FINDING JOY THROUGH THE VEIL: Discussion with Janet Hewlett

 Sometimes life is overwhelming and exhausting. Trials that must be endured in our process of "becoming" more like our Heavenly Parents, can be daunting and debilitating. How do we find joy when it sometimes feels like the darkness is never ending? Janet Hewlett discusses her experience of raising a son that had debilitating mental health challenges. It was a never ending "night" for her for a very, long time. However, through angelic ministrations and temple work, she began to realize her mission and purpose, as she learned through revelatory experiences that her son, who is on the other side of the veil, is happily engaged in the work of the Gathering of Israel. As all of us fulfill our mission as Gatherers, we can find joy because we are aiding the Savior in His work.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello, friends. Welcome to the Thinning of the Vell podcast. I'm your host, Tia Smith, and I am joined today by my dear friend Janet. I'm grateful that she was willing to come on. She is a busy, busy woman. She is actually joining us from a hotel room. That's how busy she is, but she was so gracious to come on and kind of testify of some things. Uh really how I've got to know Janet. And I actually don't know. I think you reached out to me first on Instagram. I don't know how you even came across me, quote unquote. Um, but since then we've reached out, we've we have had similar experiences uh in our families, we've had serious experiences to a certain extent with our health. We've had very similar experiences in our love for the gospel of Jesus Christ, the gathering, and our testimonies that the veil can be thin. So we just kind of bonded pretty, pretty quickly, I would say. And she has been a very, very close friend ever since then. And we've actually been able to meet in person since then. And so that was lovely. It was great. It was a great interaction and just kind of getting to meet someone in person, I think makes a huge deal. Instead of for me, it's always over the internet or over Zoom. It was just a nice uh placement. So why don't you tell a little bit, our audience, a little bit about who you are and um how you kind of arrived in this space and place.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Well, I listened to one of your podcasts. I'm always very interested in uh experiences through the veil because I've had many myself. And it's kind of the world that I I live in, off that I often live in. And you spoke about um, you mentioned that you had been in a home where you brought troubled uh handicapped children into your home and and all of the things that you did with them to to help them. And having been a mother who had a handicapped son, and oh my goodness, all of the the pain and the struggles that I went through with him, and and eventually having to place him in a group home, which was one of the pivotal, uh, pivotal, pivotal moments in my life, all of the painful experiences, the light-filled experiences that that held me through that time. But knowing that you were out there and that you provided for these children that struggle so much and the families that struggle. Oh my gosh, my heart was like instantly like I wish I I had known you, I wish I'd had been able to send my Derek to your home. And so I had an instant love for you over that.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

It is um you it's this unique way to grow up. I cherished it. I felt it a sacred space and place to um my dad taught me very, very well to love unconditionally, no matter physical limitations or mental um limitations. And as a child, you grow up, and that's your norm, is to be around people who are struggling mentally. And we've talked a lot this week, some very, very heavy topics about depression and anxiety and and suicide. And I watched these dear parents, and not all were placed by parents, a lot of it was state, you know, placement. But when I saw these parents, they really didn't want to, but they had gotten to a place where it was just impossible to take care of their children anymore. And I was a young child myself, honestly. So at the time, learning um and seeing the pain of these parents and then getting to know these very, very dear, dear, dear sons and daughters of God, looking past the disability that they might have or the disease that they might have really taught me so many good things about how the Lord sees people. And I I have even to this day, I have a huge, huge love for um for people who have all kinds of different struggles mentally and physically. Yeah. Because it was something that it would just fill my life with joy. Honestly, it was difficult, but I'm just grateful that I that I grew up that way. So tell me then a little bit, because I think this will go into a little bit more in the podcast. Sorry. When we talk about your son, because um, like you alluded to, you have had many, many thinning of the bell experiences, but the one that we're going to focus on today is more about your son. So tell me a little bit about him and your situation and how that kind of came to be, because then we will go into how you dealt with that and are still dealing that with that very, very personal trial.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Yeah, it's you know, it's interesting that um, you know, we're being pretty open here about some very raw trials. You never expect, you know, as a mother, that you're going to be in a position where it is required that you place your child into the care of another. Um Derek was born with a cord around his neck, and that damaged his frontal lobes. It's caused schizophrenia. Then he developed uh threats, he was on spectrum. I and my heart goes out to mothers because there are so many children right now that are on the spectrum, and I know those challenges and and the heartache of having a child that doesn't quite fit in, and the challenges for the family. Um, I guess, and in my perspective right now, uh it's I want to give hope that there is perfectness in God's plan, that no matter what the difficulties are that each of us are facing, there are answers, and the hands from heaven come down when we need them. We just need to reach up and we need to look up and we need to believe because all things are possible to him who believes.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

