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Cultivate a plan for what truly matters as you plan your future birth:
Links to all the extra good stuff:
Click to check out the Beautiful One Membership experience! NOW OPEN!
Birth Vision Worksheet Freebie
Join our email community + get instant access to our awesome Sleep Freebie: HERE
Browse all our favorite women’s supplement recommendations: HERE
Submit your answer-on-the-show questions: HERE
Subscribe to the podcast to catch every episode. Follow us on Instagram for all the extra education and antics in between episodes at @beautifulonemidwifery
You're at home with Kelly and Tiffany and I am Tiffany I'm Kelly. And today we're talking about what is missing from your birth plan. Where did it go? You who. How can I find that? Oh, you're in the right place. Lady is. But before we jump in Kelly, I'm going to put you on the spot here. Yup. As we do on this show. My heart rate is increasing. Oh, I'm so glad. That's right where I want you. Okay. Tell me right now, because it's up. All of the. Tabs on your browser. What do you actually have open right now? Okay. So I have about, I don't know, maybe eight. And two of them have to do with our membership, which we'll chat to you about later. And the rest of them pretty much are all about Connecting. Trying to automate our Instagram so that I don't have to individually message every single person who comments on something. I background on that. I made the mistake. Of thinking that maybe a real that I made wouldn't do as well as it did. And I said, comment like this word, if you want a link to this thing, And the last time I did that, like 20 people responded, but this time, like 300 respondents, so I didn't have anything automated. And so I just had to go through and be true to my word. And click on everybody's profile. Send them a message. So, anyway, that was my job today or my self-imposed job to fix that. So it doesn't happen again. But guess what? I spent more time trying to figure out how to automate it. Then it took me to send a message to all those people. I still don't have the answer. This is entrepreneurship in a nutshell. So anyway, that's the story of my browsers. Somebody messaged us on Instagram once, which if you are not following us there, you should jump over. It is shenanigan central. Most of the time. Recently our personal entertainment is coming from. We don't know where these people come from. Exactly. So if you're a listener and you want to be very with us and provide some sanity in some of that, please, that would be really great. But somehow we are capturing some followers, some commenters that are just above and beyond. An unsavory. It's a good word. And so it's a funny thing because, you know, we, we work on sharing information there and growing the reach and wanting more and more of this type of education to get to women in that space. And it's a really easy place to consume information. So it's really easy place to go share information. But the larger our account grows, the, the ratio for shenanigans increases and it's a point of entry. It's a point of entertainment. If you D if it doesn't make you cry. Or want to burn the internet? You can choose to be entertained by it. And a hundred percent of the time, no matter, no matter what we post about. We have discovered. And I mean, I guess this is just true of anything, but we've discovered that there's a controversy controversy about pretty much anything to the point that we will get messages that are from different people about different things and vert, Baden. They all start with. Have you heard about the controversy with. XYZ you fill in the blank and everything we possibly could. Share on has some kind of controversy, which on one hand is like, yeah, we live in a controversial world. There's a lot of information out there. Much of it is conflicting. People also send us messages all the time that they're like, I see that you made this recommendation, but this account over here made the exact opposite and warned me not to do what you're saying. And I'm like, yeah, you know what, honey? You got to just flip a coin or I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, easily. I was actually chatting with another midwife on Instagram. Cause she was like, how do you find. Like, like, how did you build up your skill for understanding fibroid stuff or understanding whatever more? And I was like, well, a lot of it is like, I just, we just had to go out and personally pursue. But the thing is, depending on who you pursue, you may end up down a very different, you know, train. Rail, but understanding the different rails and really thinking about them and figuring out what's right for you. That's it's worth it. It's worth it to hear the conflicting stuff and sort it through. In your. Head. Yeah, absolutely. But anyway it's, it's been a source guys source, so please do come over there with us. I wish there was a secret way to share the stupid things. Yeah. Without those people finding out. Right. And you don't want to like shame. Them. I mean some accounts I followed do, and I'm like, oh, that's, that's something else. But