Discovering Secrets Within the Hero’s Quest - Unveiled

This episode is for anyone who feels stuck and is a powerful reminder that we're all human. That regardless of your level of success, we all struggle sometimes. It's about embracing the messy parts of ourselves and finding the strength to keep moving forward.

Inspired by Jonah Hill's documentary "Stutz," Gregg shares his journey of facing fears, embracing imperfection, and finding strength in vulnerability. This episode is an invitation to shed societal and familial expectations, fostering self-compassion and authentic connections. 

In this intimate episode, Gregg invites listeners to witness his real-time process of growth and healing, exploring:

• The myth of perfection and why it's harmful
• The impact of childhood wounds on adult behaviors
• Strategies for overcoming overwhelm and "freeze" responses
• The intersection of ADHD, time management, and productivity
• The power of journaling and self-reflection in personal development
• How embracing imperfection can lead to greater authenticity and connection

Through personal anecdotes and honest reflections, Gregg demonstrates that it's not about having all the answers, but about how we move forward despite our struggles. Join him on this raw and inspiring journey of self-discovery and learn how sharing our vulnerabilities can create deeper connections, build support systems and foster personal growth.  Together we'll create a sanctuary for a more mindful, authentic, and fulfilling life.

Chapters

• 0:01 Embracing Imperfection
• 5:47 Overcoming Challenges and Finding Confidence
• 13:27 Navigating Self-Compassion and Business Growth
• 19:53 Navigating Inner Healing and Growth
• 32:29 Connecting Through Vulnerability and Support

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

I want to be a part of changing that programming so we don't feel we have to hide ourselves in order to be loved and accepted for who we are, because the truth is, nobody has it all figured out. It's not about whether we have all the answers, but how we move forward in spite of not having all the answers, ready to unlock your full potential. Join me, greg Berman. Your guide to self-discovery, self-acceptance and joy. This podcast blends life coaching, mindfulness and the power of nature to help you manage anxiety, cultivate self-compassion and embrace your true self. Along the way, we'll embrace the imperfection, fallibility and messiness of what it means to be a human, with love, care and acceptance for all of who you are. This is your sanctuary for a more mindful, authentic and fulfilling life. Let's embark on this journey together, as we give you permission to be your full self. Recently, I re-watched the movie Stutz. It's a documentary made by actor Jonah Hill about his psychotherapist, phil Stutz, because the film really speaks to me. I've seen it several times. Yes, it's certainly interesting and insightful to hear Stutz talk about the tools he uses to support his patients, but what really inspires me is the shared humanity the humanness and the imperfection that Stutz shares about himself, a man who over many long years, has developed a set of tools to help his patients and to help himself. And yet he's still imperfect, still has struggles and insecurities, which are evident in both the main text and the subtext of the interaction between Jonah and Stutz. And during the film, jonah realizes that pretending he is not struggling with his thoughts on how to make the movie and in trying to do it perfectly is just making the film project that much harder. So they decide to pull back the curtain to expose the messiness of how they are making the film, what the struggles are, and we get to see how they solve those very human struggles. I feel it's beautifully done and I find it inspiring. So that is what I want to do with you today to draw back the curtain and share what is happening beneath the surface as I move forward on my own project.

Speaker 1: 2:45

It's been a while since I've put out a new episode and I wanted to share part of the story of why. Part of me is not sure of the value of doing this and it certainly creates some fear, but I've decided to share my process with you in real time as I'm struggling with something. Why do I want to do this, you might ask. Well, it's because so often we get to hear about someone's hero's journey or great success after the fact, and though there is great value in that, it's not the same as coming along for the ride and it keeps alive the narrative that the story is only valuable once you've arrived at the happy, perfect ending, the story that our lives are not worthy of sharing with each other when we are not on top of the world.

