Narcissistic Abuse, Cptsd and Ptsd: The Aftermath of Covert Abuse

What happens when the abuse doesn’t leave bruises—but instead rewires your nervous system?

In this episode of Fake Love and Flying I dive deep into the reality of Complex PTSD (CPTSD) as it relates to narcissistic abuse.

"Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just hurt—it conditions you to expect pain as love."

Whether you’ve left the narcissist or are still untangling from the trauma, this episode breaks down the long-term psychological and physiological effects of prolonged exposure to emotional abuse, gaslighting, control, and coercive manipulation. We explore how CPTSD develops differently from PTSD, how the narcissist's cycle of idealise–devalue–discard contributes to emotional injury, and why survivors often feel confused, hypervigilant, or stuck in shame.

You’ll learn:

What CPTSD really is and how it develops from repeated emotional trauma

Key symptoms including emotional flashbacks, dysregulation, and shame spirals

How narcissists create the "perfect storm" for CPTSD

Why healing requires more than just going no contact.

"CPTSD is not weakness. It’s your brain’s survival response to ongoing emotional warfare."

This episode is for anyone seeking to understand the neurobiological toll of narcissistic abuse, how CPTSD keeps survivors locked in fear and confusion, and—most importantly—what recovery really looks like.

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Please remember the information in this episode is not intended to substitute for therapy is general and strictly the opinions of the host.

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Transcript

When the Narcissist Is Gone but You Still Feel Trapped: Understanding CPTSD After Narcissistic Abuse

So, the relationship is over.

Whether you made the brave decision to leave, or the narcissist discarded you like yesterday’s news (which they tend to do when they’re done draining your soul), it’s done. And you’d think you’d feel free, right? Like, the abuse has stopped, you’re technically out of that toxic environment. Maybe it was a romantic partner, a parent, a boss, or even a so-called friend—but it’s finished.

And yet… somehow, you still feel trapped.

This is something I hear from so many clients I work with in counselling—after all the chaos and trauma, they’re left wondering: “Why do I still feel like I'm stuck in it?”

You're Out, But You're Still In It Mentally

Here’s the thing. Even though the narcissist is physically out of your life, the emotional and psychological damage doesn’t just vanish when they walk out the door. You're out, but your nervous system hasn’t gotten the memo yet. You're ruminating constantly. Your brain keeps circling back to the “good times”—those rare, fleeting moments that you now know were fake. They were manipulations, carefully planted to keep you hooked.

And then, there are the triggers.

These things might seem small to someone who hasn't lived through narcissistic abuse, but they can completely wreck your day, your week, your sense of safety. It could be something as simple as...

• The smell of cologne your abuser used to wear
• The sound of a certain song
• Driving past a specific street
• Watching a particular kind of movie

I had a client once who couldn’t be around a guy at work just because he wore the same aftershave her ex used to wear—and it sent her spiralling. Total panic mode. Not because of the cologne itself, obviously, but because that scent was paired with years of abuse and fear. It became a direct ticket back to the trauma.

Triggers Can Be Anywhere—and They Make No Logical Sense

Another common one? Driving.

Let’s say every time you got in the car with your abuser, it turned into a horror show. They’d speed down the highway threatening to drive off a cliff or dump you on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere just to “teach you a lesson.” They might disappear for hours and come back like nothing happened, expecting gratitude.

And now? You find yourself completely panicked behind the wheel. Or maybe you’ve just stopped driving altogether. Highways, tunnels, or even busy roads can feel like death traps. Why? Because the sensation of not being able to escape is too real.

That feeling of being trapped, of not having an exit, of being stuck behind the wheel with no control—that’s what your nervous system is reacting to. And it’s so incredibly common in survivors of narcissistic abuse.

And you might be thinking, “Is this just me? Am I losing my mind?” No. You’re not. I talk about this exact thing in my book Fake Love because it's so common. You’re absolutely not alone.

So What’s Going On Here?

What you’re likely experiencing is something called CPTSD, or Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. And if this is sounding painfully familiar, then yes—there’s a good chance this is what you’re dealing with.

