Kosmic Cove
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Kosmic Cove
EP 43- We Explore The Eerie Back Rooms and Laugh At The World's Most Incompetent Thieves
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Have you ever experienced that uncanny feeling of recognizing a place you've never been? That's the essence of the Back Rooms – an internet phenomenon we explore deeply in this episode alongside some hilariously botched criminal endeavors.
The conversation begins with a collection of true "dumb criminal" stories that will leave you wondering how these individuals thought they'd succeed. From the man who attempted to rob a gun store armed with just a baseball bat, to the burglar who paused mid-heist to check his Facebook (and left his profile logged in at the crime scene), these tales of criminal incompetence provide both comedy and cautionary tales.
The hosts then share their own childhood "heist" experiences, revealing the surprising complexity of a young mind determined to acquire a coveted video game cartridge. These confessions highlight the universal experience of childhood desire and poor decision-making with surprising emotional honesty.
But the heart of the episode dives into the Back Rooms – that digital mythology of infinite, empty spaces with buzzing fluorescent lights and yellowed wallpaper. We explore this collaborative internet legend that began with a single 4chan post in 2019 and has since evolved into an expansive universe with countless levels, entities, and rules. The hosts break down various Back Rooms environments, from the iconic Level 0 to the nightmarish tar pits of Level 41 and the animated town of Level 94.
What makes this discussion particularly fascinating is how it taps into why these spaces feel so unsettling – they trigger nostalgia without a source, creating the disturbing sensation of "I've been here before, but I don't remember when." It's a journey through liminal spaces, digital folklore, and the collective unconscious that will leave you questioning the boundaries between reality and imagination.
Subscribe for part two where we'll delve deeper into the entities that inhabit the Back Rooms and share real-life glitch experiences that might make you wonder if these spaces exist beyond the digital realm.
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Episode Introduction
Speaker 1Oh, you think darkness is your ally. You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it.
Speaker 2I see death.
Speaker 1Welcome across the cold family. It's your co-host, yael, with my boy, the one and only Mr Reverante oh. Mr Reverante, okay, that's right. Oh, that's your boyfriend a bitch.
Speaker 2He ain't shit he can. Oh, mr Reverente, okay, that's right. Oh, okay, because your boyfriend a bitch.
Speaker 1He ain't shit, he gets up on my dick.
Speaker 2While he. Do you like this? No, I was listening to that song today at work.
Speaker 1I was about to say who the fuck sings that.
Speaker 2What's his name? Fucking Krispy Kreme, leap Fry, fresh, or whatever his name was Krispy Kreme, cream, leapfryfresh or whatever.
Speaker 1His name was Kool Z Kroop. No, I don't know that. No, no, no.
Speaker 2You look so good in that sundress. It goes some shit like that.
Speaker 1Oh, I'm going to have to check that out.
Speaker 2All right, no, but how y'all doing? How's everybody doing? Y'all doing good today, Y'all doing good. Y'all had a good week.
Speaker 1All leave.
Speaker 2Talk now, talk now. They're all dead. If you're listening to this episode, it's because you died, so welcome to the afterlife. Today we're going to be teaching you on how no, I'm just joking On how to come back to life. Let me look at the stats real quick. Let me look real quick.
Speaker 1We're looking at the numbers.
Speaker 2Our numbers went down, did they?
Speaker 1Yeah, numbers went down. Please, people, we try to appease everybody. They didn't like the last episode. Bro, what we talked about last episode, uh, they got ken at. That's what it was. Bro, dwayne has got him bro that's what we're gonna say for now, when we start losing numbers, when he's got him, bro, no spread of the add-on it'll be all right.
Speaker 2Well, it's because people like we get most of the listens from like previous episodes, oh, okay, but I keep track of, like the recent episodes, the current ones.
Speaker 1That's what I keep track of. Okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2But I mean, our numbers ain't too bad. It actually went up like in the sense of Y'all hear that here first. In the sense of all wrong In the market baby 2025, we in and we out, you go rich, you go broke the next day. You ever seen a homeless?
Speaker 1millionaire you have in Los Angeles. Holy shit, live right in front of you. You seen a homeless millionaire in Los Angeles, bro.
Speaker 2Who let that flower bear head? What Homeless million you ever seen? A homeless millionaire you have in Los Angeles Because of the fires they have no home. Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1I guess.
Speaker 2I guess somebody left their funny box. No, I'm just messing, but it's just a joke, y'all. You know my heart goes out to all the people out there.
Speaker 1Still.
Speaker 2Facing the fires and everything. You know we're just joking, but um how y'all doing? Hope everybody's doing good. You know what it is?
Speaker 1episode 44, I think, 44 right, 40, it was just 34. The other day it just was, bro, it was just 34 fuck, let me check real quick another stat check let's see is is 43 today's episode 43.
Speaker 2oh, this Okay okay, Last one was 42. All right, but before we start off you know what time it is we got to check up on each other, feel each other a little bit.
Speaker 1Got to see what it was, got to make sure it's all dead. Still the same size, right.
Speaker 2Make sure it hasn't been used. We're going to be like the Dallas Cowboys Make sure it Let me smell it, let me smell it, uh-uh. Pull it back. Uh-uh, you were somebody else, I bet.
Speaker 1Bro, I just seen that on Instagram. That's not my pH balance.
Speaker 2That's not the stuff I use. Mine got sting to it Ew.
Speaker 1Oh hell, no, Bro, you ever seen Backdoor? It's this Mexican show. Well, yeah, mexican. It's on YouTube. They be doing like skits, it's like SNL type of thing, but they be doing like Mexican skits.
Speaker 2Oh wait.
Speaker 1I think I sent you some of their stuff. I think the famous one right now. They even got a show on Netflix. The famous one was the officer that goes and takes the I know what you're talking about now. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2They got bought out by Comedy Central or something like that.
Speaker 1Oh did they?
Speaker 2They got bought out by some big company. Oh shit, I want to say they did for like, they got like brought on.
Speaker 1Yeah, took under or whatever you want to call it. Yeah, whatever.
Speaker 2Big corporations like all right, you know we.
Speaker 1We're going to give y'all a show or some show Type shit, I think they did, if it's them. That's probably how they got the show on Netflix, bro, because they got a-. Oh yeah, then they did. Yeah, okay, damn bro, but-.
Speaker 2That's pretty cool though bro Right how you see them start like as a small, like production company or whatever you want to call it, like group of friends or the way they act and everything Right, and then for them to like continue on in their journey and then finally like achieve like a big, yeah, big status, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool right there, yeah.
Speaker 1And I mean they still stay funny and consistent with their. Well, I haven't seen anything recently, recently, but when I was watching it was a funny one. It just reminded me of like started sucking the dude off. Oh yeah, I remember that one. Yeah, bro, and then even the dude came in, didn't he Did?
Speaker 2the dude come in too.
Speaker 1Oh was he, Because they were talking about like nah, this ain't the soul.
Speaker 2Oh, no, no, no, Nah, this ain't.
Speaker 1And then her friend?
Speaker 2No, it was her friend. What is a man to do In this situation? What is a?
Speaker 1man to do, bro, but just Just sit there.
Speaker 2He's just trying to prove His innocence, right? Am I a bad man To try and prove my?
Speaker 1innocence. I did not sleep With that woman, y'all. I did not Come here, suck it, taste it.
Speaker 2Some of that. Bill Clinton, bro, that's what that is, that's what they call that. But um, how was your week, bro? How you doing?
Speaker 1So it was good bro. Really can't complain, bro. It was uh. Well, it was a little slow, but uh.
Speaker 2Oh, it was finally slow for y'all.
Speaker 1Yeah, it was just cause I think the jobs Are like moving around. You know, when everybody Starts like Nah, give me two more weeks, nah, give me another week, but um length, kind of yeah, kind of sort of at your place, though.
Speaker 2That's what I meant.
Speaker 1Like, yeah, yeah, my place, yeah, yeah so, uh, but yeah, nothing, nothing too crazy, really.
Speaker 2Okay, that was about it what you doing your time off, then no, that's, that's perfect with all the work that you do, bro. I mean, I just live, you gotta catch up.
Catching Up and Weekly Check-In
Speaker 1I got up, I said, yeah, it's too early, it's too early for this and I, yeah, I just went back to bed I don't blame you, bro, I would've done the same thing but what you got, bro, this time was a little boring for me.
Speaker 2This time I don't know you, good me, you already know what the fuck got going on. Not shit, I ain't got nothing going on, bro. Like I said, I I just been chilling. You know day to day shit bro. You know day-to-day shit bro. You know I just come home, we'll go to work, come home, take care of the dogs, scream at the dogs and just do like chores, like not chores, but like do random. I mean not random stuff. Daily duties Okay, clothes, we'll wash your clothes, fold clothes, sweep, go away trash.
Speaker 1Just just, just just grown man. Shit, really Adult shit, just adult shit. I used to never have to do this, shit man.
Speaker 2All I had to do was throw my book bag on the ground, get on that Xbox 360, game till three in the morning. That's all I had to do. Oh, Now I kind of. I'm over here checking the oil on my car. Damn it, I need some more oil.
Speaker 1Goes out there cold as shit. Just just the house slippers on, don't even got your jacket on, just got your morning shit on. For real, bro, that should be mad as shit, because you gotta, you gotta, go get oil now, before before you go to go to work, I'll be.
Speaker 2I'll be standing looking out the window like them girls. They'd be like when, when you finally get that moment of silence and you remember your, your whole days or some shit like that and they're like moms now or whatever. That's just Roxy. Oh okay, they're like moms, but they're reminiscent of their wild times. Me looking off into the distance remembering my wild times.
Speaker 1Just a three in the morning Xbox session Just three in the morning, xbox session.
Speaker 2Doing nothing, just chilling, laughing, screaming. That's pretty much it, bro.
Speaker 1It's crazy how that shit changes, huh.
Speaker 2It's crazy. For me it's worth it.
Speaker 1It was just a kid yesterday, bro. That's how it feels like. That's really how it feels like, bro, I mean it's all good.
Speaker 2I mean it's worth it though, Having a kid and everything I enjoy it. It's tough, but I do enjoy it.
Speaker 1Nah, I know.
Speaker 2It is rewarding. But all right, that's enough of that. So today we're going to give y'all some good ha-ha-hee-hees, some good topics. Let them know what the first topic is for today, y'all.
Speaker 1What do you want to make the first?
Speaker 2We'll do the dumb Dumb Criminals 1.
Speaker 1Check this out. Y'all Check this out. This really is a good one, Because what better? Everybody likes a good criminal story.
Speaker 2Right, everybody likes a good crime Right. On some Ocean 12, ocean 11. On some Ocean 12.
Speaker 1Y'all remember seeing cops and shit. Y'all know, right, just watching that shit, fox 8 News. You know, just watching that shit. But what better if not dumb?
Speaker 2criminals, right, just motherfuckers that want to do crime but they're not good at it. They're just. They're not even dumb. These are average people, just average people. This is the average man committing a crime just average, just an average.
Speaker 1Dude doing shenanigans, just an average dude trying to rob the liquor store. You know just just nothing, just nothing to it, just nothing to it.
Speaker 2You want to lead off onto the first story? Then I got a couple for you, but I'm going to do.
Speaker 1Yeah, I got a couple too.
Speaker 2I mean they're not too long.
Speaker 1Yeah, they're not long.
Speaker 2I mean because it's a dumb crime. It's a dumb crime. We came. This is not a masterful, this was, were not involved.
Speaker 1This, this this all right, but this is an open and shut case. This, this is, this is look, look. I'm going to start you off with an easy one Look, we got, we got, we got Derek mostly. So when you do a crime, you know you would think planning is it's an important step of the of said crime. I would guess I've never committed a crime.
Speaker 2But uh.
