Time Marches On: Embracing the Inevitable

In Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata," he encourages each of us to, "Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth." In this episode, Mike Lunney offers insight from his personal experience for aging well, whether it is professionally or personally. Aging happens to all of us, it is actually a privilege! Embrace the process, welcome the lessons, and be willing to gracefully share this with those who follow!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm excited for the conversation today. Uh I think it's an interesting topic. I don't know that it's one that I would have uh immediately said, hey, let's talk about that. But um and you know, I listen, it's funny down through the years, the things in my life that have said you're getting older. Without somebody tell me you're getting older without telling me you're getting older. Uh I heard you're gonna be a grandpa at 42. That was the first time in my life I thought, oh my goodness, I am not old enough to be a grandpa. But I was, and it's been a great thing, it's been a wonderful uh experience. Um, I kind of peeked ahead at some of your notes, and I think one of the things that uh, and this is ask Mike, obviously, by the way, my friend Mike Lunny. But one of the things that I don't remember seeing in your notes necessarily is uh yes, it happens to all of us, but I don't know that in spite of how many different ways people say it, you realize how fast it happens, or you wake up one day and realize, man, here I am. Yeah, yeah. So uh I'm interested, brother. What what wisdom, what advice have you gotten?

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Wisdom, it's more just uh rambling around, maybe, but it's uh it kind of came from uh being a convention and sitting around with some adult beverages and some friends of my age group. Right. I'm 63 at the at this moment, and uh, and you know, we we just kind of talk about things. And it was like I found it interesting that it was things we were talking about that maybe could be beneficial for a younger director, you know, that's as far as personal and for their band life. And man, you hit it in the nail on the head when you said it happens quicker than you think it happens. You know, it's like one day it's your first year of teaching, and then all of a sudden it's 31 years in. And I know it's sometimes it feels like a prison sentence. In some ways, it's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe it's you know, it's already at this level, you know, we're we've already gone this far. Um, so you know, it's as you kind of sit back a little bit and you kind of think, you know, if you think of it like a football game, you know, by the time you're in your 60s or your late 50s and you're looking at retiring as a band director, you're kind of in your fourth quarter. Okay. Your first quarter, your second quarter, your halftime, your third quarter, and it's like your fourth quarter, but you know, just like a good football game, you kind of want that fourth quarter to be good. Hope it's exciting. You want it to be exciting, you know. You don't want it just be uh run the clock out and here we go. So and it don't tune us out yet, oh my faithful listeners, you know, because uh already I can already feel like, oh God, this is gonna be like he's gonna preach to us about something. Um it's more, and maybe it does ramble a little bit, but uh maybe there'll be some things in here that I don't it's certainly not wisdom, but things for you to kind of chew on.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah, and listen, I said that and then made myself laugh. I do want it to be exciting, but in the right way.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Yeah, yeah. There are events that are exciting that I just think colonoscopies or anything like that, you know. So we're not we're not gonna go there. You know, I've got plenty of good stories on that, but it's not gonna end with a that's a little too personal. You do know you're getting old when uh when you have three pairs of glasses. I have my one for each room for computer, and I've got my glasses for uh driving and and normal life, and I've got my glasses for the uh reading trumpet music. And I even stand and my trumpet to my eye doctor and set it all up in the office so he can measure exactly how to do my glasses. I think that's fascinating that you did that.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

That is that it's I've got the the progressives, you've never even considered, you know, getting the progressives for it.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

But you know, if you're if you're a musician and playing, you know, you can't you can't do this with your head to read the modern music because then your trumpets, you know, because then your trumpets in front of the music says, like, I need single vision glasses for this, you know. You know what's funny, my granddad, you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Love my granddad. He had reverse bifocals. And it freaked me out because he played so much golf.

unknown 4:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

So when he would when he would look down, if he had the bifocals, he couldn't see the ball. Yeah. And and it turns out they call those mechanics. The mechanics get these all the time because they're looking up to work on whatever they're looking at, but when they look down, they need to be able to, you know, see normal. But I'd reverse bifocal, they can do all kinds of things. They can specific to your needs.

SPEAKER_00 4:36

Like me, when I would like watch movies laying on a couch, I would just take my glasses and turn them upside down.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

That way I'm not looking, that way I can see the TV better. Man, this is such a trail, but the hardest thing for me to learn, because I didn't have them until just a couple years ago. Yeah, I can't shave with them.

unknown 4:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

I'm gonna cut your throat. I knew I needed them, Derek. This is a good band story. Uh, we were doing sight reading, and uh, I just had regular single vision glasses, and I left off the page turn at the end because I never saw it. And the kids, we still we made a one. We didn't play the last eight measures of the piece. You know, you just cut them up. Yeah, I cut them off and they all stopped and they all smiled at me. And I went outside and I go, What's going on? Y'all got a clue answer. Mr. Lenny, you never rehearsed, nor did you have us play the last eight measures. We were all wondering. And it was Barbara Lamerick had written this drunken sailor song for the put it. It was the level four. And uh went back in and after we got our trophy, and I said, uh, that's how good the Wiley band is. We don't have to be the last thing. So y'all realize we didn't play the last eight measures. We were the first band in. And they go, No, we didn't notice. Yeah. So but yeah, at the the day after I went and got my eyes checked and got the programs for bifocals, so I could see the music better.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

