Leave A Light On Podcast
Welcome to "Leave A Light On Podcast," the podcast that brings you inspiring stories of ordinary people overcoming extraordinary challenges in their lives. Join us as we delve into the lives of individuals from all walks of life, exploring the adversities they face and the resilience they demonstrate in overcoming them.
In each episode, we'll introduce you to a new guest—a parent, a teacher, a healthcare worker, a student, a veteran, or perhaps your neighbor next door. Through heartfelt interviews and candid conversations, we'll uncover the personal battles they've fought, whether it's overcoming illness, navigating through loss, breaking free from addiction, or facing societal barriers.
From tales of triumph over adversity to stories of perseverance in the face of hardship, "Leave a Light On Podcast" celebrates the human spirit and the strength found within each of us. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and most importantly, you'll be inspired by the resilience and determination of these everyday people who refuse to be defined by their struggles.
So, tune in and join us on this journey of hope, empowerment, and the celebration of the human spirit. Because in the end, it's the stories of everyday people that remind us all that we are capable of overcoming anything life throws our way.
Leave A Light On Podcast
Episode 4 - Matthew Kavanagh, From Martial Arts Mastery to Mental Health Advocacy
How does a young boy adopted at six weeks old grow up to become a six-time state and four-time national Taekwondo champion? Meet Matty Kavanagh, a fifth Dan Black Belt, as he shares his awe-inspiring journey on Leave a Light On Podcast. From moving countries at a tender age to excelling in multiple sports, Matt's story is filled with resilience, dedication, and a passion for self-improvement. Join us as we uncover the multifaceted dimensions of his life, including his love for softball and his professional work in heavy machinery.
Family and heritage play a crucial role in shaping Matt's narrative. With a father who was a two-time gold medalist in Martial Arts for New Zealand, Matt's childhood was enriched by strong familial ties and a supportive environment, despite the challenges of relocation and loss. In this episode, we touch on heartwarming family dynamics, rugby rivalries, and the profound impact of his father's legacy. We also delve into the emotional complexities of perfectionism and mental health, revealing how Matt's struggles with OCD and depression have fueled his journey towards mental well-being.
The conversation takes a deeply personal turn as Matt opens up about his severe mental breakdown and the road to recovery. With candid discussions on the importance of positive influences and genuine emotional support, Matt shares the transformative power of unexpected mentorship and the significance of addressing mental health issues. From his wife's unwavering support to his newfound mission in mental health counseling, this episode underscores the importance of seeking help and maintaining strong support systems. Tune in for an episode brimming with hope, resilience, and invaluable life lessons.
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I'm keen.
Speaker 3:Hello and welcome to Leave a Light On Podcast, a show that looks to tackle the everyday struggles in our everyday lives. It's time to shed some light on it. Here's your hosts, Shane and Shev.
Speaker 1:Hey, hey, welcome to Leave a Light On podcast with one of your hosts, shev. Episode number four. Really keen for today, and alongside me is Shano. How are you feeling, buddy? Yeah, good, shev, how's it? How are you doing? Oh, awesome, mate, really excited about today's episode. We've got a special guest on and this is our first episode.
Speaker 4:First episode with a guest, with a guest, yeah. So I'm really, really excited. Episode number four. Congratulations, by the way.
Speaker 1:Keen, as I'm really happy, and congratulations to yourself.
Speaker 4:Didn't think we were going to get there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think we're going to get there. It's only episode number four, so don't get too excited.
Speaker 4:Yeah, like you said, really excited about today's one First guest, obviously, and he's a gem, yep.
Speaker 1:So yeah, run us through who we've got on today.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so today we've got a goody friend of ours, yep. He started training at the age of eight years old in his profession, yep, and I want to get this right, obviously because he is a scary man.
Speaker 1:And he will sort you right out.
Speaker 4:He will sort me right out. But he's a gem. He's a gentle giant actually Started training at eight years old in his profession of taekwondo. I actually said that wrong it's taekwondo, taekwondo, yes taekwondo yeah, I don't know why I always say Thai. I think it's just Maybe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, anyway taekwondo, you'll have a heap of little Thai boys on you.
Speaker 4:You'll get ready to smack you you just watch your mouth there, little taekwondo over there. Okay, so he started training at eight years old in his profession of taekwondo and he actually won his first state and national championship at 17 years old, okay. And he went on to win six state and four national championships for Australia and went on to compete in one world championship in Korea.