Speaker 1I've never got caught when committing a crime. Oh shit, oh shit. Um, derek mostly didn't place very high points on these things and before he decided to rob a gun store, armed with only a baseball bat seeing as it was a gun shop the manager pulled the gun on him. The would-be robbery kept him on the crosshairs until authorities arrived. You can't.
Speaker 2Look, nah, he was bold, though. Look, he was the. That is a determined thief man.
Speaker 1use what he had. He's a resourceful motherfucker. All he had on him at the time was a bat.
Speaker 2Well, if you think about it, the distance he had with the bat to gun pointing ratio, if he was quick enough he could hit the gun out of the dude's hand. Then just hit the dude on the head on some cartoon shit. Bonk, Knock him out.
Speaker 1No.
Speaker 2If I can use cartoon logic, he should have won that.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's why he got caught. I'm telling you, that's why he was taken.
Speaker 2Or just do what everybody does Put your finger in the barrel, then the gun doesn't work.
Speaker 1Everybody knows If it's out of battery it will not work. Everybody knows that.
Speaker 2Everybody knows If you put your finger in the barrel, then the backside explodes.
Speaker 1The backside explodes, or the barrel just gets really big and just blows up inside and we pull the finger out.
Speaker 2And a little tongue comes out, then everybody has gunpowder on their face and they're just bunch of funny dudes.
Speaker 1That's what I would do. That's just me, though. That's just. That's just, that's just us.
Speaker 2When did it end up happening to the dude then?
Speaker 1Oh, that arrested him?
Speaker 2Yeah, but like did he get like 30 days a year?
Speaker 1Oh, I didn't see, I didn't look up if they got. But I didn't look up if they got. But yeah, the dude just got arrested. He got arrested, y'all.
Speaker 2Who would have thought? Who would have thought Let me go rob this gun store real quick with my baseball bat With a bat, didn't even go through the back door, didn't sneak around nothing. He said they got guns. Homie just went through the front door. They don't have the bullets in the guns, though.
Speaker 1The bullets on the walls.
Speaker 2Bullets in the guns, though the bullets on the walls, I see them, I can see the logic, though he just like me. That's really just like my brain cells wandering off by themselves if they were a person.
Speaker 1I know that motherfucker probably walked in there. Bullets over here, guns over there. I got enough time before he gets in them bullets Unarmed man. That's perfect logic. Man Y'all telling me that's not good logic. He pulled up to the bullets with the bat in hand, garnered that shit like all right.
Speaker 2So let me tell y'all mine this is from. This is called the facebook burglar. Facebook burglar this is nicholas wig, age 26 at the time this is is in South Paul, Minnesota. He had a little bit of a criminal history, you know several minor offenses, but nothing quite as gnarly or as dumb as this.
Speaker 2So on June 19, 2014, around 8.15 am, homeowner James Wood left his home to run errands. Surveillance footage from a neighbor's ring-style doorbell showed a man in a hoodie lurking near the back door. Around 10 am, wig pried open a basement window, crawling into the home. Police reports noted muddy footprints throughout the house indicating he wandered into room I mean from room to room, rummaging through drawers and closets. The dude ended up selling $500 in cash, credit cards, clothing, a watch and sunglasses. So inside the home office, wig noticed the desk, noticed a desktop computer left powered on.
Dumb Criminals: Hilariously Failed Heists
Speaker 2Police report said wig logged into his personal facebook account, either out of sheer boredom or to message someone for a ride. After sending a message he walked away and left the browser open with this full profile photo name, birthday, recent check-ins all visible whole genius, but whole ho genius bro, ho madman. He said damn, what the fuck they got going on in the book right now. Let me go check, bro. Hey, bro, made a quick status. Bro, check this. Hitting the most devious lick right now. Lol, it's like when you work and you check your phone, bro, for your bed.
Speaker 1Ben Heiss, this is what the fuck they got going on.
Speaker 2I know Keisha ran hey, come pick me up money. Good. So when James Wood returned, he immediately saw the mess and went to check his computer. Seeing a stranger's Facebook profile open, wood took a screenshot for evidence and posted directly to Wig's wall. You left your Facebook logged in on my computer. You are one dumb criminal.
Speaker 2Incredibly nah, it did on the book we replied to the post saying hi, hi, yeah, I did. Sorry about that. So that's actually evidence. Like the police took screenshots of that. Yeah, you caught me. Lol, my bad ain't no way. Yeah, you caught me, ain't no way. So they did a whole sting operation, holy shit. So the owner like the homeowner or whatever he negotiated with the dude who robbed him to like meet up so the dude would return some of the things that he stole, and they agreed to meet, like at a nearby park or whatever, and the dude had, like the police waiting in like regular clothes for the dude to show up and like give him some of the stuff that he had. Boom, they booked him right there.
Speaker 1Well, the crazy part is the motherfucker actually agreed to going back and getting his stuff.
Speaker 2When he did show up, though, like when he showed up to the park, the dude was wearing the guy's jeans, his watch and then his sunglasses Tight shit. He said you know, this bitch go crazy.
Speaker 1You sunglasses, tight shit. He said you know this fit go crazy. Just copped him. Hey, he like me when I was a little kid, as soon as, as soon as I got out at a warm-up with that, with that new uh shirt on, I'm putting that shit on, bro. Not even getting washed, bro. You know that shit wasn't even washed, bro. He put that shit on right so the outcome?
Speaker 2the dude got second degree burglary, trespassing and theft. He got 90 days in jail, one year. The judge called it the most technologically, technologically incompetent burglary I've ever seen. Hell, no bruh. Before we go on to the next thing off the record. Who said off the record? Off the record.
Speaker 1So if you say off the record, you can't get prosecuted for it. Off the record.
Speaker 2In a what if? Scenario. In a crazy scenario.
Speaker 1What is?
Speaker 2something that you have robbed or stolen In a what if?
Speaker 1situation Hypothetically speaking.
Speaker 2Hypothetically, if you were younger, statue of limitations is already gone. If you were younger, what is something that?
Speaker 1you would have stolen. Let me break it down to you. Let me tell you how I got away with the biggest height of 05, bro. So let me tell you, it really wasn't crazy. It was just I wanted some pencils, I wanted some new. I about went over jail with some lab pencils, bro. So the thing was 0.7 or 0.9? Was it 0.5? Was it 0.9?
Speaker 2or 0.7? 0.9.
Speaker 1Was it 0.7?
Speaker 2Was it 0.9?
Speaker 10.7. My go-to was always 0.7. 0.7. Well, you 0.5? Bro this shit breaking, bro, this shit breaking every time you press down. Bro, what the fuck you doing using 0.5 at school? At school, that's like a professional saying, that's like office pencil 0.9, you a big .7 is just that.
Speaker 2It was .9 and .7, right and .5, right. Yeah, I think I can't remember.
Speaker 1Yeah, those were the three, I'm pretty sure. But .9, okay, you have big, old, meaty fingers. If you were using .9, bro, that's cannot be using that bro. But so I wanted some .7 pencils, but it had a hole. They were inside of a plastic encasing type shit, right. So I was like damn bro, Because usually usually not that I used to do this or not, but usually you know the thing was you want to get it out of the package. So when you walk past the scanners they want to beep. So that was a hole. You try to take off the tags. Well, these were like in the hard plastic type shit. How we gonna do this, bro, how we gonna do this, right, so you gotta use what's around you.
Speaker 2No, no, you put it back. You went home, pulled out the, the tack board. What's it called the sport?
Speaker 1the corkscrew, uh-huh had put.
Speaker 2You put a picture of the pencils, had like a whole schematic of the whole building.
Speaker 1Had the build, yeah, had the building, everything. Had the security and everything had the security routines, their shift routines and everything it was like my little toys were using as the little mannequins for them I was, so I was like, alright, how am I gonna get these out? Nice ass pencil I'm talking about like $12 ass pencil back in the day back in it was just a regular big pencil back in the day. It was that good mechanical, it was like that good with the rubber grip and everything on it.
Speaker 1Oh shit, Okay it was like one of the big good ones, like one of the good mechanical pencils. I said, bro, how am I going to get this? How am I going to get this? I need a knife or something. I said, where else can I find a knife or something?
Speaker 2In the middle of the store.
Speaker 1In the middle of the store. So check this out, check this out. I went over there to like you know how I got the little construction site, like construction station, where you can get like tools and stuff like that. They got blades there, let me put you on game, though. So they ain't regular blades, you know. You got to get the blade refills because the blade refills are not, because if you get a regular blade, it has a bunch of plastic and shit all over too, which you need to get the blade refills. That's just behind some cardboard. You can just pop it open like that. So I took one, took one of the blades, cut the plastic thing, took the pencils Damn Whole heist. You took all the pencils, yeah, just the ones I needed. I didn't take like 40. I wasn't about to start selling these bitches.
Speaker 2I didn't take like 40. I wasn't about to start selling these bitches. You better to me, bro. I used to have four. Bro, I would have owned half of the school with those pencils. Can't be going too crazy.
Speaker 1I would have been the school supplier for pencils Come on man, the kids they need, the education man FBI would have pulled up. You wouldn't know anything about a bunch of .7 pencils going missing with you. Oh no, Some little kid, Some little kid. Hey, hey, let me buy one of them. Pez's off you.
Speaker 2Right there from the FBI agents. Right there bro, we got to book them Right there. Just look, take your mugshot picture.
Speaker 1Right, they will put the muzzle on you and everything bro.
Speaker 2Shackle your feet.
Speaker 1Shackle your feet, Everything bro, bro, who really whole criminal out there, hey, and I never got caught. And I never got caught. Oh no, I got caught, not no, okay, so I didn't steal from the store.
Speaker 2But I well, no, this is a what if scenario. Okay, yeah, all of this is what if? All of this is what? Off the record, this is an imagination scenario. So I went to, uh, like my god brother's house in raleigh. They would always have like spare chains thrown on the ground. I don't if they were like trying to be cool and do something, or I don't know, Just thrown yeah they literally had like half dollars golden dollars quarters. Just thrown on the ground like on the carpet.
Speaker 1Oh, that's it.
Speaker 2No, I'm talking about the whole.
Speaker 1I'm licking your house clean, though I'm bro.
Speaker 2No, that's what I did. Oh, that's what you did.
Speaker 1At least like 12 dollars from them or something oh shit, yeah, just from picking it up, hey, they throw it on the ground. They don't want you.
Speaker 2I said damn, I'm taking these right pocket ching, ching. They ain't say nothing to me, though, all right, at least not for that right, all right. So they had a nintendo 64, I had a nintendo 64.
Speaker 1It wasn't mine, but it was ours, like my family's or whatever.
Speaker 2So I thought, damn, I don't have that game. This is a good game. I don't have this game. I would like that. I would like to play this game at home. I go to my god brother hey, can I, can I borrow this game? I'll bring it back. No, no, because your mom says it's too violent. James Bond 007 is not too violent. This is a super secret operative. He is, in fact, not too violent. It is not too violent the moment you die your blood, your screen goes bloody, or whatever, when you die.
Speaker 1Oh, it does, though, oh shit.
Speaker 2You go, oh, and then the screen is like red. What a time though that shit was like. What a time though that shit was like. What a super realistic right. It's like, damn the blood super realistic. James bond's face was ultra realistic, bro. The guns, that shit looked like color duty skin. To me, bro, that shit looks so good. The rectical on the freaking sniper rifle, when you, oh my the aiming, oh, you could get better than this who said who's the?
Speaker 2don't, don't make it like they used to the war, bro. This was peak gaming, bro, for me as a kid. Bro, I was like, bro, this is the best bro, it ain't going to get no better than this. So I was like I need this game. So I was like, all right. He said no, me being me, I need the game. So I got the itches. I had the little devil on that one on my shoulder, right, right, right.
Speaker 1You should take it home and play it.
Speaker 2Little Angel. No, you should put it back and ask your parents to get you it, or just wait. Wait, Little Devil, put it in your pocket. He ain't going to see it Me over here. I should have put it in my pocket. He ain't going to see it. I put that thing in my pocket Me a little ass kid bro.
