30 Episodes in 7 Months: What I've Learned (+ Afterparty with My Dad)

30 episodes in 7 months. I can't believe I pulled it off.

In this episode, I reflect on what surprised me, what I've learned, and why I'm stepping back from weekly Thursday releases (for now). I also share a Zen story about a samurai and a monk—"the gates of heaven and hell"—that's been sticking with me, especially after recording Episode 30 with my dad.

Afterparty bonus starts at 12:43: me and my dad about two hours into recording Episode 30… completely off the rails. Fake tire commercials, bad impressions, childhood sledding injuries—and a few unexpectedly real moments in between.

If you haven't heard Episode 30 yet, go back and listen: "The Anger I Inherited." It's one of the most meaningful conversations I've ever recorded.

Transcript

30 Episodes

Schedule Change

The Journey

My Dad's Episode

Where I'm At

The Samurai & The Monk

Jacob 0:01

Furious, the samurai drew his blade. Akuin looked at him and said, Here, open the gates of hell. The samurai froze. He understood. Wow, we did it. 30 episodes, huh? This is, of course, episode 31. But you know, 30 episodes is a milestone, and I thought I would do an episode where I actually kind of reflect on the journey of starting the podcast, some of the honest stuff about what's going on in real life, and uh, you know, what I'm looking forward to in the future. But um stick around till the end because um speaking of my dad, we did an episode uh together, uh last episode, episode 30. And after we recorded that episode, we actually sat down again and recorded another episode. Yeah, we decided to do something fun, just kind of talk about whatever came to mind, and we just kind of let our hair down, if you will, had a good time, just laughed a lot. I think you'll enjoy it. Right out of the gate, too, I want to let you know there's going to be a schedule change for the podcasts. As of now, I release episodes every week at Thursday at 5 a.m. And as many of you know who have listened to this uh podcast for a while, I'm pretty busy with a lot of real life stuff. Right now, I'm a little bit extra busy, and there's times in my life where my busyness kind of spikes, and it makes it hard for me to do the podcast on a weekly basis. So I'm kind of freeing myself from the weekly Thursday morning deadline. I love doing this. I love podcasting, I love uh recording episodes, I love talking to people. I always have. And this is something that I'm very passionate about and I want to keep doing in spite of all the challenges. The journey's been fun. You know, 30 episodes in seven months. I'm really I'm like, wow, I just look back on it like, how did I get here? I procrastinated starting this podcast for so long. And when my birthday came up last year, the realization hit me that I'm gonna be gone someday. I'm gonna die. And your birthday is like that little ticker, that reminder that you're moving a little closer to death. Not in a morbid way, but it's just a reminder, like, hey, you have a time limit. What do you want to spend your time doing? And it was a couple of days before my birthday when it just popped in my head, you're gonna record this on your birthday. And I did. You guys can go back to episode one, it's called I Don't Know What I'm Doing. So, you know, me freeing myself from a weekly deadline will also give me more a more dynamic schedule that can shift with my busy real life schedule and allow me to really carve out those pockets of time that I do have for interviews and then release the episode when I can. And it'll it'll only result in probably, you know, episodes coming out on a Wednesday or a Thursday, you know, a Friday instead of every Thursday. So I'm not worried about that. And speaking of interviews, you know, my dad's episode specifically, man, that meant so much to me to finally do that. I was really lucky to have my mom as my first guest. I think she was the 12th episode I did, and my dad, he lives in Montana and he visits when he can. So it was finally great because he's a busy guy too. When he came out, we had been talking about doing an episode together for a long time. And it was awesome to finally sit down with him and do that. It meant a lot. He shared some memories that I didn't even know about. He really opened up about his dad. You know, if you haven't heard that episode, episode 30, go back and listen to it. It's fantastic. I plan on interviewing um unhoused individuals as well and people from all different walks of life. And right now I have a small listener base, but I know that you guys are out there. And the next phase of the podcast that I'm excited about is connecting more with my audience. So if you're out there listening and you like this podcast and you like the people I talk to and you want to hear more of it, I would love to hear from you. You know, you can email me at standing nowhere podcast at gmail or leave a comment. I like to I like to know who's listening out there and develop a relationship with the listeners. We also have a Discord server. But, you know, if I'm honest, the thing that really surprised me the most about making this podcast is just the feeling and emotion that I've gone through in this process. Like you'll hear episodes where I really open up and