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In this foundational episode of our Fundamental Series, we explore what it really means to live in the Recovery Zone—a space defined not just by abstinence, but by the integration of three essential pillars: boundaries, self-care, and sobriety. These aren’t standalone ideas—they’re interconnected forces that support and reinforce one another. When one is missing, the whole system can collapse.

Sean and Dayne break down each of these pillars, reflecting on their personal journeys and sharing insights from the broader recovery community. What does an effective boundary list actually look like? Why is self-care often the hardest to build, especially after years of self-neglect? And how can all of this help make abstinence something sustainable, not just survivable? Whether you're early in recovery or reevaluating your routine, this episode offers practical tools, honest reflection, and a framework for building a life that heals—not just one that avoids relapse.

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In this episode, Sean and Dayne sit down with their friend Tyler, a fellow brother in recovery, to unpack a familiar but powerful story—one that began in early adolescence with porn and masturbation, and followed him into adulthood, deeply affecting his relationships. Tyler opens up about a season of long-term sobriety, the devastating fall that followed, and the pain and disorientation that relapse brought. Together, we reflect on the deeper questions of what it means to be a good man, how addiction distorts that pursuit, and the specific battles Tyler continues to face in his journey toward lasting freedom. This honest conversation reminds us that the road to recovery is rarely linear—but it’s always worth it. 

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 In this episode, Sean and Dayne unpack a hard but honest question: Are we actually progressing in recovery—or have we just upgraded our relapse cycle? We take a raw look at the pattern we often see in recovery communities: relapse, confession, repeat. The timeline may stretch, the guilt may lessen, and we may get better at sharing—but is that real healing? Or have we simply learned to manage our shame instead of breaking free from it? This episode invites deep self-examination about how we use community—are we leaning in for transformation, or just to feel better for a moment? 

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In moments of stress, temptation, or emotional overwhelm, grounding your body is one of the simplest ways to return to clarity and calm. This short, guided 4-7-8 breathing exercise is designed to help you pause, reset, and reconnect — wherever you are in your recovery journey. Just five minutes. No pressure. Just presence. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8… and give your nervous system the peace it’s craving.

Use this anytime you feel unsteady, triggered, or just need a reset. Your body is not your enemy — it can be your anchor.

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In this episode, we unpack the difference between sex and true intimacy — a line that's been increasingly blurred, especially in the age of pornography and compulsive masturbation. These habits create a counterfeit version of intimacy: one that offers physical release without emotional connection, control without vulnerability. We ask the tough questions: Is sex the same as intimacy? Is being overly nice at home — always agreeable, always “on” — truly intimate, or just a performance to avoid discomfort?

We explore the role of heart, intent, and integrity in cultivating real connection. Because real intimacy doesn’t come from avoiding conflict or chasing pleasure — it comes from being known, seen, and loved without the mask. And that starts with showing up authentically, not just physically.

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 In this episode, John and I explore the idea of rescuing beauty inspired by John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart—but we take it further. We talk about how beauty isn’t just found in a woman or romance but in the simple moments of life we often overlook. As we walk the road of recovery from sexual addiction, and our dopamine levels begin to reset, we start to see the world with fresh eyes: the quiet of an early morning, the color of a summer sky, the feeling of contentment without chasing constant stimulation. Join us as we reflect on how learning to pause, to notice, and to appreciate the ordinary can heal our hearts and rewire our desires for something truer and deeper. 

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In this follow-up conversation with two college students courageously battling porn and sexual addiction, we explore the real-life impact of their struggle on friendships, dating, and daily routines. They open up about how setting boundaries—like stepping away from social media, limiting video games, and accepting parental controls—has reshaped their social life and identity in college. With raw honesty, they reflect on their last relapse and share how self-compassion helps them build a healthier roadmap forward. Join us as they reveal the practical strategies and mindset shifts sustaining their recovery, even when it means sacrificing some of the typical “fun” of their age group to protect what matters most. 

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In this episode, we explore Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and its powerful vision of masculinity—that every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. These themes resonate deeply with the recovery journey, where men are called to reclaim their strength, confront their past, and fight for lasting transformation. We’re also joined by Greg, who shares his inspiring story of over 1,000 days of sobriety and a growing list of hard-fought victories. His testimony brings these themes to life and reminds us what’s possible when a man chooses to live with courage, purpose, and heart. 

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In this two-part conversation, Sean sits down with Joe and JT — two young men in recovery — to unpack the unique challenges of addiction in the college years. From the pressures of campus life to the complexities of dating, they explore what it means to pursue sexual integrity in a culture pushing the opposite.