It's very, very true. And I think part of that is going through very hard things that maybe force us to our knees and look for ways and means that we that God can influence our life when because most people always talk about miracles, but we don't we always forget that on the front end to have a miracle is to need one, which means we are in desperate straits, de desperate circumstances to need something, to have God move something in our lives. And certainly with children, I would say mother to mother, if it affects your child, that seems to be the most challenging child um trial that you could walk through. Right. You know, right.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

And and I guess we shouldn't be so surprised. We came here to become like our heavenly parents, to experience the joys, the experience, to have the wisdom they have. We to we want the understanding and the the attributes of Jesus Christ, that's not just gonna happen like by snapping your fingers. It's gonna require the the hard times, but the blessings always surpass, they always surpass the pain. So with Derek, um boy, you know, so I mentioned the you know the Tourette's that I didn't, yeah, also I had epilepsy, there were so many things. And um when you've got schizophrenia going on, uh poor impulse control, you've got a lot to deal with and it affects your entire family. Um it was heartbreaking because well, let me let me go to an experience. We we to kind of without going through all of the details that got us here, we got to a place where all of the ecclesiastical leaders, the psychologists, the you know, the school therapist, everyone said he's got to have 24-7 care. I remember at that time in my life, I felt like I had very little control over my life. And the only thing that I could do that I could create beauty and create have some kind of control was with my flowers, and so I would go out every morning and I would water my flowers, and one day I was I was giving my father a lecture, which I'm sure he kind of smiles at and is patient with, and but I was giving him every reason why a mother does not give up on her child, and knowing I knew, I knew full well I have the faith. I know he's he's heard he's heard my voice, and and he'll heal Derek. And when I was done with my lecture, the words came, I gave up my son too. And with as horrific as that scene, there was peace with that, and I knew that was what his plan was. And and so we did place him in a group home. Um, I remember after you know going and checking out many different group homes, and and just being just so horrified, not knowing like I've got this broken child, and I'm putting him into the hands of of who? You know, of like who knows what. Yeah, I I can't keep him safe, but the ultimate lesson was that God is the only one who can keep us safe. We don't have that kind of control anyway. And one day I I came home and was very distraught, and I opened my mailbox, and there was a package, and I opened it up, and and in this beautiful calligraphy from it was Truman Madsen's daughter, Emily, sent me this said, remember, it's just earth life, and the frame was broken, the glass was shattered. And at first I was like so sad because I'm you know this beautiful quote that that she had reminded me of earlier, and it was broken. I thought, no, this is perfect. I'm gonna glue it together, I'm keeping the glass broken. This is earth life, yeah, and and beauty still exists. That that thought, remember, this is just earth life. We wanted to come here. We were willing to go through anything to come here and to experience what we are now experiencing, and so um implicit in that thought is that we need to trust this process. We can trust this process if we're wise, we'll trust the process and we'll reach high so that God can can open himself to us and give us the answers that we need. So um there were many, many things that I learned during that time, but one of the big ones was trust. Um another one was that uh, yeah, think of a there's a painting that I have by James Christensen, and it's called An Angel with But One Wing, and it's an angel with but one wing. And uh the quote that went along with that was we are each of us angels with but one wing, but it is only by embracing each other that we fly. And so during those times of struggle, uh, I'm thinking of one experience that I had where an angel friend will have angels that are angels and bodies and angels without bodies that come to our aid. Yep, mortal and immortal. Mortal and immortal. We are surrounded by them. Uh one day I was I was I struggled with a lot of depression myself. And and so this one day was so dark. And one of the things that you need to know, everyone needs to know, and recognize, recognize when it when you have the first inklings of darkness and depression, that the adversary is present. Cast him out, bring in light, bring in music, bring in friends, do not crawl into that hole. I'll tell you about the hole I crawled into that it made it almost impossible for my father to reach me. I I was so depressed. I took the phone off the hook, I drew the blinds, I pulled the blinds down. Why would I do that? I mean that that's so adversarial. Yeah, I was in physical and emotional darkness. And and I'm pleading for Heavenly Father to help me, pleading for my grandmother to come. And yet I had blocked all means for that to happen. Almost, almost. Um, there was a knock at my door, and I thought, well, I'm not gonna answer the door. I've been crying, and my eyes looked like frog eyes, because they were so swollen. Here I am pleading for help and just saying, you know, blocking all means. And and then the knock came again, and I I went and I I answered the, I kind of looked out, I peeked out the the um little hole in the door, and I saw my friend Kathy, who was the only one I would have opened it for. And I opened up the door, and and as she was getting into her car, and I called her and she said, she came she came to my door, and um, and she said, um, oh she had she had turned around because no, I I've let me let me back up a little bit. I just I opened my door, she turned around and came back. I didn't call her. She said, we had an argument over this. I I did not call her name. She says, yes, you did. That's why I turned around and came back. I did not, someone else did. And she came, she took my children, she brought me dinner, she ministered to me. Um, I hope that all makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

Uh it's been a while since that happened, but but no, it's a mixture of clearly immortal and mortal angels working together to bring light into your life and rescuing you, really.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