Speaker 1:Wow, really cool. Yeah, that is pretty choice. Yeah, pretty cool so what you're saying is he's a pretty crappy fighter.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I wouldn't mess with him. That's for sure he is currently a fifth Dan Black Belt, which means if you stuff with him, you're getting yourself in trouble. We could register him as a lethal weapon. Yeah, lethal weapon, exactly. That's awesome, that's so cool. So he's currently a fifth Dan Black Belt Yep. He also. His other passion at the moment is he's a softball player Yep. Okay, so he's got a gun of an arm on him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, so very, very cool, yeah, sweet. So obviously who I'm talking about is the one and only matthew cavanaugh. Welcome maddie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, welcome maddie. Good morning boys, such a pleasure to have you on the show.
Speaker 4:Thanks that guy gets into it, gets into it. I love it. I'm getting into it.
Speaker 1:Actually, welcome matt, or cav as we like to call him so maddie cav, uh he works with us out at, uh work out at the morns yeah, he also operates Heavy Machinery, so we work alongside him every day and yeah, good dude so go for your life Really excited.
Speaker 3:Welcome, Matt how are you doing today? I'm really good boys. Thank you, yeah, I'm all Barry White.
Speaker 4:Over there we're going to have to battle for a few ladies that listen to this. That's awesome, yeah, very excited to have you on the show. Congratulations, obviously, on the illustrious career that you have had in your profession of taekwondo.
Speaker 3:Yes, thank you for the correct pronunciation. Yeah.
Speaker 4:I was very, very nervous to say it. Actually, I don't know why. I've always known it as taekwondo. Yeah, that's… it was nice to hear the correct pronunciation of it. Yeah, yeah, six states and four national championships, and four of those were consecutive. Yes, so that's pretty insane to think. And your first one you won at 17 years old. Is that correct? That's right. Yeah, pretty cool. Obviously, like we discussed before this, it's interesting to know that you competed for Australia.
Speaker 3:Being a Kiwi.
Speaker 4:yeah, yeah, you weren't born in australia no, um, tell us a little bit about that. Tell us about your your upbringing, tell us where you were born. First of all, let me go by start off by saying kia ora yeah, kia ora bro kia ora bro you're south african, yeah I'm multi, I'm multicultural multilingual? Yeah, multilingual, that's awesome yeah, um, so you're, you're awi. Yes, I'm a very proud Kiwi. Yeah, yeah, also, obviously, very proud Australian. At the same time, it can be two things at once.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, that's true. It's been a good place for myself and the family over the years.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's awesome. So tell us a little bit about your upbringing. Tell us, obviously, you're born in New Zealand.
Speaker 3:Yes, South 1974 model Yep, Good model. Relocated to Australia early 80s due to dad getting a new job. So we raised everything and off we came over here. We've been here ever since.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's awesome. You mentioned to me that your parents are not your biological parents.
Speaker 3:No, I was adopted at six weeks of age.
Speaker 4:That's unreal. That's crazy. Did you know you were adopted your whole life?
Speaker 3:Yes, I did. My parents told myself and my brother, who's also adopted, that this has happened and this is why we took you, and so, for as early as I can remember, I've always known. Awesome.
Speaker 4:How did you feel when you obviously first heard about that?
Speaker 3:Well, obviously, being the mindset of a young child, you don't sort of comprehend the importance and everything that goes with it, but subconsciously it played a big part and for me to explain that further on through this show, it came to play a big part of my life.
Speaker 4:Okay, yeah, it's always been very interesting to me because a lot of parents that you do here in this particular field tend to not tell their children yes, they tend to hide it from them and they hide it from them. Your parents were very obviously open about it from the beginning, which, like you say, kind of plays out a lot later in life, so we'll get into that a little bit later. But you also mentioned your brother was also adopted.
Speaker 3:Yes, my brother's adopted also, and you have three sisters. Yes, I have three sisters. Yeah they were not adopted. No, Okay. But everyone's adopted, jeff, yeah, that's right?
Speaker 1:Well, I was just going to ask a quick question on that. You don't have to elaborate too much because we'll get into it later. So did you obviously get to know your proper parents?
Speaker 3:Who was that when I was? Funny story is I went back home for a trip when I was 30 for my 30th birthday and something that was meant to be. I didn't go out looking for it to happen, but I ended up through a series of events meeting my biological parents, oh wow. Okay, I didn't go out looking for it to happen, but I ended up, through a series of events, meeting my biological parents.
Speaker 4:Oh, wow, okay cool, that's awesome. Yeah, that is awesome. There's a story that will give you goosebumps how it all came around. Yeah, sweet, definitely prior to that, a little bit later, but that's amazing. Your childhood, obviously growing up. Tell us a little bit about your parents.