Speaker 1Whole big ass, big ass the tic-tac-toe 64.
Speaker 2Uh, cartilage, cartilage, cartilage, yeah, cartridge, cartridge. There you go, poke, poking out of my, poking out of my freaking pocket. I walk right past him. He's like hey, where you going. He pulled me to the side. He's like come over here, sit right here.
Speaker 2I was like what he's? Like what you, what you doing? I was was like nothing. I was like whole beetle juice, nothing, nothing, just chilling. I was like no, just chilling. He said, oh, that's cool, that's cool. He said he said where you about to head, like where you about to head to. I was like I'm just going to the park, I'm just play okay, okay, what you got in your pocket, bro, I froze, bro, I froze. I was like I pulled my other pocket. I was like nothing. I showed up my other pocket. I was like ain't nothing in here. Chief whole moth just flew out. What about the other one? The moth was the oracle. He was no. He was like uh, what they had? Like overwatch, we, we got caught. I got to get out of here. But then he reached into my pocket, pushed my balls to the side and said what is this? He said I could hear under his breath Jesus Christ. And then he pulled out the Hook of idiot. Hook of idiot.
Speaker 1I say he was jealous, that's why he was picking on me.
Speaker 2You know, he caressed him a little bit, shuffled him around. He said, nah, this ain't, this ain't what I'm looking for. He said, piece of shit, I wish my mom were there.
Speaker 1Now I'm definitely gonna bust him said piece of shit.
Speaker 2I wish my mom were there. Now I'm definitely going to bust him. And then so he like took the. He took the game out of my pocket. He's like so what is this? I'm like how'd that get there? Be over here, my brother should have. My brothers might have put that in my pocket. I hate when they do that to me. They always try to set me up. Oh my God, they always try to set me up. I wanted the game. Can y'all blame?
Speaker 1me. Can y'all blame a simple man for wanting the game?
Speaker 2Y'all would have done the same thing, am I right?
Speaker 1Shit, Shit. I'm trying to remember the time I did something like that, but no, so this isn't the first time, bro.
Speaker 2I got plenty of stories like this. I hit licks on multiple games. Oh shit, almost hit a lick on one of the movie stories, but I got lucky because I didn't hit the lick. I didn't know they put the thing, they didn't put the game inside the box until you went to check it out. I was about to take a whole empty case.
Speaker 1That would have been the worst.
Speaker 2bro Me over here I get the crazy lick Empty ass bikes. Holy shit, bro. But so he was like what you got, whatever, you know, he caught me, so he's like put it back in my room. Him being the dummy that he was, he sent me by myself to put it in the room.
Speaker 1So what I did was you know I put it back.
Speaker 2You know I literally took it in my pocket, put it down, then put it right back on.
Speaker 1Ain't no way.
Speaker 2That shit was crazy. That shit did not. My hand did not want to let go bro Ain't. No way my body was that dedicated, bro. The evil took over me, bro. I'm over here, ain't? No way took over me. You know, I was like.
Speaker 1I was like I was putting it back.
Speaker 2I was like you know I shouldn't be stealing. Then my eyes rolled back I'm taking this, I'm taking this home. It's becoming mine. What?
Speaker 1was the whole grilling bro. I blacked out bro. He could not not take the game bro.
Speaker 2That's the whole cracking bro, at the age of six, seven I can't remember how old I was All you had to do was not take it. All you had to do was just let it go. I put it back. I took it out of my pocket. I said, what? That shit does not want to come out of my hand? Who gets that little kid shit? Well, it won't come home with me then. So I put it back in my pocket.
Speaker 1But this time I was being strategic.
Speaker 2Okay, I like put it back in my pocket. But I pushed my pocket back like that or some shit, and then I just walk, like with my hands to my side, but like this, so like, so I was walking todo, todo hotito bro I was doing like a runway walk. I was doing a runway walk with my hands on my sides.
Speaker 1Work it, work it, Work it, work it, work, it, work it In Hollywood Work it work it.
Speaker 2It's like you know how the heist has, like the girl that distracted people, that was me. That's how it was, work it. Why is he fucking walking like that? Uh-huh, work it, girl, work it. Uh-uh. I want to catch on. Uh-uh, uh-uh. What the fuck yo Fruity Ass? Let me check your pockets.
Speaker 1That's the most suspicious shit ever. I didn't get past the checkpoint what?
Speaker 2the fuck. Nah. So, but this time I was being a little bit more strategic, right? So first it was just him on the couch. Until you know, I had a whole stakeout, bro, you thought about it Silly fool. Yeah, that's what I was like, Bro. I already know what to do, Bro my IQ level was out of charge.
Speaker 2He wanted the game. He wanted that game. It's mine. It's mine, it's calling my name, that save file. I left the save file on there, so it's mine now. So I was like I'm just going to chill in here till it's time to go tight shit. I was like who just gonna wait it out, I'll wait it out. My mom's like. She was like it's time to go. She's like whatever, it is right out there. Yes, mother little, reverence little reverence right, little little, uh, whole heist, whole goblin reverence yes my dear, you summon me.
Speaker 2And then she was like it's time to go home. You know, I'm over, just peeking out of his room I'm like, okay, she's like hurry up, everybody's getting in the car. So she was saying goodbye to my god brother and like everybody was hugging each other that was the time.
Speaker 2I was like it's now or never I'll be over here hyping myself up. It's now or never. And bro I sped, walked so fast past everybody and he saw my pocket and he was going to get up. But the mom said, no, where are you going to sit back down? You got to say goodbye to her or whatever to my mom. And he was like bro, I ran past, went inside the Suburban. I mean, yeah, I think, went inside the freaking. Probably a I don't went inside the freaking, probably a van or whatever we had at the time, jumped in the van, jumped in the very back seat, threw that shit out of my pocket, put it on the floor underneath the seat. No way, whole heist completed. No way, whole heist completed. Tight shit, holy fuck. If I'm not mistaken, I think he did say something. So my mom came up to me like so, um, your godbrother said that you stole his game or whatever. Do you have anything in your pockets? No, no, I don't have anything.
Speaker 1You was ready for that too. I don't have anything?
Speaker 2Me with my pocket chain? I don't have anything. I don't have anything.
Speaker 1He's smiling, he's smiling all the time. I don't care though.
Speaker 2Hold on. I had the tears in my eyes, bro. Hold the tears in my eyes, bro. Oh no, they said just leave it, he has too many games, he don't need to know anymore, or whatever. Bro, I had the biggest lick of my life, bro, that's how I got 007. Not the 07.
Speaker 1Not getting the 007 while running the 007 on the. That's right, holy shit.
Speaker 2Bro, that ride home from Raleigh was sweet bro sweet victory as soon as my stepdad hit the hit the highway. You knew I reached underneath the the I reached underneath the seat and said damn boys had to take out the cigarette. Candy, take it out it pays.
Speaker 2It pays to be this good my brother's like what you got there? 007, 007, chief, check it out fresh off the press. Everybody's like whoa, how'd you get that? You don't ask, you just enjoy. No, I didn't do all that, I just showed them. They're like whoa, how'd you get that? I was like I don't know, I found it, we played of that. As soon as we got home, click, click. Never got caught to this day, bro. Holy shit, ultimate heist, bro. Ultimate heist. What?
Speaker 1a heist bro.
Speaker 2Bro, I tell you my IQ was crazy, bro. I'm a big brain, bro. I've hit multiple licks like that before. I got different other stories. But enough of that, bro, enough of that, holy shit, I don't want to get 25 to life, all right. So what you got, bro, what you got Nothing now, nothing. After that, we said dumb criminals.
Speaker 1We said, dumb, not the most masterful plans ever created. See, all this gonna look like shit. Man sitting there, a kid, mind y'all. A kid got away with one of the biggest heists in history and it's here to tell the tale.
Speaker 2In the flesh.
Speaker 1Not like this next story 17-year-old dumb motherfucker in Omaha, nebraska. His name is Manga Manga. He decided to stick a gun in the face of a woman who was taking her son to school, demanding that she give him her car. Of course she obliged, and the boy was about to take off when he realized the car had a manual transmission which he was unable to drive. He tried to fumble around with the controls, but after moving the car only a matter of yards in a few minutes, he decided to bow on foot but was eventually called by authorities.
Speaker 1Damn bro All because he didn't know how to drive a manual. I remember that when I was younger that was one of my. I was like bro, I want to learn how to drive a manual.
Speaker 2At the age of five. At the age of five, bro, I want to learn how to drive a manual. Papa Caro Vroom.
Speaker 1Orita, rita, bro, because I think that was like. That's what everybody started saying, like as cars were becoming automatic and everything, it's like nobody's going to be able to drive manual. Nobody's going to be able to drive manual. Now, look at, 17-year-old. Wasn't able to drive manual, bro. Was not able to skate bro.
Speaker 2Damn. I heard something like that before too like happens constantly, bro.
Speaker 1They see the whole stick shit. What the fuck is this, hey? Why is it? Three pedals? Right, bro? To be fair, you, you know how to drive stick shit, don't you?
Speaker 2I'm not that good at it, but once I get going I'm good. It's just starting just starting, okay, okay I get my revs to uh clutch right or whatever okay, because if you don't do it right, then the whole car goes like it just jumps like that and they'll cut off on you.
Speaker 1Okay, yeah, that was my biggest fear also, because that's what Cheatham would say that if you don't do it right, your car would start turning off.
Childhood Theft Stories and Confessions
Speaker 2I mean, but you just cut it back on. Yeah, but it's just like there's nothing you can fuck up on the cage. There you go. That means it's not hard to fix, oh, okay, okay, you people tend to burn their clutches out okay, did you ever learn?
Speaker 1no, no, no, I didn't learn.
Speaker 2I'm about to learn tomorrow but I remember I didn't learn, but then my uncle, they had me driving big ass ford with the bobcat tied to the back, bruh, big ass, fucking trailer, fucking bobcat. I think we had the ding on there or some shit, or probably just the bobcat. Bro, I don't know how to drive a stick. She's like you got it me over and the freaking that thing would not grab the gears bros.
Speaker 1All you heard was oh damn, that's that noise, that's the, that's the one. Motherfuckers can't grab the yeah with that, because you're not changing it right, oh okay but they said that, said that they wouldn't grab one of the gears or whatever. Oh, so they already knew it.
Speaker 2Yeah, oh, okay, okay, it was already fucked up, so I'm over here. Oh, that's oh damn In the middle of the road, bro, whole green light Middle of the road. Yeah, like it was like midway through. I'm like, oh no, bro, that's where my anxiety started bro that's where I finally got my anxiety.
Speaker 2Oh, he's like, just relax, calm down. He's like you'll be all right. But I was okay. But I didn't feel like, relax, we're gonna die. No, we're gonna die, everybody's gonna hit us. So I'm like, fuck bro, I gotta hurry up and move. So my ass fucking stepped on. It hit, hit that clutch. I felt like Vin Diesel. I was gone, bro, damn.
Speaker 1You better make that shot. Damn bro, that man worked you under pressure. You gotta do it.
Speaker 2Yeah, you right, that shit was awful, bro. Let me tell you about this one Hope. You thought I was a genius. Check this genius out oh, lord this is called the identity crisis heist. All right. So this is michael harrell, 54 at the time. This is in cleveland, ohio. Criminal record minor offenses shoplifting, disorderly conduct but nothing major until now. So on august 2nd 2019, at at the US Bank branch in Cleveland, ohio, around 11 am, harold entered the bank Witness, including the teller, except there was a twist.
Speaker 1The demand note was written on the back of a document.
Speaker 2Harold found in his pocket. Ain't no way His own birth certificate had his full name, date of birth, social security printed on the paper.
Speaker 1Yo, what the fuck, oh my.
