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Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton
This is an audio journal of actor, David Walton (Fired Up, New Girl, About a Boy, Bad Moms, Power:Ghost) as he builds a standup comedy set in public with the help of comedians and friends. New episodes every Thursday.
Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton
Ep 9 -Majandra Delfino aka My Wife- The Interview
David asks his wife to point out his flaws so he can make fun of himself on stage. She jumps at opportunity.
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This is a first. I sat down to create this incredible episode of Podcasting Genius and my theme tonight was to explore self-deprecation. Now I've been shaming and being very hard on myself, what I think is very funny when people do it. I was at my mother's 80th birthday an incredible celebration of her beautiful life. One of seven children I'm one of them we all celebrated this incredible life of hers and around 2.30 in the morning, extremely drunk. We got to the podcast and my oldest sister said you're too hard on yourself. I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. Like, celebrate your wins, you know. And I said you're damn right, I'm going to celebrate your wins, my wins. And so I was thinking about that and the irony is I'm going to celebrate my wins but I'm going to do it by being self-deprecating.
Speaker 1:So every single comedian I've ever listened to usually I would say 95% of them start with some self-deprecation. Of course there are people like Anthony just sell Jessel, nick just sell Nick who have this persona of like the hyper cocky misanthrope. But barring that, barring me, walking out like dr Rick which is an old movie I did is like the biggest cocky douchebag on earth, I think. Generally, starting with something that's funny about how you look, sound, what you do, uh, puts the audience at ease because it's like, okay, this guy's laughing at himself, it's okay to laugh at him too.
Speaker 1:The problem, of course, is that there's so much, it's so hard to find anything that's wrong with me. So I'm bringing my wife up. I've just called her, I just texted her, and she is coming up to tell me what I can use, what my weaknesses are. Because if you're married, you know, you know that no one knows you better. Know you know that no one knows you better. No one knows all the shit that's churning through your brain better than the person that you have vowed to spend your life with. They know every side. So I cannot wait to hear about I just I am inviting my wife to tear me to shreds in public. Please stand by. Oh man, that's rubbish, that's rubbish, that's rubbish. So I have you on the podcast, mahondra, because I'm very having a really hard time figuring out what's wrong with me.
Speaker 2:You know that I can make fun of what a thing. What a way to start. You can't find faults, none, oh, and so I've been like for seven months.
Speaker 1:I've been journaling and being like, trying to answer the question what are my faults? And I can't come up with any are you serious? Yeah, you clearly don't listen to the podcast you've, uh, you've come to the right place yeah, exactly okay, so is that what you need from me?
Speaker 1:so I had this eureka moment as I sat down to record this stormy Wednesday night and the podcast is coming out in a few hours and we like to fly by the seat of our pants here at Starting Stand Up, and so I sent up the wife signal and it was really wonderful how quickly you answered.
Speaker 2:Well, you were like can you come here and you know? Point out my flaws yeah, I was like can I come right now?
Speaker 1:yeah, you really were.
Speaker 2:You look so excited yeah, so here we go um first of all, do you think I'm likable? Is that in your question? Well, are all the questions going to be like fishing questions? Do you think I'm handsome.
Speaker 1:How good looking exactly. Do you think I'm likable? Do you think I'm funny? Do you love one to ten? Scale of one to ten. How good looking, do you think. Do you think I'm likable? Do you think I'm funny, do you?
Speaker 2:love me. Okay, are you asking these questions? What's happening?
Speaker 1:Do you still love me? Oh my God. Okay, here we go. You have never seen me do stand-up. You have never listened to the podcast because it's too uncomfortable, which I understand.
Speaker 2:You have asked me not to go watch. You do stand-up and you even had. We have a very dear friend in common who is the reason I'm surrounded by all this beautiful art in the room I'm in.
Speaker 1:Kevin.
Speaker 2:Christie, Kevin Christie, and he even sent me a by accident sent me footage of you doing stand-up and you asked immediately that I not watch it.
Speaker 1:I felt shame.
Speaker 2:Correct. My point is that you're encouraging me not divorced him after hearing his stand-up because it was bad, yeah, because it's like completely changes the person.
Speaker 1:I think they were dating, but it was, uh, it it's someone, you know, I won't, I won't reveal him, but basically he was early in his career, he had just started dating this girl and he really wanted to be a stand-up and he brought her to a show and he could see from her eyes.
Speaker 2:Is he married to her now? Yeah, yeah, okay, what does she do? Is she in the biz? No, the show biz. No, exactly.
Speaker 1:So I think that's a different thing, yeah right, you're used to me fool of myself and doing shameful things, so it's it's what you're saying is it shouldn't be that big a deal also.
Speaker 2:Just stand up is a very a holy grail of like balls right, you so it's held to a different standard in this home.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, you did. When I first said I was doing it, you, you did respect it. You started to respect me as a human for the first time. Um so so tell me uh, not knowing what I'm already like, do you have any ideas of what my persona should be and what are the areas in which I could poke fun at myself up there?
Speaker 2:I think, and you know this is a tough. This is tough because it's layered.
Speaker 1:Sure is.
