Starting Standup in Maine with David Walton

#38 Love Island Analysis

• David Walton

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 28:18

Summer Drinking and Seasonal Alcoholism

Speaker 1

Okay , it's summer , everybody , and the wheels are off . Yeah , wheels are completely off , welcome . Hope everyone is having a great summer . Currently sipping a Diet Coke with Mount Gay Rum , I'm pretty sure I've had a beer I don't know every day for the last three weeks At least one beer I don't know , every day for the last three weeks , at least one .

Speaker 1

My current move is to is to have a few beers around 5 PM before dinner and then basically crash so hard after dinner . It's like you want that empty stomach buzz and then you kind of delay dinner and then you're like I need to eat something and then you eat , and then you . And then you're like I need to eat something and then you eat , and then you and then you're like what's the point of drinking after I eat , right , am I right ? So I'm hoping by the end of the summer to get to the point where I don't need dinner and I can just maybe . The move is huge lunch , huge , huge lunch straight into into a walk , nap , then begin drinking and then just maybe like half a cup of soup for dinner and cocky poos oh man , that's rubbish . That's rubbish , I think , the inside of the mind of a summer Summer alcoholic . I'm a seasonal alcoholic . That's what I am Basically , don't drink much at all Fall , winter , spring , and then I build a deep , deep reservoir and then I can just absolutely tear all summer .

Speaker 1

Wow , there's an incredibly beautiful full orange moon rising above the ocean right now . I wish you could all see it . I bet it's about 10 feet off the ocean . Huge , I'm going to have to look up what that kind of moon that is . Damn . I'm going to have to look up what kind of moon that is Damn . I want you to let me know if this sound makes you want to make yourself a drink . Mm-hmm , mm-hmm .

Speaker 1

How are you things ? Nice , you guys working hard . When are you taking vacation ? Yeah , august is the best . I mean , those days are getting shorter , of course , and there's that sweet melancholy of knowing the summers are almost over , but I think august is the time to take your two weeks . You know when are you headed .

Speaker 1

Oh , cool , yeah , is it crowded then ? Yeah , no , I went to the vineyard once when I was 18 . Yeah , my friend had a compound , but then they went broke and had to sell it . Yeah , no one could afford it . You know what I mean ? That sort of multi-generational loss thing ? Yeah , totally . I know Things are getting more expensive . All these places are going to be gone soon , filled with private equity douchebags , you know what I mean ? Yeah , no , but we got to protect it . That's why we don't allow any Jews , black people or lesbians into the club . Right , yeah , all right , right , good to see you , ma'am . Okay , that was my impression of a racist wasp club man . Hope you enjoyed that .

Speaker 1

Moving on things I've seen this week , things that have bothered me , things

Jerry Seinfeld Canceled Again

Speaker 1

that , uh , I'm observing about the world . So first , I'm just really pissed at jerry . Jerry seinfeld canceled on the interview again , um , so that's why it's just me tonight . I do apologize . I know a lot of you came to see jerry talk and promote , but I promise we'll have him on later . But I think this is going to be even better . This is going to be , you know , six or seven minutes of me verbal diarying in , and that's always fun . Number three mouth just going . Number three from my mouth , no one thing I'm doing . Cool this week is some , um , manifestation techniques

Manifestation and Woo-Woo Philosophy

Speaker 1

.

Speaker 1

Now there's a lot of woo-woo out in the world and some of you listening may be balls deep in woo-woo . And when I say woo-woo I mean W-O-O space . W-o-o that is slang for the kind of spiritual new age stuff that is rampant all over media . If that , if you're into that , or you throw your nose up at it or you say look at those fucking woo woo tools , look how broke they are , look how they're all recovering drug addicts , and you have a cynical view of it all . By the way , all are valid . All points of view are valid . I think I have a unique angle because I have one foot in the ultra douchebag world of high finance and privilege and prep school and ivy league education and extremely wealthy people , and I have access to all of that and at the same time and those people are decidedly not woo woo and at the same time , and those people are decidedly not woo-woo and at the same time , I gravitate very intrinsically , very intuitively , very deep level to that stuff . As I probably mentioned before , I would happily , happily , go on a three-month silent retreat and completely evacuate my entire life . Sayonara , goodbye kids , goodbye wife . Daddy needs some peace and some rest .

