Weeks 42-43: Pop Quiz

In which the podcaster gives you an unexpected assignment.

LINKS

The cut-up lines on the episode logo are from the poem “Final Exam” by Nancy Lambert, taken from the anthology Practising Angels, ed. Michael Mayo, Seismograph Publications (1986). You can find a digital copy of this terrific collection here on the Internet Archive. 

Alien (1979) on Wikipedia (this entry is just for the first film of – currently – seven, along with crossovers and books)  

Gloria Gaynor, “I Will Survive” on YouTube (3:15 version – with lyrics and roller boogie!) 

Check out INeedANewPledge.com for New Pledges of Allegiance

THE NEXT POD WILL BE CAST ONE WEEK FROM TODAY ON SATURDAY, APRIL 5. 

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Transcript

MY 12-MONTH VIDEO FAST 

EPISODE 28 – WEEKS 42-43: Pop Quiz

This is Richard Loranger and welcome to Episode 28, covering Weeks 42 and 43 of “My 12-Month Video Fast”. 

This episode is, among other things and per its title, a Pop Quiz. Weren’t expecting that, were you? Well it wouldn’t be poppin’ if you were! What’s it gonna be about? Was there something you were supposed to remember? Is this making you anxious? Good, because this is the tough love episode, and it’s about damn time. And I do love you, unreservedly, each of you, individually, even on my misanthropic days. It’s an emotional propensity I have, somewhat of a burden, really. I can’t really help it. I tend to welcome and embrace people from the first – until they stab me in the neck, that is. Call it a character flaw if you like. I know I do sometimes. As a group or a species, though, I’m not so sure. And how does that work? I’ll leave that for some other time (or not). But I’m not messing around here, and you might not like everything I have to say, so hang on or hang up.

You heard that right – you are in a sociopolitical Pop Quiz right fuckin now, and here’s the hard part: you have to come up with your own answers. No hints. No cribbing. No phones or devices. No walking out – not even for bio-breaks. No cheating. No AI. No ChatGPDoodoo. We might even take away your pen and paper and keyboard, or somebody else might. Cause that’s how it goes, baby. That’s how it goes these days. That’s how it spills the last can of beans, that’s how the old lamp topples.

We’re living in fucked-up times, no question there. But these aren’t unprecedented times, regardless of how many pundits punt that descriptor around. These current acerbic, pugilistic national and international “politics” have arisen and played out time and time again throughout history. Remember: THIS IS NOT OUR FIRST HATEFEST. In fact there’s been a plenitude, a cornucopia of them globally in the past hundred years alone. The fundamental quandary and gameplay are always quite similar: one faction values all life regardless, the other doesn’t.  At least that’s the simplified version. And because the peaceable faction does not generally wish to harm others (which might be a tautology, I know), the violence tends to go mostly in one direction – until it doesn’t.

Another card the aggressors love to play most freely is fear. It’s almost an implicit reaction in those under attack – yeah that’s you – your agency, your language, your choices, your loves, your identification – until you’re feeling exposed, endangered, and it doesn’t take long for the horror to get heavy, maybe off and on, maybe non-stop, and you shudder, you’re afraid of giving in to it, afraid of the fear itself – so FUCKING STOP IT.

You hear me? I’m saying this because I love you – I told you and I meant it.

So,

STOP BEING AFRAID.

SURE YOU CAN. 

FUCKING DO IT.

Because this is a Pop Quiz called “I Will Survive” – but it’s also called “How to Remove an Alien Facehugger without Really Trying.”

Yes, I mean those horrific creatures that wrap themselves around your face in all the Alien movies. Those facehuggers. And I know not everybody loves horror movies and I totally respect that, but I’m going to talk about them for a few minutes and especially if you don’t like them, I want you to listen.

[SOUNTBITE: FACEHUGGER ATTACK]

Most fear aficionados who are familiar with the Alien films (are there any who aren’t?) will agree that the creatures are exceptionally terrifying and…alien – a crablike thing that attaches to your face and shoves a tube down your throat to keep you alive (and worse); a baby dinosaur that rips its way out of your torso; and huge insectoid adult forms with raptor-like claws, armored skin, extensible inner jaws, and (as everyone knows) concentrated acid for blood.