It was so we see the need for the episode.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Yeah, yeah. Let's let's let's go to the episode. Yeah, we could we could do uh a bunch of old farts sitting around the breakfast table talking about how they're dying. You know, let's get to the real stuff here. You know, it's uh, you know, you you kind of begin this stretch of your life, and uh and slowly those truths that you kind of avoided your whole life begin to surface. You know what I mean? And things that maybe you didn't really necessarily avoid, they just weren't a concern, you know. Um, if you're 25 years old, you don't really think about retirement, you don't think about health when you're older, you don't think about how are you going to teach when you're at a certain age. These things kind of I I don't want to say they sneak up on you, but they just kind of happen gradually. They do happen gradually. There's nothing controversial about it, you know. But aging doesn't hurt your body first, it hurts your illusions. You know, it hurt it, it doesn't hurt your for most people, it doesn't hurt your body first. It's the idea that have I accomplished anything. You know, if I've been a good spouse, if I've been a good father or mother, have I been a good band director, have I, have I, have I helped you? You know, and it sounds like so uh, you know, Tom Hanks and you know, what was the movie where he's sir, they were going to do D-Day to save that one kid that you know to take him home. I forget the name of the movie, but saving private Ryan. Saving Private Ryan, thank you, sir. That's why we pay big money. Okay. Um, but yeah, you know, so and at the end of that movie it almost makes you cry because the the guy, one of the guys, the guy that was saved, Private Ryan, he was like, Have I been a good person? He's asking his wife, has has my life been worth the sacrifice, yeah. Now, none of us have for my knowledge have gone through that, you know, but there that does crop up, doesn't it? You know, do you ever think about that, Derek? You know, have I have I really been a good person? Have I helped people? I don't know. Right, you know, so but you we gotta kind of deal with that. And I kind of sat down in uh this last week or so and I carved out a handful of necessary truths about personal life and our life as a band director, and more importantly, how they intersect. Because for most of us, band directing is more like being a preacher at a church than it is like being an accountant in an accounting firm. It's they our personal life and our professional life intersect probably more than they should. You know, we we don't just clock out and and go home. You know, we kind of live with this, okay? Um so here's the first one on a personal side. Um kids, whether they're your band kids or whether they're your own personal children, they do not save you from loneliness. This is not a depressing thought, um, but we should not put them in that role. It is not their job to provide a social structure for us.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Or fair to them.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah, it's not fair to them, it's not fair to them. And I I see this both in uh in my life, um, things that I've done in my life, both uh professionally as a band director, where like uh, you know, you and this sounds really odd to say, and I think some of my band director friends can relate to this, where you almost feel guilty when you do something with your own child that shorts your band program children. And you you you think to yourself, I really need to be at this event to help out with the winter guard or help out with the drumline or whatever. But you know, my son's got this thing coming up, and and it's a terrible thought, but it does enter your mind because your life is so consumed with being a band director. So uh kind of think about that for a second. I don't know, just jump in anytime you want to, Derek, or I'll just but uh you know, kids bring joy, but they're not a shield from loneliness. Okay, and in band, the students are the focus of what we're doing. They really are, they or they should be, okay, at least in my opinion, they should be the focus. But we have to realize that they will graduate or they will quit. The we have to learn how to deal with this reality without taking it so personal, you know. Um, things you can do as a professional, um, you know, try to try to play in some groups. If music is still the venue that you want to do, play in a church group, um, play in a church orchestra, play in a worship team, uh, play in a community band, uh, playing a brass quintet that you just make up. Um, yesterday I just played uh I was honored to sit in with the West Texas Jazz Orchestra and play uh a mean third trumpet book. You know, so I just had a blast, man. It was really a lot of fun. And it's really rewarding. So you've got to kind of uh for lack of a less blunt way of saying it, you've got to somehow make a life that's not dependent upon your own personal children if you have children, or not dependent upon your band children of giving you gratification. Right. There needs to be that separation, okay?

SPEAKER_01 11:02

But it's also Mike, I I think you'd agree with this. I'm not sure it's unrealistic for us to expect our our our natural kids and or our band kids to reciprocate the amount of investment that we put in them. I mean, a lot of you can correct me on this. A lot of our band kids, I think, expect that from you because that's your job, that's what you do. You're supposed to invest in them. But they are not all going to be band directors, they don't all have the same amount of investment. We've talked about this before. Some of these kids are in it because their friends are in it, because it's a great place to hang out, and you get to have uh pizza on Friday night. Yeah, some people just want to go to the football game, and they're not looking for, you know, a heart connection per se.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Yeah, it's it's hard for us to swallow the truth, but for some of them, it's just another class.

unknown 11:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

What do you call those? The chicken fried steak kids? Yeah. And it just meant to be, you know, they just like the Friday night meal, you know. So it's I hope that's not too derogatory as far as like shallow on this, thinking shallow on their part. But, you know, we all have those things in our life that we participate in, that we go to, but to us, it's just one thing out of a hundred. And to the person who runs that organization, it's their life. So we all fill both those roles somewhere along the way, don't we, Derek? You know, sure, and a church or a rotary club or whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

And I think to kind of uh restate your point, it is important as teachers, as educators, as band directors, to have an outlet that is something that that fulfills you and your purpose and and scratches your creative itch beyond trusting a bunch of 11 to 17 year olds to make sure that you feel fulfilled in what you do in life.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Yeah. And it doesn't have to be a musical approach. I I know uh some really good band director friends that are involved in like Habitat for Humanity, and they they they're in groups of Baptists building something or another, and they travel down to South America and build homes, you know, during the summer. And so sometimes I think, you know, if it's the creative thing, which is kind of my venue, I really like doing that. Um, you know, but there's some people that like to be removed completely where they're working and people don't even know they're a band director.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

They don't even know they're a musician, they're just a guy with a hammer and a and a saw and they're they're working their butts off.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

