Episode 16: Acceptance & Surrender: Surrendering Isn't Losing—It's Joining the Winning Team

Surrender and acceptance - two simple words that hold the key to unlocking recovery. Whether you're new to recovery or have years of sobriety, this episode offers fresh insights into how surrender and acceptance create freedom rather than limitation. The conversation delves into the challenging nature of surrender for those accustomed to controlling everything around them. Both hosts reflect on their tendency to dominate situations and how recovery has taught them to create space for others. They distinguish between the initial profound surrender that begins recovery and the daily practice of acceptance that sustains it

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Transcript

Rich GHost

00:01

Addiction to Purpose with Riches in Recovery welcomes you to our audience. We hope that you enjoy today's show and will join the discussion by dropping a review or comment. It would be tremendous if you would like rate and share our content, or even subscribe to our channel. Please be aware that not all conversations on this show are suitable for children. Additionally, we may talk about things such as sexual abuse, domestic violence and drug or alcohol abuse. If you feel that these things may trigger you, please do not tune in. Finally, if you are a heavy daily user of alcohol or drugs and are considering quitting, please consult a medical professional for assistance. Welcome to the conversation. Hi, welcome to another episode of Addiction to Purpose with Riches in Recovery. This is my man, rich V, and I'm Rich G, and we're really happy that you joined us today. 

00:57

I do want to mention kind of like on the front end of the show here that we're going to have a little bit of a change in episode releases For me. 

01:06

Just life has gotten busy again with school and some other things going on and uh, which is a good thing, it is a very good thing. But being that right now, all of the background of this as far as editing and things like that is sort of a one-man show. I just need to slow down. Stop this man. I just need to slow down a little bit to make sure that when we do release uh episodes that we're putting out something that is really good quality and something that we're proud of and something that's very consumable for you all. Um. So instead of doing a weekly release, we're going to switch up to doing releases on the 1st and the 15th of each month. Um, and that might change down the road. We might be able to go back to weekly at some point, you know, particularly if we find some volunteer staff or something like that where we're able to take a little bit of the busy work that the show requires off of me. But for now we're just going to do 1st and 15th and be happy with that. 

Rich VCo-host

02:03

And if you haven't seen any of our previous shows, you can go back and get caught up on them. 

Rich GHost

02:10

Yep. 

Rich VCo-host

02:11

Then get caught up on everything, and so it might work out for everyone. 

Rich GHost

02:16

Yeah, absolutely. We do have a handful. We've got 15 shows that we've already released, and that was at a time when life was less busy and it was a real blessing to be able to do this show during that time, and I want to keep the show as part of my part of my life, part of my program. 

Rich VCo-host

02:32

Oh yeah, um, but I've got to also make room for other things, so well it's doing the show is a good time and I think we do give you some good information and so definitely want we are going to keep doing the show for sure. Um and uh giving us some, uh, feedback. Um, you know giving us, uh, some ideas that you would like us just to discuss. You know some ideas that you've got some from our previous shows. Um, you know giving us some feedback and, uh, that might spur us on to do, you know, a show just on your idea. You know that might give us an idea just to run back and, who knows, we might just do a show on that. You never know what gets through our heads. 

Rich GHost

03:16

Absolutely yeah, we have a few things brewing. 

03:21

But you know it's always great to get some outside influence so that it's not just us thinking about it, and, of course, any input from our audience, things that would interest you would be fantastic. Today I was kind of racking my brain about what to do because we had taken a little break and I hadn't been thinking about the show that much and, of course, course me and my you know addictive and obsessive personality I'm like really racking my brain. I'm like wait a minute, this is pretty basic, you know, kind of stuff that we can go with, and so we've decided to go back to like one of the real basic things and that is the acceptance and surrender piece of the program is the acceptance and surrender piece of the program. 

Rich VCo-host

04:09

That's what really got me rolling in. My sobriety is once I finally was able to give it up, once I finally was able to just release it and then accept my alcoholism and the hold it had on me. That really was what I started started. This gear started working. You know, the heart started working. That was the really cornerstone of my. My sobriety is when I was able to give it up and release it and that's boom. Yeah, that was the cornerstone for things. 

Rich GHost

04:44

Absolutely. I mean, it's step one to a great extent is coming to terms with the fact that, due to whatever your addiction was, your life had become completely unmanageable, and I know that was very true for me and for many, many people that I know that are in recovery. That was. You know that acceptance and surrender was potentially one of the most difficult parts to really come to terms with. You know it's uh, you, you start showing up to meetings or you show up to to rehab, or you show up to some of those things and and just showing up I've learned from my own experience for me was not acceptance and surrender, whereas in my head I thought like maybe that was it, but it wasn't. That wasn't the real thing. That was me out. You know that was my. That was a cry for help. 

05:48

You know um that was me first before oh thank you yeah, yeah, that was uh. Anyway, yeah, we'll get to questions, but uh, but yeah, today's show is about acceptance and surrender yeah and, as we're talking, if you have something that you'd like to share with us or the rest of our audience, we'd love to see your comments in the show or your comments about what acceptance and surrender might mean to you or your experience in it. 

