Covert Narcissist Texting Mind Games

What do you do when the narcissist’s texts flip between “I love you” and radio silence? In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I break down the real meaning behind their late-night messages, sudden love bombs, ghosting tactics, and manipulative wordplay.

(For 1 on 1 online counselling in your own toxic relationship/narcissistic abuse recovery please visit my website at
https://brighteroutlookcounselling.com.au/online-counselling-services/ )

 Important Fact - Their texts aren’t random — they’re part of a calculated cycle designed to pull you back in.

We’ll talk about why narcissists text at the weirdest times, how they hook you with just a few words, and how you can finally step off the merry-go-round. If you’ve ever stared at your phone wondering, “What does this even mean?” — this one’s for you.

📖 Don’t forget to grab a copy of my book Fake Love for deeper insights and strategies to heal. 👇https://mybook.to/F3gm

Transcript

The Narcissist’s Texting Games and How to Break Free

If you’ve ever been caught up in the confusing, exhausting, and often heartbreaking cycle of texting with a narcissist, you’ll know it feels like being stuck on a rollercoaster you never even bought a ticket for. One minute your phone is blowing up with sweet nothings and declarations of forever love, and the next—it’s just crickets. Then, just when you finally start to breathe again, that little ping goes off and there they are, dragging you back into their emotional tug-of-war.

So, what’s really going on when the narcissist texts you? Why do they bombard you with love and attention only to vanish and then reappear like nothing happened? Most importantly—how do you protect yourself from this constant push and pull?

Let’s dive into the mind games behind narcissist text messages and how you can reclaim your peace.

Why Narcissists Love Texting

Texting is the narcissist’s perfect little playground. Unlike face-to-face conversations, where you can pick up on their body language and tone of voice, texting gives them ultimate control. They get to decide when and how they respond, how vague or manipulative they want to be, and they can twist their words later if needed.

It’s also the easiest way for them to keep you guessing. Narcissists thrive on keeping you off balance, and text messages provide a steady supply of opportunities for love bombing, gaslighting, and silence—three of their favorite weapons.

When you really break it down, narcissist texting is all about control, not connection.

Phase One: The Love Bombing Flood

The cycle almost always starts with love bombing. This is when your phone lights up constantly with messages like:

• “Good morning, my soulmate.”
• “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”
• “We’re going to have the most amazing life together.”
• “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

On the surface, these kinds of texts feel intoxicating. Finally, someone is showering you with attention, passion, and what seems like genuine affection. But here’s the truth: it’s not about you. It’s about hooking you.

The narcissist uses love bombing to flood your brain with dopamine. Every ping, every little notification from them, triggers your brain’s reward system, making you crave more and more of those messages. You start living for the next text.

This also sets the bar sky-high. Once you’re used to daily “I love you” messages, pulling away later will hurt even more. That’s the plan. Those texts aren’t love—they’re bait.

Phase Two: The Crushing Silence

Just as you’re floating on cloud nine from all that love bombing, it stops. The “good morning” texts vanish. The promises of forever go silent. Hours turn into days, and you start second-guessing yourself.

• Did I do something wrong?
• Are they angry with me?
• Did I misread everything?

That’s exactly what they want. Silence is one of the narcissist’s favorite weapons. By disappearing, they force you to chase them. It’s also a punishment—sometimes for something you said, sometimes just because they feel like pulling away.

This is the texting version of the silent treatment. It keeps you off balance, anxious, and hooked. You never know when they’ll return, and that unpredictability is addictive in its own cruel way.

Phase Three: The Sudden Reappearance

Just when you’ve nearly given up, your phone lights up again.

• “Hey stranger.”
• “I miss you.”
• “My dog’s sick, I need you.”
• “I’m in hospital.”

This is the narcissist’s way of hoovering—sucking you back into the cycle. Sometimes it’s fake emergencies designed to trigger your empathy. Sometimes it’s vague guilt trips like “I guess you don’t care about family anymore” from a narcissistic parent. Sometimes it’s the anxiety-inducing “We need to talk” from a narcissistic boss.

Whatever the message, the goal is the same: to reel you back in. They know exactly how to pull your strings.

Why Texting Works So Well for Narcissists

There’s a reason narcissists rely on text messages so much.

• Control of timing – They decide when to engage and when to disappear.
• Ambiguity – They can keep things vague and twist their words later.
• Wide net – They can text multiple people at once, keeping all their “supply” options open.
• Unpredictability – By mixing affection with silence, they keep you hooked, waiting for the next dopamine hit.

It’s cruel, calculated, and incredibly effective—until you learn how to spot the game.

How to Break Free from Narcissist Texting Games

So, how do you stop being the puppet on the other end of their phone? Here are some powerful strategies:

1. Set Boundaries

You do not owe anyone an immediate reply. A healthy person will respect your time and space. If a message feels manipulative, you can step back, delay your response, or not respond at all.

2. Don’t Overexplain

Every long explanation you send is fuel for their fire. Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, so keeping things short and simple robs them of that power.

3. Recognize the Pattern

When you understand the cycle—love bombing, silence, reappearance—you can predict it. That recognition helps you prepare emotionally instead of being blindsided.

4. Use the Gray Rock Method

Respond like a rock: boring, neutral, unemotional. Say things like “Noted,” or “Please clarify.” The less emotion you give, the less supply they get.

5. Go No Contact (If Possible)

Sometimes the only way to truly break free is to block them everywhere. It may feel extreme, but your peace is worth more than their constant chaos.

6. If No Contact Isn’t Possible

In cases like co-parenting or family ties, keep messages factual and businesslike. Avoid emotion, keep things short, and stick to logistics. Screenshot everything if you need to protect yourself from future gaslighting.

Healing After Narcissist Texting Abuse

Breaking free from the narcissist texting cycle doesn’t end the moment you stop responding. Your brain has been wired to expect those little hits of attention, and withdrawal is real.

Here’s how to support yourself as you heal:

• Digital detox – Take breaks from your phone and limit your notifications.
• Support system – Surround yourself with people who validate your experience.
• Therapy – A professional can help you untangle the manipulation and rebuild your confidence.
• Self-compassion – Missing their texts doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you were manipulated. Healing takes time.

Eventually, you’ll realize that the power was never in their messages—it was in your reaction to them. Once you stop playing their game, their texts lose their grip.

Final Thoughts

Your phone should not be a source of panic. It should not feel like a battlefield where every ping sends you into a spiral. Narcissist texting is just another tool of control, designed to keep you hooked. But once you see the cycle clearly, you can step out of it.

Remember this: unread messages do not diminish your worth. The best revenge against a narcissist is not the perfect comeback text—it’s living well without their chaos.

As the saying goes, the best revenge is living well without waiting for their permission.