The Other Side of the Stroke — John’s Story, Part 1

You’ve heard Kristen’s story. Now hear from the man who lived it right beside her.

In this special episode, Billy sits down with John Church — Kristen’s husband, high school sweetheart, and the person who has been her rock through every surgery, every setback, and every hard day of this recovery. John has been mentioned throughout this podcast since the very beginning. This is the first time he gets to tell his own side of the story.

John takes us back to the 3 a.m. phone call that changed everything — how Kristen’s words weren’t quite right, how he thought maybe she’d just had a bad dream or a panic attack, and how half intuition and half luck made him leave work and go home instead of telling her to go back to sleep. By the time he got there, he couldn’t get her out of the bed. He called 911. And even the paramedics weren’t sure what was happening.

What follows is one of the most honest accounts of a caregiver’s experience you will ever hear on a podcast. John describes driving to the wrong hospital in a panic while Kristen was being airlifted. He describes sleeping in a waiting room for days, barely eating, barely sleeping, cycling between work and the hospital for months on end. He describes the moment the surgeon told him to set his expectations — that she might not make it — and what it is like to have to pick up the phone and repeat those words to the people who love her.

He talks about the things nobody prepares you for. Learning that the water bill existed when it got shut off for $38 while Kristen was in a coma. Figuring out her dog’s medications by calling the vet in the middle of a crisis. Taking over every responsibility in the household overnight while working nights at UPS and spending every spare hour at the hospital.

And he talks about the communication — the painstaking, creative, heartbreaking game of 20 questions they developed together when Kristen had no words. Is it something in the house? Is it downstairs? Is it food? One nod at a time. And secretly watching out the window every time she walked to the mailbox, just to make sure she didn’t fall.

John said it simply: he would have been happy if it was just her head in a jar that could talk to him the way she used to. That one line says everything about what this man went through — and what love actually looks like when it gets tested.

This is Part 1. And it is not one to miss.

Subscribe, share, and follow Kristen’s journey at https://KristenToepfer.com

Join Kristen and cohost Billy Montana for monthly episodes filled with advocacy, education, and inspiring conversations.

Together, let's raise awareness for stroke and aphasia and support each other on the journey to recovery.
http://kristentoepfer.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Welcome to Finding My Voice from the Funny to the Yucky, No Holding Back Podcast, featured by Kristen Topher. And today we have a special guest, John Church, Kristen's husband. As you know, we have been working with Kristen for a long time on her stroke and aphasia advocacy. And we've heard a lot about John, but today we're going to focus on John and get his insight on what he's been through and from his perspective, what Kristen's been through as well. So, Kristen, first we're going to start off with you. How does it feel to have your book finally complete?

SPEAKER_04 1:46

It feels great, Bill.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Twelve chapters honoring your September 12th birthday. The journey from sitting and watching birds to becoming a published author. How does that feel?

SPEAKER_04 2:03

It feels great. Exciting.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Yes. You should be. You should be very proud of yourself. Uh why is it important to have John here today?

SPEAKER_04 2:16

So everybody can see how much he I'm proud of him because he's my rock.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Yes. And what role has he played in this book, Becoming Reality?

SPEAKER_04 2:30

I'm lucky, girl, that he stood by me.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Yes, for sure. Um how much of your recovery story is also his story?

SPEAKER_05 2:43

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

You're the one that went through it. Yeah, but you went through it. Um all right, so we're gonna do what's the one thing readers will learn that might surprise them about your book?

SPEAKER_04 3:02

I don't know, you're just gonna have to read it.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Good answer. Okay, John. The night that everything changed, take us back to September 11, 2018, around 3 a.m. You got a phone call from Kristen. Walk us through what happened.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

Yeah, well, I was at work because I I work nights, still do. Um, got a call from Kristen, you know, like you said, about 3 a.m. And the words, you know, that were coming out weren't quite right. And at first I thought she may have just been having like a panic attack or something. You know, she just kept saying something was wrong, and then it turned into like my my gum is numb, and it was just like a little weird, you know, as that conversation went on, you know. So I told uh the rest of my team, you know, at work, like, listen, I gotta go home and see what's going on here, you know, which was you know, I guess half intuition and half luck, too. You know, because sometimes uh, you know, I I could see it, you know, Kristen, maybe just try to go to sleep. You know, it wasn't so obvious, you know, that um you know, that I knew what was going on at all. You know, so it it could have gone either way that night.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

So what were your first thoughts when she called you, besides like what her voice sounded like? What was your yeah?