Speaker 1: 3:36

But I feel that mythology creates harm and causes disconnection from each other and worse, it causes disconnection from ourselves, from each other and worse, it causes disconnection from ourselves. I'll admit a part of me does worry that letting you into my world, my insecurities, my struggles in present time will make you want to run away from me. Will have you say, why would I trust Greg to support me if he does not have it all figured out? And the truth is, for some folks it may do just that. But I know whether it's my own fears and the voices in my head or the voices in yours saying someone who does not have all the answers is not worth paying attention to. All these are part of a flawed cultural and familial programming that we are all exposed to and all impacted by. I want to be a part of changing that programming so we don't have to feel we have to hide ourselves to be loved and to be accepted for who we are. I want to show me and I want to show you that we have the opportunity to quiet the critical voices that keep us stuck, keep us from soaring, that limit our happiness and our freedom, because the truth is, nobody has it all figured out. It's not about whether we have all the answers, but about how we move forward in spite of not having all the answers. It's trusting in ourselves and trusting in your ability to access resources that will support you. And even though I can sometimes still struggle with my own vulnerability, what I've found is being vulnerable especially in those places where we feel unsure or insecure actually breeds connection, gives us space to breathe and reminds us that we are not alone. I'll share even more about that in a future episode. So in this episode, I'm going to take you behind the scenes while I'm in the middle of my most recent struggle, rather than waiting till I solve it before I share it with you. So away we go.

Speaker 1: 5:47

I remember in the beginning of the pandemic, I had planned a trip with a friend to do a week of kayaking in a remote section of the Everglades called the Ten Thousand Islands. We would be camping on small islands that likely would not have another soul on them, but the process of flying across the country meant lots of exposure and we reluctantly decided to cancel the trip just days before we were meant to leave. Then lockdown happened. For years I had dreamed of having a couple of weeks off where I had no place to be and nothing to do. I always imagined I could get so much organized in my life and my business. Well, this was certainly not the way I expected it to happen, but in a sense I was given that gift.

Speaker 1: 6:41

The problem was, each day would come and go and I was getting absolutely nothing accomplished. It felt frustrating and demoralizing. I was stuck in a cycle of overwhelm and self-doubt that led to procrastination and distraction. And as each day disappeared, so did a sense of hope, a sense of hope. So I reached out for support to coaches, eft practitioners, books on ADHD and more. It took time and lots of effort, but over a period of months I was really happy with the changes. The results, while difficult, were miraculous to me. The fact that I make my bed each day, something I'd never done as a practice ever in my life before. That is just one of many small, and sometimes large, daily reminders of the effort I put in. Do a search for the word Everglades on my website blog and you can find more out about that journey, including the miracle of folding laundry.

Speaker 1: 7:51

So about two years ago I started writing a talk I wanted to give on self-compassion. When it comes to guiding people on a forest bathing experience or leading anywhere in nature, I have an ease and confidence born from nearly 30 years of guiding wilderness journeys. Oh, I still have my insecurities and the critical voices that come up, but I've done it so much that I can easily quiet those distractions. But when it comes to simply giving a talk, my very old and sometimes still active wound comes up that says I don't know how to communicate. I don't know what to say, how am I going to do this? And it's going to be embarrassing and everyone will laugh at me or, worse, abandon me.

Speaker 1: 8:40

My ADHD and struggles with executive functioning can make it hard enough to know where to begin. Add those sorts of thoughts and more to the mix and it puts me in a state of freeze. Then one day, as I was prepping for my talk, I had what I call my near panic attack. I woke up one Sunday morning, genuinely excited to get to work on my self-compassion talk, and for the next 14 hours I was in a state of thinking in the next moment I'll begin, and in the next and in the next. But I just could not bring myself to get moving. And in those situations I was not in the habit of giving myself permission to do something else. No time with friends, no other project, no walking outside my door into the embrace of nature, because my own history told me if I did that I could not trust myself to get back to the project later. So I must do it now, but that rarely, if ever, worked out.

