7. Body Image Story: Reconstructing More than My Figure

In this powerful episode, Mel Selcho takes you on a journey of transformation as she prepares for a life-changing surgery. With humor and honesty, she reflects on how cancer reshaped her relationship with her body, turning past insecurities into a celebration of strength and survival. From embracing her "perfect" stomach to rewriting the story of her lymph nodes, Mel invites you to rethink how you see your own body. Don't miss her reading of a heartfelt letter to her body, written at 40, and get ready to be inspired to see your own body like never before!

Transcript

And that fat I'd been growing , it got a promotion. 

Turns out I've been wrong about something. This probably isn't the only thing for 52 years.

  Today. I'm sharing my journey in body image where cancer has truly been both and opening doors for a relationship. I never knew I could have with this body and showing me limitations in my attempts to love and accept it.  I recorded this episode the day before my big surgery. This week I got the, "go live your best life, you don't need to see me" Release from the amazing surgeon who put Humpty Dumpty back together again.  I end the episode with the letter I wrote my body when I turned 40.  It tears me up a little to read how innocent and thoughtful I was then.  Take a listen. 

Today I am being delighted about something that is not usually delightful to people, and that is the thought of the ICU.   Yes. The intensive care unit at a hospital.  In between now and when you hear this, I believe I will have spent one night there. 

 I'm so grateful there is such a thing as an intensive care unit isn't it fascinating?  I have a planned visit, almost like a reservation I am having surgery that's going to leave a part of me that needs attention from a nurse to make sure that it is recovering. And that nurse needs to be able to pay more attention to me than they would if they were in a med surge floor. They would not have the resources. 

I think it's the original version of scaling a business really, really intentionally.  Think about how effective it is to provide different options for people at different levels of service because not everybody needs the same level of care.

Everybody needs to be treated well.  But not every patient needs intensive care. In fact, if you don't need it, you for sure don't want it. You don't want to pay for it and you don't want people bugging you all the time. I however, for that one night, day, however long it is, I'm going to be so grateful that somebody besides me is making medical decisions about me. 

 It's a really awesome thing that exists, and I'm so grateful for whoever thought of it  and whoever they presented it to that. They were like, yeah, let's do it. I'm grateful for the nurses who have studied and practiced their mad skills who are going to be able to help me.  I think it's just all fascinating.  

This reconstruction surgery is the final phase of treatment.   I didn't know if I was going to make it to the final phase of treatment because I had a very aggressive and late stage cancer. And so I'm beyond grateful to be alive and be able to embark on this part of the journey.

That is not lost on me. Also, I've had a few.  Minor complications like convenience type complications that have pushed the surgery back a few times. And so I'm  like, okay, let's go. I'm so ready. I get to feel excited. Sprinkled with a little bit of nervousness,  but mostly excitement, 

 I had a double mastectomy and , if you want reconstruction, they don't do it  then if you're going to have radiation, because they don't want to radiate what they reconstruct because radiation kills things like cancer. So they put in these  tissue expanders   I call them Barbie boobs because they are hard  and  sort of stick up and out exactly like Barbie. 

What's beautiful about the diep flap is they are going to literally transplant  part of my stomach, what they call a flap, I call a slab  up into my breast. Now, there are several choices for people and this is the one that I chose and I'm so grateful that this is an option. It hasn't always been an option for women and I will be honest, I live in and at a place where it is an option for me.

 I'm going to embrace the choice and I'm going to experience it to its fullest on behalf of those sisters who didn't choose their cancer and didn't have all the choices in their reconstruction either. 

  I'm going to be cut hip to hip in my lower abdomen.

And they're going to take like this slab of fat, no muscle, fat and skin and arteries and veins.   And they're going to reattach those arteries and veins to the chest arteries and veins  in the hopes that they will take and  then I will have my own tissue acting as my new breasts.

Isn't that amazing? 

