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85 | Feeling Ignored by Your Husband? Finding Peace When He Won't Come to Church

• Paula Behrens | Christian Coach, Pastor, Certified Aroma Freedom Practitioner • Season 2

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The weight of walking your spiritual journey alone while married can feel crushing. That tension between Sunday morning preparations—gathering kids, grabbing Bibles, rushing out the door—while your husband remains disinterested cuts deep into your heart. Those silent questions emerge: Why doesn't he care? Is something broken in our marriage? In me?

This episode speaks directly to women who love Jesus with their whole hearts but feel spiritually isolated within their marriage. We tackle fundamental truths that need to sink into your soul. Practical strategies fill this episode: developing personal sacred rhythms like early morning devotions, displaying scripture throughout your home, transforming routine activities into worship opportunities, and guiding your children in faith without disparaging their father. Most liberating is releasing the "savior complex"—understanding that while you can pray faithfully, only the Holy Spirit can change your husband's heart.

If you're navigating this challenging terrain, I'd love to support you through an Aroma of Christ coaching session. Together we'll establish spiritual practices that bring peace and clarity into your life, regardless of your spouse's faith involvement. Visit paulabehrens.com/coaching to reserve your spot and remember—your faithfulness matters, you're planting seeds that God is watering, and you're never truly alone on this journey.

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Paula Behrens:

Have you ever felt like the one left behind when Sunday morning rolls around? You're gathering the kids, getting them ready, trying to get out the door, Bible in hand, maybe you're still sipping coffee from your travel mug and your husband? He's sitting on the couch, watching TV, mowing the lawn, or maybe sleeping in, and your heart sinks. You wonder why doesn't he care? Why won't he come with us? Is it me? Is it God? Is something broken? Sister, I see you and, more importantly, God sees you.

Paula Behrens:

Today's episode is for the woman who loves Jesus with all her heart but feels spiritually alone in her marriage. It's for the one who wants to raise her kids in the faith but feels unsupported. It's for the wife whose prayer journal is tear-stained with hopes for unity that hasn't come yet. All that in a few minutes. But first funny story.

Paula Behrens:

When I first began my seminary work while serving two church congregations full-time, everyone assumed I had my daily devotional time perfectly organized. But, truth be told, there were mornings I could barely find five minutes to catch my breath, let alone dive into deep reflection. One day, as I rushed out the door with mismatched shoes, I realized that even in my chaos there was a lesson. Embracing God's grace and self-forgiveness, I realized that true success in my devotional life requires prioritizing my spiritual practices.

Paula Behrens:

Are you finding it challenging to maintain your spiritual practices or yearning for a more peaceful, God-aligned day? I'm Paula and I've been there too. Balancing spiritual habits with a busy life can be difficult. I longed for a deeper connection with God, but struggled with consistency. Then I found the perfect approach. If you seek simple ways to deepen your connection with God, this podcast is for you.

Paula Behrens:

Hey friend, I want to personally invite you to the Aroma of Christ Coaching Hour. This isn't just another Bible study or spiritual to-do list. It's a deeply intentional one-on-one session where you'll create a devotional routine that fits your life and reignites your love for time with God, all while using your senses. We'll partner together to design a peaceful, Christ-centered routine that helps you breathe again spiritually and emotionally. You'll walk away with clarity, focus and a renewed connection to the Holy Spirit. Go right now to paulabehrens. com/ coaching. That's Paula Behrens B-E-H-R-E-N-S . com/ coaching (no spaces) and book your session. It's time to stop trying to figure it all out on your own and start connecting with God in a way that finally feels like rest. All right, it's time. Grab your Bible, dust off your journal and cozy up to your favorite beverage and let's dive in.

Paula Behrens:

Welcome to Living on Purpose in Christ, the podcast for Christian women longing to nurture a consistent, spirit-led devotional rhythm in their busy day. I'm your host, Paula, ordained pastor, Christian coach, grandmother of six and the creator of the Aroma of Christ Coaching Hour. I'm here to journey with you through life's challenges, guided by grace, faith and the gentle support of the natural aromas God has gifted to us through what we know of today as essential oils. So take a deep breath and let's talk.