And they had to, my gosh. Yeah, my gosh. So so I guess I just want to put it out there. If if things are dark in your life, don't don't go to the hole. Just sometimes you have to fight to lift yourself out of that, yeah. And doing everything that you know to do on your end. And the angels will come in one form or another. Just don't give up. They are the angels on the other side. Oh my gosh, they they plead in our behalf, they pray in our behalf, they try to reach us. I think of um uh a friend who she works in the Oakra Mountain Temple, and one of the members of the temple presidency had a near-death experience. And he you know, went to the other side and he's busily talking to all of his relatives that are so excited and ancestors, you know, so excited to see him. And and and then someone comes and said, It's not your time, you've got to go back. And immediately the conversation changed, and everyone had a message for him to bring back to their loved ones on earth. And and he says, Well, why don't you why don't you tell them? And because we try, we try. When you do believe and you do follow, the little tiny things that come through to you will lead to the bigger things.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

I think that's why it's so um, I mean, the chapters in Ether that talk about unbelief, it it wasn't necessarily again unbelief in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's our unbelief that God can get to us anyway, in any way, shape, or form. I think sometimes we read these, well, we relegate them to scory stories, but they're actually patterns of how to achieve one oneness with our Heavenly Father. And there are many, many times in the scriptures angels are sent, and it is because the the level of unbelief is sufficient for them to receive these ministerings from the other side of the veil. That doesn't mean just because you're not seeing them that it's not happening, right? It happens all the time, it's it all the time, yeah, exactly. And especially in these latter days to counteract Satan and his angels, uh there are legions, as um President Holland has indicated, legions of angels, chariots of angels coming to our defense at all times. It is work though to be able to understand, to have eyes to see, that those eyes of understanding to be opened and maybe hear and feeling, because we know that they can they can communicate in lots of different ways, and we can feel those experiences in many different senses and forms. But the first, the absolute first step above all, above all else, is to believe that they can happen. And really, that's what this channel is all about is testimony after testimony of different individuals who haven't, they don't know each other from all ages to all cultures, testifying of the evidence that God can send and does send angels at all times, and you can have the ability to interact with them if you understand the pattern. So, and that's the reason why you're on today, because you are one of those testifiers who can testify of that in real time from your own personal experience. So tell me a little bit then about um clearly when you have these kinds of challenges and trials, it does bring this extra heavy load to you, I think, as a mother. And you're so you're going through these up and down emotions, you're experiencing probably high levels of guilt at some time, sometimes for what you know you were prompted to do to help your son. Which seems so horrific. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So tell me a little bit about how you kind of walked through these challenges and just a few, a couple, because I know that you have had so many, a few that maybe stick out the most about uh how these helped you walk through this very, very challenging time. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Um think which ones which one I should share. Um Derek, um he, you know, being in the group home, the diet, of course, you know, in these homes was not not good, not good. And he was on all kinds of medications. Um at one point, and I was going through uh a pretty traumatic divorce at the time. Derek was hospitalized with uh he had toxic levels of lithium, depict, uh, he had sepsis, he had pancreatitis. And he was an ICU. He was not speaking. He was hooked up to every machine available. And he was on his way out. Um one of my angels at that time was my cousin. And who was over the HR department for the church, this magnificent, magnificent spiritual cousin that had the gift of prophecy and that that he was a healer. He was so amazing. He was one that got me through that time, period. But um I asked him to come and give Derek a blessing. And he laid his hands on his head. Derek instantly, like he was, he was gone. He was not speaking. He opens his eyes, he reaches out his hand and just said, now, what did you say your name was? And I was in such a state of shock because I was going through the divorce, going through so much, and um that it didn't dawn on me. Derek has just been healed. This priesthood blessing. So priesthood blessings are are powerful. What a gift. What a gift we have. And he was instantly uh instantly made whole. But the doctors didn't know what to do with him. They sent him to another floor in the hospital, and the next day they just sent him home. At that time in my life, God knows what our limitations are. He knows um everything he does is for us. He wants to teach us, he wants to tutor us. And and so these experiences are not just so we have pain, but they're so we have joy. But at this time, I couldn't have lost Derek because of everything I was going through in my divorce. I it it would have been too much. God knows our extremities, and so just trust that no matter what it is that you're going through, that um there is a plan, a very organized plan for in behalf of you to make you all that you ever wanted to be