He Had No Home, No License & One Canvas. This Changed Everything. | Yves Santana | The Creative Odyssey Podcast

Black artist. Creative identity. Finding purpose through pain.

Cleveland visual artist Yves Santana joins host Sheran Ranasinghe on The Creative Odyssey Podcast for one of the most honest conversations about the creative journey we have ever recorded.

He was driving himself to school without a license. His mom was working three jobs. And in the middle of all of it — he made a painting that told his whole story before he even understood what he was living through. This is Yves Santana. And this conversation will stay with you.

In this episode, Sheran sits down with Yves to explore what it actually costs to become a creative — and what it means to finally give yourself permission to. Yves grew up navigating two worlds at once: a high-achieving school where he was one of a handful of Black students, and a home life that included two years of housing instability while his mother worked three jobs to hold things together. Through all of it, he kept drawing. He didn't know yet that his art was documenting everything he hadn't found words for.

This episode goes deep on creativity as survival, identity formation under pressure, the weight of stability when you have never had it, what it means to take your art seriously when the world hasn't made room for it, and how community can change the entire trajectory of a life.

If you have ever felt like you don't fully belong anywhere — or like the one place you can finally breathe is when you are in the middle of making something — this one is for you.

Topics covered in this episode:

• Growing up between two contrasting worlds in Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
• Quitting varsity basketball and choosing art instead
• How Basquiat became a creative lifeline
• Making a painting that depicted his life before he understood it
• Depression after high school graduation and what pulled him out
• Building community at Future Ink Graphics in Cleveland
• What creativity really is — and why it is more than a skill
• Advice for anyone who feels stuck or lost

About Yves Santana: Yves is a Cleveland-based visual artist and studio art student whose work centers on portraiture, identity, and the human differences that reveal different walks of life. Follow Yves on Instagram: @archangelsantana

About The Creative Odyssey Podcast: The Creative Odyssey Podcast explores the creative journey — the process, the identity, the cost, and the beauty of deciding to express yourself. Hosted by Sheran Ranasinghe. New episodes available on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major audio platforms.

This episode is sponsored by Future Ink Graphics — Cleveland's home for creative community and production space.

Connect with us: Instagram: @thecreativeodysseypodcast Email: thecreativeodysseypodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Like my mind is always at a thousand miles an hour. It feels like it never slows down. And that is the one time for three hours, for four hours me working on a piece where I can have quiet. It was to the point where she couldn't even drive me to school. So I had to drive to school. I didn't have my license yet. So my mom, like, I don't think I want to play. And I was so used to forcing myself to get up and do these things. That's what I thought was expected of me. And she told me, you don't, you don't have to. And that was so huge for me because I didn't realize that I had a choice.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Did you know at that point that you had perfectly depicted your life in that art? No clue.

SPEAKER_01 0:34

You're kidding me. I had no clue. I mean, I was living it at that moment. But it's just like when you practice a shot a thousand times, right? Even if I miss, I still feel confident coming back down and shooting that same shot again.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

I think it's because something so pure within you is coming out of you that that's the only place you'll uh love that will come. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Asking for help was the hardest thing that took me so long to do, and being able to say that I'm I'm not in a good place right now, I think that's such a good start. I think that is such a really good start.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Hi, welcome to the Creative Artists Podcast. My name is Sharon, and this is a podcast where we explore the creative journey that any person goes through when they decide to be involved in creativity to express themselves process. So uh today we are in Cleveland, Ohio. We are at Future Inc. Graphics, um, really cool uh place. I will tell you more about that we get to partner up with um and highlight some of the cool creatives that are involved with uh fig. So without further ado, I want to uh highlight and invite Eve Santana. First of all, bro, thank you so much for the patience. We've had so many issues.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

All good, man. Um same, I'm I'm just super excited, really passionate about uh just being here and talking about my work and uh again, just just developing relationships, getting to know you guys, um, even just behind the scenes. So I'm loving. I'm here for the journey. So that's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Okay, so how would you um get a creative, obviously? So, how do you express your creativity?

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Um, so I do visual work um probably this last year or so. I've been for focusing on portraiture uh more often. And a lot of it has kind of uh revolved around the idea of reflections and um just paying attention to what it is I can take out of my relationships, um, how I can get the best out of myself for my friends, how to be a villager within a village, and um just knowing kind of what work comes along with that. And just my my pieces, they they help me even just do some sort of regulation uh and process all of that. Um gives me somewhere to channel it to. So um, but I've been drawing since I was a kid. I mean, from everything from uh just just visual work or small figurines when I was a child, even just into things like gaming and and uh watching movies and film, like all of that stuff, just just I'm just super passionate about. So it kind of leads to what I do now.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Cool. So whenever I meet a creative, um uh they've done a lot of work on themselves and process and whatnot, right? So immediately what I I I want to know is like, how did you become you now?

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Um what shaped you? It was it was I'll say really where it began. Uh when I was in high school, it was probably my around my sophomore year. Uh my my household went through a split. So me and my mom, we left. And uh for probably around two years at that time, we bounced around from place to place my sophomore junior year. And within that time, she was, I would really identify as my first role model that I really looked up to. It was it was just us two. She was working three jobs like at once. It would be something overnight. Uh, she it was to the point where she couldn't even drive me to school. So I had to drive to school. I didn't have my license yet. Like, so we we were figuring it out and making it work as best as we could. And I got a chance to pretty much, she was Superman to me. Like she was super, superman to me. And uh, I think that was the first takeaway. I think it just A, it it humbled me a lot because I did go to a I did have the privilege of going to a really good school, academic. Um, even to like in the in the area that we grew up in, we grew up out the way in Sugar Falls, but there's a certain section called the park where it's only uh African, like it's 12 streets, it's African American. It's like a movie set when you walk in, it really is. And then surrounding it, um uh it's huge multi-million dollar homes. Uh, right. And it was that that contrast, and especially living in that community, but also going to a school of that, that, that degree. Um, I think that both gave me enough, like it grounded me enough to and humbled me a lot, just just you know, navigating between those two situations. I went to a really good school, but I didn't come back to a home.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