I've gotten emotional on this podcast many times. I remember I think it was episode six. Every I think it's called Everything You Love Is Dying. And I I've forgotten some of the titles because I've actually retitled some of my episodes, because in this whole process, one of the things I've learned about is you want to make sure you have good titles for your episodes. Some of them were too poetic before and vague. So I think it was uh causing people to um not discover the podcast. At the same time, I don't want to steer into clickbait tour territory, but you know, um, if you go back to that episode, there uh there's a lot of emotional moments for me. It's almost like a journal um quitting cannabis and missing my son, and um, you know, all the all of the grinding adventures on DoorDash. I really captured a lot of them, especially on my anger episode. I think that one's called Why I Flipped Off a Driver 45 Minutes After Meditating. But, you know, honestly, where I'm at right now financially, I'm actually doing okay. Um I'm still I I still have to grind a lot with DoorDash, do a lot of hours, but I feel good. I feel like I'm in a strong position. I'm you know, I'm staying ahead of the bills barely, but I I feel good knowing that they're taken care of, things are gonna be okay. I am uh still looking for a job. I have a couple of leads, and it might they might lead to uh potentially a uh position in which I can work full-time 40 hours a week and afford most everything, and then maybe I'll do a little DoorDash on the side till I can get promoted or whatnot. So I I think there is some light at the end of the tunnel in regards to my grind, and there's always gonna be a tension between my creative dreams and keeping the lights on, and I think this is gonna really help me balance that. It's gonna open up a little bit more freedom. The idea popped in my head uh a little over a week ago, and I noticed there was this feeling of relief that I didn't have to have an episode out every Thursday at 5 a.m. I could still make episodes and probably even better ones too, if I just released myself from that deadline. The reason I kept it so long is just because I was afraid of stepping back into procrastination. But I had the realization that I love doing this. I can't wait to record the next episode, edit it, get it out there. So it's a process that I've really come to enjoy, especially when I'm able to talk to people. And my first 30 episodes, even though I've only got five interviews, it gave me time to really practice and hone the craft. So I think I'm at a place now where I'm really confident at my ability to record, edit, and uh produce these episodes. So, you know, you might hear an episode every other week um once in a while. Um, or you might hear an episode um, you might hear two episodes in a week, you know. I don't know. It's gonna be interesting to see how this changes things. I do know long term looking forward, the podcast obviously is not going anywhere, and uh I do want to return back to a weekly format, possibly more. I've always wanted to do like two episodes a week if I could, but I think one episode a week has been pretty comfortable for me, and I want to r I want to return to that that firm schedule of Thursday mornings, but in the meantime I I'm just gonna open it up and just give myself a little more space so I can handle my real life busy stuff. In regards to not taking ourselves too seriously, I have this little story. It's a um it's about a samurai and a monk. It's a famous Zen koan attributed to Hakuen Ikaku, if I said his name right. It hails from around the late 1600s, possibly 1700s. It's a Japanese Zen master, and I have this rendition of it here I'm gonna read you in a moment, but it really I wanted to read it because I I I've known this Koan for a while. And I was just looking back, you know, at 30 episodes, and especially the last one I did with my dad. My dad used to be a really intense guy, very strict, and watching his life change and his heart sort of melt from the struggles that he's gone through and some many of them imposed on himself, it just this this ko-on really hearkened back to a lot of the stories my dad told on the last episode. And it reminded me that heaven is a state of mind. It's not somewhere you need to travel to, it's already inside of you. So let me read it to you, and then we'll shift into the after party. It says, the ko or the koan goes, A samurai once approached the Zen master, Hakuan, and demanded, Tell me, is there really a heaven and a hell? Hakuan looked him over and said, Who are you? I am a samurai, the warrior replied. You a samurai? Hakuan scoffed. What kind of lord would have you as his guard? You look more like a beggar. The samurai's face flushed with rage. He reached for his sword. Oh, said Hakuan calmly, so you have a sword? It's probably too dull to cut off my head. Furious, the samurai drew his blade. Hakuan looked at him and said, Here open the gates of hell. The samurai froze. He understood. Ashamed, he sheathed his sword and bowed deeply. Ah, Hakuan said softly. And here open the gates of heaven. That's the funny thing about you, you've always had a big sense of humor. You know, I would say most of the time, you just like laughing and smiling. I love to laugh. Yeah.

