MYM E1: My microdose your marriage story

In the first episode of her podcast, Dr. Sabrina Hadeed introduces the concept of 'Microdose Your Marriage.' She explains the podcast's intentions, which include discussing psychedelics' potential healing benefits, relationship wellness, and her personal story of using psychedelics and microdosing to navigate her marriage struggles and victorious surrenders. With formal training as a psychotherapist and 20 years of experience, she aims to normalize, educate, and destigmatize these topics. The episode also touches on the importance of intentional endings in relationships, illustrated through her own 'conscious uncoupling' story. Sabrina emphasizes the role of psychedelics in gaining clarity and emotional healing - aiming for honest, brave, and kind resolutions to relationship challenges. She concludes the episode by sharing a personal anecdote about meeting an artist with his own mental health struggle and triumph story - highlighting the power of vulnerability and authentic connections. 

**The artist spotlighted in this episode is James Sampsel, you can check out his work here. Please also be sure to watch James' short autobiographical film mentioned in the episode, If I Tell Them. 

Stay connected with Dr. Sabrina Hadeed on Instagram @dr.sabrinhadeed

Learn more about Dr. Hadeed and the legal psilocybin program for individuals and couples operating in Bend, Oregon on her website:
www.loveandpsychedelics.co

Transcript

Dr. Sabrina Hadeed: 1:20

I am just delighted, and a little nervous to bring you this first episode. More delighted than nervous. And first I'm going to tell you a little bit about what you can expect from this first episode. So my intention is to talk about what I mean by Microdose Your Marriage. What are the intentions of the podcast? What can you expect? And, and also spend some time talking about my own microdose, your marriage story So what do I mean when I say microdose your marriage? Well, number one, I think it's catchy. I like the way it sounds. And yes, we'll be talking about psychedelics and the potential healing benefits of psychedelics. We'll also be talking about microdosing and we'll be talking a lot about relationship wellness. For those of you that don't know, you know, my formal training is as a psychotherapist. And so I will be drawing from my 20 years of experience as a psychotherapist during the interviews and personal shares. I'll also be human, frankly, sharing stories, from my own life and from the lens that I experience the world through. I will be interviewing experts in the field of both psychedelic science, but also relationship wellness And my hope is to normalize and educate and destigmatize. Education is something that is so important to me. It's one of the things that I believe in most as an advocate. an activist, as a mama, I think that the greatest gift that we can give is education, that's my hope for how this podcast will unfold, and then I'm also very much open to shifting along the way. We shall see how it emerges. the title also is the name of a book that I've been working on and hope to publish. Soon, I don't know. I hope that it gets published maybe spring of 2025. That's my goal. We shall see. It's okay if that timeline gets moved. It's also the name of a practice that I've recently launched called Microdose Your Marriage. I keep it simple. Keep the same title All along the way, right? So it's this podcast, it's the title of a book that I'm writing, and it's also the name of a practice that I've recently started and there's a website, you know, www. microdoseyourmarriage. com where you can read all about that practice. so my practice is dedicated to working with individuals and couples, anyone in relationship. It doesn't have to be a romantic couple ship. It could be a mother daughter, it could be a siblings, it could be romantic partners. And I think that it is so important to focus on the relationships, the ones we have with ourselves and the ones we have with each other and the ones we have with psychedelics. Any substance for that matter. I love the term, you know, be in right relationship with, fill in the blank. Yeah, let's be in right relationship with most things. We get to decide what's right relationship even mean, you know. And it's not going to be the same for everybody. It brings me great joy to hear other people's stories. I, I just love it. I come from a family of storytellers, and so I think I have maybe wanted to do something like this for a while, but for whatever reason, just didn't have the courage or just I just didn't see myself as a podcaster or whatever that means. And that's all changed now. Watch out, Jay Shetty. I'm coming for you. So yeah, so that's what brings me here. That's the intention of the podcast is to provide education and information as well as have some fun dialogue with individuals that are working in, mental health and those that are also working in the intersection of mental health and psychedelics. And so that is a good segue, I think, to, my own microdose, your marriage story. So I like to start this story by giving away the ending and it's maybe not the ending you're anticipating. So the ending is that I actually ended up choosing to dissolve my marriage. So I am no longer married. Um, I am happily unmarried and I did happily uncouple and consciously uncouple. And before you tune the show out because you're convinced that you shouldn't listen to someone talk about micro dosing your marriage, talk about mental health, talk about psychedelics, when that person's telling you that their own relationship ended. And to that I'll say give me a chance. Give me a