Rich VCo-host

06:16

Those are always some of the best stories. What happened to them when they finally accepted, you know, accepted and surrendered is there's some great stories about, you know cause that is just such a powerful moment for them to do it. But I want to, you know let's. What are we grateful for today? Yeah, no doubt Always at the start. 

Rich GHost

06:39

I almost breezed through it, but yeah, so what are you grateful for? Yeah, yeah, I'll have a lot of gratitude, so I'm you grateful for today. 

Rich VCo-host

06:43

Yeah, I didn't want to miss it. Yeah, I'll have a lot of gratitude. I'm really grateful for old friends. This week I was able to contact some old friends and you know I don't know about you but for me sometimes you know you got good friends and you know you get busy, they get busy and sometimes you know you just stop contacting each other. Sometimes you know you just stop contacting each other. 

07:07

And you know I've gotten a hold of a couple friends you know, just in the last couple weeks that I hadn't talked to for quite some time and it was just great getting a hold of them. You know, it just really was. And there are, you know, people that have been to the program. One you know was my litter mate from 10 years ago and you know we'd been, you know, the first four years of our sobriety we're, you know, inseparable, went to meetings together, did H&I together, everything like that, and just life had kind of separated each other and called them and it was just the greatest time to talk to each other and we're going to go out to lunch and all that sort of stuff and so yeah, I'm very grateful for old friends and it just has been great contacting. I got a couple more. I'm going to get a hold of you know, and it's just, yeah, it's nice to be able to do that, so, so that's what I'm grateful for. 

Rich GHost

08:05

Love that, love that. And for me this was a couple weeks back, but I haven't talked about it on the show, but a couple weeks back I got the opportunity to go to a camping trip with one of my fellowship groups, a men's fellowship group, and that was just a fantastic time group, and that was just a fantastic time. It was really awesome to, you know, just get out in the woods with a bunch of other men that are in recovery and share stories and make food together and just, you know, hang out for a few days without thinking about the outside world and just being part of the group and, you know, being being part of something that was greater than myself, right, and so that was really fun, it was really a blessing and I got to form, you know, more relationships than I had before within the group, so it was really good. 

Rich VCo-host

08:53

Yeah, it's kind of funny. When I first started working with Rich, I told him to go. It would be a good idea for him to go to a meeting with these guys. And you know, I told him go to these meetings and let these guys love you up. And he told me, rich says to me go to a meeting and have guys love me up. And he was thinking to myself what are you talking about? Well, this group of guys is an exceptional group that Rich has gotten involved with and finally understands what it means by what I meant by. You know, let these guys love you up Because, yeah, there's just, yeah, it's a good group of people. 

Rich GHost

09:34

Yeah, the support and love and care that they show for one another is really genuine, and sometimes it comes from a hard place, but it's meant for goodness and there's definitely a very gentle side to things as well, but sometimes it can be a little hard, but it's all meant for you, or you should be needed, yeah, because sometimes you need somebody to say stop being a dumbass and that's okay. Um, uh, but, but, uh, but it's definitely not all like that. You know there's plenty of uh tearing up and big bear hugs and uh, uh, yeah, just genuine uh men being real friends to to one another and showing real support to one another. It was really great, um, yeah. So thanks for reminding me not to pass by the grateful moment, because gratitude is incredibly important. Gratitude, it's like as important as breathing. I'm grateful for gratitude even. Yeah, absolutely right. What are you grateful for today? Gratitude. 

10:44

Love it, so getting back to giving it up, you know you to so the surrender, the kind of the first thing that I wrote down, uh, you know, I kind of put surrender first and then acceptance later. Um, just a few little little notes on it, and the first thing I wrote down, because I just love this quote it comes from an unknown source, but it's Surrender is moving to the winning team. 

Rich VCo-host

11:12

Moving to the winning team. 

Rich GHost

11:14

Right as opposed to Surrender being. 

Rich VCo-host

11:16

Yeah, I know I've heard that before. 

Rich GHost

11:17

Yeah as opposed to Surrender, being losing. No, Surrender is just moving from the losing team to the winning team. 

Rich VCo-host

11:25

You just join the winning team. 

Rich GHost

11:26

You just join the winning team. What does it mean to surrender? Webster defines it as to give up or yield to the power, control or possession of another. Thinking about that, what does surrender mean to you? 

Rich VCo-host

11:48

all right, well, surrender, um, you and I have a lot of same issues when it came to sobriety, you know, um, but I won't speak for you. But I know you pretty well. I was a total control freak, you know, used to being the guy managing everyone else that's around. You know, if I'm in a church group and we're, you know, cooking, you know, and I've got a group of parents that are doing this, you know I'm in charge. I just take control and this is what we're doing. You do this, you do that, you do this. It's just something that I always had had to be in control. You know, my, my father was the same way, and the old story goes I wouldn't take a dump unless I had a plan. Okay and uh, so I spent my life being that way, you know, and and uh, the hard thing about me was if my um, if you know I could make a plan, but if my plan didn't work out you know I take it personally. You know it'd be difficult for me and uh, um, I learned, you know. You know it's okay to make a plan, but you know it'd be difficult for me, and I learned, you know. You know it's okay to make a plan, but you know, don't plan the outcome, but that I didn't learn that until I got sober. But anyway, and, and so you know, when it first came in sobriety, you know I spent my first 10 months of trying to get sober by doing it my way. I was in charge. I got a fantastic sponsor trying to teach me how much love there is in the world, that love that I can have for myself, love that I can have for other people. And it's just in you know this people, and it's just in you know this literature, in these 12 steps. You know, you follow these steps. You can go ahead and find all that I said great. How are these, you know, how are these 12 steps going to fit into my plan? You know, and that's how I tried to do it and it didn't work, okay, and and it just was. 

