Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
10 Ways the Covert Narcissist Devalues You: Part 2
Covert narcissists hide in plain sight, using subtle tactics to break you down.
In this second part of our series, we delve deeper into the covert narcissist’s manipulative tactics that leave victims feeling invalidated, confused, and emotionally drained. If you’ve ever felt manipulated or questioned your worth in a relationship, this episode is a must-listen.
Need Support, Extra Resources? Resources and Online Counseling (worldwide) information Here
We continue to unravel the covert narcissist’s hidden strategies. From emotional blackmail to narcissistic triangulation, learn how these manipulative narcissists use psychological abuse to control and devalue their victims. In this episode, we reveal five more covert tactics that narcissists use to keep you hooked, create confusion, and isolate you from your support system.
What you'll learn:
The covert narcissist’s ability to invalidate your emotions and make you question your own reality (covert narcissist devalues).
How triangulation works to create tension and manipulate relationships (narcissistic triangulation).
The emotional blackmail tactics that narcissists use to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.
"Breaking free from a covert narcissist requires seeing the manipulation for what it is."
If you're struggling to break free from a covert narcissist, this episode offers critical insights and strategies to regain control and start healing. Understanding these tactics will empower you to protect your emotional well-being and rebuild your life, free from narcissistic abuse.
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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
10 Ways the Covert Narcissist Devalues You – Part 2
Welcome to part two of our two-part series, exploring the ways covert narcissists devalue their victims. If you haven’t yet read part one, I highly recommend going back to it to understand the first five tactics that covert narcissists use to manipulate, control, and destroy the self-worth of those around them. In this post, we’ll cover the remaining five techniques covert narcissists use to gradually dismantle your confidence and leave you feeling emotionally drained and confused.
In case you missed it, covert narcissism is a form of narcissistic behavior that isn’t as overt or easily detectable as the typical narcissistic traits most people associate with the term. A covert narcissist tends to fly under the radar, acting self-centered or manipulative in more subtle, passive-aggressive ways. These tactics often go unnoticed at first, but over time, they become much more damaging to the victim’s mental and emotional well-being.
Understanding these manipulative behaviors can help you identify when you’re being targeted by a covert narcissist. Let's dive deeper into the remaining tactics they use to keep their victims under their control.
6. The Narcissist Constantly Compares You to Others
One of the most damaging and underhanded tactics used by covert narcissists is constant comparison. It may seem innocent or harmless at first, but when you step back and look at the bigger picture, it becomes clear that the narcissist is using this technique to undermine your self-worth.
Covert narcissists are masters at making you feel like you’re never good enough. They’ll frequently mention how much better others are than you in various ways. For example, they might comment on how a colleague got a promotion, how someone’s house looks cleaner, or how a friend’s kids are always well-behaved. These comments, while often disguised as compliments or casual observations, are designed to make you feel inadequate and to provoke jealousy. The narcissist’s ultimate goal is to keep you on edge, feeling like you need to improve or be more like the “ideal” person they keep referencing.
This tactic is known as triangulation, where the narcissist brings a third party—real or imagined—into the dynamic. They might paint this third party as someone to aspire to or use them as an ongoing comparison to make you feel as though you’re constantly falling short.
It’s an insidious way of establishing power over you. As you strive to meet the expectations that have been set by the narcissist, you’ll find yourself becoming emotionally dependent on their approval. And no matter how hard you try, it will never be enough.
7. Constant Criticism to Undermine Your Confidence
Covert narcissists are constantly belittling, criticizing, or mocking their victims, but they do it in such a way that it often seems like it’s “for your own good.” They may disguise insults as “constructive criticism” or “helpful feedback,” but the aim is always to knock you down and erode your self-esteem.
This constant barrage of verbal jabs wears you down over time. It can start with seemingly harmless comments, such as commenting on your appearance or how you perform a particular task. Over time, though, these comments grow more pointed and more personal, until you begin doubting your worth and capabilities. The narcissist might say something like, “You always mess this up,” or, “I don’t know why you’re so sensitive about this.” Each remark chips away at your confidence, and before long, you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around them.
As the criticisms continue, you begin to internalize them, believing that you’re not good enough, that you’re too flawed, or that you’ll never live up to the narcissist’s standards. This is a classic tactic of psychological manipulation, and it leaves victims feeling defeated and unsure of their own abilities.
8. They Don’t Come Home on Time
One of the more subtle yet effective methods covert narcissists use to devalue their victims is showing a blatant disregard for your time, needs, and emotions. This can manifest in many ways, but one common tactic is for the narcissist to intentionally not meet expectations—especially when it comes to commitments that are important to you.