Speaker 2:I think one of the things that's so amusing about you, that made you stand out to me, was your obsession with being likable, completely juxtaposed with this like cruelty, like in a funny way, you know. Like you have this 80s villain side to you, that's quite funny in my opinion, especially when you're in tennis whites.
Speaker 1:You know, it's exactly.
Speaker 2:Lena Dunham. The great Lena Dunham was quoted making this observation about you.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:She said I have never and this is, you know, not the exact words, but it was I've never seen someone say such douchey things and make them likable.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you Lena, I remember that. Uh, I was on the show bent and I played kind of a arrogant he was a, he was a good guy, but I guess Lena liked the show. I believe she said she wanted to marry me.
Speaker 2:I said you them you did actually.
Speaker 1:You didn't you tweet her.
Speaker 2:I'm also quite I'm not sure if it was bent. Maybe she was a fired up fan david, no, it was bent um, but yeah, I think that that's what's so funny about you is how like just double popped collar douchey guy, one of your best what is your definition of a douchebag?
Speaker 1:let's start there, because there's many different ones, and I I you often have different definitions of words than me well, that's like a very douchey thing to say right there.
Speaker 2:Um, I would say a douchebag, your brand of douchebag what do you consider a douchebag? There's like a few things like a like a weird, like put on deep voice. You know like you got to have like the few things Like a weird, like put on deep voice. You know like you got to have like the physical things right, what's up, man, how you doing, yeah, you got to be like look a certain way, you know.
Speaker 1:be like hey, I want you to read at my wedding. Like carry myself, I want you to read at my wedding yeah, chad meme, kind of yeah, chad tuckett chad tuckett yeah yeah but I'm not chad tuckett am I? You're not but I think that part of you like is making fun of it, and then you're slowly becoming it yeah, well, I can certainly act like a chad tuckett sometimes, although the chad tucketts of my day are different than the chad tucketts now.
Speaker 2:It just seems like no, chad Tuckett is proliferating.
Speaker 1:It's all of an evolution, yeah but it just seems like it's everywhere. You know bros Bros just being so bro-y on video.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like, this is what it is.
Speaker 1:Bros in the past used to not ever want to videotape themselves being bros, and now everyone's just bro-ing out almost like trying to be famous bros, you're just sounding like an old bro who doesn't understand.
Speaker 2:you know that things are changing.
Speaker 1:I am an old bro.
Speaker 2:But you, just you're like a person who my teeny, tiny Lacoste-wearing Venezuelan cousins would watch in a movie and like, try to imitate. Oh.
Speaker 1:You know. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, and you know, because there's obviously a language barrier there, so they don't realize that joke's on them.
Speaker 1:But you understand. No, I definitely kind of understand. You really don't huh, no, no, I mean, I get it. In a way, I do, I understand. Now. You said there's three parts to douchebag. That's one.
Speaker 2:Right. So that's, you know the voice, the way you carry yourself, Just for the record.
Speaker 1:I want to say this is really enjoyable right now. I'm very much enjoying this and from your facial expression it seems like your experience is the complete opposite.
Speaker 2:Well, one, I'm like in a corner in the room and I feel it's also just, you know, in a room by yourself.
Speaker 1:I'm in your office and you're at your office desk, so I have not for anyone listening, I'm not your office and you're at your office desk, so I have not for anyone listening. I'm not pleased to enter, no, but the exit is behind you. Yeah, I am blocking your exit.
Speaker 2:As I'm describing why you're a douche, you know it's dangerous, but yeah, so there's that. That's the physical, that's how you sound. And then the thing of like you know this is the thing about douches is they're good, like right when you're like what a douche. He knows when to like sweeten up and get like a cute twinkle in his eye and you know sincere.
Speaker 1:He can yes, he can switch between douchery and sincerity and earnestness yeah.
Speaker 2:So you're like, oh, is he just the whole? Oh, he's actually a really great guy I see, you know yeah and that you do very well.
Speaker 1:It's very funny I can fluctuate, okay. Okay, that's interesting. So is there a third element, or is just sort of the body and then the ability?
Speaker 2:to. I mean, there's so many elements to a douchebag, you know, but yeah.
Speaker 1:But I think it's overused at this point, to the point where I don't know what it means. Right right, right right you know, it's sort of like if you were to read a film script and be like you know jimmy, you know chad tuggett douchebag. There's like the saturday night live version of that and then, in many ways, all dude you're you're a boston douchebag.
Speaker 2:You're you're a boston prep school douchebag okay there. That's what, if I had to, you know three words in a script I don't think you are david. You look like you're about to cry, but that's when you, when you let yourself go there sure it's very amusing okay, great, so it's how I, it's how I landed you.
Speaker 2:I got you because of my douche no, I liked you because you had sort of like a secret, you know dick van dyke thing like oh yeah, what was the dog you think I'm? Like yeah, marmaduke, marmaduke and then it's a clumsy complete spastic idiot.
Speaker 1:No, marmaduke was lovely didn't marmaduke, just completely trash because he was so tall oh, but I think he was like uh, I think he was a complete mess. I mean, right, I never really saw it, but he seemed to be causing a tremendous amount of problems for his owner anyway, I just think he was in the wrong place, that marmaduke thing I always was insulted by, but I let you keep saying it because I love you so much um well so anyway, mark, no guy wants to be considered a marmaduke, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And I and I, uh. But but there was another one. It was marmaduke. And then, um, what else? What was the other?
