5 Reasons Narcissists Cheat on You

If you’ve ever been cheated on by a narcissist, you know it’s not just betrayal—it’s psychological warfare.

In this raw and eye-opening episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I’m breaking down the top 5 reasons narcissists betray their partners—and trust me, it’s not because of anything you did or didn’t do. If you’ve ever been blindsided by infidelity or left questioning your worth after a narcissist moved on like you never existed, this one’s for you.

"Cheating isn't about love for narcissists—it's about power, control, and ego."

We’re diving deep into the psychology behind narcissistic infidelity. From the compulsive need for validation to the thrill of deception, I’ll help you make sense of the chaos they create and the emotional wreckage they leave behind. This episode also explores how narcissists set the stage for cheating long before it happens, often grooming new supply while still in a relationship with you.

Need Support, Extra Resources?   Resources and Online Counseling (worldwide) information Here    

"They don't cheat because you're lacking. They cheat because their ego is never full."

What you’ll learn in this episode:

• Why narcissists view relationships as transactional, not emotional
• The role of boredom and entitlement in their infidelity
• How cheating fits into the narcissist's cycle of idealise, devalue, and discard
• Why they’re addicted to the chase and how they sabotage real intimacy
• The devastating impact of betrayal on victims—and how to begin healing

"To a narcissist, loyalty is a one-way street—and they’re always the exception."

Whether you're still reeling from a narcissist's betrayal or trying to understand the patterns in your past relationships, this episode will validate your pain and give you the clarity you deserve. It’s not about blaming yourself—it’s about understanding the calculated cruelty behind their choices and reclaiming your power.

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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.

Nova xx

Transcript

5 Cruel Reasons Why Narcissists Cheat

Let’s be real—getting cheated on is horrible no matter what. But when it’s a narcissist doing the cheating, it hits differently. It’s not just betrayal—it’s a calculated, cold, and often sadistic move. Narcissists don’t cheat because they “accidentally fell in love” with someone else. They cheat for control. For supply. For power. And to hurt you—on purpose.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s betrayal, I want you to know this: it was never your fault. It was never about you not being enough. Narcissists cheat for reasons that have everything to do with their need for ego, manipulation, and domination—and nothing to do with your worth.

Let’s break down the five truly cruel reasons narcissists cheat. And more importantly, let’s talk about how you can start healing from it.

1. To feed their ego

This is a big one.

Narcissists are addicted to validation. They need constant attention, admiration, and ego-boosts to feel “good enough”—which, let’s be honest, is never really enough for them. And unfortunately, your love and loyalty just won’t cut it forever.

See, in the beginning, when you were new, exciting, and doting, they loved it. You were a perfect little ego fix. But after a while, that shiny newness wore off… and instead of working on the relationship like a healthy adult, they start looking elsewhere for a new “hit” of attention.

It could start with flirty messages. Sneaky DMs. Long lunches with the “work friend.” And before you know it, they’re cheating.

And here’s the kicker—they don’t even care if they have feelings for the other person. That part doesn’t matter to them. What matters is how the other person makes them feel about themselves. Desired. Admired. Powerful.

Narcissist affairs aren’t about love. They’re about ego. Full stop.

2. To punish and humiliate you

Here’s where it gets especially dark.

When a narcissist cheats, it’s often not a mistake—it’s an intended message. A way to say, “You’re not good enough. You’re not in control. Look at what I can do.”

Cheating becomes part of the bigger devaluation game. You’re no longer being idealised. You’re now being picked apart, emotionally withdrawn from, and left wondering what you did wrong.

And cheating? That’s the final slap in the face.

They might gaslight you if you find out. Deny it. Blame you. Or they might even admit it in the cruelest way, like:

• “Well maybe if you weren’t so boring…”
• “I needed to feel something again.”
• “She actually listens to me.”

All of these are designed to chip away at your self-esteem. To make you question your worth. To keep you feeling small so they can feel big.

