From Loneliness to Solitude: Finding Yourself When All Your Friends Are Gone

In your twenties, it’s easy to feel like you’ll always belong somewhere — a friend group, a workplace, a Saturday night ritual that feels like home. But what happens when those circles fade, and you suddenly find yourself everywhere in the city… yet belonging nowhere?

In this deeply personal episode, Jacob shares the story of poker nights and found-family friendships, the sudden loss of someone who helped anchor his world, and the quiet isolation of gig work that left him feeling like a ghost — unseen in restaurants full of laughter and connection.

And yet… that ghostly invisibility became the doorway to something unexpected: aloneness — not loneliness — but a deeper, more courageous way of being with yourself.

Through grief, silence, and a chance encounter with the teachings of Alan Watts and Ram Dass, Jacob uncovers what it means to lose borrowed belonging… and slowly rebuild connection from the inside out.

This isn’t a story about giving up — it’s a story about remembering who you are when no one is looking.

Topics:

• When community feels like home… until it doesn’t
• The slow erosion of belonging — and why it hurts so much
• How crisis can become a turning point toward a truer life
• The difference between loneliness and aloneness
• Practical ways to reconnect with yourself and others

If you’ve ever felt invisible in a room full of people — this one’s for you.

Transcript

Borrowed Belonging

Saturday Family

The Slow Fade

Alone in the Car

“Pat died.”