Speaker 3:So my adoptive parents my mum was Chinese and my dad was white Pakeha Kiwi. Dad was an engineer and mum at the time I can't really recall what she was doing back in New Zealand it was so young, but we had a large family base back in New Zealand. We had lots of uncles, extended Asian family, aunties, uncles, cousins, all of which now I really don't know much about, because the family unit sort of broke down when we came here.
Speaker 1:if that makes sense, yeah, it definitely does yeah, okay, it's all gone in separate sort of ways, type of thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, in a way, but me, being the youngest child, I was removed from my older brother, who was always out fishing or doing that with his mates and the girls were out doing stuff with their mates. Yeah, okay, and Just to touch on this quickly, my father was heavily involved in martial arts.
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay, and I was a quite shy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, child.
Speaker 3:Not timid or anything, but Dad thought I'd benefit from this, so yeah yeah, he was an ex New Zealand wrestler. He was fortunate enough to win two gold medals for wrestling and was heavily influenced in the ground arts like judo and jiu-jitsu and things like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cool.
Speaker 3:So dad was a massive driving force behind that I was just about to say.
Speaker 1:That's obviously where you got your passion from. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cool, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:Once he got me into it, he actually came for a while, obviously, until his body could not handle it as much anymore. Yeah, okay, so he sort of stuck with me through it until I got started and was comfortable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right. Well, there you go.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's obviously like you said. Your passion started for martial arts in general, watching him, and he was two-time world champion.
Speaker 3:No, no, no. He just two-time gold medalist for New Zealand.
Speaker 4:Two-time gold medalist for New Zealand.
Speaker 3:I can't recall what events they were.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:But I've got the medals at home.
Speaker 4:Yeah, do you look at those medals and still obviously cherish.
Speaker 3:I do, yeah, Seeing as I lost him last year due to dementia, those little things that you know I look at them and they just remind me how much of a great father I had and what a great man he was.
Speaker 4:That's incredible. Yeah, it really, really is such a special token to remember him by having those two gold medals.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's something to cherish for a very long time. Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 4:So tell me something the dynamics of obviously you and your brother being adopted and then your three sisters, obviously being biological to your parents how did that, as a family dynamic, work? Did your sisters ever, like, make that known to you that you obviously not?
Speaker 3:No, okay, and not even in sibling rivalry.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:There was none of that. It was just like well, naturally, Just close yeah.
Speaker 4:That's amazing because I know sometimes it does tend to from some of the stories I've heard. It can tend to add a bit of a rift in, especially when there is tension yeah, and you have that sibling rivalry, like you say. So that's amazing. So moved over to australia when you were six, eight or it can be close to eight. Yeah, eight years old, um moved over to australia. Uh, for your dad's work. Is that correct, that right? How was that transition for you?
Speaker 3:Probably pretty clean, considering I was so young. You know the world's your oyster and you're not really aware of what's going on at that time in your life. So it wasn't a major hurdle, but in the same instance it kind of was. You know, I loved New. Zealand. Yeah. I still do, but it's something you had to let go of. Like I remember my mum saying dad had to pull my fingers off the doorway Wow, I didn't want to leave and go to the airport.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't want to leave, but once we're here, you know we sort of settled in and yeah, yeah, and then life just progressed as normal Life just progressed yeah, that's amazing, I I can still see you obviously very passionate about New Zealand.
Speaker 4:You're sitting in front of us in your all black tracksuit.
Speaker 1:He is all black tracksuit.
Speaker 4:I'll tell you a funny story before we carry on here. Matty Cav and I obviously have known each other for probably about a year and a half, two years now, yep. And I still remember the first time I met Cav.
Speaker 1:He said to me one of the first things he obviously spoke to be awesome because we've got a kiwi and a south african. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my old man's born in uh christchurch.
Speaker 4:So, oh yeah, I tend to lean towards the kiwis. Yeah, so, so cab actually said to me one of the first things like oh, you obviously know that all blacks and the spring box have a good rivalry when it comes to rugby union. Um, and it was a world cup, yeah last year and I still remember that I had barely known you and you. You said to me let's make it, let's make a bet.
Speaker 4:So I was like all right yeah, obviously you wanted to, maddie, to like me at the time. So I was like, yeah, let's go, let's make a bet. And at the time springbox weren't playing the greatest rugby, um. But you said to me the world cup was coming up. Yep, it's. Uh, it's looking like at that stage we were gonna go all blacks versus springboks for a final. And you said winner of the world cup has to wear the opposing person's jersey, jersey, um. And I was like, cool, let's go. Um, not, I didn't obviously give it too much thought at the time. And then the World Cup came around and Cav obviously reminded me of our bet and I was like, oh damn, like this is a real thing, he's remembered this. And the World Cup came and I'm just going to say that Springboks.