Speaker 2:oh, dick van dyke, dick van dyke yes, um, because you just seem to me like you were going to be someone who's like, wakes up and is just like I'm so lucky man I'm, you know, like, look at this face, look at this body that you know more or less. I mean, come on, and that thing of just like a Dick Van Dyke.
Speaker 1:Right, I didn't watch Dick, but he was just a happy guy, yeah he always found.
Speaker 2:You know the comedy and things. He was a comedy writer. I think you have it in you to be a celebratory guy, but you feel like you don't earn it and that's just not how it works, you know.
Speaker 1:Oh, you mean I self-sabotage?
Speaker 2:I think you feel like shame in being happy with things, because it's like that's not how the princeton boy, like you know, whatever the fuck gets great at rowing, and it's like who cares you mean?
Speaker 1:you think I have to be in pain in order, I believe I have to be lashing myself and in psychic pain in order to succeed yeah yeah, I'm getting better at articulating your thoughts with my words. No no, I think it's really important, all kidding aside, to be able to articulate what the other person is saying, because a lot of times, Just another way of no.
Speaker 1:no, we have been in so many what I would say avoidable arguments, because I'm not doing that and I think you mean something, and now I'm getting upset by something that I think you mean and you didn't mean it. And if I just made sure I was receiving information correctly, most of the unpleasantness could be avoided. And that is why this podcast is morphing from a comedy podcast to a relationship therapy podcast. Mahondra say more.
Speaker 2:I would like to say that say more is a wonderful segue into. We had a couples therapist who fired us and you say that. I'm telling you, david, you're fired not like that because she's lovely and the best there is out there, and but she was just like guys, it's the same thing. And she did say to you that you need to say less.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, I'm happy to report that what our therapist said 11 years ago it's the same thing I'm happy to report is still the same it's the same um, and that's the name of the new podcast that we're launching, the same thing called and uh you'll. We'll be sharing our relationship problems, uh, to world, and the digital universe will become our therapy, for free, hopefully, with sponsors. Now, that's a joke. Working on my jokes. You haven't laughed, I've noticed. You haven't laughed once at anything I'm saying.
Speaker 2:There you go. You got to laugh. I did read that. That was like a thing before you marry someone, like you know how they're. Like you're going to person ill, they're gonna smell. Whatever. You always read the same thing, but it did say this one which stood out was like it said uh, the same recycled jokes, as you know. Another thing to pile on there of just like wanting to murder the person after a while yeah, and I thought that was very, very profound and very true.
Speaker 2:you know, when you're just always hearing me say like the same, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Marriage. I mean, what is it 13 years now? So it's like we, when we have a lot of older couple friends, you know, and you can just see a wife just like watching their husband's shtick for the one thousand two hundred eighty seventh time and just being like completely dead in the eyes while everybody chuckles. It's so funny. To me it's so funny and sad and trash moving on whoa I had a little chill.
Speaker 2:You got a tick back to me, back to me um, we haven't really gotten anywhere.
Speaker 1:What you're trying to say is my persona should be douchebag, but I should keep people on their toes and and get kind of real and sensitive at times it's just so tricky because I would say, my, your persona should be who you are, just usually most stand-ups, or they are who they are, just exaggerated a bit right, but like you don't, especially in this climate, you don't want to go out there and be a fucking monster that's what I mean.
Speaker 1:I mean like I could double pop my collar and I could roll out there and be like what's up, bitches? And then just be like I'm a douchebag.
Speaker 2:It's not even that guy. See, you're making him more masculine, not that you're feminine, but meaning you're making him like a meathead. This is not a meathead oh, it's a non-meathead douchebag.
Speaker 1:This is.
Speaker 2:You know, I have an 80 cream I use at night rich douchebag exactly.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay, we're getting somewhere, we're getting more specific, but he's he's not rich, right he?
Speaker 2:but he looks up to that he's rich enough. He's rich enough, he's, but he's gonna he's gonna get a two-door bmw the minute his show gets picked up right, but he's gonna exude top.
Speaker 1:He's gonna exude top one percent. People are gonna say are you a walmart walton?
Speaker 2:and he's not gonna deny it, even though he's going to exude top 1%. He's going to exude top 1%. People are going to say are you a Walmart Walton? And he's not going to deny it, even though he's not. Yeah, you know I hear you Got you.
Speaker 1:That's interesting. Okay, so you want me to be a rich douchebag?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, on stage and then. So now how?
Speaker 2:It's not even. Yeah, I know what you're saying.
Speaker 1:Look it's this is subtle thing we're talking about a deep character here.
Speaker 1:But you're what, what people are noticing, like kevin christie, who we're going to talk about, who's give you the artwork in your office, like he was. Like I did a comedy store open mic which I haven't shared with anybody. I I think back on it and I shiver with shame because I wrote the whole five minutes in a car, like an hour before, and I was just like, yeah, I'm gonna do this new thing on feces, because that's what Kevin said to do and I did this bit about fecal filiacs and another word for fecal filiacs is being German and I just started ripping on Germans. I thought that was a pretty good joke and we did get a good laugh right, but um, but it's like, not authentic to like no, and it was all absurd.
