Episode 18: Being of Service: How Service Transforms Recovery

The gifts that I get from being of service to others have become a truly remarkable part of both my program to stay clean and sober as well as an integral part of my day-to-day satisfaction with life in general. 

The transformative power of service stands at the heart of recovery, yet many overlook its profound impact on both personal growth and lasting sobriety. In this revealing conversation, we explore how shifting from self-centered thinking to service-oriented living creates unexpected healing and purpose.

The journey from self-centered to service-oriented living requires patience and practice. It means overcoming codependency, establishing healthy boundaries, and distinguishing between genuine service and approval-seeking behavior. But those who persist discover that service doesn't deplete energy – it amplifies it, creating a sustainable foundation for long-term recovery.

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Transcript

Rich G: 0:00

Addiction to Purpose with Riches and Recovery welcomes you to our audience. We hope that you enjoy today's show and will join the discussion by dropping a review or comment. It would be tremendous if you would like rate and share our content, or even subscribe to our channel. Please be aware that not all conversations on the show are suitable for children. Additionally, we may talk about things such as sexual abuse, domestic violence and drug or alcohol abuse. If you feel that these things may trigger you, please do not tune in. Finally, if you are a heavy daily user of alcohol or drugs and are considering quitting, please consult a medical professional for assistance. Welcome to the conversation.

Rich G: 0:44

Hi, welcome to another episode of Addiction to Purpose with Riches in Recovery, and today we've got an episode where we're going to be talking about service. Gandhi said the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. We thought it'd be a great time of year to talk about service and the gift of giving back, and this isn't only being of service to the meetings that you go to talk about service and the gift of giving back, and this isn't only being of service to the meetings that you go to other addicts and alcoholics, but it's really learning to be of service to family, to friends and even to strangers, people who you just run into out and about Nature, pretty much the universe, absolutely. We find that in recovery we are much better equipped to make ourselves available to the betterment of others and ourselves. So with that we'll get some introductions going.

Rich G: 1:41

Of course, we know my guy over here is V and Abby my cornerstone and of course I'm Rich G and we're the Riches in Recovery plus Abby. And what are you guys putting up on the Grateful Board today?

Rich V: 1:55

All right. Well, I'm very grateful. My sister had knee replacement surgery just this past week and surgeons did a great job, so I'm very thankful for them. That's her second knee that's been replaced same surgeon and the guy can cut, so thank you very much for him. That's what I'm very pleased with, very grateful for.

Abbie G: 2:16

Cool, very nice. I am grateful for really good food. A lot of people don't have food in the world, um, and or they don't have. Either they don't have food or they don't have indulgent food. And today we were able to order lunch for two of our gals birthdays at work and it was really good and we had a really nice time socializing. So, um, I just am grateful that we have that opportunity to have that kind of food and that kind of indulgence, so I really liked it.

Rich V: 2:45

I like indulgent food. I like that.

Rich G: 2:47

That's a cool way of saying it yeah, and today I wrote down that I'm grateful for the wisdom of others. I just, uh, wrapped up my last class for my first semester of getting back into college and I've really enjoyed not only learning from my books and professors, but really the other people that I'm in class with my peers and so just really get to experience what other people have to share and listening to their lives and what they bring to the table has been a really enjoyable experience for me.

Rich V: 3:18

Nice, yeah. Oh, it's nice that you can be able to roll it out and share some of it too yeah absolutely Absolutely, makes you seem smarter.

Rich G: 3:27

Wow, that is a goal in life. So in talking about service, naturally in good form, I like to go and grab some quotes, and the first one I'm going to read is from Martin Luther King Jr, and it is life's most persistent and urgent question is what are you doing for others? And what I wanted to talk about amongst us, with that is, being of service, can often be little things. What are a couple of examples of small things that you do that you feel like add up?

Rich V: 3:57

Oh, small things when we started talking this earlier.

Rich V: 4:00

I go man this is kind of hard to figure out. What small things do I do? This earlier I go, man, this is kind of hard to figure out. What small things do I do? Because it does become a habit doing small things all the time because I'm feeling good all the time and but there are a lot of small things.