14:08

You know, I was back in rehab and I had just messed up the whole thing and uh, um, I'd messed up the whole thing. I'd gotten drunk again and again and I sober up and near time I didn't tell anyone I'd gotten drunk and I just sobered up, went through, you know, a couple of days of not feeling great, but then I'm all right, then I'd be sober for a couple of weeks, drink another day, sober for a week or two, you know how it goes and and finally I just blow it all out and just get drunk for a couple of weeks straight. I'm a mess again and I just can't figure out why. Because I'm going to the meetings. You know I'm having three or four beers before the meeting, so my hands don't shake during the meeting and I'm thinking that doesn't this go in a meeting? Doesn't it just kind of by osmosis, won't it just come to me? You know why doesn't this just come to me. You know I'm talking to my sponsor and they're making excuses why I don't talk to them in person, but we're doing work over the phone. At least it's not working. And uh yeah, so back into rehab, because you know my way of doing. 

15:22

It left me back in rehab and you know I'm going through. I was going through detox just sitting outside and I'm sitting on a bench and it's overlooking this pasture, with a bunch of steer and cows and stuff on it and smelled like there's a bunch of steers and cows on it and stuff. But it was pretty, it was beautiful, the sun was coming up and just looking out over it and a lot of people told me, rich, you got to give it up, you got to go ahead and give it up to God. And I just I really didn't understand. I thought I was, you know, I kind of thought I was, and then all of a sudden it just came to me. 

16:19

You know, I had so many lies out there, I had lied to so many people and I kept so many balls, you know, up in the air and I still had that going. You know, I still had people that I hadn't told the truth to, you know, and I was still managing people, not always being truthful. You know kind of talking them into stuff. You know talking this person to doing things. You know kind of talking them into stuff. You know talking this person to doing things. You know not always being righteous, not always saying, you know, being honest with everyone. You know lying, because I was really good at it and I still had balls keeping up and finally I just let those balls drop. 

17:03

I just finally said I'm tired of lying about everything, trying to be in control of everything, not being righteous, and it was just clouding my brain, clouding my connection to God, was not there, like my sponsor had told me it would be, and to win I just had to give it all up. And at that point I just said, heck with it. I'm going to give it all up to God. And I really meant it, because I just felt that weight off my shoulders like I never thought it would feel. I mean this was never thought, it would feel. I mean this was, it was profound, it was just man it. I really felt it. I mean I meant it, I really meant it. I was not trying to con God anymore, I wasn't trying to con anyone anymore. You know it was time to go ahead and give it up. 

18:02

And it was all of a sudden to go ahead and give it up and it was all of a sudden I felt terrific, better than I'd felt, since maybe I was a kid and it just this light, I just felt so good and I just I just knew I this was the way to go. And I knew next time I was going to be talking to people and I knew who I had to make amends to. I knew you know all the lies that I had. I knew how to say sorry to people. You know I knew how to do all that. It just it hit me. You know, god just decided to go ahead and make it very clear for me that people talk about a moment of clarity. The moment of clarity came to me saying that it's time to stop being in control, time to start letting the big guy upstairs being in control and just letting God take care of it and just giving me a chance to just go ahead and get out of God's way and let him roll. 

19:06

And that's when this whole sobriety thing started coming together, is when I gave it up and when I just got that stuff off my shoulders and let God take over, man, just the love started coming back into my life. The whole sobriety thing started coming together. I'm not going to say it was easy after that point, but it started making a lot more sense at that point, you know. And then you know financial problems I'd figure things out a lot easier. You know it would come to me stuff at work Instead of lying to make people do things. Or, you know, I would just ask, nice, you know, and I would, you know, I would just explain things why things need to get done. You know, I would, you know, manage things in a Christian way is what I was told. Basically, know, manage things in a Christian way is what I was told, basically how you do things. 

20:09

And once I started telling the truth and being honest with everyone and giving it up and started working this way with this, life got a lot better. I mean, it got a lot better and sobriety came together and it was the key for me and it was the key for me. It really was the key for me. I was able to get those steps done with my sponsor in a real, in a loving fashion, you know it, just seeing the world with loving eyes. You know, and it just took giving it up to God, just all the BS in life. I didn't need it anymore. I got to just give it up and just the world was so much better then. The world was so much better then. I didn't know I was just going to get out of my soapbox there, but it felt good getting on that soapbox right there. 