Speaker 1:It was just this kind of like I kept thinking of weird things to talk about that no one ever talks about and everyone just is like looking. It was all just about how.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just bombastic yeah it's just saying things that you don't think anyone's ever heard and thinking that'll be enough. Anyway, my point is this Kevin afterwards was like dude, you need to write jokes. And I was like, I was like he was very nice about it. We had a nice dinner at a canner's canner's, the famous deli in LA, anyway and he said, uh, and you may want to cover up your arms.
Speaker 1:Now, for those who don't know me or ever meet me, I I am, um, I have these weird outsized arms like where sometimes if I'm working out, my arms get like as big as my legs. I look like some weird chimpanzee and I remember one of my nephews watching me play tennis. He's like uncle dave looks like a chimpanzee and I and I was hunched over like you know, like, like, and so I, he's like, cover those arms up because it makes, and it's like this weird, mysterious thing where I think people want they don't. They're not on your side when you get on stage. Maybe at these like family, these open mics, they're a little bit more, but like people are judging you immediately how you look and they're gone. Who is this guy?
Speaker 1:think he is, this guy thinks he's funny, and so kevin's point was like, just don't like, don't like, show off your bod in any way but then you see, you know, eddie murphy rolls out in a skin-tight leather suit, just looking so sexual and but he's such eddie murphy but eddie and eddie and I are so similar. You know what I know mean.
Speaker 2:No, but like Kevin Christie is, so Kevin Christie Right right Like he's not this like malleable thing. I mean he is because he's a great actor of our time, yeah, but he really does have like a persona.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Just on his own. And this is what I find so interesting about you is that I feel like there's the persona that you were brought up to feel you have to do, which is always like I'm gonna disarm you and just prove that I'm just we're just the loveliest, like oh, like cocktail charm party yeah, just like we're, you know, barefoot and chill and uh, you know. But it's like then you're the same guy that like walks down the street on large font. It's like, uh, homeless people, you know you love telling that story because it was listen.
Speaker 2:I'm a person who is obsessed with homeless people and that got me what do you mean?
Speaker 1:it got you. What does that mean?
Speaker 2:because it was. So. It's like here's this guy who's really nice and is concerned with you know, seeming nice and is nice, you know like, spends his time being like a good marmaduke to everyone, but like he just has, he feels put out by homeless people, certain situations.
Speaker 1:I think everyone can relate to certain moods where you're like no, you go the seventh homeless person asking you for something you're like.
Speaker 2:Okay, like you said you go, what am I supposed to do? Like, do I stop? Every time it was like a neurotic musing, but it's like the opening line was oh, homeless, you know it just.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it got you laughed it made me laugh so hard. The cruelty. I think you've always laughed at sort of accidental cruelty.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's almost like a childlike cruelty. Yeah, like when a kid is like that guy's fat and you're like Jesus.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah. Cruelty, yeah, like when a kid is like that guy's fat yeah, and you're like jesus, yeah, yeah, but in a certain circumstance you're like it's so pure of spirit, exactly, and you did always think I was a very earnest person who had a good heart, you know yeah yeah, which has changed dramatically well, that's what's funny to me about you.
Speaker 2:Is that you've, you've done such a great job of like imitating the douchey like guy who, like on a dime, goes to golf in the Bahamas with a bunch of guys from Yale that you've like become.
Speaker 1:I don't have Yale friends Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Sorry, harvard, there you go that you've kind of become that guy. You know what I mean. So it's very funny to me Like you have had full, like baby fits in front of me, that I don't pay enough attention to you and that I'm mean to you and you're like in full tennis whites, you know yeah, I mean, but you're just so judgy of tennis, you know.
Speaker 1:I love tennis but you, you, you, yeah, you're very anti, anyway. Well, this isn't about you. We can talk about you and on your stand-up podcast, this is about me. We need to stay focused. Um, so what have I learned? Let's sum it up we've learned it all now. Uh, I would say that I'm more confused now. Um, I don't know where we stand.
Speaker 2:I don't know if I thought this was about your stand-up comedy no, it is, I'm just teasing, I'm just making dumb jokes okay no, I think.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you what I'm struggling with is that you need something very quick. You know 30 seconds, hey, how's it going? Everybody and in this first 30 seconds you have to define who you are and obviously you have the visual thing helping. So if you have a lot of people are just wearing non-distripped clothes, right. So you need you need to make them laugh right away, and and that that can easily happen when you just make some clever comment about some reality in the room, it could be the comic right before you said something you had an idea to play off of.
Speaker 1:That. You mention him and you get a big laugh. But you want to have something in your quiver that is loaded, that's ready. That isn't so environment related. That is generally self-deprecating and it just gives the audience this feeling of okay, that was a good joke. That's funny. This guy doesn't take himself seriously. He's laughing at himself. It's okay to laugh at him and it really lubes everyone up to have a good time and it does show that you're a professional and it and it and if you look now at almost all started stand-up. They do everyone stand-up, they all do it. They all do it immediately. They just say something that somehow deprecates themselves and sums up their style, and so that's what we're searching for. That's what I'm asking for help on. It's not necessarily a vibe and a persona yet, because that is not something you really choose.