But what makes them really frightening is how familiar they are. I’m focusing on the first movie, Ridley Scott’s Alien from 1979, which established the mythology and phylogenic basis for the species, that, however expanded upon they get in terms of look and gory expertise, remain essentially the same throughout the franchise.

The creature may be unfamiliar in appearance, but its behavior is deeply recognizable. The facehuggers essentially rape their victims (notably first with a human male), impregnating them with their offspring through the gullet. The chestburster form, clearly named, kills its host during birth. And the adults of course become the ultimate predator (not to be confused with the cross-franchise Predators with a capital P), consuming their victims along with other organics as well as metals, and worst of all ensnaring live victims to be kept…for later…as incubators. Ick.

It's those relatable and intimate violations of the body that really bring the horror home. That’s reinforced (and made even creepier) by the life-cycle, reproductive, child-bearing, and maternal aspects of the theme and imagery. The unfortunate explorers encounter the species upon entering a crashed, organically-shaped spaceship through a hole at what looks like the crux of two limbs. The egg chamber is always hot, dark, and moist. And, if you follow the series, you’ll find that the appearance of the adult creatures always morphologically resembles their hosts.

All this to note, for starters anyway, that threats to the body – pain, disfigurement, mutilation, death – make a terrific petri dish for fear. Threats to the mind as well – psychological horror, with its gaslighting and shifting realities, is a big genre in itself. And of course the concepts and imagery that underlie the horror in film – be it a cleverly conceived alien or an imagined psychopath or hallucinations or kidnapping – are taken from this world, if distorted, enhanced, recombined, exaggerated (sometimes). The difference – which might be obvious – between body and psychological horror films and physical and psych warfare, is that you choose to put yourself through the former (or not), and the other is inflicted upon you and you have to deal with it. But – BUT – there’s an important similarity. Though the danger in the latter situation is real, the fear in either case can be dismantled. Think of it this way: should you find yourself stuck watching a monster movie that you’d really rather not, you can always chant, “It’s only plastic, it’s only plastic…”; when confronted with fear in the world, you can recognize it as a tactic meant to disarm and weaken you. And you can work toward dismantling its effects as well. And I can tell you this because I fucking suck at it – really – confronted with physical threats from another human, my first reaction is to fetal and whimper. So it’s an ongoing effort for me as well. That’s why some years ago, faced with a similar nation-veering-out-of-control conundrum, I wrote this, which is called “New Pledge”.

I pledge allegiance to the mind
of the united seers of wilderness.
And to the psychosis we’ve left behind,
I say,
You are fear.
You are useless.
Evaporate, once and for all.

And sometimes, here and there, it’s helped.

Which is not to in any way suggest that there isn’t abundant cause for fear. There is. People are being dragged away from their families. Whole families are being rounded up, thrown out of the country, disappeared. Trans persons are being forced to carry IDs and passports marked with genders that they don’t even resemble, let alone identify as. (I hope someone is writing letters to whoever’s in charge of Canadian border guards to ask them for understanding when such a person approaches, to increase the chance of receptive and maybe even welcoming crossings there at least.) The Republican Party, who I’ve heard are now calling themselves the Nazi Party, are slashing funds for food stamps, food banks, Medicaid and critical health services, education, housing, and social security, and that’s just for starters – not to mention doing everything they can to make inflation worse. And they’re sure as hell not doing that to lower the national debt. They’re doing it to starve us out and sick us out, while they build more luxurious bunkers against the imminent catastrophe brought on by their insatiable greed and insane overproduction. Now there’s a perspective. Just a thought, really. And of course we can’t let them. Which means that, just for starters, the disadvantaged and underprivileged and marginalized will be entering a period of austerity, possibly severe, in which we’ll need to take care of each other – be it food, medical, housing, whatever – and which might be best approached by being armed and alert. And by “armed” I don’t by default mean offensive artillery (though I know there are some who can’t imagine another kind), because defensive weapons are armaments as well, which would include anything that might lessen the effect and injuriousness of their campaign of deprivation and terror. At this point I’m still without sustainable employment and my savings can be expressed as “in the four digits,” meaning “in the thousands”, so I can’t really speak to addressing deprivation, since I’m clearly adept at creating it for myself. But I can speak to fear, which I’ve been working on myself for quite some time and which I’ve been adamantly addressing for, what, eleven minutes now.

