Losing a Brother, Finding Purpose: A 30-Year Friendship with Artist Raphael Rozenberg

What do we do with grief, synchronicity, and the strange ways love keeps showing up?

In this episode, I sit down with one of my oldest and closest friends, Raphael “Rafi” Rozenberg. We met in 1997 and have lived through almost everything together—high-school chaos, fatherhood, marriages, losses, and all the weird twists of life in between.

Rafi opens up about growing up in an Orthodox Jewish home, the accident that changed his father forever, the years of miscarriages he and his wife endured, and what it was like to lose both his father and his brother Pete. We talk about the shock of Pete’s passing, the long slow process of grief, and how you keep putting one foot in front of the other when life keeps breaking you open.

We also talk about the strange synchronicity around Pete’s birthday—how a meditation that morning brought him to mind, and what it might mean when the people we’ve lost show up in ways we can’t explain.

From there, we explore the path that led Rafi to his creative calling: becoming a full-time artist who designs and paints intricate 3D-printed sculptures. His business, Dungeon Master Minis, is a stunning example of turning pain, beauty, and obsession into craft.

If you want to see his work or support what he’s building:
🔗 Website: https://www.dmminisus.com/
📸 Instagram: @dmminisus
🎵 TikTok: @dmminis

If the show resonates with you, it would mean the world if you’d follow the podcast in your favorite app or share this episode with a friend who might need it.

I close this episode with a reading from Thich Nhat Hanh, offered as a kind of quiet blessing for anyone carrying grief today.

Thank you for being here.

Transcript

Rafi 0:01

Uh one night he had a game. Um I wasn't able to make it, but uh I get a call from um from my sister-in-law, Brooke, and she's you know emotional, and she's like, he's gone. And I'm like, what do you mean he's gone? And she's like, Peter died tonight.

Meeting My Best Friend

Jacob 0:20

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Standing Nowhere podcast. This is your host, Jacob, and thank you so much for being here. Uh today I'm sitting down with one of my oldest and best friends in the whole world, Raphael Rosenberg. We met uh back in high school in 1997, before many of you were born. We've been very close ever since. It's one of those friendships that just clicked right away and stayed strong all the way through the years. Rafi is an artist. Uh he's a dad, a husband, and somebody who has lived through quite a lot, uh, from miscarriages to losing his dad, his brother Pete. Uh, but somehow he still found a way to create beauty out of this chaos through his art. He runs his own business called Dungeon Master Minis, where he designs and paints these incredible 3D printed uh statues and figurines, and it's honestly some of the most beautiful miniature work I've ever seen. And our conversation today is a big mix of everything. So you're gonna hear grief, uh, fatherhood, creativity, synchronicities, um, a lot of humor, and just the raw stuff of being alive and being good friends with somebody that you've known for almost thirty three decades. It's one of those episodes where the walls are down, so settle in. I'm grateful that you're here for this one, and here's my conversation with Rafi. A little bit louder. Well, thanks for being on the podcast, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, of course. I uh I forgot to get a timer because we'll end up talking for three hours. I'll just cross up my phone once in a while.

Rafi 2:10

Yeah.

Jacob 2:12

So everyone listening, this is my best friend Raphael Rosenberg. Should I call you Rafi?

Rafi 2:18

Man.

Jacob 2:20

I like the haircut. Yeah, man. We go way back uh what have we known each other what fresh 30 years? Yeah, freshman year high school. Freshman year, man. Yeah. Palo Verde 97.

Rafi 2:32

Yeah, it's been been Do you remember uh the day we met? Yeah. Library, right?

Jacob 2:38

I thought we were in the commons and you were sitting um like messing with a girl or something, and then she took off. And I was like, I was like, that's interesting. And then we started talking about like uh Warcraft or something like that, and you were like, I'm pretty good.

Rafi 2:53

You you deflated my ego with that.

Jacob 2:56

That was so funny. We did uh what was it, a 1v1 Garden of War or something like that?

Rafi 3:01

Back in the dialogue days.

Jacob 3:03

Dude. Uh and right away I got to meet your family. Uh, do you remember the first thing your mom made for me for lunch after school?

Rafi 3:10

Probably hot dogs. It was probably my dad, not my mom.

Jacob 3:13

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, was it your dad? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. At that point I didn't know you could boil hot dogs to cook. I didn't know how to cook at all. Yeah. The good old days. Yeah. I appreciate you being on though, man, taking some time out. I know you're busy and whatnot. I'm I'm always on the prowl for uh people to talk to on the pod. You know, you you you and uh Tamar are my biggest fans, I think. I was looking at the cities where people listen to the podcast, and Blue Springs, Missouri is like one of the top.

Rafi 3:45

Yeah, we uh I was uh while I was doing some packing, I was at I actually had it uh on our speakers behind me, just kind of listening, trying to catch up a little bit. So two episodes behind, so I gotta I gotta catch up. Tamra listens it to her, she has a daily commute, so she could just turn it on uh Spotify while she's driving. She she gets to listen because her commute's about 45 minutes, which is as long as your episode. So she keeps she gets to listen to it every time she she goes to work whenever it releases. She's the one that actually reminds me. She's like, hey, I listened to Jake's podcast, you should listen to it. It released today. Like, hey, thanks.

Jacob 4:25

Dude, I really appreciate you guys listening, man. She she's texted me um a couple of times, like, oh, that was a great episode, keep going, you know, like her encouragement.

Rafi 4:35

Um, I mean, we used to kind of have uh conversations about like religion and beliefs and stuff like that, and like we definitely talked about politics in the b past. So I mean, like, yeah, so I mean, I think we both know where we stand, but as far as like, you know, um, but I mean, I know you've studied philosophy and stuff like that. We've always had those types of conversations before, but you know, um starting the podcast though, is I like it was either the radio or a podcast, man, especially with your voice. We've always said it, we've always thought that that was kind of what you should be into.

Jacob 5:15

So Yeah. Speaking of religion, I was gonna ask if you uh I like because I I've known you for a long time, but I don't think you and I have really ever sat down and like just spoken about like your really early years growing up, and maybe you could talk about that. Like you I remember you were born, I think, in New York, and the first like what 10 or 12 years of your life, you lived in New York, and your family is obviously very Jewish. Uh the most Jewish family I know, the only Jewish family I know. Um, and I was wondering if you could kind of talk about your upbringing, like what it was like in a Jewish family in New York and coming to Vegas.

Growing Up Orthodox

Rafi 5:50

Uh um well, my parents were well, my dad was very religious, very Orthodox Jew. We'd go like he, especially like when I knew him at post-accident, he was very involved with our synagogue, which was literally across the street. So he would go, we would I would go uh weekly on Saturdays and we would do prayer and stuff like that. Uh he would go almost every other day because um I guess the rabbi there would like trusted him enough to give him keys and open up and do like day like he would go out di uh every night and do his prayers uh on a daily basis, and yeah, he was just kind of like a caretaker for the synagogue and stuff like that while while we were growing up. But um you know, honestly, with uh being that orthodox though, it kind of made me w drift away, you know. Really?

Jacob 6:46

Yeah, so like he was too strict.