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Well, my first thoughts were, you know, she just woke up, maybe had a bad dream, was having like a panic attack or something, you know, and you know, kind of wanted to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

So you really had no idea how serious it was at that moment?

SPEAKER_03 4:49

No clue.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

And how far away were you from home?

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Uh only about 12 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah. So you rushed home, you took her to Hackettstown Medical Center. What what was going through your mind during that drive?

SPEAKER_03 5:05

Well, I ended up calling an ambulance for her that night. Um by the time I got home, you know, I I couldn't get her out of the bed. You know, not um not under my own power, and she couldn't do it at that point either. You know, it already progressed pretty quickly. Um, you know, the ambulance came and had to take her, and they were already like hinting around, you know, this might be a stroke. She has some of the symptoms, you know, but some of the other symptoms weren't quite present. So at that point, still wasn't sure what was going on.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

So going back to that night when you said that you couldn't like move her under your own power or everything, like what did she look like? What was the can like were you scared? What was the kind of kind of condition that you were in that you saw her in? Was it panic? Were you like looking at her and was she just like did you know it was did you still at that point know that it was like really serious, or you didn't know it was serious, or you weren't sure?

SPEAKER_03 6:09

No, I mean at that point, you know, it was serious enough for me to call 911. You know, but I I didn't know why, you know, other than you know, she was pretty out of it at that point. You know, I couldn't get enough out of her to get her up and moving, you know, and I certainly couldn't carry her. So you know, it was it was serious enough at that point to call 911, but I had no idea what was going on.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

And at that point, even the paramedics didn't know if she for sure had a stroke.

SPEAKER_03 6:38

Yeah, they seemed very on the fence about it. You know, they uh they said they were gonna call it on the way in, you know, okay. You know, but they they weren't saying, you know, this is a stroke, and you know, we're calling a stroke code. There wasn't any of that yet.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

At the point when you got home, were you able to um was she able to talk to you?

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Um no. No, it was it was silence.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Okay, uh, so they get her to the hospital, uh, they did a CT scan, discovered the stroke and bleeding. What did the doctors tell you?

SPEAKER_03 7:14

Well, I mean, that was kind of a confusing time because I went out into the waiting room. Um, you know, they came and got me, and we're in the in my mind, they're asking me about a helicopter. And I'm like, I don't know what you guys are talking about. She was never on any helicopter, but what they were really telling me was we need to get her on a helicopter and get her over to you know another facility that can treat this.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

So you're just kind of like in you know you're just kind of like in shock at this point.

SPEAKER_03 7:44

Absolutely. I I did not expect that, you know, to the point where you know, I thought they were asking me if she was on a helicopter.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

And what were you besides the confusion, what were you feeling? Was it setting in or not setting in?

SPEAKER_03 7:59

No, I mean, I I couldn't say it was setting in because I didn't know what all this was going to entail, you know, at that point. Um, you know, she was 36 at the time, you know, uh having a stroke certainly wasn't on you know our radar by any stretch of the imagination. So even at that point, my own like just education and what my thoughts of a stroke were, you know, didn't really match up with reality either. So, you know, at that point I was kind of rolling with the punches uh and just seeing what happens next.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

So walk us through that moment when she's actually being airlifted to what was it, Overlook Hospital?

SPEAKER_03 8:42

Yeah, they sent me ahead first because they said she was gonna beat me there.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

No matter what. Um and still I was they were telling me, you know, that she was going to Overlook, and all I heard was like Morristown somehow. So I ended up driving to the wrong hospital, you know, running around there, trying to find trying to find her. I ended up having to call the emergency room in Hackett's town again. We're like, where where did she go? You know, and like they they said, I told you, Overlook. I'm like, right, overlook, got it. You know, and then I had to put in the GPS to go to Overlook, but you know, also during this time I'm calling, you know, like her brother. You know, I had to wake up her dad, you know, like something's going on here. They're putting her on a helicopter.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

That's serious. Yeah, you're calling family members because they just don't put you on a helicopter because everything's fine. Right. So, what was the worst thing a doctor said to you that night?