Rich V: 4:12

I give my mom a phone call or a text before 49er games and so we watch the game together and we text together during the game and I'll just give her a call and tell her that I love her and it's being of service because she's by herself and stuff like that. So she's watching the ballgame with me instead of being by herself, and so I enjoy it too. But it's being of service to my mom, letting her know that she's not lonely, she's not there by herself, know that she's not lonely, she's not there by herself. And I get to be of service to my daughter when she's going through tough times or anything like that, getting ready for her wedding coming up, dad's there for her and she can run stuff by me and so forth. And there's all sorts of little things. I don't know if I could do anything big right now, because there has been a couple big things to come up. Are you talking about small things that we do on a day-to-day?

Rich G: 5:09

Yeah, just kind of like small little things that you feel like add up.

Rich V: 5:13

Right. And anytime you walk past something in the aisle at the store that's fallen off the shelf, I always put it back on the shelf, always do A shopping cart that hasn't been put away. If I park out there, I take it and I put it up front. I always do those little things that add up and, you know, hopefully it adds up for other people so it makes their lives a little bit better. But it's little things. It's hard to remember all those little things and probably while you guys are talking I'll think of three more things that add up and so forth. And it's hard to remember all those little things and probably while you guys are talking I'll think of three more things that add up and so forth.

Rich V: 5:48

But it's something that that as you get sober, it just keeps adding on and adding on and adding on and you just get used to being of service to others in life. The more when you're before you get sober, all you're thinking about is getting that next drink. The only thing you're thinking about is I got a 30-pack of beer in my fridge, but I know I'm going to need that one outside because I'm going to make sure I have enough for the next two days and I'm only serving myself. And that's how life goes. And the longer you're sober, the longer you're picking up these little habits of being of service and it just goes unspoken in your day. Of course I do this for this other person, of course I do this, of course I do that, and it keeps going and it makes you feel good all day long when you work steps.

Rich V: 6:39

If you're in a 12-step program, you learn to love each other as you go farther and farther down the steps and you know by the time you're done. You love each other really pretty well and you get to learn to love others really well too. And it's ingrained in your brain is being of service is the greatest feeling you could have, one of the greatest feelings and one of the great ways of showing love. And so you just keep doing that. You keep doing those little things and come up with what they are all day long. You just do them all day long, so it's hard to pin them down, just to say them. There are little things that add up. Sorry, I keep yapping, yapping. I just this is one thing that is really important to me and, uh, giving to others is so cool, it makes you feel so good that just you do it all the time, and so go ahead and give us some more examples of what you guys like to think.

Rich G: 7:39

Yeah, yeah, I like to think that it creates a domino effect, right? Like what you you chains off to the next person, to the next person, to the next person.

Abbie G: 7:48

So yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I think so. Um, I I don't know if I do all of those things, but, um, I do try to do. I have started to try to do little things. Maybe if there's a trash can I'll pick up a piece of trash, or something like that.

Abbie G: 8:00

We were going to the airport and I saw this random person had left trash on the train thing that you go on, and I was watching it and I was like nobody was there and I thought to myself I'm going to pick that up when I get off the train and it just so happened that some other person picked it up before I was able to, and so I was like, oh well, that was really cool that that other person was as thoughtful as I was trying to be. You know what I mean, but it was cool. But it was like I had already made the decision if, if it was still there when I got off, I was going to take it with me, just because it was like somebody's food, that they had left a wrapper or something. So I was like, oh, that's kind of gross and I didn't really want to leave it for everybody else there, and so it's kind of like now that you're in the recovery is there. I do feel like I want to leave the world a better place than when I left it, or leave it a better place than when I was here. You know what I mean For the next person, and that's just like picking up trash or trying to treat people better. You know what I mean.

Abbie G: 8:58

Maybe when I'm driving I let somebody go instead of speeding in front of them, which I used to do all the time.

Abbie G: 9:06

I still do speed, but sometimes I will try to be a little more cautious of that and say, oh, you know what this person, I have time to let them go, so I let them go and maybe that made their day better, who knows, you know? And with my husband I try to like I'll try not always, but if I need water maybe he needs water I fill up his water without him asking, or I'll do a chore without him asking, because I'm not always the organized one, but just I don't know stuff like that and I try. I have been trying to just be present and pay attention if somebody does need something. You know what I mean. And just I don't know, just be aware of how people are feeling and thinking and stuff like that, and not not to be too codependent, but if there's something I can help with and be aware that I can't, so absolutely the things that I might add to the list is I get the comment a lot from from people who are just getting to know me or just starting to call me.

