Navigating Life As A Single Parent

The journey of single parenthood often feels like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Every decision, every struggle, every moment of joy belongs solely to you - a reality I've lived through as a single mother raising two daughters.

When I became a mother at 18, I quickly discovered the raw truth about raising a child alone. Despite growing up in a two-parent household, I was unprepared for the emotional, spiritual, and financial challenges ahead. Without extended family nearby, the isolation made everything harder. Simple luxuries like personal time became impossible when every dollar went toward necessities. The emotional toll left me wondering how I maintained my sanity through those years.

My faith became my anchor. During moments when I felt I couldn't continue, when the burden seemed too heavy, I turned to God and my church community. These connections provided not just spiritual guidance but practical support when I needed it most. Yet I still made mistakes - harsh words spoken in frustration, discipline administered in anger rather than wisdom. As my mother wisely noted, "Three things never return: the spoken word, the sped arrow, and the missed opportunity."

This conversation examines how single parents can navigate life's challenges by cultivating emotional stability and spiritual awareness. I share personal stories about making tough choices, seeking community support, and finding balance between caring for children and investing in personal growth. For those raising children alone, particularly after divorce, this message offers hope that with faith and community, you can not only survive but thrive.

The sacrifices of single parenthood are immense, but remember - you're raising the next generation. Children live what they learn. Your resilience, your faith, and your love are shaping their futures in profound ways. Join me for this heartfelt discussion about finding purpose and strength when parenting alone. See you next week for part 2.

Chapters

• 0:14 Welcome to Positioned for Purpose
• 1:22 The Reality of Single Parenting
• 4:36 Finding Community Support
• 9:41 Making Tough Choices and Sacrifices
• 13:40 Emotional Stability and Spiritual Support
• 20:15 Reflecting and Looking Forward
• 25:00 Closing Prayer

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:14

Welcome back to another episode of Positioned for Purpose Conversations with Colette Marie. Hi, I'm your host, colette. Thank you so much for joining me today. Now, on today's episode, we'll be talking about navigating life as a single parent. That was a request from one of our viewers or listeners, sorry who wanted to ask how do you navigate life as a single parent, especially after divorce? So today, if this is a conversation that you would like to hear about, will you not stick around and listen? I would love to hear your feedback, your thoughts, your comments. You can leave that on your favorite listening platform, whether it's Spotify or on Apple podcast. Before I jump right in, I just want to give a quick shout out to my first time purchaser of a product from off my site, and that's annette. Thank you so much for purchasing the books. You've mentioned that. They are truly a blessing to you. Specifically, you ordered the devotional. Thank you so much. Now. Today we want to talk about navigating life as a single parent. Can I tell you something that's a hard job to do. I don't believe. Well, I know we weren't made to do parenting by ourselves. It's a hard job. It's a hard job. It's a hard job.

Speaker 1: 1:45

I remember raising my first daughter and how challenging that was. And I was a mom at 18 years old raising a child by myself. Of course I was with my parents so I could, let's say, saw what happened in raising kids, but then that was a two-parent household, but just understanding the rope of what to do with a child. Now that's different when you are now raising that child by yourself, without the other party being present. I remember talking to my youngest daughter and one of her friends one day and she was saying how proud I must be of my daughters and at that point it caused me to reflect and I remember saying to her, honestly, it was such a hard task. It was something that I wondered, just looking back, how I managed, how did I maintain my mental faculties is the word that I want to use how did I manage? Truthfully, I couldn't have managed without the Lord by me, and I mean in terms of just having to ask him for help. Help so that I didn't lose my mind. Help so that when the days were long and hard, because one of the things when you're a single parent and especially when you're raising that child without other help and I'm not just talking about the child's father. I'm talking about a wider community. Without that family structure your grandparents and aunts and uncles and you know those and cousins around then you are basically just by yourself, and it makes it even more harder.

