Micro Moments: Relationships, Resentment, and a Micro Meditation

In this Micro Moment episode of the Microdose Your Marriage podcast, Dr. Sabrina Hadeed delves into the theme of resentment within relationships. Reflecting on common struggles faced by couples, she explains the origins and meaning of resentment, emphasizing its impact not only on romantic relationships but also on interactions with family, friends, and coworkers. Dr. Hadeed offers a two-part approach to address resentment: understanding one’s unmet needs and communicating effectively. 

The episode concludes with a guided body scan meditation, providing listeners a practical tool to process their feelings and find momentary relief.

00:00 Introduction to Micro Moments

00:40 Today's Topic: Resentment

01:45 Understanding Resentment

02:31 Addressing Resentment in Relationships

05:35 Guided Meditation for Resentment

12:09 Conclusion and Staying Connected

Stay connected with Dr. Sabrina Hadeed on Instagram @dr.sabrinhadeed

Learn more about Dr. Hadeed and the legal psilocybin program for individuals and couples operating in Bend, Oregon on her website:
www.loveandpsychedelics.co

Transcript

dr--sabrina-hadeed_2_09-17-2024_171323: 0:01

Welcome to another micro moment episode brought to you by the micro dose, your marriage podcast, and me, your host, Dr. Sabrina Hadid. These episodes are shorter, typically less than 10 minutes long. And the intention is to bring you candid stories that in some way exemplify What it means to really live in alignment with your truth. For today's Migra Moment episode, I'm going to do things a little differently. I'm actually going to talk about a specific topic, and then I'm going to guide A very brief meditation as a part of dropping in with that topic. And the topic I want to discuss is resentment. Why talk about resentment? Recently when I was presenting to a group of people, I was asked the question around the couple's work that I do. The question was, what is the thing that you're seeing most in your couple's work? What is the thing that people are bringing to you when they say, I'm struggling with this? And of course, I could give you a list of the top five and you can probably guess what they are. But rather than give the list, I decided to focus on the theme that arises more than most. And that is the theme of resentment. Resentment is one of those things that can be such a big barrier and block in any relationship, not just romantic ones. But relationship with siblings, with your parents, with a coworker, with friends, with people in your circle. So a lot of couples come in and they are struggling with that block of resentment. if you've listened to other episodes of mine, you know that I love breaking down the definition of words.

1:51

The definition of resentment comes from two different words, rI and sentiment or send tear. And the re is of course. To happen again. And then the sentiment part is feelings. So this comes from. Our systems, right. Or. Beautiful brains. And our spirits. And our bodies. Wanting us to revisit. A feeling. Tending to resentment. Is of course going to be complicated and contextual. And another ways there is. Uh, default a simple. Practice, you can take. To try and tend to the resentment. And it's two different parts. One is the one for yourself. The person struggling with resentment. And the other is an invitation to. Your partner, whoever that might be the partner in the dynamic. To first check in with when it comes to yourself, check in with what is the unmet need here? What part of me feels wronged. For most people it has to do with not feeling heard. Cared for loved. Considered. Right. This feeling of, I matter, And how I felt about whatever it is that was done or said matters. It can be really helpful. To first soften and look at the resentment as an unmet need. This person. Felt wronged. Whether I agree with the perception or not. That's real. And so I'm going to do my best. To help them. Believe that I have heard them. And that I do care. And keep it simple and keep it about that. So this can be done with a really standard default of. Parenting or mirroring, reflecting back what the person is saying. So if it's about, I'm really pissed. You said you were going to attend this event with me and then he blew it off. Like he didn't matter. Or whatever the thing is, the best thing to do is to say you're right. I'm so sorry. Or if that's too far, because you really don't feel like they're right. Reflect what you hear. I can tell you're really upset. It was important to you that I attend that event and I didn't. And that sucks and I'm, and I am sorry. For how that felt. And that's it. You don't launch into excuses or justifications or context, you can come back to that. Later. If the person who feels the resentment. Is open to it. To say, Hey, I'd like to help you understand where I was coming from. Are you open to hearing my perspective? And guess what if the person isn't, you've gotta be able to hear that. Right. So if I'm like, actually, no, I don't want to hear about your side of things. I'm still kind of pissed. That means they still got resentment. Meaning their system wants to revisit the feeling because it hasn't been resolved. So that's your cue. Resentment is your queue. The continue to be soft. And tender. And respect their longing and unmet need. And it takes patience.