Ghost in the Restaurant

The Turn: Watts & Aloneness

Two practices

Jacob 0:01

It was weird. It was like this irony. I was busier than I'd ever been driving gig work, driving people around constantly. But I was never more alone in my life. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Standing Nowhere podcast. I am your host, Jacob Bueller. As usual, it is a pleasure to be back with you. This episode is going to talk about how important relationships and friendship is in life, and how important solitude and aloneness is as well. So this will be sort of a journey of belonging to the feeling of isolation and transforming isolation into aloneness where it creates a space within us to find that authentic connections, those authentic connections with others, which I'm still figuring out that part. But in order to do this, I want to go back in time. All the way back, this is about 18 years ago, a little over 18 years ago. I was about 24, and I was a brand new single dad. So we go back in time, 18 years. I was a new single dad after getting divorced. So I found myself as a single dad around 24 years old. My son was a couple months old, and I had been looking for a decent job for a while, and I found uh a pretty good job at a casino in Las Vegas. I would be working in the call center, taking phone calls for people who wanted to book their vacation. So I booked the rooms, the limousines, I booked the show tickets, the restaurant reservations, basically in reservations department. And I remember the first day that we were in orientation, there was a whole group of us, and there was one guy there. His name was Rick. And I want you to picture a guy slightly hefty. Uh he shaved, preferred to have a shaved head, and he wore a bow tie that day, which I thought was awesome. He dressed professionally, but he had, you know, suspenders and a bow tie. And I, if I recall, I believe he had one of those little Scottish golfer hats. It didn't have the puff ball on the top of it, but it was professional, but it was just more friendly and outgoing than most of us had decided to wear that day. And he himself was such a friendly and outgoing person. You know, he was going around the room, shaking hands with everyone, full of smiles, made everyone smile and laugh. And we became friends pretty quickly, Rick and I. And it wasn't too long after we had started there and gone through training that he invited me to uh poker night at his house. Poker night was on Saturday night, every night at Rick's. I think we started around 7:30. And immediately I felt included in this wonderful group of people. Um the first person that I met there was Pat, short for Patrick. I want you to picture a really big guy, uh, really big guy, with a bellowing laugh that just made you feel good. And he had a warm smile. And um, you know, everyone there just loved to have fun. There was uh a lot of other people that attended Poker Knight too. I won't go too much into the details or the weeds here on each one of them, but the poker night group was just this family that welcomed me in. And thinking back on it, I just can't help but smile. What a wonderful time in my life. Here I was, a new single dad with a new job, but immediately this guy Rick befriends me, brings me into his group, and right away we all clicked really well. I remember Pat on the first night, he was saying things like, I really like this guy, Jake, Rick. He found a good one here, you know, patting me on the back and stuff, making me feel welcome. And his house, Rick's house is where we we had poker night at. And uh his sister was living there at the time. Tiffany, she's a great, great girl. Uh she ended up marrying Pat uh later on. And those Saturday nights, I just it was great. You know, I was part of a family. I was dating at the time too, so I would occasionally bring my dates to meet the poker crew, quote unquote, you know, periodically, see if they gave me their approval or not. There were some dates that couldn't stand it, said they never wanted to go back because people we we like to play poker outside, and it would get a little cold sometimes. People there like to smoke cigarettes too, and you know, Pat he would tell me which ones he liked, which ones he didn't like. When he met my wife eventually, he I remember when she was like doing something else and distracted, he leaned over to me and whispered, You better not mess this one up. I remember he said, he said, if you break it off with her, you're done out of poker group and she's gonna stay. He just had he just knew that my uh my wife was the one when he met her. And, you know, that was my anchor Saturday nights with the guys, you know. And I had uh I had a lot of other groups that I belonged to as well, like my work family at Bally's. They did a great job making me feel welcome there. We had a lot of chess games. We would hide the chess game and the chessboard in the drawers in the call center, but it was like I had my work family, um, I had my poker night group and my regular friends and family as well. So even though I was a single dad, I didn't feel alone in raising my son. I was able to bring him out around a diverse community of people that really helped me out in um in his upbringing. I was I was so grateful for that. But looking back, you know, I'm 42 now, and I was around 24 at the time. So we're talking, this is almost half my life ago, and I realized that relationships are such an important pillar of health, your social life, for that warmth, you know, that safety, that belonging. I have a great nostalgia for it. I try not to get lost in the past and be present with what is, but right now it's a moment of reflection and contemplation on those good times. And I I want you guys to kind of take that away from this episode as we progress and reflect on your own relationships that you've had throughout your life and that you still have. Because here's the thing about belonging is you don't realize how much you need it until it's gone. You know, and for me, it didn't disappear all at once. It was like a slow fade. It's like watching a sunset kind of in reverse. Eventually for the poker night crew, our schedules they just didn't quite work out like they used to. And a lot of us weren't able to get together on