Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
A Toxic relationship and Fake love looks real—until it destroys you.
Welcome to Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, the podcast that exposes the hidden dynamics of toxic relationships, narcissistic abuse, and emotional manipulation. Hosted by Nova Gibson, leading trauma-informed counsellor and Director of Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling, this podcast is your guide to breaking free from the confusion, fear, and self-doubt that come with being entangled with a narcissist.
In every episode, Nova draws from years of experience working with survivors to explore the complex, often covert tactics used in emotionally abusive relationships—from gaslighting, triangulation, and the silent treatment to smear campaigns and intermittent reinforcement.
Whether you're struggling with a narcissistic partner, parent, boss, or friend, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys gives you the tools and knowledge to understand the abuse, trust your instincts, and reclaim your power—even if the narcissist has never been formally diagnosed.
This is more than a podcast—it’s a lifeline.
You’ll get:
Clear explanations of narcissistic behaviour patterns
Practical strategies for setting boundaries and detaching
Real talk about the emotional rollercoaster of trauma bonding
Validation, clarity, and a path toward healing from narcissistic abuse
If you've ever felt trapped in a relationship that chips away at your self-worth, this podcast will help you name it, face it, and finally break free.
You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. You’re in the fog of narcissistic abuse—and Nova is here to help guide you out.
Visit https://www.brighteroutlooknarcissisticabusecounselling.com.au/
for more support and resources.
It’s time to expose the fake love, silence the flying monkeys, and rewrite your story.
Fake Love and Flying Monkeys
10 Ways the Covert Female Narcissist Manipulates You
She seems so sweet—how could she be the problem? That’s exactly the mask the covert female narcissist wears while slowly chipping away at your confidence, your voice, and your sense of reality.
In today’s powerful episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, we’re pulling back the curtain on 10 subtle but deeply damaging ways the covert female narcissist erodes your self-esteem—and often, your entire sense of self. Whether it’s your narcissistic mother, sister, partner, friend, boss or even a "mean girl" in your social circle, these women are masters of manipulation, sabotage, and emotional control—but they do it all behind a mask of innocence.
We cover:
The weaponised “victim” role she plays to guilt you
How she uses backhanded compliments and passive-aggressive digs to keep you second-guessing
How she sets you up to fail, just so she can swoop in as your 'rescuer'
The ways she turns people against you subtly, yet deliberately
And much more...
Need Support, Extra Resources? Resources and Online Counseling (worldwide) information Here
These aren’t just toxic habits—these are narcissistic abuse tactics designed to confuse, isolate, and emotionally paralyse you. But once you learn to spot them, you can begin to heal, reclaim your self-worth, and set powerful boundaries that protect your peace.
If you've ever felt like you were walking on eggshells around a woman who “never did anything wrong” but somehow left you feeling drained, anxious, and never good enough—this episode is for you.
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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.
Nova xx
10 Ways the Female Covert Narcissist Destroys Your Self-Esteem
Because not all narcissists are loud, and not all of them are men.
When we think of narcissists, we often picture the arrogant, loud, charming guy who can talk the leg off a chair — but female narcissists? They’re a whole different beast.
She’s sweet on the surface, highly sensitive, and always has a story about how someone else has wronged her. But underneath that soft exterior is someone who is just as controlling, manipulative, and emotionally destructive. In fact, her tactics are often more insidious because she plays the victim so well.
Whether she’s your partner, your mother, your friend, or your boss — the female covert narcissist will chip away at your confidence in ways that are subtle, sneaky, and absolutely devastating to your self-esteem.
Let’s dive into the 10 ways she does it — and how to spot them before it’s too late.
1. Crocodile Tears
The female covert narcissist is a master of weaponised tears. She knows exactly when to cry — and it’s never about genuine remorse.
You bring something up that hurt you? She starts crying and suddenly she's the victim. Or worse — she cries in front of others to make you look cruel or abusive. Her tears are designed to manipulate, to derail the conversation, and to guilt you into backing down.
So instead of being heard, you end up comforting her. It leaves you doubting your own reactions and feeling like the bad guy — which is exactly what she wants.
2. Use of Passive Aggressive Comments
She doesn’t insult you directly — that would be too obvious. Instead, she’ll serve it up with a smile.
“Oh, I didn’t expect you to be able to pull that off.”
“You’re brave wearing that out.”
“I guess some people don’t mind a bit of weight gain.”
It’s a constant stream of subtle put-downs, often disguised as concern or humour. And if you dare call her out? “I was just joking!” or “You’re reading too much into it.”
It’s not humour — it’s hostility with a coat of sugar on top. And it wears down your confidence, slowly but surely.