Paula Behrens:

Let's talk about what to do when your spouse doesn't attend church. Let me say this right now, before we get started: You are not a failure because your husband doesn't go to church. Let that truth sink in. As a pastor, I've seen it often that we, as women, try to take on spiritual responsibility for everyone in the home. And when our spouse the one whose heart is connected to ours doesn't engage with faith in God like we do, we assume that it's our fault, that we must be doing something wrong. But listen, faith isn't contagious by osmosis, it's personal. The Holy Spirit draws hearts in his timing, while our job is to trust, not to control.

Paula Behrens:

Romans, chapter 15, verse 13, says: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him. Which tells us that we don't have to carry the burden of being spiritual enough for everyone in the family. That's not ours to hold. My job and your job is to stay rooted in our own walk with Christ, to live it authentically and joyfully and to trust the rest to God. I know that's easy to say, but maybe not so easy to do, especially when you are feeling ignored or dismissed. Maybe your husband doesn't just skip church. Maybe he rolls his eyes when you talk about your faith. Maybe he shuts down conversations about spiritual things, refuses to pray with you or avoids anything that sounds remotely churchy or Bible-based. That hurts and it can feel like rejection. But hear this your identity is not tied to your husband's support, participation or approval. Your worth is found in Christ. You were made for intimacy with God and that relationship doesn't require your husband's permission or even his presence to flourish.

Paula Behrens:

Psalm, chapter 34, verse 18, says: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God is close to you when you feel unseen. He's there for you, listening to you when your spouse seems uninterested. You are never alone in your faith walk, not when the Spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit, lives in you. As followers of Jesus, we are blessed with the fruit of the Spirit, which guides and uplifts us, enabling us to approach worship with purity. I know this is a tender one, but I want to speak to it with love and truth.

Paula Behrens:

It's easy when we're hurting to make church attendance into a scoreboard, to sigh loudly as you gather the kids, to make subtle comments like well, I guess I'll go to church again by myself, to compare your husband to other godly husbands, to throw around phrases like, you should be the spiritual leader. But here's the thing it's very unlikely that guilt will bring transformation and may even push him further away. It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, not ours. We simply plant the seeds and trust that God will bring the growth. Our role is to live the gospel the best we can and to not use scripture as a tool of shame.

Paula Behrens:

Instead of focusing on what your husband is not doing, ask God to help you reflect Christian love in all that you say and do. Smile when you leave for Sunday worship. Be consistent. Speak life over your marriage. Let the peace that flows from your heart become the sermon.

Paula Behrens:

First Peter, chapter 3, verses 1 through 2, encourages wives in this very situation, saying: Wives, accept the authority of your husbands so that, even if some of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. This verse speaks to the transformative power of a wife's conduct, suggesting that her way of life can be a compelling witness to her husband, especially if he's not yet a believer. The idea is that your husband, by observing your faith in action, your kindness, your patience, your peace, might be drawn to the source of your strength, which is Christ. However, it's imperative to understand that this passage does not condone or suggest remaining in a situation where you are subjected to habitual abuse. Scripture elsewhere clearly opposes abuse, such as Ephesians, chapter 5, 25 through 29, which speaks of husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church, which is a nurturing, protective love. If you find yourself in an abusive situation, please know that it's important to seek support and safety. Also, know that the purity and reverence mentioned in 1 Peter could also manifest as extending that integrity, grace and respect to yourself by courageously seeking help and setting necessary boundaries for your protection. In your journey of faith the aim is to reflect Christ's love in a way that might influence your husband in a positive way, but never at the cost of your well-being.

Paula Behrens:

Moving on. Your spiritual routine, including time with God's word and in prayer well, it can be a source of strength and guidance as you navigate these challenges. Let's talk practical. You need time with God, not just to survive but to thrive. Just because your husband isn't leading family devotions or praying over dinner, that doesn't mean that your spiritual growth or that of your children has to stall. You can grow with or without your unbelieving husband's approval. I know your heart is aching for his support, but sometimes things just don't happen on our time schedule as we would like.