Rafi 6:48

Yeah, definitely. Like we couldn't turn on the lights when on Saturdays we, you know, no working, like we were like super religious orthodox. Um while while I was growing up, I also went to Yeshiva, which is you know the Jewish elementary and you know, middle school and stuff like that before I went to public school in Vegas. So I did go to like private school while as I was growing up. Um you know, so like I said, um, you know, uh the it made me drift away, and obviously it made Pete, you know, my brother, my lay brother drift away also because he actually ended up convert converting to Christianity at the end there. So I remember, yeah.

Jacob 7:30

But do you remember the point when you um kind of knew like did it did it ever have like deep meaning for you? And then do you remember like a point where it kind of like it was like I don't really resonate with this?

Rafi 7:43

I don't think I've ever resonated with me because I like as I was growing up I was questioning everything, so it's like what's the point of like I understand that there's a spiritual being, but wouldn't he want us to have freedoms and stuff like that as we're trying to live? Like not being able to do work on days that you know, if a pipe break breaks, you know, it just doesn't make like if God's will is you know, your pipe breaking, him not wanting you to fix it and cause additional damage to your house, it just doesn't make any sense to me. You know what I mean? So like not turning on the lights and stuff like that. I mean, back in the back when biblical times and stuff was written, electricity wasn't even a thing. So like how how like you know, things like that.

Jacob 8:28

Um I didn't know you couldn't turn your lights on. I know I know you couldn't work and things like that, but like Sabbath was serious for you guys then. Yeah, so any job your dad had, he'd never worked on Saturday or anything.

Rafi 8:39

Yep, pretty much. Um he when he we when he moved from Israel to uh New York, he was a taxicab driver, so he could kind of make his own um own schedule, and you know how crazy taxicabs are in New York. So um but yeah, he was uh my yeah, um my mom did seamstress stuff, and I mean she even kind of does that stuff on the side today, but yeah.

Jacob 9:05

Do you remember the accident uh when you were growing up with your dad?

Rafi 9:09

I was a baby when it happened, but um yeah, he he got thrown out um from what I understand is he got T-boned with the guy going about a hundred in the middle of the street and he got flung out of his car, a seatbelt broke ripped, broke his collarbone. He uh he was in a coma for several months um to the point where when he woke up, he didn't even recognize me or my brother. Like we never existed. Wow.

Jacob 9:32

Yeah. That's insane, man. I forgot you were so young when it happened. I remember hearing the story, but that's after that he always had a cane and whatnot. Yep.

Rafi 9:40

He always had issues. Uh I mean, I think because of the accent, and he also had some temper issues from that and stuff like that. Like from my what I understand, he he did change a little bit.

Jacob 9:50

So he was always a tough guy, strong. I mean, his voice, I'll never forget his voice.

Rafi 9:57

I mean, everybody compared him to yeah, to Star Wars uh episode one, the guy from the junkyard. Oh yeah, Watto. Yeah, Watto.

Jacob 10:08

That character was almost a little racist, wasn't it? Yeah, like the the accent kind of. Yeah, I remember uh you and I used to joke like when you speak Hebrew, you have to have a little bit of phlegm in there, you know, a little you gotta get deep in the back of the throat.

Rafi 10:22

Yeah, yep, we got uh got a hockey of that. Yeah.

Jacob 10:28

You you've always spoken two languages. I always thought that was so cool about you and the fam, you know. Um you guys would get into it in Hebrew sometimes, and it would be like this fast exchange in Hebrew, and I'm like, oh my god, what's going on here?

Rafi 10:40

Full of drama, and it's like, hi, how are you doing?

Jacob 10:45

Sounds so spirited. That's so cool. Yeah. Like a big mix of cultures and everything. Yeah, I uh your mom's accent I love too. I I guess it would be Polish.

Rafi 10:57

Yeah, she Polish. Uh Polish, but she like I think when she was fifteen, she moved to Israel, so she kind of that's where she met my dad. So but her her dad uh her dad uh moved to Israel and brought her with, so yeah.

Jacob 11:14

Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. Um I was gonna ask you in in regards to that. I remember growing up with you, not a lot of family would visit, and you would tell me like you just didn't have that much family. Is it like did that go back did that stem from the horrifying years in Germany and things like that, like wiping out a lot of family lines? Like is that can you speak to that a little bit?

Shadows of the Holocaust

Rafi 11:37

Yeah, so um my dad actually had a bunch of aunts and uncles and stuff when he was growing up, but they were um I mean, he they all died during the Holocaust, so it was literally him, his sister. Um, his parents died early because of uh heart problems. Um, and um it was just him and his sister growing up, uh, which his sister stayed in Israel while they while they moved in to America. And with that's we never grew close with our cousins or anything. Like I don't even know or talk to any of my cousins out there. Um and that was pretty much the extent of my extended family, my mom's fa side of the family. She had uh a brother that ended up passing away early, also. So Yeah. I mean, uh yeah, I just kind of lived and didn't really have too much uh family.

Jacob 12:29

So I guess that makes me your family, huh? I mean I've always felt like you were my brother, man. I mean, we've known each other now for so long, you know, and you guys have always been there for us, especially during financially tough years. You and Tamra would show up with like a new piece of furniture. I I think the TV stand that we're using is is still from you guys. That's funny. You were that auction site, uh, what was it? Uh Nellis Auctions. Nellis Auctions.

Rafi 12:55

I wish there was one out here. I'd I I'd make a bridge. That was one place that they always got my money.

Jacob 13:02

You used to flip stuff too, didn't you?

Rafi 13:04

Yeah. Used to uh in Vegas that was my side gig uh for the longest time. I would buy electronics and just sell stuff. I mean, I could get a mon like a computer monitor for ten bucks and then sell it for a hundred bucks um pretty easily. So it got really busy though at the end there, like when before we moved, there was a lot of people like learning about the site, so a lot of uh you know, uh things were starting to get a lot more expensive. People would actually overbid on items, so it's like, oh, okay, like this item typically MSRPs for eight hundred bucks and someone bid up to like a thousand dollars for that item. I'm like, what really?

Jacob 13:46

It's yours, take it.

Rafi 13:48

Yeah, yeah you you can obviously have it.

Jacob 13:50

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it yeah, it's one of those things like you have to be kind of money smart. Um, and I don't mean to be racist, but you've always been good with money. I know people joke about Jewish people being good with money, but you just happen to be Jewish and really good with money sometimes too. You know see, I'm gonna delete this in post-editing. No, I'm just joking.

Rafi 14:10

I mean, it's it I I don't know. Like my parents have always I mean my parents have always been generous with their money. They've always taught me that like, you know, I I know how to utilize it to the best of my ability, but I don't like have a billion dollars in savings like some of our friends do. And you know who I'm referring to. Um but um I mean like my parents have always taught me that money doesn't go with you whenever you die, so you either give it to your ch you give it away to your children, to charity, or you spend it on things that make you happy. So I mean, it's going to be it's going to be one of those the my my money goes into one of those places.

Jacob 14:52

So Yeah. Yeah, I think you've always had a really good uh handle on. I was gonna ask you in that in that regard too. Like I know we were joking about the the the racist idea that Jewish, you know, that people associate Jews with money, but like what is your opinion right now of like the the climate in this country with people towards the you know the Jewish community and stuff? Because I I hear I I try not to dive into stuff online a lot, like on social media, but I always hear like these racist Jewish conspiracies and things like that. Like, do you does that affect you in any way or you just shrug it off?