just the ability to be like, oh, do you see these like 15 messages we got today that are all just, they're very different, but they're very similar. Yeah. Oh so far Kelly and I just share in between, see each other. Yes, it's enjoyable. Oh, my word. Okay. So, today I want to share a supplement highlight of chlorophyll. Which you guys should know is controversial in some way. Okay, can I put you on the spot? Yes. What movie is this from chlorophyll, more like Bowraville. Oh crud. Oh, it's so close. And it kind of does this with his hands. If you could see me, I'm doing. If I say his name. You might guess it, I can't Adam Sandler. Billy Madison. Good. Good. Good, good, good. Okay. Sorry. Yeah, no, all the only, the only lines I have re memorized from that. Movie is the shampoo and conditioner. I go on first. It's so great. And then he has a Swan and he's like, well, what are you looking at? Salon? Oh, that's a good one. That's such a good one. Okay. So this is very boring, chlorophyll, boring and controversial chlorophyll. I hope you use it. It's why we're leading off the episode with it. Okay, but this is a supplement that has many, many benefits, including detoxification, energy, production, digestion, help immunity, boosting hormone, regulating gut health, supporting blood sugar balancing. Just to name a few. That's good. And what we like to do is add it to water. Trace minerals make a high potency version, trace minerals, the company trace minerals. That is ionic, which means that includes a full spectrum of trace minerals to work as co-factors for best absorption for this stuff. And so this is something that I just keep out on my counter and at least once a day, I throw a dropper full into one of my tumblers or glasses so that I can get it in. One serving of chlorophyll has the same amount of chlorophyll is two cups of spinach. And of course does not replace all the great things of eating real, fresh vegetables, but just to give a perspective on. What a great way it is to supplement some of those really good phytonutrients it's it tastes somewhat earthy. But it's not overwhelming whatsoever. And like, to the point that my kids. Don't complain about it when they drink it. But it's one of our favorites because it's just fun to put it in water and watch. Watch it turn the water green. It's so pigmented. Yeah. There's something about it. Just it's I'm like, I should, it's just like artwork that's happening. It's like watercolor or something. That's like, it's like a squid. Squirting ink as it swims way in the deep ocean. And you're just left with the Of the Inc. So drink that less poisonous or whatever. What is, what is squid ink? Is it bad for you? I don't know. Okay. We're just going to stick to the information that we do know is true, and we're not going to get into Marine biology today, but if you do now, Let us know. I have a feeling it's not, and it's just like to blind there. I can't eat. Yeah, probably, you know, like when you're playing Mario kart and you get the ghost who like. Puts it, whatever ink in your face. Yeah. Probably also a neurotoxin or something. Yeah. Okay. So, Kelly, from your experience, how often does birth not go according to plan? I mean, In some way, shape or form, even like the sweetest birth that is just. As beautiful as could be. Probably is not according to that person's plan, I would say every single birth. Yes. I mean, you have, you have this. No matter what birth will surprise you in good and hard ways. But almost always there's something there that you're like, oh, Didn't expect that one. Even if, again, even if it's like the most straightforward births. Usually or have stuff that happens within them that are not according to what that person planned for. Okay. So we have to keep an open mind as we even discuss birth plans themselves. But if birth does not normally go according to plan, what is the point of making a plan? Well, I feel like the, I feel like the most benefit that somebody gets from making a birth plan is the actual making of it because that forces them. Two or encourages them. Their desires. To actually go and research stuff. To research all the options. All of a sudden your brain is open to these different things of like, what actually do I need to research? What should I be looking for? Oh, I saw on somebody else's birth plan. This. Idea that I had never even heard of, or this intervention that they didn't want, that I didn't know was a thing. Right. And so it helps you research and understand birth a little bit more. And then also gives you space to communicate well. When you're in your right mind, right near. Like in this space of here's what my ideal would look like. It's a, it's a piece of solid communication. Yeah, absolutely. So I would say it's a tool for communication and research. It forces you or invites you to do the research that is needed, that you're going to have to make decisions in your future birth. It is. Ah, it is. Non-negotiable you were going to have to make choices. In nobody is able to make really big or important or lengthy or multiple. Important decisions when they are laboring, it is just not possible