Still with me? Anxious yet?

Good, 'cause now you get to practice.

'Cause this Pop Quiz is also called “How to Dispel the Demon Panic in 3 Minutes or Less.”

And here’s the best part – I’m not actually going to tell you how to do that. I said that from the start!

In earlier episodes I’ve discussed a bunch of ways that I deal with oppression and fear – making room for joy, being in community, avoiding assumptions, keeping myself well (when I can), being kind and allowing others their perspectives, taking a damn walk, magical thinking, setting preconceptions and harmful ideologies on fire, drinking water, breathing…and I even snuck in a little mantra earlier in this episode.

So now you don’t have to review Episodes 24 and 25 – or maybe you do – though you’re not getting a Pop Quiz on all that since I just gave you the answers. And have I even asked you the question? Have I?

How about this – here’s a damned question for you:

WHO CAN HELP YOU TO GET THROUGH A DREADFUL SITUATION IN A DREADFUL COUNTRY IN A DREAFUL YEAR? WHO?

C’mon now, it’s your fucking quiz – this is where you do the work – get those neurons barking – put some muscle into it cause it’s your turn to think – RIGHT NOW – WHO CAN HELP YOU? – and no I’m not gonna shut up cause someone’s pounding on your door and you gotta have the answer RIGHT NOW – 

[VOICES: Okay, I’ll do it! I’ll do it!]

That’s right – YOU. YOU CAN. YOU HAVE TO.

You can seek support, but you gotta do the work. So get to work!

It can be as easy or as hard as you make it – or as your state of mind allows.

If you’re feeling laid out, take a breath, pick yourself up slowly from the floor, from the bed, from the couch, and take a step. Then take another one. At least put it on your to-do list.

And if you’re already taking steps, stride on! ‘Cause there’s always a ways to go.

But keep in mind:

ALL THAT DREAD – IT’S MANUFACTURED

NO LESS THAN THOSE RUBBER AND LATEX MODELS 

AND COSTUMES AND PUPPET ALIENS IN THE MOVIES.

AND THE DREAD, THE FEAR IS MANUFACTURED WITH YOU IN MIND, 

WHICH MAKES IT ALL THE MORE INSIDIOUS. 

IT’S CALCULATED.

BECAUSE THOSE WHO DESIGN IT KNOW:

TO THREATEN THE BODY IS TO CONTROL THE MIND.

Who does that?

Assholes. 

Same people who, after taking everything else from you, want to be sure you’ve got no autonomy left.

Same diseased people who want it all.

SO DON’T FUCKING LET THEM.

FUCK FEAR.

IT DOES NOTHING MORE THAN WASTE YOUR TIME AND ENERGY.

SO DON’T HAVE TIME FOR IT!

Your time is valuable, right?

Of course it is.

Want something better to do instead?

GET ANGRY! WE LOVE ANGRY! 

ANGRY ENERGIZES AND CAN BE CHANNELED.

ANGRY GETS THINGS DONE.

Especially when taken with a spoonful of rationality. And it can be used to burn away fear and preconceptions, as our good friend William Blake mentioned in Episode 25, “Corrode to Joy” (actually in “The Marriage of Heaven and Hell”), 

“as corroding fires…which in Hell are salutary and medicinal, melt apparent surfaces away…”

Anger, used well, can cut through the murk and muddle to leave you incisive, decisive, sharp.

Fear, on the other hand, is murk and muddle. Fear is stupid and fear makes stupid.

Here’s another mantra of sorts that addresses just that. I didn’t write this one, and though you’ve heard me recite a comedic version of it in Episode 19, “Clean”, here’s the real thing, the “Litany against Fear” taken from the beginning of the great speculative novel Dune by Frank Herbert.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. It is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

I’ve found that one to be of use in the past as well, and in fact on January 20 of this year I printed that text on 100 little cards for people to keep with them. And I’m due to print some more.