Rafi 15:27

I mean I don't even really keep up with that. I know that there's some political tension because of Israel right now and got the Gaza strip, but honestly, like I I'm actually not with Israel politically on that, because I mean genocide is genocide, and to have like having family that died during the Holocaust, I can kind of resonate with that feeling. Like I I feel for the Palestinians, I mean we're all human, we're all trying to live, you know, at least a decent, normal life. I mean, we're we're in America, which is a little a lot better than a lot of a lot of places. I mean Yeah. I mean, especially with today's political climate, we're still in a decent spot. So um, but you know, uh I'm I mean I I again New Yorkers are very pro pro Netanyahoo and like Israel and stuff like that, because I mean it comes down to loyalty, but in my opinion, like murdering of people is just not okay. So I mean Yeah I mean it doesn't affect me on a daily basis, so it uh it's not something that gets brought up. I mean j you know, Jews and uh Hollywood have always been a thing even since I was a kid, Jews running Hollywood, but I mean Steven Spielberg, yeah. Yeah, right? So I mean it is what it is. I mean, if Jews are no have better strategies with how to be able to get into higher positions of you know, where they can make a di like good money, I mean, why not? I mean put the best person in the best position uh that's available to them, regardless of race, creed, religion, it doesn't necessarily matter. So just absolutely pee I mean if you take like I we talked about just a second ago, you know, Israelis have always been in positions where they barter, you know. So you always have see them in electronic stores or jewelry stores, you know, trying to make their own money. So it's and they've always been synonymous with pinching pennies as well. So they're it it is what it is, dude.

Jacob 17:38

Like Yeah, I I suppose it's it's the the heart in which you say it, uh you know, if you if you're saying it in in good spirit, um unless you're coming at someone with a mean spirit, you know, uh it all depends on the person saying it, but I was gonna ask you as well, like um, you know, to go back earlier, we were talking about how your dad was deeply involved with the uh church. Um when was there a point where he realized that you weren't into it like he was? I don't know if Pete was as well, and did he feel like kind of sad when you weren't, or did you ever tell him, like, Dad, I'm not I don't believe in this stuff, or things like that, or was it did it just never come up?

Rafi 18:18

I think when we moved into Vegas is what was a lot more apparent because he like we stopped living next to a synagogue, so it was a lot more like he would still go weekly, but it was a lot more uh like at that point it was like you know, he's an Orthodox Jew, but he would drive, which was against the religion as well on Saturday to be able to make it to church. It was just or synagogue, but it's it's the same concept, right? So in order for him to be able to make it and do his uh his religious stuff, he'd basically have to break one of the you know cardinal sins of Jud Judaism to be able to go and pray. So I mean it is what it is. I mean, like I also said too sad or anything. No, I mean like I think he had some disappointment. I mean, he would disown Pete today uh because of his conversion to Christianity. He would absolutely have disowned him, yeah.

Jacob 19:17

So like just straight up not talk to him ever again.

Rafi 19:21

Yeah, with uh I I'm sorry to say, but like No, that's that's a real thing. Yeah, so I mean families take it serious. My my dad had some very prejudiced beliefs as well. Like living in in Israel as well, he was in the military, like I like I hate to say it, but he absolutely abhorred uh Muslims, you know, especially since he fought like four or five wars with them. Like he he had some very deep-rooted like prejudices as well. So I mean him I it wouldn't be far-fetched for my dad to say like, hey Pete, um this is not okay, we're we're not gonna speak. My mom's a lot more open-minded though. So she like yeah, so I mean, I think that there was a huge difference in belief and being raised and stuff like that. My my grandfather was a lot more open, um, whereas my dad was kind of raised in a culture where it was like, okay, it's us versus the world type thing.

The Struggle to Start a Family

Jacob 20:27

So that's awesome. Well, I mean, that's uh I mean it's interesting. Uh uh it's not awesome. It's awesome that your mom was uh accepting is what I meant to say, um of Pete's, you know, conversion, I guess you call it. But um I wanted to ask you as well, uh, in regards to uh the kids, you know, starting a family. Um obviously I remember we were living together at the time when you uh were attempting to start a family and you guys went through a lot with that. I was wondering if you could um you know if you're comfortable kind of speaking about that. Do you remember um in regards to like the miscarriages and things like that? I mean, obviously you have two amazing kids now, and they're both uh what I I don't think Caitlin's a teenager yet, right? She's what uh She is uh she is definitely a tween. In spirit, yeah.

Rafi 21:19

She is definitely in spirit. Uh she just turned eleven in October, so that's awesome. Yeah, she's and Connor is like what seventeen? He's taller than me now. He's taller than you. It's gr it's it's um embarrassing, to say the least. I'm sure that's how you felt with Trent, right? Yeah.

Jacob 21:40

It's funny looking back too, because like if you go back to when he was like uh I think he was what less than a year old when I moved in with you guys? And and I was a single dad at the time, and you guys were there to help me basically raise him for like the first year. You're a major part of his life. I have vivid memories of like Tamara helping feed him in his high chair and things like that. Are you getting frustrated with me when I didn't clean the the You remember that? The high chair? Yeah. Remember that one day you left it on my bed as a reminder. Yeah, sorry. No, man, I love those days. Those are those are great memories. Um I I remember too, like the you guys going through all that, dude. Like uh you you took in uh Tamara's brother as well, uh uh Neil, and helped raise him, and you were trying to start a family of your own, and it was like the you guys have you guys have had so many um uh blessings in your life, but also challenges and struggles, too. And I know there's a lot of people listening that uh could be going through that where they're trying to start a family, but they're not able to for whatever reason. Like, what got you guys through it? Do you remember going back?

Rafi 22:55

You know what? We I think it was just stubbornness at the end of the day. So no. You know, um for us it was the incompatibility of blood type, so like she was uh she has a negative blood type, so it just gave us an additional challenge to be able to overcome, and then I guess there's some type of shot that allows the pregnancy to stick, and we kinda we kind of learned about it a little bit more later as we were like going down the medical line as to like why we kept on having those miscarriages, but um it was like each kid we had two miscarriages and then we had uh a kid. So I mean uh we we were able to get it.

Jacob 23:40

Yeah. Oh wow. Man. Yeah, I remember you guys went through the ringer. Uh it was pretty in it was a pretty intense period, but you got through it and you learned. Um just persistence then.

Rafi 23:53

Yeah.

Jacob 23:53

Not giving up.

Rafi 23:54

Yeah, I mean it's it's it it was challenging, like I said, but I mean me and Tamara at that time we went through um so much together at that point.

Jacob 24:06

I mean what you were looking for work, I remember, too, uh struggling. You went to LaCordon Blue school for a little while. Yeah. You remember that?