But this isn’t just a conversation for college students — it’s a wake-up call for fathers, mentors, and any man wondering how to start the conversation that changes everything. Joe and JT share how their first talks with their parents about addiction unfolded — the good, the awkward, and the redemptive.

These episodes will challenge you to take ownership, rethink your role in others’ healing, and ask yourself: What kind of man am I becoming — and who am I helping become free alongside me?

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 In this episode, Sean is joined by John to dive into one of the most essential—and difficult—aspects of recovery: learning to give and receive the truth. We explore what real accountability looks like, how to build relationships where truth can be spoken with love and received with humility, and why truth is not just a correction, but a catalyst for change. Drawing from our own experiences in the recovery community, we share stories of the hard truths that challenged us—and the ones we weren’t ready for. This is an invitation to every man listening: surround yourself with people who love you enough to tell you the truth, and become the kind of man who welcomes it. 

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Our unwanted behaviors don’t come from nowhere. In this episode, Sean and Dayne unpack how childhood wounds, emotional neglect, abuse, and unmet needs lay the groundwork for compulsive sexual behavior and addiction. We explore how triggers are often echoes of unhealed pain—and why healing doesn’t mean living in the past, but learning not to be controlled by it. This is a raw and honest look at the stories that shaped us—and how grace, truth, and brotherhood can help us rewrite them.

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In this episode, Sean and Dayne go deeper into a hard but necessary truth: there’s no such thing as “safe” porn—because porn isn’t just videos or websites. For those in recovery, porn includes anything that fuels sexual fantasy, lust, or escapism. Whether it's a “quick scroll,” a steamy scene, or a moment of mental indulgence, it all weakens the integrity we're fighting to rebuild. We speak directly to those who already know porn is not okay but keep relapsing by holding onto loopholes and blurred lines. If you’ve ever justified “just this once” or “it’s not really porn,” this conversation is for you. No shame—just honesty, clarity, and a path forward. 

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In this raw and honest episode, Sean is joined by guest co-host John to dive deep into the war raging inside the addicted brain — a war fueled by hijacked dopamine pathways. Drawing from Dopamine Nation and their own brutal recovery journeys, they expose how the endless chase for easy pleasure leaves men empty, numb, and enslaved.

This is a wake-up call for anyone stuck in the cycle: your brain isn't broken — it's been hijacked. It's time to fight for something real again.

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 In this raw and emotionally charged episode of Beyond Sexual Brokenness, Sean and Dayne dive deep into the dark spiral of the novelty effect of porn—how the pursuit of something “new” quickly becomes a trap. With brutal honesty, Sean shares how his addiction pushed him further into genres he never imagined, chasing a dopamine high that was never enough. What started as “curiosity” became compulsion, even distorting his sense of sexual identity and desire. Together, Sean and Dayne confront how this craving for novelty chipped away at their integrity, identity, and relationships. Sean powerfully declares that porn doesn’t deserve to be called “novel” at all—it’s deceptive, corrosive, and enslaving. This episode is a gut-check for anyone wondering where the road of unchecked consumption can really lead. 

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In this episode of Beyond Sexual Brokenness, Sean and Dayne dive deep into a tough but crucial question: Does an addict have integrity? Joined by their accountability brother Gaines, they wrestle with the true meaning of integrity—how it shaped their lives, how addiction distorted it, and the painful reality of recognizing where they fell short.

They explore the emotional weight of not living up to their own expectations, the strain on their relationships, and the disconnect between their actions and their values—especially as husbands, fathers, and men of faith. But beyond the pain, they also discuss the hope of rebuilding integrity in recovery, striving to become the men they were meant to be.

Raw, real, and unfiltered—this is a conversation every addict in recovery needs to hear. Tune in now.

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In this thought-provoking episode of Beyond Sexual Brokenness, co-hosts Sean and Dayne, along with their accountability brother John, dive deep into the raw and complex narrative of Beautiful Boy — the gripping story of addiction and family struggle captured in the acclaimed book and film.

Together, they explore the parallels between Nick’s journey and their own experiences with addiction recovery, asking challenging questions about family dynamics, personal responsibility, and the often-overlooked impact of addiction on loved ones. How do past experiences of parents, like Nick’s father experimenting with drugs, influence the course of addiction for future generations? Does a lack of stability in the home play a deeper role than we often consider? And do we show more grace toward those struggling with chemical dependencies than those facing sexual addiction?