Rich G: 10:02

they're like you always pick up your phone and that's something that's become valuable to me, for my family, for my friends in recovery, and I hand out my phone number all the time it doesn't ring as much as I think it would um as a result.

Rich G: 10:16

But I do, I pick up my phone and it's important to me and if I'm available, there was once upon a time where, if my phone would ring and I look down, I I don't care if I recognize your name. There would be times where I was like nope, I'm not answering, I'm not in the mood to talk or whatever. But now it doesn't matter, unless I am actually busy doing something else, I pick up the phone and I answer the phone and I find out what you need or what's going on, because that's something that who knows why you're calling me. It could just be just to say hi, but you could need somebody in that moment. You could have something that's on your mind that you needed to talk about. You could, like I said, just want to say hello.

Rich G: 10:56

So it's things like that, things like I really do believe in just taking a moment to observe the world around you. And here, not too long ago, I was leaving an event, just a little gathering of friends, and walking out of the parking lot there was this woman that had the front of her car popped, with the engine showing and everything, and so I just took a minute to check in hey, are you okay? Do you need anything? Do you just need to jump, or is it more than that? And she said no, her son was coming and he knew what to do. But I just think it's important to pretend that the world around you means something, and so for me, that's a big part of being in service.

Rich V: 11:35

You come over to your sponsor's house before class goes to class and put in a fan in his bathroom for him, something like that. That's right. I really appreciate it. This Lunkhead today came and did this for him because, number one, I bust things, I don't fix things, I'm just horrible with it. But now I can't turn a screwdriver or a wrench or anything like that, so I cannot fix anything to start with. But I got the part and he came in and just fixed it and on his way to class I was just being of service to me.

Rich V: 12:08

It was just great, made my day really was. Yeah, my sister took a shower this afternoon and it worked great, worked fantastic. So thank you very much. See, perfect being of service. It's just. I just never thought about being of service when I was drinking. The only time I'd be of service, like my job, I had to be of service, sure. So I was known of being of excellent customer service when I was at work, when I was well, I was great about it. It was kind of my thing. It was also the kind of thing that I helped mask how much of a drunk I was, because the customers loved me, my staff loved me and everything like that, because I was of service to everyone. But I left the restaurant. I didn't care who you were, you're not getting in the way of me and my alcohol and I wasn't as pleasant as a person of it. And now I get to be pleasant all the time to people and I don't work anymore, so that's great all the way around.

Abbie G: 13:07

What's funny is I just thought of a service service story. So I was on the phone with my mom and she was sitting in the parking parking lot I think Walmart or something and we're sitting there talking and she's just hanging out. She hadn't started driving yet and she's sitting there and we're talking, talking, talking, and then she looks out the window and she sees this woman with her young son and the woman walks up to her car and she puts her key in and she messes with it and my mom's like oh, there's that one. There's a woman over there and she's fiddling with her keys. I was like whatever? And she's like she noticed her.

Abbie G: 13:41

And then for a good five minutes this woman is fiddling with her keys in the door of the lock of the car and like she's like no, I think there's really something wrong. And I was like are you sure? She's like I'm gonna go. She's like I think I might need to go ask her if she needs help. But I'm like are you sure? Like she's an older lady and it was nighttime at Walmart and I was like oh, are you okay? And so I was like okay, so be careful please. And I trust her.

Abbie G: 14:04

She has pretty good intuition and it was just a lady and her son, it wasn't. It didn't seem volatile, but, um, she said she was gonna go ask him if they needed help. So she went over there and we hung up the phone and then within 15-20 minutes she called me back because I was like, call me right back. So she ended up going over there, helping them, giving them a ride back home, because they lived right around the corner, and then called me back to make sure. She called me to let me know she was okay.

