brother's already small bedroom, okay? Really? You will see a lot of each other, so all of your many encounters can either be positive or negative.

Which one do you want? 

Mayor Dustpan: Negative. Eh, it's not pos 

Rix: You're getting my book sweat! 

Samant: I don't want to hear it, Ricks. How about you, McDougal? 

MacDougal: Bah, positive. 

Samant: Good. So maybe next time there's a disagreement, you talk it out nicely, instead of making accusations and jumping to violence. Hey,

[00:09:00] and Rick's will be very careful not to put any more dirty clothes on the brownies lands, right? 

Rix: I'll put all my dirty clothes in the pile on the floor where they belong. 

Samant: Okay, now say something nice to each other. 

MacDougal: Hey. Like that yer folk keep the room from smelling too badly.

Mayor Dustpan: Thank you. We all think you look very cute in your little kilts.

We talk about it all the time. 

Oh, Mayor Dustpan. You've made 

MacDougal: my lads quite sheepish. 

Samant: Boom! Conflict ended. You're welcome. Okay, let's show that pixie how peaceful it is in here. 

Rix: Fine.

Hey, Samant. 

Samant: What?

Rix: We're going to be seeing a lot of [00:10:00] each other probably for the rest of our lives. Do you want our encounters to be positive or negative? 

Samant: I see what you did there.

 You used my own words against me.

Positive. 

Rix: Me too. 

Samant: I could be nicer to you about all the stuff you do and like. 

Rix: You could be a lot 

Samant: nicer. Okay, okay. But you need to at least try to be less scatterbrained. Sometimes I can barely keep up with what crazy thing you're doing. 

Rix: Can we be friends then? 

Samant: Yeah, I think it would be cool if we were friends.

Ah! Alright, calm down. Let's get rid of that pixie. 

Pixie: Ah ha! Ready to wait. Where are my squabbles? Is that a genuine desire for [00:11:00] understanding? Ugh! 

Rix: Ha! That's right! We like each other now!

Pixie: Nooooo! My source of power! You ruined everything! 

Lenny: Nice one, amigos! 

Samant: Thanks! 

Rix: What do you think, Lily? Can you lay your eggs now?

Lenny: Yeah, come check again tomorrow morning, dude.

Samant: Is she gonna be okay with us taking one?

Lenny: Yeah, dude, Lily's the chillest. 

Samant: Great! Huh, are frogs bad parents? 

Rix: Well, they lay hundreds of eggs in hopes that a handful will survive, so I guess giving away one egg isn't that big of a deal, but also yes, now that I say that it sounds like they're kind of bad parents.

I 

Samant: guess that's convenient for us. It's kind of cool that you knew that. 

Rix: Thanks. 

Samant: Here, you have a little dirt on your 

Rix: Ah, 

give me that! [00:12:00] 

Narrator: This episode is dedicated to Anne, Kimberly, Eve, Tessa, and Juliet. Thanks for deciding to be my friend, even though I was your annoying little sister. 

Samant: Samant was voiced by Sarah Deming.

Rix: Rix and McDougal were voiced by John Deming. 

Pixie: Pixie and Mayor Despin were voiced by Melanie Gee. 

Lenny: Lenny the Frog was voiced by Lincoln Gee.