Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton

#10 - My 5th and 6th Open Mics - Progress?

• David Walton • Season 1 • Episode 10

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David shares and analyzes the 5th and 6th open mic of his life. Is he improving? You be the judge.

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Speaker 1:

Hello, welcome back to Starting Stand-Up. Let's go. This is our 10th episode, double Digis. We've done it, we're in the double digits, we're legit. So to commemorate Double Digis, I've decided to go back to the basics Kind of this journal ethos, and I haven't shared that many open mics and I started to feel bad because, honestly, that's where the action is.

Speaker 1:

It's we're, this whole, the whole point of this thing. Let's get good at stand-up comedy. And so I'm gonna share two open mics, my fifth and sixth. I did them in april. They're the same material and you're gonna see how the material shifted and how one audience didn't respond to it at all and then the next audience responded to it. Pretty well, and it's similar material. So valuable data, and then I'll analyze it and we'll get into it.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to these amazing interviews. If you haven't listened to previous episodes, you can bomb around, but Jeremy Sisto and my wife uh been getting a lot of wonderful feedback. I appreciate it very, very much. Wind in my sails. So listen to this and then go back and explore. We've got double digits episodes, we're legit. This is a real podcast. Let's start stand-up. That's rubbish, that's rubbish. Okay, so here is open mic number five. It's the second half. What we're going to do is what we why do I keep saying we, that's the royal, we, it's me and my AI producer, claude. So we are going to share with you this clip. This is getting into the weeds. Now Get ready to get technical. I will do my best, but what we're doing is this we're analyzing, we're getting into the nitty-gritty.

Speaker 1:

Here is a bit I came up with in this idea of where I decided that my persona was going to be someone who's done too much psychedelics, someone who's taken too many drugs, and it was a way of giving myself license to talk about things that I thought were interesting. Now, this is the first attempt, but of all the open mics I've done and I totally forgot I did this, but this is where I was connected emotionally to what I was saying. Now, nobody was laughing, but when I look back, when I listen back on this, I actually like the level of energy and connection I had to the material. And if the material got better and tighter and more and funnier, I think this energy is a place where I want to be. It was full of life and full of not giving a fuck was full of life and full of not giving a fuck. And then a beautiful moment at the end where I exhibit some incredible delusion, which will be a little Easter egg and I'll say after I show it. But here is open mic number five, the second half of it, and I will then play open mic six, where I try this again and in it for a different crowd, with much greater success, but I don't actually think the performance was as good, if that makes sense. Okay, lots of exciting stuff.

Speaker 1:

You know, one of the other things that I'm having a hard time with after doing hallucinogenics is, um, everyone feels like an ape to me, like a great ape. Ape, because we are. We think we're human, we think we're special, but we are literally great apes. And so I'm walking down the street and I'm just like everyone. It's not like I imagine people without their clothes to not feel nervous. It's just like everyone feels like they're ancient, roaming across the plain people. And it's making me wonder, like what is the essence of our apeness? And I think ultimately it's one is that we lie. We lie all the time. You know what I mean. Like we're apes that lie, like we've probably all lied a hundred times today. No, like someone said how are you doing? And you're like I'm great. It's like, clearly you're not great Like some people.

Speaker 1:

I can tell, like you were crying earlier today, or I can tell even that you've got a little bowel trouble. You have to go number three. You're not great. And then that got me thinking about just shitting in general, like. And then that got me thinking about just shitting in general, like I think it's insane that we're still shitting as humans, like we have iPhones, we have computers. How have we not figured this out? We have to stop shitting. Like there are Nobel Prize winning genius physicists. There was a guy giving a speech and he had to leave the stage to go diarrhea. It's absurd. The poor guy like a sick dog in a stall, the biggest brain on earth. It's just like please, elon Musk, stop with the rockets, figure this shitting thing out. And then, yeah, and then I was thinking about how we talk to. We're apes and we talk to ourselves Like do apes? Like do they talk to themselves? Do gorillas talk to themselves?

Speaker 2:

I don't actually know that.