Speaker 1:In a weird way, the audience this is the advice I've been given by many people audience kind of chooses that for you, and a lot of times that's a surprise yeah, what they respond to yeah, and what you start to lean into because you're like, oh, they really like it when I'm like this guy or that or crap, more crass or less or nerdy or whatever you know, you start to form and and you don't want to pick some persona before it organically kind of developed.
Speaker 2:Right, but you're in the process right now of having you know you're trying on a few different things, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:I would say every time I get up there and I haven't been publicizing them, I haven't been publishing these open mics, because I'm a little, there's a part of me that just wants to like kind of show you, guys a longer, guys a longer. I sort of have all this chapter of prior in the spring, a long break, and now we're back with more knowledge and we're and we're doing them and and I want to get them. I want to get them a little little tighter before I share them. But anyway, this is all to say that I'm really searching for this self-deprecation that can kind of set the tone, and what I'm doing now is there is quite a lot of uh, dirty not dirtiness like blue, but it's an honesty it's just shit yeah, just shit and piss.
Speaker 1:No, there's an old. Yeah, if it comes out of a hole, don't don't talk about it. If it goes into a hole you, can you talk about it? I think that's the rule.
Speaker 2:But any hole can take it right.
Speaker 1:Well, that's a great point, but you know what I mean. The right spirit Piss and shit is not going to be funny, but sex is very funny.
Speaker 2:Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or anal sex it's very clean sex, got it.
Speaker 1:Or mouth sex so, anyway, I'm so physically, what do you think I could? I have a lot of ear growth, hair growth, you know, like that kind of stuff. Oh, make fun of yourself physically. That's so stupid, david, but it's not Everybody does it.
Speaker 2:It's like Brooke Shields getting up there, you know, or whatever. Like me like my nose hair. Like look, you're at a deficit because of the way you look. Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:And for you to get up there and be self-deprecating and wear a fucking flannel and be like I have ear hair and like I have to hide my beautiful arms, like it's so stupid. Of course people are going to hate you. I would fucking throw something at you if I was another dude.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that's as a girl.
Speaker 2:They're going to throw their underwear at you, so congratulations. But you don't have to do stand up for that. So I would try just once. And this is what's tough, because this is what I find funny about you and I don't know that this is universally funny tell me is like you get up there, like what's his face? Just like a touch of american psycho like bateman, because patrick bateman it's the greatest good era.
Speaker 2:It's like that some I can't explain. When you just tap into that a little, when you, when you know that that's in the sauce that made this douchebag, it's just so funny to me. I mean, maybe that's what it is is like. Look, you are personally annoyed with how much you have to be careful.
Speaker 2:You know you may, he loves to joke millions of people are no, no, no, I know, but like you look right, but that doesn't annoy exactly, so that that's there. You go there, there are your people. But like you can, like I will say something about my own people and get like a weird look where I'm like, of course, because people are so nervous they don't want to laugh, and I'm like, no, no, I'm allowed to say that, whatever right, right, right, who are?
Speaker 1:your people again, the, the hispanic latins yes so like, even when you like to do this interview with an accent for the rest of the way, can I? But can you give me a little bit?
Speaker 2:no, no, do a little bit, I'm doing an accent of your people no, I know, but can I really talk like this? This is how I normally talk. No, but like you'll say, my immigrant wife to people that used to get a laugh and now it doesn't as much you are an immigrant, I know yeah. But my point you understand. So maybe that's what your thing could be. It's just like a guy up there wearing Pete's fashion, you know.
Speaker 1:Pete's fashion is a is made to measure tailor that would come into LA and we would all go get sport coats for less than you could buy and, like I don't know Brooks Brothers, it was a screaming deal because the tailors in Hong Kong obviously are, you know do not have good working conditions.
Speaker 2:David, that right, there is your logline. I mean, from comparing prices to Brooks Brothers, to sports coats, that you were in your 20s?
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I was a bachelor in Los Angeles, and, and you know, look, everyone knows that dressing properly and well, like an adult and not a college student, is going to help get you laid and so, and it's going to make you feel good.
Speaker 2:Just so not true in LA.
Speaker 1:No it did, though Everyone was getting so much action.
Speaker 2:Because you didn't know the other alternative. You never even tried to wear just a normal t-shirt.
Speaker 1:Well, we were what you'd call like an East Coast expats.
Speaker 2:Expat boarding school kids Los.
Speaker 1:Angeles. For those who've never lived there is a weird, weird place that attracts just this wide swath of some of the lowest level people you've ever met Desperate and sad and valueless, but also incredible people extremely creative, smart, fun, and in the early days you're wandering around and you're just like everyone feels creepy. I got nothing in common with any of these people. And then you find you know some people who maybe grew up on the east coast and, you know, went to boarding schools and so we started hanging out.
Speaker 2:And then you're like, oh I, I feel like I now have a crew exactly, and the irony is for most women a crew of expat boarding school guys that are buying sports coats from the beverly hilton incredibly attractive couldn't be more dangerous and feel more creepy that's now, but no, no, oh, david oh my god back then no, but anyway, the point is, your group is incredibly attractive but also really sweet. That's, that is the david walton pond right, there's a douchiness, there's a uh-oh, there's a.
