From the Runway to Fighting for My Life...How to overcome a stroke.

In this premiere episode, Kristen Toepfer takes you back to where it all began — the bright lights of New York Fashion Week, the runway, and the dream she had worked her entire life to reach. As an industrial engineer at UPS for nearly 20 years and a model who had just walked her first NYFW show for Supermodels Unlimited Magazine, Kristen was living two lives and loving every second of it. Then everything stopped.

Kristen opens up about the warning signs she pushed through during Fashion Week — the headaches, the neck pain, the feeling that something wasn’t right — and why she ignored them, because the show had to go on. She walks us through the night her life changed forever: waking up unable to move or speak, calling her husband John in a panic, and being rushed to the hospital where doctors told her family she might not survive the night.

This is the episode that started it all. Raw, honest, and told entirely in Kristen’s own words — no sugarcoating, no inspirational talk. Just the truth about what it feels like to go from walking a runway on top of the world to fighting for your life 24 hours later.

If you’ve ever ignored a warning sign because life was too busy to stop — this one is for you.

Subscribe, share, and follow Kristen’s journey at https://kristentoepfer.com.

Join Kristen and cohost Billy Montana for monthly episodes filled with advocacy, education, and inspiring conversations.

Together, let's raise awareness for stroke and aphasia and support each other on the journey to recovery.
http://kristentoepfer.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Hi everyone, I'm Billy Montana, and I'm here with Kristen Toper for our first official podcast, which is titled How to Recover from a Stroke. From the Yucky to the Funny. No holding back. Hi, Kristen. Good to see you. Great to see you.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

You too.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

All right. So tell me, um, so we kind of know you're I met you as a model from Supermodels on Living in Magazine. And you were modeling, and we're gonna put in a couple of pictures of you from Back in the Heyday. So I also remember that I was supposed to photograph you uh right after uh during New York Fashion Week. And it was a Saturday night we had the show, and I remember Kim coming up to me and saying, I don't know if Kristen's gonna be on your schedule tomorrow. She's not feeling good. So that's when it all happened. So take us through all that and tell us what happened that day.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Well it was New York Fashion Week, and I wasn't feeling good. I just I had a I had a bad headache, and I didn't feel well, so I canceled the shoot the following day, and then I had a stroke two days after after that. I had my the hemorrhagic stroke and that was I was metavactive to um a new a different hospital, and that's when I had part of my skull taken out and I was in a coma.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Tell me about because some people don't know because everybody gets a common headache. So tell us how that headache felt. Was it different from most headaches you had? Was it more painful? Was it centered in a certain spot?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

I guess it was the most painful one, and I was losing balance, and it was I guess I should have gone to uh a doctor, but I was too excited. It was my first time in North in New York fashionally, and uh I have a tendency just to pull push through no matter what I was going to do.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Okay, um, so that headache, that worst headache that you ever had, so on a scale from one to ten, what kind of headache was it?

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Probably about a nine, and that's why I kind of and I just sat around before it was time to go. I just sat and laid around on luggage.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Was it constant? Was it like a constant pounding type headache or like really yeah, okay. Um, and I just want to say this because some people, you know, warning signs. So if you knew now, if you knew then what you know now, tell me what um like what are the symptoms like that you today would know immediately, like oh, I'm having a stroke.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

Um it it was uh thought it was a migraine, and I ended up having a stroke in my sleep, and then I woke up with I couldn't move, I couldn't talk. Um thankfully I called my husband, and then we got right to the hospital. But if you start swirling swer swirling your words, and your arm starts to feel heavy, and you just don't feel right, you really need to go to the hospital. And if you have the worst headache of your life, you should really go to the hospital. It's like worse than a migraine. You should really get checked out.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

So you feel a lot of pressure? Yes, it was more than a generate more towards your back or more up here, or where was it?

SPEAKER_01 5:59

It was right around here, and that's where right in the front?

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Yes, on your left side, yes, yeah. Okay, so did you regularly at that time monitor your blood pressure?

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Nope.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Did you know that you had high blood pressure or anything like that?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

No, I was 110 pounds, and I didn't think that was a applied to me.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Right, right. Um did you have any warning signs before that? Like, were there any things like was your left side of your face hurting or your jaw or your uh arms or anything like that?