So um that was, I think that also kind of helped. It formed whether I realized it or not. Yeah. Um, it formed a lot of uh just even just how I carry myself every day, how how I talk. I can merge normally in with multiple different groups because I had to learn how to code switch. Um and it just became really natural for me. So um definitely a lot of that, just my upbringing, I'd say that's that's really where it started and bred. And I remember my 10th grade year where it really, really began, was I had made the varsity team on basketball. And uh at that time, I really started to explore who I was creatively because um just my identity with what manhood looks like was very stoic, uh, was very traditional. Um, so leaving that household kind of allowed me to branch out creatively a little bit more than I had ever been able to before. I remember I walked up after practice. We had a practice where my coach had us run down and back to court 128 times. And I realized the final the next day that that was something I was not willing to put a lot of work into doing. And I remember I went home, I told my mom, like, I don't think I want to play. And I was so used to forcing myself to get up and do these things. That's what I thought was expected of me. And she told me, uh, she's like, I mean, you don't you don't have to. And that was so huge for me because I didn't realize that I had a choice. And she really would talk to me like I was a human. Like, like she didn't talk to me as a child. She really talked to me as if we're on the same level.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

Um, and I think that helped me a lot with just identifying what it was that I wanted to do. And after that, I really started to take my creative journey seriously, like super serious. Um, a lot of that energy that I would focus into basketball and trying to become a better player. Uh, I was able to kind of turn that to um my artwork and take more art classes because I had more time to get projects done at home.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Um, I'm not playing basketball. And uh I think too, that was also huge because I think especially as a black man, you're expected to excel in sports.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Right? You're expected to be the best and the most athletic and to be chosen first. So for me, it it felt like whether I again realized it or not, that was again me kind of going against what my expectations. That was really all I ever wanted to escape, was just those expectations that were on me in the household that I grew up in.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

So, from what I'm hearing, you had so many dichotomies happening in that time of your life, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:36

So the parents being divorced, and then you you you moved here, or did it happen uh we we moved around probably because we were still we I went to that school since my third grade. Oh, okay, cool. Uh a lot of those kids I was still familiar with.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

So then you at school you feel like you don't belong because Yeah. I mean would it be right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Just I mean, even just being a a black kid. Right, FM. Yeah. Like I said, I was one of like 60, 70 kids, and the only art artists out of that that group. Um, and especially at in that age bracket, everybody was at a different generation at that time. So, when did you notice like something is off, like technically you don't belong there or whatever? I think, I think for me, it's like it would be, it would, uh, it really didn't hit for me actually until that that experience when me and my mom leaving. Because for me, I didn't realize how different a life that I lived from these kids, even prior to having nowhere to go. Like we still lived a completely different life, but I never really paid any kind of attention to it. Um, and uh, like I said, I was very privileged to go to that school, even just to have a place to stay and and stuff like that. I had even within my parents' relationship, they I was one of, we were like a community center, pretty much. It would be days I wouldn't even be at home, and I would go home and it's kids that's there, getting a plate and hanging out and playing my Xbox, and that's just what I grew up being used to. So even after that, I no longer had that anymore. It was just me and her, and that was it. We didn't have a place to have people, a hub or anything like that. So um it definitely uh, I don't know, it it just it just started to shape how I I viewed myself and having so much isolation in between. Like I said, it was just me and her, and that was all. So I had so much time to sit and reflect on um just just what made me a little bit different in that school. Um and two, just having to go to, I would go to a friend's house after school, and they they would have these huge homes, right? And I never complained about it, right? I again I loved being there, but after the fact, when they dropped me off, they were dropping me off at my other friend's house so that I can stay the night, right? So I just think that that that created such a a little bit of a riff for me and made me feel like it in a way it made me go into a little bit more isolation uh for a little following that, but a lot of dissonance in your life.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

And yeah. So so you when did you think you like actually used art as a way to process this stuff?

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Um, I remember my, I would say like the turn-in piece that I that I really had. I was it was the end of my 10th grade year going into summer, and there was a specific piece called Interlude. And it was an art style that I had never ever done before. I was really inspired by Basquiat, which for me, I was like the only black artist, uh contemporary artist I ever knew of that I can go to for some kind of uh some kind of refuge and just figuring out who I was. And I would say going and mark making on that, it's it's it's so much chaos in that piece. Um, there's like a there's a figure in the middle, he he's a shadow, and I have like this one-line drawing over the top of him, and it depicts a face. And in the background, I have just a ton of words that I just threw out on there, or I ripped out pages from a book and I and I glued them up there and painted over them, and it's so much, it's a lot going on in that piece. And I think that was the first time where I actually I didn't have any, I had him as a reference, but there wasn't much that I I went, it was, it just all came out. And I think that was the moment where I realized that it's it's possible to to do what it is that I always wanted to do, which was to create. I didn't I didn't know what that looked like at the time, but I knew that that was uh I knew that that meant that I can go a little bit farther than what I ever thought that I could.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

Did you know at that sorry I keep I'm so excited? This story is exciting me, but did you know at that point that you had perfectly depicted your life in that art? No clue. You're kidding me? I had no clue. Uh because you explaining that I can even I can visualize what you're talking about, and then you just talk goddamn telling me your story.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Literally, like the lines. For sure. I I had no clue. Um because I mean I was living it at that moment. I mean, even then, like I was painting my, I started painting my nails. I bleached my hair. Yeah, I used to wear these bandanas, like different color bandanas every day. I used to draw all over them, paint all over my clothes. Um, I think at that moment I didn't really realize it because I was living, I was living what I'm able to talk about now. Um, so it is definitely like it's it's we crazy. It's like a time capsule being able to look and opening it up, being able to look back and speak about that.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Talk me through that process of you going through these different kinds of ways to express yourself, like painting your clothes or bleaching your hair. Did you ever stop and think, why am I doing this?