before you came to earth. I know that. And so Derek, six years later, uh was back in the hospital again. And the doctors, he had a quart of fluid on one of his lungs. The doctors tested that fluid and said, Oh, he's he's doing really well. He's gonna be going home tomorrow, the next day. And the spirit told me he's going home home. And I thought, no, no, no, no, no, no. The doctor said he's going home. I ran to the temple to thank Heavenly Father, and I felt nothing. And the next morning he passed, but I knew I'd been told, and it was time for Derek to go home. So there's perfect timing in all things. Um, of course, that was a very, very hard, uh, painful experience. Uh, but it was time for Derek to feel joy. It was time for he had a mission to go on, to go forward. Uh, one of the things that happened on the day of his funeral, I was driving by myself and to his funeral, and it was one of the worst storms of 213. And my car slid off the road, and I was embedded in a bank of ice. I the it's it I could not get out. I that car was not vudging. And so I just started talking to Derek. I just said, Derek, I am not gonna miss your funeral, and nobody knows where I'm at, and I need your help. And immediately the car just backed up and I was on my way. Um, so things like that. Uh uh as far as the healing from losing Derek, there was a time when I was at we have a family ranch, and we the Probo River runs through the ranch. We have family baptisms there in the summers. And one of my husband John's sisters was was speaking, and she was speaking of Joseph Smith, and all of a sudden, this was probably the most healing thing that happened. Um, I felt Derek there, and he just said, Mom, I'd met him, and he had a young woman with him, which to me, uh Derek had always talked about his wife and his children, and and being so handicapped, I it broke my heart because I thought he'll never marry. But here he was with a young woman that he loved, bringing her to his mom to meet his mom. And and that was it. I just knew that how joyfully happy he was. Um, I think I know, not I don't think, I know when we get to the other side, we're gonna be surprised when we find just who we associated with. We associated with the greats. And so when you're doubting yourself, there's not time for doubt. There is not time for doubt, not the times in which we live. There's only times to find out who you are, who you are in God's eyes. And he's just waiting. It's like Elder Maxwell said, that Heavenly Father is waiting to give us the secrets of the universe. We just need to ask and believe.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Yeah. I think sometimes too, I'm I'm glad that you brought that up. Um, the same sociality that exists here exists there, right? And there's relationships forming, there's uh things being taught. And I think sometimes maybe we don't have belief in or want to have belief that our ancestors or family members are coming because maybe we haven't had a very good experience with family. But what we need to remember is that all of the private prophets and apostles have prophesied about our day. They are now over on the other side of the veil. Do not think for a second that they aren't knowing who we are because we are called upon to finish the work that they started. Oh, so not only is our family aware of us, angelic ministrations, but also all of those heroes that we read in the Book of Mormon are also aware of us. They're aware of you, and therefore, by association, Satan is highly aware of you as well. He knows what you're capable of and what you're what you're called upon to do. So not only is it family members, we have to remember that, because sometimes family that is a painful scenario, and you don't want family to come see you. Well, then extend that out further and know that Joseph Smith and Brigham Young and Adam and Eve and all of our forefathers and foremothers on the other side of the veil are aware of us. It's not just the ones that we know, it's the ones that know us, but we may not know them. We won't remember. Exactly. We don't remember, but they are aware and they are involved because they are depending on us to move this work forward to finish what they were asked to start. So when I get down, sometimes I remember, I have to remember that because especially the work with this podcast, sometimes it can get overwhelming and it can be um, I don't know, it just pushes me to my limit all the time. But I have to remember who this is for. It's ultimately for the Savior Jesus Christ, and it's for helping all of those generations before me to complete the work that they started. Their path was not easy. And by, I mean, you think about all of the prophetic stories and experiences. Tell me one in the scriptures that was easy. Tell me one that didn't get pushed to their limit, one that didn't have depression and struggles. You think of Eve as a mother watching Cain kill that her other son. That had to have been a horrible experience. And yet she stood and still testified to her generations of the importance of the work. And we need to remember that as we're walking through all of these things. Who are those angels? Well, remember that it's not just the ones that you know, it's the ones that you don't know. There's power in that. So as Derek passed, and as the as you walked through those early times seemed to be the most difficult, it seems like the further away you get from it, the more you're able to process it.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Time, time feels. Time does feel. Yeah, definitely does.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Was there any other experiences, um, especially within have you noticed anything within the context of the gathering of Israel that he has come to teach you, or someone else has come to teach you from the other side about the importance of it?