Abbie G: 14:32

So it was like she was being service to them, but then I was being service to her to make sure, to just check on her and make sure she was okay. But it ended up that I guess the car key was stripped so she kept turning it but it wouldn't do anything. It would just kept flipping over and over again in the lock so she couldn't get it to open the car at all and she said, um, the mother was really grateful and the son was super polite and was super nice, so she was really happy she did it. But it was like, um, it was just a really neat situation and it's like to have the chance to take advantage of those opportunities as a human is very rewarding, and then to go ahead and revel in it.

Rich V: 15:13

I've always thought, when you're getting sober, it just when you take a second and really enjoy those wins. I've told you I don't know how many times you enjoy those wins and you can go ahead and keep doing that. Feel good about helping those people. Don't hesitate to feel good about helping people. Yeah, it makes you feel good inside. It's not like well, that's what I should have done. No, feel good about it. Go ahead and let yourself feel good about it. It's part of being a human being, being nice to people. But helping people, there's a payoff for you. Why not be happy about it? Don't have to be just well, that's part of life, is being good.

Abbie G: 15:56

I was watching my mom because we were on the phone, so she knew she'd be protected because I knew what she was doing. So if she didn't call me back I would know at least something was up and my mom was there for those people and if she wasn't there then they wouldn't have gotten a ride home. It's a whole trickle down. It's cool.

Rich V: 16:16

I want to tell my story of what just happened the other day. Go ahead, I'm just going to throw this in there, your questions and all that sort of stuff. You know what? I want to tell my story of what just happened the other day. Go ahead, I'm just going to go through this scenario with your questions and all that sort of stuff. I had a unique opportunity and it happens every once in a while in life where you really do have a chance of being of service and the big guy upstairs goes and puts it all together for you.

Rich V: 16:39

Just the other day my sister was going in for a knee surgery. She was getting knee replacement and it just so happened my niece at the same time same day went in for an emergency C-section. She was having trouble with her pregnancy. Boom got her in there and it was the same. I think they did my niece at two in the morning. My sister got the knee surgery at 7 30 in the morning same day and so things were hopping on the family and going on and my niece has a, doesn't have a whole lot of means and she's doing the best she can and well, she doesn't have a whole lot of people helping her right now. You know, and I love my niece no matter what, and I'd been at the hospital my sister happened to have the knee surgery at the same place. My niece had the C-section.

Rich V: 17:38

So I went to visit my sister who she came out of recovery, recovery in her room, took care of her, made sure she was good, hung out with her for an hour or so and made sure she was set up and then went to go visit her daughter my niece in her room. And, um, I got there right at the same time as some social workers were showing up to help her make some serious life decisions and so forth. Well, my niece was really shook up and not knowing what to do. And right then, and there, she needed some help. She needed some guidance and Uncle Rich was there when they had asked.

Rich V: 18:23

The social workers had asked me to go outside and my niece just goes. No, can you please stay inside. For this. I was able to help her get through this extremely difficult time, one of the most difficult 20 minute half hours of her entire life. God had put me there at the exact right time, out of nowhere. She happened to have this problem. I have the C-section at the same time as my sister had to have the surgery in the same hospital, same time, and I happened to have walked over at the exact same time that the social workers were there and I happened to be able to help my niece at that exact same time that they were there.

Abbie G: 19:11

Yeah, it's not a coincidence.

Rich V: 19:13

Yeah, it's not a coincidence, guys, and gosh darn it I was able to help her out Because she just didn't know in life what to do, you know, and she just so needed someone to help her make decisions, and it was a really cool experience. Uncle Rich gets to help her out on a regular basis, but this one was really big and I was so nice to be able to help her. So that's the story. I got for being of service. You get to be of service in tiny ways, in little ways, all the time, and then when you get to be there for that big one, you're sober. You've been doing those little things of service all the time to get you all revved up and ready to go and used to it, and so when God calls you, you're set up, you're ready to go, and I was able to take care of it. So, god, I've been thanking him morning, noon and night ever since it happened like a layup morning, noon and night I've been thanking god for this.

Rich V: 20:11

It's just, it was just. Uh, my sister's pretty thankful too. She normally would have been there, but she couldn't because she had her knee operated on.