Speaker 1: 3:40

I was saying to her that there are some times that I wanted to go out, just needed a break, and there was nowhere to go because you had no one to take the kids. You had to think of taking them with you. No, when finances are tight, when finances are tight, you can't take everyone, and so back in those days I didn't have a car, so it's not like I could say okay, we're just going to go drive somewhere, go to the park or somewhere. That did not cost anything. Everything there was a cost. If you're thinking that you're gonna have to take a bus or take a cab to go there, where is that money coming from? Because you have to think of the bigger things that are needed a roof over or over our heads, clothes to wear, school fee, lunch all of that had to be provided for and someone to be there for aftercare as well. So there was no finances there to think of. Oh yes, it's ideal that I would want to go out, just to have some alone time by myself, but honestly, something like that would was a luxury, and it's a luxury that I could not afford. So when I'm thinking now of just what the everyday looks like, what the everyday looks like, what the everyday looks like, remember you're not only thinking of the child or the children that you have to take care of. You still have your own emotions that you have to deal with, your own needs, your own challenges of life. How is all of this going to play out? Life? How is all of this going to play out? How is it all going to play out while you still have this responsibility? In my case, at that time, it was one child. How was I going to manage? But I can tell you that over a period of time, as I had friends and while they didn't keep them, but just someone to talk to, someone to share with, to say this is what is happening that actually made a difference. That actually made a difference to have support of friends who can encourage you in the moment. They might not be able to do anything else, might not be able to keep a child for you, but at least just having someone else, a grown-up, to talk to it made a significant difference, as I thought too.

Speaker 1: 6:14

As I got married and had my second child, I think. For me it felt easier, because the burden was no longer on one person, it was on two person. There were two incomes coming in, and it felt like the emotional, the spiritual, the financial, um, the physical burden was not only borne by one person, you had two persons. But then I got divorced. So now, instead of having one child, I now had two children to take care of.

Speaker 1: 6:49

And man, was it difficult. And so we can say that it is beautiful because we have our children, but it costs us something, that emotional turmoil within ourselves to say, oh my, how am I going to, how am I going to manage? But do you know what? And this is where my faith played a big part in all of that? Because I had to lean into God. I need to. I had to lean into my church family. I definitely had to be there.

Speaker 1: 7:23

So church played a huge deal, a huge part of their growing up and of my getting that level of feeling like support, because there was community. Well, they weren't blood relatives, but these were men and women who were concerned about us and who wanted to be there for us as well, and so you had to take whatever help that you could get, and I'm I'm thankful for the people that I had around me who were able to come alongside me and be a help, give a word of encouragement and sometimes just slip your little envelope with a little something extra in it. That goes a long way. That goes a long way. So, while my daughters are grown and fending for their own selves and having their own families as well, the fact is that they learned some lessons, and I remember one of the older ones said you know, she learned some lessons as well.

Speaker 1: 8:31

Because we have to understand how important it is, as we're raising our children and as things are hard, we need community support. We need community support because sometimes, when we are challenged, sometimes when things just aren't going right, we have to watch what we say. We have to watch what we say about our children, the words that we speak over them. Those words have life and they have power, so we have to be mindful. There are some things that I said over my daughters that honestly, honestly, if I could take those back, if I could take those back, if I could take those back, I would in a quick minute. In a quick minute I would, because when we are faced with challenges, you lash out at them. Well, maybe let me not say that generally. I lashed out, I lashed out at them. Of course I was sorry when it was done, of course I was sorry, but the words were already spoken. The words were already spoken and, as my mama always remind me, there are three things. I think she said that comes not but the spoken word, the sped around, the missed opportunity. So those spoken words cannot be reversed. But thank God, for the blood of Jesus Christ, that when I get it to really understand how powerful my words are, that I could say, lord, you know, I said those in ignorance. Please forgive me and let not what I say be anything that blights their future At all at all. And I'm thankful because I believe God heard the cries of my heart. I believe that he did so.

Speaker 1: 10:40

If you are a single parent today and you are raising these children by yourself and you're asking Lord, when are you going to send help? Help might not come in the form that you wanted, but lean into the community. If you have a church community, lean into that community. If you have a group of friends who are there to encourage you, even just to come over with you, to sit with you, while lean into that, because that is also a level of support that actually helps us as we go through these times. As can I tell you something? I don't know, but I think parenting now is even harder than I did, than when I did it decades ago. There's so much more to contend with and, of course, there are still some of the same issues that children faced then as well, but it somehow feels different. So navigating life as a single parent means we have to find some type of community to be able to help us, because one of the things that I do know also happen outside of lashing out at our children is that we can abuse them physically as well. We can slap them more than we should Right, than we should right, and we're doing that only because of what is happening, our own inner turmoil, our own emotional challenges that we're going through. So we have to be careful, we have to be mindful in these days when we are raising these kids by themselves.