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Yes, yes, yes. When this was very interesting when it uh I I since he was handicapped, I tried to get be able to do his work right away. I didn't want to wait the year, but the year mark came, and by then um uh I had married, remarried, and felt like Derek had been very involved in bringing John to my life. Um the the day came that we were to go to the temple in Redlands, and I woke up and you talk about the power of the adversary. I did not want to go. I don't know how he's able to exert that kind of power. That's why I'm saying that when you feel darkness, when you feel discouragement, know there's there's one source. And and get rid of him. John recognized immediately. He he came in, he gave me a blessing, he cleared them, cast them out, and and we went to the temple and it you know immediately lifted. But for me, for Derek's mom not to want to go, I I'm still kind of shocked that that would happen. I knew I would go, but how could I have those feelings, you know? Um anyway, so we we get to the temple and uh we're doing his endowment. Um so we go into the room, sit down, and just as the door closed, I felt four spirits enter. And I assumed that one was Derek, but I wasn't sure. And and so the endowment ceremony went on. And and right before uh we went through the veil, I felt someone at my side saying, You're not it wasn't like in a comforting there, there, don't worry about your son. It was like, stop, um, don't worry about him anymore. Like this is this is hampering Derek. Don't worry about him anymore. Very loving, and I knew it, I didn't know who it was. I I knew it wasn't the woman who that I was going through for, but I didn't recognize who it was. I went through the veil and I was in the celestial room, and when I saw John, I told him what happened. And John just uh kind of burst into tears, and he said he had never seen spirits before. He said, I saw my father, who was a mission president, my brother Lynn, who died at age 17, hit head on uh by a drunk driver. He saw his missionary companion that uh he had had, well, some uh very powerful experiences with the dark side and bringing him, you know, getting that that's for another time, but but a significant missionary companion in his life. And um he was there and he goes, and then I saw this young man with big brown eyes and a big smile. That was my Derek. And so we told the I told the temple matron, and she goes, Oh, she goes, you need to talk to the temple president, we record these experiences, and so I shared what had happened, and he said, Well, Derek has now been um given the priesthood, he's been endowed with power, and he's ready to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. So my Derek is now serving a mission on the other side, and that oh my gosh, I mean the comfort that that brings. I know what he's doing, I know he's joyful, I know he's serving our Savior Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

I think sometimes when we lose someone, we are so um involved in the gill in the in the the process of trying to overcome uh the sadness of it all. That process takes a long time, but if we can remember, because it's a process and it's a process you have to walk through, but something that has brought me comfort every single time that I've lost someone dear to me is that they are now involved in a work that first of all, they're free from their mortal challenges, and second of all, their ability to teach the gospel on the other side of the veil has got to be um so influential because they're not hampered by by mortalness, right? So I know that they are involved in a work, and it hit me one day. I was like, wait a second, if I want to be involved still with them, I need to be involved in the same work that they're doing. And that's why I say all the time, if you've lost a loved one, maybe your prayer could specifically be help me to find someone who your my loved one is involved teaching with or influencing so that you can work together. Uh it is it's a truly remarkable gift when you think about it. But I think sometimes that grief process just takes over and you know you can't see light in that very, very dark tunnel sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

So yeah, sometimes you just have to have the faith to know healing comes and trust that the Heavenly Father knows how to bring you exactly whatever that healing looks like for you, he knows how to bring that. Um there is you know something else that you brought up about loved ones, and you didn't know if um that maybe we hadn't felt as close as we wanted to with some of our own immediate family. And one of the things that I experienced when right after Derek passed, uh, I was doing grief work with a therapist who actually could have the gift of seeing spirits. And so she, you know, she told me, well, you know, Derek, you know, we we planned on this session ahead. And she said, Derek could come, you know, it's very possible that he could come. And so we're sitting there, and all of a sudden, you know, we started our session, and she goes, Janet, you've got to tell me who's here because they've got their hands on my shoulder. I just had shoulder surgery and it hurts. And I instantly knew, oh my gosh, it's my grandpa who um it caused some pain in our family. And it was not only my grandpa, but it was my grandma. It was my uncle uh Bob who died kind of as a result of alcoholism, but it was a result of some of the traumas that my grandfather had that were passed on to him. And my and Derek was there. So my grandpa, my grandma, my uncle, and Derek were all standing in this semicircle. My grandma's there going like this. There is not another unkind word to be spoken of about your grandpa because he has changed. And I went home that day. And and you need to tell your dad and your and your other uncle, I thought, oh my gosh, I I had just started feeling spirits, and this was so overwhelming. I thought they're gonna think I'm crazy. And but I I shared it because I'd been told to, and they accepted it very, very well. But but when I when I got home, I turned on my computer up open family search, picked pictures of my grandpa in World War One. He had PTSD that was never talked about, and it caused a lot of abuse because of the pain that he had, and you know, it's like wounded people hurt other people, and but he had changed, he had grown, he'd overcome that, he was out of this mortal body that carried this PTSD, and so I I'm just sharing that, and I and I felt a love for him, I felt a Christ-like love from the head of my foot to my tips of my toes for him that I had never felt in earth life. So know that growth goes on, just keep your hearts open to the possibility that those loved ones that have inflicted pain on you, that there is growth on the other side, and there is help, and those relationships can be healed. Um, you you talk too about um about the ancestors that help us, that those that have gone through some very difficult things. And one of the things that uh another I love Neil Maxwell, um, but one of the things that he shared was when we get to the other side, that those of us um that are living during these times before the saviors return to the earth and when the savior returns, that that those on the other side will stand on tiptoes to see you who are living now, that who are going through these things that we're going through in preparation for the savior's return. That wow, that's pretty powerful.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

I it is that's what I love about the plan of salvation is that it covers every weakness. It covers uh the time needed for each individual to come to Christ. It gives us the gifts and abilities and the priesthood power through his atoning sacrifice that allow us to come closer to him. And it is not an accident. This was all planned before who was to come at what time during the year. We are called upon to bring up the rear and to stand and hold that line that his work may be fulfilled until he comes again. And I know, you know, every circle that I'm in, we are all praying and hoping that that is sooner rather than later. But until then, he has given us the gifts, um, first of all, of angelic administrations, but also temples. And I'm wondering, has has going to the temple, being involved in family history work, has that been part of your healing process? Has that been important to us?

