Micro Moment: A Miscarriage Moment

"Micro Moments"
Episode 1: A Miscarriage Moment

In the first Micro Moment episode  Dr. Sabrina Hadeed shares a deeply personal and vulnerable story about her miscarriage. She explains the significance of making meaning from challenging experiences and the power of protecting one's grief. Dr. Hadeed recounts the emotional events, from sensitive raw details of the miscarriage experience itself, to finding solace in a friend's wisdom. She emphasizes the importance of open conversations about loss, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own vulnerable moments and share them with trusted others to transform these stories into representations of who they are - emphasizing meaning making. 

Stay connected with Dr. Sabrina Hadeed on Instagram @dr.sabrinhadeed

Learn more about Dr. Hadeed and the legal psilocybin program for individuals and couples operating in Bend, Oregon on her website:
www.loveandpsychedelics.co

Transcript

0:02

Welcome to the microdose, your marriage podcast. I am your host, Dr. Sabrina Hadeed and I'll be bringing you by weekly 10 minute episodes called micro-moments. Where I'll be sharing candid stories that highlight vulnerability and inspire what it really takes to live in alignment with your truth.

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This is the first micro moment episode, and the micro moment episodes are going to be 10 minute episodes that are posted and published alternating weeks to the full episodes. I'm going to start with an incredibly vulnerable story for this very first micro moment episode. And this is a story about my, a miscarriage that I experienced. My miscarriage, and for me, it's sort of anchored in three meaningful parts, and I'll talk about what those are. First, I want to give some context because it matters. So the context is I had had my first child with my husband, and we were, very delighted to find that we were pregnant again and growing, you know, potentially growing our family. Um, and so that's, where our minds and our hearts were at. And I was about 11 weeks along, we had started to tell immediate family and friends, and to allow ourselves to sort of dream about what this new being would bring to our lives and our, and our, and our little one's life and, and I started spotting. And so I called the OB and I got in, right away and went back by myself, to sort of figure out what's going on. And my husband waited in the waiting room. And the OB, you know, does a vaginal ultrasound because when you're early along in your pregnancy, that's the best way to really see what's happening. And so pretty quickly she confirmed that the fetus wasn't viable and that I was in fact miscarrying. And my whole body, understandably so started to, to quiver and cry. I started to, I started to sob and she allowed me to have this moment and, and I'll never forget, you know, she asked me right away, do you want me to bring your husband in? And I actually very quickly knew that I didn't. I said no. And, and through my, my tears, I said, I, I, I. What I know is that he's likely going to want to move away from this moment sooner than what I need and so I just want to sit here and cry and that's the first that it's an important moment because you know Many of us don't have and it's a really powerful choice to make it was the choice to protect My own grief what I needed in that moment to know what I needed even to connect with it And so I had my moment and, and cried and then, you know, when it was time, I let my husband know what was going on and, you know, we proceeded to talk with the doctor about options and I chose to go home and, and let it run its course and then have a follow up appointment. And so we went home, sort of heavy hearted, and I prepared a nest as I often do, when something powerful is happening. And so I, hunkered down in, in my room and made sure my daughter and my husband were giving me space and I created this cocoon. I even brought a TV into the bedroom, which I don't normally have. And I don't know if it's sort of my dark sense of humor, but I, I turned on a vampire series. Dark humor being, you know, a miscarriage is a messy, bloody, painful, um, both physically and emotionally, uh, thing to go through. And somehow I felt that a vampire series was the right thing to be playing in the background of this moment in my life. So, I'm letting this run its course. I'm letting this run its course and it was about two o'clock in the morning. I felt this urgency to use the bathroom and I went to the bathroom and felt a heavier flow, you know, sort of pass through me. And I looked down at the red stained toilet bowl to see a fully intact Transparent sack with the, you know, 10 to 11 week fetus in it. And no one had prepared me for that moment. I didn't even know such a thing was possible. And I was paralyzed in that moment, an existential paralysis where I was exceptionally tired. And, uh, and didn't know what to do. And I sort of had this thought of like, am I supposed to do something? Am I supposed to scoop this up and plant it in a flower bed or in the soil beneath a tree? I didn't know what to do. And then I, my mind flashed to, a reference, I think from finding Nemo, the kids movie where all roads lead to the ocean. And so I unceremoniously flushed the toilet and dragged my tired, pained body back to bed and in the days that followed, I shared this moment with a dear, trusted friend of mine And, and she said something to me that I. That was so important and I, and I love it and I will gift it to end this episode. She said, you know, I like to think that that being gained something by being with you for that duration. And I let that sink in and I appreciated it so much. This idea that we don't get to know why these things happen but we get to make meaning of them. And how we make meaning helps us take back the power of our stories. And for me, that miscarriage story will always be anchored in the, in the three parts, you know, the, the first was letting myself have the grief that I felt was necessary and needed. Being protective of it, in fact. And the second was that existential moment I had on the toilet. And the third was that gift, that wisdom, that my friend had given me,

6:55

so my hope for the takeaways from this first. Micro-moments episode. Is that you will. Scan. Your vulnerable stories, maybe their stories of loss or challenge. And allow yourself. Some compassion and space to make meaning of those moments and to give them a voice. Because the more we can talk about with trusted others and even just take the time to reflect on things ourselves. The more, we, the more those stories don't define us, but instead. Become. Representations. Of who we are as a whole. How we make sense of. How we generate meaning. And of course sharing with others is that ripple effect. It gives other people the permission to share. I do. Genuinely hope. They didn't sharing my miscarriage story. That it gives all women who have experienced. Uh, miscarriage. Permission. To speak more openly about it. Even if it's just with trusted friends or family. To let go of. Make sense of.