Speaker 1

However , in the Indian culture , they call this you're a householder , and what's really cool about it is I'm going to mangle this , but fuck it . You know , in the Eastern religions , in this sort of Hindu culture in India . They have these caste systems right and whatever you're born into , that's what you're going to do . So if you're like a stone carver , you're just a stone carver . You don't have this ambition to be something more . And obviously India is changing rapidly and there's this giant emerging middle class in India .

Speaker 1

However , the caste system created a situation where you basically had wandering sadhus . They were called sadhus or basically holy men who were basically beggars and you just wander around India but you were a holy man . So people like took you seriously and they gave you money , not because , you know , they wanted to feel good about themselves at a traffic light , uh , with their kids in the back , but because they believed that you know , know you needed . They wanted to support your spiritual development . Now , in India , a sadhu S-A-D-U was someone who in general , like if a sadhu rolled into America they would look like a schizophrenic homeless person , but in India there's a certain level of respect .

Speaker 1

They call it a Kundalini crisis . Kundalini , for those who don't know , is the coiled serpent of energy that is lying dormant at the base of your spine . So if you ever get into meditation , you ever want to learn , you know , kind of go all the way in a lot of the practices . There's something called kundalini yoga , of course , but a lot of the practices will be to unlock , unleash the dormant energy that is lying , coiled and ready at the base of your spine . And when that energy is actually released , people will report massive states of bliss , joy , oneness with the world , egoless rapture . I am taking my gum out on that , I am sorry .

Speaker 1

Of course , we could all categorize this under woo-woo , w-o-o , w-o-o and I , like Pareto's principle , which you probably are aware of , is that 80-20 principle , which is basically , like you know , you look at a garden and all the let's call them pea pods are growing and 20% of the pea pods create 80% of the peas . Uh , 20% of your clients create 80% of the profits . There is a weird natural proportion to productivity in the universe and it's generally abides by 80-20 , 90-10 . It's not exact math , but you get the idea . Applied to woo-woo in that woo-woo world are complete frauds and jokes and ultimately , if you're going to run into someone like that , which odds are you will ? You're going to write it off and you should .

Speaker 1

The problem with that is that you're going to miss out on the people who actually are super legit and I promise you it's legit . I promise you most of the craziest shit you've ever heard on some level is legit . So whether it's psychic shit or world systems , ghosts , you know what have you All the stuff . That's so easy because you can just disprove it by saying I've never seen it or there's no real hard , concrete scientific evidence . It's very easy to be that person . It's extremely easy .

Speaker 1

However , I don't believe it . I just believe it's all going on . I mean , the truth is , who are we ? We with our rudimentary five senses Sight , smell , hearing , touch . What's the fifth one ? I don't even remember , remember . All I know is it's rudimentary .

Speaker 1

So my point here and I'm rambling , my point really is is that the woo-woo world I love and I think I have a unique angle in which I have one foot in the world . Let's just , for the sake of simplicity , call it private equity , wall Street , douchebaggery , privilege , idiocy . I'm very comfortable in that world and I actually find the people in it to be hilarious , even though they are the enemies of 99% of the world . I think there's a lot of fucking hilariousness in it . So I have a genuine affection for people that would probably be murdered by the proletariat and , at the same time , I have a massive affection for the world of woo-woo and so what I'm trying to do is figure out , even just through stand-up is to bridge these two disparate worlds , and I don't know how to do it . I mean , I think I'm trying . The answer hasn't revealed itself to me .

Speaker 1

I once did a video , I don't know five years ago , called like meditation , a white claw meditation . It was about , you know , a bro just meditating on his love for white claw and actually it was great . I mean , I'm meaning it was a really fun to do and you know it was well received . But my point is only this this has been a deep through line . When I did my two year meditation training , uh , we would sit around and we'd talk about like visions for the future and talk about visions for the future , and what were you going to do with this training ?