Speaker 1: 9:53

Throughout my life. That dynamic has led to a lot of time being a prisoner in my own house, unable to go forward and unwilling to allow myself a respite. On this particular day that led me to go down the path of feeling like I'm watching my life slip away. If I can't even get started on a day that I was actually looking forward to working, how will I ever get my business to a place of providing the financial stability to allow me the time to spend with friends, to build community to date, to travel, to kayak and to be in nature.

Speaker 1: 10:33

As the evening grew late and I'd gotten nothing done, I started spinning down a path of fear, of being alone and destitute, with anxiety and panic building inside me. Anxiety is an old companion. We've spent many days together, nearly every day in fact. I've certainly learned lots of tools to quiet the anxiety and to move through it in productive ways. Sometimes, in fact, I'm pleasantly surprised to find it's not there at all in situations that used to terrify me. But a panic attack, that's something I've rarely felt, and it seemed like I was spiraling down something I could not get out of.

Speaker 1: 11:18

I reminded myself this was just a feeling and I was, in fact, compassionate with myself. I told my scared inner child that, while it all felt real in the moment, it was just my frustration and my imagination running away with me and ruling the show. I told myself that I would feel different in the morning, and I held myself, and in the morning I did in fact feel different, but it was also a wake-up call that I needed to do something different. So, just as at the start of the pandemic, I started looking for resources to support me. I went to a somatic trauma retreat in Utah. I hired an EFT hypnotherapy coach, I did work with existential kink and psychedelics and more and again. It made a huge difference in calming my nervous system, in giving me new tools and I did ultimately write that talk and I'm proud of what I created. It was also what led to my being able to start this podcast.

Speaker 1: 12:27

I went from a place of feeling like years ago I managed to make good progress towards my goals, versus being stuck in overwhelming procrastination 10-15% of days to feeling like now I was able to move forward 70-80% of days and that was growing. In fact, after my first podcast episode came out, which, as I share in that episode, was filled with challenges, I was on a high feeling, confident at how well I moved through the process, even when it was not fun or there were logistical or emotional blocks. I was excited at the trust I had developed in myself. I can't begin to share how empowering it felt and I was feeling elated and strong. And that brings us to today. I still have that feeling echoing in my body, but I'm also feeling stuck.

Speaker 1: 13:27

Each time I move through something hard, I distance myself from the old story that I can't do hard things. I give myself new tools and resources so that most of the time it is easier to move through my own internal resistances and I more easily navigate outside obstacles in my path. But sometimes I face something that activates all my old wounds in such a way that it can seem like I've regressed to square one all over again. That, of course, I know is not the case, but it can certainly feel that way in the moment. That's the place I find myself in now and have been in for a few months. That's the place I find myself in now and have been in for a few months. In this case it was activated by starting a new marketing plan for my business. I feel blessed to have clients that love me and whom I love, some of whom I've just met and others whom I've worked with for years. I've gotten lots of heartfelt accolades for how I show up for both clients and friends. That feels huge for someone who at one time in my life wished I had anyone I could talk to, but was terrified to even try.

Speaker 1: 14:41

The issue is, despite how good I am at supporting others, I've struggled to figure out how to let more people know about me. It's felt like there has been this black curtain blocking me from being more visible. Part of that for sure is my ADHD inconsistency and reaching for the next shiny object before fully engaging with the current one, and there are so many shiny objects in the world of marketing these days. Do a newsletter Post on social media, and that should absolutely be Facebook, or no, it should be Instagram. Wait, no, it's LinkedIn or Pinterest or one of multitudes of others others depending on who you listen to. But actually what you should really do is create a podcast, or do ads, or give talks, and on and on and on. There's too many options to list and I'm sure many I've not even heard of. I've gone down various rabbit holes and while it's given me just enough visibility to stay afloat and to feel like stability is just around the corner, that stability has actually felt utterly and, honestly, heartbreakingly elusive. Hence the feeling and sense of near panic attack that was coming up for me as I was trying to write my self-compassion talk.