Saturdays like we wanted to. So poker nights started to fade a little bit. Our schedules, they stopped lining up, you know, life was pulling people in uh different directions. That thing that had really saved me during those tough times was starting to slip away. It wasn't the end of the world, you know. I still had my friends, uh my work family, and my regular family. You know, I'll just briefly mention I I had um I had lost a friend from poker night suddenly, and it reminded me that nothing really lasts. You know, that there's a there's a guy, a good really good guy that used to attend our poker nights. His name was Chris, really cool guy, liked to wear leather jackets, rode a motorcycle. Um, and one day somebody pulled out in front of him and he was gone. And all of us at poker night were really saddened by that. But even poker night itself, I would learn, you know, wouldn't last. My job at uh the casino I was in with Rick, that didn't end, or that didn't last. It ended, and then I switched to another casino doing the same line of work, and that job also uh was pulled out from under me after three years of working at that job, and it was a very sad day. I mean, you go to work, you have your work family that you see and love every day for three years. I mean, if you like the people you work with at your job at least, and I did very much so. And at the snap of a finger, I was gone. So I lost my work family. And at that point, poker nights were a lot more few and far between. You know, they would rarely pop up, and God forbid our schedules lined up. It was so great to actually go to another poker night again, but having the inconsistency of poker nights and then losing my job. So after that, uh that's when I switched to uh driving gig work. And I I'm telling you all of this because as I mentioned at the start of this episode, these last two episodes of my first 20 are marking a shift away from my solo episodes. So I kind of wanted to fill in some more details about uh my life leading up to kind of where I started in the first episode of this podcast. So I started driving gig work after I lost that job with that casino. And suddenly I started to feel like I was stuck in a dark hole. I missed having my work family, I missed poker nights, I missed a lot of those hangouts. I still had my my regular friends, and I didn't at this point have to work too many hours. I think 30 to 35 hours a week of Uber and Lyft was all that was required to pay my bills. You know, my car was paid off, my rent was only about 1,200 bucks a month. But about a year into my driving at Rideshare or doing gig work, I got a text message from Rick. And Rick, he was just on the head about it. He didn't try to sugarcoat anything. He sent me a text message with two words that said Pat died. Pat died? I saw the text and I remember locking my phone and putting I was laying down on my bed talking to my wife at the time, and Rick sent me this text. Pat died. So I look at the text, and then I put the phone down on the bed, and it was like it was like I read the text, but I didn't register what he said. Pat died. And then it hit me like someone shot me in the chest or something with a shotgun. And I texted him back. I said, Are you serious? What do you mean Pat died? And he said, He died. He stopped breathing when he was sleeping last night. So I'd lost one of my best friends, somebody who was always there for me. I got so many good memories with him, and it was like I had never really lost a really close friend before. Chris, who had passed away, I mentioned earlier at poker night. We were good poker night buddies. We didn't really get that close, but Pat, he was he was like he was just somebody who was really, really there for me. Um at a time in my life where I really needed it, you know. I have so many memories of him, of just good memories of him, you know, making me laugh. His laugh, I could still hear it in my head. It was such a wonderful laugh. I remember one time when I had drank too much and I was keeled over the toilet at poker night, and he was just he'd come in and check on me every couple minutes and just pat me on the back, you know, you'll be all right, buddy, you know. Um, just hearing stories about my life and giving me support, you know, just that really good friend that you always need. And the first time I ever smoked pot actually was his, and I had no idea what I was in for, and I got really sick on the driveway. It was hilarious. So many good memories. And then this text message just Pat died. Oh, and this is where I want to talk about aloneness and loneliness and the difference between the two. You know, going from a call center environment to driving people around, there's a lot of time in between passenger pickups while you're doing Uber full time, where you are alone with your thoughts. And I started to feel really lonely. It started to feel really dark. But there's a difference between loneliness and aloneness or solitude. Solitude is a good thing, it's where you can contemplate things. And at this point, it it started to really hit me how much I valued my friends and how much I needed them. I'd have mornings where I'd cry thinking about Pat. This is like February of 2019. You know, later that year, the COVID lockdown kicked in. I I think it was actually almost a year later, but now to make matters worse, after he passed away, I was getting married later that year. Sad to know that he wouldn't make it to the wedding, of course. But I got married in May of 2019, a couple months after his death. Lyft and Uber would start to cut pay, and at the same time, cost of living would start to increase, starting with my car bill, which would then increase in rent, you know, all of that, yada yada yada. But after we got married, it was like a month or two after, another one of my really good friends, who I'll keep anonymous because we don't speak anymore, but he ghosted me completely with no explanation. I have ideas as to why, but it was like imagine having a friend who you hung out with all the time for ten years, suddenly does not speak to you anymore, doesn't reply to calls, doesn't reply to texts, nothing. Just gone. So this was a tough year for me in 2019. One of my best friends passes away, I get married, and one of my