Rich GHost

21:04

No, I mean you've told your story a little bit before about that surrender moment, but I think it's a good story. When I look at the Webster description, you know yield to the power, control or possession of another, and I get that. You know sometimes in church or different things we hear to do that, but I don't think that it's something that socially we're taught to do. 

Rich VCo-host

21:30

Yeah, you know what I mean. It's not really, especially as men. 

Rich GHost

21:33

We're taught to take control, to have the power to be in possession, you know, in possession. We're not really taught as a society to turn those things over. Yes, it's been, but I think more and more today. Anybody. 

21:52

Sorry to be sexist no but hey, there was one time certainly in your life where that was really true, one time your life where that was really true, one time in my life where that was really true. But I think, for the newer generations, I think that you're seeing less and less of it, thankfully, you know, in my opinion, as it should be, but I don't think that it's in our nature and so or I think I won't say in our nature I don't think it's what we've been taught to do, right, we've been taught to be in control and have the power, regardless of what we've maybe been told to do on Sundays. I know better now. So, yeah, absolutely, I'm no good in control. 

Rich VCo-host

22:39

Yeah. 

Rich GHost

22:39

Not in full control, like there are moments where it's okay for me to have control in a situation If it's needed, sure, but it's also something that I need to, not I need to be prepared to relinquish it to a power greater than myself. And sometimes that could be, you know God, your wife, it could be a group, it could be my wife, it could be a police officer, it could be. Whatever to what you were saying, there is when we think of turning over our power, kind of by the book or in the 12 steps, we hear about a power greater than ourselves and we hear the G-O-D word, you know God, thrown around and I have God, my higher power, I call God, I believe in God, higher power, I call god, I believe in god, um, but I do want to say that that that turning over, that yielding to the power, control or possession, that can happen at a group level too. Oh yeah and um. So because I know not everybody, you know, wants to necessarily adhere to the, to the God single being, you know, controls all idea. And sometimes, I know, for me early on, before I had, if you will, for me it came as a spiritual awakening. That's, that's what happened for me. It doesn't happen the same for everybody, but I personally had a spiritual awakening that made me feel connected to a God in my life, to a higher power, to something that is celestial and beyond explanation. 

24:28

But there was certainly a time in my life where I had to rely on the group around me. I had to rely on the other people that were in the meeting, on the group around me. I had to rely on the other people that were in the meeting. You know, in Buddhism they call it Sengha, the group, you know. So if you're in refuge, recovery or recovery, dharma they speak to having because that's a non-deity recovery and they speak to having responsibility to the group. 

25:02

So that surrendering of your power, I just want to say for people in our audience doesn't necessarily have to be to a God figure, it just has to be to something outside of yourself. You know, because you're surrendering. The fact that you think you know all you know is the first thing that I had to give up, because I certainly thought that I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, certainly thought I did. So I just wanted to mention that group conscience in that surrender phase of your sobriety is a very valid power, greater than yourself and I always like to mention that on the show because some people need to hear that to connect with the program. Yeah, to need to hear that to connect with the program yeah and uh. So the other thing, the the last question that I kind of had on surrender is do you think that you have to surrender over and over or do you think it's a one-time deal? 

Rich VCo-host

26:10

um, oh it's. It's something that you have to remind yourself all the time. Sure you know it doesn't always come naturally. It doesn't come naturally to me. 

26:18

Yeah, you know it took some work, it took some effort to that happen to me. You know, I was born and raised to be in control at all times, like I said with my dad, and so I have to remind myself, you know, and that's, you know, part of daily prayers. You know that. You know I have to remind myself daily that I'm not in control, you know, and as soon as I remind myself of that, you know, I get to go ahead and feel that nice little feeling again, that, ah, that nice little feeling again. And so when I do my prayers in the morning, when I get to that part, oh man, yeah, a lot of times at that part I can figure out, you know, ah, I think I owe this person. You know, an amends, you know, I thought about it last night. Yeah, you know, it's not something big, but I owe them a phone call or something like that. You know, and I'll be glad to get that off my shoulders. You know, and and yeah, but yeah, it's, it's something I have to remind myself every day. You know, if not once or twice or three times, or how many times it is when a decision or when something confronts itself to me, I have to, if it's something where, where it's um, spiritually, decision, a spiritual decision needs to get made, then, um, then I have to remind myself that, uh, give it up to big guy upstairs and uh, um, I normally get the right answer. Yeah, you know, I normally get the right answer, and and anything when it comes to, when it comes to me, and a lot of alcoholics say that your first thought's not normally the right one, right, and so when I make a decision, I give myself a pause with almost every decision because, well, my first one's normally not right, sure, so when I offer it up, give a second. Oh, yeah, okay, that's what I should do. You know I have daily. You know I have daily. You know I also have to. 

28:46

I know I've talked about my disease that I have in my right arm and the nerve disease, and you know it comes with it. You know pain daily. You know sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's horrible. You know that's the two things I get to choose from each day. You know how it presents itself, and so every single day, I get to offer that up to God. You know, just to get the whole thing off my shoulders. 

29:17

As I give it up to God, I can't really ask God, hey, take this pain away from me, it just to me. It doesn't work that way. You know. You know, I just sort of you know, say, you know, if you could handle, you know help me, you know, deal with the pain that I've got to deal with today, you know, I'd appreciated it, I'd appreciate that. You know, that's kind of how I go about it. 