SPEAKER_01 6:45

I was taking hormones for I was in I had a hysterectomy, and I also was smoking at the time. Um not that it was you're not supposed to, but I smoked more at work and not at home, but it's that doesn't make it right. But uh they said I sh was smoking on I was taking premrin and they said that was plus stress would be the ultimate cause cause of the stroke.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

Right. Now you worked for UPS for like 20 years, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 7:41

And so was that a stressful job for you? Is that contributed to your stress or was it other things? Was it work stress, personal stress?

SPEAKER_01 7:49

Yeah, I think it was more personal stress and the the hormones. So that's all I wanted to tell women that that can happen, especially people now who think was always saying, Oh, stroke happens to old older people, but it people are getting them younger and younger because of the vapes and the drugs and all the invincible people that think that could happen. Uh well, it happened to me because I I was invincible.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Yeah. Well, now you are an advocate for strokes and aphasia. I don't think a lot of people know what aphasia is. So I want to put a graphic up on the screen. You want to tell everybody about aphasia and what that means to you and when you first heard the term and so forth.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

I didn't know. Well, I couldn't talk for two years, and that really well, my f it was more like my family had more problems than I did because I didn't know what was going on the first two years because I couldn't communicate really to anybody because well, especially in the hospital, I couldn't commute communicate what hurt, I couldn't communicate what was happening, I couldn't like I couldn't communicate anything. Um in the beginning, all I had was my little teddy bear and saying yes or no, I couldn't say anything, but that was the only way I could communicate with was a little bear going like going like this.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Right. So you're communicating with the bear like saying yes or no?

SPEAKER_01 10:04

That's how some I was I was on the vet ventilator, and that's what the only thing I could do.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

Um did you know what was going on?

SPEAKER_01 10:16

I was in pain, so every time I went I went like this. Um I got I was misdiagnosed plenty of times because I couldn't express what was hurt. And that's why I want so many people, then dementia, autism, and Alzheimer's, they nobody can express anything, they can't communicate. I have some projects going on there. Uh aphasia uh happens to more than stroke. Um and aphasia isn't just that, I can't do math. Um I is is stuck in 2018 because that's when I had my stroke. So I'm still in that year is is crazy. Um it's it's wild. Yeah, some of these might wake up and I can't talk for stress.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Yeah, it says aphasia is a brain disorder when a person has trouble speaking or understanding other people uh when they speak. It's often happens with conditions like stroke. So it's brought on from the stroke, and what people I guess need to realize is that you're having a hard time with language, like remembering even simple things like what a car is and stuff like that, and how to feel to pronounce certain things. It's like starting all over and learning how to talk all over again, isn't it? Yeah, and I say that people with aphasia uh with therapy can recover. Um so how is that recovery going for you?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

I had when I first started recovering with um physical therapy and occupational therapy and speak therapy, um, I was doing great. And then I had a real bad seizure, and I had to start all over again. And um, I'm having these seizures every couple months, and I have to start pretty much with the physical therapy. I have to start again in my speech gets a little off, but it'll it'll come back.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Well, you've been through some journey for sure. Um I remember seeing pictures of you uh when it first happened, you had that helmet that you had to wear. Now part of your skull was exposed, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Yes, I had um eight brain surgeries, and now I I have I still have a dent because they've not put another piece in because my my body will just keep rejecting it.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Right. But you have been remarkable because if you have seen pictures or even videos when you first started to communicate and you're letting people know what was going on, uh it was it was rough, you know. I mean, I'm sure all those operations that you went through were not easy, and but from where you are now is like light years away from where you were then, even in the last year, you've improved so much. Um so that's gotta make you feel good, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Yes, I I set myself some goals.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

I think you're doing great. So there from what I know, there's three types of aphasia. There's brachia, oh yeah, brachia aphasia, there is Werniccia aphasia, and there's global aphasia. So which one do they sell?

SPEAKER_01 15:01

I had bronchia first. I forget what that entails. Like Bruce Willis has over time one.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

You can get it just broca aphasia is non-fluent aphasia in which the output of spontaneous speech is markedly diminished, and there is a loss of novel grammatical structure, specifically small leaky words, conjunctions such as uh and or but, and the use of prepositions are lost.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Yes, I just work on Facebook. Mine are always just keep missing that, but you still get the point.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

What's your goal now? Like now, obviously, this has changed your life, but you're not using it as a handicap, you're using it as an opportunity to try and help other people. So, what's your goal and what's your mission from here on out to help others?