SPEAKER_01 12:40

I would have frequent conversations with my mom. I think she was the one who really helped me navigate that because what was really important for her was especially after leaving, was that she created a different household than we ever had before, right? So that we didn't have to worry about leaving again. We didn't have to worry about splitting up and going separate ways or being frustrated with each other. And she actually, through that process, she actively learned it too. Um, my mother, she went through a lot growing up. She has PTSD, she's seen um, I mean, just about everything you can think of. She didn't even go to war and she's seen a lot of that kind of stuff. So for her, she understood what she wish she had in those moments and guiding her through that and helping her out. So even like we had, we would have these conversations early on. Um, and I think she helped me at that time realize the transformations that I was going through. Or she would just tell me, like, uh, I mean, you just had a moment, like she would literally tell me, like, you just had a moment where you your whole life just changed. Yeah. Right. And like, like, verbally, tell me that. And um, again, just this as a 10th grader, 11th grader, I mean, I can only understand that and digest that, but so much, because there's still so much more for me to learn at that time. But um, she did put it on my radar that it was possible to change and that there is work that goes into that. And whether I notice it or not, that um that I am doing that work, she she kind of put that at my front doorstep. So uh definitely having a guide there helped me a lot with my self-awareness. Um, she so I I will talk about her a lot. She's just really important to my journey.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

That's powerful, man. Because like for a woman who has gone through so much, like what you explained to me, and then turn around and be like, I gotta let my help my son process all of this. Like, I I that's a lot of wisdom. I mean, you said she's gone through pro, she has post-traum at PDSD. That's impressive. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

She is, and even in Sue, we still talk about, I mean, we talk about everything together. I mean, that's that's that's who I go. And and it's also now new having to branch off and learn my own things outside of her, just becoming an adult, correct? Wanting to go down my own path. And uh me and her bounce ideas and collaborate a ton. Uh, so I mean, that's my mother, of course, but I think more than anything, she'll tell you like that's that's actually my best friend. Like we talk to the same way I'm talking to you, we talk to each other the same way. We sit down, we chop it up, and and just explain what we were doing in our day or what it was that she went through growing up, or just moments. She would tell me all the time, she's like, Man, the stuff that you're doing now, she's like, I was, I was breaking. It's like she was breaking in cars at her age, right? Like she was a complete different and she's so open about that. Um, so that's why she she she reminds me how proud of proud of uh of she is of me. But furthermore, I also get to tell her, like, you you also came a huge way to be able to even you know build the life that you that you want. So I definitely want to make sure first and foremost that she she gets everything that she's been working so hard for, even if that just means that her son becomes something that he always wanted to become.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Okay. Absolutely. So I understood that's a that's that helps me understand where you come from. So and and your struggles and things that you've gone through. As far as um so in 10th grade, you started exploring art. Yeah, let's continue that. Yeah, what are some of the things that you did to express? And then you realize, oh wow, this this thing is about, I learned this thing about me.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Yeah, for sure. I um I think uh part of it was I actually started to reject school a lot uh through that through that time, just because I had so many other things that I was worried about. Um having to be worried about constantly getting up and move, moving your stuff to a new place, and there were my focus was somewhere else. So um I had a lot of teachers, uh, I mean, to the point I call them my aunts now. Um they kind of helped me keep my mind straight. But um, like I said, there was a ton of role models that I had for me, and it took a village to raise me. It definitely did. And um they they helped me at least through, at least get finished with high school. Um, but like I said, I rejected a lot of I had like a 2.3 grade average. Like I just wasn't paying it, it just didn't really draw me in. Even my art classes, I was failing my art classes.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

Yeah, you didn't have the right mindset.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Like it was, I'm in, I'm getting a D in AP art. It's like you didn't have safety, you didn't have a place to call home. Uh, didn't really have a place to call home. And I would say our 12th grade year, uh, right before COVID hit, it was uh March 7th. We moved into our apartment that we've been in since then. And I think that gave me somewhere to land a little bit more, and especially going into the pandemic uh and and like literally following weeks after, uh, that gave me at least somewhere where I have a place to draw and paint at. I actually had a physical room with a window that I can look out, and I think that that allowed me to take everything that I had learned, all of that, that like feeling like I was walking on eggshells from the previous two years to now I have somewhere to land my feet at. I can actually physic I physically have a space, I can lay my head down somewhere. So I feel like that's what it was that kind of catapult me forward more forward into my artwork. And um Can I just pause you?

SPEAKER_02 18:10

I I'm sorry, but I I'm I'm one of those people, like I process as verbally too. It's as if, right? You will like like you you come into that apartment and you said I finally had a window where I could look out and you could see some light coming in. It's like all that crap you've been going through the last however many long years, you come into this apartment, now light shines, and you're like, I have to now talk about this.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

I have to now man, like I can open up a window. Yeah, I can open my window up and I can stick my head out and I can just see what's going on. Uh that that was every that was everything to me. Um that was every so I mean everything now feels extra, right? It's just like it is it it at this point, it's it's been worse before. I also know that because it's been worse, that when my back is up against the wall, I'm I'm I feel capable enough to get out of it, right? Um, but now there were I didn't expect to be where I'm at. I didn't expect to do what I'm at. I mean, do what I'm doing. So I mean, everything feels like a cherry on top. Every time when I meet a new friend, it feels like a cherry on top. When I get to talk about my work, when I get to uh invite people over now and and hang out together, or when I get to meet new people farther out in Cleveland and have, you know, uh my car breakdown, it still feels extra to me because I didn't think that I would be able to have the money, uh, the car, you know what I'm saying? The tools to fix it or the or the money to fix it. Like it feels like everything feels like a privilege that I get to continue to experience. Uh, even though it's not. But also that you can get through anything. Yeah. But I don't think that it can get any worse than it did.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

I mean, even if like well, I I hate to say that because sometimes it might, right? But the point I'm trying to make too is that because you've gone through so much worse, you know that technically I can get through anything regardless of how bad it gets. Exactly. Because I think, I mean, to know that at 24, okay, that's it meant a lot.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

I think too, that's I needed that time because I just started up school uh last year, and I needed all of that time to kind of sit on that and and comprehend what it was I was doing.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

And that was 22, 22?

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Yeah, it was I graduated 2021. And you were um and how old were you? I'm 23 now. So when you graduated, you were I was 18. Yeah, 18. So I took a well, I guess about three-year Gabby until three, four. Oh my god. Um until I started up school again.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

You ever did?