Rich G: 20:18

So pretty cool deal absolutely and that walks in actually very well to the next quote I have from mother theresa, which is love, mother theresa, which is uh, never worry about numbers, help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you, okay, so, so that, uh, that plays into that really, really well. Um, my thought for us around that was, I think that a lot, a lot of times, people aren't sure how to start. How am I? Do I just go out and be of service to people? Um, so what are your thoughts on that and what were some of the ways that you first started finding yourself being of service to build your?

Rich V: 20:56

service muscles. Well, we about it a little while ago. And I tell people this and it's just simple, some really simple thing to do you thank someone else for doing something nice Someone who just wiped off your table, cleaned off that busboy that just cleaned off your table for you. You thank them, thank you so much for doing that, and that gets your juices flowing. And you realize that I just thank that person for doing something for me and you thank people doing things for you. You realize that it's so gratifying that you're getting in gear of doing things for others, and so that's how I think that seems like a logical place to get going. That's what I tell people when they first get out of first trying to get sober. And I didn't have to do that with you because you're such a nice person as it is, so I didn't have to do that a whole lot with you. But people who don't really know and need a little hand just say thank someone else. Man, yeah, get you going.

Abbie G: 22:06

For me and I was pushed by my sponsor to get a commitment. Of course I'm pretty stubborn, so it was a little harder for me. It's not that I don't like to do things for people. It was just us alcoholics were pretty selfish people. It was just us alcoholics were pretty selfish. I hope you guys know that. I don't know, but once I started to start to do it and it was partially what happened was my mindset. I started to meditate, I started to change my mindset to the negative. Self-talk had to go away. I had to start thinking of people as people instead of just the enemy. I had to like there's a lot that went into that. For me it wasn't just like, oh, we're going to do this and then tomorrow it's cool. You know what I mean. It was a lot.

Abbie G: 22:47

It was a very long transition for me to come to this place where I don't feel resentful for doing stuff for people every single minute of the day, because I am codependent, but I also get resentful for being codependent. So it's like a double-edged sword. So I'm like I'm going to do everything for you, but then I'm going to resent you for that doing everything for you. That's very on brand for me. So now I do stuff and one of my character defects is keeping score. So I would duff and I would keep score and be like, well, I did this 10 times and you only did it seven times, so then you owe me three times, and that was one thing that really created a lot of friction between the two of us and probably a lot of other people. So just doing all of the things, my steps, the meditation, the negative self-talk going away, the, the growth in the uh, seeing myself as a good person and as a valuable person, and once I, once I got that connection with my higher power to be strong and I have my heart full, then I was able to.

Abbie G: 23:52

They always say it's so cliche again, but when your cup is full, you can give to others, and that is true for me. That is really true for me. It's not if I, if my cup's not full, I cannot give to others without creating resentment. I can give to others but it'll create resentments. It's not that I can't, I'll do it, but I will create anger and resentment. So that's what it is. It's.

Abbie G: 24:19

The key for me is to have that relationship with god, my higher power, and also being grateful. I have to keep the gratefuls right, really close by, right in my heart, right close by. I have to be with my higher power and keep the gratefuls and say I'm grateful for this and. And. Then when you're like, oh, I'm getting resentful about this or that that I did, you say, maybe, but what am I grateful for about this situation or that person, why I'm resentful for that? Why am I grateful for that? You know what I mean. Flip the coin on it. You know what I mean. Just don't let that resentment set in. Flip the coin and be like why am I, why is that setting in? Because really, what is that about? And if anybody watched the um hypnosis episode, that exercise that the guy did, where you take the thing and you put it in your mind and then push it out, that really works.

Abbie G: 25:14

I did it with james you were there where you take the thing, put it in your mind's eye and then push it out 100 feet and then push it out 200 feet. Anyway, it really works. You know what I mean, and so that's what it is, I keep my higher power close and my grateful close.

Abbie G: 25:28

But it took a lot of work to get there. Before that. For me to start, I just did what my sponsor told me. I took the suggestions, that was that were given to me, and then you fake it till you make it. You do what is told to you and then once you start to do the work in your heart and in yourself, then eventually, once you get all that garbage out of your heart, all that anger and negativity, then your heart will automatically start to switch and have that, that grace and that forgiveness and all those things in it, because it's all underneath there, it's all there, it's just covered up with all the anger and hurt. So once you dig all the anger and hurt out, it'll be there. So you just have, for me, I had to do what they said and then after, do the suggested things and then do the work to get all the anger and hurt out. And it's not all out, but a lot of it is the bulk of it, or I at least know how to process it.

