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Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton
This is an audio journal of actor, David Walton (Fired Up, New Girl, About a Boy, Bad Moms, Power:Ghost) as he builds a standup comedy set in public with the help of comedians and friends. New episodes every Thursday.
Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton
#31 Benny from Boxcar Children
David speaks with the 7 year old that lives in his head and tells him an inappropriate joke. David is unhinged throughout.
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Welcome to the Starting Stand-Up in Maine podcast, where we discuss all things stand-up comedy and my ill-advised attempt to get good at it. I'm David Walton, a television and film actor who, during the writer and actor strikes, decided that stand-up comedy was his true calling, even though he'd never done it before, and now realizes that all his realizations are utter garbage, regardless. He's now done it before and now realizes that all his realizations are utter garbage, regardless. He's now in it. In today's episode, episode 31, we have a unhinged episode.
Speaker 1:I speak with a voice inside my head that is a nine-year-old named Benny from the Boxcar Children book series. Nine-year-old named Benny, from the Boxcar Children book series. He's a voice that, for some reason, is comforting to me, and so, in times of great distress, I turned to Benny for wisdom. I then will tell a new joke that is extremely dirty. Not really it's dirty. I tell the joke to Benny, and then I discovered an old rant of mine that was the origination of a topic that I cannot get out of my mind that I'm trying to crack into jokes. The topic is how much it sucks that the entire purpose of life is to just be a widget that makes money. Thank you for being here. Please enjoy Episode 31 of Starting Stand-Up.
Speaker 2:Oh man, that's rubbish, that's rubbish.
Speaker 1:Hey, Benny, it's been a while. We started the whole podcast with you. It's kind of weird. I haven't invited you back on.
Speaker 2:Well, that's okay. I've been in the woods eating insects with my bubble and sister and solving crimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just wanted to apologize for not having you back on. We've been going for about six months now and because you're my confessional, I'm just going to start right off. Is that all right? Well, sure, All right. So what's going on, is that? Yeah, I'm just not doing stand-up anymore.
Speaker 2:What do you mean?
Speaker 1:Well, I haven't done it in like four weeks and I don't feel like writing. Yeah, I just I really don't. It's like when I start acting, when I start getting auditions again, I'm like I fucking love this. I mean, I don't necessarily love the auditioning, but I'm like I'm so jacked up to get get those things cooking. I don't give a fuck about stand-up well, that sounds okay.
Speaker 2:I mean, we all have whithams that we go through when we're doing things. You know, sometimes you're wholeheartedly with a creative project and then sometimes you have to back off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really sound advice, benny. I don't know how you know that at such a young age, but it reminds me of Rick Rubin's advice of having three creative projects going at the same time. So that you can excuse me, I have tuberculosis. But is it so you can?
Speaker 1:if you're not feeling one creative project, you can switch to the other yeah, rick rubin is a incredibly hairy man yeah, I agree, um, but he's really cool dude and obviously he's the greatest vibe music producer of all time and nobody has made more incredible records or helped make more incredible records than him, I would argue, and I don't think a lot of people would argue with me about that will you stop talking about wick-woobin'.
Speaker 1:Yes, sorry about that. Anyway, so that's really what's going on. Is that I'm just what the fuck am I doing? But there's also a little Tweety Bird in me that's just going just ride it out, ride it out. Life's a little chaotic. We're in transitions. You are a toddler, so any transition is kind of upsetting. But yes, it's spring, it's summer, the kids are. You know, they're calling it May-cember. Did you know that, benny? May-cember? Yeah, may-cember. There's so much shit to do with your kids in May, with all the proms and dances and field trips and events, that people feel like it's Christmas. They have the overwhelm of Christmas in May.
Speaker 2:Oh man, I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't worry about it. That being said, Benny, can I tell you a joke that I got inspired to write right after I imitated Anthony Jeselnik in the last episode?
Speaker 2:Sure, I would love jokes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not so sure you're going to like this one, but we'll give it a shot. Just to preface, benny Anthony Jeselnik is really dark and dirty and all his jokes are really off color blue, as they call it and so after I did it I was like, oh, but there's a rhythm to it and and this is sort of my first attempt to kind of do an Anthony Jeselnik type joke for myself so, um, anyway, here it goes. I hope you like it oh, I can't wait just calm the fuck down, benny.
Speaker 1:I want my son to live a happy life. I have worries, I worry. And what if he gets addicted to things like what?
Speaker 2:what if?
Speaker 1:my son, my precious 11 year old, gets addicted to cocaine and hookers. You know, after I show them how to do both at the same time. You know I can do anything and not be addicted. But if I'm hitting the meth pipe and I hand it over to my son and he and he hits it. But he's not like me and he just needs it, you know, over and over again I'm gonna feel terrible. I mean I won't, I will not do it, but I'm gonna feel terrible you know, it's just the job of the parent to worry that was great, dave.
