You Might Be in a Narcissistic Relationship If..…

Ever find yourself constantly second-guessing your reality, apologising for things you didn’t do, or walking on eggshells to avoid someone’s anger? These are not just “relationship problems” — they may be signs you’re caught in the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

(For 1:1 online counselling/support in healing from and understanding your own toxic relationship please visit my website at www.brighteroutlookcounselling.com.au)

In this episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys, I break down the red flags that often go unnoticed until it’s too late. From subtle gaslighting to love bombing, manipulation, silent treatments, and emotional withdrawal, I’ll walk you through the patterns that reveal whether your partner, friend, or even family member might be a narcissist.

Narcissists thrive on confusion — but once you start seeing clearly, you reclaim your power.

Order my best-selling book,  Fake Love,  here https://mybook.to/F3gm

If you feel like you’re losing yourself in love, it’s not love — it’s control.

Transcript

You Might Be in a Narcissistic Relationship If…

Let’s be real—relationships are supposed to lift us up, not break us down. But if you’ve ever found yourself lying awake at night wondering why does this feel so hard?, or second-guessing your every word and action, it could be a sign that something much deeper is going on.

Many people in unhealthy relationships struggle with this nagging confusion, constant self-doubt, and that heavy feeling that something simply isn’t right. And if you’re constantly walking on eggshells, drained, and just trying to “keep the peace,” it might be worth asking the hard question: Am I in a relationship with a narcissist?

Now, I know that’s a big call. But stick with me, because understanding the signs of a narcissistic relationship can help you make sense of your experiences—and maybe even validate those instincts you’ve been brushing aside.

The Seduction Stage: Love Bombing

At the start, narcissistic relationships rarely look unhealthy. In fact, they often feel intoxicating. Narcissists are masters at love bombing—showering you with affection, attention, praise, and gifts.

It can feel like you’ve met your soulmate. They tell you you’re “the one,” they can’t stop texting, and they make you feel more alive than you’ve ever felt. The highs are so high that you ignore the little red flags.

But here’s the kicker: love bombing isn’t genuine devotion. It’s bait. It hooks you in, making the later criticism and manipulation even more confusing because you’ve seen how “amazing” they can be.

From Love to Control: The Shift

Over time, the relationship changes. The compliments turn into cutting remarks. The attentiveness becomes surveillance. The connection you once felt starts morphing into criticism, manipulation, and control.

And before you know it, you’re left feeling like a shell of yourself—wondering who you even are anymore.

Walking on Eggshells

If you’re constantly monitoring your words, your tone, or even your facial expressions because you don’t know how they’ll react—red flag. Love should never feel like you’re defusing a bomb every single day.

You might notice you’ve become an expert at reading their moods, scanning for subtle cues, just to avoid their cold shoulder or explosive outbursts. That’s not love. That’s survival.

The Mind Games: Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of the narcissist’s favorite weapons. They deny things you know they said. They twist your words. They make you feel like your memory can’t be trusted.

Before long, you’re thinking: Am I too sensitive? Did I imagine that? Maybe it’s me.

It’s not you. It’s manipulation. Gaslighting is designed to make you distrust your instincts and hand over control of your reality to them.

Everything Revolves Around Them

Your achievements, your feelings, your struggles—it all gets overshadowed by their stories, their problems, their bragging.

You might say, “I finished this big project at work today,” and they’ll come back with, “That’s nice, but my project is way more important.”

In healthy relationships, being seen and heard is the norm. With a narcissist, it’s a luxury.

Boundaries? What Boundaries?

In a healthy relationship, your “no” is respected. Your preferences are honored. With a narcissist, your boundaries are seen as obstacles to bulldoze.

Ask for space? They’ll take it personally. Say no? They’ll guilt trip you. Set a limit? They’ll push harder.

Boundaries are not respected because control is their priority.

The Drama and Chaos

Ever notice how the narcissist claims to hate drama, yet everywhere they go, chaos seems to follow? That’s because they create it.

Conversations leave you drained instead of supported. Arguments pop up out of nowhere. And no matter what, you always leave interactions feeling worse than when you started. That’s not normal. That’s a massive red flag.