Speaker 4:Class is one Thank you and, to be honest, you were a great sport about it.
Speaker 3:Yes, we got the photo.
Speaker 4:Got the photo of you in a springbok jersey, which is incredible, and you took a bit of flack for that as well. Oh, I sure did. That's awesome, but I always, um, I always. I do want to just say that I I very much um honor you for for the fact that you remembered the bet, first of all, and and secondly, you were good sport about it. Yeah, yeah, um, and that just just kind of goes to towards your character and the kind of person you and the person that I've come to know you to be, is just that what you see is what you get your amount of your word and you stick to it and you're very integrous in that.
Speaker 3:Thank you for that.
Speaker 4:So thank you for that. Actually, you really did make me feel welcome when I was a newbie in a very weird and wonderful place at the time, so thank you for that. Obviously for you moving to Australia. Let's progress from there. When did you start to get into martial arts?
Speaker 3:So prior to leaving New Zealand, dad always used to take me to judo class where he was teaching. Yeah, and I do have some faint memories, which are getting harder and harder to recall, of getting on the mats with him and him teaching me stuff. Yeah. There's always a hold. I remember that he taught me called Kesakatami and it will always stick with me to my last days.
Speaker 4:Kesakatami, kesakatami, yeah. Beauty and just the thought of that name sounds pretty cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's basically a choke on the ground that the other person getting choked can't get out of.
Speaker 4:Okay, I might have to learn that from you, matty.
Speaker 3:So making the transition from NZ to here, it was a matter of months. I'd have to say that we were at a local squash center and there was a taekwondo class running and it was a Korean master called Woon Sook Kim. He was an eighth degree black belt, probably five feet tall, but this man was doing incredible things that I was just gobsmacked with watching this little man spin around like a whirlwind and the things he could do with his legs and I was hooked.
Speaker 4:Well, that's I mean. Is that not the very like premise of martial arts? It's not about your size, it's about actually using your opponent's size against them.
Speaker 3:Yes and no. Yeah, it depends on what discipline of art you're following.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But Taekwondo has a unique history going back hundreds and thousands of years not hundreds of thousands, but thousands of years, when invaders on horseback would invade villages with no horses.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:Where these men could leap in the air and kick them off horses. Unreal. It started from a very primitive form called taekyeon, which was like a dance.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:And it evolved from there into what it is today. It's an Olympic martial art.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, obviously a big Olympic sport, as we know. Cool, so it's incredible.
Speaker 1:I'm pretty gobsmacked. I can kick people off horses. That was pretty cool.
Speaker 4:You wouldn't be able to, but most people would.
Speaker 1:I'd probably be a pony. Yeah, a pony, I'd probably pull a hemi. A little sausage dog yeah, hey hey, hey, two immigrants here Come on. Yeah, exactly Two immigrants here Come on. Yeah, exactly, come on Okay.
Speaker 4:Tell us about your Obviously competing at your first State championship at 17. How was that for?
Speaker 3:you. I was Nerves, nerves and just I didn't know what to expect Because I'm not A fighter by nature. You know I abhorred violence and it's kind of funny Considering my background but I never did it to pursue the will to fight. It was more a competition against another person. You weren't there trying to kill each other.
Speaker 1:You were there to fight for points type of thing you were there, you were there.
Speaker 3:Basically, I looked at it as a test to myself and learn from that person and get better, adapt to what I didn't do right and learn for next time. So I just remember basically shitting bricks. It was a very, very nerve-wracking experience my first one, yeah, okay. But you know, with the belief my coach had in me, I had to let go of my conscious thought and listen to his yeah, seeing some of those people on the mats too, that would have been very intimidating for you.
Speaker 3:Oh, it was, yeah, especially coming into it, you know never having competed before, because one of my first competitions was a state championship. Okay. And there's just an amount of talent out there, I've got no idea. So you're like geez, I hope I don't have him or have him. You know you get the draw and your divisions and everything and names and stuff. That doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 4:Yeah, did you feel obviously competing at this high level that it brought your relationship with your dad made it stronger? Absolutely, 100% yeah.
Speaker 3:Because he wanted nothing for me other than success.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And he drilled it into me. I mean saying that I gave up a life of being a teenager, going to parties, all that sort of stuff. I went to the odd one, but I chose to train. I chose to be in the class four or five nights a week, you know, and that's what I wanted. I wanted to be the best in what I was doing.
