Lessons Learned: Loving, Accepting & Valuing Me

Have you ever felt defined by your mistakes, your circumstances, or the weight of your past? That feeling of being trapped in a narrative you didn't choose can be suffocating, especially when you're trying to walk in faith.

This deeply personal conversation explores three transformative lessons I've learned through my own journey of heartache and redemption. First, we dive into the critical foundation of loving, accepting, and valuing yourself. So many of us place the burden of our worth on relationships, only to discover an emptiness when those relationships change. I share how I learned—through difficult seasons—that self-worth must be established within before it can be recognized by others.

The conversation then shifts to my experience as a teenage mother and the powerful realization that early motherhood doesn't determine your destiny or limit your dreams. Whether you've experienced this yourself or know someone who has, this portion offers hope that paths can change without diminishing our purpose.

Perhaps most powerfully, we explore why we must refuse to be defined by our past mistakes. Using the analogy of driving while only looking in the rearview mirror, I explain why God calls us to acknowledge our past without remaining stuck there. Your history informs your testimony but doesn't determine your future.

This episode concludes with a heartfelt prayer for every woman feeling lost, undervalued, or trapped by her circumstances. Remember, you are positioned for purpose. Everything you've experienced—though God may not have caused it—He can use for His glory when you surrender it to Him. Your story matters, and someone else needs to hear how you overcame.

My prayer is this episode will  cause you to reflect and identify any of the lessons and determine to change if there are any.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Positioned for Purpose
• 0:50 Shout Out to Listener Tashana
• 1:40 Lesson One: Learning to Love Yourself
• 5:44 Lesson Two: Teenage Motherhood Doesn't Define You
• 8:19 Lesson Three: Don't Be Defined By Your Past
• 11:17 Encouragement and Prayer for Listeners
• 14:07 Closing and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi everyone, welcome. Thank you for joining us today on our Positioned for Purpose Conversations with Colette Marie podcast. I'm your host, colette Marie. Yes, our podcast is for women of faith who struggle to see God in the places of pain and hardship and who need a reminder, a gentle reminder, that, right where you are, god will use you In the mess, in the hardships, in the most challenging times, in your heartaches and in your pain. God has a greater plan for your story. Romans 8, 28 states, for we know that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose. Hi friends, welcome back to another conversation, so glad to have you. Before we jump into our conversation, I want to give a shout out to a review that I read recently from Tashana on. The episode was titled when God says no. Tashana, thank you so much for sharing your feedback with me. You stated that you want to give God thanks for grace and his love, because as soon as you learn to wait and as soon as you accepted his answer, he made it happen for you. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:26

Our conversation today will be focused on some lessons that I have learned and how they have been impacting my life, and these are the lessons that I share with my daughters and women as well. One of the first lessons that I have learned is to learn to love, to accept and value myself. Everything else will fall into place, and I learned this because for so long, I was someone who did not value myself, I did not accept myself, I did not love myself, and I believe after divorce I discovered those things about me, and so it would have caused heartache. It have caused pain for me to identify these areas in my life where I have not been paying attention to myself, where I'm allowing someone else to place a value on me, someone else to love and to accept me, and I'm not doing it for myself. And it wasn't easy acknowledging that these were areas that I was falling short in, but once I believed, the Holy Spirit just allowed me to see that these were some things that I needed to take care of for my own self. Then I had to start the journey of getting to a place of accepting myself, loving myself and placing a high value on myself.

Speaker 1: 2:53

When you combine all these, what would they look like? To me, it would look like making sure that my thoughts are in alignment. So, whatever my thoughts are, my emotions follow. So if my thoughts are negative, if my thoughts are telling me you're no good and all the negative things that you can say, then my emotions is going to follow. I'm going to act in that way and I'm going to sound that way as well. It's also follows in my speech. So that is something that I needed to learn and I'm going to sound that way as well. It's also follows in my speech. So that is something that I needed to learn and I needed to correct as well.

Speaker 1: 3:31

And so, even in learning that now and finding out now that I love myself, I accept myself and I value myself, I want to make sure that I remain there. Do you love and value? Do you accept yourself? Because, sisters, guess what?

Speaker 1: 3:48

Sometimes, oh my god, we place such a great weight on our spouses or the relationships that we are in, to love, to accept and to value us, and we don't have it for ourselves. And when these these relationships go, we will find out that we're not rediscovering ourselves, the things that we thought we knew about ourselves. We didn't know. And then we have to do the hard work of no digging to see what caused these things, what caused me to not have these things that should be in place not loving, not accepting, not valuing myself. And then, when you do, the hard work is to know rebuild. But it's a long road, right. So my, my lessons learned is something that I want to tell you learn to value yourself, place a high value on you, accept yourself for who you are, how you look, how you sound, everything about you, because guess what you're made and I you and I were made in God's image and likeness. No one else looks like us, and so when we start to you know, talk about how we look, and we start comparing ourselves, it's as if we're saying, lord, what you did, what you said was perfect, wasn't perfect, and that's a lesson that I had to learn. Also, you need to just surround yourself with people who will add value to your life. You notice the keyword add value. That means value is already there. Value is already established within you, right? So surround yourself with people who will add value to your life.

