07: How You're Self Censoring & Don't Know It

Do you find yourself over-explaining? This is codependent behavior and it has a very dramatic effect on your ability to land the right clients, on your business, as well as in your personal relationships with your partner or your best friends. In today's episode, I dive into the truth and the root behind co-dependent behavior and how to step into a new layer of self-confidence, to stop over-explaining, people-pleasing, and operating in co-dependent energy. 

What is Your Paradigm? The Missing Piece Masterclass - https://www.gabriellemartorana.com/the-missing-piece-manifesting-copy-1-1

Becoming an Embodied Entrepreneur: 3-Part Immersion - https://www.gabriellemartorana.com/3-day-immersion2

Want to go deeper? Apply for The School of Expansion - https://www.gabriellemartorana.com/the-school-of-expansion-app

Send me a DM & let me know you tuned into the episode, I would love to hear from you - www.instagram.com/expandwithgabrielle

Transcript

Gabrielle Martorana: [00:00:00] You're listening to expand with Gabrielle, 

Gabrielle Martorana: You're listening to expand with Gabrielle, where you will learn how to use ancient wisdom and new age science to create your dream life. Here I ground the woo and demystify powerful spiritual concepts to support your spiritual entrepreneur journey. We are talking out with the old toxic, masculine boss, babe culture of hustle, burnout, and anxiety and in with the creative energy of creating through ease, magnetism, and flow.

Gabrielle Martorana: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get into it. You're listening to expand with Gabrielle, where you will learn how to use 

Gabrielle Martorana: Hello, hello. Do you ever find yourself over explaining? Like when you're sitting there with a potential client and you start to tell them about what you offer and then several minutes down the road you kind of almost observe yourself over explaining? Well, this is something that we are going to dive into in today's episode [00:01:00] because this can have a dramatic effect on your ability to Land the right clients to complete the sales process Even on your personal relationships with your partner or your best friends.

Gabrielle Martorana: This is all in the energy of codependent behavior And you may be wondering, what is codependent behavior and what does that have to do with over explaining? So an aspect of kind of finding yourself in codependent behavior is when you feel responsible for somebody else's experience. That's like a quintessential, classic, major aspect of codependency is feeling responsible for somebody else.

Gabrielle Martorana: And this is very dangerous territory, because as you could imagine, you cannot control how somebody else's experience or emotions are going to play out. But, you may have been brought up, you may have been raised to believe otherwise or to feel otherwise. What I mean by that is that if you grew up in a [00:02:00] household that was very volatile, or even if you had parents that maybe one was, um, very depressed or very emotional or would, you know, erupt in anger, you became hypervigilant.

Gabrielle Martorana: And when someone is hypervigilant, they can anticipate how somebody else may feel and they will adjust how they act and what they say in order to control that other person's perception and experience. And this can also happen from a place of love and kindness, thinking I want to save them from experiencing sadness or hardship or things like this.

Gabrielle Martorana: But anytime we step into that role where we are trying to control another human beings experience emotionally physically is When we can step into this codependent behavior now, why is this relevant to being a boss babe and being a business owner? this is because If you have that in your paradigm, if you have that programmed into your subconscious [00:03:00] mind, that means you're doing that without noticing, without realizing, because we operate out of our subconscious mind 95 percent of the day.

Gabrielle Martorana: And when we're operating out of that place of over explaining, trying to not be misunderstood as well, that's another piece of it, then we're not speaking from a place of authenticity. And authenticity, when you boil it down, is truly, truly believing what you are saying. And when you don't deeply believe what you're saying, other people can feel it.

Gabrielle Martorana: You send out this completely different frequency and vibration that other people will intuitively pick up on. They might not know exactly what it is, but it could be that make it or break it line between somebody deciding to work with you and to not work with you or to buy from you or not buy from you or to ask you out on that coffee date or not ask you out on that coffee date.

Gabrielle Martorana: It could be more subliminal. It could be more under the radar, but nevertheless, We pick up on frequency. And when someone is in the frequency [00:04:00] of authenticity, when they are in deep alignment with what they are saying, you can feel that too. And that is a powerhouse move. That is when people are magnetized to you on the business level, on the personal emotional level.