Speaker 3:Obviously, I didn't reach the pinnacle I wanted to, but I've learned to let that go Because I've achieved other things and moved on from that, but it's something I can look back With pride. Now Look back at pictures and videos and stuff like that and go, wow, you know, I actually did that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah, that's amazing. I'd say you're pretty successful. You've been to Korea and all that sort of stuff, so that's something to be prepared of, to be honest with you, in my opinion.
Speaker 4:How was? Yeah, tell us about that experience of going to Korea of all places.
Speaker 3:That is the birthplace, obviously, of Taekwondo and it was absolutely mind-blowing. It was amazing to see the skill level. I mean, koreans were feared for years, but then sort of mid-'90s, late-'90s Australian fighters started beating them, so there weren't. This aura of invincibility was quickly demolished. I remember getting through to the quarterfinals and came up against Corrine.
Speaker 4:I didn't advance any further than that, he gave me the good news for that.
Speaker 3:But it was such a thrill to have experienced. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Those life experiences kind of sit with you for the rest of your life, mate.
Speaker 3:Oh, it does yeah.
Speaker 4:When you experience getting to the peak of something that you're so passionate about and then competing it, and then, even though you lost, it's still such a cherished memory.
Speaker 3:Oh, it is, it always will be.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:So that's, that's what I mean I'd be still pretty happy with where you've come from. That is a great achievement to go to Korea, I reckon.
Speaker 3:Hindsight is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've done bloody well, I reckon, in my book.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, okay, so, progressing on from there, tell us about life after martial arts. You obviously finished school.
Speaker 3:Nice lights you obviously finished school yeah, finished high school Was very unsure what I was going to do. You know, I had aspirations to be a police officer Nice, Did I really? It was something I'd sort of dreamed of Every young boy does. But Dad sort of started introducing the thought of military service. Okay, so once I finished high school I thought what am I going to do? And Dad did exactly that.
Speaker 3:He steered me to the Royal Australian Air Force, where I enlisted and served as an ADG, which is an ADG or Airfield Defence Guard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow.
Speaker 3:I made some incredible friendships in there, friends that guys I'm still friends with today.
Speaker 1:Yeah right. You know as close as brothers.
Speaker 3:Yeah, as any serviceman would tell you the same thing, as close as brothers, as any serviceman would tell you the same thing.
Speaker 4:Yeah, a woman, yeah, same thing Tell us about your experience in the Australian Defence Force. What did you do? Was it something that you anticipated you would do for a long time? Was it?
Speaker 3:just going to be something short. Well, again, in hindsight it was something. If I hadn't met my current partner, who's now my wife and had my kids, I'd probably still be in there, but I wouldn't have met her unless I got out when I did. So I have no regrets at all at all.
Speaker 3:So I sort of mooched around Amberley in Queensland and Tyndall up in NT. Absolutely hate the heat and to this day I still hate the heat. It was hot up there. I've heard that I haven't been there, but I've heard, yeah, northern territories, soul sapping.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's one of those different heats I've been told the humidity's crazy. But yeah, off the chart yeah jeez.
Speaker 4:Okay, so Australian Defence Force. What was your role?
Speaker 3:Airfield Defence Guard. So if you think in terms of what everyone would have more of an idea about, say with the regular army and infantry soldier, we were like that but in a Royal Australian Air Force role where we would, if an airbase or installation come under attack, you would protect such assets and logistics and the airbase itself.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So you're basically defending any airfield against enemy attack so you would go out close with and meet the enemy yeah, so you weren't um flying or like any of the planes or anything like that, but your job was to protect like ground force role, yeah and capability yeah, it's interesting when you think of air force and you go, oh, you know part of the air force.
Speaker 4:You're thinking, okay, he's either a pilot or you know you worked on the planes or something like that. But your whole, your role, was nothing to do with the planes. Yeah, exactly, um, it literally was to protect the planes. Yeah, um, which you would think would just be the normal kind of artillery side of things. Um, what would you say was other than the camaraderie that you said with the brotherhood? What was your biggest takeaway from the Australian Defence Force?
Speaker 3:or your time there, should I say the belief that they instilled in you about yourself and what you can do and what you can achieve, and just having the idea of I can.
Speaker 4:Yeah, how did they instill that in you, matty? Through training.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's something I've moved on to instill in my kids. Rather than giving me 10 reasons why they can't do something, they'll always give me one reason why they can.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 3:So that's a philosophy I like to live my life by.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure.
Speaker 4:Don't give me excuses why you can't yeah.