Speaker 2God. One witness was like a person in line there like I thought it was some kind of a prank who brings their birth certificate to rob a bank. Who carries it in his pocket um police, have the note as evidence or whatever. And on the note it said this is a robbery. Give me all your money, don't try nothing or I'll shoot.
Speaker 1Oh shit oh tight shit, oh shit, violent.
Speaker 2So the bank surveillance camera clearly showed harold handing over the note with the birth certificate visible on the back. According to the teller's written statement, she noticed the name of birthday right away and thought is this real life? This is his birth certificate. She gave him a small amount of money a standard tactic. A standard tactic to avoid violence and activated the silent alarm. Meanwhile, she discreetly copied his full name and birthday into the bank's internal incident system. Within minutes, the fbi violent crimes task force had his full identity thanks to his own paperwork.
Speaker 1Bro, what the fuck so.
Speaker 2CCTV footage shows that the bank's cameras captured his face clothing even the moment he handed the birth certificate. Note Footage showed him leisurely walking out. So investigators ran his name through their system, found his current address just a mile away from the bank. So by 3 pm the same day, harold was arrested at his home still wearing the same clothes seen in the footage. When asked why he used his birth certificate, harold reportedly said I just need a paper and grab what I had you didn't bother double check it like he had.
Speaker 2He used what he had, bro, he just like me. So in the surveillance video I mean they had like evidence inside the bank, outside the bank, the note, the statements, all that other shit. So when in court harold's public defender claimed he had mental issues and poor impulse control, nah he that's the same thing. I say that's what I have. That's what I had at that moment that took the game. My uh, god brother's's house had mental health issues and poor impulse control.
Speaker 1Whole five year old Motherfucker was crazy. I mean, is this a serial, serial thief, sociopath?
Speaker 2Sociopath. So prosecutors presented the birth certificate note as Exhibit A type shit. Exhibit A as Exhibit A type shit. Exhibit A Exhibit.
Speaker 1A is on the exhibit Birth certificate, bro.
Speaker 2You know that. Nah, you know that prosecutor had her field day with that. He's like damn, they make them easy nowadays. Huh, I'm about to get this quick 5K, real quick, real motherfuckers rubbing his head like a goddamn fly, bro, where y'all want to go eat at On me today. This is easy money right here for me. I'm about to close this case, bro. What the fuck? Open and shut case Lunch on me today, buffet Exhibit A. So the judge was reportedly visibly confused and amused, even joking. This may be the first time someone handed the police their identity before committing the crime. So the outcome? He got charged with federal bank robbery. His plea was guilty. He got 42 months in federal prison. He had a reduced sentence due to his cleanest record and nonviolent nature of his crime. The birth certificate itself is now archived in Cleveland FBI Evidence vault, reportedly used as a training tool for how not to commit a robbery.
Speaker 1How not to is crazy. He almost got away with it, bro, almost, bro, okay. So Joy Miller and Matthew McKinley Sorry, mcnally, these men will be behind likely the worst and least thought out disguise in history of crime. When committing their misdeed, they didn't use the mask, hoods or uh by the clavis typical of most criminals, but instead chose to wear uh, instead chose to draw on their faces with permanent markers. While they may have made them hard to recognize in the crime, permanent marker is, as uh the name suggests, notoriously hard to remove, which left them extremely easy to identify when the police were looking for the culprits. They even earned the nickname of Dumb and Dumber at the precinct.
Speaker 2Damn.
Speaker 1Motherfuckers.
Speaker 2Just put a sharpie on their face, bro, and then decided to go out there Me drawing glasses behind my glasses, just decided to go about their day like that, bro. All right, I got you right here. This one's called the 911 Self-1-1. Self-snitcher. Man calls cops to report his own stolen drugs hey, no way bro, go ahead, bro, you gotta make sure you don't lose your stuff, bro.
Speaker 2So march 2021, in hernando county, florida. The criminal was thomas eugene koluki, 41. So thomas called 9-1, called 911, saying he was scammed by his drug dealer, as one should do Report your local drug dealer. No, I'm just joking. So he wanted police to come test this meth because he was convinced it was actually.
Speaker 1Dapsal hey no way.
Speaker 2When deputies arrived, thomas handed them two baggies of the suspected meth and said I paid good money for this. I need to know if I got ripped off. Hey bro, field test confirmed it was meth. So not only did Thomas prove his dealer was honest, but also got himself arrested for possession. So they have body cam footage of him saying, of him saying I figured, if anybody knows real meth it's you guys.
Speaker 1Hey bro, what the fuck Bro bro? What the fuck Bro Bro? A little meth-y bro, bro, a little meth-y bro.
Speaker 2So obviously he got charged with possession of methamphetamine. He got sentenced to 18 months probation and mandatory drug counseling.
Speaker 1Now I play dumb. What you mean? What meth?
Speaker 2What meth?
Speaker 1The one you got, that's your meth? What are you talking about that ain?
Speaker 2my man, oh, did you see that one video of that dude who got like? I think he said he had to use the bathroom or some shit, or they like caught the police caught him in the bathroom what was it?
Speaker 2and he was like hold on, let me use the bathroom first or some shit. He had drugs like the police had. No, he had the drug in his hands and the police were trying to get and he was like no, no, he's like let me use the bathroom first and I'll give it to you after I use the bathroom. They let him go, he drops in the toilet, flushes it bruh In front of them, uh huh, and they're like no, and then the whole drugs just go. It might have been like A TV show type shit Cause there's no way that actually did happen, or maybe it did happen.
Speaker 1What kind of cops were they? Were they like American cops? Yeah, yeah, oh, american cops? Nah, I doubt bro.
Speaker 2I doubt it might have been off of that show or something.
Speaker 1But imagine, brother, you see the drugs yeah, I can't think of the camera like I can't think of cops actually letting you uh, you'd be surprised.
Speaker 2There's some. There is some dumb cops out there too though you're right, you're right oh, uh, officer deputy, uh doofy bro, right, right I got you one out here.
Speaker 1Uh, mark smith, breaking into homes can be uh, can be tiring work, but most criminals are smart enough to wait until they get home before taking a nap. Now, mark smith, though. In 2007, smith uh he was high on valium and also drunk at the time decided to break into a home, and, since he was likely feeling the effects of the drugs and alcohol he had consumed, he curled up for a nap in the homeowner's bed. He was awoken by the local police and sentenced to 18 months.
Speaker 2Damn bro, Old Goldilocks. Bro, Bro, let's leave it Bro.
Speaker 1How is it bro, old Goldilocks? It's that damn. But what would you do, though, bro? Imagine coming home? Dude just passed out in your bed, bro. Well, I guess, in fairness, you do call the cops, but Prank him bro. What the fuck? Prank him, john. Prank him.
Speaker 2John, stick your finger in his butt. I would have flipped the light switch. That would have flipped the bed around while he, like with the motion of it flipping around, he would have floated in the air, spun, landed on his stomach, the the ropes would have came tied themselves on his wrist, on his, on his. Got them, go go gadget. Um, oh beds, oh, quagmire room, bro. Then the bed start rotating like this the.
Speaker 1Uh, what is it called that ball? That the disco ball?
Speaker 1that's all the ones I had, bro okay, I got a couple more, just some short ones. Uh, I got cause smitted. In August 1995, a man in Berlin decided to rob a bank with a handgun. Now, this acted out like a pretty standard bank robbery until the tellers asked him do you need a bag? To which smith responded you're damn right, it's a real gun. This made it obvious to the tellers that the robber was deaf with this new realization. They sounded the alarm, which notified police with smith, uh, while smith was none the wiser, uh, so he got arrested and then he later sued the bank for apparently abusing his disability did he win?
Speaker 2no, he lost that damn damn bro before the saloon, bro.
Speaker 1So, okay, this is going to be the last one. In 2008, an 18-year-old named Ruben Zarate attempted to rob a muffler shop in Chicago. After demanding the money, he was told that most of the cash was stored in a safe that could be opened by the manager, who wasn't scheduled to come in until hours later. To have himself, to have himself save some troubles, that, I think, left his cell phone number for the store to call him back. Once the manager arrived, of course, the store first called police and then caused it out the back. When he came back and noticed the police were waiting for him, he engaged in a brief shootout with the cops before eventually being arrested. Damn, sounds like bro. Sounds like it's. It's always nice to leave your phone number when you're planning to come back. You know you know, at coming back.
Speaker 1At least he waited. You got to be patient. You got to be patient.
Speaker 2Right, y'all let us know any crazy or funny or dumb, criminal heists or dumb crimes that y'all know about. Let us know, message us and leave a comment on this episode or something. Y'all already know what time it is. That's enough of that. We're going to head on to the next segment.
Speaker 1The episode or something. You already know what time it is. That's enough of that. We're gonna head on to the next segment, the good old classic fear. Is it all in your mind, or could it be real welcome to fear fact or fiction? How? How would you describe this, though? How would you? Uh, well, let's just get into it.
Speaker 2That's not really much to yeah, we ain't gonna lead up into this, we're just gonna go ahead and dive into this thing so for this, this one, we got the back rooms.
Speaker 1Wait a minute. Oh fucking Christ, you're right. For this one we have the Hogsberry River Monster. My fault, no, you're good bro. So yeah, the Hogsberry River Monster, this time it's for Australia. It's a little monster for Australia, not really little, but Big monster.
Speaker 2Big monster for us, Big tings man.
Speaker 1So their reports are far back as the ancient art of the Darug tribal, the aborigines of Australia of a mysterious water monster. Legend calls them the mirilla or giant water serpent. The hogsberry river has produced reports of large reptilian or eel-like animals since at least as far back as 1924. There has also been sightings of this creature in the last decade. Sightings of the creature have been reported from weisman's ferry at the western end of the river eastward to the Broken Bay, brisbane waters expense at the river's mouth. So a popular story regarding this creature came to light in 1980 was a report by fishermen in a small aluminum boat that a sea creature surfaced below their boat, catapulting their vessel out of the water and through the air over three meters, and other reports, uh included boats found adrift with their acute occupants nowhere to be found, and boats found smashed or overturned damn bro.
Speaker 2I have a couple of uh physical descriptions of what some witnesses said.
Speaker 2It looked like yeah so witnesses said that thing measures like 7 to 24 meters, which is roughly like 20 to 80 feet. The shape was like a serpentine body, often described like a plezosaur or plesiosaur. Uh, a plebisaur. Um, it has a long neck, small head, powerful flippers. Uh, they say it's like dark, brown, gray or even green, slimy and scaly. Some reports mention whiskers. Others describe a crocodile-like snout with sharp teeth. So it's kind of like the Loch Ness Monster in Australia, sort of in a sense.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's what some of the reports were saying. That's like third version of the Loch Ness Monster.
Speaker 2Do you have any witness accounts or anything like that you do?
Speaker 1So in 1912, a story from the evening news was it the bunyip that concerns an alligator-like creature in South Creek, a tributary of the Hawksburg River in Winstead. He said that the creature seen by a boat party, a strange object swimming a short distance from them, about four feet in length and resembled an alligator. And then there have been reports of them a lot bigger than that. And god himself said he hasn't been able to establish any satisfactions that the reports or the bigger ones are genuine. So they're just thinking it's it can't get any bigger. But are genuine. So they're just thinking it's it can't get any bigger, but you know so it's just one as far as they know, it's just one.
Speaker 2I had some early settlers from the 1800s, it says. Some of the first recorded non-indigenous signings were by fishermen who claimed something large would strike their boats or steal caught fish from lines and nets. One account from the 1890s describes a large creature thrashing the water near wiseman's ferry, scaring off workers building a nearby bridge, and then in 1975 there were sightings. A famous account came from rex gilroy, a well-known australian cryptozoologist. He claimed to have interviewed several local fishermen and residents who reported seeing massive dark shapes gliding under their boats. So gilroy gilroy suggested the creature could be a surviving uh plesiosaur species or an unknown species of giant eel. But bro for it to be that long bro 20 to 80 feet.