SPEAKER_01 16:18

And I want to spread awareness so people can't don't have to go through what I went through. And I also do all these videos so we can help other strokers can well inspire them to think can do what I'm doing. Um, a lot of strokers don't have uh uh therapy, so they can look to see what I'm doing, and a big part is um families, caregivers, the general public pretty much, they don't know what it's like to see to see what we're going through. They they have no clue.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

So that we try to I'm trying to show them, I guess, to be empathetic for us, uh I don't know what the word that's empathy people have some empathy and some understanding about what you've gone through and how you could avoid judgment in the yeah, so as it is right now, how is it for you? How do you feel like there's a difference between the people you knew in your life from back before you had the stroke to after your stroke? Do you see differences in people, the way they treat you, the way they talk to you, so forth and so on?

SPEAKER_01 18:14

I think I think so. Um people don't know realize that oh, you got out of the hospital. Why aren't you why aren't you okay now? So people don't know, like, oh, you have to go through all this therapy just to say, hey, or why aren't you walking yet? Why aren't you using a bath? I can't even take a bath by myself. I have to get I tried that, it was very uh I couldn't. I I can't get out of the tub. You know, um people really I still can't feel my right arm, my whole side is still not I I hurt myself kind of a lot because I can't feel when I'm bumping into things um or lighting myself on fire so I can't really cook. Um and then it it just it's still I have to it's kind of start over again because my fingers don't there's a lot of things that people they don't know.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

And one at one point did you hit a frustration level where you were just like this is too much for me, or is there a point where you were just like, Am I ever gonna get better?

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Well, I know I'm never gonna get better. I I have dealt with that already. I just have to I really just need to go and I'm changing I want to change or I'm paving the way for others so they can I can help them.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

I think Yeah No, I completely understand, but um how did it did you ever feel like am I ever gonna be able to talk? Am I ever gonna be able to walk? I mean, those moments where you just had those breakthroughs where you felt like it wasn't gonna be any talking, or there wasn't gonna be any walking, and then what happened the first time that you actually started to communicate, and then even better yet, when you first started to walk. Because I remember seeing your videos on Facebook of the first time that you were walking, and it was quite an accomplishment, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Yeah, I think it's not only in your head, but it's mind over matter. If if you're just gonna sit around, it's not gonna happen. You have to force yourself, you have to really give it a hundred percent. Otherwise, you just it's not gonna happen. Right, right. Every day it's like, all right, am I gonna have a seizure to go back and start all over again? So it's well, I don't know. But I'm not gonna sit around and wait for it.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Right. It's a constant battle, so to speak, right? Like you're constantly battling this. Um as far as your thoughts and stuff. Your thoughts are all there, right? It's just a matter of communicating the thoughts. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

So people should look at you like you're, you know, because you definitely don't use it as a handicap. You know, just you know, dealing with you and uh doing photography, you know, your thoughts are there. It's just a matter of you trying to communicate those thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

So the people a lot of people with strokes are aphasia, they're like you're you are cognitive, you're always still there. Yeah, like you just can't spit it out.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Yeah, exactly. And I think that's something that people need to be aware of, right? Like you it's not like you don't know what's going on, you totally know what's going on. It's just a matter of things like communicating the language aspect of what you're trying to say to people, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Correct.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Yeah. So tell me, tell me something that's yucky, tell me something that's funny, and tell me something that's not holding you back.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Something that's yucky. Okay. When I first wanted to fly at the airport, um I I was still wearing diapers for P and the lady, I guess, thought I was having I had drugs in my diaper. So she wanted to bring me to the room, and I said, Well, no, I'm not going in the room because nobody nothing good happens out of the room. So I was like, check me right here. So I guess you know, because the urine shops uh shows up at something in there. So that was that was fun. That was yucky.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Wow, she must have felt dumb after that, huh?

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

Yeah. All right. So that was the yucky. Now, what's something that's funny?

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Oh boy, there's so many okay. Okay, I have names for everything because I've I've always I make fun of myself all the time. So my I have a mannequin leg, that's what I call it, because when it when it goes kind of like numb, um it just I can't feel it, it just it's on its own, or its own, so I just call it the mannequin because I can't feel it, and I know it's my mannequin leg. And what I almost stuck on a duck because I can't see back like back there, so that's my duck, my duck spot down there. I I just have names for everything.

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Yeah. Um so no holding back. What do you want to say about not holding back?