chance because it didn't end because of micro dosing. It didn't end because I didn't work really hard or because I didn't have a strong commitment to trying to make it work. It ended because we chose to surrender. And that surrender was empowering and relieving and even beautiful. And I like to, I like to anchor my story actually in a memory that I have with my mom. Because I, I love it. I'm proud of the moment. And I'm also, I think it highlights a part of the drive I have within the space of couples work not just to support couples that are hoping to mend and repair and deepen, but also those that, want clarity and are confused about whether to stay or go. And then those more, most importantly, the ones that need help when they decide to end so that they can have a more conscious, happy, mindful end. So the story about my mom is that, basically she had been following along, of course. you know, my mother and I are fairly close and she knew that me and my partner were struggling and that we were working really hard to try and find our, our way through it. And I pulled her aside and I sort of said, you know, mom, I've got. I've got some news for you. I've got an update. And she, you know, kind of braced herself in anticipation. And I said, I want to let you know that we have decided to end our marriage. We've decided to get a divorce. And she took a deep sigh in and out and then in a very familiar tone, one that I like to call the, you know, passive aggressive mom tone, she says to me, well, I guess I'm the only one that believes in happy endings. And I'm really proud of myself. I didn't react. I didn't have a, you know, what's known as maybe a knee jerk reaction, an impulsive reaction. Instead, I took a long, deep inhale and exhale as well, and I looked her dead in the eye, and I think I even put my hand on her shoulder, and I said, Mom, I want you to consider that this is a happy ending. And she had the best response. It was honest, and it was just ideal. She said, Okay. Okay. And, I mean, really, that's the most you can ask for when the, when the invitation is to consider. Just consider. You don't have to agree. You don't have to like it. You don't have to see it my way. You don't even have to make meaning of it in the same way I do. I just want you to consider, and she said okay, and I, and I believed her, and I, and I do believe her, and so I love that as a part of kind of launching into my story because it really does speak to the pride I have in the unfolding and unraveling of my own marriage, um, and And it was supported by my own psychedelic work and my own microdosing work. That is a part of it. Had I not chosen to use psychedelics as an assistant to my work, would I have arrived at the same decision? I believe that eventually I would have, but I think I got there sooner, which is one of the things we hear a lot about when we hear about psychedelics. We hear people say, well, it can really expedite healing and it can. And for me it did. It expedited getting to clarity. Um, and I love to remind folks about the definition, the origins of the word psychedelics. So the root of the word psychedelic comes from two different words, psyche, which is defined as mind or soul, and then the delic portion of the word, comes from a definition that means manifesting. And then I like to break down manifesting, so, so stick with me here. So manifest, again, is one of those words that it's two different words combined to make one. And it essentially means bringing something into clarity. Making something visible. And so, I think that I really like anchoring in the definition of the word. Because the definition itself really does speak to the experience that you, that a person can have when they are having a psychedelic experience. And it certainly is for me. I also like to remind people that psychedelic experience doesn't have to include ingesting a hallucinogenic substance. There is a way to enter into a psychedelic experience that doesn't include a substance. Breath work, whether it's transformational circular breath work, holotropic breath work, meditation can also bring you into a psychedelic space. I think childbirth is also very psychedelic. You know, if we also define psychedelic as altered state of consciousness, expanded state of consciousness, I think many of us really do resonate with this curiosity around our conscious experience of the world and our unconscious experience. I can't speak for others, but I have talked many times about my vivid dream world that I am someone that has these vivid, rich dreams. I mean, really, since I was a young child, I mean, I can remember a dream I had when I was like seven years old. And so this curiosity about like what is happening that is so beyond our, our, our ability to see or understand, you know, being curious about altered states of consciousness is a human condition. and the other thing I think that's important to highlight is these medicines work alongside the work you're already doing, so it's going to enhance potentially. What you're already doing. So did I, you know, did I have a psychedelic experience and then all of a sudden came to the conclusion I was going to end my marriage? No. Did I microdose and slowly chipped away at the love I had for my partner? Absolutely not. Did psychedelics prevent me from grieving? No. Did they get in the way of. Me having feelings of self doubt and crumbling on the ground at times in confusion and sadness. Sorry, no, they didn't. But guess what they did do? They helped me see the truth of those moments. They helped me believe in my own strength and ability to make meaning of those moments. One of the things that I love