29:44

You know I try to ease into it. I can't demand God of anything like that. But I ask, you know, if you could give me a hand at least dealing with this pain today, that would be great. And when it gets bad, I just offer it up, just say okay, god, I'm just trying to deal with this. If you can give me a hand with this, that'd be great. I know, I know you're a busy man no, not man, but I know you're busy. I'm not going to try to take control of this because it's up to you. So whatever you have to say, whatever you have to do, you know, be nice to have the strength to be able to handle this. 

Rich GHost

30:29

then move on so it does help it does help. 

30:35

I don't feel like I have to do the you know full on surrender right. Like I mean. When I don't feel like I have to do the you know full on surrender Right, like I mean when you first kind of come to terms with that surrender. It's a pretty profound surrender, you know, like you literally feel like you're surrendering from war. You know you're waving the white flag, you're on your knees, you're done. You just don't have anything else to give. You don't even want anything else, but for somebody else something or somebody else to take charge. 

31:07

You know, but this is the first, when you're yeah that's like the initial surrender, like right, so thinking of like surrendering over and over. So you know that initial surrender, I think once you've done it and that load, that initial load, comes off of you, it is. I had never done it to the point where that full load came off of me, right, I had tried to do little pieces of it without surrendering fully and never felt the relief of that full load coming off of me. So I take back those little pieces eventually. 

Rich VCo-host

31:38

But once I did it where that like I was like ah, then I never wanted that full load back right, so I never tried to take it back, so I had to surrender again, again let me interrupt this um real quick, though you said something perfect, though you said you know it's not like you, you know, just came back from war. Actually, you have. You have spiritually been through a war. 

Rich GHost

32:05

Well, yeah, right, yeah, yeah, absolutely it's. Yeah, it is very much. Yeah, you're surrendering from war. You have been injured, you're out of supplies, you're on the wrong side of the front, you know it's over. You know the thing is over and so you surrender. So today, much like what you're saying today, it's when I find myself overworried, you know, overworked, feeling depleted. 

Rich VCo-host

32:40

Yeah. 

Rich GHost

32:41

You know those types of things for you, with your pain, but it's those types of things when I'm feeling overworked or depleted or you know like I'm not getting what I need or something like that. I take those things and I surrender them. You know that's when I'm like okay, my finances. If I'm worried about my finances, I give those over. If I'm worried about school, I give that over. If I'm worried about you know something with a relationship, I give that over. And you know, just ask for guidance there. And that is a repeated surrender. But that big one I feel like for for me, once I did it, what I will call right, you know, and it's going to be different for everybody, but once I actually surrendered and wasn't running covert ops on the back end to try to get my control back, um, I, I don't feel like I had to turn it over yeah, like that's how it was, man yeah, yeah, I was like I surrender here, but you know my, my covert team is coming in the back. 

33:39

I don't feel like I had to turn it over again. Covert office yeah, like that's how it was. Man, yeah, yeah, I was like I surrender here. But you know, my covert team is coming in the back end to try to take control of the command station again. And at this point I don't even want to see the command station, I want to stay like far away from it. Feels pretty darn good, doesn't it? It's way better to not, yeah, to accept that you don't have control over everything. It's a much easier way of life, absolutely so. 

34:08

Psychologist Nathaniel Brandon says the first step towards change is awareness. The second step is acceptance Right, awareness the second step is acceptance, right. So so awareness and then acceptance definitely reminds me of the first step when you're thinking of the 12 step program. Awareness Right, admitting to oneself and acceptance that you know, admitting to oneself is both becoming aware that your life is unmanageable, becoming aware that your life is unmanageable, and then acceptance is, I don't know, somewhere between step one and step two, you know, where you realize you're not going to get it back on your own, that you need the help of something outside of you. 

Rich VCo-host

35:00

So, yeah. So what are your thoughts on that quote? Or what are your thoughts on acceptance? Yeah, no, I mean no, you accept it, you know you. Just, it's easy to accept once you have completely, um, given it up. Yeah, you know when you, when you, you know what you were saying. You know when you have a covert operation going around the back side, right, you know that's exactly what I was doing too. 

35:18

You know a lot of people when they're, you know, going through, you know the 12 steps. You just especially someone who is, you know, as control minded as I was, yeah, it's, it's, it's hard to give it up, and so you try to give up this little bit, that little bit, but not this, but not that, but not this, but not that, but not this, but um, but yeah, once you do give it up and accept the fact that that's how you want to live, you know, accepting it is funky, you know, and it's just a weird feeling and it it does not feel natural, because here I've spent my whole life, you know, doing it one way, and here I spent my whole life struggling to be in control and and thinking that that's the only way I can live, and and then realizing it's not the right way to live Well, not the right way, I mean, it's not the spiritual way to live and then accepting it. You know it takes a while and it's just. It proves itself out pretty quick Once you've gone ahead and given it up. You know it proves itself out pretty quick. The acceptance is pretty easy once you've given it a chance to go ahead and work. And it works like that too. Stuff starts happening fast for you when you give it up, you know just good stuff starts happening fast for you when you give it up, you know just good stuff starts happening really fast and things that you used to avoid or used to not see, all of a sudden you start running into and the good stuff you start noticing that you used to run past before. I always used nature for that for that thing, cause I never noticed nature, never noticed nature. It just it was just something that got in the way for me before and but then I got to notice it and notice that it was so cool and that was just the best. I'm going to go off topic a little bit, but it does go with it. 