By examining key characters and pivotal moments, Sean, Dayne, and John consider how their own growth in recovery would shape their perception of Beautiful Boy today. They reflect on the themes of connection, the desire to belong, and the pain of feeling “homeless” — a cycle familiar to those trapped in addiction.

Tune in for an honest and vulnerable conversation that goes beyond the surface, offering insights not only for those in recovery but also for the families and friends who walk alongside them.

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In this thought-provoking episode of Beyond Sexual Brokenness, cohosts Dayne and Sean dive into the complex question: Is addiction a simple choice? The two engage in a heartfelt debate, unpacking how this question has shaped their own recovery journeys.

Dayne wrestles with the tension between not wanting to victimize his struggles while also acknowledging how powerless he has felt at times. He shares how this year marks the first in 30 years that addiction hasn't owned him — raising the question: was there a choice involved in breaking free, or was something deeper at play?

Sean opens up about the painful paradox of recovery — how greater clarity brings greater pain, and how that pain forces him to confront the nature of his own choices. Together, they reflect on the early moments of their addiction — was watching porn or masturbating for the first time truly a choice? And if it was, does that even matter now?

Through raw vulnerability and honest disagreement, Dayne and Sean explore the relationship between choice, accountability, and the disease model of addiction. Whether you're in recovery yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode invites you to wrestle with the nuanced reality of addiction — where willpower, pain, and grace all collide.

Listen in as they ask the hard questions without easy answers — because sometimes the most healing conversations are the ones we can't tie up in a neat bow.

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In this thought-provoking episode of Beyond Sexual Brokenness, Sean and Dayne go head-to-head in a deep and honest debate: Should sobriety define who you are? Or is it just a part of your journey—not your identity?

Some say sobriety is the foundation of healing, the proof of real change. Others argue that making it your identity can be a dangerous trap—what happens when you relapse? Does that mean you've lost yourself? If you’re not "sober enough," does that mean you’re not recovering?

Sean and Dayne take different stances, pushing each other—and you—to critically examine your relationship with sobriety. They reflect on how their perspectives have shifted after a year of committed recovery. Sean shares why he fought against letting relapse define him, while Dayne questions whether avoiding that definition makes it harder to stay accountable.

• Can sobriety be a core part of who you are without it becoming a burden?
• If we don’t let sobriety define us, are we leaving the door open to return to old patterns?
• Is sobriety the key to reclaiming our true selves, rather than something that restricts us?
• How do we hold onto the passion for recovery when setbacks happen?
• Are you more than your sobriety, or is that a risky mindset?

Join the debate and reflect on what sobriety means for you. Does it define you? Should it?

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In this episode of Beyond Sexual Brokenness, Sean and Dayne take a deep dive into Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers, exploring how its haunting lyrics resonate with their journeys of recovery from sexual and compulsive behavior addiction.

"Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a partner, sometimes I feel like my only friend is the city I live in, the city of angels..."—Sean reflects on the deep isolation he felt at the height of his addiction, how he gave away years of his life, his integrity, and his sense of self.

Dayne considers the line, "I don’t ever want to feel like I did that day," and how it mirrors his shift in recovery—from just trying to stop destructive behaviors to finding purpose, setting goals, and embracing inspiration.

Together, they discuss how music takes on new meaning in recovery, the power of loneliness and redemption in the song, and how their own experiences align with its themes of loss, longing, and healing. Tune in for an honest and heartfelt conversation on the intersection of music and transformation.

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In this episode of Beyond Sexual Brokenness, Sean and Dayne dive deep into James Clear's bestselling book Atomic Habits—but not your typical book review. They don't just talk about the four key laws of habit formation, they share real-life examples from their own journeys of recovery and how these strategies have impacted their sobriety and healing.

While Atomic Habits isn’t specifically a book about addiction recovery, its practical advice on creating positive habits is incredibly relevant for anyone working through addiction. The strategies James Clear outlines can be game-changers in building a life of stability, self-control, and personal growth—and Sean and Dayne prove that by sharing their own successes, struggles, and ongoing efforts to implement these methods.

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

• The 4 key laws of habit formation that can help you build healthier habits and break free from the old ones:
  1. Make it obvious – How "habit stacking" and creating the right environment can set you up for success.
  2. Make it attractive – The concept of "motivation bundling" to pair desirable activities with necessary ones.
  3. Make it easy – The "2-minute rule" and how committing to the first two minutes of an action can build momentum.
  4. Make it satisfying – Why rewards and celebrating small wins are key to reinforcing habits that stick.
• Sean and Dayne’s personal stories of habit formation in the context of addiction recovery, particularly around spending more intentional, quality time with their spouses—a crucial part of their healing journey.
• The motion vs. action distinction: Sean and Dayne break down why it’s easy to go through the motions of forming a habit without truly taking action—and how that subtle difference impacts long-term success.
• Overcoming the fear of failure: Both hosts discuss how the desire to avoid pain or failure can often sabotage our attempts to build positive habits, especially in recovery, and share how they push through these challenges.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to build lasting habits in their recovery journey or personal life. Whether you’ve read Atomic Habits already or not, Sean and Dayne provide a practitioner's perspective on how these principles can apply directly to overcoming addiction and living a more intentional life.