Speaker 1:

I don't think they do. I think we're the only apes that talk to ourselves, which is absurd. Who is talking to who? It's like dude. I saw you like right now I'm talking to myself. This is horrible. This is a horrible thing to be doing. No one's laughing. What are you? An idiot? You fucking idiot. Why are you up here? Why are you sharing your midlife crisis with strangers? You know like I'm talking to myself like that, but then someone asks me like who are you talking to'm?

Speaker 1:

like I'm talking to myself, who's I? What, wait, who's myself? Fuck you, fuck you. Don't ask me those hard questions. But then I realized that we're all. Everyone talks himself, which means that you're literally crazy. We're all nuts, we're all crazy. That's a beautiful thing. Yeah, baby, you just got to lean into it. It's fun to be crazy. My wife and I started to do it. She'll be bad at me, she'll be like you're acting, like I'm crazy and I'm like you are crazy and I'm crazy too, and that's great. And then, like my kids are in another room, like listening, just like looking at each other, like I think we need to leave. They're little kids. They're like I think we need to find a new parent. But once I realized that crazy was good, I started leaning into talking to myself and I talked to my. I actually talked to my future self. He's like 85 and I journal with him and sometimes it's like marijuana based.

Speaker 1:

But often now I can do it sober and I really have a connection with this guy and I'll be like is that one more minute? Now you're a pot. Such a good final bit. Did you give me the warning?

Speaker 2:

I gave you the one important then I give you a wonderful man Fuck this is good.

Speaker 1:

Such a good final bit. Did you give me the warning? I gave you the one at four and then I gave you the one at five. You're a beautiful man, I guess it'll have to wait, but next time I will tell you all about my dialogue with my 85-year-old self. I hope you'll come back. Thank you for your time.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Dr Josh Martini everybody.

Speaker 1:

I can promise you one thing the bit that I was so upset not to have time to do in open mic number five, such a good bit that I promised that crowd I would get to next time. Not only have I not gotten to that crowd next time, but I did it at a different place a few days later and, shocker, it was not such a good bit. But I'm psyched that I was that delusional and just feeling it, just feeling it. That was an interesting open mic because in listening back I don't think I really didn't care about the fact that everyone was just slack-jawed, like looking at me, not laughing. I don't think they even were slack-jawed, they're just like what is going on, this isn't comedy. But then I did kind of the same bit the next time and you know, hey, check it out, check it out, don't give up on stuff. This friendlier crowd, different delivery, but same kind of material. So here it is again. New night, same attempt, didn't give up on it. Here we go Everyone.

Speaker 1:

Big applause for David Walton Woo, you guys are, uh, this is a good looking crew. I gotta tell you I'm uh, I've done a lot of acid and uh, what's happened? And not like the microdosing time like the real heroic, heroic dosing. I sort of look down on microdosing. I don't know if anyone else does. It's cute, you do your little micros, but no, there's a lot of risk with it, right, and one of the risks that I'm currently suffering from is that I look at all human beings now as apes and we are right, we are great apes.

Speaker 1:

We actually are. But what's hard is that I just sort of like walk down the street and everyone just looks like they're like on the Savannah Plains. It's not like a thing of imagining people naked or anything you know. It's like you know not to be nervous, but it is like we are great apes who just have a wild assortment of clothing for purchase and that's it. It's really that.

Speaker 1:

It's the only difference. There's a few other differences, and I'm very excited about technology. I'm scared of it, of course, and I bet all of us are. But I'm scared of it, of course, and I bet all of us are, but I'm scared of AI a little bit, but like we're so animal and has anyone here ever made love on mushrooms?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, okay. Well, it can be really wonderful, but it also. It really just opens your eyes to just how fucking animal we are as humans, how apish we are, all the noises and the juices on us. I'm so sorry, but it got me thinking about technology. I'm just so pissed off that we haven't figured out the shitting problem. That we haven't figured out the shitting problem. Like there was a Nobel Prize winning scientist who was giving a speech. He invented some quantum theory just magic and he had to leave the podium to go diarrhea and he said sure that we're still having to do that, and I'm hoping Elon Musk or any of these pioneers can figure it out, because until then we really will still be apes and I'm hoping that we can somehow break free, transcend these physical limitations. The other thing that feels different than apes is that we talk to ourselves.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, I don't do a lot of gorilla documentaries, but I don't see gorillas like woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. You know, like I'm a self-loather, how many people self-loathe? I'm most stand-ups, exactly.