37:50

I've got at my house. I could look out on my slider and look past another set of homes, there's an open field and there was this big old, huge tree Big old, huge tree and it looked like a giant Christmas tree. I don't know what kind of tree it was. Here's this one giant monster Christmas tree, one giant monster Christmas tree. 

38:22

And when I was in my disease I'd look out at that tree after throwing down a lot of alcohol, and looking out there and said you know, if I was in charge of things Christmas time, I would go ahead and cut that baby down and I'd put that one in the middle of the town and that's what I'd use for Christmas. I'd put the light bulbs, the lights on that big, big old thing. That would make one heck of a Christmas tree. So that's how I thought of that tree. But then, when I got sober, I started looking at that tree and named it. Once I got sober it was Buddy, it was my buddy, so I named it Buddy the tree. 

39:06

I'd look at that tree every single day and when I started getting healthy I looked at that tree and I looked at it differently. I looked at that tree and I said, man, I don't want to cut down this beautiful tree. You know, this tree is just. You know, it's been around here for a long time and this old boy, you know, has seen it all and it's beautiful. And this old boy, you know, has got a story to tell, and it's beautiful. It needs to stay right where it is. 

Rich GHost

39:40

And it was just a whole different way of looking at life, you know, because I accepted life in a different fashion you know, uh, looking at the look at the quote, I was kind of like looking at it again while you're talking and, um, the first step towards change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. And it also made me reflect kind of on a on something that I heard here a while ago, that an unnamed enemy will never be defeated. Right, so that awareness? You know that awareness, just thinking of the impact of awareness on acceptance, you know how they are kind of paired up together um in that really in that early sobriety part, you know when you're really aware of the damage that you know you've wreaked, or at least some of it. 

40:31

You know all the havoc and damage that you've caused around you and then you get to explore that more as you go through more steps. Yeah, by the time you're done with that more as you go through more steps. 

Rich VCo-host

40:40

But yeah, by the time you're done with the steps, you pretty much figure it all out yeah, yeah, yeah, you've, you've laid some, uh, some more groundwork there. 

Rich GHost

40:48

Um, yeah, absolutely so. When we're talking about acceptance, um, you know, I think that sometimes we, we accept things I should say I, sometimes I accept things and then, uh, maybe they'll creep back up, thoughts or feelings, uh might creep back up from the past where I thought maybe I was in full acceptance of them, but then, like, maybe I need to process them a little bit more. Um, do you ever have that? 

41:13

sure, I mean it's a, it's an ongoing thing, right, you know it's progress, not perfection yeah, yeah, I mean, I don't have a particular instance that I'm thinking of per se right now. 

41:25

I didn't really put a lot of thought into it, but it was a question that came into my mind and and um, yeah, I think it's just a normal thing where, where, even if you, you know, if you've done 12 steps, like like you know we have, or if you've processed through some things with your therapist or something else, where you think like, oh well, I really process this, you know for something to come back up, or maybe you remember another detail about something, or or you know, things like that I think is not, are not completely uncommon. You know, I think there were things for me over the first three years, even though I had done step four and five previously and cleaned up some stuff there. I think that there were some things that you know. When I approached it again this time, going through my steps after my relapses and beginning my sobriety again, there were a couple of things that I looked at differently and so my acceptance on them had changed, even if it was the same subject. 

42:32

So I do think that things creep up or maybe will reveal themselves to you differently and that you might have to repeat some acceptance here and there. 

Rich VCo-host

42:39

Well, I think in your case, you know you're looking at things through different eyes. I mean you're looking at things now in a much more spiritual sense than you were before. I mean there's a huge difference with me looking at things before. You know I'd look through things, you know, with different senses. You know I was that guy that was trying to get through each day the best that I could. Back then I didn't try to get that much out of my day. I got as much out of my day as I could until I got that beer in my hand. 

Rich GHost

43:19

Yeah. 

Rich VCo-host

43:19

And then the beer in my hand was the most important part of my day at that point, you know, and that alcohol was the most important part of my day every day, you know. It was, you know, waiting or doing whatever I can to make it through the day until I got to drink. And that's how my day went, you know, I saw everything else as kind of a nuisance getting in my way until I got to Drake, except my daughter. I mean, I focused a lot on my daughter and I'll give myself that credit, you know, not as much as I could have or I could have done it differently. I did a good job for the most part, but then I wouldn't focus on anything else in the world until I got to drink. 

44:06

But yeah, and so, of course, once I got sober, my brain started working better, you know, because once our brain starts working better, you know, after six months, after a year, after a year and a half, two years, it does function better. But once I started seeing things you know through, spiritually, I accepted you know things differently. I saw things through a different light. So there's a lot of cleaning up to do, yeah, a lot of cleaning up to do, where you're seeing things completely different yeah, no question, right, because your viewpoint slowly, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly right, like that, that's what they'll always materialize but sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, things change, right and uh, and as those things, your perspective changes and you, you know, your acceptance may change. 