for your brain to do that and have a baby. So the idea of forming a birth plan is to actually plan ahead and get informed on some of the things that are going to be offered that you're going to interact with. In your birth and then be able to think about it, thoughtfully, communicate with the people who are going to be with you on that day, and it should help you to feel really prepared. Yeah, absolutely. And so while it's not like, It's not saying this is exactly how things are going to go. It gives you space to be thinking about some specifics that you may want or may think that you need, or you know, what your preferences are as you. Labor. And most of the time, For women that we have seen who have created a birth plan. It's oftentimes the first time that they've thought about a lot of these things or heard about a lot of these things. And so that's, that's an encouraging. Thing for sure. Yeah, because we just don't talk about birth. As a regular normal event in our lives. So growing up, we don't have exposure to a lot of these topics and ideas and we haven't formed opinions or thoughts about them. Until we're actually pregnant and maybe not even in the beginning of pregnancy, it might be at the end of pregnancy that. A woman is starting to think for the first time about some of the things that she might interact with in her birth space. So it can be used even as a tool for somebody who's not even pregnant yet, just to gain perspective on what some of those. Options and choices are going to be, yeah, I think because so many births take place out of the hospital or out of the home, we don't, we don't grow up getting to see a lot of birth. Right. And so you don't really know what happens or what the options are and somebody goes and has their baby. Somewhere where you don't see anything that happens. And maybe they share pieces of their story, but you there's a different kind of You know, cloud over that, that we don't always get to like peek behind the curtain of birth. Because the vast majority of women are having their babies in the hospital. And so that's part of the. The downside, I believe culturally. Of bringing so many normal, low risk women into a hospital, high risk setting. Is that. We are in this place where, I mean, that was me when I was pregnant with my first, I was like, home. What are, what is this all? This is me. And why do I have so many choices? Can't you just leave me alone? Like, I don't understand what you're trying to do. And so that's unfortunate. Yeah. And a birth plan is not going to guarantee that the things you want are going to happen. And I think that's a huge misconception. For women who are going into it for the first time and actually a huge part of my story and how I even ended up. On the path to supporting women was because I didn't have a doula whose primary role in my birth would have been to help my birth plan actually be eventual alive. Because I said all these things on my birth plan, I communicate, I ran it past my doctor. I communicated it to the people who were supporting me. I even gave it to the staff. And an and as the staff changed, there was more discussion about it, et cetera. Right. I did all the things that I was supposed to, that I thought I was supposed to do with my birth plan. But in the end. It only took one conversation with the doctor to say, well, yeah, I know you've wanted this, but this is actually, what's going to be better for you and me and the place where I was, I was just like, okay. Yes, break my water, start Pitocin and give me an epidural. I love that plan. That's exactly what I wanted. This is great. Don't look at my paper anymore because we are off. We are off the paper. The paper is no longer helping us. Yes. And so you want to create your birth plan with the concept of how are those items going to be best advocated for depending on your environment and care provider in the type of birth you want, et cetera. Yeah. And most of the things that end up on a birth plan. R. I want this. I don't want this. Yes to this. No, to this, ask me before this. Right. It's lots of like, It's just lots of statements of like yes or no. Kind of things, right? Yeah. It's not complicated. No, no. No. Okay. So don't. The mystery. What is missing from a birth plan? I mean, I think it goes back to what I. Like what we were just talking about. It's it's not complicated, but it really, the birth plan itself is a lot of just general information. And I think that there's, if we take a step back. Why do you want those things? Right? What is your heart behind the type of labor and birth you would like? So I think a general birth, what we like to call a birth vision for the event. I think that's, what's missing. I think a huge part of birth plans end up being, this is like, These are the interventions I don't want versus. Here's like. Here's what I desire from my heart. Here's how I want to feel and what I want to see, you know, all of the, all of the senses and the, and just the general vision, I think, for what you want. Yeah. I mean, like, How do you want to be spoken to. What are the specific ways that you want to be supported? How do