best men at the wedding, this guy cuts me off completely. And I'm racking my brain, like, what did I do? What did I do to upset this guy? For him to just never never talk to me and not tell me why. I must have really done something. You know, I I it deeply affected me at the time. It was very heart-wrenching to just lose one friend who dies, and then another really good friend, one of my best friends I've ever had in my life, just cuts me off. It was a tough year. And I remember waves of sadness would come upon me while I was driving. It was like my body was telling me something, you know. I remember one time I had just dropped this woman off and I was on the freeway, and I just started to cry in the car, like a deep cry from the pit of my soul. Just the feeling of loneliness in my car. I would work 4 a.m. to 2 p.m. I just felt like I wasn't going anywhere in life, that I was suddenly cut off from everyone. Working all the time, being a lot more broke than I usually was, stressed out about rent. You know, a lot of these financial problems started creeping in my life. So it was like this double whammy of losing friends plus financial woe. And I can't really name the specific thing that broke me that morning when I started crying, but I think it was just the silence. The silence was starting to let me contemplate things. It allowed me to feel what I was feeling instead of running from it. I couldn't go anywhere from it. Just something about those cold dark mornings in the car by myself. It was weird, it was like this irony. I was busier than I'd ever been driving gig work, driving people around constantly, but I was never more alone in my life. And then it got even worse when I switched to delivery work because then I didn't have people in my car to talk to me. You know, sure I would I would I meet people in restaurants when I pick up deliveries, but it's really quick, and they're busy, and I'm busy. It was after I moved here to Gilbert from Las Vegas, you know, picking up food in restaurants, I'm watching these people laugh and connect with each other over meals. And I'm this guy who's always living in his car now. Doesn't have nearly as many friends around him as he used to, or people interested in him at all. I'm wearing my athletic attire, because that's what you wear when you do deliveries, because you sweat a lot, you know, and I'm just this odd fly on the wall in these restaurants, this ghost. That's what I felt like. That's what I still feel like sometimes. And then I I come home to my kids and they're living their lives. You know, they're busy with their own things, and they love me and they miss me because I work a lot. But like all kids, you know, they've got their lives. So I would come home and even then I would still feel like a ghost. Like a ghost in my own home. And my son, I love him so much. You know, when he turned 18, he decided he wanted to move out into Las Vegas, reconnect with my ex-wife, you know, live there for a while. It's been almost a year now, but that really hit me too. Not being able to be there for him, on top of feeling alienated and like a ghost. Now my son says he wants to move away, and I felt like I failed him so much. And, you know, things like screen time or cannabis were filling the gaps sort of during the downtime, numbing, numbing me out rather than me connecting with what I was feeling inside. I felt irrelevant. I was at a p a place in my life 39, 40 years old, where nobody was interested in me anymore. Because I didn't have time for them. And worse, I didn't have time for myself. It's like this slow, suffocating feeling of being everywhere in the city, but belonging nowhere. And this is what led up to that moment, if you recall, if you guys have heard my first episode, I mentioned it uh in that episode, a dark moment where I really couldn't see a way forward. What I realized at the time, without realizing it, is that sometimes you have to lose everything borrowed before you can find what is actually yours. And what I mean by that is I was borrowing happiness from material possessions and things that I had. But I didn't realize that happiness was already mine, it was inside, and I lost everything around me, and I found a way to be happy again, which is where I'm at now. And I I'm still in the thick of it. You know, I had moved to Phoenix when I had mentioned that in the episode. I was still doing deliveries with minimal contact, no social life, barely saw my family, all the financial stress, and of course it was October again. It seems like October is where all these things start to happen, and I'd worked myself into a dark hole. And that was when the thought arose that maybe it would be easier if a car would take me out. And when I had that thought, because I had never thought that way before. It wasn't like I was suicidal, as I mentioned before. You know, it was it was just a thought that maybe this would be easier if I wasn't here anymore. And I'd never thought that way before. So I texted it to one of my good friends, and he's he's like, I've been there, man. You know, I've been there, and he really connected with me on it and empathized, and he was there for me when I really needed it. He's always been there for me. And I just couldn't believe that my headspace had gotten there. When you get to the point where you feel like not being here is easier, that's that's one of the darkest places a person can get. But that text that I sent him, that admission of how I was feeling, it opened something up inside of me. I had reached a wall, basically, where I was like, okay, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know how I got here, I don't know how to get out of this, I don't know. And I I started to open up and listen and be more mindful from the suffering and the mourning that I was experiencing, but I didn't have any direction. I didn't know what to do. And I mentioned in episode one how something found me, and I guess this is where I'll dive into more detail on that. I found a philosopher and spiritual person who goes by the name of Alan Watts. And some of you may know that name, some of you may have heard him, some of you may really love him or think indifferently of him. Whatever the case is, when I heard Alan Watts for the first