Micro Moment: Grace and my Crime Scene Face (solo parenting survival moments)

In this ten minute Micro Moment Episode, Dr. Hadeed shares a simple, humorous moment during bedtime routine where a bloody nose turns into a reflection on grief and loneliness, emphasizing the importance of allowing oneself to feel and process emotions. Dr. Hadeed advocates for tending to grief by recognizing and sharing the 'in-between' moments in life where laughter can become tears, inviting others to embrace their own emotional journeys and understand they are not alone.

Stay connected with Dr. Sabrina Hadeed on Instagram @dr.sabrinhadeed

Learn more about Dr. Hadeed and the legal psilocybin program for individuals and couples operating in Bend, Oregon on her website:
www.loveandpsychedelics.co

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to another Micro Moment episode. I am your host, Dr. Sabrina Hadid. So for today's episode, I've been conflicted about what to focus on knowing that this episode would be released on Veterans Day. I naturally thought about focusing on a moment with my grandfather. He was a career military man. He served in the Army as a Green Beret Major for Much of his life and we said goodbye to him when he died about two and a half years ago and his death was a beautiful death. And I thought about talking about that, about his end of life and about end of life work, because it is something that I'm increasingly more and more drawn to and am at times working within that space as a death doula. And the intersection between end of life work and psychedelics is one that I feel really interested in and passionate about. I also had this idea that it might be important to focus on the post 2024 election energy that is alive in many of us because of the divide in our country in this, in the United States and where I landed in terms of the focus for today's episode. It's on neither of those topics, but it is instead on a topic that is perhaps more mundane. It seemed fitting for some reason to focus on a story, a personal share about a micro moment that I recently had in my life where I bumped into. This place that can happen with grief and with processing, you know, life transitions where I felt surprised by some sadness that arose on the heels of laughter and joy You know, these micro moment episodes are intended to represent ways in which people or myself are really living in alignment with their truth. And amidst the energy post election and, and various things that happen in life, these pivotal events, so to speak, there's also just the life stuff. What I call the in between moments, these are the moments, the micro moments, so to speak, that really give us meaning So the story that I want to share is about bedtime routine at my house. And I want to dedicate this focus to all the mamas and papas that are either in the process of consciously uncoupling, have already uncoupled or gone through a divorce and are in a co parenting dance. So I was going through bedtime routine with my two little girls. And usually this is a time that's really lovely. I really enjoy it. You know, it involves sometimes bath time, reading stories, telling bedtime stories in the dark. So on this night we were trying to read books and it really wasn't going well. They both had a lot of energy. My two year old in particular was just really struggling to settle. Um, and so we wrapped up the story time, failed story time, I will say, and I, and I did turn off the lights and really tried to just be a calm presence to help them regulate and unwind. And we were trying to roll into telling bedtime stories. It's a really sweet time because my, especially my two and a half year old will, will say, you know, once upon a time, she always starts the story like that. It's so great. But tonight. We were having a hard time focusing and in this, high energetic time, my little one accidentally poked me in my nose pretty, pretty deep up there. And it was pretty painful. Um, and there was a lot of energy I was trying to, to manage. And so, although I experienced the searing pain and I was, um, You know, I couldn't think straight for a moment. I had to quickly move out of feeling that physical pain and move back into being present with them. And they noticed that I was in pain. And so I think that actually helped for some reason, I think they took it seriously and they felt bad. I said, it's okay. Mommy's okay. And I was just, just got hurt. And then we rolled into a thankfully uneventful, making up our bedtime stories. And they eventually fell asleep and I snuck out and went to do my own routine. And when I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, I looked in the mirror and it turns out that this poke in my nose had caused a bloody nose. And I didn't realize. And so I had, you know, my face looked a bit like a crime scene and I had this dried blood, on my face and on my hands from my, from this nosebleed. And it just made me laugh really a good belly laugh. You know, I just looked ridiculous. Um, and then my laughter, I turned to tears and I felt sad, really sad. And I think I felt sad in that moment because I didn't have anybody to laugh with about the sight of my face. And I think when I reflect back on it, it felt like it just was shining a light on, on these. These little moments of loneliness, that you can have in your, in your co parenting journey when you no longer have a partner, there to support and be present for all of these just wild moments, and, and I share this because it, it surprised me, somebody that's an expert, so to speak in, in grief and, transitions even for me, I'm still human. And I still have these moments where I'm faced with unexpected waves of emotion. I know better than to stop myself when those tears come. And so I just let myself cry. And have the moment and then I was, I was okay, you know, it was temporary. It's a, it's a good reminder for anybody that's having these moments, the papas, the mamas to let yourself be tearful, to not judge your tears, to normalize them and to let them come out. I mean, our bodies are incredibly wise. And we often tear because there are feelings that need to be released. It's our body's way of releasing emoting. And if we don't allow ourselves to move through those moments with, with honesty, we end up stuffing those instead of expressing them and releasing them as they are longing to do as they come out in the form of tears. We stuff them. And when we do that, we're sending the message to ourselves that it's not okay. And we're also creating a bit of a pressure cooker within ourselves. And that pressure eventually has got to come out and it will come out in. Less honest ways, right? It'll come out in frustration. It'll come out as chronic, fatigue. It'll come out in, in various ways that we know emotions can manifest and yet the simplest healthiest way to allow your body to release is sometimes to just cry. And laugh. And I did both in that moment. And as a reminder, you know, grief can often come in waves for anybody that's been through loss, whether it's the loss of life or loss of job, loss of relationship, loss of something that you really wanted that, that didn't work out for whatever reason. And no matter how beautifully you move through it, it can still surprise you. It can still sneak up on you as it did for me in that moment. And similar to other micro moment episodes, I also hope it highlights the importance of talking about these in between moments to feel less alone with it. You know, I, when I shared about this moment with my sister, her response was so great. She said, you know, these are the moments we don't talk about enough as, as moms and as dads. the hard days where we end up looking like something or someone tried to kill us. And I laughed and thought, that's so true. I think in our social media era, people have a tendency to show their best moments, right? Their most polished, beautiful parenting moments where they're just killing it, you know? And guess what? I have those moments 100 percent totally where I'm killing it. And then I've got the moments that I'm not photographing where my face looks like a crime scene and my body looks like it's been run over by a bus. I'm sort of a walking shell of my best self. And that is also worthy of being talked about, being put in the spotlight, being celebrated even like, you know what, this is hard. It's hard even in partnership, let alone as a, as a solo parent. So that's my humble, candid share for today. And my hope is that it's an invitation to check in with yourself, to check in with these micro moments that you yourself may be having along your journey and to be tender and loving. And just know that it's normal and you're not alone and it will pass. I do hope that you have enjoyed this micro moment episode. If you have the time, please leave a review, follow along and stay tuned in.