Speaker 1: 16:15

I love what I do, both in supporting others and in how I support and grow my own emotional well-being through the process of trying to be a better and more connected practitioner for my clients, all while building my business. So each time I try some marketing and I don't see immediate results or I languish for a while, I wonder how much effort to put into the next thing and fears rise in me, wondering if this is the right thing, wondering if this is the place where I should be putting my energy. There is a part of me that really misses the days where I worked as an RN two to three days a week and got to kayak and see friends three to four days a week while feeling I had enough money to meet my needs. The problem was working in a hospital was literally sucking my soul away. That's something that I complained about for years. That's a much longer story and it's part of the path that led me to what I'm doing today.

Speaker 1: 17:24

So, in the ongoing search to lift the black curtain of visibility, I decided to hire a marketing agency. About four months ago now. There was a series of intake forms that took me more than 16 hours to fill out. That felt hard enough, but then in June my 60-page plan arrived, sharing what I should do and how to create a funnel, but the process of implementing it is asking me to think in new ways to share about what I do, ways to share about what I do. It's also asking me to do lots of behind-the-scenes tech pieces that, as I research, can feel like I need to decipher foreign language just to figure out each step. So it's been overwhelming and there are just so many pieces at once that my brain struggles to figure out where to begin. And that is without all the insecurities, not enough stories and layers of old wounding.

Speaker 1: 18:26

The thing is, it's totally normal as we grow to feel resistance. That is part of the process and for me, I've even gotten to the point where I can feel excitement when I notice resistance, because it means I'm on the verge of a big breakthrough. Feeling stuck for a few hours or a few days or even, on occasion, a few weeks, is a normal part of growth. Actually, getting stuck for much longer is also sometimes part of the process. We all feel stuck in aspects of our life at times, but when I'm stuck for months on end repeatedly and I'm watching weekend after weekend, week after week go by where I'm saying no to engagements with friends and I'm saying no to myself for doing anything but the one project I want to work on. Well, it's definitely a blow to my confidence and my self-trust when the week comes to an end and all I've done is remain in a state of stasis, thinking in the next moment it will be different. I feel very thankful that self-compassion is a superpower of mine, because otherwise it would be super easy to beat myself up when I watch week after week go by and not only don't I get further on the marketing piece, but so many other projects, as well as opportunities to play, fall by the wayside in an effort to work on this project.

Speaker 1: 19:53

I want to give myself the freedom from remaining stuck for so long, both because it is not financially viable for me to remain in this repeated spin cycle and because it is a gift to do the hard work of healing wounds that keep me from moving forward. It's certainly a gift when I can do that for others and it's absolutely a gift when I can do that for myself, like the movie Stutz, where Jonah realizes that, after two years of trying to create what appears to be a simple conversation between him and his therapist, in order to go deeper, in order to be intimate with the audience. He has to take a risk and be vulnerable and share the truth of where he's struggling. That's what I'm hoping to accomplish here Continuing to let go of my need to be perfect or get it just right for fear of being abandoned, for fear of not being loved, and to show both myself and to show you that you are valuable and worthy, even when we don't have it all figured out, even when things seem hard and even when it feels like we'll be shunned for sharing our truth.