most about these medicines is their capacity to soften our defenses. You know, often referred to in the psychedelic space as sort of quieting what's called the default mode network. If we set aside the term, You know, what does it mean? It means they have this ability to really help us get out of our way, our own way, get out of our heads and get into our hearts, our bodies. Many people, including myself, have experienced a long list of positive benefits to both microdosing and having bigger psychedelic experiences. And they include, you know, improved sleep, less irritability, um, being able to think more creatively, think outside the box, get unstuck. Uh, increased confidence, decreased social anxiety, decreased traumatic responses. You know, that, that feeling that we all have when we're in fight or flight. And they're not magic fixes. The medicines work best when there is a trusted guide. psychedelic medicine is not for everyone. For me. psychedelics really helped cut out that noise and helped me return to myself, helped me take back and reclaim being the architect of my own life. They helped me and they helped my partner in many ways to, to get clear that manifest, right? To get clear about what we wanted and what was going to be in the best interest of not just us, but our community. But our two lovely ladies, you know, and so we entered into a conscious uncoupling that term I said we would come back to, conscious uncoupling made popular by the amazing Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin but actually it is an approach that has been, that is coined by catherine Woodward. I will also refer to it as a mindful, uncoupling, amicable, loving uncoupling. That's a part of what I'm promoting as well. In the practice. My offerings with microdose, your marriage is to help support couples that have decided to end and to remind them and role model that happy endings are possible. It is possible to have amicable, it is possible to have loving. I do believe that where appropriate psychedelics can be very helpful in that arena. I think they have the potential to be tremendously helpful. You know, there's research that is looking at ways that psychedelics are used in conflict resolution. And I, I won't give it a, give too much away because in an upcoming episode, I am so delighted to share that the amazing Natalie Ginsberg, who's the global officer with MAPS, for those of you that don't know, MAPS is the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Science. She's going to be coming on as a guest to talk about conflict resolution and psychedelics, as well as couples work and to share her wisdom. We'll definitely stay tuned in. We'll come back to that topic of, of some of the evidence that's available around how these medicines are effective at helping, to soften and help us essentially return to our humanity to cut through the bullshit, to cut through our resentment and anger and all of that stuff that comes up when we feel offended or. You know, and, and it's, and it's valid. I mean, get offended if someone's offended you, right? Tap into your rage if it's warranted for sure. And it's possible in a safe, supported environment to get to a place where that's not the thing in charge that the rage and the resentment and the hurt isn't running your life, that instead. That inner core self, that part of you that is softer, that is determined, that is clear about who you are and what you want, that part should be running, should be managing your ship, so to speak, your relationship, the one with yourself and the one with others. You see what I did there? I do like nautical metaphors quite a bit. navigating waters, right? The captain of your ship. Relationships, the relationships ship. Okay. I think I'm going to get in the weeds there. Reign it in. It's the first episode. You don't want people to tune out too soon. yes. Psychedelics have helped in my own journey to show up as my better self, my best self, mostly. Not always. I'm not kidding anybody. I am not perfect. I make mistakes all the time, but it improves the probability that I am able to show up as my best self and, and it feels better when I'm able to do that. And the other thing is This is not something that is to be used as a consistent intervention. I mean, you know, a lot of individuals benefit from one psychedelic journey and then integrating, weaving, making sense of and meaning into their lived experience in everyday life. And then microdosing is a little bit different, I won't go into the details of that in this episode because I also have a guest that I'm very excited about Who is really the the leading expert in microdosing. His name is Dr. James Fadiman. I also, in my book, refer to him as the modern day Mary Poppins of microdosing. So if you want to hear more about that, stay tuned in because he'll be in an upcoming episode and we may even talk about as he has read that part of my book, I mean, I was like on the floor in disbelief, you know, my jaw dropped to the ground. I was like, you want to read my little old me? You want to read my stuff? Oh my gosh, yes! And like, be nice. No. Anyway, so he, he's read it, you know, he's, he's a delightful human. And, he's going to talk more in an upcoming episode about, about microdosing, about protocols, about what he has learned in his, you know, 50 years of research. For now where I'll leave my own microdose, your marriage story is, ultimately. I do believe that psychedelics helped my partner and I come to this softer place where we really surrendered and acknowledged that it was time, it was time to end. And we asked ourselves, we then were soft enough, you know, with the other