SPEAKER_01 42:36

That has been key. I'm so happy you brought that up. That has been key. When I was going through my divorce, um, I had to go at least once a week. Um, I that was the beginning of when I started to feel spirits and started to sense their personalities and their guidance and their love. That the the temples are portals, they are so filled with these wonderful, wonderful loved ones. Um one of the things that I experienced just recently, um a few months back, I was in the St. George Temple. I had you know gone through the veil, I'm sitting in the social room, and all of a sudden I was just aware that, oh my gosh, this room is just filled with loved ones that as I came through, as I came through the veil, uh it was filled with loved ones waiting to greet this ancestor whose work I had done. And there was so much joy and rejoicing, not only her, but but she was able now to, and I don't understand how it all works, but she was freed um to a different level of growth, now endowed with power, and being fully. With these loved ones. And so I sat there and just could feel the joy of this reunion. And I got up to leave, and I went to go down the staircase, and all of a sudden I just felt her just running, running after me. Yeah. So much for doing your work. So there is great power in freeing our loved ones on the other side. And then they're free to help us. So as we help them, they help us.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

We we just um uh what is this scripture about the if if uh is it in Malachi that if the if the we were to do this work that the earth would be utterly wasted at Christ's return. And I think that that's you know, from both sides of the veil, this is such an important work. We don't begin to comprehend what it means.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Yeah. And I think to a certain extent, we focus a lot on the blessings that those on the other side of the veil are receiving by us going to the temple, but I think we too soon forget that it is also uh an impact on our own personal lives and our own personal selves.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

They go home with us. We take them home.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

Yeah, yeah. Well, and we are given light, we are being infused with light. And and and I think sometimes when you're dealing with depression and you're dealing with uh anxiety and uncertainty, you're in a dark place. That is a that is a common description of everyone. I know that's that is the term that I would that I use when I'm in those spaces, that it's just dark. Temples are literally the compensatory blessing for us to have to deal and live in the latter days where it's so dark to go to these actual places of light. Of light. Yes, and when you go there, you not every single time are you going to have an experience, and not every single time are you going to feel uh light, but just by you being in the temple, you you're getting light on you in some way, shape, or form. And the more times you go, the more you're filled with light. Right. And so it's this beautiful working of miracles on both sides of the bell, both for us and for them, having this out of the because of the grace of the savior, all of us are being filled with light and protection from the very dark one that we all seem to be too many of us, but I think it's just a sign of the times that are experiencing that darkness for sure. Um, what have you learned about the savior Jesus Christ as you've walked through these very, very dark, challenging times? How has it helped your testimony um uh hold on and no one understand him?

SPEAKER_01 47:04

Um one time when I, you know, went through a lot of uh therapy to just help me sure help me make it through those very, very difficult times. And one time I I came out of the therapy happened to be at the church. A therapist would travel around and and anyway, I met with him and I dealt with some very, very, very difficult things from when I was just a little girl that had happened. And when I walked out of the office, I was just so depleted, and um, I just I had felt like I had nothing left in me. I I went to drive home, I couldn't drive, so I came back in, sat before your the church, looked up there was a picture of the savior, and my mind just went to why have you forsaken me? And he said, I have never forsaken you, I have been your tender tutor all along, and then I was filled with his love that day when I left. Every person that I saw on the streets with some of them had all of their belongings in a shopping cart. I was had that love of Christ. I knew what he felt about them. It didn't matter. And it doesn't matter. His life his love is totally, there's no condition. It doesn't matter if all your belongings are in a shopping cart, if you're if you're in a terribly, you know, if you're addicted to pornography, you're addicted to drugs, if you're whatever you're going through, his love is constant and it is powerful. I was shocked by the power of his love. I wanted to get out of my car and go up to the speedball. Do you know how much Jesus Christ loves you? And they would have thought I was kind of crazy, but but it it was so overwhelming, and so his love is constant. And you know, one of the things that with the depression that I experienced was it I've always been very spiritual in nature, and I've always been I always have felt very close to Heavenly Father and to the other side. Um, but when I was going through some of the darkest days, it was hard for weeks and weeks and weeks to feel the spirit. And and so I you know, I I think back on you know, being given I I struggled a lot with my physical health. Had a lot of autoimmune problems. My body when your body's not functioning, it is very difficult for your spirit to um, I mean, sometimes I mean that's when your spirit grows, but it makes it very, very difficult to function the way you want to. So one of the things I want to say is just be gentle with yourself if you're in this kind of situation. Yeah, be very gentle. And know that you're being taught. Um and know that even if you don't feel the Lord is still there, the angels are still there and they're surrounding you. I I remember times when I would be in bed sometimes, you know, six to eight weeks, just flat in bed, a couple times a year with chronic fatigue syndrome. And there was another James Christensen painting that I had, uh it's called Touching the Hymn of God, where this woman is reaching out, just reaching, reaching, reaching, trying to touch the Hymn of God. And I would look at that picture and I would think about my patriarchal blessing promising me a good, strong body that I would enjoy health and strength. And I thought, when? And it was 40 years later when I learned about the importance of vitamin D. Have your vitamin D levels checked, know where that's at. Um, I was taking massive amounts of vitamin D, but I couldn't get it. Uh, I couldn't get up beyond a 32. One of the things that we're involved in, that's a big part of my life right now, is we have a supplement company that we have it, we have a product that creates, it's called Cardiomiracle. It creates nitric oxide in the body. And what that does is it opens up the cell, it releases the the waste product of the cell, all of the wonderful ingredients can actually be absorbed. So my vitamin D, even though I had been taking massive amounts, I couldn't get above a 32. It went up to an 84.8. And if anyone who understands vitamin D, there's a strong correlation between depression and anxiety and low vitamin D. So check your vitamin D levels. No, find out where that's at. Um because my life has drastically changed off of all my medications that I was on for years. Uh I very rarely, yeah. Last week I had some depression, which I have not had for 12 years, which it was like it was a very good reminder of what that state feels like. But there is help out there. And and for me, this was a a it was life altering for me.