Speaker 1:

But I love stand-ups. I'm glad you know Self-loathing is fascinating because I kind of lean into it. I play a lot of sports and I just lash myself and then I play better. So there is usefulness to it. But it's just got to be thinking that if you are talking to yourself and now we'll get metaphysical. But obviously there's no two different I and myself it's all, it's all, it's all a dream, and so once we realize that we're all crazy, all of us, and there's different levels of, of course, but they were all crazy Life becomes way more fun, and I've explained this to my wife, with varying degrees of success.

Speaker 1:

She will be like you think I'm crazy. And I'll be like, yes, I do, but I'm crazy too. And then I imagine my kids in the next room looking at each other and being like I think we've got to leave, I think this is our got to leave. Okay, here's the moment that I was originally gonna cut it off, but because it is the bit that I thought was so good, I'm gonna include it even though it just pains me so deeply but once you're once you're excited about being crazy, you lean into it.

Speaker 1:

that's what I started to do in my life. Look, I talk to my 90-year-old future self we're talking 2065, and he has amazing wisdom. I give him a voice and everything. And I just hang in my office and I'm like what's going on, future David?

Speaker 2:

And he's like oh, hello you, precious child. Shut up future.

Speaker 1:

David. And he's like oh, hello you, precious child. And I'm like yeah, I'm just a little confused, you know life's hard. And he's like but you do not have to worry about a thing. And I'm like why are you speaking with a British?

Speaker 2:

accent and he's like you'll find out, don't worry. And then he goes. Well, this is what I want you to do, because I know you're feeling good. I want you to go, I want you to take your precious children and I want you to hug them. I want you to hug them. They will be growing old and you will be so sad once they've left the house, and then I want you to. Your parents will probably be going, passing, dropping their bodies soon, and so why don't you go to that room and tell them how much you love them? And then your wife, your gorgeous wife. She is doing the dishes. She's working her tail off and I want you to go up to her at the sink and I want you to ravage her. I want you to move her around and bend her over the sink and I want you to just ravage her and I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa. I want you to pull the valve and bend it over the sink and I want you to just pet it and I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going?

Speaker 1:

on. That's wildly inappropriate. That's my wife.

Speaker 2:

And he's like oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, it's just so dreadful. Dreadful year 2065. Everybody's just fucking AI dolls. Everybody's fucking AI dolls are everywhere. It's wretched. It's all cleaned up.

Speaker 1:

I'm really obsessed with AI and it's kinda like I actually thought that was gonna be gonna laugh, but it's fine.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but everyone is gonna be fucking AI dolls in a couple years everybody, I'm just warning you right now, including my future self, no, but in general, when my future self starts getting randy and he starts getting attracted to my wife, I can't resist and I usually rub one out. The problem is he's watching and so I have to go and send him off to another room. But we do it together and it's great. We have a good relationship. Anyway, thank you all. Thanks for being here tonight.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so let's just ignore the fact that I hit in one four minute thing the three most hack beginner topics, which is drugs, fucking and shitting, and let's just ignore that, because this crowd was responding to my material. Now were they responding to other people? Uh, I don't remember. Uh, it was obviously a warm room and probably, in listening back to all my open mics, the warmest room I've ever been in. There was about 15 people there and I think the person who was introducing knew that I was on new girl and maybe a few people in the audience recognized me, and so maybe I'm like experiencing one of those things where you know they, they, they're just so warm because they know you already, as opposed to just a stranger talking about acid, fucking and shitting, but regardless of what the reason was, there is information, there is data when you listen and you see where the laughs are. I've done a lot of acid to open up. I remember thinking like that's a nice way to start because it just cuts right to it and it may give me a bunch of leeway to be weird and not funny. Um, and I think it did. I think it does, it's effective and I think I'll keep it. I'll keep trying it, maybe as a starter, um, because it I don't know I feel like it just helps. Let people relax and be like, okay, this is going to be kind of weird and we're going to give him a break. He's done too much acid, so what's that's a? I'll call that a keeper.