Speaker 1: 12:15

A friend and I just had a conversation about just raising children, a single parent and the choices that we have to make. We have to make some tough choices because the choices come down to. There are some things that we would want to do for ourselves, but we understand that if we did this for ourselves, then the kids are deprived of something else. So it comes down to making a choice what is best for the family? And it will not always be like that, because as they grow and as they learn and as they understand, there are some things then that we can take on for ourselves to make life better for everyone. Because, can I tell you, it requires sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice and I know that's not a word that we really always want to hear, but you have to give up something. Always want to hear, but you have to give up something. You have to give up something, but you determine what is that thing that you want to give up to gain this other thing. And the question that you need to ask is does this other thing that you really are hoping to get, will it be worth it? Will the sacrifice that you make be worth it? What will you lose? How will it affect your family? How will it affect your family? Those are things that you will have to weigh.

Speaker 1: 13:44

I raised two girls and I'm thankful that, even though I made so many mistakes, that as I grew older, as I matured and as I tapped into my faith and the community that God placed me with, I believe I started to become a better mother. So no longer could I pine away to say, well, it's only one income and it's only me alone that is taking care of these girls. No, I had to focus on taking care of them and taking care of me as well, and I had to go to school. I had to go back to school. I had to go back to school because if you want to earn a little extra to take care of them as well, to make sure that they have a better future than you have, do the things that you wanted to do, but couldn't you want to give them that opportunity. It also means that you also have to better yourselves. No, I didn't have a degree. I did not went back to college. I'm a college dropout and I did not go back. But what I did was to get professional certifications, and I know, sometimes the big thing is that you want to go to college but suppose that is not what you can afford now and some professional certifications are what will help you that, as the kids grow, you're bettering yourself, you're making yourself more marketable, because the goal is so that you can go back to college. What will that do? The goal is so that you can go back to college. What will that do?

Speaker 1: 15:16

One of the things that I want to encourage you to do don't only do it only because of the children. Some of these things you have to do for your own self. You have to do it because of how it makes you feel, where it will take you, because the children are going to grow up and it will not matter to them, but it will matter to you. So those choices that you're making, you have to make some of those choices for the betterment of yourself. Not necessarily for everyone, because sometimes, when we do that, when these kids are grown and gone, we realize that everything that we did was for them and we did nothing for ourselves, and it's almost as if now we will have to start life all over.

Speaker 1: 16:03

So this week I want to focus on two things, because this is going to be a part two of this. We want to look at the emotional stability and spiritual support. Check yourselves, check your emotions. What's happening when the children are out of hand. What's that doing on the inside of you and how do you react? How do you respond when they are misbehaving? Are you prone to use your voice or use your hand, or do you just walk away and say kids will be kids? How do you discipline them? Because that's also important. What do you do in this time? Because checking our emotions is key so we understand what are the triggers. So the kids do this. This is something that triggers me and it triggers me in this way. What can I do? We need to check that. We need to check that Because it's important, because what I know, based on my own experience as well, is that whatever emotional baggage that I'm dealing with I'm dealing with a breakup or I'm dealing with a divorce, I'm dealing with some financial issues, and my emotions are all out of place and in those moments, I can say or do something that's not good.

Speaker 1: 17:36

That's not good, that's not good for me and it's not good for the recipients, which are the children. So our emotions are key to help us to navigate life as a single parent, when we sometimes I remember having to seek help for my daughters, especially as I was going through this divorce and I remember that the help was basically for them. There was none for me. So while we are navigating, ensuring that they're emotionally well, I didn't have that opportunity to do that for myself. So remember I talked about doing some things not only for the children. We have to do it for ourselves as well. What did that breakup cost you? How did it make you feel about yourself? How did it affect your self-esteem, your values, how did it affect you? So that's something that you will have to explore.

Speaker 1: 18:40

If you have the finances to see a therapist or a counselor, then you go ahead and do it. If you don't have that, find a church, community, somewhere that offers some type of help that you could get. That will help you to be the mom or the parent that God has created us to be, because, truth be told, he knew that we were going to be. He knew the choices we would make and he knew what the choices would result in that we would be raising children by ourselves. But I'm thankful that God has equipped us with the grace and the strength to go and do these things, but we can't do it without him.