Speaker 1No and then knocking boats over bro, that's outrageous, bro. You can't confuse that, bro, because they were saying it could be like an alligator.
Speaker 2There's no alligator freaking 20, 80 feet bro out in amazon.
Speaker 1They got them long ass snakes though but that's them snakes, though I don't think it live over here near uh, australia, australia, because, yeah, that's all.
Speaker 2That's all uh, I was just saying like there is like a big snake, though I could see where they probably like thinking. Something like that right it could probably be like a snake or something. But to flip boats over and shit, but it's a big. You never seen that video. Let me see if I can find it. Bro, you go ahead and give it. That's an actual video of it flipping. Oh, for real.
Speaker 1You go ahead and Okay, so in 1924, people were talking about seeing a Titanic, quotation marks, titanic seahorse. And there's a specific eyewitness report by uh. Wj Riley Well, along with his brother, saw this thing while walking along the terrace at mid. At midday. They saw something in the river beneath in a depot, healy said. He said he saw a big ugly thing, two, two feet, six inches to three feet in depth with with the length of about five to six feet and of yellowish or sandy color. Uh, whether the skin was wear down, uh, and they couldn't realize it was covered. Not, uh, we could not see. And they watched it for about 15 minutes. They had a square looking fish tail and they said it was just not a pleasant looking animal.
Speaker 2And uh, I should certainly not care to be in the water and have it after me. So I looked and I tried to see if there was any scientific evidence. So there's no physical evidence like bones, skin samples or clear photos have ever been found. Sonar scans of deeper parts of the river I mean, yeah, of the river have found unusual shapes, but nothing conclusively biological.
Speaker 2So it could probably be like a big ass tree trunk something down there, yeah, something yeah it says still, the combination of indigenous lore, historic accounts and modern sightings keeps the story alive, though, so there's not like yeah that's the same thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's the same thing. It was just word of mouth type type shit yeah it's more like the indigenous people that were there.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1The Durog people that I saw. They said they were the traditional custodians of the Hogsburg River and, just like you said, have long spoken of creatures dwelling in the waters, like I said earlier, known as the Marilla. Like I said again, translates to giant, uh water serpent. I got what some people were saying, that it uh. Well, I got some more incidents of it uh, of some other things that it did. Oh, what, what they think it was that okay so I got 1945.
Speaker 1Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. 1949 the bull snatching incident. A young couple in a rowing boat near Lowry Huxbury reported a truly extraordinary event. According to the account, they witnessed a large creature emerge from the water near a bull that was drinking from its creek flowing into the river. The creature, described as having a snake-like head on the end of a long neck, reportedly grabbed the bull and dragged it into the water. While this account might seem fantastical, it is worth noting that crocodiles have been known to prey on cattle in other parts of Australia. So that's just.
Speaker 2I mean, it makes sense because they got some big ass crocodiles.
Fear Factor: The Hogsberry River Monster
Speaker 1They do, yeah, they do big ass crocodiles, but I don't think you can confuse a crocodile with what they're describing, like what everybody else is describing well, they say it says green and scaly, I mean that's well, yeah, but they're saying it was like, uh, like with the long neck and stuff like that too, though yeah, I could see that, cause I mean, a crocodile does come out at it quick, but I feel like you know you live with crocodiles, tell the difference between uh, you know it was a crocodile or it was like some other creature.
Speaker 2You feel me? That's what I think. That's that. Yeah, I could see that. I could see that, bro. I saw that there was like a spiritual description of how the indigenous people viewed it okay. So they said the enormous serpent-like body it had like an uh, sorry, the form. It was an enormous serpent-like body, but not just flesh and blood. The mallly wonk I think that's how you say could shift between physical and spirit form making it invisible when it chose to be so.
Speaker 2They said it had glowing eyes, often seen under the water at dusk. They said its breath was said to cause mist to rise from the river, and anyone who saw this mist was warned to stay away from the water. And then they said the creature was believed to call out at night, making sounds that could range from low growl to a distant cry, often mistaken for a wind through the trees.
Speaker 2That's like the supernatural, yeah, aspect of it, yeah okay, all of that was just past, uh yeah, like word of mouth, word of mouth right stories like okay, don't go in the river because there's this big mythical beast so basically I would, with everything else that we covered before, right, it's just.
Speaker 1It's just a word of word of mouth type uh type of thing, damn yeah because they don't have no video proof of it they don't have no photos, at least not that I found.
Speaker 2Yeah, I mean, unless y'all know that there is something, y'all can send.
Speaker 1Excuse me, y'all can send it to us on the DM or something cause, as far as I know, they haven't caught anything like that or anything like that. Only thing I've seen is that they've seen like weird tracks on the on what is it called? On the banks and stuff like that. But I mean, that could be, that could be anything. It's usually people that say they've seen it and then they go check where it was and they just like say it was like weird tracks on their sand and whatnot. But apart from that, they I don't think they've had any attacks against actual people, though.
Speaker 1Right um like apart from apart the boats and stuff like that, but actually like coming onto land or yeah, I don't think so I haven't seen nothing right, because I would. I would say okay, so, because maybe if it's coming into onto the land or whatnot, okay, maybe it's a crocodile or something like that, because obviously a crocodile will go into the land or stuff, but everything just seems to be like in the water text. Right, maybe, but go ahead, man, go ahead what's your thoughts on it, then what do?
Speaker 1you think it could be, then I don't know what it could be, because what I also found, I found like a whole list of like scientific oh theories of what it could be, because what I also found I found like a whole list of like scientific oh theories of what it could possibly be.
Speaker 1Okay, not really what it could be, but just proving it, in a sense, just proving you were here, okay, before I make my final Final verdict Uh-huh, uh-huh, okay. So they just hitting us with that, which I think is like with any cryptid or anything like that, really Gaslighting Almost, in a sense. They're saying the lack of physical evidence. So, despite numerous reported sightings, there's no definitive physical evidence of the Hogsberry River Monster, like you said, no bones, no photographs, no DNA sample, nothing that will conclusively prove the existence of this creature, whatever it is.
Speaker 1Then the ecological impossibility the Hawkesbury River, while substantial, is not a vast unexplored wilderness. It is a relatively small ecosystem that has been extensively studied and utilized by humans for centuries. Skeptics that it, it's highly unlikely that a population of large unknown animals could exist in such a environment without leaving more tangible. But it's not saying there's a lot of animals. All the reports are saying that it's, it's just one. Because they never said like, oh, we see multiple, like we've seen, uh, you know, uh, a family of them attacking something. You know so, but still, but still, I mean, it makes sense. The order, like the ecosystem, everything, like you would see it as balancing other life forms. So there was something bigger out there, just, you know, messing with the ecosystem in a sense.
Speaker 1The other thing is the inconsistency of descriptions. While there are some common elements in the description of the monster, there are also significant variations. Skeptics argue that the inconsistency suggests that people are seeing different things and are interpreting them through the lens of monster's legend. I'll give them that If you go out there and you try to see something, you see something in the forest or something like that. I understand where you could be like, oh, I saw it, I saw it and it could just be, because that's what Like a tree floating in the river.
Speaker 2I was going to say I was going to say.
Speaker 1The whole thing with Nessie was that it was just the photo. You know how they have multiple photos, one they were saying whale penis yeah that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 2They said it was just like a whale penis.
Speaker 1And then the other one was it was just a branch that was floating in the or log, whatever that was floating or a beaver or some shit, some shit like that.
Speaker 2Yeah so, or maybe just me backstroking me, maybe just backstroking while stroking. I mean, damn a guy can't have a hobby anymore okay.
Speaker 1So then psychological factors, the power of suggestion and the human tendency to see patterns where none, none exist to explain many factors. The power of suggestion and the human tendency to see patterns were not non-exist to explain many signs. Once the idea of a monster in that river became part of local lore, people may have been more likely to interpret ambiguous sights or sounds as evidence of the creature and then, just uh, misidentification of known animals. So many signs could be explained by encounters with known species that have been misidentified or seen in unusual circumstances. Large eels, which can grow to impressive sizes, could account for some of the serpentine descriptions. Seals, which occasionally venture into the river from the ocean, might explain sightings of creatures with flippers, and then just simple optical illusions.
Speaker 1The interplay of light, water and natural debris can create surprising illusions. Partially submerged logs, for instance, can sometimes appear to move in ways that might be interpreted as movements of large animals. Cultural memory and storytelling the persistence of the Hawkesbury River monster legend might be better explained as a cultural phenomenon rather than a zoological one. Stories could serve important social and cultural functions for serving tradition, knowledge and reinforcing community identity. So, yes, just keep in, just tell the kids you know, don't go over there. The monster's going to get you shit like that, you know. So just want to put that out there.
Speaker 2What I think it is I don't really know what it is- I think, because I don't want to, I don't want to talk down on anybody's beliefs or anything like that but I feel like it could be something. But it could also just be like that. Like something that's just getting blown up.
Speaker 2OK because I mean, if you think about it like, like, for example, like back in the day, like, not like, for example, like people in Africa they see, like giraffes. Okay, for example, people in Africa they see giraffes. But say somebody from North America went to Africa, saw a giraffe and had to describe it to somebody. Okay, imagine you never knew what the giraffe was. Somebody comes up to you and was like imagine a 20-foot horse.
Speaker 2Right, that's crazy already 20-foot horse is crazy, With a long neck with the body of a horse, but it's like the neck was 10 feet tall itself and it had a short face of a weird creature and had like a long, super long tongue and it ate off the top of trees and its balls were like this big, you know like something like that.
Speaker 1I'd be like, well, he's smoking.
Speaker 2It's like, imagine like 10, like a 10 foot long legs or some shit like that. You know what I he's smoking, you hear me. It's like imagine like 10, like a 10 foot long legs or some shit like that. You know what I'm saying right, right, no, that's like going off a description would make you like, like, you would visualize this creature being like something like what the fuck they got over there and then you just see it's just a giraffe, like it's commonly known as a giraffe now right, you know, I'm saying yeah, yeah so, for example, like that would be something that they've seen and be like wow, it's a massive beast, but it's just a really bad, like really big freaky snake, right, a really big freaking crocodile, because you know things were pretty big, I'm sure, like back in the day yeah.
Speaker 2And especially of like oh, it's like competition.
Speaker 1That is a really good point. The back in the day thing Because, yeah, animals were bigger back in the day thing because yeah, animals were bigger back in the day, or at least they were left alone more because you wouldn't.
Speaker 2Be well, there was like things that we didn't know, like creatures that weren't extinct at the time right probably could have been something, but I don't know, bro, I mean, but then again it's the water. I mean, bro, we never know what.
Speaker 1What's well, I mean, they did say they did say they had like the, at least that like they do got it, it's explored, it's not like they don't know what's in there, like they. They're saying they know what's in there, like they know everything. That's like ecosystem-wise or anything or like anything like that. So that's why they were saying they couldn't. They couldn't support the disrupting, because that would like disrupt the whole ecosystem. Something like that you know it basically doesn't have a natural predator would disrupt the uh, the ecosystem and whatnot I don't know, bro, it wouldn't surprise me.
Speaker 1If there is, I would. I would like to say it's a plesiosaur, please, please. Uh, plesiosaur, right, I think that's what you say, I would like to think is is one of them I would like to.
Speaker 2I would like to maybe it be pretty cool, bro.
Speaker 1I'm not doubting that there's something in there, Right just for the thing, because I mean I really don't know. Okay, look, so it's not that, but it is something. Though it's got to be something, but something was attacking. I mean, it was attacking the bulls Apparently. It took a bull off land. I think an eel could do that well, I really don't know how big eels that go. They think, yeah, they do go on land. I know they do go on land, but I don't. I don't strong enough to take to bring down the bull.
Speaker 2No, I don't think it was a eel. It had to either be like a big crocodile right big snake or a fucking dinosaur, whole fucking spinosaurus right, whole whole dinosaur.
