Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton

Ep 5 - Louis CK and My 2nd Open Mic

• David Walton • Season 1 • Episode 5

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In Episode 5, we explore the gap between greatness and growing pains through two contrasting performances. First, David attempts to channel Louis CK by performing one of his most controversial bits word-for-word, examining how master comedians tackle difficult subjects. Then, we dive into David's second-ever open mic performance, complete with brutal self-analysis, important lessons learned, and the painful realization that making up stories isn't as funny as telling the truth. It's a raw, honest look at the early stages of learning standup comedy.

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Speaker 1:

Hey, welcome to Starting Stand-Up. My name is David Walton. Thank you for being here. Today's very special episode has two it's a two-parter and it's a comparing contrastor. First, we're going to take a new segment where I imitate a great stand-up In this case it's going to be Louis CK, and I do a three or four-minute set of his word for word, and then I'm going to share my second open mic with live analysis, more like live self-loathing, and you can compare and contrast. It'll be a fun episode, a short one, so if you've got 10 or 15 minutes, why don't you just hang in here? Oh man, that's rubbish. That's rubbish, hey. So this is a new segment. I'm calling it the imitation segment, and it is going to be me writing down famous stand-up acts, Ones that, particularly, I find to be mesmerizing. The one I've chosen to start off with is a 2017 segment from Louis CK's special I believe you can find it on Netflix and it's about abortion, and so I think the magic of standup, the thing that's drawn me to it the most is. It seems to me like standups are the only people nowadays who can actually talk with some freedom about these very controversial subjects and unify people. So, wherever you stand on these issues. When a comedian is operating like Louis does in this standup special, you're laughing, and both sides are laughing, and I'm sure there are people that aren't laughing and don't find it funny, but there's something very comforting about taking this very controversial subject of abortion and getting a stadium to howl howl. And if I will try to find the link, but just Google uh, netflix 2000,. Uh, net Lucy K, netflix, 2017. And I think it's the opening bit, um, but anyway, I'm going to say his words. Uh, in the same way, in the spirit that Hunter S Thompson wrote out the great Gatsby on his typewriter, to feel what it's like to do a great standup act. Um, louis CK is one of my favorites, if, if, if not mine, I think he's the goat in that stretch he had where he was doing a new hour every year of just incredible material, just so, so hard. So, anyway, um, thought like I might as well imitate the best of the best and wherever you stand on it. I hope this doesn't offend and it's not my words if it does so there you have it. But cool exercise, and whatever your artistic pursuit is, whatever your creative endeavor, imitation is a really cool way of getting started, whether it's writing, painting, even acting. We all try to act like Marlon Brando sometimes don't all right, talk to you later, um. So I think abortion is uh. I uh okay, here. Here's. Here's what I think. This is, this is what I think. This is what I think.

Speaker 1:

I think you should not get an abortion unless you need one, in which case you better get one. I mean seriously, if you need an abortion, you better get one. Like don't fuck around and hurry. Like not getting an abortion you need is like not taking a shit. That's how bad it is. It is like not taking a shit. That's how bad it is. It's like not taking a shit. That's what I think.

Speaker 1:

I think abortion is exactly like taking a shit, 100% the exact same thing as taking a shit or it isn't. It either is or it isn't. It's either taking a shit or it's killing a baby. It's only one of those two things. It's no other things. So if you didn't like hearing it's taking a shit, you think it's killing a baby. That's the only other one you get to have, which means you should be holding a sign in front of the place they're killing babies. No, I don't think it's killing a baby. I don't. I mean it is it's a little bit killing a baby, it's 100% killing a baby. It is totally killing a whole baby.

Speaker 1:

But I think women should be allowed to kill babies. They should be, they should be allowed to kill babies. We get to kill babies. Let's do shots and kill some babies. I killed like four babies last night. It was fucking retarded. I just, I just think it has to be one or the other. Blah, blah, blah. He says some more things, okay, and then he goes.

Speaker 1:

Two reasons there's two reasons why women should be allowed to kill babies. Number one I don't think life is that important. It's just not. It is not. People get too excited about life. Oh oh, oh life. Fuck you, fuck. You Make a list of every shitty thing ever that is in life. Like life is okay.

Speaker 1:

I like life, I like it. I don't need it. I'd be fine without it. Do you know how much I like life? I don't need it, I'd be fine without it. Do you know how much I like life? I have never killed myself. That's how much I like it. That's exactly how much I like it. Just, I mean, I've thought about it. I'd be killing myself. You know, I'm 49. I have two kids. I mean I flipped through the brochure a few times. I mean I've thought of killing myself just to win an argument. I mean you should be able to talk about it.