3. Playing the Victim
Female covert narcissists thrive on sympathy. She always has a sob story ready: how her ex destroyed her, how her boss is out to get her, how her kids don’t appreciate her. But if you look closely, you’ll notice a pattern — everyone in her life has hurt her. And she’s never done a thing wrong.
She uses her victimhood to avoid accountability, to justify her toxic behaviour, and to make you feel guilty for ever questioning her. You might even start bending over backwards to “make it up to her,” even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
It's a guilt trap — and it works, especially on kind-hearted, empathetic people.
4. Silent Treatment
When a female covert narcissist is upset — or when she wants to punish you — she’ll go completely cold.
No talking. No eye contact. No response to texts. She might even play it off as “needing space” or being “overwhelmed.” But don’t be fooled — this is punishment.
She wants you to feel anxious, abandoned, and desperate for her approval. It’s about control. And it makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells, constantly guessing what you did wrong and how to fix it — often at the expense of your own boundaries.
5. Sabotaging Your Relationships
The female covert narcissist hates your support system. Friends, family, colleagues — if they like you and validate you, she’ll see them as a threat.
So what does she do? She slowly poisons those relationships.
“She’s not a real friend, you know.”
“I don’t like how your sister talks to you.”
“I heard he was saying stuff about you behind your back.”
Sometimes it’s subtle — little seeds of doubt. Other times, it’s full-on smear campaigns behind your back. Either way, she’s isolating you. And once you’re cut off from others, she’s got you right where she wants you.
6. Dismissing or Mocking Your Emotions
One of the most damaging things the female covert narcissist does is make you feel silly for having feelings.
You’re hurt? “Oh my God, you’re so dramatic.”
You’re angry? “Wow. Overreacting much?”
You’re excited? “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
She invalidates your emotions constantly — until you start second-guessing yourself. You learn to shut down, to stay quiet, to stop trusting your instincts.
And once that happens? She’s in control. You become easier to manipulate because you no longer believe your feelings are valid.
7. Emasculation
This one’s particularly common in romantic relationships — especially when the female covert narcissist is partnered with a kind, sensitive, emotionally intelligent man.
She’ll undermine you with “jokes” about your masculinity, question your ability to provide or parent, and compare you to others in subtle but painful ways.
“I mean, real men know how to fix things.”
“Maybe if you earned more, I wouldn’t be so stressed.”
“God, you’re so sensitive — it’s such a turn-off.”
She’ll chip away at your confidence, leaving you feeling weak, useless, and ashamed — even if you’re doing your best. And she’ll never take responsibility for the damage.
8. Narcissistic Mother Insults Their Adult Child Under the Guise of Caring
This one hits hard. Female covert narcissists often show up in mother-child relationships — especially with adult daughters and sons who are still chasing mum’s approval.
She’ll say things like:
“I’m just worried you’re not looking after yourself.”
“Have you put on a bit of weight, darling?”
“No wonder you’re still single.”
It’s all framed as “caring” — but it’s deeply critical. She’s keeping you small, insecure, and reliant on her for validation. And if you push back? “I’m your mother. I’m just trying to help.”
No. She’s trying to control you.
9. Sabotaging Your Joy and/or Success
The female covert narcissist cannot stand when you’re doing well — especially if you’re shining without her help.
So she’ll ruin your wins.
Get a promotion? She’ll find something negative to say.
Feeling confident? She’ll make a passive-aggressive comment.
Excited about an event? She’ll cause drama the night before.
Your joy reminds her that she’s not the centre of your world — and she hates that. So she’ll do whatever she can to drag you down, even if it means sabotaging something that really matters to you.
10. Destroying the Bond With Your Children
This is where it gets dark.
If the female covert narcissist is your partner or ex-partner — and you share kids — she will absolutely weaponise them. She’ll use them to hurt you, control you, and destroy your confidence as a parent.
She might:
- Talk badly about you to the kids
- Undermine your parenting decisions
- Play the “fun” parent while making you the “mean” one
- Make you feel excluded or unimportant
- Use the kids to spy or deliver emotional jabs
It’s not about what’s best for the children. It’s about punishing you — and breaking the bond between you and your kids so that she remains in control.
Final Thoughts
The female covert narcissist might look harmless on the outside — but make no mistake, she’s capable of deep, lasting damage. Her tactics are subtle, manipulative, and soul-crushing. And worst of all? She’s often believed by everyone else because she plays the victim so well.
But here’s the truth: It’s not you. It was never you.
You are not too sensitive. You are not overreacting. You are not “crazy.”
You’ve been systematically devalued by someone who knew exactly what they were doing. And now? You’re waking up.
Whether she’s your mum, your partner, your friend, or even your boss — you’re allowed to walk away. You’re allowed to go no contact. You’re allowed to rebuild your self-worth from the ground up.
And you don’t have to do it alone.