Speaker 2:For sure, one of these guys put something in my drink and it's like no one put anything in your drink no they're all sweet, they're all vulnerable yeah they're all journaling and they're all journaling they're all gonna cry. One's gonna cry by the end of the night, telling everybody else how much they love yes, a lot of love, a lot of love, some ecstasy, but mostly non-ecstasy yeah, there was so much emotion, yeah, a lot of a lot, of, a lot of just being in touch with.
Speaker 1:But I have noticed that not to digress that men are increasingly comfortable expressing their love for one another, the bro love is very deep out there and that's a new thing. That's a beautiful thing that I encourage and like to see Just men hugging, telling each other that they love them. We were kissing each other on the cheek back in early 2000, and that's now much more ubiquitous, but I felt like we were early adopters of that, even though the Italians have been doing it for?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I was just going to say my people, the men kiss each other and they cry more than the ladies. Yeah, so look, I'm going to take credit for everything.
Speaker 1:We're first movers on an enormous amount of things. We've set a lot of trends in motion, um, just in a short couple years. So is that more of the vibe that you think I should be going for on stage?
Speaker 2:it's kind of a delusional, arrogant douchebag, or or maybe it's just like an aging out douche, like meaning you are frustrating but do you know what I'm saying? Like it's, it's more that thing of railing against what. Like what you're allowed to say, what you're not allowed to say, what you're allowed to do. I think, there's a lot of people that you could speak for.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, and I know a lot of people do that, but it is coming from that boarding school sect is very special.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we have digressed, but this is helpful to me because I think, ultimately, I have to speak about that. Like you know, people, ultimately, if I'm going to put together, let's say, an hour of material, you're going to talk about your life and I got to mine the comedy of sort of this boarding school sect and what prep school is. There's a lot that can be shared that is funny with the world, I think.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I mean you can just start your set explaining to people what fucking boarding school is yeah, but they won't laugh, I think no, no no, but meaning it's just like setting it up yeah and then you know in you go, I have no idea who. Who the fuck am I to say? But my point is so I I want to I want to in an ode to val.
Speaker 1:This is a shout out to val as the manager of the comedy seller in new york. She got attacked attacked violently at the 42nd Street Times Square station and recently there's a GoFundMe for her. So I will put the link to her GoFundMe in this podcast. Not that anyone knows Val, but I Would love it if people donate any amount for her health care bills that are going to be extensive. But anyway, val had said something to me as advice and she knows you know she's friends with Amy Schumer, she knows everybody and she was like just write down your life facts.
Speaker 1:And write them down, the most boring ones, just write them all down, and so I did, and I'm just going to list them for you. Okay, oh boy.
Speaker 1:Okay, just write them all down. And so I did, and I'm just gonna list them for you, okay, oh, boy, okay, one of seven kids grew up in boston, but not the famous boston for movies, the suburb, suburb, boring boston. All my sisters are all american athletes not all but two of the four, and the other ones were very good, um, you know, all-star high school athletes. My parents are not good athletes. I grew up in a huge house. It felt normal. Kids just don't understand. I hit puberty summer after ninth grade. I was really skinny as a kid. I always wished I was stronger and bigger. Girls terrified me. It was an all boys school, so girls always terrified me until I started going to school with them, but I wanted them so bad. I liked the girls that were advanced. I liked girls that advanced. You know like I liked girls that can you say this sluts. Can you say that word?
Speaker 2:or just like fast, I guess. Yeah, I like. I thought you meant like intellectually advanced no, no, I meant fast.
Speaker 1:I was always like why are these my friends making fun of this girl for putting out like that's so exciting? Then you don't have to deal with all this like neuroses about sex. You know what I mean. Yeah, it didn't make sense to me. Yeah, no no, no comment.
Speaker 2:No, I just don't understand neuroses about sex when you're young enough to you know, not have neuroses, you were huge early, early I went to.
Speaker 1:I went to Brown, which is an Ivy League school, but I was ashamed because it wasn't Harvard, yale or Princeton. It was what me and my friends would call the ghetto Ivy, because our endowment was so small compared to all the other Ivy League schools. My sisters were all goody-two-shoes and I felt enormous pressure to be good as well, like not break, not do drugs, not do all that stuff. Um, so I felt like I was really letting them down. When I first started smoking crack that was actually a joke that I wrote in. That's not true. I haven't smoked crack. Uh, I would probably do it in the right circumstance. It's been a misunderstood, misunderstood drug. Um, my dad was born in 1940. My mom was born in 1944. These are are just facts. Are you bored?
Speaker 2:No, the crack thing. I just don't think there's any circumstances where that's not going to be a bummer.
Speaker 1:We'll talk about that after a while. You're going to want more right away.
Speaker 2:That's the beauty of crack.
Speaker 1:I'll pitch a book that is called Drug Use for Grownups and it's by Dr Hart and it's an excellent book. Does he talk about crack 100? Oh, okay, well, I gotta read. He's the head of neuropharmacology at columbia, top top professor, who is open about his heroin use and he does it without any ill effect on his life anyway. Really interesting book and will make you rethink drugs, okay. So, uh, my parents were married and I think she was 27. It was my mom's second marriage and she already had two kids and she was only 26. I never got spanked, but I found out this weekend that my sister and brother did from my dad.