Speaker 1: 19:21

We can't do it without him, as I said before that my faith plays a big part in how I raised my children. My faith played a big part in that. Even when I said things that I should not have said and I did things that I should not have and I did things that I should not have, I hit them when I shouldn't have have hit them. Let's be clear now. I did not abuse them. So let's be clear, right, I might have slapped them sometimes when it was not necessary for them to get a slap, but because I'm dealing with my own trauma, my own own challenges, it comes out in that way as well. So we have to be careful. So while at that point, at that time, I didn't think that I needed help, looking back no, I needed it, and not because I relied on my faith meant that I don't need to go and get help. Of course, but Jesus first. Jesus first, and then everything else comes after. That's what. That's what that's what I would have done if I would was able to live my life all over again. There's some different changes that I would have made in the way how I raised my girls.

Speaker 1: 20:42

So the spiritual support is key. The spiritual support is key. We need friends who will remind us of what the word of God says. We need friends who will pray with us. We need friends who will encourage us. We need friends who will tell us the hard truth. We need those persons around us.

Speaker 1: 21:07

This journey cannot be done by ourselves. We cannot do it by ourselves. We cannot raise our children by ourselves. Honestly, it is hard to do that, very hard to do that, without support, without support. We need that level of support. So who are you leaning on? Who are you leaning on? Who are you leaning on as you are raising your children by yourselves? Who are you leaning on? Where are you getting your support from? Where are you getting your support from? Because that is also key. That's also key. So we understand that there are some sacrifices that we will have to make for the better of the entire family. What will that sacrifice cost us? Because that's something that we have to weigh as well. That's something that we have to weigh as well so that we can make the best decision possible so that the entire family comes out of this well. So that the entire family comes out of this well.

Speaker 1: 22:27

Can I encourage you, my sister or my brother, who is listening? Because we also know that men are single parent as well. There are some men who are raising their children by themselves, and so the same type of encouragement I give for one, I give for all that find a community. Find a community. I know that work. We can get caught up in work, because to give the kids everything that they want, to have a roof over their heads, you might have two or three jobs. But when you do that, how is the relationship with your children? How is the relationship with your children? I don't know your story and I'm not telling you what is best for you, but all I want you to do is to be reminded that you are raising the next generation.

Speaker 1: 23:19

Children live what they learn, and so we have to set the best examples before them. I never set the best example before my kids. I know I didn't, but do you know what I did? As they got older, I apologized, and even recently I did, because you don't know what you don't know, and so you operate in ignorance because you know no better, but know when you know better. I felt it was necessary for me to say to my daughters that I'm sorry for the things that I said about them. I'm sorry for the way I treated them. I truly am, and that's why our emotional stability and our spiritual awareness is very important. Having a faith community that helps you along the journey is critical, is very critical. So today in our podcast, we just look at two things. We talked about the importance of being emotionally and spiritually aware and sensitive to what's happening around us and have a community of faith. I shared a little of my journey of raising my children and what that felt like. If this is something that has been a blessing to you, I hope that you will share this episode with someone else. Share this with someone else who you believe that would help to make the journey easier for them. And see you next week when we look at part two and part two is looking at the financial aspect of raising children by ourselves.

Speaker 1: 24:58

Let us pray, heavenly Father. I thank you. Thank you, lord God, that you watch over us. Thank you, lord God, for my sister and my brother, who may be raising their children by themselves.

Speaker 1: 25:10

Almighty God, father, they may be feeling lost. They may be feeling alone. Almighty God, they may be feeling, lord God, that where is the help? They feel like they're at their wits end. Lord, I pray that you will send help. I pray that you will strengthen, I pray that you will undergo them with your grace, your peace and your power, almighty God, and you will let them know that they are not alone, lord, I pray, lord, even now, almighty God, for the children that they are raising, that they'll be men and women of integrity, lord God, men and women, almighty God, will see the sacrifices that their parents made. Know, lord God, that they are doing the absolute best for them and that, lord God, they will come to be appreciative, almighty God, and that they love their parents. Lord, I thank you. Thank you for this privilege that you've given me to share, almighty God, with your people. I pray, lord God, that your grace and your favor will continue to rest upon us. In your name, I pray with thanksgiving. Amen and amen.