dr--sabrina-hadeed_2_09-17-2024_171323: 5:11

And it is, as I said before, one of the biggest blocks. Many, experts have talked about this long before me because it's that important. So in this moment together, while you're thinking about Whatever resentment it is that's getting in the way of you feeling connected with your partner, your person. I want to invite you to do a brief body scan with me. And guess what? You don't have to meditate in a cross legged position on the ground without any other distractions. It's ideal. Yeah. And it's not always accessible. So I'm going to meet you wherever you are in this moment to just take inventory. what is your body feeling? As you consider this concept of and you consider this idea that the root of the word It means your system is asking you to revisit a feeling because you haven't felt resolve. And just notice, maybe you feel that a lot of people do feel it in their chest, in their heart center. However, I often feel it in my neck and shoulders where I hold on, that gripping feeling. Wherever it is in your body in this moment, allow yourself to draw attention to it, taking a deep breath in and let it out and breathing normally, allowing that deep inhale and exhale to take its effect in your body and scanning where is it that you feel anything when you think of this idea of resentment and taking it out. Your awareness from your heart's center down to your belly and your hips and even your kneecaps down to your toes. And if you're standing, notice your toes and your feet firmly planted on the ground. If you're seated, notice your sit bones, where they meet whatever you're sitting on, and thank that part of your body for holding you up as you hold all of these things And drawing your mind's eye as you've done this body scan to that notion of something you resent, that thing you haven't been able to let go of, and rather than judge it, just notice it, and I want to invite you to give it a color. Maybe it also has a temperature. I know for me, when I am tapping into resentment, it's usually heated and fiery and desperate, urgent. And maybe for you, it's different. Thank you. Maybe when you check in with the color and the temperature, perhaps it's blue, maybe it's cold and distant. Just notice without judgment. And I'd like you to take another series of deep breaths with me. In and out. And I'll guide you through taking a deep breath in and letting it out, feeling what it's like to that two more times on your own, as you listen to the sound of my voice, guiding you through this connecting with where you feel it in your body and this letting go and breathing normally, but staying attuned to your breath and to your body. Hear me when I say this part of you is valid, it's important, it matters, that you felt unseen, unheard, invalidated, whatever it is, and it hasn't been able to be repaired and it really sucks. And imagine right now as you take another deep breath in and out that you are being seen and heard. Just imagine. For a moment that this part of you is being acknowledged and take a deep breath in and out Attempting to practice this beautiful art of letting go You can pick it back up again if it's important later Just take a break from it. Invite your nervous system to take a break from holding on to it and on this final inhale and exhale together You I'm going to ask you to hold it at the top and I'm going to guide you to releasing it. So go ahead and take a deep breath in and then hold it at the top and hold it and notice how holding changes it and then let it go. Deep exhale and just linger for a moment in the letting go of it, in that pause, in that respite, in that peace that exists when we take a break, even if temporarily. The hope is that As you move forward with your day, after this brief dropping in together, with the definition of resentment, re visiting a feeling, where you're holding it and you're not ready to let go, and it maybe has a temperature and a color, that it's been a helpful invitation, and that you've been able to, even if just for a moment, treat it like it does matter. as always, I wanna thank you for tuning in. I hope you stay connected by subscribing following along on Instagram at Microdose Your Marriage, or Dr. Sabrina Hadid. You can also check out my website at www.microdoseyourmarriage.com.