SPEAKER_00 52:52

Yeah. I think when we're talking about um mental health diseases and depression, anxiety, um, it's not a just a one-fix solution.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

No, no, many, many answers, many things.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

And there's so you've got the power of God involved in that. Go to the temple, but you also need to really start to understand what your body is going through, where it may be lacking. Uh get physically moving. Try to do everything in your power to, and and it's not like this, it's not the same fix for everyone. No, but it can be boiled down to a lot of different issues. And I along you know everyone knows that I've talked about health problems before. Um, and it's studying, okay, what does my body lack? What does it need? And yeah, go talk to your doctors, find out your levels, and really something that really, really helped me walking through this journey, and I'm not all the way through it. It's a continuous thing for me, is you can you can ask Heavenly Father, how do I help my body function more properly? Because, like you, when I'm not feeling good, I have a hard time feeling the spirit. It's just that's me. And I've noticed that that is similar with many others. So you have to take your physical health seriously, and you can't just expect that a pill will take it away, or I mean it's a wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't that just not the way that right? Well, and and it's proven, you know, there's people that that try to take a pill and just approach it from that one side, but it's also getting counseling and and it's recognizing, and like you said, being kind to yourself within those different phases. And sometimes the phases are longer, sometimes they're shorter, but it's trying to approach it with um knowing that your body was given to you by our Heavenly Father, that it is meant to carry us on to do the work that He's asked us to do. But we need to be kind to our body, we need to be aware of our health, and we need to integrate all of that within uh the work and also revelatory experiences that we can also be told, because I was told very specifically, take this, don't do that, go to this doctor, don't take that test, you know, and it kind of brought me to this point now. So I know that you can 100% receive revelation on how it helps you. And you've been so kind um to help me with, you know, seeing if your product helps me with my own health and it seems to be holding. And I am grateful for that. So I would encourage all my friends to go out there and get um, take that all-out approach of not only going to the temple and doing family history work, which for me that makes the biggest difference, but also start to understand your body and what your body needs. And you're right, go to the light, whether it's outside, whether it's in the temple, you know, whether it's vitamin D, whatever, whatever it is, use the spirit to understand that he will help you navigate through it. So I'm just grateful that you came on to testify because I know this is a tender subject for a lot of, and we've the last couple of weeks we've heard about mothers losing children. And that's not a really a club that you want to be uh in. But I think when you hear the testimony of other moms who have lost children, I know that your testimony has strengthened mine. We've talked about our different experiences with our children and their help that they've given us from the other side of the bell. And so it is kind of a sweet interaction when you have those experiences and they don't happen all the time. But uh, as a mother, you can continue on in those relationships even though they're on the other side of the bell. Don't put it off.

SPEAKER_01 57:05

A few weeks ago, I saw Derek in my dreams, and and he came up to me, he hugged me, and he said, Mom, I miss you as much as you miss me. So they so whether or not you feel your children or you feel the loved ones that you've lost, they do have the same longing to be with us. They they see us, they're with us, but they can't have that full-on communication that that you and I are having right now.

SPEAKER_02 57:36

They miss that.