But I think that the point I do want to make sure we make is those don't have to be mutually exclusive. You can still care about your band program, you can still care about your band kids, you can still be a fan, a phenomenal. I had to figure out which adjective I wanted to use. You have you can still be a phenomenal music educator and have outside interests.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yes. And I'll want to up you on the ante on that one, Derek. I think you'll be a better educator.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

I I'd probably agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

If you have another venue, whether it's working with the church, meals on wheels, whatever it is, you know, um playing in a community band, um, you'll be fresher when you get in front of your band. You won't feel as beat down.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

Right. And you'll feel younger.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Yeah. Yeah. And I I want to reach out to my because I my first 13 years was 182. I, and oh man, if you're the band man or the band woman in town, you can get you can get beat down pretty quick because every question, uh, the church needs a new piano with the Methodist Church. Now it's becomes your job to figure out what to do. So it's uh you can get beat down pretty quick. It's uh the real smart ones will go and you know run a marathon or they take up running or they take up whatever. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Right. But I we we all know people, I know directors that are pilots, and that's an outlet for them. Yeah, I I know directors that create some of the most fantastic. We know I just switched subjects in the middle of my own thought. How many great golfers do we know that are that are educators? But they can apply some of that energy and that intensity to that that golf ball instead of whacking at their kids all day. So great point.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

I like it. And so the next one is, you know, and I'm not gonna preach to anybody because uh I've I've definitely been on both sides of this issue, but health is not forever. And I know there's some things in our health that are genetics, there's some things that we can't control. I've got friends who have had issues that uh that it was totally beyond their control. The things that have happened in my life have been totally in my control, and I blew it, you know. And so I'm not gonna sit here and preach to you, but I'll say this one day the outings that you once jumped into with enthusiasm will all of a sudden feel like a marathon. Just trying to get up off the floor after wrapping Christmas gifts will be a major cathlon event. You realize that health was never a background character. It was the main pillar holding your life steady. And I'll tell you this it's uh something that really hit home with me now that I'm in my 60s. You've got to do something uh physical to make sure you maintain the strength in your legs because as soon as your legs go and you can't get out of that recliner easily, you're done. You're done. You're done. You're you're about a month away from home health care. So you better go get the insurance. Okay. Um, and I'm not saying let's let's break into some kind of big giant exercise routine. Um whatever stage you are in life, whatever stage you are in health, um work to do just a little something. If it's just, you know, ride a bicycle, uh, take the stairs instead of the elevator, park as far as you can away from in the Walmart parking lot. So you have to walk into the Walmart store. Do something. And I, you know, instead of eating that hamburger, maybe have a salad every once in a while. So I'm not saying that your life has to change into all this miserable, you know, count every calorie and log every activity. Um, uh for me, that's the only way it worked for me because Derek knows I'm an OCD atomic habits kind of person. So I've got I've got systems that govern my systems, that govern my habits, that govern my microhabits. It's it's ridiculous.

unknown 17:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

So, but it's worked for me. So I'm not saying you have to do that, but uh do realize that if you're a younger director, that right now you feel great, but health is not forever. Either it's things you can control, and then in a worse scenario, there's things you can't control. You know what I mean? All of a sudden you have lung cancer or throat cancer. And we all have those people, the older you get, the more people you know who have died. You know, and some of them they died because they didn't take care of themselves. Some of them died, it was they just were stricken with cancer or some disease, and and things have gone that vicious cycle to where finally they passed away. So it's not trying to be too depressing, but it you know, think about it.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

No, but I'll I'll say this too, Mike, that uh this is part of the aging process as well. Even in my 40s and 50s, as I was watching other people battle things, I felt pretty bulletproof. Oh, yeah. Because I I just didn't deal with a lot of things. Let me rephrase that. I didn't go get checked very much.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

But I wasn't gonna bring that up, but I knew you had this slide that you didn't like doctors. You didn't like doctors. Well, you didn't like doctors, you yeah, yeah. My doctor's great now. I just don't want to hear what they have to say sometimes. Yeah, yeah. The same reason some band directors don't invite clinicians. I felt good I did there.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

I see what you did then. But I'm telling you, I felt good for most of my 40s and 50s. I didn't really feel like I was in decline. But there will you said it this way. There will be a day. And you know, if you don't make time for your health, what is it you're saying?

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Then if you don't you will make if you don't take time for your wellness, you will be forced to take time for your illness.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