Speaker 1: 21:06

What I've realized for myself in this particular situation and in this repeating cycle of getting in this freeze pattern where I'm overwhelmed, is I need to more deeply explore the childhood wounding and provide comfort to that four or five year old child in me that is feeling like he has to figure it all out and is taking the reins in order to protect the adult me from doing it wrong, from fucking it up. The thing is, when that young one is at the helm, I am thinking with the mind of a 4-5 year old and the world feels big and scary and I don't have the full access to my adult mind that knows it can figure things out, that knows I have options, that knows I have systems of support. I've certainly explored some of these layers before and in fact last year I went through three different therapists trying to find one to help me do more of this deep work. Each one was a little better than the last but despite my expressions of where I wanted to go, the focus was always on providing me tools around my ADHD and working in the present. Certainly there is value in that. I'm always happy to get new insights into my ADHD patterns and learn new tools, but in this situation it feels like trying to use the best materials to build a high rise without being sure the foundation can support what I'm building. So I'm shoring up those foundations with inner child work and healing from complex PTSD. Even though in some moments it sucks to be in this place, I also know it's an opportunity to show up for myself in new ways and to show up for my clients in new ways To become stronger and more resilient. I found a couple therapists recently who are exploring those deep layers with me and helping me build my foundations, and I'm using those insights to inform the work I'm doing, using hypnotherapy and EFT tapping to further install new patterns.

Speaker 1: 23:13

I've also been doing a lot of journaling, which has been really helpful in gaining insights into the patterns. Actually, I've been really proud of myself about the journaling because I had written a note to myself and posted it on the wall over a year ago saying if I have the urge to distract myself, the phone tends to be my drug or distraction of choice. Instead, it would benefit me to pick up a journal and notice the thoughts that are coming up. It took over a year before I followed through on that note, but I'm actually doing it now and it's been truly amazing to get new insights. Typically, I'd get caught in watching video after video, or doing what I call trap lining. That's something I have an upcoming newsletter article on, but, in short, the name comes from the pattern in animals where they visit food sources in a repeatable sequence, like trappers checking their line of traps. In my case, it's where I go in circles checking to see if there are any new emails, and then any new Facebook messages or posts, and then Instagram, and then or posts, and then Instagram, and then my texts, and then WhatsApp, and on and on and on, and when I finish one round then I'll go back and do it all again.

Speaker 1: 24:30

I'm not being productive in these cases, but rather using it as a distraction to avoid doing something hard and or the feelings that arise from trying to engage with a hard task hard and or the feelings that arise from trying to engage with a hard task. Typically, when I would get stuck in those patterns, I'd wonder why can't I just pull away from it? And then I would feel frustrated when hour upon hour disappeared. But as I've started the journaling, it's like I'm getting access to subconscious recesses of my brain that I've not explored. I'm getting access to subconscious recesses of my brain that I've not explored. I'll share a few of those insights now and over time I'll share more of those explorations with you, including where I'm feeling stuck and what I'm doing to overcome ingrained patterns. One of those pieces is around the intersection of overwhelm as a pattern and my relationship to time, a combination of always feeling like there is not enough time to do everything in an hour or a day or a week, or there is not enough time in life. I've been challenging that pattern, which I'll share more about as I gain deeper insights.

Speaker 1: 25:35

The overwhelm I remember as a child and well into adulthood. Things like packing for a trip as one example it felt overwhelming to think of all the things I would need, lay them out and pack them away. I could not figure out where to begin. It would always seem like some mystical wizardry to be able to get ready, and I would just wish I could just be on the other side of the plane ride, able to get ready, and I would just wish I could just be on the other side of the plane ride. There were so many steps and in what is a typical ADHD pattern, I would delay and delay and delay, because once time grew very short, the adrenaline kicked in and I didn't have the luxury of thinking and fretting over each decision. I simply had to just do, regardless of whether it was perfect or not, and quite often it was very imperfect. I've read a lot about that cycle since getting diagnosed in my mid to late 40s and I've been working on changing that, though I also spent decades installing that pattern, so it was pretty well ingrained.

Speaker 1: 26:43

Simply being aware that that is a common part of the ADHD brain takes a lot of the shame out of it. Then there's the giving myself permission to be imperfect, trusting that I can figure it out, training myself that I can do things that may feel hard or that I may assume are going to be hard, and doing things to calm my nervous system when the strong thoughts and feelings state of it's too hard, I can't do it, I don't want to work. So hard is shouting in the conscious and subconscious parts of my brain that calming can happen by doing tapping simply as a nervous system relaxer, or to install new thoughts and quiet old ones. It can be in the form of breath, work or spending time connecting with nature or even sharing my struggles with a safe and trusted friend, so I feel less alone in the experience, even though that can sometimes feel hard too, because I can judge myself for sharing the same story over and over. But even acknowledging that I'm doing that makes it easier.