Rafi 24:16

Yeah, LaCordon Bleu was uh actually a lot of fun. Um I mean taught me a lot, but never was I mean, I I had a couple of restaurant jobs, but it was never what was promised, you know, like you start off as a line cook and you just it doesn't pay very much. So I mean also Vegas, you know how the job market is volatile volatile out there. You just you have a job one day and the next day you just don't. So I mean, then I went through that so many times. Um until I believe it. Yeah. So I mean start companies were there and then they just were were gone. I mean, I think at I think by the time I was thirty, I like the longest I was able to hold a job for without getting laid off uh was a year maybe. So like either the company's gone or like the expectations were unrealistic, like you know, but you know.

Jacob 25:14

Yeah. Yeah, I remember that was a tough time for you between the jobs and and just trying to find your place and and trying to start a family, taking in Neil as well, which was amazing that you guys did that. I mean, you guys have always been so wonderful uh with helping others, you know. And I think uh it's it really speaks to that seeing how great your kids are and how well you've raised them and whatnot, you and and um how much you treasure friendship too. Like you've always been such a dear friend of mine, you know, and it it saddens me that we haven't hung out in like I mean we're hanging out now digitally, but we haven't hung out in what four years almost.

Rafi 25:50

Yeah, it's been about four years since we've moved to Kansas City. I mean we we tax every once in a while, but it's uh definitely been a while since we actually sat down and had a conversation and seen what uh uh what what's in each other's lives and stuff. Sorry about that.

Jacob 26:07

Yeah, absolutely. And also, yeah, process things too. Um you know, I I don't know if if you're comfortable talking about perhaps like your your dad and your brother um a little bit. I mean you you your dad passed uh how many years ago is it now? Do you remember?

Rafi 26:25

It's been I think ten at this point.

Jacob 26:29

Yeah.

Rafi 26:29

Yeah, it's uh it's it's been a little bit now. Um I mean, he was in and out of the hospital because he had uh he he was too stubborn to go to the hospital when he got uh when he first got pneumonia. So um and then he ended up um collapsing one day because of the pneumonia, and my mom took him to the hospital and they he ended up going into a coma and then because of that. And then a he was uh basically every like two months he'd be awake and then it they would medically induce him because the pain in his lung was well lungs were so bad and he wasn't able to breathe on his own anymore. So um I mean it it was heartbreaking to see and um honestly because uh I just couldn't see him. I didn't I should have visited him more, but I just couldn't see him that way. Um and then my mom calls me almost a year and a half later with him in and out of conscience. She's like, hey, they're gonna pull the plug. And I was there for when he passed and I I just broke down emotionally. It was such a horrifying sight.

Jacob 27:41

Like watching your dad move on. Yeah. And and you've you're such a well-rounded person. Like you you've never turned to drugs or addictions or anything like that. Like, how did you process that?

Rafi 27:56

Um I just took it a day at a time. That's really it. I mean, me and my dad there at the end there, we weren't super close. Like we we especially in my teen years, we constantly had arguments and stuff like that when we just kind of drifted apart. But um yeah, it it honestly it it didn't hit me as hard as it did with Pete when that happened. Um but yeah, I I think it's just a a different mentality, especially like I said, with the hardships that me and my dad endured, but I mean it still was heartbreaking to see that happen.

Moving to Missouri

Jacob 28:35

So Yeah. Just being being with what you were feeling on a day-to-day basis one day at a time, basically. Yeah. And you know, that that you you obviously uh had a lot of things going for you here in Vegas, and then you decided to move to Missouri, uh, which is where you're at now, to be closer to your brother. Yep. And I was wondering if you could talk about the decision to move, moving out there and what that was like, you know, as far as change of life, being close to him.

Rafi 29:10

So um it kind of came to the decision because I uh lost my job, uh, you know, Vegas being Vegas. Um so I I don't know if you want to go into that, but uh I worked for an alar a very big alarm company in Vegas, and um so my boss was a very he was a hothead, let's just put it that way. Um uh he uh I made a decision the previous night uh because the information that I was given um I ended up may approving something uh and then I um and then the information changed as the night went on from my the people that worked for me. And then the next day I hear the boss yelling at some someone from down the hall and he's like blah blah blah you know like why did you approve this and he was getting yelled at and I maybe having some type of integrity I go in and say hey no he didn't make the decision I I made that decision you shouldn't be yelling at him you know and then the my hothead's boss's boss ends up saying a stupid snide comment like hey how uh and this is right before Christmas so he's like how funny would it be your Christmas gift is that that you go to the unemployment line and he would always say stuff like that. So yeah so um I um I had a scheduled uh two week vacation around Christmas at that time and I'm like you know what if that's a decision that you want to do because I came up and spoke up and had integrity over something that that uh you you would rather have someone that's dishonest working for you I'm I'm sure that's just fine. So he ends up um I I end up saying reminding him I'm like hey I have a two week paid vacation coming up and uh he's like well we'll see if you have a job if you come back when you come back or not. When I can I got back the uh the vice president of the company was waiting for me in the parking lot and took my badge and I I kind of was I was pretty upset. I threw it out the window and I said okay well here you go so how toxic. Yeah so um I mean it wasn't it wasn't a terrible thing because I I was ready to move on. I was with that company for about three years in a man management position and apparently you know honesty wasn't something that they they needed in in their lives so and I I know that that's the second time that's happened to you and we don't we don't have to go into the details on that.

Jacob 31:50

I know you work for another company that was pretty shady in a management position and you saw some shady things happen and you spoke up and I remember that ended in a similar result but so after this time when did the decision come I you know I mean you owned a house in Las Vegas moving's not easy at that point. Like what when did you decide I'm gonna sell my house and move out to Missouri and be with my brother?

Rafi 32:15

So during that two week vacation Pete and his family and Brooke uh Riley and uh Abigail were all uh they they actually took vacation during Christmas at our house and Pete uh when I got back from got back from and he actually uh was there uh a little bit after New Year's so he he was there when I lost my job and he kind of jokingly says hey well now would be the perfect time to move and I'm like you know what that actually wouldn't be a bad idea I think I we need a change of scenery so that jet that like snide joke that he threw out there like became a pretty big discussion because me and Tamara have had that conversation since she's like well if you lose your next job I think maybe it's a it and she was getting sick of Vegas and like traffic was getting bad and like so many people were just moving to Vegas because of the raiders and stuff like that. It was just not not a good time and I mean expenses were gas was like four or five dollars a gallon like California prices and it it was just bad just living the same city. No it wasn't w especially when we were when we were younger it was just you know small a lot smaller and um the growth because of how compact it was it just wasn't it wasn't it was just getting worse. I mean every day like down the street we would have a shooting from in our nice neighborhood the quote unquote nice neighborhood it was starting to become more violent in our neighborhood um I mean he just throws out the joke wouldn't it be funny if you moved out with us and then in your brain you're like yeah it might be time it might be time so yeah so we made the made that decision actually pretty quickly so sh I told her um whatever so I told Tamara so let's do this um I'm gonna dual apply I'm gonna dual apply um to jobs in Missouri and I'll dual apply to jobs in Vegas and see what comes up and how um whatever position I get offered bet uh that's better is what I'll end up taking and we'll make that decision by then. So I applied in Vegas and I ended up landing a job with TELUS if you remember uh it's that call center on uh Decatur in like Sahara. Yes I think so yeah yeah yeah so um I ended up getting a uh offer there as a manager for workforce management um the pay was a lot less than what I was used to so I ended up but I did end up accepting it because that was my first job uh offer so I ended up doing that for a week and then I get a uh uh job offer for a major delivery company out here and they were basically almost doubling the the pay that uh that or yeah you know the the offer so I ended up accepting that and then I come out to I feel bad because I literally started a job you know a week later and then I end up leaving it and saying like I go to the security desk and I go to the security desk and I'm like hey uh this is my badge I'm you know I just started training um can you please give a message to blah blah blah and uh I don't even remember the guy I think his name was Darren when I started there so I and they they don't even deliver the message so I still got ended up getting two more paychecks from this company so I email I email my trainer I'm like hey uh I I turned to my badge why am I still getting paychecks I'm like how can I return this money because I don't deserve this and uh the the trainer she's like um we'll send you instructions on how to return the money and you know and she's like they don't even send me instructions on how to do that so I ended up getting two free paychecks from this company because of their it was their um unorgan disorganization that caused them to lose that and I was willing to pay it back I wasn't in a bad place I mean I I was willing to give them the money at that point but it was funny like how do you not know someone's not working for you anymore so I also email end up emailing the guy who hires me and he's like when did you do this? And I'm like I did this like three weeks ago and I'm still getting paychecks I'm like how could you not know that I don't work for you anymore and this is in the middle of us selling the house like you know like going through all of that and then um you know the so I accepted the job and I end up we end up moving well I end up moving uh the family's still in Vegas while Tamra's like packing up the house and trying to get everything done with for the movers and like um so I start the the the job and then while I start this job with the uh delivery carrier I get a call back from uh a credit union that I uh that I interviewed with and they ended up offering like 20% additional more than what I got offered.