For your healing, yeah, yeah. But I guess my point is uh because I'm a lot like you, big picture overwhelms me. Yeah, you know, this huge goal of how do I get from where I am to where I need to be. I have to knock out little things that I know started taking some vitamins, started taking some supplements, started walking, started tracking that walking because that appeals to my nature of the routine and and and the tracking of that, and all those little things will add up to the big things. Yeah. So I guess what I'm trying to encourage is uh as our younger friends, go ahead and start incorporating some of those small things now because they will pay big. It's almost like investing or saving. You know, do what you can now, do the little things now because it will add up in a big way.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Oh, yeah, no doubt. And you know, it's uh if you haven't read it, people know that I've got my Bible because I'm a I'm a Christian man, but I've also got Atomic Habits, which is my secondary Bible. But uh to start working out, I had to use the system in atomic habits. And it's unbelievable. It's like I set my alarm clock to get up at a certain time, but I didn't go do anything else. I just got up.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Then the next step one, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Next week I set out my clothes I was gonna wear and I put those clothes on at my house, but I didn't go to the gym. Then the next week I put those clothes on and I went to the gym at that time and I sat in the parking lot and scrolled on my phone. Think about that for a second. That's it was an atomic habit. I just followed their routine. And then the next time I went into the gym and I spent 10 minutes on the treadmill. And then uh and it's progressed now to this point where this morning I did an hour of cardio and an hour of lifting weights at four o'clock in the morning. You know what I mean? And it's it it expanded from those little tiny microhabits to where it was a pleasure to go do something, and it almost makes me feel uneasy if I don't get to go do something. You know what I mean? So you and it's funny you brought up investing because that is our next thing. We're talking about retirement and money.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Retirement and money. You get to talk about this subject.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Okay. The two things of personal and professional intersect greatly right here. This is interesting to think of it this way, but uh retirement is not a reward, it's a reality check. You know, there's no number for it. People say, When do you retire? I'm gonna retire at 55. And I'm going, Well, are can you retire at 55? Well, I don't know. That's when I'm gonna retire as 55. It's it's like it's a reality check. It's an it's not a year, it's a plan. And uh, you know, I I want to say it this way, but let me explain it after I say it. Money is more reliable than anything else. Okay. That sounds stupid, but let me explain for a moment. You know, we love our kids, we cherish them, uh, but don't make them your retirement plan. Don't depend on your kids to take care of you. Now, I've got a wonderful son, and I know he would take care of me. Um, and I know he would, but I'm not relying on him to take care of me. care of me professionally don't make the job everything your band director job because if you're making your band director job everything I know directors who spend probably monetarily on average 150 to 200 a month on supplies out of pocket out of pocket out of their own pocket I'm not saying that's wrong I will tell you this I never did that when I left my job after working at one place for 19 years I had one milk crate that was it one milk personal stuff of my personal stuff it was some pictures and some file folders everything else was trashed everything else was bought by the school and sometimes I couldn't afford it so I had to wait but the office chair was not mine the desk was not mine there was nothing in that building that was mine but think about this for a second if you're spending 150 to 200 bucks a month out of your pocket for school supplies because you love those children which I'm not denying that I respect that if you put that from age 22 to 60 in an account at the average rate of uh what the ETFs and what the stock market has done over the past 40 years, you'd have $2.9 million dollars when you retire in a portfolio because of the rule of 72 um and because of compound interest. And that's just now I'm not saying that's how the world's going to be forever, but that's how it's worked the last 40 years. So you've got a choice of, and I hate to say it this way, it's okay to help the kids, but don't do it at the own detriment of your retirement. There'll be a time you're going to need that money and those kids are not going to be there to give you money to buy groceries and uh to pay for health care. So that's a really blunt assessment of things. You know, save for yourself. Even small savings create big freedom financial independence is dignity. It allows you to professionally to make more choices. There was times I went from one job to another where because of my uh investments that it's uh I was able to do things and it wasn't like well I've got to have this much money to do this. Does it make sense? Where yeah it's like I can afford to do that. And it's it wasn't that I was a rich person by any means, but I was financially independent to the level once I retired, it's a you know it's a no one can control me financially.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

There is an independence to that that is is almost priceless.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

Yeah it's definitely priceless. You don't have a boss anymore. Right. You don't have a boss you can just get up and do whatever you want to do. And you do things because you love them. I do this podcast not to make a fortune tarpley music does a wonderful job um supporting it and allowing me to have an honorarium to come do this and I'm I'm very grateful for that. But it's not a get rich quick scheme. Okay. I do it because I love doing it. And if there comes the time when I don't want to do it I'll just give everyone fair warning and I'll just say I don't want to do this anymore. You know and it's it's not like it any of my bills are dependent upon um the the gracious uh opportunity that Tarpley gives me in this. So I I appreciate their support but it's uh but it's nice to have that independence.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Where it's not attached to my electric bill.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Well and I and Mike I'm gonna twist on you a little bit too that I you know you were talking about that 150 bucks a month. Yeah that a lot of people and a lot of people say well I don't have the money to invest blah blah blah but one of the things that I realized as I had that I'm gonna use the word vices and I'm not talking about evil vices. I'm talking about I used to drink three or four super big gulps a day you know back in the day those were 89 cents a piece now they're uh more than that yeah uh you know or anything any uh most bottled carbonated beverages are two bucks a piece imagine if you didn't spend that money on those two or three times a day times thirty you're getting pretty close to making a pretty good dent in that money that you could invest yeah if you didn't have all those if you didn't invest all that money in snacks if you didn't invest all that money in fast food but you cooked at home listen this sounds more like a a Dave Ramsey conversation but now we're getting very boomer oriented but that's okay. But my point being is that you're gonna get to your 60s hello yeah and go man as I stop and look back at how much money I invested and listen I you know people smoke people use tobacco people enjoy beverages I'm not saying you can't do any of that stuff but what I'm saying is if you're looking for where your money goes look at the superfluous beyond the bills.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Yeah so anyway because those things yeah a lot of times I you know I go and work with bands but sometimes we delve into their budgets not their school budgets but their personal budgets but there was one couple it was hilarious because they were talking about their budget I said well kind of give me a background of what's your budget look like said well you know we we give each other out of our budget 600 bucks a month each for eating out and I said do you realize for $1200 you could pay a person to come cook you dinner every night show up Sunday and bring you seven meals and put it in a good freezer and you would have a meal every night and you'd have lunch and breakfast and you know oh we never thought they'd probably be healthier meals. Yeah they'd be healthier meals you know instead of Taco Bell the whole time but I just but and I'm not gonna sit here because I I know there's some of my younger viewers or they get so tired of hearing this and I understand getting coffee from Starbucks is not keeping you uh it's it's not the problem of owning a home. I've heard boomers say that you know said if you'll just quit but you know quit buying such expensive coffees you know you can buy no there's a lot more to it than that. I mean my college degree cost $8,000 I bought my first house for $32,000. Now it's an expensive world $80,000 and your first home will be $400,000. So I understand completely that we're fighting it those young people I don't know how they're gonna survive on this um but even in whatever you're doing if you can just do 20 bucks a month if you can just find 20 just start please just just start just go to Edward Jones or Merrill Lynch and don't be a day trader because there's day traders are called broke. There's a day trading is gambling. It's in a gambling and uh you know we're getting into it's a Dave Ramsey episode now isn't it but uh the biggest addiction uh in the United States is pornography. The second biggest addiction is sports gambling I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