work we were already doing, to ask the question of what do we want this ending to look like? What do we want it to be like for ourselves and for our children? And we landed on three words. Honest, brave, and kind. Honest, brave, and kind. And I really believe and I wouldn't be in the profession I'm in if I didn't believe this. I believe that most people, if they are given an opportunity with support, with love, with curiosity and a nonjudgmental stance, when they can cut through fear and hurt and rage and resentment and get to that core center, you know, like their juicy Tootsie Roll center, that they will arrive in the same arena. Wouldn't it be great if we could do this in a way that was honest, brave and kind. Honest, brave and kind. I'm going to keep saying it. I'm going to drill it into your minds. If you feel yourself activated when you're hearing me talk about My own story at arriving at a conscious uncoupling and an amicable loving place and you're thinking that would never happen for me I could never do that. My ex is just too awful and too toxic, etc. I will remind you That it actually doesn't take two to tango in this particular dance. All it takes is one So you may be in a partnership where the person is not capable or ready or for whatever reason, they can't get there or they don't want to, right? That doesn't mean you can't, you can still do everything in your power to explore what's your part and what are your feelings and how are they valid and be tender with them and gentle and really get in there and try to cut through it. To get to the place of being able to connect with your truth, what you want, and what you need. So the final piece of my story that I want to share is less about my conscious uncoupling and more about other things that I'm really proud of that have come out of the work I'm already doing when we are working on ourselves, when we have the courage, when we find the courage to do it afraid and to move through, we absolutely become kinder and more loving to ourselves and others. And it's a ripple effect. The healthier we are. The healthier all of our interactions are going to be every single one of them. When I'm in a place of calm peace, when I'm in a place of humility and grace, there's a ripple effect so I want to share a story to end here. That's a part of the work, I'm trying to, to do in the world for myself and for others and that involves listening to my inner compass. This is inner compass work. I even have sometimes called myself an internal compass doctor having the wisdom to know what is my intuition telling me? Can I trust it right now? And if I can I'm gonna let it guide me And that kind of moment Manifested Using that word again, manifested when I created the space to record this first episode. And I will tell you full confession, I have images of my, of my amazing, four days on the coast when I sat down to record this episode and I'm not wearing this and this isn't a backdrop. And what that tells you is this actually is now like the ninth take. of the first episode. And that's okay. I didn't realize that I needed to get my footing, get some, have some rehearsals or something. And I did. I knew I needed to leave the bubble of my life and shut out the noise of all the things, the things I love, and also the things that I don't love so much, all the distractions and to create this, you know, really protected bubble for my creative process. And so I did. So I went to this amazing town, On the Oregon coast called Port Orford. And I'd never been there. I knew I wanted to be on the coast. I knew I wanted to stay in Oregon. And I wanted an affordable place with a view. And so it was, that was where I landed. And it was meant to be. So, I traveled to Port Orford and I set up a little nest for myself put on my, my, the special outfit, the outfit that I wore when I did some photos for my new website. It's this brilliant forest green, Corduroy 70s jumpsuit is pretty great. It's pretty great. I will say, it was hot, the place had AC, so I was like, Oh, I'm going to use this to my advantage. And, you know, turned up the AC, put on my polyester suit and recorded the episode that, you know, you'll never see because it was, it just, it wasn't good. But. You know, I set the intention and it was about the space. It was about really kind of showing up, with thoughtfulness I was hunkered down, you know, like recording an album, like don't mess with me while I, while I do this. So. I did get a message from the host of the place I was staying at, and she told me that there was an art walk happening, and that in their small little town, it's a really fun time to get to know the locals and explore the amazing artists that have, that have anchored and planted roots in Port Orford. And initially, I had this reaction of like, no, I'm not doing that. As much as I love art, I'm not gonna do that. potentially disrupt my flow. So then I had this little thought come up, and I knew better than to dismiss it. And the thought was, you know, wouldn't it be great if in this little town on the Oregon coast, Where you came to record your first episode you found an artist that could design the cover of your book. Wouldn't that be amazing? And as soon as I thought it, I was like, that's it. I gotta go see. I gotta go see. I can't have thought it and not, that just would have been totally out of alignment with how I'm trying to listen to my internal internal wisdom and, and just signs from the universe, you know? So I did. So I set out, I left my bubble and I went for a walk and I went to the first gallery that I saw. And it was a movie moment, and I want to share it with you because I met a delightful