SPEAKER_01 25:43

It's I I would say it like it is. It's just I think people just saying like, well if it's on all these the books that come out and it's like, oh, it's sold. I don't know, I'm not classy. So if you ask me something, or it's I'll tell you the truth because recovery is not pretty. It's it's really hard and it's messy and it's gut-ranging, gut renting, I think that's the word. Yeah. And it's it's just not everyone thinks it's so beautiful and everything, but it's not. It is not.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Yeah, it's a lot of struggles that I'm sure a lot of people give up on, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

But you're not one of them because you're tough and you're out there and you're trying to make a difference, and so what keeps you motivated?

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Um I just keep making goals and I just I have to do them. I have to complete them. Like yeah, I've I've always had a bucket list, a yearly bucket list before the stroke, and now they're different.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

Yeah. Well, your website, Kristen Toper.com, uh, that's K-R-I-S-T-E-N, T-O-E, P-F-E-R dot com. Um, that's a website, that's your website. It's to raise awareness of stroke and aphasia. So tell me about what your plans are to help other people with this. I know that you're going to be going around speaking, but tell me some of your goals as far as helping others and what you're trying to do.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

I want to write a book for the stroke recovery. I want to make a children's book for my my nephew because he he was he was um take he was helping me to read, and there's so many things. Um I want to connect with I wanna stop I wanna go into like law to change things about stroke anesthesia. I want people, everybody to know it. I want to just change the a lot. I'm not just getting started.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

That's all you want to help people get through this that some people that are similar to what you went through so they could feel like they're not alone, and then you want to try to help people prevent getting to the point where you got right, like the warning signs and stuff like that, and everything else. So one more question for you how has this affected your personal relationships, like your marriage or your family? Like how how has this affected them?

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Definitely um definitely my marriage because of he was my caregiver, and we shouldn't uh we should have gotten a caregiver. Like we didn't know what to do, no family didn't know what to do, like we we're not educated to well strokes, and who does?

SPEAKER_02 30:11

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Nobody nobody does because it doesn't happen for people my age.

SPEAKER_02 30:20

Yeah, it's not expected.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

Who knows about a phaser? Nobody knows about a phaser. How do you deal with that by just sitting? I just used the birds, like I sat outside for two years and looked at the birds because I couldn't talk on the phone, I couldn't use the computer.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

Right. You're you're accomplishing nobody. You're you're breaking down those barriers and you're actually doing it. So that's amazing that you're able to do it. And I can only imagine the amount of love that your family has for you to try to help you through this situation, be supportive and you know, help you with the things that you need help with, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

I know there's some anything that you want to talk about as far as the um support systems that you have. Like, are there any kind of like uh phone numbers that people can call for help with either family issues or help with aphasia or times when people are feeling just down and they need to talk to somebody? Are there any kind of support groups that we could list for people?

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Yes, there's our I have I go to I have a I guess a group on every Friday. We look we talk about movies, and I forget it is Adlers, Adlers Aphasia Center, and there's like multiple sites in New Jersey that can go. Um there are things out there for aphasia, you just have to um get or you can list them on the the site. There are lots of things about stroke. Like you can look at the hospital can give you sites and websites. There's things there's help and tools you can use to help um especially caregivers and your family. Is that out there?

SPEAKER_02 32:49

Yeah, so on your website, they just need to go to your website and click on the resources page, and on the resources page, you'll have a list of links where people can go to to uh get kind of some support that they need, right? Yes, that's awesome. So, in closing, anything that you'd like to say to anybody out there about your your journey and your story and things that you want to do?

SPEAKER_01 33:23

No stroke is alike. Stop comparing to everybody else. That's a lot of people will be like, oh well, I I'm not, I didn't do this yet. It's you're all like a snowflake. Nobody's a nobody is alike, and you can do it.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

That's awesome. So what will we talk about next time? We'll have to see what the next topic is, but it could be about family members, it could be about the public, it could be about anything, but rest assured Kristen's gonna take you down there because she is the queen of yucky to the funny and she doesn't hold back.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 34:16

All right, thank you, Kristen. I think it's amazing that you've been able to help people already, and you've been able to inspire others because of your strength and your no-give up attitude, and that's something that's very, very important. And I know that everybody that knows you uh is extremely proud of you and what you've had to overcome because it's been quite a lot. So we appreciate you. We're glad that you're still with us, and we're glad that you're making a difference.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

Until next time, goodbye, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Bye.