I've had so many clients say the cheating wasn’t even the worst part—it was how cold the narcissist was about it. No guilt. No empathy. Just a smug little power trip.

3. To create drama and chaos

Narcissists don’t do boring.

If things in the relationship start to settle—if you’re healing, if you’re gaining confidence, or if you’re finally setting boundaries—they see that as a threat. So what do they do?

They light a match.

Cheating creates instant drama. You’re now distracted, emotional, confused, and completely focused on them again. Mission accomplished.

Some narcissists will even go out of their way to make sure you find out. They’ll leave evidence behind. Let you see a suspicious text. Post flirty photos with someone else on social media. And then when you confront them? They’ll either deny it and call you “crazy,” or act like you’re overreacting.

Why? Because whether you cry, scream, fall apart or beg them to stay—they win. Any reaction is attention. And attention equals control.

In a healthy relationship, cheating would destroy the connection. In a narcissistic relationship, it’s often used as fuel to keep the toxic cycle going.

4. To play you off against the other person

This one is textbook narcissistic abuse: triangulation.

Narcissists love having two (or more) people fighting for their attention. It makes them feel like the most powerful person in the room. So when they cheat, it’s not just about sex or supply—it’s about control.

They’ll pit you and the affair partner against each other. To you, they’ll say things like:

• “She gets me in a way you don’t.”
• “He actually listens to me.”
• “You’ve changed.”

To the new person, they’ll play victim:

• “My wife’s emotionally abusive.”
• “My partner doesn’t care about me.”
• “I’m only staying for the kids.”

It’s all lies, all manipulation. And both of you are being used.

They want you insecure and jealous. They want the new person to feel like a “rescuer” or a “better option.” It keeps you both competing, questioning yourselves, and staying hooked in.

It’s exhausting. And heartbreaking. And worst of all, narcissists don’t care about the pain they cause in the crossfire.

5. Because they think you’ll stay

Let’s call this what it is: pure entitlement.

Narcissists often cheat simply because they can. They assume you won’t leave. That you’ll forgive them. That you’ll blame yourself. That you’re too trauma bonded, confused, or scared to go.

And if you've stayed after past betrayals, they take note. They test your boundaries—then bulldoze them.

They don’t feel guilt the way healthy people do. There’s no deep reflection or sincere apology. If anything, they might fake some remorse to reel you back in. You might hear:

• “It was a mistake.”
• “You’re the one I really love.”
• “It didn’t mean anything.”

But if they’re not doing the work—real work—to earn back trust and take accountability, it’s just more manipulation. Because in their mind, love means ownership. They believe they’re entitled to you… and anyone else they want on the side.

The truth is, when a narcissist cheats, it’s not a glitch in the relationship—it’s a reflection of who they are.

Healing from a narcissist’s betrayal

If you’re reading this and it’s hitting close to home, I want to say something important: you didn’t deserve this.

You didn’t “let” them cheat. You didn’t fail. You weren’t “not enough.”

Narcissist cheating is about power, not passion. It’s about supply, not love. And it’s one of the many tools they use to keep you stuck in a toxic, one-sided dynamic.

But you can break free.

Healing after narcissistic abuse takes time—but it’s possible. And it starts with clarity. When you understand the why behind the cruelty, you stop blaming yourself for what happened. You stop looking for closure from someone who was never capable of giving it.

You start giving that closure to yourself.

Final thoughts

Being cheated on by a narcissist is one of the most painful betrayals you can go through. But the pain isn’t because you were weak or naive—it’s because you were emotionally invested, loyal, and trusting. Traits that narcissists see as weaknesses—but are actually your greatest strengths.

If you’re still in the fog, still trying to make sense of it all—please know you’re not alone. This wasn’t your fault. And you’re not broken. You’re human. And you deserve so much more than crumbs and cruelty disguised as “love.”

Need support?
If this resonated and you want someone to walk beside you while you process and heal, reach out at Brighter Outlook Counselling. I offer one-on-one support and would love to help you get clarity and rebuild your self-worth.