The Silent Treatment

The cold shoulder isn’t just immaturity—it’s calculated cruelty. By ignoring you, they make you feel invisible, worthless, and desperate for their attention.

Healthy partners talk things out. Narcissists weaponize silence.

Fake Apologies

If they do say sorry, it’s often followed by excuses or blame-shifting. “I’m sorry, but you made me angry.” Real accountability? Forget it. Their apologies are just another manipulation tool.

Constant Self-Doubt

Before long, you’re apologizing for things you didn’t even do. You’re blaming yourself for problems that aren’t yours. That’s exactly where they want you—confused and doubting yourself.

Isolation

Another classic narcissistic move: cutting you off from your support system.

At first, it might be subtle. Little digs about your friends. Guilt-tripping you for wanting to see family. Eventually, you find yourself more and more alone—and more dependent on them.

And when you finally notice the isolation, they’ll twist it and blame you.

Hypocrisy and Double Standards

They can flirt, cancel plans, or talk to whoever they want. But if you so much as smile at someone else, it’s World War III.

The double standards are exhausting, unfair, and designed to keep you under control.

Trust Your Gut

Through it all, your intuition is probably screaming that something is off. But every time you try to listen, they convince you otherwise.

Here’s the truth: your gut is right. And it’s trying to protect you.

The Performance

Another sign—you start noticing how different they are in public compared to behind closed doors. In front of others, they’re charming, funny, generous. People rave about how lucky you are.

Meanwhile, at home, you’re dealing with their darker side and wondering if anyone would even believe you if you spoke up. That’s intentional. They create a mask for the world while you’re left questioning your sanity.

Fake Concern

Sometimes the manipulation comes dressed up as “caring.” Maybe you share a dream, and instead of encouragement, you get: Are you sure you can handle that?

It looks like advice, but really it’s planting seeds of self-doubt, keeping you small and reliant on their approval.

The Emotional Roller Coaster

One day you’re the love of their life, the next you’re nothing. They shower you with affection, then rip it away with criticism or silence.

This push-pull cycle is addictive. Your brain starts chasing the “high” of their approval, making it incredibly hard to walk away.

Using Your Vulnerabilities

The things you share in moments of intimacy—your fears, your past hurts—eventually get weaponized against you. What was once a bond becomes ammunition.

That’s not love. That’s cruelty.

Competing With You

Instead of cheering you on, they see your success as a threat. Your wins mean less attention for them, so they downplay or sabotage you.

Love should feel like a partnership. With a narcissist, it feels like you’re in a race you never signed up for.

Conflict With a Narcissist

Healthy conflict is about understanding and compromise. With a narcissist, conflict is a battlefield. They twist everything, deflect blame, and project their flaws onto you. Winning is all that matters to them.

Trauma Bonding: Why You Can’t Just Leave

If you’re thinking, Why can’t I walk away if it’s this bad?, you’re not alone.

The cycle of love bombing, gaslighting, and intermittent reinforcement creates a trauma bond. It’s addictive. You crave them even when they hurt you. You justify their actions and cling to the hope that they’ll change.

This doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. You’ve been caught in a web of emotional manipulation.

Reclaiming Your Life

The good news? Healing is possible. Step by step, boundary by boundary, you can reclaim your life, confidence, and joy.

Here’s where to start:

• Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse so you can recognize the patterns.
• Journal to see things clearly when your head feels foggy.
• Connect with trusted people who understand and support you.
• Set rock-solid boundaries and enforce them.
• Prioritize self-care and give yourself grace.
• If leaving is your goal, plan safely with the right support in place.

Final Thoughts

If any of this sounds familiar, please know this: you’re not imagining it, and it’s not your fault. Real love doesn’t drain you. Real love doesn’t manipulate you or make you question your worth.

You deserve kindness. You deserve respect. And you absolutely deserve a relationship that feels safe, secure, and nurturing.

Healing from a narcissistic relationship takes time, patience, and support. But it’s possible. Step by step, you can rebuild your confidence and your joy.

Because at the end of the day, love should feel like freedom—not a cage.