SPEAKER_01 20:33

I was so happy I did that. Because I I mean, I even knew going, I told myself when I was in high school, I even told, because again, just being at that school, a lot of other people had money, stuff like that, to be able to go and bring those to college. So my experience in my adulthood was going to be completely different from theirs. Because at that point, I'm already working a job as soon as I get out of high school. Like life started for me as soon as I get out of high school. So um I was working down the street from my high school, like literally a walking distance. I hated it. Like I was really going through it because everybody was in Cincinnati and in California, Arizona, uh, so many different places. So, and I feel like I'm still stuck and I'm there. Um, I say, so in between that time, I had to process a lot of what it was I just went through. Because A, I didn't have the money. We just scrounged up the money to get the space. I definitely didn't have the money to go to college. So I had to, you know, wait rather than kind of put myself in even deeper of a hole, not even just financially, but just emotionally, trying to catch up to what happened. Um, I'd also have to add schoolwork on top of that and and other relationships that I'm meeting. And it just would have been really, really early for me to get that figured out. So I'm glad I did wait the time that I did. This is an oxymoron, but you're a very lucky man. I uh yeah, man, I appreciate it. Yeah. I'm glad that I'm so happy that I made that decision. I I I trusted myself at an early age. It was really awkward with those conversations with my counselors. Uh, but I'm I'm glad that I did. This is the best enough of all.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

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SPEAKER_02 22:11

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SPEAKER_03 22:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

I think it's it says something too, like going through the experience you did, that gave you so much wisdom that to to to say no to career guidance coaches to like no dude, I'm taking a break, whether you like it or not. That's huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Wow. Um, all right. So then um your department, talk me through that, because that was the renaissance of Eve. Yeah, absolutely. Talk me through that process.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

Uh, I remember it started. My first piece I did in a pandemic. Um, it started, it was uh 36 by 48. It was a yellow, it was the background was completely yellow, and I did like contour line drawings.

SPEAKER_02 23:40

36 by 48, yeah. Who gave you the right to get that big of a canvas?

SPEAKER_01 23:46

I ended up getting it from my art teacher. She So you didn't buy it, you didn't go out and look. You just had it. Okay, good.

SPEAKER_02 23:53

If I had to buy that, I would not do that.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

I just had it and um my art teacher, she would like leave canvases for me um and tell me that I can take them home. Uh just because she also, my my art teacher went through the same exact thing as I did. So she understood what was happening. She would leave, man, uh, she would leave food in the uh in her like cupboard for me, like little macaroni cups, ramen cups, stuff like that. So I can either stay after school or uh if I just needed something extra after lunch, because primarily lunch was the only time that I was eating throughout the day. So that would help me out a ton. And she was just, man, she meant so much to me. And uh so that following year, uh I'm sorry, man. This is like really emotional story for sure.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

And when you said you the whole village like raised you up, you really mean it.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

It did. Uh it I those are people I can never ever forget. They are a part of my journey. Yeah, I will always recognize them as a part of my journey. They they will be there regardless. However, that looks, I mean, most of them, all they asked for return was for me just to be the best person that I can be. That was it. And asked for any kind of incentive. My friends, when I was sleeping, he didn't ask me for any money, anything like that. He's I just want to make sure that you're good and that whenever you leave and you're on your feet, that you're able to do everything that you want to. That that's getting emotional, man.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

What the heck?

SPEAKER_01 25:10

It meant a lot to have that for sure.

SPEAKER_02 25:12

No, no, no. So you so let's go back. That's amazing. Thank thank you for all the teachers and the women and the men that who has helped them. Um you got the 36 by 48 canvas.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Yeah, uh, it started with yellow piece, and um I had this huge, this super thick Sharpie marker. And on it, I just drew, it was probably like, I want to say like 36 or so faces that I filled up in between, just all with one line. And um, I would say that was that was the beginning of. I remember it was super bright in my room. I tried recording some of it. I don't have any of that anymore, but it was just super bright in my room, and I was free to get up and move and and stretch and to use I my normally my process with my artwork, I use my full body. I love to back up for my piece, I love to use my arm, I love to move around, I love to listen to music and dance while I'm that's just my process. I need to be able to, I can't feel restricted. And um, I think that was my first time feeling that sort of freedom. Uh after that, I started to notice a pattern with what it was that I that I love to do. And it didn't really manifest to what it is now, quite then, but it was building up. And I love to draw people. I love to draw different, and the way that I showed those differences was the different shapes of the nose. Some were some were bigger, smaller, uh more square, more circular. Uh, some of the eyes were droopy or super high up, some looked angry. Like it helped me uh figure out, figure out just physical differences, of course, but also those physical differences highlighted just different walks of life where I'm from, where this person is from, just having different, and especially too growing up at that school, it was again, it was a dichotomy. It was so many uh different perspectives I had to take in consideration. So uh that was a common theme that I started to develop, uh, especially going through the pandemic. Um, I want to say though, I made maybe probably I can count on my hands how many pieces I made that that calendar year, because that was still my junior year going into my senior year. Okay. Um where we moved in. So um junior year going into my senior year. So I was still in school. I had that summer break. That was my first summer break where I was kind of free to again, I had a place to stay at that point. So my freedoms were a lot better. Um, and I was just able to move around and uh drive because my mom needed me to drive sometimes. Okay. Friends would come and pick me up. So uh I just think I needed that summer just to relax a little bit. I didn't really do too much work, but uh going into my senior year, I think that's when everything finally caught up to me as far as what it was that I just went through. Um, my senior year in high school, I probably went through a super really, really deep depression. Um and that was just highlighted by me doing poorly in school. Um, I was like, it it I was just all over the place. My my my and I don't blame myself for that, right? But uh it was just a lot of catching up, paying attention to like wow, like I just I just went through two years of not having a place to stay. And now I'm starting to process why that happened in the first place. Then I'm starting to realize, oh, this is what took place in my household that made me feel this way or act this way toward friends or make you know, make me lash out at certain times. Like it it that just started to catch up and it started to be a lot to maintain while also going to school. And um, while also too seeing my mom, because we're still, although we are we're at a point where we have a consistent income, it still feels like this can be ripped away from me at any point, right? It just was two years ago. Exactly. Right? So it's feeling all of that.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Subidity was not something you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