time, and I was in that receptive state from the suffering that I was going through, it was just the perfect combination. I had reached a point where I realized I don't know how to get out of this, I don't know what to do, I need help. And just like the most perfect synchronicity you could ask for, I somehow stumbled onto this philosopher, Alan Watts, and he spoke to the depths of my soul. I cannot emphasize how much this man has changed my life. If there is one person who I can say is the most life-changing person I've ever experienced, it would be Alan Watts. Everything he said just made complete sense to me. It was like a key that fit perfectly into a lock and just opened something up in me that had been bound shut so tightly by the way I was raised and preconditioned. And the best thing is, Alan Watts did not convince me of everything of anything or try to sell me on a different way of thinking. He just shared the way he experiences life and the way he looks at life, and he didn't invalidate any of my prior quote unquote beliefs or faiths or anything like that. He just showed it to me from a different angle, making something three-dimensional for me instead of two-dimensional. And I listened to him every day for several weeks, and he completely transformed the way I thought. You know, I had all this free time in the car, and suddenly I was filling it with usefulness instead of just playing music or listening to random podcasts. But suddenly I was filling it with this guy, Alan Watts, and it was like everything was clicking. He completely transformed my thought process. And through proximity of Alan Watts, I found another thinker named uh Ramdas, which means servant of God. His real name is Richard Alpert. And these two guys, Alan Watts and Ramdas, completely blew my mind. They changed the way that I had looked at my life, about spirituality and religion and how we deal with things in life. And it's what led me to wanting to start this podcast and maintaining my hope and my optimism in the thick of all this adversity, all this craziness, not only in the world, but in my own personal life. But I'm in a much different headspace. I'm in a mindful state now. And there was this unexpected gift of being alone with my thoughts, really alone. Imagine this complete inversion of the way I was looking at my life, where I was in this dark hole thinking about not wanting to exist, and suddenly it it completely turns upside down. And I have all of this time to myself, this solitude, this aloneness to really be with my thoughts and all the things that I'm experiencing. You know, the etymology of the word alone comes from all one, pointing to being whole or complete in yourself, not divided. It really mirrors Jesus in the Bible when he says, When thine eye be whole or single, thy whole body will be full of light, meaning not fragmented, not drawn in multiple directions all the time, but with yourself. And if you are on the spiritual path and a seeker, then you know how powerful it is to be with what is. All spiritual practices focus on bringing people to their center, their present moment, being whole and undivided. So, like I said earlier in the beginning of the episode, there's a difference between loneliness, which is more like a painful absence of others, and aloneness, all oneness, being all one, complete, whole. That shift in language and perspective changes everything. And on this notion of loneliness versus aloneness, I wanted to read to you a quote from Osho. It's it's a little long, it's not too long, but I think that you will get a lot out of it if you can really hone in on this, on what he's saying here, because it's very transformative. He says man ordinarily lives in loneliness. To avoid loneliness, he creates all kinds of relationships, friendships, organizations, political parties, religions, and whatnot. But the basic thing is that he is very much afraid of being lonely. Loneliness is a black hole, a darkness, a frightening negative state, almost like death, as if you are being swallowed by death itself. To avoid it, you run out and fall into anybody just to hold somebody's hand, to feel that you are not lonely. Nothing hurts more than loneliness. But the trouble is any relationship that arises out of the fear of being lonely is not going to be a blissful experience, because the other is also joining you out of fear. You both call it love. You are both deceiving yourself and the other. It is simply fear, and fear can never be the source of love. Only those who love are absolutely fearless. Only those who love are able to be alone, joyously, whose need for the other has disappeared, who are sufficient unto themselves. The day you decide that all these efforts are failures, that your loneliness has remained untouched by all your efforts, that is a great moment of understanding. Then only one thing remains to see whether loneliness is such a thing that you should be afraid of or if it is just your nature. Then rather than running out and away, you close your eyes and go in. Suddenly the night is over and a new dawn. The loneliness transforms into aloneness. Aloness is your nature. You were born alone. You will die alone, and you are living alone without understanding it, without being fully aware of it. You misunderstand aloneness as loneliness. It is simply a misunderstanding. You are sufficient unto yourself. Well, I know that was a longer quote, but I wanted to read it out in full because it is a very powerful one. There's a brief thing that Osho says on this notion as well, which is that meditation is just a courage to be silent and alone. Slowly, slowly, slowly, you start feeling a new quality to yourself, a new aliveness, a new beauty, a new intelligence, which is not borrowed from anybody, which is growing within you. It has roots in your existence. Which for me was my dependence on others and my need to fill the silence with this or that a screen, a cannabis, or even hanging out with someone out of fear of being alone. You know, understanding this difference between loneliness and aloneness, it didn't magically fix everything. I still had to figure out how to come back to people. And that's where I am now, somewhere between the revelation and the practice. Because now that I am secure in my