you want to be made to feel what will you experience? What would your baby's experience be? Right. Like the vision aspect of your plan is what should inform your actual birth plan, document your vision comes first. What, what is that birth gonna look and feel like? And. What is the story going to be? If you have any control over it, what story are you writing for this specific event? And then put that into some more action plans. Yeah, I think birth plans are very con like concrete things. And what we're suggesting is even before making that is, there's a lot of things that are not concrete about birth. I'd say the vast majority of it really, when you get down to foundation is not. And so it's worth it to take a moment, a step back to think about those questions of. Experience and emotions and. Yeah, like how you want, how you want your experience, how you want to feel. And I really think it really blows people's mind when you start asking them, like, what would you like your baby's experience to be ideally, how would you like them? You know, their transition into the world to look and all of that. And it really makes you step back to be like, it's not really about intervention or not. Right. It's like that's needed or not. It's really about that vision aspect of how to encourage. Empathy and connection and safety and vulnerability in that space. Do you remember one of the very first clients that we worked with together? Who said. When we asked her what she wanted her birth to be like she said, I want to feel strong. Do you know who I'm talking about? A hundred percent. Okay. So what did, as an example to our listeners, What is, how did we help her craft that vision of feeling strong? Well, giving her space to expand upon. What strong means to her. Cause that can mean a lot of different things. And expand upon. W what in previous experiences? Made her not feel that way. Right. So even just like defining terms. I was a really helpful, vulnerable thing for her to do. And for us to listen to, because then we get to hear. Oh, that's. That's what makes you feel strong in this? That's what makes that's what made you feel? Weak and scared and all of that in, in that experience even though you were not weak, right? You were made to feel that way. Yeah, and it just informed us as her care providers in order to look for ways to encourage that and emphasize that and affirm it when we saw it and to speak with her in a way that was going to. Really highlight the ways that she was strong. And what she was doing that was just kind of like reinforcing that idea. Yeah. And that went through her out. You know, That was one of the first things she said to us, even. So that went throughout her pregnancy, but in her birth and into, you know, into her postpartum as well. But the ability to, to witness that and then to. Call it, when we see it. And support her in that was. Like it gives me goosebumps. It was really sweet. So sweet. I love remembering that too. So, so many women feel like they do not deserve to think this way about their birth. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of women are like kind of you like a good. Relatively positive birth experiences like, well, that was lucky, right? Or. Like, I guess we'll just kind of see what happens, right. I guess we'll just kind of wing. It will. Birth is unknown. So I might as well just keep everything with an open Palm and not think too hard about it because I don't want to get my. Expectations let down or something like that, too. Which I understand wanting to do that, especially if you've had an experience before where you realize this was completely out of my control and. I need to not walk through the disappointment again, however, There's a responsibility in participating in your birth and making choices for that. And so you can't, you can not actually be completely hands off and participate in it. Yeah. And even just taking the step back to that vision idea, I think all of a sudden, when you ask that question, women often times start to make different decisions about some very foundational pieces. Right. Oh, actually, I don't want to be with that particular doctor. Actually, I do want to do that actually. I want a birth at a birth right there. They're making different decisions and all of a sudden, starting to think differently about their, about their birth. They're allowing themselves. To open themselves up to, you know, potentially feeling disappointed, but looking back and saying. I did everything I could with the information I had and like the hope that I had in order to help me. Aspire to. Feeling this way. Right? And so we can be disappointed by the experience, but when we take a step back and do this type of vision casting, I think it does encourage women to potentially make some different decisions. A grade. Okay. So this is kind of a loaded question that we could spend a long time unpacking. But there are so many women who are breathing with providers or inside of environments. Where these items are not respected and there can be this cultural stigma of like, oh, a birth plan. Yeah. Oh, good for you. Yeah, I'll read that. Okay, go