Speaker 1: 27:53

Another related and tangential pattern is the pattern of getting distracted. Sometimes, as I've already spoken about, distraction is a tool I'll use to avoid something. But what I'm talking about here is being conscious to notice, for example, why my hour-long morning routine can sometimes take three to four hours time. That often is not available. It can happen if, for example, I'm doing my workout routine at home and then I think, oh, I want to look at a balance board or some other thing to aid my workouts, or some supplement, or I remember an unrelated task or I see something out of place on a shelf that I want to deal with. I think I'll just quickly look it up or deal with it in 30 seconds or so, but that can take me down a rabbit hole that lasts 10 to 20 or 30 minutes and if I do that numerous times in a session, sometimes I never end up completing what I'm trying to do before I need to get onto something else. Being conscious of that pattern, realizing I don't have to get distracted, and even carrying around a notepad with me so I can jot things down, is super helpful. Then later I can decide whether I want to do whatever that impulse was or if it was just a distraction that came up in the moment.

Speaker 1: 29:14

Well, that is not directly related to the not enough stories and the fear of abandonment wounds that keep me in freeze mode so much. They do add to the burden of being frozen, because then I don't trust myself to be able to get things done, which adds to the overall anxiety I notice. At the same time as I'm feeling the weight of my current struggles to move forward with this marketing plan. I also feel excitement for who I'll get to be for going through this process. There are definitely moments when I want to lie on the floor in fetal position and just cry and have someone come and rescue me and solve all my problems and make it so I don't even have to face them. But I'm really proud of the person I am today, how resilient I am and how much growth I've had in my communication, my abilities to show up for my clients in powerful ways, my ability to show up for myself and to reach out for support, and I'm proud of all that I've released on the social anxiety front, which used to dominate my life.

Speaker 1: 30:18

As I took a break from writing this today, I remembered a dream I had last night. In it, I was walking around in public naked, trying to find my way to my clothes. I was not totally comfortable, but I was also not heavily embarrassed. It was awkward, but I was simply allowing myself to be exposed in service of seeking comfort. I'm struck by the correlation to what I'm doing right now. It's not totally comfortable to be exposing myself in this way, but it is in service of not only creating more comfort for me but for all of us in sharing our humanness and building connection, comfort and strength by doing so. Certainly, there are always higher levels that I want to achieve, but again, I'm super proud of how incredibly far I've come and, as I've shared many times, a quote from Peter Sage that really speaks to me is the purpose of a goal is not to achieve the goal, but to see who we get to become on the way to achieving that goal. I know I'm becoming so much stronger each and every day through the process of sometimes systematically and sometimes quite chaotically and agonizingly moving towards my goals. I want that sense of strength and resilience for you as well.

Speaker 1: 31:54

Thank you for joining me on my journey. There are parts of me still nervous and parts that are saying I should rewrite this or add or delete something, and I'm choosing to just watch those feelings float by. I'm honored that you have chosen to be here and let me share with you. I hope what I share is nourishing and valuable for you. I hope it offers you some insight into your own patterns, whether they are similar or even if they are wildly different from my own.

Speaker 1: 32:29

If anything resonates with you, I'd love to hear what you are taking away or even what questions it brings up for you. Let's give each other permission to be our full selves, both the amazing and the messy that resides in us all, and please share this far and wide. I'd be grateful if you'd put a like and a comment. Wherever you get your podcasts. You can find out more about me and my work on my website. You can find out more about me and my work on my website, inconnectionwithnaturecom. If I can be of more direct support, reach out and let's have a conversation. See you in the next episode or join me on my blog.