I've done a lot of work on my body image I am a lady of the eighties. When I was growing up, and I'm not saying this is all changed now, I'm hoping it's changing. But when I was growing up, you had a flat stomach or you had a wrong stomach. You were thin or you were trying to be thin. over the years I did a lot of hating of my body and then I've recently done a lot of work  to love it and accept it. 

 Love caring for it  instead of resent caring for it.  I feel like I've come a long ways  I will say that cancer, as awful and evil as it is,  has opened some extra doors there for me. I have a appreciation for my body.  I never even knew I could have.  I'm loving my body quite a lot.

It's done a lot of healing and I just keep telling it how grateful I am and I read it. It's scan results  and I wink at it in the mirror and  I'm really feeling like I love my body. But I will say that  my stomach has always been the area that I have had the worst part of my relationship with.

Last week I realized I hadn't come all the way yet because I had this really fun experience. I'm going to share it with you 

so I go in for my pre op I've met my doctor, you know, she's done several surgeries for me, but she's going to have an assistant for the surgery because it is so intense. And so she brings him in. He's never met me or my body before.   I am standing there in a open robe , so she takes my lower abdomen and like cups it in her hands and like kind of moves it up and down a little bit, gives a little tug. And she looks at him now, mind you, this is my first meeting with him. I'm not even like, hi, I'm Mel Selcho.

And she looks at him and she says,   isn't this perfect?   I was like,  I've never had that thought  of all the wonderful thoughts I've had. Like I've been like, I'm so grateful to use stomach for expanding to give me my kids, but I've never had the thought stomach.

You are so perfect.  It just stuck with me. I was like, you know what?  My stomach is right. My mentor and coach Jody Moore offered this thought about bodies, that our bodies are always right. And I've been playing with it. Here it is. My body is right. My stomach, all those crunches were never meant to flatten it. 

My stomach has been doing the right thing all these years, . I'm going to give you one more example of that ,  I had cancer in my left breast and then lots of lymph nodes.  All the way up into my neck   because of their distance,  some doctors said I was stage three, some doctors said I was stage four. 

And so I resented the fact that my lymph nodes had cancer. They failed me like  every time a doctor would say something, they would be like, and we think this will work, but you know, your, your lymph nodes went all the way up to your neck. Like they kept reminding me of it almost like this is a reason it might not work.

And so I was like, you know, those, those lymph nodes. And I remember talking to my coach about it and she said, you know, I really just want to stop you. Cause I've heard you talk about your lymph nodes.  In a derogatory tone a couple of times,  and I'm interested in, if you want another perspective, and I was like, of course, and so she said,  the job of your lymph nodes, like the waste system  and so things that your body doesn't need go out through the lymph nodes and. , they're part of like the disease fighting. I don't understand it. She explained it much better than I'm explaining it, but essentially my lymph nodes were meant to catch that cancer and get rid of it, but it was so much that they couldn't get rid of it. 

Thank God they held it until I could get some extra help. And they swelled and they showed me a sign that they needed help.  And ever since she said that to me or whatever she said, that's how I interpreted it. I have just been in such a love fest with my lymph nodes. I'm just like, "You did your job and I tried to tell you that you weren't doing your job right, but you were actually doing your job right. And so thank you." So there was another instance where my body was right.   

Thinking of this reminds me of a letter that I wrote my body.  When I was turning 40, so a little over 10 years ago, I really think it's both fun and cringy to go back. Loving.  40 year old Mel Selcho in all of her naivety, and also all of her deep awareness.  So I'm going to read this to you with a few side notes. It's heartfelt.

And it's cringy.  If you haven't written or talked to your body lately, then that might be the takeaway that you want from today.  Dear body, we have a pretty big day coming up tomorrow. This was again, the day before my 40th birthday.  It's been a long time since we talked old friend.

 I hope you still consider me your friend. I've known you from the moment I was a twinkle in my mother's eye, and we've been through thick and thin, literally and figuratively together.  Can I put in a request for a little more of the latter in the literal department? 