Rich G: 26:29

I can really relate a lot to what you're saying because for me, how I was raised, my mom was always like well, telling somebody you love them is worthless. You've got to show somebody you love them and basically that was her way of getting me to help clean the house and do chores and mow the lawn and stuff like that right.

Abbie G: 26:47

So what that built in?

Rich G: 26:48

me. One thing is that that's my love language. Right, I do chores and stuff when I really want to show Abby that I love her. She'll come home to a clean house and she'll be like, oh great, the house is clean, clean house. And she'll be like, oh great, the house is clean because we have different love languages, and she'll just go about her business. I'll be like what do you mean? Like you should be exalting me right now because I've cleaned the house. Um, so you're right. Right, but what I recognize now is that that created I wasn't really being purely of service, because it was transactional. Right, I'm gonna do this for you, to earn your love, or to earn your attention, or whatever but that was a learned behavior, right totally learned behavior and so uh again.

Rich G: 27:32

So if I wouldn't get my end of the transaction there would be resentment there, right and uh. So something I really appreciated about a rehabilitation program and 12-step meetings is that they do give you opportunity to be of service. Like my rehabilitation program, everybody got assigned chores and you did the chores. Why? Because your community needs you to do the chores, because it helped everybody. If the trash is overflowing, it's not good for everybody, it's not just you, it's not just your wife or your household, it's everybody's not doing good if the trash is over the phone, so you do your chore and so it starts you off with that right. Then you get out. If you've got to shake hands to greet people coming into the meeting, or you've got to make coffee for the meeting, or you help collect things, stack chairs, put away chairs, whatever it is, you're doing that for the good of the community, not for yourself, and not so that the community will love you more, because they already love you Right. So it's that selfless act of service that starts.

Rich G: 28:33

I do think that that was something that acted to help to start to build my muscle as far as recognizing that this is why you do service.

Rich G: 28:41

It's not so that you get anything back, it's so that you do service right and then you get to bring that from those environments into other places where you just do the dishes at home because the dishes need done and it's better for everybody if the dishes are done. Yeah, you go help your sponsor with the fan in his bathroom, because it's better for everybody if your sponsor can take a bath, but it's just better for everybody if everybody has better conditions to live in and everything does not require a transaction. Some things shouldn't require a transaction. They're very shouldn't require a transaction, they're very easy, they're within your power and they don't take up a lot of your time. And you're not in a professional situation, so there is no bartering that needs to happen, right? You're like just helping a friend, helping a loved one, even helping a stranger. There's nothing to get back out of some situations. There's only things to give and that is perfectly okay.

Rich V: 29:47

I them get back out of some situations. There's only things to give, and that is perfectly okay. I love helping a stranger. Yeah, helping a stranger is just the best one thing my sponsor taught me.

Rich V: 29:51

He had spent some time homeless and one thing that bothered me is he'd go through, you know, days and days without anyone talking to him, saying hi to him or anything like that. And uh, but really bothered him. It hurt him so bad that no one would talk to him or say hi to him or anything like that. And uh, but really bothered him. It hurt him so bad that no one would talk to him or say hi to him. And uh, so I make sure, when I see homeless people, I I don't care about what got them in that condition or whatever, it doesn't, that's not to me. I'm not gonna hold whatever against you, but I'm gonna going to say hi. They are people and they have mothers and fathers. God loves them too. So I make sure I say hello, just to say hello. I don't have to give them money or anything like that, because I don't know what they're going to be doing with it, but I know I can say hello, so I make sure I do that.

Rich V: 30:43

It's not some stunning thing to do. It's something that God would want you to do anyway. So I'm not doing something spectacular, I'm just saying hello to another human being. So I like to do that Absolutely, and there is.

Rich G: 30:58

I did want to point out that there is some reward for being of service that isn't a transactional piece coming from the other person, and so neuroscience provides evidence that being of service promotes the release of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin in the brain. The effect is sometimes called the helper's high. So how does being of service impact your life and how you feel? I know for me, sometimes the right thing, I will catch a buzz off of it. To use Rich's word, I will catch a buzz off of it that lasts multiple days.