Speaker 1I I okay, I will give it. Maybe uh, are you rating it can?
Speaker 2we even rate it, yeah, yeah, like say, say hypothetically it is a beast, okay, one out of ten one out of ten just going off of what we information. We have.
Speaker 1But the the attacks that it didn't seem like they were crazy. It seemed like it knocked over, like it hit a boat, it raced the boat, that that was about it. I mean it obviously took away. Well, if it's, if the story is true, it took. It took a bull, but uh, well, I'll rate it. I'll rate it a five, five.
Speaker 2I'll give it like a. I'll give it like a, three like a three, yeah for the four. I mean because it's just in the water.
Speaker 1I mean just don't go in the water well, you're right, you're right, just don't go in the water but I mean then again, like I said, it could. No, you know you're right, because it will seem like it's too aggressive. Yeah, because there will be more. Yeah, that's the thing then you'd have kids disappearing.
Speaker 2I mean, you got like the fishermen disappearing, but then you'd have like way, I'm sure if there was cattle or something, you'd have way more reports of cattle being eaten, way more reports of like just a bit like coming in like you know, because kids are going to play in the rivers and whatnot. So you'd have more accounts of children being eaten, thus causing the village to be like let's go hunt this thing right, right, okay, you're right, you're right, you're right, I'd give it like a three bro I mean, I'm not I'm not dissing on anybody's uh beliefs or anything like that, but me personally, I just feel like it could be something but, there's not enough evidence, or or like it's just what's essential.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's not enough essential and uh, it's not. It's not a big, it's not a big, it's not a. It has a little bit of deja vu for me, it's not, you're right. No, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 2It's really not a big threat level out there yeah, you're right, this is like a three to me. It's scary, don't get me wrong, but it's just like yeah, big big.
Speaker 1Just another big river, another big thing in the water, where what we really need is jeremy kyle out there.
Speaker 2But that dude be fishing them uh oh, you're talking about a dude from river monster.
Speaker 1That's the dude, that'll catch it get that dude from river monster he'll catch that thing at first cast he caught everything right. You cannot tell me he ran out of fish.
Speaker 2He ran out of fish he ran out of shit to catch. Come on he really caught everything he could have caught an s if he wanted to, but y'all ain't want to give him that contract no, you're right, all right, all right, I'll bring my down.
Speaker 1I'll bring my down to a, to a two after that you know what?
Speaker 2I'll put mine out of one.
Speaker 1You know what no I'm just joking, but yeah, it's all. Yeah, like, like, yeah, you're right interesting concept, interesting belief, good story.
Speaker 2You know, I'm not saying it's fake or anything but it does have good little history to it with the indigenous, I mean that's that's what the uh like the scientific approach.
Speaker 1This is not enough evidence to actually like, uh, prove that it was just the, that, just that one creature.
Speaker 2You know I agree y'all. Let us know what y'all think, though let us know if y'all have any stories about this. Uh beast, have y'all seen it? What's it?
Speaker 1called again the hogsberry river must y'all, let us know.
Speaker 2If y'all know any information about it, let us know. If y'all have any stories or any uh beliefs or any um. You know stories that are passed down to y'all, or anything like that, let us know. We'd be pretty uh interested to hear about it. Or have you seen it yourself? Who am I to deny your your?
Speaker 1story, if y'all have a picture.
Speaker 2Send us the picture, but before let me show you the snake, bro, oh, that one.
Speaker 1You seen. It is though, yeah, I see that one bro, that thing, that movie in the condo, bro, that's how it was bro.
Speaker 2This literally the size it was bro. All right, so that's gonna be enough of that y'all. Let us know what y'all think. Like I said, sorry, um, on to the next subject, go ahead y'all now the real, now the real one, now the real one back.
Speaker 2That's right, the back door. You ever tried Back door A knoll? Huh, huh, huh, what you mean? The back door, the one, the one and only the good back door, the. Now, yeah, like Yaya said, this is about the back doors, no, the back rooms, the butt holes, the booty holes. We're talking about the booty holes. Go ahead, let them know what the back rooms is.
Speaker 1What are the back rooms you may ask? There are fictional endless mazes of empty rooms that are accessed by no clipping out of reality. The concept originated from a 2019 4chan post. Backrooms began with a simple image posted to 4chan. It depicted an underground windowless space. The image elicited a strong reaction from the internet. The original post didn't contain any information about when or where the picture was taken. Ever since then, the Backrooms has evolved, and Reverence was telling me that it was just 7 original. The picture was taken and ever since then, the Back Rooms has evolved, and Reverence was telling me that it was just seven original, nine original Back Rooms and that fans over the years have added more and more, so now it's like an endless wave.
Speaker 2It was like nine to ten core Back Rooms.
Speaker 1Core from the original. From the original oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 2But, like Gael said, you know, the Back Ro to 10 core, back room, core from the original, from the original, yeah, okay, okay. But um, like I just said, you know, the back rooms is essentially just a creepy pasta and urban legend type of thing. Uh, just describes like a liminal space. Just think of it like a as, just think of it as an infinite maze of empty rooms and hallways, usually lit by harsh fluorescent lights. You got that one room with the yellow wallpaper, the stained carpets and people said it just gives you that general feeling of dread and isolation I mean the original, the first, I mean like right, this just makes it like it gives you like for me.
Speaker 2It gives me like, a sense of nostalgia, but it gives me nostalgia, but I don't know from what right it gives me like, like I've been there, type shit but.
The Back Rooms: Exploring the Infinite Maze
Speaker 1But I but like, but I don't know from what Right it gives me like a I've been there type shit Right, but I don't remember like being there or have we escaped.
Speaker 2I've been in the back room, have we? You've been in my back door? What happened?
Speaker 1You've been in my back.
Speaker 2We've been at each other's back door. Like I said, the original photo was a yellow, dingy office space, empty with buzzing fluorescent lights and endless hallways. It's unsettling vibe comes from being a liminal space. It's a. It's just like a. It was just like an empty office building right yeah, or they have some that's like an abandoned mall, a school hallway. They have like ones where it's just like pipes everywhere, type of thing but there's like the whole.
Speaker 1you can say it pipes everywhere, type of thing, but there's like the whole. You can say levels. There's like different levels, right, yeah.
Speaker 2So there's countless floors or levels, whatever you want to call them, and, like we said, the original one was level zero, or some people call it the yellow rooms. But due to like it, gaining so much traction and so much people liking the feeling and liking the aesthetic of it and everything, they started adding their own things, like we said. So what you got, though?
Speaker 1So, yeah, I don't got any of the core ones, but you can tell people like. Yeah, I got level 94. So it's called Motion, it's categorized as unsafe, unsecured, with a low entity count. Oh, that's the other thing too. So in these rooms too they got uh, they got creatures and stuff like that. But we're not gonna talk about that this one, we're gonna talk about it on the oh yeah, this is gonna be a two-parter yeah, yeah, two.
Speaker 1This is gonna be a two-parter, so this one we're just gonna be covering, uh, just the rooms, just the rooms and what they, what they got going on inside the rooms. So level 94 is a 95th level of the back rooms. I didn't understand that, but now that you said the first one's level 0, so that makes sense now. So level 94 appears to be a large town, a floating castle and grass hills where everything has a grainy effect as if this place was crafted. The main town is safe, with no entities during the day. This town has a big water fountain in the center, flown with almond water, so just just what almond water is. So they got like their own little uh items like items and loot inside the room.
Speaker 1so almond water is like, uh, they were saying it was you need that, uh, uh, what do they call it? Explorer? So if you go in there, you're explorer. So you need a, you need sustenance. So almond water is like their sustenance. They were saying it's like 600 calories, almost like a full meal just for drinking the bottles. But yeah, it's basically what it looks like. It's just like a Stanley Cup looking thing, okay, and it's like dented and whatnot. But apparently you can find them through every room and they're pretty. They're just like your resources that you can find at least to stay alive in the rooms.
Speaker 1This town seems to be in the 1930s in a stop motion type feel. This town has tiny houses with some furniture, mostly in the 1930s to 1950s. The town also has 1930s style cars and milk vans filled with almond milk. It has siren poles which time to time play happy cartoony music. At this time everything is safe. Until it turns night the music will stop completely and at this time the entity known as Animations will start to appear and will tag if spotted. You gotta survive. You gotta either get out of there before nighttime hits, because it changes the whole whole thing.
Speaker 2But you said, there's like homes there, is there houses, yeah? There's houses, yeah there's houses you can't hide. Inside the house you can hide.
Speaker 1Oh yeah, you house you go or where you hide into. That would take you to other back rooms. Oh shit, and there's, uh, there's a way to get out. I'll get to that. There's a way to get out, but there's also from other back rooms that could lead you into that, into that one.
Speaker 1So some of them connect um. Other entities appear in the night are smilers, skin stealers, hounds and, uh, death mods. There's also death rats, uh, which they have evolved to look like a normal rat in this stop motion. Look, because the animations will usually attack anything that does not look animated. Grass hills of level 94 usually go on forever and is infinite. The only thing there are a few strange cars parked in the middle of nowhere, in the water tower, which seem to contain almond water. What is strange about the hills is that random sets of furniture and even entire single rooms of a house can be found, or sometimes it's just a wall with furniture next to it. Above the hills you will see a floating castle and what looks like a transparent mountain. So the castle is a transparent mountain. So this is kind of how you escape. You got to kind of defeat the little boss in there or something.
Speaker 2Oh shit.
Speaker 1To get out. Level 94 can be really trippy for the human mind, so bring some almond water. This area, for some reason, will lose its cartoony effects on photos, which possibly mean this level is losing its effect in the castle. The castle appears to be in a strange funhouse area and is very bright. In some rooms. You can find ball pits, playground playgrounds and an animation studio with a miniature replica of the town and its entities.
Speaker 1In this castle, the only entities that can appear are what we call roboman. Their appearance is an old style style robot toy from the 1930s. In animation form they seem to be the guards of the castle and are hostile if they spot you interacting with any objects in the castle. After wandering through the castle, which also seems to be infinite, you will soon find a large doorway that will lead to the throne room. In this room you will find the entity known as the Animated King. At first it doesn't seem hostile, but will in fact control you and you can soon become a part of the animations. In fact, control you and you can soon become a part of the animations, I'm sorry, and you can soon become a part of the animations, but he will at first put you through a test of withstanding your own nightmares in an animated form. If you happen to succeed, he will let you out of Burst of Light and you will either be sent out of the castle to the town or one of the main levels. So that's how you.
Speaker 2Damn. So what if he send you back to the town? You just got to go back again. Then you got to go back again, damn bro, and you stopped Remember.
Speaker 1And you can't die, and you can't die. What do you mean? You can't die, you can't be caught with the little animations, by the little animations. They kill you instantly. You got to start all over again.
Speaker 2Oh shit. Okay, I mean I got a little bit, but this is like floor zero. So this is the lobby for the classic back rooms. So this is obviously the most iconic back room level. It's what people picture first. It's endless interconnected yellow rooms, musty carpet, buzzing fluorescent lights. Like I said before, smells weird. Smells weird like mold, damp carpet. You know, you hear that like the light flicker.
Speaker 1Bro, it's such a I'm saying bro it has that feeling to it, like I've been there bro, like I've waited in that office or something bro, like I can feel it, bro it's all in our mind, right?
Speaker 2So what people do here? Most wander aimlessly trying to map it, which is impossible because the rooms shift. Survivors might leave notes for others or try to mark rooms, but markings can vanish, oh shit. Some try to find supplies, water leaks, scraps, but most just focus on escaping. So how to escape this room? It's no guaranteed method, but some exits reportedly appear in dead ends or you might no clip further down if you touch a wall in the right spot. Others claim escaping requires total mental calm, as panic makes you more stuck. Rumors of windows that show the real world real world, but they could be traps. So there's a little secrets or tips about it. The humming of the lights can mask entity footsteps they say stay away from rooms with unnatural silence.