ahead and give it to me. Oh, you went all those things. Okay, great. Well, let's just see how it goes. I mean, yes. As long as everything's going fine, you can technically have all of these requests, but. Yeah. I mean, there's been things that have gone viral of nurses at. You know, at like the nurse's station or something like laughing and joking about women who have come in with birth plans or like, you know, if it's more than one page, they're like, oh, you're going straight first this area. And probably right. Like. Jokes that are just they're. So, flippant with this woman's true desire of her heart that she's trying to communicate. And it's not because births like that, aren't possible. It's just because the The policies and, you know, just a whole complex of birth within the system is simply. Not encouraging of the physiological experience of birth. So a lot of times, yes, it is an uphill battle. With those things. Yeah. And I think you have to recognize too that like, If you want a completely natural birth and you want things to be hands off and you want to avoid medications and you want to labor. Without time limits and you want to feel comfortable and you want to be left alone and you want these items that are all so natural and intuitive to a physiological experience. That you're going into an environment and you're working with a care provider. If you choose a hospital birth, that that is not the norm for what they see and do. So when they have women come in with these birth plans that are like, I want all these things, then the woman has to interact with an environment where everything is against her wishes, because that's just not what they do there. And then it reinforces even more when the staff sees that those plans are not being actualized, they don't think, oh, I wonder if we're ruining all these birth plans for people. They're thinking these women come in with these expectations and then they change their mind because their birth doesn't go perfectly and they end up needing the interventions. They said they didn't want isn't that ridiculous that all these women are saying, they want one thing, but then end up with a different type of scenario. And that is not the. That is not the truth of what is happening in that exchange there. And I think that's a really important thing that women understand. The limitations of certain environments and certain care providers as it comes to expressing your desires and having those actualized. Yeah. And it's, it's so unfortunate that the narrative turns into well, birth is just this way. Right? Birth is just highly interventive. But when you walk into a situation in which this, that best skill set is. High risk, high intervention. Right? When else do you go to a hospital when you're healthy? Oh, I don't really know. Yeah, you may go to a doctor or whatever, like for some checkups or something, but go entering into a hospital and becoming a patient at a hospital when you are healthy is usually not a common situation. And so bringing your healthy self and your healthy pregnancy and your healthy baby into A space that is designed to intervene in some way. It's it again, it's just an uphill battle. Yeah, totally. And to provide perspective. Which was interesting to me as I was realizing this in the beginning of midwifery, but. Typically on the whole, most homebirth clients do not create birth plans. Yeah, for the most part, like nobody's really writing down. I want this. I don't want this. It's. Most of the things that would end up on your hospital. Birth plan. Are already just. Part of at least the type of care we provide so important. Every midwife. You know, in practice. Can practice their own way. Good questions to ask, as you are deciding on your care provider. But. Yeah, giving the space, moving around as you would like eating, drinking as you would like to laboring and whatever the heck you want to wear or don't want to wear. Not having the time limits pushing however you want. Avoiding medications that you don't want or interventions, you don't want a delayed cord clamping and not just for 30 seconds or whatever, for hours, if you would like the golden hours basically of just you and your baby and us not messing with that, that's just. Our standard. So if you would like something different than that. Right. Tell me exactly where you want me to be. When I push, then we actually will probably talk about that and be like, why. Why, why do we need to, you know, intervene, like that's an intervention in and of itself, right? And so we have conversations about that. And so that's, what's, that's, what's cool about the kind of care that we provide is it's not it's collaborative. We know our clients well enough, there's anything that's out of, sort of the norm. We make notes about it so that we're like, yes, for sure. This is important to them and potentially different than something else that we would do for somebody else. Yeah. And what we do talk about with all of our clients is their birth vision. We do help them cultivate that. We do want to know how we can participate in making that as much of a reality as possible. But we