I it shocked me to think about that two years ago but I don't I'm not shocked by it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

Yeah so there's people who their entire financial future is being ruined by the joy of gambling on how many fourth downs will be converted in the third quarter of a football game.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Not even it is amazing the things that they will put odds on.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Yeah it's it's it it's bizarre now but everyone's got their vices a a good friend of mine uh Mr. Dan Gibbs you remember Mr.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Dan Gibbs yeah I still I love Mr.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Dan Gibbs he's well set up and he's financially has done his thing but he told me one day and anyone who knows Mr. Dan Gibbs will get a chuckle out of this he told me one time he goes Mike some men gamble some men smoke some men drink a lot some men cheat on their wives he goes I've got one vice clothes he is a snappy dresser oh my gosh he has like 30 sports coats of many colors you know what I mean he was amazing down to his socks he would show me the socks goes hey Mike see my new socks I mean those are nice I just got my black socks on I carry say I've got my crew socks on but but to say that everyone has their advice and I will say this that even though I want you to invest there's got to be some joy to life if it finds something if it makes you happy to smoke a cigar every once in a while it's not healthy. It's not a great use of money but if that's what brings you some joy you've if you need it you've got my blessing.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Right. And listen I didn't want to come across wrong either I'm I'm much more interested in the habitual expenditure as opposed to the uh the the moment of I'm gonna relax.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Yeah yeah yeah it it's something in today's economics and something as simple as uh um I started a got a policy for home health care because you know for long-term health care because I'm in my 60s and that's what you're supposed to do. You know what I mean? So I don't want to be a burden to anyone don't want to eat up my assets. But but it it was funny to think about uh you know how much that's gonna be and how much I'm gonna pay for it and you know at different stages of your life you know where you need life insurance at a certain point and then you don't need really life insurance later because you you should be set up and then you you got to go through these stages. So just sure uh try to take time to plan that out okay so uh we'll we'll leave the finance part for a while and we don't want to Dave Ramsey's gonna but they do intersect that was the point we were making my God and they intersect because the band directors I know who uh from just talking to them not I don't you know that they've had some issues with their personal finances tend to not be able to manage their school finances either.

unknown 31:49

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

You know that they don't have control over you know when their bills are paid or whatever. And so the two do intersect greatly because it's a it's a situation to where it's it's a skill just like you know I can't rebuild an engine my brother could he was an amazing mechanic he's passed away now but he was an amazing mechanic um but I I mean I can't even I I try to put together a bookshelf and I dropped the screwdriver 50 times. You know what I mean? It's it's it's it's so sad. It's so sad. In fact when I need something repaired I went through a time in my life where I tried to repair it but then it cost me more because the repairman would show up after I screwed it up more and go, who did this? I did so what's going to cost you 500 more dollars now on this dryer because you just screwed it up dang it.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

So now I got fix it and then fix it again.

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Just to fix what I screwed up. So now it's like it's cheaper just to call you someone where you got the Dane Richardson's the world who could like build a house you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 32:44

So but let me see if this summarizes a little bit or at least I want to make sure I make this point in this section that there's no shame in that not being a strength. Right. Just find someone to help you there's listen in my marriage Sharana financial wizard Derek if there's a check in the checkbook that dates me right oh yeah yeah then I must have money yeah so I had to be honest enough to say I'm not real good at this financial stuff. I'm either if I was a director going to hire somebody that's good at it go find somebody that can help me take care of it. And in my personal life if I'm not good at it I'm not gonna be too proud to go say I need help. Yeah so and do that early not later.

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Yeah and in your school finances find out if you can this is this is a quiet part of the lads we have to whisper it. Find out if you can from your uh financial people um there's two sets of at the time paperwork but now it's all done on computer of the things that the school board looks at as far as raises in budget items and there's a certain percentage think about this for a second because if it goes above that percentage on that line item then it's in a separate stack. And that's what the school board looks at. They don't look at the big stack because it's like floor wax and everything else. So at Wiley for 19 years, Mr. Light, you out there my superintendent are you out there? Every single line item raised by 4.99% every year for 19 years because 5% put it in the other stack.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