Speaker 2Something's wrong if the hum stops. So it says. Entities are rare in level zero. But isolation is its own enemy.
Speaker 1Oh, it's like being by myself and shit.
Speaker 2It makes people go crazy or whatever.
Speaker 1I believe it, bro, With that bus and with that yellow room bro.
Speaker 2Fuck that, bro, what you got though you got another.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm going to give you just. No, you go, I'm going to give you a little bit more. I didn't see this. So the entrances and exits to how to get out of level 94.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 1So to enter, you must be in level 601 and successfully escape and make your way to the hub. Once there, a rectangular-shaped hole will appear on the ground in a random area of the hub and will close very soon after entering, but slowly. To exit, you must either complete the Animated King's Trial and get to a random main level, or some houses will lead to level 7, level 9, and level 53. I think you just gotta search for them. Just search the trial. This other one does give you details on which specific ones? But there's an organization there called the MAG. I had the notes on what it's. Give me a second.
Speaker 2Oh, this is kind of like a squad that went in there. Yeah, they go in there, yeah, they go investigate.
Speaker 1Yeah, that's basically what it is.
Speaker 2To try and map out or learn about it. There you go. Yeah, that's the one?
Speaker 1Yeah, that's the one, but so I'm going to give you level 41. Level 41 is a bubbling, oozing, inflaming asphalt tar pit surrounded by charcoal black deserts, held in a perpetual grain fall that masks most of the environment. It's tar, despite having been sitting in place for presumably hundreds, if not thousands, of years, never loses any heat, nor does it ever lose any of its intense reactivity with the air Never loses any heat, nor does it ever lose any of its intense reactivity with the air. Acting as if it's fresh, the tar boils at a consistent 95 degrees Celsius with its high temperature. I don't know why I said Celsius. I need freedom units over here, coupled with pungent and intoxicating fumes being quick to intoxicate wanderers who arrive at this level.
Speaker 1Elongated proximity to this tar can frequently lead to fainting, illness or vomiting from any combination of the two effects.
Speaker 1Furthermore, physical touch with this tar, even without direct skin contact, can cause burns and boils to quickly accumulate on one's flesh. Prolonged physical proximity, especially for any for any time over a second, can cause skin and flesh to melt, graft to other materials or even become fused with the surface layer of the tar itself. The depth of the tar itself is remarkably shallow, which allows for a geography of hot, charcoal colored sands to periodically pierce through the surface of the tar and for small patchy islands and various spread of clusters. The sand of these lands masses are exponentially hot. It should not be stood on while stationary for long periods of time. While these sands possess no other details safe for occasional animal bones or dried and wither sticks of long dead bushes, they are imperative for survival as they are only of two safe methods of traversing level 41, the other of which being the piers so you can actually uh climb on top of that thing just and travel around the uh, the uh, the tar and whatnot.
Speaker 1For more safe way of travel across the tar pit, individuals can instead walk along the various bridges and piers that are raised above or, oftentimes, sucking within the tar uh. The supports of these bridges are made of concrete or metal, with the wooden construction that makes up the rest of the legs as well as the walkway areas. These walkways do not connect to the islands directly, as the platforms are elevated to heights everywhere from 2 to 6 meters from the ground. Over time, some of the more dry wooden insulate war walks has caught fire from bubbles erupting within the tar, so just not a good experience. All throughout the uh, everything just uh burned up and shit okay uh does it say how to get out of?
Speaker 1there, yeah, so, uh, it's finding. The other constructs that can appear submerged within the tar are as follows. So you can see, telegraph poles, small power ponds, tower roofs or what can soon be bungalows, metal rods, flat roofs, flat roofs or brick houses. How to get out?
Speaker 2Well, I'm going to tell you a little bit more how to travel. You got it bro.
Speaker 1Individuals who survive as voluntary intoxicated fumes will usually exit the level with burn marks, cuts or charred soles of their shoes. In fact, many unfortunate travelers who wind up at level 41 often get marooned on small islands that are so disconnected from other landmasses, boardwalks or level exits that they inevitably dehydrate or become poisoned by the tar's fumes. Despite these failures and unfortunate happenings, however, successful expeditions across this level have been previously accomplished by other groups, which is what has brought much of the currently known information to light. Despite all that has been understood about this level, one Lumen Mystery still overlooks the entirety of the currently written documentation surrounding the Circular Lake Restau sandy dunes that extend upwards for approximately 15 meters before presumably tapering down the other side and going out of sight. Despite efforts, it is impossible to reach anywhere closer than 50 meters of the dunes due to all traversable objects not fixed and not existing at any distance beyond that figure it's. Walking over the tarn is impossible and imported materials is just as impractical. The hopes of ever reaching these dunes have been deemed as impossible, so I was going to touch on this. Uh, just a small, just a creature that they have. It's a eel-like entities that reside within the tar. So these creatures like any form of flesh, muscle, skin or other organs and simply resemble partially fossilized bones, which resemble an odd three-way cross between a snake and the eel. But I'm gonna get to those. Uh, I got more details on the uh for those later. Okay.
Speaker 1So entrances and exits uh, within level five's border room, tar can occasionally drip on the interconnected piping instead of almond water standing overhead. These dripping tars will teleport oneself to level 41 another way. So occasionally level six is pitch black. Was walls may feel slimy and gooey instead of their usual featureless, smooth texture. Getting too much of this substance on one's hands will trigger travel to this level.
Speaker 1Uh, the location of these anomalous walls are not locked to one location. Seem to move from area to area. Wherever wall is is located by a wanderer. Inside of Level 7's house, underneath a submerged carpet on the floor, is a crack in the floorboards filled with half-tar, half-water substance. Interacting with the substance will bring one to Level 41. Entering a singular tar pit on an island of Level 211 and fully submerging oneself within it will drop individuals into this level. Following any of the rivers in level 270 for long enough will eventually turn the rivers into a sickening black hue. Entering the rivers after this change occurs will cause individuals to end up here. No clipping through any tar-covered or overly rotten trees that still possesses leaves in level 309 will place Wanderers on the slip.
Speaker 2Damn bro, that thing got multiple entrances bro. Yeah, it got a lot bro.
Speaker 1So these are all the exits.
Speaker 1So to exit level 41, we'll have to find standout objects that are unique from the other submerged items within the tar, from the other submerged items within the tar.
Speaker 1To get to level 500, clambering inside the broken window of a submerged bridge for a usa naval navy vessel, uh, also, somehow getting getting oneself into the booster nozzle of an upside down nasa space shuttle, since it's submerged, you know, you just got to get into the, into the booster section and then so most of the shuttles in question is submerged within the tar, only leaving a slight portion of the fuel, cancer, cancers, the boosters and the booster nozzle in question. This makes eat, makes access to them relatively easy. So to get level 612, finding all an odd barn door on the stone planet and going through it. And level 626, climbing an odd barn door on the stone planet and going through it. And level 626, climbing into a submerged lighthouse gallery only partially held above the surface of the tar, then tampering with a functional flickering beacon within it. Yeah, so that's, that's all the ones for this place damn bro, that's a lot for that place, right it's a huge place bro it ain't nothing but despair, bro.
Speaker 1Like I said, bro, some explorers die, bro, they just get bad spawns, bro, and literally just get lost.
Speaker 2Just get lost, bro. I want to know what I'd do if I was on that floor, bro. That floor bro Hopefully not be on one of them. Little small islands, or whatever they call them.
Speaker 1Because you really can't travel. You need one of them little islands you travel through, otherwise you're stuck wherever spot you land, one of the worst ones. Really my fault.
Speaker 2Go ahead, no, you're good, this is level one. This is called the habitable zone. What it is? It's an industrial concrete and metal hallways. There's dim lighting, exposed pipes and constant water dripping, they say. The air quality it smells like damp, has like a metallic burnt smell there, or whatever. What people do there? They search for supply crates which randomly appear containing essentials like water, canned food, even weapons sometimes. Oh shit, people tend to form small groups, though it's rare, but there's also entities that appear more often there, like okay, this level, that's a good so it's best to have a group.
Speaker 2That way, the more numbers you have, the better your chance of survival. But also this floor is also where wanderers set up semi-permanent survival camps okay, so that's like. Oh, so you can camp at these, uh, like some people do tend to do camp.
Speaker 2Some people do tend to camp, like if it's safe enough for them. So how to escape from level one? So what you do is you follow the pipes that run upward. They often lead to stairwells or access latches I mean hatches to level two. Some doors look like regular maintenance doors but might no clip you somewhere else oh shit, now I was gonna ask you what, what is?
Speaker 1because I've seen it like. What is that?
Speaker 2no clipping thing it's just like video games. It's just like, it's literally just like a no clip when you're getting a bad spot in the game and then you end up falling through the floor and then you could like see above.
Speaker 1So that's all you're doing, but like purposely, you purposely trying, oh okay, okay well some people do it purposely.
Speaker 2Some people do it because Fuck.
Speaker 1I'm going to need for everything Me.
Speaker 2People say I'm using aimbot People say I'm doing glitches. I just so happened to auto aim on you. I knew you were peeking. This random red box appeared out of nowhere.
Speaker 1I didn't know that was you Not the random red box?
Speaker 2I thought it was a perk, but there's some secrets and tips. Uh, they said some crates are booby trapped. They might have explosive. It might be a bait for entities to like try and get you. So be sure to inspect them before you open them. And it says entities are often mimic, mimicking human voices so trust only the people that you can see, don't trust the voice like around the corner, like, hey, come help.
Speaker 2Unless it's me, then come help me I'm not saying no and it also said the floors can flood suddenly, so stay near higher ground. What the fuck? Yeah, bro, flood.
Speaker 1Yeah, the flood bro flood nah, just swim, just swim, dummies, god nah bro that's it for floor one level one for floor one.
Speaker 2Whatever y'all want to fucking call right um, I only had these.
Speaker 1Uh, oh, you only have those. Oh shit, I got all these.
Speaker 2No you're good, all right, let me tell you all these then, real quick. Well, I'll give it to yaya, I'll tell one and then I'll let you do another one so this is floor level two.
Speaker 2This is called pipe dreams. So what? It is? Narrow corridors, walls covered in hot steaming pipes, the air is humid, filled with hissing steam. It's uncomfortably hot. Heat stroke is a real danger. People tend to move through this area fast. Lingering is deadly. Some wanderers often modify their clothes for heat protection so you can gather water from leaking pipes, but some leaks are like scolding or scalding hot.
Speaker 1Yeah, really fucking hot. So they said gotta put some ice cubes on it.
Speaker 2Bro, right, all you gotta do, come on man all you gotta do just blow on it, silly goose. Uh, so what people do to escape is, they said, there's crawl spaces and maintenance hatches often lead to level three or level four and then you can find the cool pipe. A single cold pipe hidden somewhere might be a shortcut to a different area. So a little bit of secrets and tips about this. They said you could touch the pipes carefully. Some surfaces can burn skin instantly off and entities here are adapted to heat. They move fast in tight spaces. And they said, a rhythm arithmetic, a rhythmic metal banging sound sometimes leads to an exit but also might attract the tension of the entity oh, okay like I guess like you bang, yeah, you bang it, yeah, you bang it yeah yeah, so
Speaker 1you can find the exit that way hang on, that's that, that's the way it's all right there, right abandoned office. So looks like a regular empty 1980s office with desks, chairs, computers and sometimes working vending machines uh, sometimes stocked.
Speaker 2So it's you, you got, you got to take it out of the stock if it's not you just hit the machine, push all the buttons, take everything right.
Speaker 1I'll take it you with no one Right, so air feels stale, like no one's been there for decades. But so, people, what they do here is they like to rest, they resupply and they map more rooms and whatnot. Check vending machines. Some dispense edible items, others dispense nonsense like pepper clips. Hey, you can't go wrong with some pepper clips. You can't, you can't unlock a door with a pepper clip right you can.
