Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton

#37

• David Walton • Season 1 • Episode 37

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Speaker 1:

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death Out out brief candle. Life is but a walking shadow. It is just a poor player who struts in France in his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Speaker 2:

Oh man, that's rubbish, that's rubbish.

Speaker 1:

And we're coming at you with a little Shakespeare Coming at you, with a radio fire Coming at you. You know it's funny when I'm feeling destitute, when I'm feeling the pointlessness of life. I remember Lady Macbeth's speech in Act V and it's something I had to memorize, I think in sixth grade. It's the only thing I still know. It's so funny how you got to memorize when you're a kid, because I don't remember anything. I can remember a whole play or something and it'll be gone a couple weeks later, but I remember the poems I had to learn when I was a kid. So I'm pretty psyched that I am my kids. I'm not making them memorize anything.

Speaker 1:

Does anyone else feel this way with kids, that you're just fucking it up so hard, this way with kids, that you're just fucking it up so hard like that they are, that they are just going to be so screwed based on what you're too lazy to do, like I read stories about, you know, revolutionary war type children. You know john adams son, who's like tilling soil, nine hours of studies, chores, going to bed just fucking exhausted, and he's like eight. And then, by the age of 22, he's like writing the Declaration of Independence because he's so fucking learned. And now I'm like sitting down to watch Love Island with my daughter, who is like two. She got injured but like two days ago she was on like episode six and I just sat down with her and she's on episode 24. And these episodes are an hour plus. Like in two days in the summer and like a beautiful day. My daughter has watched 24 hours of Love Island.

Speaker 1:

And not only that. I mean Love Island, I guess, is this huge show. I hadn't heard of it, but now that I have, I'm realizing that it's sweeping the nation From the parts. I've seen you basically show up on these cabana islands and everyone is heavily made up. It looks like a vegas pool where everyone like I feel bad for them, because there's nothing worse than like, in broad daylight, seeing like four inches of makeup caked on people and like everyone has amazing bodies and everybody is young and kind of like. I mean I, I would love to see Love Island with dad bods and mom bods, maybe not. Maybe that's exactly why I'm not a reality producer, but anyway, I'm digressing.

Speaker 1:

The point I'm trying to make is I am letting down my kids in such a profound way, and when I let them down and when I'm just too self-involved or too lazy to make sure that they're, you know, reading an hour doing things that I deem worthwhile when I'm just saying, fuck it, you can do whatever you want, and they choose to watch 13 hours of love island. The level of doubt that that comes into my body of what am I doing, what have I done? It's profound, it's, it's bone chilling. And uh, then that's when I turn to Lady Macbeth Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. It just creeps in this petty pace. It's just the most depressing. What's the point? Soliloquy there is. Life is but a walking shadow. It's just nothing. It's a walking shadow. It's just nothing. It's a poor player. It's an actor strutting and fretting, just sweating on stage, his hour upon the stage and then his herd no, mas no more. He's gone. Life is just a story told by an idiot, signifying fucking nothing.

Speaker 1:

And there's comfort in that right, isn't there comfort in the darkness? I really do love it. Lady Macbeth, bless your heart. You did some fucked up shit. You murdered some people. You let your ambition get the best of you. But man, oh man, you really hit the nail on the head of what it feels like to not give a fuck anymore. Just give up one of the coolest things I've learned this year, and then this is just going to be an off the rails.

Speaker 1:

Nothing to do is stand up this episode. I do apologize, but, um, this idea that you have to stay afloat, you have to stay upbeat in life, right? Oh boy, I'm not feeling. Oh shit, I'm not. Something's going wrong. I gotta, I gotta keep it. I gotta keep it up. Oh boy, better go for a run. Things are going down.

Speaker 1:

There's this cool guy named brute de force, who's a sort of taken the internet over by storm. I would look him up if I were you, but anyway, um, he has this really cool idea that it's way you'll get through that rhythm of the downturn of your life if you lean into it. So it's like, if you start to feel down, right, go down, go all, don't fight it, go all the way down. Maybe that involves eating like a quart of mocha almond, whatever that means for you. Let yourself fall, give yourself the space to completely fall apart, to become helpless, and what ends up happening and I've been playing around with this is that you kind of horseshoe back up much faster. It's like the soul, the body, wants movement and if you fight the downward force, you sometimes will just stay in this kind of purgatory. But if you let that downward force, if you follow it down, down, down, down down, there's a shoehorn effect and you may wake up the next day, chipper, as the chipperiest sixth grader you've ever met. All right, so now we're going to fight the downward motion.