Speaker 1:Spanked yeah Like put over the knee and spanked my oldest sister. Yeah, and my brother.
Speaker 2:How demeaning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I never did so. Clearly something changed. My dad had a huge temper, like a scary temper, but he's a lovable teddy bear. I worked as a mani for a six-year-old boy in Hyannisport, right next to the Kennedy compound. My first job was delivering newspapers. I've worked at a camp counselor, done construction for a summer, waited tables, taught SATs. I sold knives for Cutco. I've done some extra work on a Peter Gallagher movie, played baseball and hockey for my town. I've done some extra work on a Peter Gallagher movie, played baseball and hockey for my town. I played tennis, golf and sailed and skied. High school I played soccer and hockey and I rode College. I rode for one year. I was in a sketch comedy troupe in college with the famous John Krasinski and many others called Out of Bounds. I was in an improv group called Spit in high school Stul's improv theater and I moved to new york city after college to make it as an actor.
Speaker 1:It's interesting, as I say those facts, you get this little tickle that there's something there to make. You know there's, there's things there, you know, and I think val this is an ode to val uh, who, uh, we're thinking about is. Is that's? That's what she's going for is that sometimes simple facts are interesting to people. They just want to know some little thing about you. And then, what is your riff on those things, do you agree?
Speaker 2:I do.
Speaker 1:I think well, at least things that people find interesting, that they don't know necessarily much about yeah, like any of those things it does, any of them pop out as an area of exploration well, I only know none of those things.
Speaker 2:Would I personally be like, wait, tell me more? No, no, because they're. Not that that you know foreign to me, but I have marveled at how people respond to hearing that you went to boarding school yeah they think it's a punishment which is wild right you know, that's an interesting thing. I mean, it's crazy the way people respond to that, and the way people respond to your height is like shocking. You know, it's just not something that I would consider until now, I know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think there's a lot of mining. A fun story would be when that doctor felt my balls and told me I had many more years of really, really aggressive growth Not there, just in height, not there. Yeah not there, just in height. Not there, unfortunately, just in height the balls were already huge.
Speaker 2:The ball.
Speaker 1:No, the balls were so small he was basically basically like you I, I, I went. The story goes like this and I'll say it anyway I went from five foot four to six foot in one year and so that's eight inches and he felt my eight inch dick and he said you've got a lot more years of growth now he, that's not true.
Speaker 1:He felt. He pulled my pants down and he looked at my balls and he said you've grown eight inches and based he didn't say based on your balls, but I knew that's what he was thinking you've got a few more years of this kind of growth and he goes. I'm looking at a minimum of six foot seven, most likely six foot ten, and potentially seven feet and I started crying. I was a hockey player. I sucked at basketball. I immediately envisioned myself as a freak with like narrow shoulders who looked like minute ball and would never get laid and it really, really made me upset, and so I got in the car.
Speaker 1:I was crying all the way home 12 I'm a 12 year old boy. I'm a 13 year old boy. I can't remember and my mom is like comforting me and she's like you know you, just all you got to do is start smoking a ton of pot and you'll be fine. It's not your growth. I just added that joke. You don't see that? Okay, perfect example. If I was writing, I'd be like, yeah, I'll do a little bit about my mom telling me to smoke pot.
Speaker 2:Honestly, that's like something my mother would have said, so I was like trying to suss out.
Speaker 1:No, no, but so I say that joke and I look at you, and it's for those listening at home. It's just stone-faced and I'm like, is this one of those things where I've said this joke before because I didn't think it was bad, I thought it was worthy of like a, at least a tickle of a smile or something?
Speaker 2:I got excited for a second thought that your mom really said that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're too close to it. I know you guys at home are laughing your ass off. Anyway, so the point I'm trying to make is that's a story that you can milk and it's something that is self-deprecating and I could get into as a look. I've always been insecure about my height. I know it's crazy to say everyone wants to be tall, but being tall sucks, and I could talk about the various ways it sucks. Your dick looks smaller relative to your body. Your knees hit the airplane seat you can't fucking spoon with anyone you can't 69?
Speaker 2:well, you can 69, it just can get awkward no, you have to literally do a 69 in like a crunch. Yeah, yeah, I'm constantly contracting.
Speaker 1:And then because I mean you know love 69. And so make it work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you'd have to be.
Speaker 1:It's really complicated, yeah, no, I mean I haven't done it in 14 years, but I love it, you know, and I was just looking at your face.
Speaker 2:Just imagining you and krasinski in costa rica.
Speaker 1:Just 69, I did go on a vacation with just me, and that's for another time, but anyway, um. So my point I'm trying to make is there's a run of jokes. You know we're we're riffing here, but there's, I think, what I'm gonna come away because it's it's time, it's over, uh, and will you come back on the show? Has this been a pleasant experience?
Speaker 2:sure you can have a do less t-shirt. It's a real undertaking what you're doing, david yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:It really is. No, it's a long journey but it's very impressive and really challenging yep and um.