Remember, "We can't stumble into recovery." It takes intentional action, and with consistent practice, positive habits will lead you to a transformed life. Tune in and start taking action today!

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In this heartfelt episode, licensed marriage and family therapist Andrew Engstrom addresses vital questions provided by a supportive recovery community, focusing on rebuilding love, trust, and intimacy in marriages affected by addiction.

The conversation begins with a prayer, asking for blessings on marriages and encouraging hearts to open to recovery and freedom. With Andrew's extensive experience in therapy and addiction recovery, the episode provides insightful guidance for spouses and partners walking alongside addicts in their recovery journey.

The questions addressed in this episode are split into three core themes: sensitivities around discovery and disclosure, managing the fear of relapse (including PTSD), and rebuilding love and trust. Topics discussed include:

• How much should I share? When should I share?
• Am I policing or monitoring my spouse enough?
• Why is trust so scary?
• How do I rebuild trust and love after betrayal?
• Is my progress enough to save my marriage?

Andrew dives deep into these questions, emphasizing the importance of honesty, transparency, and the painful yet necessary journey of healing. He reflects on the power of sharing difficult truths, saying, “If you do truce, you will rejoice.”  “Intimacy is probably the scariest thing on the planet.” But he also encourages listeners with the idea that when a marriage survives hardship, it demonstrates a deep, resilient kind of love: “When the house is still there after the tornado, then you find out there is real love.”

One of the central themes of Andrew’s therapeutic approach is “tension holding,” where couples are encouraged to engage in difficult conversations rather than avoid them. He stresses that the depth of a marriage is reflected in the ability to share struggles, with statements like, “The limit to which you can speak about something is the limit to which you are married.”  Andrew highlights the beauty in how deeply a person can be hurt by betrayal, acknowledging that it is a testament to the heart’s capacity for commitment.

Andrew warns against “staggered disclosures." “Staggered disclosure is death for the mind,” he notes, advocating for open, transparent conversations guided by a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT).

Andrew emphasizes that, while relapses are a painful reality in recovery, there must be hope. “Suffering builds character, and character builds hope,” he reminds listeners, encouraging them to face their fears together. 

Throughout the episode, Andrew reminds spouses and partners that even though recovery can feel uncertain and painful, the ability to listen and understand each other's hearts is a powerful tool in healing. “Let me hear your heart,” he says, “You want to hear their heart. It hurts, but you are winning.”

Find Andrew:
https://seattlechristiancounseling.com/counselors/andrew-engstrom
sign up for his upcoming book via https://bit.ly/Corinthians_13

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After over 300 days of sobriety, Sean and Dayne reflect on the emotional challenges they still face. While their addiction recovery has brought progress, the journey is far from over. In this episode, they explore how their health and healing are interconnected and why the more they heal, the more they uncover areas that still need attention.

What's Still Bothering Us After 300 Days of Sobriety?

"I still deal with issues of self-esteem and measuring my worth and value."

Even with the progress made in recovery, old struggles don’t simply disappear. Both hosts discuss the persistent challenges they face around self-worth, especially when life outside of recovery—like career challenges—brings stress that can trigger old patterns.

Stress, Life Challenges, and Addiction Triggers

Life doesn’t stop, and neither do the stresses that can push them toward old habits. Dayne opens up about how career challenges and life rejections can feel like affirmations of his failures, causing his brain to make unhealthy connections between those experiences and his ability to maintain sobriety.

"When I get declined for a job interview, does it say something about my worth? Does it trigger my brain to think of myself as a failure?"
“Am I even good enough to receive the grace I’m being given?”

Insecurity and the Impact on Sobriety

"Anything that triggers my insecurities can challenge my sobriety."

Even though some insecurities may not be directly related to their addiction, their minds can still make harmful correlations. They discuss how insecurity, even in areas unrelated to addiction, can bring about dangerous thoughts that threaten their recovery.