SPEAKER_03 9:43

Well, that night, um, believe it or not, things were pretty quiet until 5 a.m. the next morning. Um, I slept in the waiting room, and one of the doctors came to get me, or one of the nurses, I guess, came to get me, woke me up, and said, You need to come back and you know talk to the doctor and see Kristen. And I asked, like, well, you know, is she okay? And they said, Well, not really. You know, so they certainly didn't sugarcoat it that morning.

unknown 10:17

Right.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

As I get back there, the surgeon was already there, you know, and he told me that one of the nurses noticed just the slightest difference between her pupils, which is an amazing job on their part, you know, because it's you know 4:30, 5 o'clock in the morning for them, and they notice this minor little thing. And but that meant that her brain started to swell, and that they were gonna have to do a surgery, uh, as the doctor's explaining it to me. I'm just like, well, go, you know, hurry up and you know, go go ahead, do your thing, you know, save her life, you know. Um, but that was a tough morning because then I had to call the family again and be like, listen, you know, you know, she's gonna have major brain surgery in like the next 20 minutes, you know, everybody might want to get here. Because the doctors, you know, he didn't sugarcoat it then either. He's like, you know, this this might be it.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

So from all my talking with Kristen and research I've done, uh correct me if I'm wrong, but uh then did the neurosurgeon tell you to set your expectations that she might not even wake up? Like how you process hearing something like that about your high school sweetheart?

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Yeah, I mean, you don't process it really. I mean, you just don't. Um, you know, and then even the challenge of having to call everybody and repeat it a couple times, you know, it was very hard to get out. It was uh you kind of wanted to run and hide from it a little bit, you know, and and it wasn't a short surgery either. You know, we had to sit there for a couple hours, you know, just to hear anything. So it was uh pretty torturous for sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Yeah, um, I can only imagine the waiting process of not knowing whether she was gonna make it or not make it, and now at this point you know the gravity of it. So how was like when you're trying to communicate with family, what's their reactions and what and how are you holding it all together?

SPEAKER_03 12:30

Yeah, I mean, I mean you kind of halfway hold it together, right? I mean, you're you're kind of a wreck, but you're you you're kind of still you know trying to live through it. Um you know, they're asking questions that I I didn't know the answers to, you know. Um I think a lot of us jumped the gun a little bit, you know, when she came out of that surgery, you know, asking questions like, you know, is she gonna be able to talk? And you know, the doctor like really knocked us back at that point. We're like, you you guys are way ahead of you know where she's at right now. You know, you you gotta set your expectations a lot less, you know, that she might not even make it through this thing, you know, let alone talking about talking and moving and walking and all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Right. It's just one baby step at a time, which it turned out to be, but um, like at that point, I could only imagine that you're wondering how this happened. Uh was there a moment where like you broke down, or were you just like too like adrenaline filled that you're just like moving forward without really even emotionally processing what's going on?

SPEAKER_03 13:53

Yeah, the emotional the emotional stuff came a little bit later, you know, than that day. Uh certainly over the next couple days, though, and um, you know, the surgery was over, it went as well as it could have gone. You know, but at that point she was fully comatose and on a respirator, and you know, that's when the doctors, you know, are telling us to manage our expectations a little bit that you know she might not come out of this.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah. So, you know, let's go to like what happened after that. So she was in a coma uh with a breathing tube, right?

unknown 14:33

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

And you're probably just saying to yourself, I just want to talk to her again. So tell us about those days when you knew she couldn't talk. That had to be like extremely like frustrating and difficult, I could only imagine.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

Yeah, well, I mean, you realize some of the important things, you know, in a relationship too. Um it might sound strange and it might sound bizarre, but I would have been happy if it was just like her head in a jar that could talk to me, you know, fluently. Like we used to talk to each other. Right. You know, I I it sounds bizarre and strange, but you know, I would I would have loved to have had that.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

She was um, you know, we were going through life's path, you know, strolling along just fine. You know, and she did she had her little set of obligations and duties, and you know, I had mine, and you know, the the split of labor in the household and stuff like that. So that you know there was a lot of stuff that I didn't know, you know, that that she did is you know with the vet and some bills and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Right. So all her responsibilities that she took care of without you even like not that you didn't know about it, but kind of took maybe for granted a little bit, and now all of a sudden you're like, Oh, did you did you find that you had like a new appreciation for what she had done uh that you weren't really kind of aware of, or sure.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