aloneness, in my solitude, I long for that connection. After eight years of this isolating gig work, I am trying to find a community again, somewhere where I belong. One of the major reasons I started this podcast is to bolster that, to give a space for other people to share their stories, but also for me to meet other people as they share their stories, to connect. And there's always that fear of meeting new people, that initial discomfort. And I still feel this. I have interviews lined up that I am absolutely terrified about, you know, that irrational fear of connecting with people. But the truth is that the discomfort you theorize of socializing initially is totally eclipsed by the discomfort of loneliness. And anyone out there who has maybe a lackluster social life knows this truth. Yeah, you'll feel uncomfortable when you meet someone initially, but it quickly goes away, especially as you guys become good friends and find out your common interests and you can be a space and a loving presence for somebody else. It feels great. When I connect with new people now, there's a gratitude that I never had before for friends in my life. I have this newfound appreciation for meeting people. I've met drivers while I'm doing deliveries and we've exchanged numbers. Um, one or two of them, we've become really good friends, actually. And when he calls, I look forward to his call to see how he's doing strictly out of genuine interest in his life and him as a person and how he's doing and how he's dealing with things. I've never realized this before, but friends become way more valuable as you age and have fewer of them. You know, in in uh Buddhism they talk about the otherworldly pleasures, which are pleasures from basically being there for someone that brings you joy. It's unattainable by material means. You know, you can buy a new car and be like, oh, this is this is so pleasurable, this is great, you know, or eating a piece of pizza, but those pleasures don't come close to the pleasure you get from being there for someone else, for being a friend to someone else. And the same in reverse of having friends be there for you. But as I mentioned, I'm still in the thick of it. I still feel irrelevant sometimes. So, what am I learning, you know, while I'm still in the thick of it? Well, it's not about what I'm what I've mastered. It's it's about the things that I'm still learning. It's this journey that I'm still on. Like Osho, his revelation about aloneness versus loneliness. This is not theoretical. This is something I'm living, and many of you listening are living. It's learning to sit with being alone, without screens, without numbing things. But looking directly in the eyes of things that are there that you've been running from. And of course, we have to be careful about the friends we do choose, because there are friends in my life who have hurt me. And that's part of the risk. But you can't let that stop you. It's about seeking that intentional, authentic community, like a real connection with someone. And the two things that I want you guys to walk away from with this episode is one to be to bring a mindful awareness to the relationships that you have in your life right now. Feel the gratitude for every relationship in your life, whether it's your spouse, whether it's your kids, whether it's your friends from work, casual acquaintances. Just stop and think about it for a minute and just feel that gratitude that they are in your life. And when you see them again, bring a mindfulness to them while you're with them, where you just are a space for them. So when they speak to you, what you're doing is listening without thinking about what you're gonna say in return. That you just completely give them your full attention. Let them feel that love and compassion you have for them. No ulterior motive. Just to be there for them, to love them. And the second thing is kind of on the flip side of that. That when you are alone, make it a solitude. In a solitude, that word is a positive aloneness. It's the opposite of lonely, really, in its meaning. It's like a time for you to contemplate things, to reflect on your life, to be intimate with yourself and your life. So honor your solitude or your aloneness when you have it. Like right now, I'm in a very alone state in my life. I have my wife, I have my, you know, I have friends and family, but I've never had friends and family so close yet far, you know, because of my busy schedule. So I find myself in a very solitude state of mind or state of life, you know. And it's not the most comfortable thing all the time, but can I bring mindfulness and awareness to that, to my solitude, and contemplate on what I need to contemplate on? There's a verse from the Tao Te Ching which really captures this. It says, Knowing others is intelligence. Knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich. If you stay in the center and embrace death with your whole heart, you will endure forever. So I'm not out of the woods, guys. I look forward to hopefully having a job again that pays me a livable wage, where I don't have to stress about money all the time, where I can have a wonderful social work family again, where I can have the time to spend um with my friends and family outside of work, you know, ideally working 40 hours or less a week again. Oh I'm not out of the woods. I'm not I'm not there yet, but I've learned that being in the woods is not just a place to escape from, but there's something here to discover. So go slowly. We're at the finish line, and I want to close out with a reading from Rilke in his letters to a young poet. He says in his letter, therefore, dear sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away, and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast. Be happy about your growth, in which, of course, you can't take anyone with you. And be gentle with those who stay behind. Be confident and calm in front of them, and don't torment them with your doubts, and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again. When you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of aloneness, that you trust, and don't expect any understanding, but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it. Blessings to all. Thank you for listening.