I I wasn't familiar. I'm I'm just still now getting used to getting out of that survival mode. And um, so it took so long to get through that. And I want to say, probably for the I wouldn't say it had to be like an eight-month gap. I mean no artwork at all. I mean nothing. After I graduated, I mean nothing. And I was just so And that probably killed you even more. Oh my god, that killed me even more. Um I I didn't want to do anything. I was like I said, at that point I graduated, I was working down the street from a school. I could literally out of the window, see my school. Like I was just That's horrible. Man, it it was it went downhill at that point. And I feel like what kind of got me out of that, uh, my mom she encouraged me to start taking a couple trips just with the extra money that I had because she knew that the money I didn't at that point I didn't have to contribute. Oh my god, just she wow, she handled everything so beautifully. And uh very man, very gracefully. Like she she did it, she landed graceful after so many like it just wisdom, bro. No one can trip with the little money you have, man. So uh and she she took care of everything. She me and her, I worked for her. She was uh she got me my first job. She was a housekeeper. We we worked at, we pretty much did like janitorial. Okay. And um, she didn't, she wasn't the one that paid me, but she was like the manager for it. She hired me in and she showed me what it was to kind of work a schedule and how to be somewhere and how to be expected. And um that was my first job that I really had. And with that money, uh, my friend who was who was a uh friend I had, she was in the art scene as well, too. She was one of my close friends in high school. She had moved down to Florida uh in Tampa to go to school for art. And she had invited me to come down, and I just had the extra time. My mom was the one who made my schedule. So she was like, I'll schedule off these three days. She said, if you want to go, go ahead, take your money, go down there. I took nothing but a book bag. Uh, I packed, you know what I'm saying, a couple things in there, my toothbrush, some other stuff, and like one outfit, figured it out down there, uh, and stayed down there for three days. I feel like that was kind of the start of me kind of figuring things out, and that there were, again, it branched out. I was, it's such a bubble. So that was my first time seeing, again, just different, different people. Being in Florida too, it's very diverse. It's it's the weather's different, the people act differently. And um, I had another friend down there too, who she went to the University of Tampa as well. We stayed with her, and uh, I feel like that was kind of the start of it. I think what really helped me out too is I ended up getting a better job. Uh, I started working at where I'm at today, I work at Apple, and that ended up doubling my pay for what I was doing. I ended up becoming a manager at another job, and I worked there for about eight months. And I felt like that also got me out just because now I have more stability. Um, I can provide more. My mom started to ask help with the bills, and I was able to do that without taking a significant cut of my paycheck. Um, so I think that that kind of worked me out of it a little bit. And again, in the background, I'm still as far as my artwork, like I'm still doing little sketches, stuff like that here. That'll never leave. It was just other things at that time that were more important uh that I had to figure out just financially, and and again, just making sure that my mom is good. I she started to slow down with her health and her health started to decline. Whether that was just like her feet started to swell up more often. So just looking after those things were more important. So uh, like I said, it was it was a good gap of time where I didn't really produce too much artwork or posts on social media what it was that I was doing. Um, most of it was just isolated kind of self-work. And uh I would say the final thing that got me up was I took a solo trip to Seattle. Um, I had a friend who she was from, she was like out in Jersey. Um we had met through like social media. She, we were like, we should just go to Seattle and never met her before. We met in Seattle for the first time. And I felt like that was kind of the turning point of what helped me like feel like this is possible to kind of get myself out of this rut. Even if it's just with a couple hundred dollars uh to kind of get myself right. Again, I took a backpack and figured it out. And um, that was like that that helped me out a lot emotionally. And coming back, now that I had a new job, I had a new way of thinking. And two, at my new job, there were a ton of artists uh that that are still there. They all do like festivals, they're insane people.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

They're so you met people at the community at your job.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Yeah, I met uh met a really good community at my job, and I feel like that was, and I was younger than everybody. I was the youngest at my job, it's a hundred of us. So I'm like 19 years old at this point, and um, I think just at my skill level, they expected so much of me, not necessarily in a way of pressure, but they were just super excited to see what it was that I would become and what it was that I was doing. And I think that that encouraged me a lot. Even them just inviting me out to uh, you know, to certain festivals that they have, or I have I would have a uh, I call her my fairy godmother at my job. She'll she'll hit me and she'll be like, hey, like there's a there's something that you should apply for. Here goes a grant, here goes a right, she would dish that out to me. And I think that's what kind of got my head in the right direction of starting to, you know, take my artwork seriously, uh, outside of just my normal job that I do.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

What does that mean? Taking art books seriously.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

I think, I think for me, uh there was a lot of growing up, especially at my school, there was a lot of being realistic uh that that in quotations that kind of surround it my work. Um, it wasn't necessarily my skill level, but it was just more so like with with that that that skill that I have and that gift that I have, um, how am I going to make money? Um that was super and like, and especially too, again, just coming from a time where I we didn't have a lot going on, that was something that I although I knew that that was a factor, I never wanted to put push that to the back. I always wanted to become a successful artist, whether that meant um that turning into me selling my pieces and making money off of it, or whether that turned into community work, however that looked. But um I think the way that I defined success a little bit differently as I did then. Uh, my only understanding as an artist was to create pieces and to sell them and to be in the galleries. And that was the way that I would make money. Um, I think my way now is uh I want to give back. Again, I had role models growing up, and I would love to be involved with more community work or just having again, too, even like again, prior to me going through all of that, yeah, we still had a community household. Right. Right. We still had kids that were over, that still played my game. I still even like when I talked to, I was a camp counselor for a little bit. When I talked to children, the same way my mom talked to me, I still talk to them like they're human beings. If I do wrong, I'll I'll pull a kid by the side, like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Right, like you were right, right. And um that that that's what I want to become for uh for just as many people as I can.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

So when I asked you, um you you answered like when you mentioned taking art seriously. Yeah, I guess what I was asking was how do you find the balance of like like obviously art for money and then art for expression, and then you put that into together and you call it I'm taking arts realistic. Yeah, how do you find like what does that world look like to you?