Gabrielle Martorana: on the sensual and sexual level as well. And so if we're operating out of this codependent behavior 95 percent of the time, because it's in our paradigm, it's programmed in there, we are going to be getting results in our lives and in our businesses that we don't want because we're not speaking from a deep place of authenticity.

Gabrielle Martorana: We're speaking from a place of We're speaking from a place where we are censoring. how we're explaining things, how we're saying things, how we're presenting new ideas with the goal of controlling and monitoring somebody else's experience and perception.

Gabrielle Martorana: Now if you're looking to step into the energy of being a sought after [00:05:00] service or product, a business owner who magnetizes these experiences, these opportunities for wealth and abundance, these ideal clients, Then you have to learn how to master this energy. And one thing that is the opposite of that is being in this codependent behavior.

Gabrielle Martorana: So something that you can kind of look at, analyze, or be aware of is when do you step into that energy of overexplaining? When do you have a fear emerge of being misunderstood? Is it when you show up on social media? There was this one girl that I followed that I really liked and she blew up to having over a hundred thousand followers And she posted this reel that I loved and she was saying that she has basically been going through this Initiation in being in front of so many people is Allowing herself to be misunderstood And allowing people to take what they want from her [00:06:00] content, from what she's saying and interpret it with their own basket of life experiences and not trying to control the outcome.

Gabrielle Martorana: And this is a really, really valuable piece of information, of knowledge, because we cannot control how other people interpret it. Experience us as much and as hard as we try and when we're in that energy of trying to control how they perceive Us how they feel how they experience whatever situation is arising Even if it's coming from that energy of I just want to protect them.

Gabrielle Martorana: I just want to save them I don't want my little sister to feel sad. So I'm gonna lie to her about whatever happened to protect her I'm gonna do that for my daughter. I'm gonna do that for my best friend. I'm Even if it's from that energy of protection and love, it is the same energy. It is trying to control someone else's experience.

Gabrielle Martorana: And so you're not fully showing up as yourself. You're not fully expressing your ideas, your wants, your desires, because it's always dampened by this [00:07:00] preconceived, this mental, Process that you go through before you speak that censorship part that thinking about what you're going to say and how they're going to experience it before you say it part.

Gabrielle Martorana: And of course, there is discernment and there are other aspects that we could talk about here about, you know, Intentionally being mean or like hurting people's feelings, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about when you find yourself over explaining and especially when you find yourself over explaining, let's say on a sales call, if you're on the phone with somebody and they're asking you about your services or your products and you find yourself over explaining, there is like a hint of desperation in there, you know, like that is not the energy of I am sought after.

Gabrielle Martorana: I am an expert. I am highly desired. That's the energy of almost grasping at straws or trying to hold water in your hands as it falls through the cracks of your fingers. And someone can feel that. And it's not, um, attractive. And I don't mean [00:08:00] attractive as in like ugly. I mean attractive as in on a frequency level.

Gabrielle Martorana: On a vibrational level. It's not in harmony with the good that you desire. With the ideal clients or the opportunities or whoever it is that you're speaking to. So, um, Um, on the sales call. So it'd be really powerful to say and think about what circumstances do you find yourself doing this? In what circumstances do you find yourself doing this?

Gabrielle Martorana: So do you find this happening when you are on a sales call? Do you find this happening with specific friends? Maybe someone that you may have pedestaled. Do you find this happening when you are talking to someone very attractive? When do you find this happening? Another really juicy part of this is thinking about When do you feel afraid of being misunderstood?

Gabrielle Martorana: What are the core fears behind that? Like what do you think would happen if you were misunderstood? [00:09:00] A lot of times we have the fear of doing something wrong, of being rejected, of not being liked or accepted. And so there's a lot of layers behind this need to feel understood. So these are some journaling prompts that you could sit with.

Gabrielle Martorana: Especially outside in nature with mama cacao.  If you enjoyed this episode, check out the links in the show notes. I have some epic workshops that I'm offering right now for free. And of course tune in to the next episode where I will be talking about more concepts like this. I also would sincerely love to hear from you.

Gabrielle Martorana: If you have been enjoying the podcast, please send me a DM. I am @expandwithgabrielle on Instagram, and I would love to hear which concepts are really hitting home for you.