Speaker 2:What is a? What is a cocaine? What's a hooker?
Speaker 1:uh, benny, I'll let your older brother tell you that Maybe it wasn't even invented when you were around. Anyway, but thanks for laughing. I appreciate your support. I mean, obviously you have no idea what that joke was and you don't understand it, but it just feels good to know that you're an easy laugh, benny.
Speaker 2:Oh man, I think you're hilarious Deb.
Speaker 1:I think you're a pretty special kid, benny. Oh man, I think you're hilarious, dave. I think you're a pretty special kid, benny, and it's been nice chatting with you. Man. It's been a long time and again, I'm just so sorry that we haven't had a chance to connect.
Speaker 2:Well, that's okay, dave, I know, I know you love me, you love me so much.
Speaker 1:I do, I do, but I am uncomfortable when people express their emotions and I usually want to make a joke oh, oh, just feel it.
Speaker 2:Feel how much I love you feel yeah I just. It's making me uncomfortable so I'm laughing oh, my love for you is so deep alright, alright, you take care, benny.
Speaker 1:This is weird. All right, all right. Well, that was me with Benny again. Um, hope you guys enjoyed. Enjoyed that.
Speaker 1:I thought I'd end this episode that's obviously gone off the rails with another. I stumbled on a little piece I did way back. It is where I discovered the joke. It's weird because I'm recording, I'm discovering where these ideas come from. Now there are.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying is that there are recurring ideas for jokes. Now there's a joke that I'm mulling over or something, a topic which is just this sort of cynical, dark view of infancy and capitalism when essentially now I'm a pro-capitalist and it's like it's the best system there is. I don't want another system, but I also think it's insane that this is what we're doing. Essentially, your life's purpose is just money making, and so this idea of like talking to a baby, and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't have any jokes really yet that are legit, but it was interesting to go back to this segment and just like discover the the first time this idea came up and it involves Jimmy Buffett, and it involves gambling and and just just some random thoughts. But, um, yeah, please enjoy, and I thank you always for being here. That's always the funniest thing about.
Speaker 1:When Jimmy Buffett died Sort of dug into his life, I was just shocked. The guy made great music. Obviously a very talented musician Really good songs, if he's your thing, but he was a good songwriter. Real chill guy, incredibly smart businessman, but he built a business on vice, good vibes and just boozing, as if that's the answer. It's just party Retirement communities where everyone's fat and drinking margaritas. It's insane. Now I watch all these celebrities hawking betting sites. Have we gone fucking crazy? Does anyone have a clue about what we're doing? Just getting everyone fucking addicted to gambling. Everyone just fucking locked into the money pipe. Just heroining cash straight into their veins. Give me the fix Money. Holy shit. What is this game we're playing? Give me the cash. You so need it too. You're so fucked if you don't have money.
Speaker 1:You're homeless. Hello, welcome to the world. Now here's the point you need to make money. That's the point of your life Making dough money. That's the point of your life making dough, because if you don't, you are going to be homeless and you're gonna starve to death. Those are the stakes. It's insane. Hi, look at you. You were just born. What a beautiful little baby. I bet you just can't wait to grow up and grind your fucking ass off to make money. I mean, there's nothing. There's no other way to do it, but it's just absurd to me that that's more than ever in the history of the world. It's just about the dough.
Speaker 1:Back in the day, farmer living off the land was just like you just need to grow what you're going to eat and you're good. Just need to eat. Build the rest. Go, chop down a tree, whatever Not anymore. Now you're plugged in to the fucking grid. You're a widget.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's it for this week's episode. I'm going to finish it off by borrowing a sign-off from one of the great podcasts out there. It's called the Huberman Lab Podcast, and what I'm doing is replacing his stuff with my stuff. I'm plagiarizing him, and it's wonderful. So here we go.
Speaker 1:If you're learning from and or enjoying the Starting Stand Up podcast. Please subscribe. That is a terrific zero cost way to support us. In addition, please follow the podcast by clicking the follow button on both Spotify and Apple. On both Spotify and Apple, you can leave us up to a five-star review. Check out the sponsors mentioned at the beginning. Oh, that's right, I don't have any sponsors. If you have any questions for me or comments about the podcast guests or topics that you'd like me to consider for the Starting Stand Up podcast, please DM me on Instagram, at David Walton, or email me at startingstanduppod at gmailcom. That's at David Walton at Instagram or startingstanduppod at gmailcom. I do not respond, I'm just kidding. I'll respond. Anyway, lots of love, wishing you guys so much peace and joy, adventure, fun, connection, just a calm May-Sember and summer's coming. Baby, let's go. Thank you.