SPEAKER_01 36:07

Yeah. Um I still don't know. I still don't know. Uh it's it's I mean, this is the first thing. How have you done it, I guess, so far? Yeah. Um I think the way that that looks is uh just getting my putting in, how shall I put it? The way that I relate it to basketball. Because for me, that's that's my parallel to what I've always grown up and being used to. And um I relate it to the 128 down and backs my coach had us run. He had us run 128 times. And I remember I went in the next day, and that was something that I wasn't willing to do, right? Because that I didn't feel like I would get better in that. I didn't want to make it to the NBA, I didn't want to make it to the big leagues. It was just something that I purely did just because I did enjoy basketball on the side. Um, for my artwork now, I'm willing to run a thousand times. I'm willing to draw a million times and figure it out. I'm willing to hang out with my friends and figure out who it is that I am to then pour that into my artwork. I'm ready to do the reps, um, right? I'm I'm ready to go to school and to be humbled by a medium that I've never done before. Uh, that way I can then either decide if that's something I still want to do, uh, you know, I'm saying outside of school, or it it it, I guess the way I I define taking it seriously is the same way that I kind of define my uh, like I said, just my my basketball career is it's something that I'm willing to get up, you know, like so is it to get good at it or is it to something else? I guess it's I've never been asked that question. Um I guess it's of course definitely to get good at it, right? I think there's always even just being at my age where I'm at, I know that there's also another seven years out of me until I reach 30 where my artwork is still gonna evolve and change and and technique will get better. Um I I I I still I think truthfully, I still don't know the answer to that. I think often a lot of it, I I um it's easy to get kind of like a competing mindset. And I think definitely as an artist, um, especially I think normally artists are are seen not as like socially outcasted, but typically kind of against what your traditional you know way of thinking is. And um I know that that's something that I still needs, that I know still needs to be united, right? I think that it's better when artwork, when artists are working together and are sharing pieces of the pie with each other or sharing grants with each other. Um, and I think that's something where I'm trying to learn how to transform some of that competitive energy I had from basketball and that kind of lifestyle growing up to uh learning how to not necessarily just do artwork to be the best, but also just do it because that's what it is that I I want to do. I I I can't breathe. This is how I breathe, right? This is how I move. The same way that I that I go up and I gotta get something to eat because I'm hungry, it's just my artwork is this, I this is how I breathe. This is how I eat. Um, and that's that's something that I'm I'm still learning to just at my at my age right now, learning how to how to transform that a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

How do you define wasting time?

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Um wasting time. It's it's hard because right now, maybe I can define it asn't just talking about it, but right now, like I'm I've been struggling lately because I feel like at my age, I'm I'm supposed to have everything figured out. Really? Right? So every time that I go home and like I'm 23. And it's like I I I tell myself, I know, man. And um I'm no, but I'm it's I'm glad it's I'm 38. I haven't figured it out. But like that's I'm glad that you point that out because um it's it's easy to kind of feel like I need to have uh a good paying job, but also having to double the fact that maybe I tell myself all the time, like maybe within my degree that I'm getting for studio art, I might not uh you know get a well-paying job, right? It's it's easy to kind of go back and forth on that. Um, so I I feel like with wasting time, it's it's I think I can sometimes have an issue where I'm overworking myself. And I feel like I'm even on days where I go home and I just want to relax, I feel bad about that, right? To get rest or to stay up super late. Right. So um but it doesn't sound like you waste time. Yeah. Uh I guess now saying that I don't think about that at all. Yeah, no, I really don't.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

Um that's I I only ask that because I mean sometimes depending on the the culture, childhood you grew up in, you know, becoming creative is not always look as a worthwhile thing to do. Right, for sure. Right. And the reason I was actually kind of asking you about like success and like why create, yeah, is I mean, I'm genuinely curious as a 23-year-old, like you have plenty of distractions. Yeah, right. Like, and and like you sitting in front of a canvas and drawing or any any medium for that matter, is you being by yourself. Yeah, and a lot of people don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 41:17

So like um you get excited about that?

SPEAKER_01 41:21

I do. Uh it's like it's there, I'm I'm it's everything like it's like everything crescendos, and then I sit, I can sit down and I prime my I prime my canvas, or I'll even just getting the uh the the way that chalk works, it's like you have condensed chalk and or um, yeah, you have like condensed chalk and I that is such a that sound like it's so quiet to me, right? It it even I throw in my headphones, I was and like I said, I love to move, I love to dance, like that feels like a moment where I can, again, I can be by myself, kind of uh it's emotional for me because it's like I'm so used to to now I I had to, I feel like I for a while I was taking care of everything just again, just in my household. My mom recently had surgery, and um, to be able to sit down and just quiet, like my mind is always at a thousand miles an hour. Like it feels like it never slows down. And that is the one time for three hours, for four hours, me working on a piece where I can have quiet, right? Like it is, you know, so that that though that moment is is so emotional and so important for me because I don't feel like I get a lot of that. I don't feel like I had a lot of that growing up. It feels healing because so much of my life, even just in childhood, revolves me having to be somebody and and having those pressures and and having to take care of other people or having to pay attention to their emotions. And that's the first time where I can pay attention to my, I can give myself time. Um, and I can pat myself on the back, or I can see that there was work that went into this. I know that there's been thousands of drawings that that have led me up to this point. There's been hours, countless hours of me leading up to this point. And it I trust myself so much in that moment. Like that feels really good. Um, I don't think I've ever really spoken on that before, but that just that pocket of time, even just if that's once a month, or maybe sometimes I'll fit it throughout my week. Like it is so important to me.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

One last question about that experience. Yeah, can you walk me through what your mind and the voices and the conversation might look like?

SPEAKER_01 43:36

Yeah. Um I mean, and it feels like like it switches a lot. Like it like on my normal day to day that I have going between school and between work, um, again, a lot of it is is negative self-talk. Um, it can be again, I'm not doing enough, or it can be uh um I'm not excelling good enough within my Job. I need to start doing this so I can make more money within my job. And I, oh man, like my car is making this sound now. Now I gotta think about a thousand dollars that's gonna come out. And now I don't know how to save money. Right. And when it goes to standing in front of the piece of paper or standing in front of the canvas, it goes to like telling myself, like it goes to, oh, you've done this a thousand. I I it's been times where I've signed my artwork before it was finished because I felt so confident what it is that I'm doing. Right. That change and like that feel, I guess it feels like I have more control over that situation, what it is that I want to, uh, what it is that I want to put out. I know that in order to get the reactions that I want to get out of my artwork, whether that's just ooz and ahs or whether that is people who dislike it, I know that that's totally up to me. Right. There's nobody else that's in that moment. There's no other finances in that moment that's swaying that, right? That's that's something where I have the choice to, or it it's my job to to you know, to put that out there and and um I I just I think that's what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

So are you telling me that the negative voices goes away because you are confident in what you're doing? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 45:14

Absolutely. Um that's like I said, it's just again, even I I I speak about basketball a lot, but it's just like when you practice a shot a thousand times, right? And now I'm in a game and you pass me the ball at a place where I didn't practice a shot a thousand times, even if I miss, I still feel confident coming back down and shooting that same shot again. I've shot it a thousand times. And when it comes to my work, it's you know, like I I feel like I've produced so much that I feel good about, some so much that I feel bad about, right? There's been so many times I've missed so many shots or the ball to pay, you know.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

I I have uh maybe a tech got your question, but from that example of basketball, right? You feel confident because you are confident in your skill and because of your skill, you know you're the one who can charge the team, right? The same example is applying to your art. What if those things weren't true? All of a sudden one day that changed. Right? Now you're not a good artist, you have the impression that you can't perform, right? And now you're worried, am I even an artist? Right? So I only asked this question is because to me it sounds like and uh it sounds like you go from negative voices where you go to art and the negative voices goes away because you know nobody's judging you here. You don't judge yourself in your art. Do you? I don't.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

I mean it's obvious, right?