Paula Behrens:

Here are some practical steps you can take to navigate those challenging and possibly lonely days. Focus on developing sacred rhythms that will nurture your soul, like early morning journaling. Even five minutes before the house wakes up can become your holy ground, and you might consider using essential oils like Young Living, Sacred Mountain or Frankincense to help anchor your quiet time. A few drops diffusing while you open your Bible can center your heart and bring a calming peace. Also, maybe you want to put scripture cards in your kitchen because, yes, God meets you between the laundry and the lunchboxes. And, of course, worship music while you're driving. Turn those school drop-offs into praise sessions.

Paula Behrens:

This journey isn't about achieving perfection. Being intentional even when it feels imperfect is far more rewarding than trying to navigate life without your Heavenly Father's support. Okay, so how do you guide your children in faith when dad isn't on board? I know I understand, you may feel like you're the only spiritual influence in your home and that's a big responsibility, but it's not impossible. Here are some things you can do.

Paula Behrens:

First, model faith, don't just teach it. Let your kiddos see you reading scripture, let them see you praying or worshiping, and they'll catch what you live. Also, make Jesus a part of everyday conversations. Say things like look how beautiful God made the sky today, or let's thank Jesus for this yummy dinner. You can also create rhythms for bedtime, scripture stories, songs or a simple prayer. These seeds will grow. And don't speak negatively about your husband's lack of faith. Honor him. They will form their understanding of God in part, from how they see you respect their father, even in disagreement. And remember this. You are not discipling your children alone, because the Holy Spirit is your partner.

Paula Behrens:

Okay, the next thing I want to talk about is this Savior complex. This might be the most freeing truth you'll ever hear and that is: You are not your husband's Savior, you are his wife, his helper, his encourager. But only the Holy Spirit can change hearts. Stop trying to fix him spiritually. Instead, intercede, invite the Spirit in and surrender to God. Pray scripture over him. Try this. Say, Lord I lift up my husband to you. I pray that the eyes of his heart may be enlightened so that he may know the hope to which you have called him. Draw him to you, Lord, not because I want him to change for me, but because I long to see him live in the fullness of your love. You know God hears prayers like that. They matter and they are never wasted.

Paula Behrens:

Even so, this season can feel isolating. You go to women's Bible studies and everyone's talking about couples devotionals, or what my husband said in his quiet time, and you're thinking I can't even get my husband to come to church. So find a faith community that gets it. Even one other woman who understands can make all the difference in the world. Join a Bible study, attend that church event, connect with other women in the same stage of life, and if you're longing for a space to be heard and held without judgment, I'd like to invite you to book a session with me inside the Aroma of Christ Coaching Hour.

Paula Behrens:

This one-on-one time is designed just for women like you, women navigating complex marriages, faith challenges and daily overwhelm. Together, we'll explore spiritual tools, essential oils and rhythms that will bring clarity and peace into your life. You don't have to walk this alone. Let me close with this. Your story isn't over. God is not finished. Whether your husband comes to church next Sunday, or not for 10 more years, your faithfulness still matters. And guess what? You are planting seeds, seeds your children will one day thank you for, seeds that your husband may one day notice, seeds that God is already watering. Galatians, chapter 6, verse 9, says let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. So keep showing up, keep praying, keep worshiping and keep trusting that your obedience is never in vain.

Paula Behrens:

Okay, if today's episode spoke to your heart, don't let the conversation end here. I'd love to sit with you in an Aroma of Christ coaching hour. In our time together, I'll listen deeply, we'll talk through your unique situation and I'll guide you in establishing a daily rhythm with God, rooted in scripture, prayer and the beautiful aroma of Young Living Essential Oils. I'll also gift you with a special Peace Reset designed to assist you in releasing emotional barriers, reducing stress and deeply embracing God's Peace. To reserve your session, go to paulabehrens. com/ coaching. That's Paula Behrens B-E-H-R-E-N-S . com/ coaching (no spaces).

Paula Behrens:

Remember you're not alone. You are deeply loved and your faith journey matters. So keep breathing, keep believing and keep becoming who God created you to be. Thank you for tuning in today and remember, just like setting biblical boundaries, it's okay to say no to things that don't serve you well, like that third piece of cake at the church potluck. If you were blessed by this episode, be sure to share it with a friend and leave a review so that we can reach even more women like you. Check the show notes for all the links. Join us next week as we continue to discover how to live on purpose in Christ. Until then, keep leaning into Him and walking in His wisdom. See you next time.