Jacob 37:56

Dude blessings on blessings.

Rafi 37:58

Yeah so uh I ended up working for that delivery carrier for also only a week ended up going to HR and saying hey uh I'm sorry but um unless you can match this offer I'm not gonna be able to work do this like go th go through trading or anything. So that that was it was just an interesting time.

Jacob 38:18

I mean like so it was like good news more good news uh an accidental good news and then another job and then a better job.

Rafi 38:26

Yeah so um you know at this point um I'm living out of Pete's basement because the our house isn't ready in in Missouri yet because it was being built um and uh you know Tamara Tamara moves down into a month later and all of us are pretty much couch surfing on Pete's uh cat in his basement like I think it was like three of us and then my my son was living on his couch upstairs and we we were basically just couch surfing for uh basically a month and a half until our house was done so right um and then you know Tamara didn't didn't do anything for like two months until the house was settled until we got our like delivery of our stuff and um the the the moving company like their truck broke down and it like it took an extra like 30 days for them to deliver our stuff so we had didn't have anything we had to like get air mattresses which uh if you remember right before I moved I got into a car accident which wrecked my back. So in your Tesla Tesla yes I remember that. Yep. So um yeah that that destroyed my back living living on an air mattress for and the couch for two months. It's a good thing you have a strong back the the back is destroyed now like it it's a whatever was strong about it is no longer there.

Jacob 40:01

So well you say that but I'm sure if you got under a barbell. So you get there you get your house and then what's life like? And it must have been nice being close to Pete too huh?

Rafi 40:14

I mean w we did hang out a lot which was actually really nice until you know what happened. We'd actually do um a lot of like family get togethers he would invite me over he had uh he had a bunch of friends so we got to meet a lot of uh his friends out here that you know super welcoming super nice people um and you know they they kind of accept like he he had a friend that uh he was in the military in and they kinda like he was in the army and he he Pete was in the air force so they would always have that rivalry but they they treated each other like family which was cool. So nice and they kind of accepted us into that into that group which was very nice. So yeah social circles are valuable especially as you age right yeah especially it's har it's so much harder to make friends uh when you're older as but especially when you're like all you do is work.

Jacob 41:11

So oh I know man you're so busy with that too and I want to ask you about that and that I was gonna ask too if uh if if you're comfortable talking about it like what can you walk me through that that day?

Rafi 41:24

You know what day I'm talking about yeah um so um Brooke which is my sister-in-law so Pete um just a little bit of background he played uh for a veterans uh hockey league so people that served in the military so um he he had a tight knit group uh and his group um I think was called I think it was a Mavericks I I don't really remember the name of the the hockey hockey uh team that he was part of but it was an all veterans group and he was part of the team and it was like a C League team but they had a lot of fun.

The Phone Call

Jacob 42:05

Um but remember you used to always talk about it.

Rafi 42:08

Yeah um so he would invite me all the time to the his hockey games and like you know I would go out and it was just me and a couple other families that would watch them and it was a lot of fun though. I mean like um I would sit with uh with my nieces and um my sister-in-law we would just watch them and just have a good time and uh one night he had a game um I was unable to make it but uh I get a call from um from my sister-in-law Brooke and she's you know emotional and she's like he's gone and I'm like what do you mean he's gone and she's like Peter died tonight and I'm like what what are you talking about? And then I'm like you know I'm like she's like yeah they found him in the locker room and he was passed out and he's gone and she's like super emotional and she couldn't really she wasn't very coherent. I'm like what are you talking like I just couldn't understand what was going on because we we just the like the night before we went to a um a local carnival um for our kids and like I was just talking to him so it wasn't registering. So after she hangs up I'm like what's going on like I don't know what's going on and um I go to my mom and mom's room and she this is like I think like at 10 30, 11 o'clock at night and I'm like doing my work stuff and I go to my mom and I'm like Brooke just called and she said that Pete passed away and she she like she's like what what's g what? She it didn't register I'm like yeah Pete died. I I don't know what's going on and she's like she starts crying and becoming emotional and I'm like so I go and wake up Tamara and I tell her and she she starts like we're all emotional and we didn't tell the kids until the next day but I mean you know life is short. He was uh 40 I'm I'm a little bit older than he was but um he he had a uh you know the they call it the widow maker where like one of the arteries is completely plugged and he he died. Uh he from my understanding from who um who I talked to about about it in the team and uh his wife um apparently he was having trouble breathing and he thought it was just an asthma attack so he went into the locker room to find his inhaler and um he ended up having a heart attack um dying I remember when you texted me too I was like what what right was like we grew up with this guy.

Jacob 44:57

I mean you we really grew up with him but I I got a lot of good years with him too and it's crazy that the the night before you guys got to spend together at a carnival I didn't know that bit. That's awesome man and I didn't I didn't know how to um how to talk to you um about it. Sorry my thing is beeping here. I didn't know how to talk to you about it after it happened uh I was like what do I say you know right um w w was it similar to uh to your your dad where you just took it one day at a time?

Rafi 45:36

I mean just I I I took it a lot harder with P passing away. Um you know I I I was a little bit more intimate with like even though it was n it was none of my decision everything was uh obviously Brooke's decision but I was a little bit more on you know um involved with like planning his funeral and stuff like that which uh was you know helping out Brooke and trying to you know trying to process the emotions and stuff like that. Um I mean and for me um to keep my mind busy um I took maybe a day or two off of work but I kind of delved into work to try to keep my mind off of things and there were days where like I would just I would listen to a song that reminded me of him like on the radio going to work and I would just break down I'd pull over and call my boss and be like hey dude I I really can't come in it's like hitting me today. So I it yeah uh it just took me a lot longer to be able to process it um emotionally you never get over it you know like so the other day I was thinking like just thinking about it too because it's a round um uh I mean he passed away two days after my my birthday so uh every time my birthday's around it's like okay like how can I celebrate my how can I celebrate when my brother is died around at the same time.