Speaker 1:

Suicide, you know, the whole world is made of people that didn't kill themselves. Today that's who is here. People are like, oh fuck, I'll keep doing it. You know, and that's the interesting thing, like life can be very difficult, sad, upsetting, but you don't have to do it. You never have to do anything because you really don't have to do it. You don't have to do anything. You never have to do anything because you can kill yourself. All right, that's all I have so far.

Speaker 1:

But I chose a very controversial one. But that's not mine, that's not me, nothing to do with that. But I think it's hilarious. I mean the guy took one of the most controversial issues in America, in the world, and just made a giant crowd of people die laughing. I mean I was going fast, almost every one of his lines was getting laughed and he was just destroying that place. It's just so impressive. It's like Mount Everest. I feel like I'm at the bottom of Mount Everest. I really do.

Speaker 1:

And then I started noodling into Louis CK's life and he didn't start hitting until he was 40. And he started when he was 17. So he was 18, 22 years old that he was grinding and it's like he found he had kids and then he found this cranky phase and that's when he started exploding and he was saying that he was on Theo Vaughn's podcast and he was saying that there literally wasn't a venue that wouldn't sell out in a minute. We're talking like Wembley Stadium, like they couldn't find a place in the world that he couldn't sell out immediately. I mean, he was so massive. Anyway, much respect, all other things, all creepiness or whatever side. We all have our demons. Louis, if you're listening, I love you, man. All right later, hey.

Speaker 1:

So this is, uh, my second open mic and this is going to be a little different than louis ck. This is uh at the empire comedy club in portland, maine, and, uh, I would say that I'd learn some big lessons listening back to this. So much, really big ones, which I'll share at the end, after I loathe myself throughout. Okay, stand by. David walton, everybody, jwalton, everybody.

Speaker 1:

So I love to journal. Do you guys like to journal A little bit? My God, okay. So the second. I listened back to my first open mic and I was like God, I'm such a spazaz and I'm all over the place, like let me be like cool and collected, like yeah, like let's be chill. And here I am super low energy and I'm like, hey man, you guys like to journal, like I'm a fucking oh, it's like the worst vibe. And this poor girl I remember as empire comedy club and this poor girl is like like oh, this horrible opening, and she's trying to get me to feel okay, just giving me the tiniest, saddest little. Oh, bless her heart. So there's a great journal prompt every time I do a stand-up set.

Speaker 1:

I just want to give you something I'm going to take away and it's um, it's a question. You say what? What advice would my 80 year old self give me right now, you know, which is, in my case, 35 years from now? So at this point, if you haven't made anyone laugh and you're just this low energy and this chill, you better be building to something huge, some huge laugh. It can't take this long. You need to get up there and immediately start showing them that you're the boss and that you got them and that they can relax.

Speaker 1:

My 80-year-old self, I do it all the time he's a wise wise man. He really is, but he's starting to act like a little bit weird and so, like today, he was like I want you to write a letter to your mom and tell her you love her and I want you to hug your kids I got two kids. He's like I want you to hug your kids eight extra times. And then he's like and then I want you to hug your kids eight extra times. And then he's like and then I want you to go to your wife in the kitchen and I want you to. I want you to bend her over the sink, pull her hair and fuck her while she's doing the dishes and say you, little slut, I'm gonna help you with these dishes, bitch, okay, relax.

Speaker 1:

Like what just happened is such hack material. It's basically like I'm all this mellow guy and then I turn to this like creepy. Well, I am talking about my 80 year old self being a pervert and that's an interesting premise, but it's, it's just, it's just wrong. It's not funny, it's just wrong. It's not funny, it's hack. What the fuck was I thinking? What were you thinking, dude? But you got to go through this stuff, man. This is how you learn. And I was like whoa, whoa, whoa Sort of came out of nowhere.

Speaker 1:

And then he started talking about venery. Have you guys heard this word, venery? Oh, it's a beautiful word, it's an old-fashioned word and that's why he uses it, because it's an old-fashioned word and I got the definition right here. It says venery and you look it up, it says the pursuit of or indulgence in sexual pleasure. And my 80 old self all of a sudden is all about that and I don't know what's going on. I don't think he's getting any ass in 2050. I thought that was a funny joke. My, my, you know, my, that my 80 year old self isn't getting much ass in 2058 must not be because he's so horny. I don't know, I don't know. So he's so anyway.