Now, just to be clear: I don’t diagnose. That’s for psychiatrists and psychologists. But I can tell you from working with thousands of clients over the years—almost every single one of them who has gone through narcissistic abuse shows signs of CPTSD. It’s that common.

Why? Because narcissistic abuse isn’t just one traumatic incident—it’s trauma that’s repeated over and over and over again. It’s not like a car crash that happens in one terrifying moment. It’s psychological warfare. It’s walking on eggshells 24/7. It’s long-term, ongoing, and it changes you.

What’s the Difference Between PTSD and CPTSD?

Most people have heard of PTSD—Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It usually develops after a single traumatic event: a car accident, a natural disaster, an assault.

CPTSD—Complex PTSD—is different. It's caused by prolonged trauma. Emotional abuse. Neglect. Domestic violence. Being gaslit, manipulated, and dehumanised every day for months or years.

The result? It reprograms your nervous system. CPTSD doesn’t just give you anxiety—it can actually change the way you think, the way you feel about yourself, how you view other people, and even how you experience the world around you.

What CPTSD Can Look Like in Real Life

Let’s talk about some signs and symptoms—because recognising them is the first step to healing.

1. Emotional Dysregulation

You find yourself totally overwhelmed by emotions—whether it’s anger, sadness, fear—or you freeze up completely. And let me tell you, this isn’t because you’re “overreacting” or “too sensitive.”

This is your nervous system doing what it was trained to do in that abusive environment.

A healthy person might innocently say, “Are you going to wear that?” and suddenly, you’re snapping back like, “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?!” That hypervigilant part of you jumps in before you even realise what’s happening—because you had to be on alert constantly in that relationship.

2. Avoidance and Isolation

You avoid certain places, people, or situations because they remind you of the trauma. You might even isolate yourself from new relationships or experiences out of fear. That movie you used to watch with your abuser? Can’t go near it now. That restaurant? Off limits. That whole suburb? Forget it.

3. Flashbacks and Intrusive Thoughts

You could be doing something totally mundane—folding laundry, making a cup of tea—and BAM. A memory hits you like a truck. Sometimes it’s not even a clear memory, it’s just a feeling. A body flashback. A wave of fear or sadness or helplessness that makes no sense until you trace it back to the abuse.

4. Loss of Identity

CPTSD messes with your sense of self. You might not even know who you are anymore. You question your instincts, your decisions, your worth. This is often because the narcissist worked so hard to erase your identity and make you dependent on their version of you.

5. Shame and Self-Blame

One of the cruelest after-effects is that voice in your head that keeps saying, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” or “Why did I let that happen?” That shame is so heavy. But remember—it’s not yours to carry. That shame belongs to them, not you.

Why Does This Happen? The Trauma Bond

Another thing that makes CPTSD even more complicated in these relationships is something called the trauma bond.

It’s the emotional attachment you form with your abuser, even though they’re hurting you. It’s a mix of fear, hope, and intermittent reinforcement—one moment they love-bomb you, the next they tear you down. Over and over again. And that cycle conditions you to crave their approval and fear their disapproval.

So even when they’re gone, your brain is still wired to seek their validation. It’s confusing and exhausting.

Healing Is Possible (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Yet)

If any of this is sounding painfully familiar, please know—you are not broken. You are not weak. You are traumatised. And you are not alone.

Healing from CPTSD takes time, patience, and often professional support. And just like it took time to be conditioned into these patterns, it’s going to take time to unlearn them and reconnect with your own power and identity.

Whether you’ve just gotten out or you’ve been out for years and still feel stuck, it’s never too late to start your healing journey.

If you’d like to talk to me one-on-one in a private Zoom counselling session, no matter where you are in the world, check out the link in the description. I’d love to support you on your journey.

Final Thoughts

The narcissist may be gone, but the impact lingers. CPTSD is a normal response to a very abnormal situation. It doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you survived something very real. Something that left an imprint on your nervous system.

But here’s the beautiful truth: healing is possible. And it starts with understanding that your reactions make sense. You’re not crazy. You’re recovering.

You are not alone in this.