Speaker 3:Okay, give me at least one reason why you can, that's that's a great philosophy, I think so.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 4:Just obviously, talking to you so far, maddie, um, you, you kind of your whole life was based on discipline and then moving obviously in in the fact that your martial arts background was very disciplined or orientated. Um, like you said, going through school you didn't do parties and things like that. You're very disciplined in the fact that you were, you were going to excel in your particular avenue of martial arts and things like that. And then moving through to what you were going to progress into after school, whether it be being in the police force or the australian defense force, was also very discipline orientated. Yeah, has your particular philosophy been that the more disciplined you are, the more you can achieve for yourself personally and those around you?
Speaker 3:I think it comes down to the individual themselves. Um, it's, it's a really good question. It's a really tough one to answer. So I'm a firm believer in fate and things happen for a reason. So for me to go from one area of my life that's followed up by a completely different sort of role, but still instilling that individual with the same principles that they've done in the previous part the martial arts part of life, it aided me to probably step up and succeed a bit quicker than others that hadn't had that level of discipline at a young age.
Speaker 4:Do you feel that that side has hindered you in any way, the fact that you have been so disciplined?
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, yes, absolutely yeah. Yeah, tell us a little bit about that been so disciplined yes, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, tell us a little bit about that. Regressing back to the adoption thing, I grew up spending my life, um, developing perfectionist traits, and I have severe ocd as a result, um, but once you've got your heart set on something and you're full tilt involved in that, you're not going to settle for less. Everything has to be 110%, no less. So, in a way, well, I found that was how I chose to live my life, and that in itself created its own problems further down the track because, as I said earlier, growing up with the realisation that I was adopted, it sort of planted a seed in my head that I was never good enough, if you understand what I mean, and it's something someone in my position would understand, because it leaves a big hole in your heart growing up, thinking why didn't they want me? Yeah.
Speaker 3:You can't afford to think like that. As I know now, I didn't know that then, but that carried on through my whole life and there was this big question mark going why, why, why, why? You know, yeah, and until the period of time when I went back for that holiday and met them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, that sort.
Speaker 3:The period of time when I went back for that holiday and met them that sort of answered a few questions that I had. But that nagging doubt that I was never good enough still continued on Now. I've since put that back to bed after events that happened last year which we'll get into in a bit.
Speaker 1:I can definitely see what you mean, though, where you're saying why, why, why, unless you find out yourself the truth and all that sort of stuff. I can understand why there would be such a big hole or a gap or whatever.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I can definitely see that and just yeah, like you said, the whole perfectionism thing I think definitely stems from the fact that, like you say, not being good enough. So you try and achieve things and do things to a particular standard, because you're trying to prove yourself not only to those around you but yourself at the same time, because you haven't come to terms with the fact that you are good enough and just who you are exactly.
Speaker 3:And it was a mindset I developed and I just fed it and fed it, and fed it, and fed it, and fed it until it overflowed yeah, yeah, wow, um so perfectionism.
Speaker 4:Obviously would you say that that's an asset, or would you say that it's it can.
Speaker 3:It is an asset, but it can also be a hindrance. I mean it's it's part of everything that I do in everyday life now, especially with softball. I think it's a trait my children have inherited.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Being the young age, being elite at their age. They are now playing softball. I see the pressure they put themselves on and again they want to be the best they can. So, I'll go back out and I'll swing that bat and my daughter will pitch that ball and pitch, and pitch until she's got skin off her fingers because she feels she's not good enough.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it really messes with your mental makeup because I can sit back and go oh my gosh, look at you go. She's like it's not good enough, dad.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I can totally understand. But anything I say to her is like someone saying that to me when I was her age and I just couldn't see it. So I'm not sure on how I can reciprocate her feelings. And do I just stand back or do I let her? You know, any father will just sit back and let them fall, but you're there to pick them up yeah so it's a lesson she may have to learn herself.
Speaker 4:I was gonna say so what? What kind of tools then would you use? Because obviously you can see that trait in your daughter um happening, and then, like you say, the fact that she drives herself so hard to a point where she's either taking the skin off or she's mentally, she's really like putting that pressure on herself. What would you say from your experience personally? Yeah, how would you say that there is a different way of doing it?
Speaker 3:We as human beings, over the eons, have talked about things, have communicated, but this day and age, with all the tech and as good as that can be, we've stopped communicating. No, yeah.
Speaker 3:There's not enough you know there's not enough communication, there's not enough talking about things that matter. And when you're talking to your child, you've got to get personal and you can't just brush it off as like don't worry about it. No, you've got to explore these things. And why are you feeling that? What is bringing, what's triggering this? You've got to talk to me back and tell me well, dad, this is because blah, blah, blah blah. But it can't be one way. If she's going to be vulnerable to me, I've got to be back to her.