"Long-term sobriety has helped me start to separate my emotional pain from my old acting-out patterns."
"Life challenges and high emotional pain can still trigger me, but now I can see them more proactively."
"Watching porn and masturbation is no longer a normal way of managing pain for me."
"It really grosses me out and makes me angry that I used porn and masturbation for so long to manage my emotions."

The Ongoing Battle: Recognizing Patterns and Growth

"I love that you’re noticing emotional patterns in your life more proactively."
"Am I taking anger from my past addiction and unleashing it on other parts of my life?"

Despite the progress, Sean recognizes that recovery is a long-term process. 

"I can’t overcome years of issues in just one year."
"The addict Sean took over my life for so long. Now that the addict isn’t in the driver’s seat, other parts of my personality are being heard and expressing their issues."

Sobriety and the Root Cause: The Necessary First Step

Sean emphasizes that sobriety was essential to uncovering the root causes of his addiction and emotional struggles.

"Sobriety and finding the root cause is not a chicken-and-egg problem for me."

He explains that he needed sobriety first to begin addressing the underlying issues—issues that had been buried for years.

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If you've been struggling with addiction for as long as we have, you've likely experienced countless attempts to start fresh. We all remember those moments—birthdays, Christmases, and New Year's Eves—when we promised ourselves that this would be the time we turned things around. The day after a relapse, motivated by the hope of a fresh start, we dive in once again, only to face new challenges.

In this episode, Sean and Dayne share their personal experiences with "fresh starts" in their recovery journey. Reflecting on their past struggles and triumphs, they also discuss their hopes for the future, especially as they look ahead to their first clean year in decades. This conversation highlights key aspects of starting fresh, from rebuilding relationships to developing healthier habits.

Fresh Start and Its Impact on Our Loved Ones:

"I didn't realize how disconnected I was with my wife and kids."

Recovery isn't just about the individual—it's about reconnecting with the people who matter most. Sean and Dayne talk about the sometimes painful realization that their addiction led to emotional distance from their loved ones.

Fresh Start and Continuous Learning:

"The healthier I get, the more I realize how unhealthy I have been."

The journey to recovery is a process of continuous learning. Both Sean and Dayne explore how the more they heal, the clearer it becomes how deeply their addiction impacted their lives, shaping unhealthy patterns and mindsets.

Fresh Start and Building Consistent, Positive Patterns:

"I have not done anything more consistently and repeatedly than porn and masturbation for over 20 years."

Consistency is key, but it often works against us in addiction. In this segment, Sean and Dayne discuss how they've had to rebuild their lives from the ground up, creating new, healthier habits in place of destructive routines they've held onto for years.

Fresh Start and Reconnecting with Your Community:

"If your community doesn't know your story, it's not part of your support system."

Recovery is rarely a solitary journey. Both hosts emphasize the importance of being open with your support network—without sharing your struggles, that community can't truly support you.

Finally, the episode concludes with Sean and Dayne sharing examples of realistic goals and positive patterns they are focusing on for the new year, illustrating what a fresh start looks like in the context of real recovery.

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The holiday season can be especially tough for those in recovery, often bringing up feelings of loneliness, stress, and the pressure of unrealistic expectations. With love, family, and tradition at the forefront of every movie, song, and gathering, how do we stay sober and true to ourselves?

In this episode, we hear from two guests with different lengths of sobriety: one early in his journey, and the other with 890 days of sobriety under his belt. Together, they share their struggles, insights, and strategies for navigating the complexities of the holidays while staying sober.

Some key takeaways from our discussion:

• "Through my work with my therapist, I’ve realized that my use of pornography had little to do with sex. It was more about how I managed stress and pain in my life."
• "The holidays disrupt my routine, and that can be tricky."
• "How much of the holiday pressure is cultural, family-imposed, or self-imposed?"
• "I use the Relay app to track six things I do every day, whether it’s December 24th or any other day."
• "I hate the holidays — the expectations, the pressure, and the family dynamics."
• "I’m choosing not to spend the night at my parent’s house."
• "You can’t control everything that happens during the holidays, but you can control your response if you prepare."
• "Get out of the house and don’t isolate yourself."

Tune in to hear honest reflections and practical advice for navigating sobriety during the holiday season.

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In this episode, we dive into the topic of complacency in the sobriety journey. Is complacency about:

• Getting too comfortable in your recovery?
• Overestimating your control over your addiction?
• Losing touch with the struggles of the past?

Join three men as they share their personal experiences navigating addiction recovery. Together, we explore how complacency has shown up in their lives and the strategies they use to stay grounded in their recovery. This is a powerful conversation on how to stay committed to healing, growth, and mental health in the long run.

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