Jacob 47:25

So it's like a it's almost like you're celebrating birth and death at the same time. I I think back to all the good times we had um do you remember his little Geometro Papa reminded me the most of like a Monty Python person in real life right yep and he would throw himself completely into whatever he was doing like I remember vividly we were like in a best buy parking lot and he's driving his Geo Metro and he and he's like people were walking in front of his car and he's like honking at them and he's looking like really angry at them and people are like what did I do?

Rafi 48:11

Or his swerving while we were in there like him going left and right like he would go like on purpose like just wide like swerving turns while we were just driving in the middle of the street that little car took a beating from him and then rolling like you said rolling the windows down in the Papa John day like we I think we were on the way to Papa John's and he was just yelling Papa John out the window at people and they're looking at him like who is this guy? Just random spontaneous bits of humor you know just brought a smile to everyone's life yeah and you know honestly during the funeral like he's touched a lot of people look there were hundreds of people that uh that came to his funeral like literally packed his church with uh the amount of people that so I I I think that humor and like his uh his just that persona that he's had he's he's you know how my mom was she was like a magnet for people like people would be magnet he had that same personality where he just touched the lives of people with like any any person that he he's spoken to and it's crazy because like every single person had something positive to say you know about him like they actually had like deep rooted feelings for my brother which is crazy to me.

Jacob 49:35

Like I don't think I've ever for me you know I've always been kind of a recluse like for me my like the people that I have friendships with are I'm very close with um and like I treat them like family but him he he had a like he treated everybody like family and it it definitely showed so yeah most definitely being around him it he always made things lighter you know um he he could get intense when he needed to be and he's intelligent like you you're both very intelligent um I mean your parents you probably get that from them um you I I think you were more of the art artist and uh I don't know how to describe Pete he was just uh you're both get things done type of people you know like he joined the air force and I forget what he was doing before he passed but I mean always using his mind but when he would throw himself into humor he really threw himself into it and it just brightened everyone's day. It was just fantastic he was a cool cat man.

Rafi 50:37

Yeah he he definitely was I mean like you know me being his brother I I was probably a little closer than most but when he was in the in the military like him what I don't want to get into it um but he he left for the military for a very specific reason which wasn't the best of reasons. I think you know what I'm talking about. I I don't want to talk ill no um of of him but no uh because of what happened uh me and him kind of grew apart and but after the military it was I something um I think it was more so Christianity that kind of brought him s himself to himself to where he's a little bit more at peace with uh you know bringing his personality for the good not for the bad you know I think the military kind of set him straight with that kind of stuff. Um but yeah I mean he at the end there he uh he worked for uh Cox Communications they had an automotive department I did even know this but he they uh they had a website that's similar to Auto Trader that uh uh Cox Automotive that was similar to that but uh they did a mass layoff and he ended up um he he um did web design and web coding um for Cox he was a QA analyst which basically made sure like the code was up to par make sure like the uh websites weren't going to break you know the the pages weren't going to break and things like that before they actually launched it. Um and then he ended up doing um going to Garmin, the GPS company. Uh you know they're known for GPS but they do a lot more but um he ended up doing uh the same thing for them. He did QA for for Garmin.

Jacob 52:27

So what a blessing that you moved out there when you did it was like serendipitous don't you think? Do you ever stop and wonder if that's like the universe uh whatever you want to call the mystery kind of pushing you guys together like it did?

Rafi 52:40

Yeah I th I definitely think so. I think that there was definitely some type of um I there's a there was definitely something calling out to me to say okay maybe you know you should probably spend you know I I it's it's uh you know a little bit morbid but but I mean like spend the last year that he's alive with him, you know, and it was just kind of like maybe a subconscious thing or the universe calling or deeper intelligence.

Pete's Birthday

Jacob 53:11

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah it just worked out and um your mom too her coming out there with you guys living with you of course taking care of her and um getting to spend more time with him and uh towards the end. It was just you know for me I I know you've heard my first episode and I talk about how I was kind of in a dark place. Well obviously Pete was a big part of that, you know um on top of everything. It's like being isolated in my car all the time and then hearing this news, you know um and I remember as you probably know I I usually sit a little bit in the morning because I have a one of those crazy brains and I just kind of watch my thoughts go by and there was one morning when I had first started learning how to sit and um things were coming up and it was like all I could think about during the meditation was Pete. And I was just like tears were streaming down my face and I brought toilet and I was like all I could think about was Pete for the whole session and I just sat there with it and I was just like crying and uh I don't know if you remember but I texted you that morning and I was like I didn't say anything about Pete. I just texted you and I said hey how are you guys doing and you were like it's a little rough today's Pete's birthday and I was like whoa I totally forgot what his uh which day his birthday was on. It just happened to be that morning it was like he wouldn't leave my mind. It was just all I could think about and then you texted me that and I just broke down in tears on my car that day and I was like what it was just a weird synchronicity I've never been much for miracles you know and um coincidences and things like that but it was like it was real eerie you know and on that note like I don't think I've ever asked you like you you said earlier in in the episode like um you know you you didn't really dive into Judaism like your dad did. How what what is your view on on the universe?

Rafi 55:18

Like do you think it it's do you think it's all random or do you think there's something more to it um I always had a I always had a belief that there's a higher power be it you know either science or it it being um you know a greater being or something. I think I definitely believe that there's karma. I I definitely definitely believe uh that if you put negative energy out into the world that energy uh does eventually come back to you. I mean but that that's my belief. I th that that's why you know I I try to do the best that I can I try to help people when I have the ability to um like I said like family especially with the little that I have and my friends um are like I will prioritize that them over anything else in my life. Like if I have a shirt to give I'm going to give you my shirt like and if so it's just something that how I how how I was raised and like I said it just kind of comes back to what my parents taught me that you know you might have money but money doesn't come back to you when you're dead. So I mean so and I think that type of generosity just kind of like uh comes more natural to me. Um but I think whereas Pete is more open to giving it to everybody it's to me it's more so uh like that with people that I build relationships with.

Jacob 56:56

Again might be the artistic side but I'm definitely more of a introvert recluse type person than uh than than Pete was so uh did what after everything that happened with that did that change your view on what you wanted to do with your life because I I've been gone you know not able to be with you in in the flesh for now almost four years but I'm hearing about how much you've swung deeply into your art and I should have mentioned that earlier in the podcast like you are a deeply artistic person. I mean I remember since the day I met you your parents had photos on the wall that you drew I remember that orange that beautiful orange that you drew as a child you know the different uh textures and shading you put on it or the dragon and then and now you have your own business and you're doing that full time can you talk about how that kind of did that help launch you into that and and what's what's it been like now focusing on art?