Rich GHost

45:08

For me, what I've found is my level of grace continues to get greater, right, like I'm able to give more grace the longer I'm sober, and that's because I believe that that is because I feel more grace, like I feel more grace, I give myself more grace, I get more grace from others because I've surrounded myself with an army of people who care about me and hold me up and you know, maybe you know I have some wonderful friends from before I was sober, there's no question in that but I was also surrounded by people who maybe weren't holding me up and weren't offering me grace. But today I would say that, you know, pretty much everybody that I'm in contact with is offering me at least some level of grace, and I think that that has translated, along with my spiritual practice and the forgiveness that I've learned to hold in my heart, that that's increased my level of grace. So my level of acceptance is much different. 

46:19

Do you mean grace, as I mean do you is like they love you more, or I mean I mean I mean grace as far as like, when, when something happens that I'm not in control of, that maybe I don't like, which is often from another person, kind of leads to a question that I haven't heard in a second, that I'm able to be okay with it. So I give you more grace than I may have in the past If you're late, like you were for the show today. Wink, wink, but that's a great example, right, like I give my wife more grace. 

Rich VCo-host

47:05

you know, I asked that is because you know a lot of the, a lot of the reasons I see things differently is because I love myself. Sure, you know, I never didn't, didn't love myself when I was drinking, you know, and took, took, getting through the steps and honestly getting through them and learning to love myself, then I really saw things in a different way. I mean spiritually and everything. It's just once I learned to completely love myself and love others, you know, in the form that I feel really fitting. That's when I really saw things in a different way, yeah, and I do think that you know. 

Rich GHost

47:50

You asked do you mean love, do you mean grace as love? 

47:53

and I think grace and love are like buddies, right, like like, because I love you, I can offer you more grace oh thank you, and because I now love myself, I can give myself more grace, um, whereas before, if I made a mistake, if I said something wrong in front of people, I might think about that for hours and hours and hours and hours later about how I should have said it. Yeah, and I might still do that, you know. But I can give myself grace where I can be like, well, that happened and it's over now and what can I do? 

48:30

I can accept it, yeah it happened because it was supposed to happen, right, yeah, so. 

48:36

So for me, you know, giving myself that, giving other people that grace, is really important. My next two questions are we've already talked a lot about how surrender and acceptance is a daily, sometimes moment by moment, part of our life. But kind of leading into that is what happens when people do not act how you want them to act to. That is what happens when people do not act how you want them to act. You know, because I feel like that is probably the biggest part of acceptance that we all have to to live with is often how other people are acting that may not align with how we wish they would. Um, additionally, what I would like to remind people, what I need to remind myself during this time of year on our wonderful four year cycle that we go through in the United States of America, is that we are, you know, very close to an election day on November 5th November 5th and we are currently in what can be argued is one of the most divided countries that we've ever had. You know, as far as right. 

49:49

Um out of my 60 years, it's never been anything like this, you know, and and um, I have to remind myself that, even though people are divided on opinions and on how they think the government should run and all of those types of things, that that should not change my view on their humanity, on them being a person, on respecting them and things like that. And so, you know, maybe I'm putting out a little bit of a call to the audience as well to keep keep these things in mind. You know, I think it's important. I think I think if, if you know, if I look at the television and I think Donald Trump is an evil man, or Kamala is an evil woman, or this person is demonized, or this, that or the other, I am not showing very much grace, I'm not showing very much acceptance and I need to remember that I'm not in control of this whole thing. I have my boat and I'll cast my boat, but at the end of the day, the person that's supposed to do the thing is going to do the thing, and my job is to be a good citizen and a good human Right. That's all we can do, right, so so, but I think also, just in day to day life, you know, we have sometimes people will, situations, and for me I know a lot of acceptance has to, you know, exist with that, along with grace and patience and many other things. 

51:52

Um, I think that is something that I've gotten particularly good at in regards to how I respond to people, especially in the moment. You know I might walk away from a moment and have my thoughts about people, but you know I used to be one First thoughts wrong. Well, absolutely First thoughts wrong. I do not shoot from the hip anymore. Absolutely First thoughts wrong. I do not shoot from the hip anymore, but I yeah, I used to be one that would, you know, be more than happy in a. Then, even if it does affect me in some way, I can find a way to not engage somehow. 

Rich VCo-host

52:53

Politics and religion. Yeah, I keep that to myself. Unless someone wants to have a conversation and I'm very, and I'm very comfortable with that person. Yeah, and then I'll talk about it. But yeah, and then, if yeah, it's, it's just something people people have always been touchy about politics. You know it's it as long as I can, people have been touchy about it. Yeah, it's just, you know much, much more right now and uh, yeah, it's something that I'm very opinionated about. That's why I don't, that's why I don't talk about it. And if someone wants has a different opinion of me, I don't think any lesser of that person. You know. Just, they have a different opinion and I don't talk to that person. I just won't. Don't let them build me into it. I don't do anything like that, I just walk away. 