Rich G: 31:36

Here a while back, when I got the opportunity with one of my men's groups to go help put a floor into a church that stuck with me man that felt good, put a floor into a church that stuck with me man that felt good.

Rich G: 31:49

And and then just little things like give the guy at school my phone number so that he can call me if he needs help or I can call him if I need help to build community, those types of things, to know I'm making myself available to other people, those things stick with you and they make you feel good about yourself and just internally, just the neuroscience behind it, because we are creatures that were not created to be alone, right. We're created to be in a tribe, in a group, in a community, and so that your body is designed to reward you when you're being in that community of service to that community, when you're contributing, your body is designed to reward you. Things that go back to the creation or evolution or whatever it is that you attach yourself to. It's all there, right Like. It's all there to feed to. Our system of reward is right there with service and love. So I think that's really it for me.

Rich V: 32:51

I derive a lot of personal satisfaction and purpose even from even small things of service to what I hope become great things of service for me, you hit the nail on the head, though, when you talk about love Just learning to love so much more, being of service is just another way of loving that life is all about for me Just learning more and more ways to love more and more and being of service. I had this one service that I did. My buddy was in charge of the H&I service, but I cheered for him so many times. Most of the time they did it, but it was for a place that a lot of people that came in with 5150s they would put them in this place and they weren't in very good shape and they had one of the worst days of their lives and they'd be brought into this place. I don't know how long they'd keep them there, but the staff was amazing at this place, but so we'd bring meetings into this place, and normally we'd have about, oh, anywhere from five to 15, maybe probably five to 12 people that are in this. It was a lockdown facility and we'd come in and give a meeting. It was an hour long, and so we didn't leave anything open for discussions or anything, and so I'd speak for a half hour and then either my buddy or someone else that he was able to get in, would speak for a half hour and then we'd give out big books or whatever materials we had to the people. And because a lot of times the people also had substance abuse problems or alcoholics or whatever, a lot of times they did because if they're having some mental issues, a lot of times people want to, you know, self-medicate before they, you know, go out and get help and so want to self-medicate before they go out and get help and so they're self-medicating.

Rich V: 34:48

But so I used to go share for those people and come to find out what I'm told from the staff Is there people that would come in and they'd be in the room just screaming rooms or whatever you want to call it, just yelling and screaming all day long and just making a scene. But then they'd come to the meeting that we're having and they're just quiet and they watch the whole meeting and they'd actually ask questions and it would completely calm them down and then the whole rest of the day they would be just fine, and so we were always able to calm these people down and then a lot of the patients that were there it would get them to open up and speak with people and stuff because they can relate to, because we would tell our stories about how difficult we had it and the times we had but how we had to get help and try to learn how to deal with this disease. That'll get you for the rest of our lives. But so we tell of all stories so they know we were able to, you know, dig ourselves out of out of a surely grave, coming on the way they can too. It's so cool giving these meetings to these people, so cool. They're having some of the worst days in their life. They can talk to people who can relate to them.

Rich V: 36:19

So that was really fun. But one guy was hysterical though. I had a bottle of water that had taken a couple of sips from as soon as I was done with me. He ran up there and grabbed the bottle and had to take a sip of it because he thought for sure that there was vodka. That was my favorite, uh, one of my most favorite. Uh. Giving um service preserves. Yeah, thanks, my mind's gotta go, yeah I have.

Abbie G: 36:47

We, as I mentioned, I have a really group of ladies that it's, uh, my sober group of ladies, and I really try to keep up with as many of them as I can. It's it's kind of a just random group, but whenever somebody has a birthday or somebody's speaking or whatever the occasion is, we all try to if we can show up for that person, and so that's what service means to me. And another way is to show up, which is fairly common. But when somebody says I'm having a birthday or I'm speaking or whatever it is, and can you come, you say yes, if you can, and so I did that a couple weeks ago ago. And birthdays are super important, of course, but it's just really neat to have somebody have either to speak or to have a birthday. And just like there was this one meeting for my, my one year, and it's this tiny meeting and we brought 15 people to this tiny meeting and they had to get extra chairs because we couldn't fit in the building, in the room, and then it's.