Speaker 1

And there was a deep part of me that wanted me to basically bring mindfulness to date rapers . Not that I ever met a date raper , but like what is the quintessential stereotypical ? Like college double pop collar , college boy in a fraternity ? For a vast majority of human beings it's like that dude is gonna rape me and he's gonna like high five , his southern buddies now , obviously I don't , but I don't see people black and white and I think , because I can speak the language of an idiot frat boy , I think I can get them to chill a little bit . Chill with the misogyny , chill with the . Yeah , any , any inclination to go and do something horrible ? Just chill with the , the macho douchery . Does that make sense ? I hope it does . Hey , update on love

Love Island and Parenting Dilemmas

Speaker 1

island .

Speaker 1

I just went down to get a drink halfway through the recording and my daughter was watching Love Island again and alone , and the girls were screaming eat that kitty . While grinding on the couch . I believe the connection they referred to the sex that she just had as a journey . She was really pleased with the level of connection that she was having with this bearded gentleman and then everyone was giddy , and rightly so . It's very sweet , you know , when your friend finally makes love . It is very exciting and everyone should rejoice Because lovemaking , as we all can agree , is the best thing in the world . But it is interesting to watch extremely scantily clad women simultaneously singing eat that kitty while grinding on a couch . And then you look over and you're 13 . You just turned . The 13 year old daughter is just looking at it , like , like , like , sheepishly , and you're like maybe I I really shouldn't have been a parent and because ultimately I don't , I cared in the beginning I was like I , I cannot support the , the watching of this show .

Speaker 1

I mean , this is a show in which human beings walk on onto an island with six men tied up by their hands , blindfolded , and then these two new women introduced just go around hard making out I mean , just grotesque French kissing of just complete strangers who were tied up . And I really do have a nausea when I watch it . All the makeup caked on the new and it's like the cameras are rolling . It's just a way of getting people to know if they're good kissers . Then they rate the kissing and you're just like what is this doing to my daughter's brain ? And then you text your wife and you go do you understand what this show is ? And then she texts back .

Speaker 1

I think this is good for someone who isn't already feeling sexual you know deep sexual urges to watch because it will teach her what not to do . And then you're like , well , maybe or maybe I'm going to walk in on a house party and all the dudes are going to be tied up and everyone's going to be strangers , mimicking Love Island . Anyway , evidently little did I know back when I was protesting that this show has swept the nation and that everybody's watching it and that they're having like parties and bars for everyone to watch it . And so look , if my 13 year old once gets caught up in the pop culture summer moment , so be it . Um , we don't want to get left behind . But man , oh man , it is a very strange feeling . So , anyway , eat that kitty . That's the new song of the summer . I think this really points to the broader problem , which is that I believe I am turning into an FCC parent .

Speaker 1

You know the ones in the 80s who were like stop MTV , mtv off the air . The older I get , the more I believe that you are programmed by media . You know that old saying you are the average of the five people you hang around with . The most like who you hang out with has a huge impact on your intellect . What you're into . There's an alternative version of that , which is that you are . You are the result of everything you consume , and if you're mindlessly consuming algorithmic nonsense , your brain is going to turn into algorithmic nonsense if you're consuming and studying the greatest minds on earth or science , or you're obsessed with something like it's just common sense that you're gonna think you're thinking and what you're into is gonna , is gonna mold itself into what you're consuming . So I think the media you consume is actually way more important than you think . I think it's influencing you on obviously conscious but subconscious levels .

Speaker 1

So take a human being who's never seen a commercial , who's never watched reality television , who doesn't watch the news , who simply reads great novels , interacts with those around him , takes in the best movies and studies the greatest thinkers and people of our time , their thoughts , listens to deep podcasts , is just constantly consuming really , really high level content . That human being that sort of , I mean , is going to be , I think , operating on a whole other level , a level that I think is well . I'll say this I would want for my kids If I could design their life , of course , I would want kids that are just like completely bathing in the highest quality media books , credible TV shows , the best movies , the best novels , the best spiritual information . Right , am I wrong ? Is there an argument against this ? I mean , look , the truth is reality TV is obviously value there .