Rich GHost

53:48

I don't talk to them. I caution myself and others against saying things or doing things that you'll regret, over things like politics, which are mostly out of our control right, I mean, like I said, you have your vote and then you move on. 

Rich VCo-host

54:09

And that's amazing. I mean we've got the greatest country in the world, absolutely so. 

Rich GHost

54:15

that wasn't really to get onto a political subject. That was just a reminder to me that people you know, that's just one of the ways that you know I think steam can build over the next week as we approach that day. And just as a reminder that, like, sometimes people aren't going to act or do or say what you want, and that's okay yeah, we can't plan an outcome right. 

54:39

The other thing I wanted to kind of say on how people act is I kind of wanted to talk about myself in that and that is that sometimes for me and something that I've gotten better at is accepting my role, because, kind of going back to that power control situation, for me it used to be my thing right, like regardless of group or situation or whatever it was. Even in situations where there could be a clear leader, I would still be like reaching for the talking stick. You know in so many cases, for the talking stick. You know in so many cases, and today I've I've found like that that that reaction is still there for me right, mentally, but reaction, I've gained a lot of self-control through acceptance that I'm not in charge and uh, and I find myself in small groups in the fed, the 12 step fellowship meetings that I go to in small groups in school and things like that. 

55:45

I find myself recognizing if I am being dominant and taking a beat, like here and there I'll choose a class because I do like to interact in school and in college, but I'll choose the class where I'm like OK, I'm just not going to raise my hand in this class, you know, and I'll intentionally, unless I'm called on, will stay out and just observe other people's conversation, and not because I don't want to interact, but because I want to make room for everybody in the world. And I know that my tendency to dominate, to grab control, to be in charge is there, and so I always want to be in acceptance of the people who are in charge and accept that my role is not always that. So that's just kind of something about myself, something else that I think is a practice of acceptance for me. 

Rich VCo-host

56:53

Good. So, yeah, you know it was weird doing this show and had to accept my boundaries, my personal boundaries, and what I could handle, you know, because just my situation that I'm in and just you are in charge and I can only do X amount, be able to handle that, because normally I would have been. If you said you were doing this, oh, I would have taken control of the whole thing and, yeah, before you knew it, you would have been in the background, but I physically, mentally, knew I couldn't do it, so I just had to stay back and just be pretty and just use whatever knowledge I had to help out. Yeah, yeah, I think it's working. Well, I am pretty. Help out, yeah, yeah. So I think it's working. Well, I am pretty, so that helps. 

Rich GHost

57:44

You are pretty. Do you have anything else on today that you? 

Rich VCo-host

57:49

want to throw out there. 

57:51

You know if there's anyone new out there or if there's even people that you know have been doing it for a long time and are thinking about it. You know it's a subject talked about a lot. You know offering it up and you know it's important. It's important, it really helps you get through life, and not just get through life but really enjoy your spiritual part of your life so much more. You know if you could offer up those problems. 

58:25

You know those feelings, those things I mean so much of your spirituality. You know it's that feeling in your gut. You know we all know when we're making a mistake. You know because we could feel it right there. It just tells us when we're making a mistake. You know because we can feel it right there. It just tells us when we're doing the wrong thing. And whenever we can, you know, offer that up to God, offer it up to your higher power. Let them help you make a decision. Listen to that feeling right there, because that's there for you to listen to. You know God put that there for a reason and yeah, and just offer it up. You know that's. 

59:10

You know one thing that really helps me knowing that. You know I've offered it up because I get that feeling. Yeah, we all know it. Yeah, know, I've offered it up because I get that feeling. Yeah, we all know it. Yeah, yeah, that means we. I think that means we've offered it up and let god, you know, take control, because you know I do stuff before and I didn't have that as much, you know. Yeah, I'd feel bad about things, but now I just, oh, I don't, I'm no, I'm not in control. If that's part of your life, then it's a beautiful way to live. It really is. That's why I'm glad to do this show. It's something to think about. It's just a beautiful way to live. 

Rich GHost

59:56

If you have any questions about today's show or anything else recovery related, please feel free to reach out in our comments section, facebook, instagram or email the riches you can find all of that information in the episode description acceptance and surrender, or their experiences with acceptance and surrender to subscribe to. To shoot a note, um, in in those, in any of those formats, would be awesome. Um, additionally, if you have any ideas for a show, like rich was mentioned mentioning at the beginning, we'd be very open to hearing your thoughts or your suggestions. Uh, moving forward, as mentioned, we will release episodes on the 1st and the 15th of each month. Being that this one came out on the 28th, we're going to count that as the 1st, so the next episode will be on November 15th. We'd love it if you'd join us for that and any future content that we have. 

01:00:57

Thank you to our guests. Or thank you to Rich and thank you to our guests and uh. Or thank you to Rich and thank you to our audience for being part of my sobriety today. Thank you so much for giving us some of your time. We really hope you got something out of today's episode. We would be honored if you would like and share the episode or leave a comment with your takeaways. Don't forget to subscribe to tune into future episodes. Have a great day.