And the budget went from $75,000 to you can't even believe compound interest was a thing. You know it's when you're raising the the the amount on it every year. So if you can find that out to your quiet part out loud out there band directors, find that out in your school district because the school board will never see the it's like you know they'll never see it growing that it'll just be like in this big old giant stack of documents on their computer and they're not gonna they're not gonna go through them. It's when you go up by 15% in capital outlay that they go, what's going on here? Hold on hold on chandeliers what are we doing here all right um and what not not to go over it again but you know health is your real job you know make sure guard your sleep like treasure that's so hard because I did not know how much sleep I needed until I retired. And how it affects your health that is so sad to admit out loud because I did not know because I just didn't get enough sleep. So I just the alarm clock would wake up and I'd kind of try to roll out of bed and uh just try to suck down some caffeine. But you know it's since I've retired I've had enough times where I can just go to sleep and I've realized that it's seven hours. I need seven hours. Okay so if I don't have an alarm clock it'll be if I go to bed at 10, I'll get up at five because it's seven hours later. You know and so it's find out how much sleep that you need because it's different for each person. Okay. And illness doesn't discriminate but it respects those who take responsibility for themselves. Okay. So you you've got to try to do something eat cleaner reduce uh poison disguised as sugar and salt right I know I know some doctors have said sugar is more addictive than cocaine you know I saw something the other day that said that I don't remember how many years ago 50 to 100 years ago the average American consumed less than 10 pounds of sugar a year.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Yeah and now it's exponentially higher than that because because sugar is hidden by so many other names in in products now.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Yeah but I'd screw I'd screwed up my life so much that I I became a type two diabetic and uh I'm like right now I'm wearing a glucose monitor and uh and I've pretty much eradicated almost all sugar out of my diet and that was hard. That was the hardest hurdle to overcome it took me I'm not gonna lie to you it took me about six months to right to where that wasn't just a craving.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

And that's a withdrawals are real.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

It was man I it I felt it was miserable but then once I kind of finally got across that hurdle you know it's uh and I know even artificial sweeteners are not the best for you but you know like my my sugar intake is almost at zero you know as far as there's no added sugar there's no coffee sweeteners there's no anything like that so and that's just because I had to because it was either that or die. And again it wasn't like an aesthetic choice it was like okay you're gonna die if you keep doing this you know your kidneys are going your liver's going we're we're gonna you're gonna kill yourself you know to the point of this conversation start looking at that stuff now yeah yeah when you're young yeah so don't screw up like I did we did I wasn't gonna include you in that so it's fine I think we're pretty good of a friend no you and I have had enough conversations to know when the doctor walks in and goes hey did you know you're diabetic yeah what do you want to be able to get out of your chair do you want to be able to use the bathroom by yourself when you're 75 and take care of your paperwork right yeah yeah no those were actual uh discussions in my life okay and uh thankfully uh I'm I'm in a better place now so we'll see hopefully it's not just a fad okay um the next one is uh aging is not an excuse to become helpless we all know those people who uh they get to a certain age and then it's like everyone needs to help me now and there's times we need help we do we do you know but some but I I think most people know what I'm talking about the people that just use oh well I'm old so I can't do this here do this for me you know kind of thing don't use that as a as an excuse and I'll tell you why um people are turned off to that there's something magnetic about a person who is willing to help themselves right and you're gonna push people that you love away from you if you're constantly can you do this for me? Can you do this for me? I can't do this anymore can you do this for me? And we've all I say all if you haven't gone into this you will and I don't know Derek if you've experienced this but when you get in that in-between sandwich moment where you know you're taking care of your parents but you're also trying to raise your kids and it's uh it's a tough part of life man it's but to me that was the toughest part of life right to me because you got responsibilities both directions. And as much as my parents needed me that was kind of I hate to admit it but there's times when I wanted to avoid that.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

You know because it was always every phone call was a problem. There was never a phone call of just joy and it was always oh I can't do this and I can't do this and can you come do this? And and I I did it because I it's what you're supposed to do as a kid. But be careful of that as you get older you know I I try really hard to think twice before I call my son about something you know am I just calling him to complain or you know maybe I should just call and ask how his day was well and I was going to suggest that Mike that sometimes we know when when we pick up the phone and we're like I really don't want to have to make this call.

SPEAKER_01 40:14

And listen I haven't had any tragedy or any matter of fact I still fight leave me alone and let me do this I'm not unable I I'm I'm kind of at that stage everybody's like oh let me do that for you let me do just leave me alone and let me do my stuff it's what it's what I do but at at some time I think it's important for us to say you know what I need to just call somebody and tell them hey man I was thinking about you I appreciate you and tell me how your day is when they're expecting oh I need help and you know I don't know that we I'm trying to create exaggerations just so you can hear my point but um you are exactly right at some point people don't want to answer the phone when they see your name pop up so don't get to that point.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

Yeah people respect the ones who stay capable not the ones who surrender.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

That's a great way to put that that's a professional thing you know it's uh yeah it's uh it's just something to chew on. That's this is kind of a rambling podcast but I it's one I've really wanted to do. Okay. And the next one is uh let go of the past as a director and also in your personal life the good old days were beautiful but they're gone. We can't go back. We're homesick for a time that's not going to ever exist again. And uh I and I'm as bad as anyone else of my age group back in the day when marching bands blah blah blah back in the day when we did such and such. You know that that's pretty good when you're around all your old farts like yourself. You know what I mean? And we we all talk about the good old days and we complain about you know the bands that wiggle and dance or whatever. Right. But uh but you know don't don't be that person that's continually back in the day back in the day you know I'm I'm pretty bad about that to tell you the truth so I've got to I've got to work on that. Cleaning the past steals from the present.

