Ep 89 - Bling Me To The Church On Time

Ever wonder what it costs to book a rockstar to sing you into matrimony? Spoiler: it’s more than your house. In this week’s episode of Jackalope Tales, Charles and Lisa wade through the diamond-studded swamp of celebrity wedding gigs—where the only thing more uncomfortable than the vows is the paycheck.

Charles dives into the surreal fever dream that was Elton John performing at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding—a union so strange it practically summoned the antichrist. From liberal icon to right-wing serenader, Elton pocketed a reported million bucks to croon “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” to a crowd that probably couldn’t.

Meanwhile, Lisa unpacks the equally cursed tale of Adam Levine and Maroon 5 getting flown to Paris to perform at the wedding of a Texas heiress who hates Paris. The band, the Eiffel Tower, the floral arrangements—none of it matched the vibe, but the check cleared, so Adam sang like his rent was due.

We’re talking unholy unions, musical mercenaries, and the kind of rich-people nonsense that turns wedding receptions into pop-up Coachellas.

💍 It’s love. It’s capitalism. It’s Jackalope Tales.