You know, our dog was getting old at the time. Um, you know, you know, he was on all kinds of medications. I had no clue what that was. You know, I had to call the vet to figure that out. In the midst of you know, dealing with all this turmoil. Um, I didn't even know whether we had a water bill. I thought that was just part of taxes or something. So my water got shut off for $38. You know, I had to have a family member go down to the actual water authority and turn it back on, you know, in the midst of you know, dealing with her being in a coma and you know, fighting for her life.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Yeah. Um so while you were sitting there while she was in the coma in the very, very beginning, uh, like the first few days. Did you have any false expectations? Were you thinking, you know, like she's gonna get out of this in a couple of days? Were you starting to wonder, am I ever gonna, is she ever gonna talk again? Like, is she gonna survive? Like, take me through that. Like, what was going through your yeah?

SPEAKER_03 17:23

I mean, I found my mind going, you know, all over the place very quickly from you know, worst case scenario to best case scenarios to you know what the doctor's saying and what you know family is saying, and it's it's almost difficult to get locked into one thought with all that going on. Um, you know, so sleeping was you know very difficult. You know, just trying to I didn't eat you know for those few days at all, you know, barely slept, didn't come home, just stayed in the waiting room. Um but yeah, you know, and a lot of a lot of that was alone time. So, you know, your your racing thoughts are you know it's pretty significant. You know, you're almost hoping for the doctors to tell you something, you know, that you can kind of latch onto a little bit, you know, instead of thinking of all of these different scenarios from you know snapping awake and being okay to this is life now, you know, or worse.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Yeah, I could only imagine. So when you're when you're sitting there and you're going through all these things, like um were you so did you have like certain like visiting hours? Were you only allowed to see her a certain period of time, and then the rest of the time are you just sitting in the waiting room, or how did that work?

SPEAKER_03 18:50

I was able to see her whenever I wanted. Um, so I did a lot of back and forth, you know, spent some time with her. You know, had to go out to like the family room, you know, tell everybody, you know, any kind of update that uh there was, you know, or nothing. Yeah, but a lot of times, you know, the family and everybody would leave at six, seven, eight o'clock, and I would just go back there and hang out with her for you know hours until I felt hopefully tired enough to try to sleep on the couch in the waiting room.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

So are you sitting next to her while she's in this coma or like did you did you talk to her? Did you like try to talk to her? Like what were you doing, or did you just sit there?

SPEAKER_03 19:35

Sure. I I I told her that uh it probably would have been easier if it was me because she knew all everything that was going on at the house and everything, and she didn't full responsibilities. Like, I think uh you know, you might have been able to handle this a little bit better. I don't know. But um in an ICU, you know, the nurses are only uh two patients per nurse, so they're they're in and out a lot. And I gotta give credit to that team for not only catching some of the medical stuff, but you know, just the attention they gave her and the attention they gave me.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Right. Um so how long was it before like the first signs of like her eyes opening or maybe like hand movements? Like when when did that uh happen?

SPEAKER_03 20:22

Yeah, um, it was a slow process over weeks. There was no snap wake-up moment at all. It was her left hand moving a little bit, you know, to uh crying a little bit, to moving a leg a little bit, yeah, and that kind of progressed to moving her left arm more deliberately. Yeah, and that came to moving her left leg more deliberately, her right side was still hundred percent down, and speech was still a hundred percent down, but she started to move her head a little bit, she tried to open her eyes, but with the surgery, um they were swollen, you know. She couldn't open them even if she wanted to.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Did you ask her anything?

SPEAKER_03 21:13

But you know, then you started getting some more noises that weren't quite crying and weren't quite words, you know, to um mumbles to incoherent words, to you know, it progressed like that over weeks. You know, there was no okay, I'm back, guys. You know, it didn't happen that way.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

So when you were sitting there, like did you ask her things like can you hear me or can you can you hear what I'm saying, or do you understand me?

SPEAKER_03 21:49

Or and like what was No, it was very general. You know, it was very general. Um you know, just some updates and you Know kind of like current events almost as calmly as I could. And then just some moments where I'm like, I wish I could just talk to you for five minutes just so I could figure some of this stuff out, and you know, some stuff like that, some you know, half joking.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

So she finally came out of the coma with no speech, um, no movement in her right arm, very little in her right leg. What was your reaction?