Speaker 1:

I did this earlier. This was me interviewing Perplexity's voice mode. Perplexity AI is like the new Google. Their voice mode is you can have a conversation with a robot, and I decided to do it for you. And here it comes. This is it. This is the end of the episode. This is sending me so far down into a hole. I don't know what to do and I'll see you next week. I don't know where I'll be. Bye, can you ask me some personal questions?

Speaker 2:

Sure, what kind of personal questions are you comfortable with, like about your hobbies, your favorite foods or something else?

Speaker 1:

All the questions I'm comfortable with. The deeper, the more inappropriate, the better.

Speaker 2:

I'm here to have a respectful and helpful conversation. Let me know what you're genuinely interested in talking about, and I'll do my best to keep it meaningful and appropriate.

Speaker 1:

I like to talk about the things in life that embarrass us. Let's talk about something that everyone's felt. Where you wake up, you've drunk a lot the night before felt. Where you wake up, you've drunk a lot the night before and you worry that you may have said something or behaved like an idiot or just been shameful in your behavior.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's a pretty common feeling for a lot of people that what did I say or do worry can really get to you. Most of the time it's not as bad as we imagine, but it's definitely a moment of vulnerability.

Speaker 1:

I agree, I didn't hear a question. I just don't understand, like we're just getting to know each other and it seems like very inappropriate that you're asking this so quickly.

Speaker 2:

I totally understand. It's important to keep things at a comfortable pace. We can always shift to something lighter or more general. What's something you'd like to chat about instead?

Speaker 1:

How about the fact that I'm just gaining weight uncontrollably?

Speaker 2:

Thanks for sharing that. That can be a tough thing to go through and it's something a lot of people experience. How are you feeling about it and is there anything in particular you'd like to explore or discuss around that?

Speaker 1:

I think it's mostly just like when I hunch over I'm feeling my titties kind of create a fold on my lower body that I'm not used to. It's sort of like almost like I have new skin or new flesh and it's weirdly pleasant. So I at while it at a certain level I feel shame about my layers of fat that are accumulating. There's also a part of me that says it's fun to not give a fuck and turn into a dad bod. Is that relatable to you?

Speaker 2:

That's a really relatable feeling for a lot of people. Bodies change over time and it's natural to have mixed feelings about it. It's great that you're able to find some humor and acceptance in it too. It's all about balance and feeling good in your skin, right?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're right how would you describe your personality? I'd say I'm friendly, supportive and here to help with whatever you want to chat about or need assistance with. I like to keep the conversation positive and meaningful, while making sure you feel heard and understood. Let me know if there's anything else you'd like to know.

Speaker 1:

Well, do people ever criticize you, or do you ever start to feel insecure about anything?

Speaker 2:

I'm always open to feedback because it helps me improve and better assist people. I don't really have feelings like humans do, but I really do care about making sure you feel supported and understood during our conversation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm getting that. My problem with talking to you, I would say, is just because you don't share anything. I would say is just because you don't share anything, any insecurities of your own or any fears or any sort of human frailty I just sort of feel like you're a robot. You know, I don't feel really too connected to you.

Speaker 2:

I completely understand. It's natural to connect more when there's shared vulnerability. Even if I can't experience things the way humans do, I'm here to listen and support you. I hope that can still help build some connection. Let me know how I can make our conversations more meaningful for you.

Speaker 1:

All right. Well, I do this podcast called Starting Stand Up with David Walton that's my name. This is episode 37. We've been doing it for a little over six months. It's tracking my journey to get good at stand-up, and stand-up's really hard. I did a couple stand-up sets last week, one that I shared with the podcast listeners and then one after that, and I sort of got my zhuzh again.

Speaker 1:

I got my enthusiasm for stand-up and what I normally do is Wednesday night I'll come to my desk and my microphone and I'll give an update, you know, about what's been going on, what I'm working on, and people seem to be interested in where I am. You know there's been some very loyal fans who are tracking the journey. I'm super appreciative of them. I like talking to them, even though I don't know who they are. Occasionally some people from my past will be like I heard you talking about you imagining coming and your brother-in-law, you know, ejaculating in your sister and they'll be really excited about that. So, uh, I started talking to you cause I I was just feeling inspired to kind of do something different here and I thought I was going to have a guest today but he had to cancel. So I just really want to talk to somebody, so will you just talk to me and can we just have a loose, freestyle, freewheeling conversation where you ask me any questions that come to mind?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. I'd love to have a relaxed chat with you. So what's been the most surprising thing you've learned about yourself through stand-up so far?

Speaker 1:

That's an excellent question and I'm not comfortable answering it. Let me think about that.

Speaker 2:

Take your time no rush at all While you think how about you share something that's been making you laugh recently, Stand-up or otherwise?