Speaker 1:

So he tells me to journal and I'm like, and he just, he wants me to venery the shit out of my wife and uh, while he tries to do the dishes. And I'm like oh man, like I don't think, I don't think that's gonna work, like, and he goes, look at me in the eyes and I'm like dude, I, I can't, I can't look at you, I'm like channeling you while I write, and he's like, on this page I have like bold lines where I think people are going to laugh. And no one's laughed at any bold lines, so that's pretty cool. Okay, we've got a moment here. We've got a moment. It's my first bad joke where I admit that it didn't work and everyone chuckled. And there's the lesson. Huh, we don't have to. We can always get the laugh by admitting that we suck. It's a little bit of a cop-out, but that was the first time I ever just admitted that I sucked and then everyone relaxed. Good little lesson there, anyway. So he's like trust me, man, she's going to fucking love it and don't be a pussy. And I'm like, dude, 80 year old, 80 year old self is very aggressive and really bro. But um, but he is wise. You know, he's been through a lot, he's had a lot of experience. So, um, so I do.

Speaker 1:

I text my wife. I said like, uh, hey, sweetheart, are you doing the dishes? And she's like, uh, yep. And I'm like well, I'm having a little fantasy. I was just wondering. Like you know, I kind of want to bend you over the sink while you do the dishes. And I see the bubble and I get all excited. And then she's like are you serious? And I'm like, yeah, my future 80-year-old self is telling me we should do this. I give a little wink emoji and she texts back how do I divorce your 80-year-old self? And I'm like, well, that's kind of hot, like a little resistance. And then she's like you need help. And then I'm like, all right, well, I'll get help after I help you with the dishes. And then she's like you're an idiot. And that's pretty much how almost every text I have with her ends, even if she doesn't write it, she's thinking it. And oh, I'm done.

Speaker 1:

I have another great story about me being an idiot. But we'll do that next week. Bye everybody, thank you. The husband's the idiot. Yeah, there we go. The husband's the idiot. Good one, dave. That's a great.

Speaker 1:

That's some real original material. You fuck you idiot. Oh, I'm an idiot. Yeah, my wife thinks I'm an idiot. What are you doing, idiot? What are you doing? What are you doing? Find something better to talk about these poor people, these charity laughs. You're getting Alright. The big lesson. When I listen to that, the biggest thing that pops out to me is that it's not true. I'm not telling some story that actually happened. I'm sitting down to write and I'm going oh, this is weird. Yeah, a horny 80- 80 year old self from a journal entry convincing the actual human to try to bone his wife is funny and I'm chuckling there. And then when I go and do it and listen back, it isn't and it's also.

Speaker 1:

Maybe someone could turn this into something that's stand-up. I think I have to be very clear with the premise. The premise would have to shift into something like aren't therapists the worst? They're always giving us the dumbest exercises and they all backfire on me exercises and they all backfire on me. You know, my therapist told me to write my 80 year old. You know, write a letter from your 80 year old self to your present self and this is what happens.

Speaker 1:

And then I would go into it, but I wouldn't like harp on it. I would go so fast because basically I took two minutes to say a punchline of the 80-year-old self wanting to bend my wife over the sink and being a horny guy in 2050. I have to just get to that and if no one laughs at that, then you're screwed. But you also have to like get into that in a way that's not so jarring, like I'm just like this nice guy and then I start talking about like it's weird. It's like when I'm up there I don't think I'm being that crass or I just don't think it's coming off badly, and then when I listened back I'm like it's just so ick and so that's good. It's really good to keep in mind.

Speaker 1:

I think it's a greater note that I rely on swearing and I rely on kind of shock stuff too much and that I need to find new ways into things. I enjoy a swear word, I enjoy a well-placed fuck, but, excuse me, I do have walking pneumonia. I don't know if you can tell from my voice. I'm currently at the Residence Inn in East Rutherford, new York. Don't ask me why, no, but I'm about to do an open mic in New York. I can't wait for this podcast to be fully caught up to exactly where I'm at. Things are getting a little. Things are getting wild.

Speaker 1:

The basic idea is that I have been obsessed with just sex stuff, which is a very normal way that people start. It's a normal. Call it a mistake, but you got to go through this stuff. My friend, kevin Christie, had the uh, the metaphor of like pushing the shit out of the pipe to get to the clear water, and that's a lot of what this stuff is. You just got to do 20 open mics just to make all the mistakes and experience them yourself. They can tell you them in the book, but you just got to go and see how it doesn't work and then your mind goes okay, I need, I need to go new, new directions.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, my premise was murky. I was way too slow. I got a motor through setups, get to some, to the parts that I I think are going to be funny, and I get to just be way more true, like what, what am I doing up there Making some story about that didn't even happen, about some journaling with my 80 year old self? Like, get into the real things of my life, real things that happened. What are you doing? What are you hiding? All right, um, thanks for being here. I have had pneumonia all week and so this was a little shorter one, but I hope you enjoyed and I thank you for being here and we'll see you next week. We're gonna. We've got some really cool stuff coming up, a lot of special stuff coming up, just getting bigger, bigger, bigger. Oh my god, this thing is going to wild places. Stay tuned Later.