Micro Moment: The shades of a micro lie

Ten-minute episodes entitled "Micro Moments" drop alternating weeks.  Listen to Sabrina share brief 10 minute candid stories of the "micro moments" in our lives that often shape who we are as a whole and become forces that give us meaning. 

Navigating Parenting: Owning Up to Micro Lies and Teaching Integrity

In this candid micro moment episode, discover an honest parenting story about navigating the complexities of minor, well-intentioned lies—termed 'micro lies.' Dr. Sabrina Hadeed shares a personal and proud moment involving a decision to lie about their child's age to enroll her in a summer program. Despite their initial intent, the child's discomfort with dishonesty brought a valuable lesson on integrity and accountability. This heartfelt episode highlights the significance of owning up to mistakes, valuing open communication, and maintaining alignment with one's truth.

00:00 Introduction to Micro Moments
00:28 The Concept of Micro Lies
01:02 The Parenting Dilemma
02:37 The Child's Perspective
04:35 Taking Responsibility
07:25 Resolution and Reflection

Stay connected with Dr. Sabrina Hadeed on Instagram @dr.sabrinhadeed

Learn more about Dr. Hadeed and the legal psilocybin program for individuals and couples operating in Bend, Oregon on her website:
www.loveandpsychedelics.co

Transcript

dr--sabrina-hadeed_1_09-02-2024_143124: 0:00

Welcome to another micro moment episode. These are 10 minute episodes where I drop in briefly to share candid stories of vulnerability and what it takes to really live in alignment with your truth. So today's story is another, personal share about a parenting moment that I had, that I am proud of despite the missteps along the way. So this has to do with what I call micro lies. These are the little white tails. These. You know, well intended lies that maybe we tell, that we believe are fairly harmless, calculated decisions, so to speak. If you can't relate to that, then I would love to talk with you because there's nobody I know that doesn't tell little white lies. So I want to know how you do it. How do you live your life without, ever, Stretching the truth a little bit. Maybe it's possible. But this story is about a parenting moment that I had with my co parenting partner. And, you know, one of our little ones is a summer baby, she was born in the summer. And so that means that a lot of the age, cutoffs are a little tricky, you know, and that goes for a lot of summer programs. And so we had had this summer program that we had, tried to enroll her in the summer before. And because she wasn't going to be, you know, the right age, I think at the time it was like five, by the start, she wasn't going to be able to start. So we had to keep her back at home for the first two to three weeks of the program until she was, you know, the appropriate age. This most recent time that it happened again, it was at a different summer program and we were going to miss the cutoff by two weeks. And so we decided to fill out her application and just lie about her birthday. Initially, it felt like a very low risk lie. You know where I'm going with this, right? Like we always do this as humans. We think things are, we think that, you know, sort of not telling the truth or telling the truth on our own terms that it can sometimes be low risk and maybe it can. A fairly low risk lie, right? We just. She just changed her birth date on the application to make it a few weeks earlier so that she would be, you know, six and be able to start with her peer group. And we thought nothing of it, you know, got her into the program, paid the admission fee, et cetera. And then as it gets closer to the start of the program, our little girl starts to get really excited about her birthday. As most six year olds are, and the more excited she's getting, the more she's talking about it. And my co parenting partner and I were like, shoot, you know, we're going to have to coach her a little bit on maybe not talking about her birthday so much when she gets to the summer program. And so we let her in on our little white micro lie. And initially she just kind of rolled with it. And then a few days went by and, I couldn't be more proud. of this moment I'm about to tell you about. So she comes to me and she says, Hey mom, I want to tell you something, you know, her six year old or her almost six year old self, I said, okay, you know, what is it? And she says, I don't really think it's right that you and daddy telling me that I have to lie to the summer program. I don't think that's right. It's not really right to tell lies and it doesn't feel good. And I had, you know, I think a moment that a lot of parents can relate to where I was like, shit, this is going to be a defining moment as a parent, you know, what road am I going to choose and how is it going to impact the rest of her life? Right? Cause the stakes are high on these moments. It's not really, but sometimes we often think they are, and then it's like, Oh, it's, it's going to be okay. Anyway. So I am weighing pros and cons as quickly as I can in my mind. And ultimately I landed on validating what she was saying, you know, just, you know, And, and telling her, I'm going to have to talk to dad and let me think about what you're saying. You know, just, just basically like, I hear you kiddo, you know, you're right. It isn't okay to tell lies and you're right, we are asking you to, and that, and that doesn't feel right. I can, you know, thank you for telling me that. I'm so proud of you. And so I sat with it and I thought about it and I reached out to my co parenting partner and I said, listen, I think we have to come clean. I don't think we can ask her to do this. and he, and he agreed, you know, ultimately. And when I was thinking about it, thinking about why, you know, the various why, why's around not being able to, to stick to the lie, the most important one was coming to the realization that we were not just asking her to lie about her birthday. We were asking her to silence. The greatest joy she carries in this world, which is celebrating her birthday and coming together and presents and all the things that come along with the excited six year old world, right? We were asking her to silence her joy, to silence her joy. Not okay. Not a good parenting call And so now I had to make it right, you know? And so, my, my ex and I decided I'm, I'm better at those negotiations, And so I said, okay, I, I ended up going by myself. The first day was fast approaching. So the first day approaches and she's supposed to be there at nine. So I went early. I went at like 7 a. m. to see if I could find somebody. And I said, I need to speak with somebody that is in charge at helping to manage the summer program. I've got to talk about a situation with a, you know, birthday. And they said, well, why don't you know, you can just pass the message on to me. And I said, no, I, you know, I really, I'm so sorry, but I really do need to speak to somebody in leadership. So they got the, the summer program manager or whatever. And I, you know, with my tail between my legs, I said, listen, I just, I came here as a mom to tell you that we lied about our daughter's birthday because she didn't meet the cutoff criteria. She isn't going to be six for another two weeks. And I had, I think what's called like a, taking accountability without getting in the weeds of, of why and like justifying it. Cause I think we all have a tendency to do that. So I succinctly and with humility said, okay, here's the deal. So, her dad and I had made a decision to, to lie on the application. And then as we got closer to this first day, our daughter let us know she didn't feel good about having to lie. And ultimately she's right. And I was really proud of her in that moment. And their eyes are lighting up as they're hearing me tell the story. And they're like, this is so great. You know, you should be so proud of her. And We don't ever want to ask kids to lie. You know, they coached, they were coaching me a bit as a parent. And I'm like, you're right, you're right. And I deserve this. And they said, it's okay. She can start, she can start today. And she is welcome to talk as much as she wants about her, you know, birthday that's happening in six weeks and we'll celebrate with her and, and it all ended up being, being okay. And so I got to go back and tell her, Hey, we, you know, you don't have to lie and thank you for telling us. And you were right. And we're sorry. So, you know, we role modeled that we're not perfect. And, it's safe and, and important for her to be able to come and talk to us about the things that don't sit right with her, the things she doesn't agree with. And, I hope that what this leaves you with is this invitation to consider, The moments where you maybe have very well intended, low risk micro lies that you're telling and the impact is greater than what you could have imagined. Give yourself some grace, take a deep breath, channel maybe your inner me and, make it right. It's the most we can do in this world. Do our best, own up to our mistakes and try to make it right.