Abbie G: 37:53

But it's like that, that's great If you get enough news out, we fill up the meeting and everybody's like who are all these people? Because we just fill up the meeting Cause everybody's got the word out of all these ladies that are coming to support the other one, that Meaning everybody's got the word out of all these ladies that are coming to support the other one.

Rich V: 38:07

That's so great, and those people are being of service to you, yeah, to me, and then us to them when they have it too.

Abbie G: 38:12

It's just a really beautiful thing and we all just get the word out and we're like, hey, who's coming?

Rich V: 38:18

And so it's really cool. Yeah.

Abbie G: 38:20

Yeah.

Rich G: 38:21

It's pretty fun. I know you and your friends you guys do a lot to help each other feel really special and good about themselves.

Rich V: 38:26

It's really important.

Rich G: 38:27

So, to finish the show out, we'll do as usual. So in the spirit of progress, not perfection. What's going on? What have you been working on lately? For me, I've been just working on trying to prioritize some things in life, mostly financially, some things in life, mostly financially, just as I'm coming into a little bit of a different season and trying to maybe weed some things out that I don't need and prioritize some things and get a little more organized in that aspect of my life. So that's what I'm working on right now.

Abbie G: 38:59

For me, recovery-wise, I'm working on when people pop into my mind. Instead of just having them pop into my mind, I try to text them and ask them how they're doing. I had two people last week that I thought of and I text them instead of just thinking about them and letting it pass. So that's what my goal is is to reach out to the people that I think of if they haven't seen them in a meeting in a while or I haven't talked to them in a while, instead of just thinking of that, actually reaching out. So that's what I'm working on love that.

Rich V: 39:30

What I've been working on lately is, uh, I'm just pretty easy. I've just been taking care of my sister. She's, uh does not a good patient when it comes to just relaxing and taking care of herself and uh, hopefully she will get a hint, because today she's hurting pretty bad because she's been trying to do too much. I've been trying to be of service to my sister and I will continue to be for the next couple of weeks while she's healing up. So that's what I got working on.

Rich G: 39:59

Right on. And how about any good gifts you've gotten recently from recovery For me? I have just been feeling so connected with people in my groups that I go to outside of 12 Step with the people here at this table with my family. I've just been feeling wildly connected and I know that I owe just a massive part of that to recovery. Big guy upstairs, yeah, yeah, big guy upstairs, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, my connection to that is because of recovery, right.

Abbie G: 40:32

So a lot of good things in life, uh, a lot of good feelings right now, so my higher power surprised me with another sponsee I wasn't looking for, but it's great and I love it and it's working out wonderful. So I wasn't looking for another one, but now I've got two and it's going wonderful.

Rich V: 40:48

Oh, that's great. Congratulations oh, that's fantastic.

Abbie G: 40:52

Just showed up and it was just supposed to be. That's great. It really was, because I met her and we instantly clicked and then we had our first meeting and it was really comfortable and it's been comfortable ever since. We just were very comfortable with each other and my first sponsee is the same way. When I met her, I felt like I knew her and it was comfortable immediately. Second thing same thing. You know what I mean. God brings me people that I know for sure, I can talk to, and that's perfect for me.

Rich V: 41:23

What a blessing.

Abbie G: 41:24

So wow it's great.

Rich V: 41:27

So now I've got two ladies what's the? Question gifts. Any big gifts lately, oh man, gifts are just non-stop, oh you got that pretty big one with your niece yeah, that's a huge one. So yeah, stop there, let that one live all right. Oh, you know, gifts are nonstop yeah.

Rich G: 41:46

Yeah, Pretty good, that's pretty good. Well, if you have any questions about today's show or anything else recovery related, please do feel free to reach out in our comments section, Facebook, Instagram or email the riches. You can find all of that information in the episode description. We'll release episodes on the 1st and 15th of each month and we look forward to having you join for future content. Thank you both for hanging out today.

Rich G: 42:12

Yeah that was fun and thank you for being part of our sobriety today Hanging out with us. Thank you so much for giving us some of your time. We really hope you got something out of today's episode. We would be honored if you would like and share the episode or leave a comment with your takeaways. Don't forget to subscribe to tune in to future episodes. Have a great day.