SPEAKER_01 57:38

Yeah, and and so that that that was a wonderful, that was a wonderful moment. And and when you're going through the hard times, we're gonna face a lot of challenges, but but we came here. We came here for that. We left the heavenly realms with, we were given a blessing. We were given that's the order of things, but we were given every blessing, every promise that we needed for this earth life. And we I had an experience once where I saw, and this was in my mind's eye, but it was very clear, I saw spirits standing around the the foot of my bed, and they were holding papers. And I what what what are these papers? And at the time I was very concerned that um that I was really fulfilling my mission because I've always known we came here, we made promises before we came. And am I keeping those? And so when I asked the question, you know, what are those papers? They said, these are your covenants, these are the covenants that you make. So you just you just live the best life you can. You just do what you know to do. We are the ones who are responsible to open the doors for you to fulfill your covenants. So, in that process, just know that they do know these things on the other side. They do know how to move mountains in our behalf. It doesn't happen when we want, um, but it does happen. It happens at the perfect time, and in the process, I feel like it's so important that we feel joy.

SPEAKER_02 59:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:33

That I remember one day um when when I was in the thing, I had so many years of depression, like I said. But one day I walked out of my home, and the sight that I saw was something that I saw day in and day out, but I didn't see it until this day. But I looked up and there was this beautiful, leafy, lacy leafed tree, and the way the sunlight was filtering through the tree onto this beautiful pink Bogamvia that was cascading over the wall of by our front door. I I was just in awe. It took my breath away. So there is beauty like this that surrounds us. There are people that we love that will can bring us joy if we'll just connect. Ask Heavenly Father how you can find more joy. Man is that he might have joy, he wants us to have joy, and so ask him what it is that that you can do to see the joyful things that are meant to bring us happiness, yeah, and and he'll show you.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:50

Yeah, I think when I'm happiest is when I'm feeling the measure of my creation, that when I'm responding to the mission, and and in my patriarchal blessing, it says that I was blessed by him, so my father, to come here with a special mission, and then it doesn't tell me what it is, and I'm like leave that up to you to find that's a little rude, you know, and so I've been living my whole life trying to figure out what is that mission, and and I don't think it's one single mission. Um it unfolds, doesn't it? It unfolds as you go, but I when you keep focused on doing his work in his way and becoming like him, that mission unfolds. And as you start living to fulfilling that mission, that's when the joy comes in. Because it can be confusing. I know in the temple, I'm like, we're supposed to have joy. Well, that's so elusive to me. I can't like, how do you even? If I'm supposed to be having joy, then I'm clearly not living that part of the gospel sometimes. But I've noticed the pattern that as I'm fulfilling the mission, as it's coming to me more in full, and sometimes it gets overwhelming, um, that I'm finding joy because I know that I'm doing what I promised him I would do. And if it's bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man on either side of the veil, then I know that through the gathering of Israel, I'm accomplishing that work in so many different ways. So I'm just grateful that you would come on and remind me about focusing on the joy because these last two weeks, uh I don't know, maybe we're both going through some weird, it's just been a lot of weird going on. A lot, a lot the last two weeks. And it's been this constant fight between um, and maybe it's because we're talking about this, but I I I felt like we needed to have this deeper conversation because it's all fine and dandy to talk about miracles and thinning of the veil experiences, but we need to also approach these more difficult subjects and tackle them head on and voice them and say, look, all of us are going through this. There is a way through it though.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:07

So it's together.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:09

Yes, it's together.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:10

Do it together.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:11

Yeah. And as I've opened up to you and to some other people about the reality of things that I'm going through, it really helps because you're able to support and love one another. So I think Satan, when we're in that space and place, does not want us to reach out to others. He it's isolating, very isolated.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:31

Oh, it's take your phone back the day. Take your phone off the book.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And stay in the dark. So yeah. I don't know. Thank you though for joining me, Janet. I'm grateful. I know you're super busy. You've got so many things going on, but uh, I'm just grateful that you took time out of your day to come and join me. And I hope that we get together soon. There's awesome things going on, and I'm just I'm excited about what's happening, but I'm just grateful that you'd come on and testify of these things to give hope to other people. So, my friends, I hope that in some way, shape, or form, Janet's testimony has helped you and yours, and maybe you're going through it right this minute. Uh, know that you're not alone in it and that the savior is aware. And that part of coming out of that is really seeking to understand what your mission is, that you might feel the measure of your own creation that we've all been sent here to do in these very latter days with the help of angels from the other side of the veil. So I'm grateful for that. Join me next week. I'm so excited. I have my Maori friend coming on, testifying he's in New Zealand and testifying of his experiences and some of the symbolic similarities that they have with their culture, their very sacred culture to our temple worship. So exciting things are happening. Please join me. Uh, and plus he sounds really cool because he's from New Zealand. So why wouldn't you want to get on and listen to that? So join me next week because it's all about kind of that uh segment of Manasseh for a little while. So hope you have a great weekend and just thanks for joining me and supporting me in all the ways, my friends. So have a great weekend. We'll talk to you soon. Bye.