SPEAKER_01 42:19

Right. And I was going to I saw this point in your notes and here's I need to say one thing. I need to say the human brain is made up to remember good things. We don't remember the struggle we don't remember a lot of the difficulty that's the reason women have more than one child they don't remember how bad it hurt they just remember the joy of the child and yeah that's a broad statement coming from a man so take that for what it's like be careful man you're treading thin ice right now I'm just saying it's a painful process and I'm not sure that when and I'm as guilty as anybody when we yearn for the good old days we're just remembering the good times these can be the good old days quit assuming that everything was better and if you've had a great life just be thankful for a great life but I guess the point to to to back you up quit living there. Yeah if it was great it was great but you don't live there you live now so make this great yeah and just because I'm 60 I don't have to sacrifice great.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

Yeah and be ready for uh you know things that change in life if you'd asked me 20 years ago what my life would be like when I'm 63 it'd have been a total different conversation than what actually happened. Exactly and it's it's it's amazing the difference in my life and I'll tell you right now this is the best chapter of my life ever. You know it's it's totally different than I thought life was going to be for Mike Lenny. But it's it's a really good chapter in my life. Is it perfect? Not even Close. But you know, it's it's there's still so many moments worth living. You know what I mean? So uh I don't want to preach to anybody, but you know, when things happen that's drastic in your life, it's not always for the bad, it's not always going to be a bad outcome. It might be painful at the moment, but it's there might be some good things happening here. Yeah, I agree with that. Sometimes the Lord closes one door and sometimes he slams it on your hand, and it's still good that that door closed, even though it was painful.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Yeah, I agree with that. And you know, overthinkers, I'll speak to you real quick. Quit imagining, let it happen. Yeah. If that makes sense. The overthinkers will know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 44:46

Yeah, the older I get, the more I realize most of the things I worried about never happened.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

Right. It's never happened, you know. And one of the greatest things I ever read was all the worry is not going to change the outcome.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Yeah, yeah. It just uh and we can't help but worry a little bit. But uh Right.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

Live where your feet are. And that's what you see.

SPEAKER_00 45:05

Yeah, that's right. And kind of pushes me to the next point. Protect your peace like it's your property because it's the only property you really own. You don't own you don't own land. The government owns the land. And we we won't go into my governmental conspiracy theories right here, or they'll turn into a uh podcast.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

Let's keep this one up, beat.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

Yeah, yeah. I just I hate the government. I can't even express in words how much I hate our government. Okay, but not every argument needs your voice every day, not every insult needs your response. I'm at the age now when someone insults me, I'm like, oh, okay. Cool. Well, I've been fighting words 20, 30 years ago. Um, not every relative deserves access to your emotions.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

Oh, you probably need to say that one again.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Not every relative deserves access to your emotions. They don't. Sometimes it's okay just to look at them and go, Oh, okay.

unknown 46:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

Cool. Respect your point. You know, you don't agree with what I'm doing, but fine.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

You know, it's it well, and I also think that there comes a point where you can say, Man, I'm sorry you feel that way. But you that's your choice. You get to feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

Yeah. And peace is very expensive in energy. Damn expensive in energy. Okay. You have to spend a lot of energy to maintain peace. And I know that sounds counterintuitive, but those who have lived a life and made many mistakes in their life, like Mike Lenny and maybe even Derek, every once in a while, and know that it's really damn expensive in energy to have peace in your life. You've got to build up those walls to uh to make sure that you protect it, protect it from drama, negativity. People that are energy vampires, those draining people, even if they're close to you, you know, you've got to somehow negate that effect. Because I I call them energy vampires. They just they just suck the life out of you, you know. Things to think about.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

I I agree with that. And listen, this is gonna backtrack a little bit. I think it speaks to this point as well. Uh I don't think any of us are immune to having had stupid moments. Oh, yeah. I've I I seem to, and listen, I can say this because I'm saying it about myself. Um, I think selfishness is kind of the root of most of the ills of the world. Um and I've been one of the most selfish people I've ever known in my life, early on in particular, but I've also been one of those people that have held on to some of the stupid things that I did and just let it beat me up for a long time. And at some point, and this goes back to your your past comment, I I just had to sit down and make peace with the fact that that stuff happened. I had to make peace with the fact that, and this is gonna sound terrible and maybe it's deeper than we needed to go in something like this. Not everybody's gonna forgive, not everybody's gonna ever see you more than that one snapshot they had of you in their life. And there have been moments that I've shown up and thought, man, this is gonna be so cool to have this reunion, and people just didn't want to reune to invent a word. They they still saw that stupid 23-year-old or whatever age it happened to be, and that's who I'm gonna be to them for the rest of my life. For my own sanity, I had to get to the point where I know who I am, I know who I am, made things right with God and and and did my personal part of it, and then learn how to be happy and learn how to move forward in that situation without because I think that and you can you're welcome to counter this. Emotional creative people want everybody to like them and want everybody to see how hard they're working to be awesome and to compliment, and it's just not the reality of our life that we have all done things that we thought, and there's still sometimes that I catch myself going, why in the world did I do that? What was the thought process? So that went deep and dark all of a sudden. But my point being, the healthier aspect is to make peace with it. You know, I've I've heard people say, face your demons, do the things that you need to do, and at some point, just accept the fact that your circle of friends, I hope that you have some, who really care about you, are really all you're gonna ever need. And rejoice in that, be happy in that, and sometimes uh we can convince ourselves that uh we're getting an unfair shake. But just remember that people are people and they remember what they remember in the snapshot of time that they remember it in. And so uh I don't know why I felt compelled to share that, but there it is. As I've gotten older, I had to learn how to make peace with a lot of stuff, and I've learned to say, I'm happy where I am. I'm happy being the person I'm still working, but the person I am now is a good person. And I have friends like Mike Lenny who will say, huh, or hey, good job. You know me, I'll tell you the truth. But but I'm saying if I would have known that, I wasted so many years worrying about what other people remembered or thought, or you know, trying regret is harsh. So make peace with that stuff and move on. I guess that's what I'm I guess that's what I'm I hope that fit one of your points, but I just it does.