Dungeon Master Minis

Rafi 57:56

I mean something you love you know um so uh yes uh Pete was a very uh big um yeah he he he definitely uh kind of his death kind of pushed me into like understanding that you know you don't have a lot of um time to you know live in this world so um so uh it's kind of a funny story because um the way that it kind of it turned out right so shortly after Pete's death um we me and Tamara met a couple um that live out here um and his their son is friends with uh Connor uh Corbin is friends with Connor and during his birthday um Corbin ended up spending the night and then the next day um um Corbin's mom picked picked up uh picked him up from the party and um you know I saw I I saw keychain that she had on her keychain I'm like oh that's kind of cool where did you get that from and she's like oh that that's our business you know we we make little like articulating 3D prints and stuff like that. Well and I told her you know I kinda we kind of started just chatting about it. And you know I told her like I I never like the they did more of the uh plastics filament uh type uh prints and I told them I never really got into it. I thought it was a little bit difficult trying to tune the machines and stuff like that. And I told her like you know I got really into resin uh resin printing and like because I'm more of a DD player and stuff like that and she's like oh that that's cool and we just kind of had that conversation and she they talked about how like they have an Etsy business and they were able to support their family with it and like they kind of told me like oh we made this like this amount of sales and you know and while I was working at the bank you know at the credit union and I'm like huh maybe maybe this is something that I can pursue so you know I'm like looking at Etsy and I'm like trying to understand how everything works and you know trying to understand and how to turn tur like open a business and stuff like that and honestly I was also like especially with my job history like I said you know like there's no loyalty in today's world everybody wants your loyalty but they they never can return loyalty back back like um you know I I was tired of working for other people and I just decided hey you know what I'm going to um I'm gonna end up uh trying this out so ended up opening an Etsy store and I specifically did like uh 3D prints and miniatures and stuff like that so um ended up um getting a customer that he's like hey uh you know he he was a previous customer he does he ended up buying pretty well so I ended up entertaining uh his idea and he's like hey so I like lewd prints so nudes like nude models and stuff like that yeah so it's like have you ever d have you ever decided to try to do this because I would literally end up ordering these models the the specifical specific creators models every month from you so I'm like you know what um based off of the pri like you have to pay for a licensing fee to be able to sell that person's models right so based off of the how much I would sell versus the licensing fee I would still make a profit even even if I sold those four models to this guy. So I'm like you know what let me go ahead and do this. Ended up posting something that I had absolutely no idea even existed um and Etsy shoots me a warning for it for for I like if you if you go on Etsy and you literally search this particular model there's hundreds of it yeah like literally hundreds of this particular model and I end up getting a warning and I'm like why did I get a warning? Is this a subtype of mistake? Like this is digital art like how does this even make sense? They hit me for like child pornography dude what? Yeah Epstein files man Oh my lord dude so I'm like this has to be a mistake this has to be AI. So I ended up posting it again. They banned me no the second time they banned my Etsy store literally so I shoot them an email I'm like is this a mistake and they're like no this digital character is 14 depicted in like it's a cartoon character. So it was it was Wilma from Scooby-Doo really? Yeah dude wait but but it was lewd it was it like it was a ghost that was lifting up her skirt so you saw her panties.

Jacob 1:03:22

So it wasn't even like a nude laugh but like so what happened to your store then they banned it. And it's still banned.

Rafi 1:03:31

It was it's but yeah I cannot work for Etsy or I can't not work for Etsy anymore which was okay. I was actually at the point where I was like okay uh I want to venture out and open up my own web store anyways because um I I don't know if you know anything about Etsy fees but Etsy charges a nominal amount uh for per sale so uh depending on what you sold and how they up you obtained your traffic they could charge you almost like 35% of your sale for every sale. Yeah. And you do all the work so they the only thing that they do is give you a marketplace to to put your stuff on. So you ended up like I think my first year in business uh I made like 60k but I had 60k in between the marketing uh between like the sh like I I broke even. I didn't make any profit during my first year.

Jacob 1:04:28

60 grand and you break even? I broke even dude that's criminal so so they ban you and you're kind of like it's like bittersweet though?

Twenty Hours, One Miniature

Rafi 1:04:38

Yeah so uh I ended up looking at different alternatives. I ended up land landing on Shopify because um you know as far as their basic plan it was like 30 a month for the upkeep on the like for them to give you access to their back end system, their listing system. So I mean it's better than like I was listing about 500 products a month. So if you think about it 30 cents a month 30 cents per listing at 500 products a month adds up. It adds up it definitely adds up I was so I mean 30 bucks versus $150 a month would sounded a lot better but in order for me to be able to garner any traffic it's my own web shop so I had to you know I had to look into how to do everything myself as far as like advertising and listing on the Google is its own thing so you have to figure out how to be able to rank on search engines. Like it it's a learning curve but I mean it's rewarding because everything that you're doing you're doing for yourself at that point. Besides you know and then working at a credit union I understood more of like how transaction fees for debit cards and stuff work and like the back end systems. So um like they Shopify charged like 2.9% for per transaction because of their processing fees which is actually I think like low it's 2.5 for a bank to charge businesses.

Jacob 1:06:06

So if you use a Visa debit card credit card a bank uh a business gets charged 2.5% of that transaction doesn't matter where you go because that's just how much it costs the bank to process that transaction you know you lose yourself in it in the process like um because I've seen the stuff you do on your Instagram for your for your for your business and it's incredible man like the detail I mean I do I can just see you pouring yourself into it you know like you get lost in it.

Rafi 1:06:37

Um I think Tamara hates it sometimes because you know like you know I you said I I don't get into addictive addictions but I always had some type of addiction with either game like I don't know what it is it's I I probably have ADHD you know a little bit there because I do like hyper focus on things that I get into. So you get passionate. Yeah so you know I go through a phase of video gaming or working out you know or like you know I I will hyper focus on anything that I I get into and whenever I do that I lose track of time very easily. So I mean I'll I'll spend in a day like it takes you know maybe two or three hours to prep a model for paint and then you gotta prime it and then it has a full day to to cure after that so you can even get paint on it. Man I I will start painting at 8 a.m and then I will put my brushes down and be like hey you know I have an Alexa I don't have a clock in my room which might be a problem but I'll put down my brushes at like 4 a.m and like just don't even notice that the time flew and but I'll have a finished model in front of me at that point. Like I I won't be done until I'm done finishing it you know wait and this is what like one statue?

Jacob 1:08:04

Mm-hmm. Yep. And you start at what time?

Rafi 1:08:06

Like 8 a.m in the morning and sometimes I'll go until like four in the morning.

Jacob 1:08:10

The next day.

Rafi 1:08:11

Yeah.

Jacob 1:08:12

So almost 24 hours you will just completely lose yourself in painting a model just straight through.

Rafi 1:08:18

Yeah that's why that's why the models are costed at what they are because it takes a substantial amount like one model for paint and like prep and everything you're probably looking at like maybe 30 hours of time.

Jacob 1:08:31

So if you think about it someone that's you know getting paid fifteen dollars an hour for 30 hours of time yeah absolutely man yeah the the stuff that you come out with is just so beautiful and I'm like I'm look I'm trying you you can't even see the full level of detail you get pretty close with the HD videos but you can see like the level of detail in every little part of it it's like mind blowing I'll just sit there and watch your little statue spin around a few times trying to notice all the little things it's like dude it's crazy man. Yeah so would you say you've you've found your your love and your passion in life in term in terms of work?