Speaker 1: 5:39

The second lesson that I've learned because I was a teenage mom. The second lesson that I've learned because I was a teenage mom we tend to think that, because we were teenage moms, that our lives are a reflection of the choices that we make. We almost feel as if oh, my word, this is going to be my heritage. I'm a high school dropout or I'm a college dropout, I'm a teenage mom, mama, and we start to define ourselves by that. No, and being a teenage mom, can I tell you if you are a teenage or a young adult listening, can I tell you something? Being a mom, being a teenage mom, does not deter you from your dreams. No, it does not. It does not deter you from your dreams. No, it does not. It does not deter you from your dreams. You have to know right. That does not define who you are.

Speaker 1: 6:44

And, as someone who was a teenage mom and my daughter is mid thirties at this point in time I'm thankful for the decision that I made. I'm thankful for the decision that I made. I remember hearing that news while I came home from visit from college and hearing that news in my very first semester and I had to drop out. The fact, that is, I did not allow it to deter and determine who I am. It did not deter me from proceeding, while I might not have gone back to college that's a personal choice but I've done other professional certifications and I am comfortable with who I am.

Speaker 1: 7:33

So, if you are a college adult and it is your desire to return to school, return to school, pursue higher education, do what makes your heart sing, but don't believe that because you had a child at a young age, it means that you are defined by that. No, my sister, that does not define who you are. If you have support, return to college, fulfill your dreams while raising and loving your child fiercely. Trust me, after the storm, you will have a testimony, you will have a testimony. Have a testimony, you will have a testimony.

Speaker 1: 8:15

And the third thing do not be defined by your past. Do not be defined by your past Because, honestly, we can look back at the mistakes that we've made and we use those to define who we are. We say but we are not our mistakes. No, we're not our mistakes. We learn from the mistakes that we've made and we determine that, listen, I am not going to do this thing again. We learn the lessons and then we move on and sometimes we're stuck there, we're stuck in the past, and I can tell you that there are years that I was stuck in the past, but the things that I did and I said how could you have done these things? And I did some of these things while I was a Christian. I said how could you have done these things, how could you have? And I found that I felt so guilty, even after asking the Lord for forgiveness, and I felt like being remaining stuck right there. But can I tell you that's not the place where the Lord wants you to be. He wants you to acknowledge the past, but then forgive yourself and then move on. Forgive yourself, forgive others and then move on.

Speaker 1: 9:37

Being stuck in the past means that the road that God has for you, you'll not be able to travel on it because you keep looking in the rearview mirror. Yes, we look back, but we look back to move forward. So what is in the past? We look back to move forward. So what is in the past? We course correct and we move forward.

Speaker 1: 10:07

So where are you today? Are you in a place where you feel as if, oh my gosh, the past is so weighing down heavily on you and you feel as if God has forgotten you and has neglected you? You and you feel as if God has forgotten you and has neglected you. No, he has not. He is right, there with you. All he's saying is you've been looking in the rear view mirror for far too long. Look ahead, look ahead, look ahead. It's ahead. You'll find the direction. It's ahead. You will find the road that he has for the purpose that he has created you for. But you have to be willing to move ahead. You have to be willing to take your head, spin your head back, move it from the sides and look before you. Look at the great plans that God has for your life and be determined that you want to fulfill those plans.

Speaker 1: 10:55

Can I tell you these lessons learned are from the first chapter in my book, and the first chapter was on the alabaster box and it's talking about Put my praise on God when I think of where I have been and everything that has happened in my life, the lessons that I have learned. I wanted to share that with you today, just in case you may be in a place where you're finding it hard to accept yourself. You're finding it hard to love yourself, you're finding it hard to value yourself. You may be a teenage mom and you think that there is no worth left in you and you may be focused on the past, thinking there is no future. Today I want to encourage you that you have a great future. You have a great future. Learn to love yourself and if you don't know how the Holy Spirit will guide you, put value on you.

Speaker 1: 11:54

Don't allow anyone else to come to value you. When that is taken away because people are fickle, then what are you left with? What are you left with Then? That's the question to ask. But when you love and you accept and you value yourself, even when relationships go, you are still left with those feelings intact. You may be bruised a little, but at least you will not be starting all over.

Speaker 1: 12:23

Remember your past does not define you. You define it by the way you step forward into the future, into what God has in store for you. Remember you are positioned for purpose. Everything that you have been through, though, god did not cause them, he allowed them. If you're a believer, that's what happens and at the end of the day, if you allow him to, he's going to use it all for his glory and for his honor. Because guess what, sisters, someone else needs to hear your story, how you overcame and how you're now using what you've been through to be a blessing.

Speaker 1: 13:07

Lord, I thank you for my sister.

Speaker 1: 13:10

You know where she is, you know what she's struggling with, almighty God, and I pray that today you will help her, show her to love herself, or to accept herself and to value herself, because you see her, almighty God, as a valuable father.

Speaker 1: 13:27

You see her as valuable and I pray, almighty God, that she will experience this. Lord God, help her to see, lord God, that her past does not define her. Almighty God, because, lord Jesus, you have great plans for her, lord God, but she will use, almighty God, all that she's been through as stepping stones for your glory. I lift her up before you tonight and I thank you, lord, that she is positioned for purpose, for we know all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose. Bye and see you next time. If you enjoyed this week episode and found a value in it, would you consider liking, subscribing on either Apple, spotify or iHeart podcast, share with a friend or leave a review on the show. You doing that helps to allow other persons to find this podcast and also make it be a blessing to them. Looking forward to see you next week.