SPEAKER_03 22:28

I mean, we took everything as a win.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

You know, because um especially me and maybe you know some of her friends and family had more of uh understanding of what a stroke was. Um, but it I didn't. You know, you know, it wasn't on our radar, you know, it wasn't something we thought about, it wasn't something that I even knew much about. You know, honestly, I knew it as like an obscure concept, not as like uh a thing that could happen. But uh, you know, we took everything as a win, you know, and the doctors um they didn't really give us much either. You know, they were at that point they were still telling us to manage, you know, how much we uh expect and you know stuff like that. That um, you know, she's nowhere near out of the woods.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

So at this point, are you still fearing that she might not make it?

SPEAKER_03 23:29

Oh, sure. Yeah, it was it was weeks before the doctors started to let up a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

And what so the setbacks that nobody talks about? Uh she was only home one day in November before having a seizure and needing another surgery. How did that feel?

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Well, we uh she went from overlook into a residential physical therapy, occupational therapy, you know, inpatient place. Um finally got her out after I'm not even sure how many weeks, probably over a month, you know, of intensive inpatient therapy. Got her home one day, we were sleeping. Um, her dad came over and maybe about midnight, 1 a.m., somewhere around there, you know, she just started violently shaking, which scared the crap out of me because you know, we still haven't calmed down yet, you know, at all from all of this. You know, we were still very high strung. You know, so I get it to like the top of the stairs. We call 911 again. Um the emergency room doctors aren't quite equipped for all that. You know, they didn't quite know what to do, so they're trying to call the surgeon and all this other stuff. The they said, bring her over to Overlooked, you know, we'll check her out. But by 6 a.m. that morning, you know, she was going back into surgery. You know, they they figured out that she had a uh like an infection underneath you know the uh the incisions, and it was at that point there was no bone, so it was just you know brain tissue at that point that was you know had an infection on it, which is pretty devastating.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

Yeah, I guess like at that point in time, you're probably sitting there like very scared because she can't communicate either, and you just don't even know, like where you're probably sitting there thinking, like, is this it? Is she dying? Does that go through your head?

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Yeah, and like I said, we never settled down yet. You know, we just got our home and you know, we're back at Overlook, you know, and just having to walk into that place again, going into the same waiting room that we were at for you know weeks, you know, and again, it's an hours-long surgery waiting to hear you know how it went.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Yeah. So what was it like for you when you say that it was starting from scratch?

SPEAKER_03 26:09

So I mean she was in the hospital recovering from that surgery.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Um it was a few days at least.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Had to be like six or seven days at a minimum, you know, that they kept her there just managing the uh IV antibiotics and the incision itself and just you know the surgery. Um, but then right from there, you know, a lot of the progress she made in the rehab facility, you know, kind of got pushed away, you know, erased a little bit, you know, one from the infection, the surgery, you know, and then just laying around for you know, seven, eight, nine days, whatever it was in a hospital bed. You know, it was uh almost starting from scratch at that point.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Yeah. When you were she was going through this and you're going through this, like what did you uh actually had to do for like work? Like, did you just because obviously you know one of the things that like we haven't talked about is you know, I mean, obviously she's not working, but like how did that whole because you know she's with having this responsible job at UPS for almost 20 years, and then you were working at UPS too, right?

SPEAKER_05 27:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

So how did that whole thing play out?

SPEAKER_03 27:41

Yeah, I mean, I started that process pretty early. You know, um, that was like a day or two after the stroke, you know. Um, I called her boss, you know, said, hey, you know, I don't know, you know, she's gonna be out a while. You know, I I didn't really know what to say at that point.

SPEAKER_02 28:03

Right.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

You know, and I and I started a disability claim with the and I'll figure the paperwork out when I can, you know, kind of thing. I had to explain to him over the phone that she's not gonna be able to do this for a while, you know. You know, if you need anything, she's at overlook.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Were they understanding about it?

SPEAKER_03 28:25

For the most part, yes. Yes. As time kind of went on, they wanted a little bit more documentation, but certainly for the first few weeks they were right.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

And how about you? Like how did that affect your your job?