Grant 12:35

I love laughing. I love to see people happy. Yeah.

The Afterparty

Jacob 12:38

Yeah. You have a big appetite for laughter. All right, all right, all right. Here's that after party I promised. This is me and my dad about two hours into recording episode 30. Completely off the rails. Enjoy. Today's episode of Standing Nowhere is brought to you by Tiger Paw Tires, where the rubber meets the road. These tires are forged from the steel fires of the rubber goddess Robatra. I'm just kidding, folks. I'm trying to make an interesting ad so that you will at least give these tires your attention for a few moments because they are made by the hardest working people out of Wisconsin. They work in the cold, they have families to support, they could be on the street at any moment, and they depend on you buying Tiger Paw tires. So, yes, I am playing the guilt card. I tried to go the comedy route, but it didn't work. So we're going with the guilt card. If you do not buy your next set of tires from this family's tires, they will be on the street. So if you're okay adding to the homeless population simply because you didn't care to remember to select tiger paw tires, I don't know what to say to you, okay? Look, this is where the rubber meets the road. Not just literally but metaphorically. You need these tires. Support this family. All right, we're back to the show. My dad has uh collided with the microphone here. I did the best tiger's pot tiger pot tires commercial I could. Where the rubber meets the road. Starring Tom Gunn from Bob Cruise. Tom Gunn. I like the lyrics in that song too.

Grant 14:51

There's nothing you can't say that can't be sung.

Jacob 14:53

Exactly. And that that ties into what we were just talking about, how there's no junk in the universe. Like everything you can think or say, it's all been done before. And if you read Proverbs or Ecclesiastes, he says there's nothing new under the sun.

Grant 15:09

Hallelujah.

Jacob 15:10

It's all been done before.

Grant 15:11

It's all been done before. Everything. Everything. Yes. Great point. Richard Alfred. I am not a crook. See, this reminds me of, I forgot in our last interview, we talked about peace, and great peace I had as a child, even though uh something, you know, I knew there were all families have issues and what have you. But I I was around seclusion a lot. And you know, just unable to socialize. Well, like yeah, I could sit in a forest and just contemplate. I could hear birds, I could see squirrels, I could see the rabbits, whatever. Now all around me, it just reminded me, God, it was there.

Jacob 16:02

So you you were blessed with a quiet uh solitude of a childhood.

Grant 16:07

Yes. Oh, don't get me wrong, you know, as years progress, things, you know. But by and large, the years on Orcus were um it was beautiful. And it taught me to count my blessings and be appreciative. If you have appreciation for things, you're just easier going with things. Things don't bounce off you as much, you know. So I just love the fact that I was able to grow up there. I I'm I'm very it's a gift to be able to have nothing. That's why I was able to go to Maui and yes, I did work the whole time, but I also had time off, and I would get out in the jungle, and I just, you know, it was beautiful.

Jacob 17:02

That was good. That's a greyhound.

Grant 17:06

And when I opened the door, he said, hadn't you find an hadn't you better find another job?

Jacob 17:14

So wow, that's fun. Just because you went to go work out in the morning?

Grant 17:19

Yeah. What? Yeah, but I set it up with the secretary. Uh what was her name? Uh forgot to tell him or something? Oh no, I I don't know. I don't know if she told him and he got mad or she just forgot, you know. So Wow. So it was a shocker. So I thought, okay, what now? So I walked uh about 10 feet to the next door uh of business and uh offered uh my services and I was hired to drive the dragon wagon. The dragon wagon. Yes, the dragon wagon was a glass bottom boat bus that we would go up to Kannapali and pick up the tourists. I I used to live on Maui, and uh this is the way I talk, you know.

Jacob 18:05

So did you put on a fake accent for all the time, really?

Grant 18:10

Yeah, yeah. No way Yeah, it was a wonderful, yeah, it was fun. I I was actually trying to uh develop uh uh for acting and that type of thing. Biff Tannan. Yeah, God bless America. I just want to say one thing, remember? Yeah, just want to say one thing.

Jacob 18:31

God bless America. Why you you wanted these things? You want them, you gonna have them. Oh, you walk on the door! Walking off you! Walking off you that's a great we should go watch that movie.

Grant 18:56

All right, how about King of the Hill? Can you do a voiceover of uh Bobby?