Rafi 1:09:11

Yeah I I definitely do. I hate the maintenance part um I I think we were talking and I was letting you know that uh you know my my goal is to eventually actually have a hobby shop where I can actually have some of the stuff up uh for sale on you know for for foot traffic because um Google does tell you actually how many locals are searching for your business and on a daily basis I have like 50 or 60 people like looking into my shop and that's lost bit that's lost revenue in business. People could be walking into a physical shop and that can probably pay for a shop as well you know on its own. But the goal is to have maybe one or two employees I I would love for someone to be able to do the administrative work while I sit in the back and like work in paint and stuff like that. The model prep is whatever, you know like it's part of the part of the business and but if I could pay someone to do it instead of me having to do it and I just focus on the painting part I would love to love to do that. So that's the that's the plan right now. My goal and I've told Tamar this uh in order for me to be able to feasibly um have a paycheck that pays as much as what I was doing before I have to earn every day of a month $200 a day. So and I've been able to surpr surpass that on a daily basis. So I'm I'm not quite clear yet but I'm I'm I'm getting there.

Jacob 1:10:51

So well we gotta plug it where can people find your work? It's uh dmminisus com DM Minis that's dungeon master like DM for dungeon master minis. So DM minis what was it again? US.com dm minisus com awesome yeah I'll put a link in the description as well so people can find you because we have a huge audience on this show millions of people tune in every every day so hey you with your voice it it'll happen oh thank you well that's awesome man it's it seems like you know through all the the blessings and the valleys in your life like you've really created for yourself like a well-rounded life well-rounded family um you know and you're still close to Brooke and your your immediate family over there um hopefully we'll be joining you over there in the near future but we'll see what happens I was gonna ask you like I in my last three years kind of diving into a lot of like Eastern traditions and things like that one that struck me as particularly beautiful which I've really leaned more towards is Zen Buddhism and their emphasis on the divine or spiritual nature of things through the aesthetics of life. Do you ever feel although you didn't have much of a connection with Judaism the that you've kind of found a spiritual core in what you do with your art That's a good question.

Rafi 1:12:27

Um I mean I don't think I that I have a passion for it but I'm not I don't think it's a spirit like spirituality. You know what I mean?

Jacob 1:12:39

Yeah but I would say um because I look at your art and I'm like I don't care what arguments people have for the universe being random like that's not random for for anytime I see art in general but especially yours because I love you you're like my brother and it's like I see the things that you produce and I'm like this is not a product of randomness you know this is like something beyond that we can't put into words you know and yeah I I mean you just said you work on a model for 20 hours straight you know and you lose yourself. Rafi's not there. There's just a paintbrush and there's a statue and it's isn't it almost like it just creates itself through you in a way I mean the whole point of religion is to lose yourself right and to be transparent. And you do that with with people in life like you said you're always there for people you're always generous you've always been there for us in so many the chair I'm sitting on right now you gave to me it's a good chair. It is a very good chair you know you cook for people and you create art. I mean these are in my I hate to you know the podcast is called Standing Nowhere because I don't like to stand on a concept it w you know this whole mystery is beyond words but I think what you do in my opinion is very spiritual from my perspective. You know I d I just I don't I guess you you don't want to put the label on it and that's fine and I don't blame you, you know, but it just seems to be like you Rafi disappears and the art just kind of comes forth out of you. You know does that sound too mystical?

Rafi 1:14:11

No I I mean it it does make sense when you put it that way right um I mean I think a lot of it is also learning um like man uh when I first started painting like like you said I I've been a canvas paint uh painter I've done charcoal you know I've learned how to do a lot of stuff in like high school and like middle school I've I I've always drawn like I when I was a kid I always had a little notebook of like superheroes and concepts that I always drew and you know I was that kid that that liked to do that.

Jacob 1:14:48

And like you said painting a 3D object too like I'm picturing like a flat you know two-dimensional canvas that's one thing and that's beautiful but what you're doing it's like this 3D statue like there's there's all those flowing things around her it's like I can only imagine you trying to keep your your brush steady. I love the the dark Yoda you sent me. But man I I'm so grateful for you coming on here I know we've been you and me we could just hang out forever and I can I want to be respectful of your time too because I'm sure you've got to get back at it but do you have any um you know anything else you want to say and or impart on people um because you know you and I we're in our 40s now and some people listening they might be a little older a little younger but if they're going through anything like loss or struggling to start a family or just whatever you know any imparting wisdom you want to leave people with?

Do What You're Passionate About

Rafi 1:15:39

I mean for all the ups and downs uh that I've I've gone through throughout life I mean I you know I don't think I have it terrible but you know I have uh you know I've had my father pass away my brother uh pass away and I've gone through a lot of challenges challenges starting the relationship with my uh my spouse and you know you know how that was. Um you know you only live once if you have a passion for it you you need to just really really dive into it and go for it. Um I mean put a hundred percent into anything that you do put your heart and soul. I mean like I said I I feel like I like in some way I probably have ADHD because I hyper focus on things but if you if you love what you do you need to just do that because in today's day and age with you know especially with how our economy is and you know people are looking out for number one and loyalty is not something that's returned in in in life um even if you earn it um you know and as much as you feel like you can do amazingly well for people I mean there a lot of people are selfish. So um do what you're if I can impart any wisdom do do what you feel you're passionate about. Um that that's what life is about don't get tied down to anybody like tied down to anyone that you're not passionate about. You question why you're waking up in the morning um and because of work dreading life oh I hate what I'm doing like why why am I even going to work? I want to call out today I mean to see that you're not doing what you should be doing in life and people will pay for passion.

Jacob 1:17:38

So well said man words of wisdom well that's my best friend Raphael Rosenberg everyone thanks for being on the podcast man I really appreciate you I love you man. I love you too and I can't wait to be with you again give you a big velcro buddy hug.

Rafi 1:17:55

Hetero life mates forever as hetero life mates forever like Jane silent bob always said exactly well right everyone that wraps up our conversation with Rafi today.

Jacob 1:18:11

I want to thank everyone for listening this was a special episode for me. A huge thank you to Rafi for opening up and just being willing to go there. Not just the fun memories but the losses the weird synchronicities the way he's found meaning through art. If you want to support his work please check out Dungeon Master Minis website DM Minis US dot com and you can also follow him on Instagram at DM Minis US or TikTok at DM Minis and I'll have links in the description his work is honestly incredible. And before I close just a quick ask if the show resonates with you please take a sec to follow in your favorite podcast app and maybe share it with a friend who'd appreciate it. It really helps the show more than anything and I want to end today with a reading from TikNothan that really matches the heart of this episode. He says when we lose someone we love we think they are gone. But if we breathe and come home to the present moment we will see them everywhere in the way the light touches the room in our breath in our steps in the silence that suddenly feels full nothing that has ever lived is truly lost it only changes form. Your loved one is in your mindfulness in your compassion in the way you now hold the world more gently if you look deeply you will see that they continue in you in each step that you take thank you again for being here blessings to all I will see you next time