typically ask our clients in lieu of this birth plan idea. The things that we want to know are like, do you want your midwives more in your space or do you want more privacy? Do you want us to catch the baby? Are you going to catch the baby? Is your partner going to catch the baby? Who's going to cut the cord. Do you have any special music or oils or playlists prepared? Who do you want to be in the room while you're actually giving birth? You know, et cetera. And so we have such an opportunity there to create the tangible pieces of a birth vision. Without having to. Essentially like fight and bargain for some of the things that physiological birth should just always have. Yeah. And again if you are listening to this and you're like, Hmm, I need to create, you know, my birth plan, but this actually sounds really intriguing this type of care. It is worth it to look into what your options are depending on what your birth vision is and what your desires for your labor are. But there are always options. And I think one of the best ways to sort through some of that. Is to actually create a birth, a vision yourself. And so we have created. A, of course we have. We're giving you something for free, but we have a birth vision worksheet for you that asks you questions, where you get to chat with your spouse. You get to think on yourself and kind of envision. Some of those pieces of how you want to be made to feel. How like both emotionally what's going on around you. Physically and physiologically and lean into that piece of preparation, which then will inform so many other decisions. That you have ahead of you. And so just an encouragement that freebie is in the show notes, but it's well worth the time to take a step back from. Buying the curated birth plan on at sea or following somebody else's birth plan that they've shared on Instagram or something it's taking the step back, not even thinking about those things and taking it back to the foundations of. Birth. Absolutely. And while you were talking just now, I remembered that we have a blog post about interviewing a midwife. So if you're in the space where you're like, I really want to look into that some more and want some more information on locating one, interviewing one, maybe hiring one, going through that process. I'll link that blog post. So you guys can take a look at it and get some tools together for exploring this. This way of care. Yeah. And so that is available for you, hopefully that is an encouragement and at least something that is stimulating some thoughts and some questions and potentially some conversations within your home of. Options and desires and things like that. That's what we would hope that you would take from this. That is our hope. And just to remind her ladies that the doors to our membership are open. Yeah. So excited. How do you know if this space is for you? If this membership space is for you? I will give you some clues. You want a greater knowledge of holistic remedies, but potentially you just don't know where to start, or you hear us talking about a lot of things on the podcast. And you're driving and furiously taking notes and going back to listen to things, but we have it all in one place inside the membership. Or potentially you want to bring some more natural tools into your home. And want to know what is safe and actually works. Or potentially you're frustrated with the high cost of one-on-one holistic health care and thinking maybe you want to be more natural, but you don't want to sacrifice a huge part of your budget for that. Maybe you're overwhelmed with the amount of online research that is needed to take the absolute simplest health concerns. Tried and true. Google will make a huge mess of that for you. And to be able to tackle those naturally without doing hours of. Ridiculous searching online. Or maybe you just want to treat basic basic health issues from home, but you don't have the tools and the confidence and you just want to get started. And you want someone to say, here's how you get started with that. Those would all be qualifiers for jumping into the membership and enjoying that space with us. Yeah. And one of the coolest things I think that we've seen over the last month is that last piece of like building confidence. Understanding the tools gathering the tools. And then all of a sudden the confidence comes. To be able to take on some of these things from home, not only for themselves as the women, but within their family. And just the joy that, that brings to them to be able to feel good within their own bodies, but then pour out into the people in their lives. It's pretty awesome. Absolutely. I mean, in confidence really is just like a cascade. You start small, you make little changes and you need people around. You rooting you on and shining the light on the path. And that's what we're all about. So we hope that you jump in and join us while the doors are open. It's$32 a month, which is a steal for the amount of information and interaction. And confidence building that you were going to get in there. And until then, We will see you guys next Monday for our next podcast episode. Aye.