SPEAKER_02 46:43

As as creative, we have that like uh what do you call impossible uh imposter syndrome, right? Yeah, that's not gonna go away, that's for sure. Confidence is a good thing. I'm never saying it's a bad thing. Yeah, but what I'm trying to say to you is that maybe that's the place where you just feel comfortable because nobody's judging you. Yeah, you also that's the one place you don't allow yourself to judge yourself. Yeah, even if there are negative voices, you fight back and you're like, no, I don't let that go because you know I don't know. It's really like to me, you creating is a very special thing, is because like you found a way to express a process life. Yeah, and and and and to me, it's more than a skill what you're doing. Yeah, because everything that you're painting is literally coming from inside. And the beautiful thing is even the portraits and things like that you paint of other people, yeah, it's you perceiving them from your own vision and them putting in your yeah, you know, yeah. So I I want to challenge you and say, I think you're on the right path, but I think it's more than a skill. Yeah, I think it's more than you confidence. There's something really beautiful about that period of you creating, yeah, looking at your entire story. I I didn't think of it that way. Sorry, I I didn't mean to like jump in, but I think that's like a disincrease is because the only thing I reason the only reason I say that is when artists, right? When when it's um backed by stability and wanting to be stable, right? When we find confidence in our creativity, all of a sudden we forget that it's creativity that it got us the confidence. So then we forget that and then we go on to producing mode, production mode, we're making artists, maybe people uh people enjoy your you care about all of those things. Then you forget that you are creating because you found a way to express yourself. Yeah. So I just maybe I heard it the wrong way, but I I just want to challenge you and say, don't ever think it's confidence, yeah. Only think it's because something is so pure within you is coming out of you. That's the only place you're loved and welcome.

SPEAKER_03 48:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

I mean I don't think I'm trying to think about these things. I personally have gone through similar situations, and I the only wisdom I have is finally giving myself time to be with myself to create whatever way. I would work, I pay, I write, I do all these things, music. But what but what I realize is creativity is the way you connect with your inner child, and your inner child has gone through a heck of a lot. So every time you go to create, that inner child is like, let's talk about this topic. Right, for sure. Let's talk about that topic. Remember that what I had one time you felt like this? Yeah, I want to talk about that. Yeah, and then you sit there. The first oh man, I get goosebumps talking about this. I want to see that uh if you still have that painting of you drawing you in like are surrounded by chaos.

SPEAKER_01 49:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like, I don't know if you still have it, but that's oh yeah. Uh uh, still one of my beloved pieces, they don't go nowhere. Yes, that literally came out of you.

SPEAKER_02 49:56

And and I I I didn't come here to tell you what to do, but I'm simply saying is like I think you are fantastic. And uh as you are trying to navigate this artist's life and and and stability and all of those things, please remember it's about the creativity and you connecting, and everything comes from within you, nothing comes from outside. It's you might see it, you might perceive it, but it's from within you. Absolutely. I didn't need to hear that. Absolutely, I'm happy to tell you that. Um okay, so this is a podcast about you. Um really quickly. You look at other people your ages, or even young people, or even old people, whoever, I don't care what age it is. Um if they're going through uh like the time of life where they're feeling stuck in all the way, they don't know this is the way out, right? Like lost, depressed, all of those things. What advice would you give?

SPEAKER_01 50:56

What's helped me a lot is seeking out, um just seeking people out. Uh going community, going for help, asking for help. Asking for help was the hardest thing. That took me so long to do. Asking for help and being able to say that I'm I'm not in a good place right now, I think that's such a good start. I think that is such a really good start. Um, just because you you, I mean, first you acknowledge what it is that you're going through that you're going through. I think that's really important. There's no reason to be in denial, right? We're we're human beings. I'm not gonna be at 100% every time. I'm gonna be at 30%, you know, possibly next week, right? And I think that's important to recognize. But furthermore, kind of, I'm not sure if it could be a prideful thing, it could be anything, it could be something from childhood that made you and make make you feel that way.

SPEAKER_02 51:43

But I think it's still a valid emotion.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

Yeah, still a valid emotion. And I think it's what what could do so much service for you is to to go out and to reach out to a friend, to reach out to a stranger, to reach out to, I mean, even if you gotta write it out and and and let it go and win, right? I I think that that that helped me so like dramatically, so much um to to get to where I'm at and allowing people to help you. Uh I think that it's easy to get to a space where you feel like you can you can figure it out all on your own. I think human I mean we're human beings, we're social beings. Um, and I think that's that's really important to go out and say that I don't have it all. Um that that is absolutely where I would start if I could.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

You mentioned community, seeking out a community. I don't want to forget fig. How did you connect and what does it mean to be part of fig and the community here?