Jacob 19:14

I wanna dance. I don't wanna play football. I can't do it. Not gonna play football. Yeah. You're gonna sell propane and propane accessory. Gonna carry on the family legacy. It's always about the family legacy. I got some donut holes coming out of me right now. An irregular one. Are your bowels backed up? You need donut holes. With a thermos full of coffee equals a bad morning experience in Phoenix. That's gonna leave a stain that will not come out.

Grant 20:11

Why even the bear claws didn't stick together?

Jacob 20:14

You'll need bleach to wash the hair.

Grant 20:29

Oh my. I have a question for you, Jacob. So remember the first time we went on a sled ride? Oh my gosh. You and me were on one sled and Jacob or uh Jacob. Jacob's dad, me, and with Mike Repovich and his daughter. That was rough. And we were going down the hill. I was on the back, and we went airborne. And Jake we came down only to find Jacob's foot under the rudder. We ran over it. It hurt. Which one was it?

Jacob 21:03

We went airborne several times. It was my right.

Grant 21:06

Didn't we cut it off and sew it back on?

Jacob 21:09

Yeah, like the whole the whole weight of the sled came down on my ankle as we were coming down. So my dad's weight, my weight, all of my little ankle. I was like, what, 10? Yeah.

Grant 21:21

Maybe. Oh ja.

Jacob 21:24

Yeah. Looking back, it wasn't too bad. I just remember how cold it was at that time. Oh my gosh.

Grant 21:31

That must have hurt, I'm telling you. I'm so sorry, but it was fun. It's one of those dumb things you can't stop.

Jacob 21:38

We were flying down the hill, too. Man. It was like dad, he got these like metal uh sleds, you know, and they were just brutal. We were like a bullet train. I was little, I was like, you know, getting tossed around and stuff. It was funny.

Grant 22:00

Listen, my child, and you shall hear the midnight riot of Paul Revere on the 18th of April in 75? Hardly a man is now alive who can remember this favor famous ride, one if my land, two if I see, and I at the opposite shore shall be to spread the alarm to every village Middlesex and farm.

Jacob 22:19

Alright, closing closing wisdom for this after party podcast. Dad, you're 69 years old. What is the most simple, uh, true, profound advice you can give to anyone listening to this podcast, right? It could be Trent, it could be someone middle of their life, could be someone on their deathbed. You know, you got everyone listening to you right now. What would you want to impart on them?

Grant 22:46

I just want to say there's a uh gracious, loving Heavenly Father out there that has plans for us. That hell was not intended for us, but rather for Satan and his angels. Dark angels, fallen angels, excuse me. But the world is a great place, and he is coming soon, so let's be ready and help us to be willing to be willing. Because he loves us and he has a plan for us. Hallelujah.

Jacob 23:17

Hallelujah. Amen. Amen. Thanks for being on the podcast after party death. Thank you. Love you, Jake. Love you too.

Music Singer 23:26

My ego stuck on like a bad tattoo.

Jacob 23:35

So you guys get blasted, go to the movies, and just eat and listen popcorn. I can just picture you guys high as kites shoveling down the nice salted popcorn. Just can't get enough.

Music Singer 23:48

I lose this pesky meat. From the Dharma to non-Mark stops. Oh, there it goes.

Jacob 24:11

If you don't die, you get a handicap sticker.

Music Singer 24:28

So if he was skinny, he would have been dead.

Jacob 24:32

He'd have been road killed.

Music Singer 24:35

I said, screw this diet. My life is a dream. And now I'm meditating on cookies and cream.

Grant 24:48

This is economic alliances with the World Federated Tr you know, on and on hearing that voice.

Music Singer 25:05

Now I'm broke as a joke, but my mind is at ease. Turns out the best things in life are all free.

Grant 25:16

I never seen a guy who could suck down a party bowl like him. Really? Oh yeah.

Jacob 25:25

Like a box, like a big box. He had a four footer.

Music Singer 25:28

Oh I'm out here driving to an early death, trying to stay present and be with my breath.

Jacob 25:46

Because when you say hit by a semi-truck, I'm picturing a pumpkin exploding or something. Well, how many people would say I got hit by a semi-truck? Nobody. Now you can get diabetes and clog your arteries at the same time.

Grant 26:05

Oh, it's fun to laugh with my son and my daughter-in-law, Audriana and Jacob. This is a wonderful time. This has been a great experience, Jacob. Um, you're so professional. It's it's amazing to hear you speak. Really? Yes. Worship me more, please.