Speaker 2I can unlock a door with a pepper clip.
Speaker 1he can unlock a door with a pepper clip. Uh, they try to access computers. Some contain data bums and other pointhubcom baby. Instantly, instantly, I'll be a whole Randy Marsh Moment moment. My fingers touch that keyboard P-O-R-R-N, click, click, click, click, click. Right, I'm clicking on that shit.
Speaker 2What is it Chinese girls throwing up in your jersey?
Speaker 1I'm looking at the craziest shit on it. So how do you escape? So the emergency stairwell sometimes leads to level five, sometimes back to level one, rarely and never better works, but it may stop on unlisted levels. So secrets and tips If your phone rings do not answer, my dumb ass out of habit would answer yeah, hello, you have seven days. No, no wrong number. So this is Patrick. So if your phone rings do not answer, rumor to cause memory wipes or attract entities. Computers showing static are bad signs. Something's nearby. And this is one of the safest levels. But don't get too comfortable.
Speaker 2That's the end of that one, that one actually doesn't sound too bad, not too crazy that one sounds better than the fucking habitable zone at level one.
Speaker 1Right With the floods and shit. That one low-key that was not that bad. That one gave me. With the phone call, though I will be the dumbest that one gave me with that one, bro, If it rings too much, I like sometimes I'll be riding with friends and whatnot and don't put the seatbelts on so that beeping just be annoying and sad to me. Same thing with the phone. My mom used to yell when the phone kept ringing. Nobody would pick it up. That's engraved in my skull, bro.
Speaker 2Got to pick up that phone, bro, Well if you pick it up, it's going to wipe your memory, though what if we pick it up but don't answer it? Just pick it up like that Damn.
Speaker 1Hey, that's how I'll be blocking when they be back down, right you?
Speaker 2just click the button, click the thing, click Now. You just pick up the phone and you hear the thing on the other side. You have seven days and usually people start screaming or whatever, and it's just like hello.
Speaker 1Is anyone there? Usually people tend to scream by this point when I tell them they have seven days.
Speaker 2Is anybody there?
Speaker 1Just fucking ignore.
Speaker 2Seriously, ben seriously, on a Monday I knew I should have fucking called off. Today I read my horoscope. My horoscope told me today you will have difficulties, but you must face them with an open mind.
Speaker 1I am not built for this. I cannot do this today. You can't have a whole entity crash out, man, you can walk around the corner, y'all not picking up the phone, huh.
Speaker 2You know what? Go down the hallway, take a left, you get out of here. Just don't come back.
Speaker 1They don't like it.
Speaker 2Hey, you have entities, get out, get out it, just like scene change. You just see the entity like in slippers, has the towel on their head, have a whole robe. Goes home TV turned on with just static. This again. Seriously, they always air the same show. Marsha, did you? Marsha, did you pay the TV bill, gosh? Let me just get back On the phone calls. I'm usually more it's prank call.
Speaker 1It's prank. Call Hulk crash. Is your fridge running? Yeah, we should go catch it.
Speaker 2Steve is that you. Jesus, steve Hulk, comedians out here.
Speaker 1Hulk comedians, hulk comedians.
Speaker 2We should, we should do the animation for this. Who else makes a skit like this? Off the rip, right. So this is going to be level six. It's called Lights Out, so this one's pure darkness, no natural or artificial light. Floors and walls feel smooth but damp. So sound echoes far but too much for the space size. That's pretty creepy right there.
Speaker 1Not even that, but like the damp walls right that was I can't.
Speaker 2So what people do here? They try to move silently filling walls. To navigate, use sound clues like dripping water, air currents or even distant footsteps. Most either panic and die or learn to see using sounds.
Speaker 1See you sound whole echolocation, right, hold back, hold tough, that's what tough was doing. Oh, right, right, that is what she was doing. Right, she felt vibrations right, yeah that's all you can see. Yeah, that should be crazy, but imagine unlocking a whole new uh ability because you're in the back rooms, bro, you can see with sound.
Speaker 2Bro, you can see with sound you get no clip with the blind person.
Speaker 1I can't see shit.
Speaker 2Welcome to my world. I can see everything here, though. Watch out to your left there's a wall. Boom, amateurs, first time hunt. The worst part, bro, you gotta touch the walls.
Speaker 1To navigate, you gotta touch the walls the blind person.
Speaker 2Why the fuck are you rubbing the walls? How does he know I can see you, I can feel your vibrations. Right, I can feel your vibrations, oh fuck. So they say how to escape. Crawling through tight ducts or following faint drafts can lead to level seven. And they said there's rare floating lights that might lead to exits or traps. So beware of that. A little bit of secrets or tips. You know light sources do not work. The darkness here isn't natural. Entities here are mostly blind, but their hearing is sharp. It said hold your breath If something passes nearby.
Speaker 1Even breathing can give you away, nah, but see, see, that's what I can't do, because it depends who I'm with. I'm going to bust out laughing, bro. I can't be quiet in serious situations bro.
Speaker 2Imagine, bro, pitch black, is you me? Let's just say Jerooney. Let's say Sammy, we're walking, everything's pitch black. We're all like fuck, I can't see shit. All you hear is who the fuck passing gas down here. It smell like shit, man. You just hear Anthony.
Speaker 1Bro, that's the crazy part. You're just going to hear it all around you. Bro, Took the whole fart in Nah, bro, I'll swallow. Oh, here's Then you just hear in the distance, fart in.
Speaker 2Nah, bro, I'll start, I'll swallow.
Speaker 1Oh, here's, I'm looking at you. Then you just hear in the distance.
Speaker 2ah, I can't help but laugh. Who the fuck got?
Speaker 1clipped.
Speaker 2Nah, if I hear somebody screaming, somebody getting taken, they coming for me days, bro, for shits and giggles bro. I hear somebody getting yanked off in the distance. I'm like Could never be me. Like you said, cortana record that, nah bro.
Episode Conclusion and Social Media Info
Speaker 1I can't do it bro. I can't do it bro. I mean, it's already the fact. You can't see, you can't see already right.
Speaker 2You can't see it smells like damp in there.
Speaker 1It smells like damp, the walls are wet, which I fucking hate. That's like my. I fucking hate that already. And then you got to hold your breath as a creature. That I can't see that I can't see going to walk by me. Nah, old boy, it's a wrap for me bro.
Speaker 2It's a wrap for me, somebody going to have to just laugh and run. Bro, you've got to become the entity.
Speaker 1I'm going to start chasing the entity, the laughing man.
Speaker 2Yo hold up Become the entity.
Speaker 1You become the entity.
Speaker 2Hold on? I don't know, but that was the last one I have.
Speaker 1Okay, that's it.
Speaker 2I mean there's plenty more. I mean obviously. Obviously the final tip if you do happen to be in these back rooms, make sure you have water, sharp weapon, earplugs, notebook and pen, rope or chalk.
Speaker 1Okay, Okay. But then it says some of the rooms erase the uh, erase the markers though.
Speaker 2Yeah, erase the markers though. Yeah, some of the rooms, not all the rooms, though fuck.
Speaker 1How will you know?
Speaker 2you just come back to the market for shits and giggles in the, in the pure dark room. I'll just write don't go this way just for shits and giggles got a whole penis in the dark. It's like the tips over here.
Speaker 1The balls are like all the way down here that old man, that old man that can't see who the fuck you this?
Speaker 2oh, the one that reads brown. So there's an interesting marking right here. Don't go. Don't go in here, don't go this way. Did somebody draw a penis? Jesus, the balls are all the way down here. Oh, goofballs. But now that's gonna end this episode. Like we said, this is gonna be a two-parter. The next episode we're gonna talk about the back rooms and we're gonna talk more about the entities that you can encounter on the floors maybe a little bit about, like you said, the meg or like the people that the organizations.
Speaker 1I see there's another organization in there too.
Speaker 2Yeah, we're gonna talk about them, maybe Organizations I see there's another organization in there too. Yeah, we're going to talk about them. Maybe give some stories or accounts, or maybe like give like real life glitches that people have had.
Speaker 1Okay, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2Okay, weird glitches. Like somebody like I swear, I walked into this back room and then Something weird happened. It might not be true, but it's pretty cool, okay, okay.
Speaker 1Okay, something weird happened. It might not be true, but it's pretty cool. Okay, okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2But yeah, that's going to end off this episode, Like we said, thank you for listening. Thank you all for tuning in. You know we appreciate all the love and support y'all give us. Like I always say, thank you all so much. Shout out to the person that followed us on Instagram. What's his name? Flat, the. What's his name? Flat, the. Oh, the dude you told me about. Yeah, I'm going to give him a shout out. Let me look up his podcast real quick.
Speaker 1The Flat Tire Endies Ride With Me. Is that what it was? Flat?
Speaker 2Flat Tire Endies right. Yeah, Go ahead, give him the shout out, yeah.
Speaker 1Well, this one right Big shout out, Five big moves to Flat Tire Andy's Ride With Me. Podcast Reverend said they just added us recently. Are they just starting off? No, they've been having it for a while.
Speaker 2But I thought their thing was pretty cool. I'm about to check out their podcast, but if y'all want to go check out another podcast, you know, go check out Flat Tire Andy's Ride With Me podcast on Spotify. I don't know if they have it on Apple or anything, but I know they have Spotify. But yeah, they added us, you know. So shout out to you, Andy. I think that's your name, I'm not too sure. Sorry, but thank you for following us. You know, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2Hopefully maybe we'll do like a collaboration or something someday, I don't know how we'll do that because you know I don't know how we'll do that because you know it says right here they're out of like La Puente, oh yeah, out of Cali, out of. California. We're all the way over here in North Cackalacka. Right, we're over here in the Carolinas, out in the cut.
Speaker 1Out in the big cut.
Speaker 2Out in the east-west, but it's still the south.
Speaker 1Ties to that.
Speaker 2A little bit up north. Yeah, a little bit up north that's how it is.
Speaker 1You know what north carolina is such an eastern state.
Speaker 2But such a southern state, yeah like we wear that south with pride, like texas does, minus the 10 gallon hat right, man's the 10 gallon hats.
Speaker 2It's five gallons over here right, it's five gallons, um, but, like I said, thank you so much. Thank you again for all the follow and everything. Uh, shout out to all the people who are listening. Thank you for the people that like reoccurring listeners, you know Big. Shout out to my girlfriend for listening to the episodes, you know. Thank you so much for catching up. Shout out to my cousin, pepe, for always listening. Shout out to anybody that has been listening that I don't know who has continued to listen.
Speaker 1Right.
Speaker 2Oh like.
Speaker 1Sammy for example.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, but you know, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Cosmic Cove that's K-O-S-M-I-C, underscore C-O-V-E. Don't forget to follow us on YouTube at K-O-S-M-I-C space C-O-V-E. Don't forget to follow us on TikTok at K-O-S-M-I-C, underscore C-O-V-E. Y'all know, y'all be sure to go like, subscribe, follow, share our TikToks. You know, follow, subscribe to us on YouTube, share us to your friends or whatever. You know, maybe y'all like talking about this type of stuff. You know, we'd really appreciate it. It'd help us grow more, and you know, and help us, uh, you know, get, get uh, get out there, yeah get out there and have a little community where we can all talk about this.
Speaker 2Uh, pretty cool and interesting stuff and just like shoot the shit with each other and stuff like that, but, um, I'm passing off to yayo. You have anything that you need to say?
Speaker 1no, I just want to give uh. Thanks to sam and jerry. They've been listening. They really liked uh well, did they yeah, they've been liking last episode, uh, every episode, but especially the last episode. They liked it a lot, um, but yeah, just a shout out to them, uh, yeah that'll be it all right.
Speaker 2So I guess that's gonna end off on this episode. We'll catch on the next one.
Speaker 1So peace, peace.