human that I'm going to highlight in this episode, and I'm excited for him to hear it, and his wife, who I didn't get to meet. So I go into this gallery, and it was a movie moment in that, you know, nobody was in there, and it's this really sweet space. It's, it, it reminded me of sort of like a converted cottage. And it, I open the door and it sort of creaks as it opens. There's like some sort of sound. I don't know if it was a bell or something. And then it shuts behind me. And I take in, you know, the space with all of these beautiful landscapes of, you know, ocean landscapes and sunsets and rises. And I'm already feeling glad that I disrupted my flow to take this in, to, to be in this moment with this art. And I see this, the only person in the shop is, is a man and his back is to me. And, you know, within a matter of seconds he turns around and he apologizes, he was like eating his lunch at the time. And I gotta tell you, he was a delight to take in. He was not what I was expecting, which says maybe more about my own preconceived notions about small towns on the coast. He just wasn't, you know, he was younger than what I would have thought would be a gallery owner. He was, yeah, he was just, he was just a delight to take in. He had these really cool circular glasses on and he had a bit of a sort of cool disheveled artist look and he was just instantly disarming, you know, which I appreciated. Um, and we got to talking. And one of the things he asked was, he knew I was a tourist. I mean, it's a very small town. And so he said, you know, what brings you to Port Orford? And I hesitated for a moment because, again, I was trying to protect my bubble. And then I remembered, that I think sharing authentically and trying to be more vulnerable as a form of education and as a form of destigmatizing and role modeling and all those things is to just tell it like it is. And so I did, I said, well, you know, I'm here writing a book and recording my podcast and it's called micro dose, your marriage. And it's about psychedelics and relationship wellness. And, that's what I'm doing here. His beautiful face lit up and he smiled and he said, Wow, that is so exciting. I'm a really big fan of wellness and of psychedelics. And I thought what an amazing response. And then he went on to share that he had just been in a film about his own life story, a short film, a 12 minute film. And the film is called if I tell them and at this moment, so imagine this movie moment we're having in real life, people now come in to the gallery and I feel a shift like we're having this vulnerable moment where we're sharing, about psychedelics and wellness and our own stories and in walks, you know, these people. So, even the title, I didn't know much about what is, what is the story. I mean, he just said it's about my story, and it's vulnerable. And it's, you know, check it out if you want to. And we, we exchanged other words and, and then we wrapped it up. And I said, I'm, I'm going to absolutely go and listen to this film. And I will tell you the gallery owner, the lovely artist and human that I'm talking about, his name is James Samsel. He's also a fly fishing guide alongside his, wife and they have a little one and they have planted roots in Port Orford and his story is a really beautiful one. so I leave the gallery, I go back to my little nest and I tell myself I'm going to watch this 12 minute film, you know, this was great. And I'm secretly thinking like maybe, maybe James is the one that's gonna design my book cover. Like, I mean, I did it. I went out I saw I met this delightful artist human and it's kind of a no brainer, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna check him out for still I'm gonna kind of figure out what he's all about before I before I really decide as if I needed any more evidence. Clearly I did. So I watched this 12 minute film. I was I was moved to tears. You know, and I even can, I remember those tears even now. I was moved to tears because it's a beautiful film. You know, the cinematography is amazing. The footage is beautiful. Most of it takes place, I think all of it takes place outdoors. But I was brought to tears because it was a story he's sharing in that film in that film. about this fear he lives with, that if he tells people about his mental health struggles, if he tells people, if he tells them, right? That's the title of the film. If he tells them about his mental health struggles, that they will dismiss him. That they will be afraid. And he lives with that, even with his, with his, you know, his wife and his family. He lives with this, with this fear around whether or not he will be fully accepted and loved. And so I was brought to tears by his story and the vulnerability, but I was also brought to tears because it symbolizes the whole purpose of the podcast and the book and my life's work, which is to normalize mental health struggles, to normalize being curious about conscious altering states and medicines that could potentially be helpful in expediting healing, to highlight the power of vulnerability And how often vulnerability inspires vulnerability. Moments of connection. That moment of connection, although brief with James, absolutely sealed his position as the future designer of my book cover. So James, you're hired. And do check out the film and check out his work. and take this as an invitation to go out there and have your own moment like that. Where you share about yourself and what you're doing in your life in an authentic way and see what unfolds. The more we're out there doing that, the more it normalizes it for others. So, that's my Ending of this very first episode