For example, the narcissist may consistently show up late to events that matter to you, like family gatherings, work functions, or important anniversaries. They might even make plans with you and then cancel last minute or show up hours late without offering any explanation. When you confront them, they will deflect and make excuses, such as, “I got caught up at work,” or, “There was a traffic jam.” They might even claim that you’re being too sensitive or unreasonable, further gaslighting you into questioning your own perception of the situation.
This behavior is intended to make you feel unimportant. The covert narcissist wants to maintain control by ensuring that you’re always waiting for them, constantly wondering where they are, and feeling hurt or abandoned when they fail to meet your needs. It’s a passive-aggressive strategy that reinforces the narcissist’s control and reminds you that their interests always come first.
Over time, this tactic can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted. You may begin to doubt your own needs and desires, questioning whether you’re being too demanding or unreasonable. This confusion only fuels the narcissist’s power over you, keeping you in a constant state of emotional turmoil.
9. Blameshifting: Never Taking Responsibility
Covert narcissists are notorious for never taking responsibility for their actions. If something goes wrong or they hurt you, rather than owning up to their mistakes, they will blameshift—meaning they’ll make you feel like you’re the one to blame.
For instance, if you confront them about their rude behavior or a broken promise, they will quickly turn the situation around, making you feel like the problem is your fault. They might say something like, “I only did that because you made me angry,” or, “If you weren’t so sensitive, I wouldn’t have to act this way.” The narcissist will twist the narrative to paint you as the villain in their story, effectively preventing them from facing any accountability.
Blameshifting is a manipulative tactic that ensures the narcissist never faces consequences for their actions. Instead, they position themselves as the victim, which shifts the focus away from their abusive behavior and onto your alleged faults. This makes it difficult for you to address the actual issues in the relationship, as the narcissist constantly deflects responsibility and makes you feel like you’re always the one in the wrong.
Over time, this tactic can cause you to question your own reality. You might even start to believe that you’re to blame for their hurtful behavior, which further deepens your emotional dependency and keeps you stuck in the relationship.
10. They Keep You in a State of Confusion
One of the most destabilizing tactics that covert narcissists use is keeping their victims in a constant state of confusion. They alternate between love-bombing and devaluing, keeping you emotionally unbalanced and unsure of where you stand.
In the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist may shower you with affection, praise, and attention. They might tell you that you’re their “one and only” or that they’ve “never met anyone like you.” This is the idealization phase, where the narcissist puts you on a pedestal, making you feel incredibly special and loved. However, as time goes on, the narcissist will begin to devalue you, pulling away affection and making you feel inadequate.
When you confront them about the sudden change in behavior, they may gaslight you, telling you that you’re imagining things or being too sensitive. They’ll oscillate between hot and cold behavior, sending mixed signals and leaving you constantly questioning what’s real. This keeps you emotionally hooked and desperate to get back to the initial phase of love and validation.
This kind of emotional manipulation is incredibly draining. It leaves you feeling like you’re walking on a tightrope, unsure of how to act or what to expect. The narcissist’s erratic behavior destabilizes your emotions, making it harder to see things clearly. You end up second-guessing yourself, which makes it easier for the narcissist to continue their manipulation.
How to Cope with a Covert Narcissist’s Devaluation
Recognizing these covert narcissistic behaviors is the first step in reclaiming your power and beginning to heal. Once you understand how the narcissist is devaluing you, you can take proactive steps to protect yourself emotionally.
Start by setting firm boundaries with the narcissist. Don’t let them walk all over you or treat you as if your needs are secondary. If they criticize you or try to make you feel inferior, call out the behavior or distance yourself from them. Establish emotional and physical space when necessary, and don’t be afraid to walk away from situations that leave you feeling emotionally drained.
It’s also important to prioritise self-care. Surround yourself with people who validate your worth and offer you the support you need to rebuild your confidence. Therapy can be a crucial part of the healing process, as it provides a safe space to process your experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
If you’re struggling with a covert narcissist and need support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a trained therapist who specialises in narcissistic abuse. Recovery from narcissistic manipulation is possible, but it takes time and support.
Final Thoughts
By understanding the tactics covert narcissists use to devalue their victims, you can start to break free from their emotional grip. Recognize the manipulation, set boundaries, and take control of your emotional well-being. Remember, narcissistic abuse isn’t about you—it's about the narcissist's need to control and dominate those around them. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel respected, valued, and loved for who you are.
Stay strong, and know that healing is possible.