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Oh man, um I have a friend named V. Uh she'll she'll I believe she'll be a part of the uh Vanessa is amazing. Uh amazing human being. I had the privilege of meeting her. She did a couple of my tattoos uh a couple years ago, and our friendship started from there. And um just even just us documenting our art journey, us send again sending each other grants, or us saying like we know that we can get better out of each other. I've seen you do better before, so how about you try this again, right? Or like that that's so important to have. And um we we came we came up here like uh I've I've known this place probably for a couple years now, uh, especially like the other other half of the building and just seeing like the the uh you know like the parade stuff that they have. But uh where I was first introduced to Fig was Vanessa had an art show here. Um and I had the privilege to come up here and see just how that that meant that meant so much to her. Uh Stephanie, she talked so highly of uh even just working with her. Um, and furthermore, just developing a relationship outside of that. And again, just being close friends, like in a proximity, this was something she would come back, tell us what I did today at my job or what it was that she was super excited about. I worked with these kids today. And um that was something that, and even into she would start inviting me over to. I started to get really more involved last year, okay, just a little bit. And um, she would invite me to critiques, or she would invite me to art shows that they held here. Um, and that just gave me, again, more of a reason to come out to this direction. Um, so that that has meant a lot. And me also developing a relationship with Stephanie, such a cool lady that feels just as excited about things that I am. Um, and and that means everything to, you know, that means everything to me. So uh just building that up and Vanessa's also invited a plethora of other friends. I mean, and so many other people who I haven't met before. I just had lunch with somebody who she introduced me to two weeks ago. Um, right, and now we get to go rock climbing together and do right, like that that builds and whether she realizes it or not, or whether Steph realizes it or not. I those those things go, it goes out so far. And um, you know, it it I mean, it's to the point it's becoming lifestyle, right? Yeah, that inviting people in and come sit with me. Like, please come sit with me, come talk to me. Like, I love that. I'll I'll get up. If you don't want to move, I'll get up and come sit with you, right? So um I think that's that's really where it started. And uh this this place feels really good to, you know, be a be a part of that and add to that. I hope that the same way I talk about Vanessa, somebody can talk about these.

SPEAKER_02 55:20

Yeah, it's like the same way I'm doing. I want to hear your story and connect with you. You wanna we I want I do that outside the podcast too, but like it's so important to hear people's stories and connect with them, and I'm just better than that's why absolutely what we do. Eve, bro. This was I didn't even get a chance to talk about your name change. Anyways, I'm I'm I'm gonna have you again because I love that. Um for now, uh Eve, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Thank you for a 23-year-old very delightful man. I'll tell you that much. Thank you. Uh keep doing what you're doing. Uh regards to your mom. This was an amazing conversation. I hope you're waiting for it to create. If not, let's go to the next one. Keep dreaming, keep creating, keep going on your own creature. Thank you so much, thank you so much. So thank you so much for watching. I'm Sharon. Thank you so much for watching all the way through. I can't believe you did that. That's so awesome. It makes me so happy. It's such a special project of my It's a special project because I'm gonna miss it to quit because I think that a lot of fun to go up because we don't think quick get out of big boys. That's fine. But I think there's something we have connected with the inner child, and we connected with the inner child because we have to ease, I think about it. We all decided child is big body. I think that's what a lot of it is. And I think the more we are connected with our inner child, the better. And creating allows you to do that. I have I'm a creative person, I woodwork, I do video, I do music, I do now kind of drawing. Um and there's so much more I want to do and learn like pottery and things like that. All because I realized the more I did it, the more I realized all the the crap, the negative stuff that I would say to myself, or somebody said to myself that I took as a like a label that that's absolutely mine, or this is the truth, or something. Which more and more I like digged into it as I created, I realized, oh my gosh, none of these things are true. Actually, I'm a very you know creative person, I have values, I have good skills, all these things, and all of a sudden I realize I'm much, much more free. And the crazy thing is the people that I bring on this podcast, you can see that, right? Like you can see how how how free these people are and how much they know about themselves. And I think that goes to say that we can leave all these other things aside and we can connect you and I through creativity and the process of creativity and what to learn about your stuff because there's so much to learn, there's so much to learn because humans are absolutely unique and beautiful, and then absolutely gorgeous, and their stories are even more beautiful. So I think this is a place that I want to feature these people, anybody who is a creative who has a story to tell, absolutely phenomenal. I mean, Eve's story, like wow, what a phenomenal story. This I hate to call it story because I don't want to diminish his life, but the struggles he has gone through has made him into such a remarkable young man. My gosh, so much wisdom and insight and thought goes into his actions, and that what that's what happens when you're a creative. So I highly recommend you if you have not tried creating. I I do have like office hours type of thing where if you'd like we can talk more about stuff, but it's in my link in bio. Um but the crazy thing is that I know now that that my wife and I we're building something really powerful creativity, and people do create, and I don't know what I'm saying here. It's just every single day I just want you to know like I'm the one editing these things, just so much thought goes into it. I spend so much time top editing, and I feel like I don't get a chance to connect with you, the viewer, whoever is watching. I just want to connect with you. Either follow me on Instagram or whatever, send me a hike, give me a comment. I would love to know what you guys want to see in the future. I just want to let you know a little update. So I keep mentioning the Sri Lanka podcast tour. See what happened was in 2025 in September, my wife, myself, and my brother, we went to Sri Lanka, and there I recorded over 27 episodes. I came back from Sri Lanka, and I want to let you know it's been 20 years almost, gonna be 20 years since I moved to Sri Lanka to USA, and the crazy thing is that it I had a bit of a hard time after I came back from Sri Lanka. I just I had to process so much and I couldn't really get myself to edit videos. I was literally couldn't do it so but I didn't want to like stop the momentum of the podcast, so I decided to start my partnerships in in Cleveland and start recording. We upgraded our equipment now. We have a switcher, meaning we get to edit the episode as it happens, uh, like the at least the angles and things like that, which allows us to at least me to edit less, and like all I gotta do is you know, there's some kinks with the audio, I still easily to figure out, but at the end of the day, I just gotta put them together. It's a lot more easier progress. So I have started posting these American episodes. I want to know if you are a Sri Lankan guest. I'm so sorry, this is completely my fault. Your boy kind of just had to take time out and process and and it's okay. At least I gotta tell myself because it was agony not editing those episodes that I wanted to. Uh, anyways, this is getting longer than I thought. But if you are watching, we're building something here. We want to see more people create because the more people create, it's in these stupid wars, it's in all these unnecessary things that we get ourselves into, and we create more beautiful things that are within us. Your story is so powerful, your life is so powerful. You need to spend some time with yourself and create something, whatever that's inside of you. And in Peter, when I say quit, do not misunderstand me. I do not mean just art. I mean more than that. I mean using your brain to solve a problem, woodworking, construction, whatever it might be. Thank you so much for staying so long. I appreciate you. I audience said the tagline. I'll see you on the next one, which hopefully is tomorrow or day after. I'm gonna get this as soon as possible. I'm trying to do the best I can without trying to go for perfection. It's very hard, but I'm trying my best. Thank you for subscribing and following Journey. I would love to hang out with you one day. Thanks.