SPEAKER_00 50:51

Okay. And and the last point to make is uh, and this is hard to do the older we get because we feel like we have our things we do and whatever, but you know, keep learning something, anything. Stagnation makes you old. Stagnation makes you old. Uh learning keeps you young. And uh I think there's a real strong correlation. Uh, it's medically proven um that you know, if you continue to play a musical instrument or if decide to play, you know, take up a little bit of keyboard or whatever, that if you do that, you know, on a regular basis, it helps in the in your mind, you know what I mean, as far as you know, uh memory, as far as uh cognitive skills or whatever. Because I I still like to practice my trumpet. I still play. It's I I've practiced now for 50 years, and I've had students say, Why do you keep practicing? Said, Well, I keep getting a little bit better. Even still, yeah, yeah, I kind of stole that from Yo-Yo Ma. I think Yo-Yo Ma said that about cello and said, Why do you still keep practicing? I said, Well, every day I get better. So, and I do it just not to get better because I I've never was an incredible trumpet player. Every trumpet player thinks they're incredible. The older I get, I realize how mediocre I actually was. But I do it because it keeps my brain fresh. I still this morning I like to practice my trumpet for 45 minutes. I've got little backing tracks, and it's it's real stupid and cheesy, but you know, it's I I like playing my horn, you know. Right.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

And I will also say this retrogression's a thing. That if you don't practice every day, you will get worse. But or at least your muscles will deteriorate and you won't be able to play at the same level. But uh, I also like I think I heard this once that as soon as you quit learning, you start dying.

SPEAKER_00 52:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:36

So and that fits in your stagnation. Anything that's doesn't move stinks.

SPEAKER_00 52:41

Yeah, that's right. So you're either getting ripe or you're rotting. We want to keep getting ripe.

SPEAKER_01 52:52

That's great. I love these thoughts, Mike. These have been fantastic things to do.

SPEAKER_00 52:56

I know this is a bizarre podcast. This is really weird because uh it had some to do, I think a lot actually to do with band directing, um, but more with personal life. And it's just things that kind of weighed on my my soul a little bit. And I just felt like preaching a little bit, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 53:11

But you know, our peers are these people. We have similar experiences.

SPEAKER_02 53:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

And we talk about mentoring all the time. This seems like a weird mentoring thing, big brother, whatever you want to say. But listen to somebody that's been there and has the uh advantage of reflection. So, young people, you'll be us before you know it.

SPEAKER_00 53:36

Yeah, yeah. And it's uh and we need mentors for everything. It's it's been interesting as my journey is uh helping out with bands. It's still working with bands, of course, and working with music or whatever, but it started to delve into you know, people who are getting band directors are getting divorced, or band directors who are moving jobs, or band directors who you know are having trouble with whatever, you know, or their personal finances or school finances or problems. You know, I feel like sometimes I just show up at the band hall and like lay down on the couch, tell me, you know, how was your mother? Is this a is a mother issue? What do you talk about? I feel like a psychiatrist more than a band cleric sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 54:15

Or a bartender.

SPEAKER_00 54:16

Or bartender, yeah. Just keep polishing the glass because they they want you to do something if you just stand there and stare at them. You know, I just kind of keep you know messing with my phone as I ask questions, you know. So I'm like a bartender polishing that whiskey glass, you know. So uh, you know, we we need mentors in our life and just reach out to them and you know, it's artistic deal.

SPEAKER_01 54:34

Realize that there's people with common experiences and shared experiences make us feel human as opposed to unique and uh trapped in some fresh hell that nobody else understands. Yeah. So man, good stuff, brother. Yeah, it's it was fun. It's one of those deals that I love it that everybody uh, you know, it's funny one of your points you made 65 was always the number to me that everybody retires when they're 65. Yeah. No matter what.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

You even social security disagrees with that now because my social security is 67. Right. They keep bumping it up because they're betting that we'll die, and we're betting they'll be give us some money. Sure. I'm pretty sure they're they've got the better bet.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

But you know, and everybody I you know, as a young person, my assumption was everybody's gonna be set for life, and as you said, it's a reward. But the the reality of being in my 60s is that make some better choices in your 20s, 30s, and 40s, and and uh enjoy. And I'm gonna say this again. Please don't suffer in silence, find people to talk to, find people to reach out to. Um, people aren't as judgy as we think they are. There's there's gossips in the world, but people will give you genuine answers, and you will learn something from just about anybody you talk to, one way or another. I'm not saying share your deepest, darkest secrets with everybody. That I don't want you to misunderstand me there, but we have common experiences. Find some of us 60-year-olds and say, hey man, when did you know, or what did you think, or how did this affect you? And and and listen to all the wisdom that we'll just pour out, whether they realize it or not.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

So and I'll throw into there just one last little statement. When I'm 63, I still have people I talk to that are 79 to 85.

unknown 56:32

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 56:32

They're still my mentors.

SPEAKER_01 56:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 56:34

It doesn't so don't think that we're talking to you as people who have arrived.

unknown 56:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 56:40

We're people who are mid, hopefully midstream. You know what I mean? Well, we're a little bit above, uh, never mind. Statistically, we're above the middle age. Um, but there's still questions I ask of people who are 79, 81, 82. It's uh that part never ends. We got it. Right.

SPEAKER_01 56:58

So there you go. Aging. Can't escape it, might as well embrace it.

unknown 57:03

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 57:05

It's gonna catch you sooner or later. You might as well deal with it. You might have to take uh vitamins that say 50 plus on them or silver or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 57:13

Centrum 50, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:18

Go see the doctor, keep it healthy. So I don't know a graceful way to exit this, Mike. Yeah, appreciate the fact that we're both here.

SPEAKER_00 57:25

Both just need to shut up. Yes, we should both shut up and say goodbye. Sign of aging. Sign of aging, yeah. Oh Lord, bye.