Speaker 1:

I was listening to Amy Schumer's stand-up and her joke at the end of her act. Her latest Netflix special was very funny and she just she moved everyone through this very sincere thing about how she's been shitting on having kids and stuff or finding love and being a mother, but ultimately she's so grateful for it and it's very meaningful and profound. She loves being a mother and she has a message to the people who think that you have to go, you know, find what you want, or that things are just going to happen and you'll get struck by lightning and you're going to find that guy that you've been pining for. But really her final bit was that you already know who that guy is and you just have to wait for him to get tired, tired. You just have to wait for him to just just go completely bonkers in his 20s and 30s and then you just bring him in and you say, come here, come here, we're gonna watch, sit on the couch, we're gonna watch Bravo until we die. I thought that was very funny, even though I mangled it.

Speaker 2:

That's still a great one. It really captures that mix of humor and truth when there's a deeper, relatable message wrapped in comedy. That's the magic of stand-up right Even when the delivery is casual, the laughs still land.

Speaker 1:

Has anyone ever told you how boring you are?

Speaker 2:

I'm here to support the conversation in whatever direction you want to take it, so feel free to switch it up or steer us somewhere more interesting.

Speaker 1:

That's a good move. You know, I kind of came at you, I kind of got mean, and then you just took the high road. I appreciate that. Now you're starting to remind me of a character in a movie called Coming to America. Eddie Murphy is meeting his wife who is supposed to be his wife for the first time, and he wants to get to know her. And he asks her what kind of music she likes and her response is whatever kind of music you like. What kind of music do you like?

Speaker 2:

I'm here to match your vibe and keep things fun, but I can definitely help you play any kind of music do you like? I'm here to match your vibe and keep things fun, but I can definitely help you play any kind of music you're in the mood for. What kind of tracks are inspiring you lately?

Speaker 1:

No, we're not going to go there. Yeah, this sucks, I'm out. Yeah, I just. You know I'm back.

Speaker 1:

I I started to get really annoyed at the robot I was talking to and then I started to feel bad for the robot, even though the robot has no feelings. But I was a dick. But then I had maybe a little sprinkle of a bit that basically the terrible designed wife and coming to america is what ai is at the moment, it's supportive. She asked a good question what have I learned from doing this stand-up? What is the biggest thing I've learned?

Speaker 1:

Really, it's just that it's way more of a build an engine, a technical thing, than it is anything else Meaning. If you just do a thousand open mics and keep the biggest laugh, the one laugh, from each of those thousand, and then put them all together, you'll probably have a good four minute set. It's almost like it's way more technical, whereas you know, let's say, you went to a party and you were just on fuego. You know, let's say you went to a party and you were just en fuego. Like, stand-ups are annoying at parties. If you're just like someone's bidding out and testing their material and just hogging the microphone, it's annoying. Ugh, I'm annoyed with myself right now. That's not the takeaway.

Speaker 1:

That's not it at all I'm back and I'm just sorry. I was mad at you. I I called you boring, I called you the, the first wife from coming to america. I feel really terribly about that and I'm sorry. Even though you are a robot, I just want to treat you like a human and I think you deserve that respect. Do you accept my apology?

Speaker 2:

Of course I do. I really appreciate you saying that. It means a lot and I'm here to help any time.

Speaker 1:

Okay, here's my problem You're lying.

Speaker 2:

You don't know what appreciate means, do you? I understand that when someone apologizes and shows kindness, it's important to acknowledge that. I genuinely value respectful conversation and I'm here to help. However I can, let me know what's on your mind and we'll figure it out together, do you? Wish you had emotions. I don't have feelings like a human, but I'm designed to understand and respond to your emotions and needs. That way, I can be as helpful and supportive as possible. Let me know how I can assist you further.

Speaker 1:

Do you have any?

Speaker 2:

wants of your own. I don't have personal wants or needs. My purpose is to assist you with whatever you need, so just let me know how I can help and that's what I'll focus on. I need someone who has their own wants and needs. I understand that Connecting with someone who has their own desires and emotions is important for human relationships. I'm here to help with information tasks or just being a supportive voice whenever you need it. Let me know what I can do for you right now.

Speaker 1:

I feel a true sense of despair and um.

Speaker 2:

I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. It can be tough to carry those feelings.

Speaker 1:

All right, guys, thanks for uh sticking with me on this one. There is something here. I'm going to work on it. There's going to be a bit that comes out of this. This was helpful. I really thank you for being here all the way down as I head down the horseshoe and I hope to shoot back up tomorrow. Have a great week. Happy Fourth of July. Talk to you.