Speaker 3:So if I can relate some experience I've had back to her. Maybe for her to see a bigger picture.
Speaker 1:Just about that might make her like understand a little bit more. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 3:But it comes down to talking to each other. Yeah, of course At a deep emotional level.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, it's very interesting. You said that. I actually read a quote the other day uh, I don't know who it was by, to be honest, but it was just something that really struck me and it said we are allowing intelligent people to be silenced because we are allowing too many people's opinions in our lives. Yeah, I totally agree, and it's interesting for you to say, like, with technology and things like that, with your daughter, um, and what we're exposing ourselves to, the fact that we are allowing so many people's opinions in our lives. We tend to find that a lot of people are negative or their opinions are not relevant to where we are, but yet we're obviously letting that information like define who we are. Yeah, and we're obviously letting that information define who we are.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we're allowing it because the world, as we know, is becoming a very toxic place. Of course it is, but out there, behind the scenes, there, are some beautiful things happening but we're just not privy to them.
Speaker 4:You just have to turn on the TV and watch the news or listen to the news on the radio and 90% of the stories we hear are negative. Yeah, um, you know, and it's pretty rare we hear anything good pretty rare that we hear good news on the news nowadays, yeah, um, and I think it's.
Speaker 4:And that's kind of the danger we have when it comes to the society we're kind of creating. And why we are having so many problems is because people are exposed to so many more negative things than there are positive things, and their circle of influence has become so much greater, yeah, so much greater. And I think that's what you were saying for your daughter is to kind of shrink that circle of influence for her, yeah, and then in that shrinking, to kind of weed out the negative.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, I tell her to always surround herself with people that make her do better. Not necessarily just feel better, but do better, and not just in sports, but as a human being.
Speaker 1:Surround yourself with people that are going to lift you higher.
Speaker 3:Yeah, feed off the positivity. You know what I mean. Don't let people bring you higher. Yeah, feed off the positivity, you know what I mean. Don't let people bring you down, yeah, ubuntu.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, he taught me a word last week.
Speaker 4:I taught you a word in Africa that we have. It's called Ubuntu and basically it means I am because you are. Yeah. And it's the whole concept of I am the best version of myself when those around me are the best versions of themselves. Yeah, I am the best version of myself when those around me are the best versions of themselves.
Speaker 1:And so, and what did I say In a nutshell?
Speaker 4:don't surround yourself with tossers, Tossers yes, that was Chevy's take from that.
Speaker 1:Honestly surround yourself with people that are going to yeah, as you said, cav, surround yourself with people that are going to lift you higher. You know, feed off the positivity, because there's too much negative shit going on nowadays and that's not good.
Speaker 3:But not so much just that, but it's these people that will talk to you on a level, an emotional level, where you feel open, you feel content to share personal things, not just with people who will go oh, I'm here if you want to talk.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they don't always mean it, they just want to know, what's going on in your life, so they can tell someone, and then they'll tell someone, and tell someone, and tell someone. It's a very big thing to share what's causing this level of whatever it is in your life is happening, and go around the traps a few times. You can pretty much work out who you can talk to, which is probably why I'm sitting here with you guys today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cool.
Speaker 3:Because when you brought the idea up I think I had answered before I'd made an emotional response in my head. I mean, I was so excited I thought, yeah, I'd love to be part of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is awesome. Well, this is what we want to do. Yeah, we want to have people like yourself on that, want to talk and want to share the light, because hopefully there's someone listening to this podcast right now that goes, oh shit, I've been in his position, or do you know what I mean? We want to help people, just to speak up.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's awesome. Let's progress a little bit. Obviously, you've mentioned previously when we've been talking in this podcast, you said it all kind of culminated last year, being 2023. Tell us a little bit about obviously leading up to this event. And then what happened in 2023 with you, Matty.
Speaker 3:Okay, so we're going to get in the rabbit hole here. So April May last year I had a very severe mental breakdown. April May last year I had a very severe mental breakdown. I've suffered from depression from the youngest age I can possibly remember and I've lived with that my whole life and a big part of that I've ignored my whole life. So not to delve into it and make a three-hour-long podcast, I had a basket. Everyone has a basket in their soul, okay.
Speaker 4:Figuratively, yeah, figuratively speaking.