Speaker 1:

The, the way of looking at people as apes. I got a big laugh on. People are just apes with an absurd availability of clothing for purchase. That one worked. Maybe expand on that idea. I could do a mind map. I'm starting to do mind maps. You write in the center of the piece of paper humans as ap and then I'll just free associate a bunch of stuff. Maybe I'll work on that and that can be a new uh test run.

Speaker 1:

And then we moved on and we got into mushroom sex, which, honestly, now we're getting into psychedelics and sex. And then I said juicy, and I felt so gross that I said I'm so sorry and the audio quality is so bad. I was so sorry for that. It was a messed up situation, but they really laughed hard when I was like I'm so sorry, so that was interesting. Listening back that, that got a big laugh. I'm so sorry, so that was interesting. Uh, listening back that, that got a big laugh. Um, and then when I talk about self-loathing, everybody responded to that because I think it was a room mostly full of standups and of course, everyone's a big self-loather in the world of standup. And obviously you heard the cheers, the AI trying to eliminate shitting with tech, uh.

Speaker 1:

And then the crazy, crazy, the kids realizing that their parents are nuts. I think there's a premise there where parents feel like they're in control, or they're at least being behaving normally, and you switch the perspective where kids are listening their parents be like you're crazy, I'm crazy, crazy, crazy's good. And then they're looking at each other like what the fuck? I think we need to leave. I think I need to find new parents. There needs to be a better punchline there. But that is a funny idea, I think this kids losing trust in their parents I like that, I like that world, because every day your kid kind of is like, really, especially this day and age, I used to think my parents were so put together.

Speaker 1:

It was only when I got into my sort of twenties that I realized that they're just, you know, emotional children. But my kids cause we're around each other so much. Just look at me like, oh my god, dad's a mess. So, yeah, I like that. I perspective of kids just realizing that their parents aren't to be trusted, that's funny to me. And then, uh, of course, we got into the British accent, my, my first act out, my first voice ever on stage. Tremendous dork tingles listening to that.

Speaker 2:

But I do like talking about it. I'm a dying British man. I'm so perverted.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I don't know, that's one of those weird voices I've done in the shower and decided to put it up there. I remember feeling a lot of embarrassment as I was doing it, but I just stuck with it up there. But I was embarrassed doing it because it really wasn't. I'm not sure it was adding anything, but yeah, that's my old person voice. And then, of course, I'm just trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I'm trying to make, I was trying to make, I was trying to make again.

Speaker 1:

This was seven months ago, but I was trying to make this idea of journaling your future self funny. And when I listen back to it now, with the time that's gone by, I'm like this is just too strange. It's just not. Maybe there's a line there, but I got to let it go. I got to let it go. I got to let it go. So again, I'm really happy for this podcast because without it I would never go back and do this. It's too uncomfortable. I would have never gone back and tried to learn from these things I did at the time, but not this much later, and it's been really valuable. So I thank you for forcing this.

Speaker 1:

Forcing function is great. It's time to go. I know we're sad. I know it's sad, it is sad, um, but let's not get crazy. I can't keep going. I can't just keep going. It's so late, I'm so tired. I've emptied the tank for this one. I've emptied it. I've emptied it for you. I do this for you, so you gotta let me go. I know it's hard. I know you want me to keep talking for hours. Have the most fun holiday ever. So much fun, so much laughter, so much love and connection. Maybe a little venery, but I'm not gonna go there. It's the holidays, of course, I hope you get it, but if you don't, life's not just about that, it's about so much more. Just have a blast and I'll see you the day after Christmas. Bye, thank you.