Speaker 2:I'm so anxious right now for you oh, thank you, thank you no, it's just listen it's no joke.
Speaker 1:No, but the stakes. I mean, look if I, if I spend five years doing this.
Speaker 2:Yes, the stakes aren't real to anybody else, but it's just like it's. So it's just such a tough sort of thing to at first like understand and land on. You know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's already in failure. It know, yeah, yeah, it's already in failure. It's, I think it's. It's very fascinating. It's really hard. It sucks that you have to go and wait at open mics for an hour and a half and drive and go do them like I wish. I think I'm going to sign up for like a comedy camp and I know I was warned not to do these, but there's one in la.
Speaker 1:Oh, god, no, no not camp, but like one where you can just get you know tons of reps and have people around. But if you were recommended not to do it, then that means no, that's just two people, by the way, and the truth is I need, I know what I need and I need to be around people and I need to be in it and immersed and I need to be forced to be writing all the time and performing all the time.
Speaker 2:This isn't like golf camp, like no. I know this might just be like going to LA for an extended period of time and hanging out Just relax. With comedians.
Speaker 1:Anyway. So but yeah, I'm I. This has been very helpful. I like that I read through the facts. There's some things that I realize that I can go try out and, uh, we can keep building on it. But you know, I think my height is definitely something that would seemingly not be self-deprecatable, because people want to be tall, but I'm like right on the edge of too tall, I really am.
Speaker 1:And sometimes I feel like a giraffe. I look at a picture and I'm like I look like Manute Bull and it's like when I'm'm, and especially on, I did this show called Power Ghost and, uh, my boy, gianni, is uh shorter and than me and like we had one scene and people were just like holy shit. I, it's like Gianni looks like this yoked MMA fighter and I look like I'm gonna blow away in the wind yeah, and it's just like read yeah, just like crane yeah, it just sucks, you know.
Speaker 1:So I I still have insecurities about my height and I gotta figure out a way to to uh you know, to just maybe, maybe that's a, that's a good way to start, and then um, and, and then the air, then the vibe, the persona, that stuff that I'll wait on, but I'll certainly experiment with coming out with a bit more of a, an arrogant vibe let's just call it that, for, for the sake of the douchebag person, more arrogant, more like owning it and more like you know what this is my stage and like I'm going to go. But you know, I'll just test it Because, why not, that's what you got to do. Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. I hope you enjoyed this. I really do. Thank you, mahondra. This is as much as um, as much as we struggle to, uh, have a conversation with our kids around.
Speaker 2:It's so annoying Uh.
Speaker 1:I think we may have found a way to actually have a fun substantive conversation, because we just we just try to find your flaws.
Speaker 2:I can do this all the time.
Speaker 1:We've've got so many much, so many more to cover. But if you enjoyed this, uh, and you can find where are you pitching anything? You want to plug anything before we leave me. Yeah no, I thought you meant pitch, uh no you want to plug anything to the huge starting stand-up audience?
Speaker 2:um no, if anything, I'd like you to change my voice and say I'm a different person can you do that? No, no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm so proud to be on this.
Speaker 1:Okay, good, well, I appreciate it and I've got a Wakanichi t-shirt, a do less t-shirt, which is my mantra in life Everyone's doing too much, so yeah thank you.
Speaker 2:There's a ripping storm. How about some venery the?
Speaker 1:fuck, is that Inside joke?
Speaker 2:All right, is that your sign off?
Speaker 1:Yeah, a little bit. All right, work on that. This is genius. All right, bye, bye now. Well, I'm very pleased to report that I taught my wife very hard and very deeply what venery means. Yeah, fuck, yeah, fuck, yeah. How gross is it hearing about married people, sex, sex lives? Um, I think it's just universally gross. And I do apologize, but I have to shout out. A dear friend of mine, high school uh, named brad, and brad sent me a text message which I'll share with you.
Speaker 1:Brad had listened to my interview with Jeremy Sisto, which I've been getting a lot of great feedback from. People really enjoyed it. If you haven't listened to it, go back. It's the previous episode. I loved it. I had to listen to it to get to figure out what this week was going to be, and I usually just hear the end, you know, kind of skip through it, and I just loved it. I just love hearing Jeremy talk, and so a lot of people reached out to tell me how much they enjoyed it. So if you haven't listened to it, go on back, give it a listen. So Brad listened to it.
Speaker 1:My shout out to Brad Aston and he said just listen to the latest. It's a treat, but stop wishing us great lovemaking so creepy. But stop wishing us great lovemaking so creepy. And then I wrote LOL, as I just did. I write LOL when I laugh out loud. And I said LOL, but I do wish that for you. So much, venery Palsky, which is my little, cute little nickname. And then he writes I'm having a good laugh. And then you start cooing about your listeners having intercourse. You should do a bit about all your podcast feedback. That was his final note. Well, look at me, see that you give me feedback. We put it in.
Speaker 2:We put it in.
Speaker 1:I want to thank my wife. I want to thank her for interviewing me and for, most importantly, celebrating the power of Venery directly after the interview. Once again, I wish all of you tremendous peace, love, adventure, safety, extremely important health and always venery. See you next week.