Okay, there's our first cringe moment.  I could pick you out of a lineup any day, just seeing a hint of you. The freckles dotting your cheek, the distinguishing mole gracing your finger, or the scar marking your back.  I should probably start with an apology. Side note, I probably should still start with an apology. 

I'm not sure when I decided you were an object of my hatred. When I was young, I believed you'd do anything. Be anything that we could conquer the world and look damn good doing it.  But lately we've had that kind of relationship where I'm pushing, demanding and judging while you put up with it at times more silent than others. 

I have judged your worth by a number from the size jeans, your curves pour into to the telltale digits. Staring back from a scale,  I've spent years feeding you ingredients. I can't pronounce subjecting you to a demanding schedule and stress, despite your repeated attempts to help make. To help me make you better,  you cry out and fatigue sickness and injury, and I still ignore you adding it as 1 more way.

You failed me.  I will say again, side note, I've come leaps and bounds in this department.  I've chosen to be disgusted at the roundness of your stomach rather than odd at the five children it stretched to accommodate  and the millions of belly laughs  that rumble from its depths. 

I've scolded you for legs too slow, eyes too squinty, breasts too small, hair too flat, skin too moley, arms too flabby, brain too deficient, and entire being too needy.  I've given the mind all the glory, choosing it over the instincts and cues you continue to send it.  I've blamed you for everything from heartbreak to heat exhaustion without stopping to see my part in it. 

Then I talk about how we're leaving a new decade.  And I'm starting to see these parts differently, so I think that would be fun for you to hear.  I want to see what you've given me. Those slow legs have carried me hundreds of miles running, never once giving out. They take me for walks on the beach or spend hours supporting me in fancy heels, which they still do.

Thank you, legs and feet. I love you. They even held the cable as I left off that 14 story bridge at time. I When she jumped in New Zealand,  those squinty eyes open to see the world. They close to protect me from overstimulation and to guide me to my inner visionary.  This next one is making me tear up a little bit.

The breasts too small are part of what make me feel like a woman,  offering bumps and curves in my clothing and making my silhouette sassy.  They spilled milk, reminding me of the miracle of creation and prodding me to feed those precious babies I birthed.  I will add,  they also let me know something was wrong with my body and it needed attention. 

My breasts literally saved my life. 

My moleridden skin allows for hours spent in the sun, soaking up vitamin D, a beautiful coloring, and a precious sense that all is right with the world. It stood as my first line of defense,  protecting me from the burning rage of fire that fateful day in October,  and leaving me the scar as a reminder of its loving sacrifice. 

So I go on to talk about how,,  I know that we're not young anymore and that I want to be friends  and I talk about the healing. I had been able to watch with x rays and that's so cute because I'm like, bless your heart.   You're going to see a lot more healing later.  I plan to spend our time loving you gracefully. I plan on hearing you out through moments of meditation, noticing the daily miracles of pulsing blood through my veins and drawing the breath of life without so much as a thought  from me. 

I plan to push you with new adventures. You haven't tried before dancing and daring, sailing and surfing, racing and reading, and I will continue to show you tough love when you try to use your nervousness to stay in the comfort zone.  Mostly, I plan to celebrate you rather than denigrate you. We make a pretty good team, you and I.

And I've returned to the idea that we can be anything, do anything and look damn good doing it.  That is my  past and present body blessing.  I wish you body blessings and go win your day.

Wow. It's fun to hear how both enlightened and naive I was at 40. Still am today. I'm sure.  Today's takeaway challenge is what I call the doozy.  It's to think about something that's a challenge and see how it might be calling us to expand our capacity, maybe for uncertainty, acceptance. Surrender. These are all very tough words.  

This isn't a blame game or trying to gloss over it. It's more adding a dose of maybe cautious allowing to the mix.  And it's something I admit I don't do very easily or willingly.  How might this challenge belong  even if it's hard, ugly, and we don't deserve it? 

  I'll see ya.