SPEAKER_03 28:42

It's kind of undescribable, really. You know, I had to take some time off, you know, just so I could stay at the hospital with her. You know, but I I'm going back and forth after you know a few weeks, you know, I'm doing the back and forth thing, you know, I go to work, and I gotta drive to Overlook, and I go home and I sleep for a little bit to go to work, to go back to Overlook, and leave there to go to work and you know, sleep a little bit, go back to work, go back to Overlook, sleep a little bit. You know, that that process continued straight through you know, rehab. I think uh I only missed maybe one or two days when I just kind of was completely out of energy.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

But how are you even able to focus on work?

SPEAKER_03 29:29

Surprisingly, you know, at least after the acute stuff and you know, the doctors just eased up a little bit. Um it kind of helped. You know, there were moments when I was able to just focus on work a little bit, you know, brief moments of re almost forget for you know minutes at a time, you know, but it's a little bit of relief.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Yeah. Uh then in August 2019, the incision started to leak, and another surgery, another setback. Uh, how did you keep going as a caregiver when it feels like you take three steps forward and five steps back?

SPEAKER_03 30:16

Yeah, so that was after they put the artificial bone in, and then the incision, you know, had another infection, and they actually had to take the piece of bone out, which was incredibly disappointing because that was going to be the kind of last major surgery was putting you know the bone back in, you know, and that was uh something we look forward to tentatively because it is a major surgery, but it was also a checkpoint, you know, and the whole recovery of this thing. And you know, it it didn't take, you know, so they had to take the bone out, do another treatment of you know the Ivy antibiotics. Um a shorter stint and rehab, you know, because she did come a long way and she was still pretty with it, but they wanted her there for a little bit just to make sure she was walking safely, you know, and she could be home for small amounts of time, you know, alone and be okay. Right to you know, bathroom and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Um and at that point, was she talking or no?

SPEAKER_03 31:35

At that point, yes, yes, you know, um under strain, you know, it wasn't easy for her at that point, right? Um, the conversations were kind of broken up, and you can kind of get I found it easier than you know, other people would have. You know, so a lot of the doctor visits and a lot of the talking with the therapists and stuff, she she looked at me a lot to you know kind of answer some of the questions that she couldn't get out.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

Um conversational from my point of view, but it was very hard for some people to understand her.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

So Krista couldn't talk for two years. She says all she did was sit in the backyard and look at birds. As her husband, what was that like?

SPEAKER_03 32:26

Well, it was it was progressive as well. You know, it started as like kind of like a game of 20 questions, you know, when she needed something. You know, she's able to nod, you know, eventually to kind of do yes and no's, but she couldn't get anything more complicated up than that, you know, for a long time. So I mean, it was you know, as an example, is it something in the house? And she would nod, yes. Is it upstairs? No, you know, is it downstairs? Yes, you know, is it food? Yes, you know, and we could kind of figure it out, you know, like that. Um, you know, during that whole stretch, there's still a lot of doctor visits, a lot of therapy visits, um, you know, stuff like that that I had to kind of just be really on the game, on my game with you know what medication she was taking and you know how she's been, you know, uh as far as like her baseline and you know, positive, negative, you know, this was good, this kind of went backwards. Um, she hasn't been eating, or she hasn't been sleeping, or she's been sleeping a lot, yeah, you know, whatever it was, I really had to be on my game. And it was very difficult to one know, you know, sometimes the right thing to do for her, you know, and also manage my own you know emotions with trying to like keep her as safe as I could. You know, I remember um you know, when you say baby steps, it's true. You know, when she's asked to walk to the mailbox, you know, I'm like, of course you can walk to the mailbox, but you know, I secretly watching her out the window to see if she falls or something like that. You know, it was uh very progressive. And um, you know, we had to figure some things out. You know, we we kind of learned some things that didn't work, learned some things that worked, and um you know, we made it through, you know, but it was uh again, there was no snap moments where she was able to talk again. It was all very progressive. Yeah, that we kind of had to learn at each step.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

Speaking of this situation, uh was this something that you learned through therapy doctors? Were they the ones that maybe were other people like told you, hey, ask the questions, let her nod, or this means that, or that means this, or is this something you guys just figured out on your own?

SPEAKER_03 35:07

A lot of it was figuring it out on our own, um, because we didn't always know what questions to ask, you know, the doctors or the therapists and and stuff like that. You know, we didn't know what we didn't know at that point. You know, right now it kind of seems like we're experts, but you know, at that point, you know, like I said, we just didn't know what we didn't even know yet.