So maybe you could recite that, or make up our own fear-killing mantra, or New Pledge to affirm that for which you do feel allegiance, ally-hood, with which you feel aligned. (There’s a website right now collecting lots of New Pledges – see Episode Notes for details.)

But whatever you do, it’s up to you:

KNOW YOURSELF AND ACT.

Because the time to act is now.

Which doesn’t mean you’re on your own, like I keep saying. Get support. Dispel fear in community. Take yoga classes! Go dancing!

But whatever it is, IT’S YOUR JOB.

Figure out what works for you.

And here’s your assignment:

LEARN TO QUELL YOUR FEAR, THEN GET IT DOWN TO 3 MINUTES.

THAT’S YOUR TASK.

THAT’S YOUR REAL POP QUIZ.

THAT’S YOUR FINAL EXAM.

AND FOR THAT, YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN.

BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN,

BY YOURSELF, ALONE,

BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN YOU’LL NEED IT.

It’s okay to have a stopwatch. Maybe find a song of the right length and have it on hand (or on ear).

Remember at the beginning of COVID, Gloria Gaynor put out a YouTube teaching everyone how to wash their hands for 20 seconds? Like so:

[PLAY GLORIA GAYNOR 20 SECOND CLIP]

And whaddaya know, there’s a version of “I Will Survive” also on YouTube that runs 3:15 – that’s pretty close! (Look for that in the Episode Notes as well.)

Now I’m curious – does three minutes sound like a long time or a short time to you? 

If it sounds long, you’ll always be surprised when it’s over so quickly.

If it sounds short, please know that a lot can happen in three minutes, including, just maybe, dispelling fear.

And to illustrate that right here and now, what three minutes is and what it can do, I’m going to finish this episode with a poem I wrote [CRIT VOICE: Oh no! Turn it off now!] [MOI: Oh shut up.] … called “3 Minutes”. It’s designed to take exactly three minutes to recite, and among other things it’s about three minutes of time. Here it is.

3 MINUTES

I stand on a broad flat rock, 3 minutes of my life – of what?  3 minutes – a few dozen breaths, if you’re counting, several dozen heartbeats.  A few billion nerves firing.  A small brown feather fluttering across a field.  Slow drip of an old sink.  My life – my what?  3 minutes waiting in a room.   3 minutes watching the tide come in on a stony beach, listening to each wave crash like a heartbeat, like a long, slow breath.   3 minutes of an engine running.   3 minutes of an exquisite cantata.  

I stand on a broad flat rock, an outcropping really.  3 minutes.  3 minutes of nothing.  Time an invention of the mind, if you’re counting, and probably not what it seems at all.  3 minutes thinking about that.   3 minutes of bone pain, of absolute grief that lasts a year.   3 minutes of orgasm, pleasure-pulsing right out of your body, then slowly sinking back in.   3 minutes in the presence of a loved one.   3 minutes waiting in a room.  

I stand on a broad flat rock, an outcropping high above a valley, late at night, well past midnight, full moon at my back and glimmers of aurora borealis flickering across the north sky, flickering just these moments, a few dozen breaths, moon behind in faint mist hemmed by a ring of rainbow this really happened, Milky Way hanging brilliantly in the West against darkest space, silent, and the stars shift imperceptibly, I mean the earth, if you’re counting, and the slightest hint of dawn comes in from the East and dims the spectacle, and that’s it, it’s over.

~     ~     ~

So there’s your tough love episode, with a little present at the end. I thought you could use one. Was it tough enough? Was it long enough? I hope so, because we’ll be done with this podcast after five more episodes, and I didn’t want to leave you without a loving spur in the flank.

The next episode drops one week from today on Saturday, April 5. For that one I’m planning and will hopefully pull off a special episode with a montage of inspiring snippets and clips, bits of monologs, songs, and poetry of top-notch humans just saying NO to assholery. 

This has been Episode 28, covering Weeks 42 and 43 of My 12-Month Video Fast.

Let me thank you for listening. NOW GET TO WORK.