Speaker 1

If I'm going to play devil's advocate of why Love Island is amazing is because you're seeing these young people talk very openly , vulnerably , about what they want , need , their needs , what's bothering them . They're kind of tight-lipped . Everything's fine , sweetheart , no , everything's great . I'm not mad . That is out the window , window . There's none of that which I think is good . And while I I counted in the one minute I watched tonight the dudes being like dude , I'm so happy for you , bro , they said . Bro , it was like 30 bros within a 60 second span .

Speaker 1

For the , the positive I see , besides the making out and the hypersexualized and everybody just like , with incredible bodies and just there does seem to be a genuine desire for love and connection . This isn't just like oh , I don't fucking get fucked , I'll move on like . These are people who want to be in love and man is a beautiful thing . So all the power to them . I wish them well . I raise my glass . I hope you all find love . And that's what's cool about the show too . I think the competition it's not really like there's one winner , I believe . I believe that there can be many winners If you find enough of a connection to last the whole way .

Speaker 1

All right , that's my take . I got to get a co-host . Let's be honest guys . I got to get a co-host . I need someone to talk to . I mean , we'll see . I think I'm committing Remember , I said I'd do this podcast for one year um , redoing it . I'm committing to 20 years ? Um , nope , that's wrong . 18 years . I'm not . I don't want to do this when I'm 65 . 18 years is a long time . That's a lot of episodes . We'll see

The Full Buck Moon Explained

Speaker 1

how it goes . No promises and finally , because I don't want this episode to be all complete nonsense without you learning a single fact , so we're going to end this very special episode with what we promised in the beginning .

Speaker 1

This full moon that I saw rising tonight is called the full buck moon . Now , we obviously name moons for all sorts of reasons that I'm not going to get into , but we also know , as everyone knows , the moon cycle is exactly like the menstrual cycle , and so let's just relax the anti-woo-woo . You think that's coincidence ? You think your wife's menstrual cycle is the exact same thing as the moon cycle , by coincidence , or do you think there's something connected ? Do you think your wife is a werewolf ? That's what I thought . Fuck dude , why is a fucking crazy dude my wife's going crazy , my wife's out of her fucking mind . Dude , how many times you heard that . All right , everybody .

Speaker 1

Uh , the january moon we've already experienced this . You know I'm not going to go through all of them , but here let's get a couple that you like ready . So the may moon , uh , is called the milk moon . The june moon uh , full , it was this full strawberry moon , and we know that because the strawberries definitely are good in june .

Speaker 1

The full buck moon is what we just enjoyed tonight and this is where it gets good . August 9th , that peak , sweet melancholy of summer , hopefully when you're taking your two weeks . That's the sturgeon moon , and the sturgeon that's when this large fish that looks like a dinosaur was in the Great Lakes and other major bodies of water , like Lake Champlain , is most readily caught . And then we get into September , and of course that's the corn moon , because we know that the sweet island corn in September . There's nothing better than corn in September . But October , and this is the most famous moon , the harvest moon . On this harvest moon , neil young , we know it , the moon seems to rise on the harvest moon at nearly the same time each night , just 25 to 30 minutes later across the us and only 10 to 20 minutes later for much of Canada and Europe Corn and pumpkin , squash beans and wild rice . They're now ready for gathering .

Speaker 1

And now my personal favorite , this is my favorite moon . It's a November moon , okay , and it's the full beaver moon . And if anyone says half beaver , quarter beaver , shaved beaver , I hate that . You need to always say I love the full , full beaver , full beaver moon , nothing better .

Speaker 1

And then December , of course , because you've worshipped the full beaver moon , you've done all your rituals , you've emptied the tank on full beaver moon . You've done all your rituals . You've emptied the tank on full beaver moon . By December you're going to get the full cold moon , and it's never . You know , you've got to wait a whole year for another beaver moon . And this is really the problem with winter is that you kind of you get this giant , giant flooding of of lunar beaver energy and then it's just over for the next year , and that's always been my main struggle . So to me , november is peak and it's always where I'm happiest . And I suspect that the contestants of Love Island would agree the full beaver moon is their favorite as well , and perhaps we should all get together and create a ritual where we sing songs Eat that kitty , eat that kitty as we dance under the shadows of the full kitty moon . It's time to go to bed , wouldn't you say . Lots of love , wishing you so much joy , peace , adventure , fun , loving kindness . Bye for now .