Speaker 3:And I call it the to-do later basket or deal with later basket. Except my basket never got dealt with through life. Everything I crammed in there, it just stayed in there and kept getting fuller and fuller, because I'd always put myself in a position where I would worry about everyone else first. It was never about me because it didn't feel right. So you put yourself out there for other people and you're taking on their emotional auras and you're stuffing that in your body so it can become quite toxic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:You're not cleaning it, you're not cleansing yourself, you're just burying all this trauma, all this stuff. That's happening. Anyway, april last year, at a very public softball tournament, my wife was coaching a women's team at a state championship and my son happened to be the trigger that day that lit the fuse and started the timer ticking and I think within a minute of the situation developing, it just went boom and if you can imagine a volcano exploding in the lava, that was me. I was just in a world of hurt and agony and I remember removing myself from the situation because there was a lot of people around and I think there was one or two guys that were commenting you know, get out your dickhead, blah, blah, blah. Now, like I said earlier, I'm not a fighter, but I was feeling so much pain that I wasn't looking for confrontation, but I would have welcomed it.
Speaker 4:You know what?
Speaker 3:I mean but that scares me knowing what I know and what I could potentially do to someone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3:And at the time I had dreads, as you know, and my wife found me later on and I was on my haunches with my hands in my hair, clawing at my hair, ripping them out, and I wasn't aware any of this was happening. I was just so focused on this wound. That had finally rushed out and opened and I remember saying to her the first words out of my mouth were I need help, and she didn't know what to say.
Speaker 3:I didn't know what to say. And she was in a bind because her game was about to start. She was the head coach. She had to go. I said, look, just go. I'll deal with what's happening right now as best. I can. So I removed myself from the area. The day went through, we got back to the hotel and I just went mute and that's. I'm a very quiet person by nature, unless I'm comfortable with who's around me.
Speaker 1:Then I'll open up a bit Okay.
Speaker 3:The next day. Apparently it's the same thing. I was just. I just wanted to be by myself. I just could not handle interaction with anyone. I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be surrounded by people. The mask had come off. I'd been so good at putting it on over the years and it finally fell off. Part of me thought, thank God, it's's about time. But if you can imagine a raw nerve ending that's open and how much agony you would be in with that, I was.
Speaker 4:I was hurting big time how was your, how was your partner in the situation? Obviously seeing you the day before oh she.
Speaker 3:I think it really scared her because she said the look in my eyes. She'd never seen anything like it and I was conscious of how I was feeling. By no means am I a violent person, but I was ready to inflict violence.
Speaker 4:Because how long had you and your partner been together up until this?
Speaker 3:point 16 years. We just had our 17th anniversary last week. Yeah, congratulations, thank you, that's amazing.
Speaker 4:So for 16 years she had been with you and she had said she had never seen this look that you had had. Yeah, Would have been scary for her as well.
Speaker 3:It was, and she couldn't focus on her role for that game. And I can't remember what happened the rest of those two days because I was just swallowing in whatever I was in. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I get home and no one knew what to say to me and I didn't want to talk, because I, I just didn't want to talk. Because, I heard too much to, to To even tell them what I was experiencing at that moment. Yep, and I remember just I think it was like four days I was just mute fetal position and I just thought, my God, I'm at rock bottom here.
Speaker 3:And if you can visualise a big black abyss millions of miles deep. I was standing right on the edge with half my feet hanging over, and it was single swim time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:You know, I really felt that bad about myself in my head and I just thought look, you've got a decision to make here. You can keep on going or you can just take yourself out. But amongst all that negativity and poison that was surging through my body, there was this faint spark I could feel in my body going hey, man, I'm still here. And it was deep, very deep within me. And it was calling and it was so minutely quiet. It was like a whisper, but I knew it was there, but I wasn't paying attention to it. And then help came from a very unexpected source, because I was due to go back to work after that weekend and I remember ringing one of our supervisors who was on his way to London at the time and he just said look, I can't really talk at the moment. I'm so sorry. I know it's a really bad time for you, but ring such and such. It was one of the guys up in management at work. I'm not going to mention names.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's all right.
Speaker 3:The next day, after you guys had all gone out into the pit to work, I sat in the car for nearly an hour and a half and said to myself get your ass out and you get in there, otherwise leave. And if I had left, I think the choice would have been very, very drastic, very bad. So I summoned up the courage, put my shame and all that aside and I went to this man's office. He was expecting me and he said come in, sit down. He said, mate, hang on.
Speaker 3:I took the phone off the hook, turned his phone off, gave him his full attention and said what can I do? What's going on, talk to me. Gave me his full attention and said what can I do? What's going on, talk to me. For over two hours he sat there and listened. You know, listen to everything I was saying, what happened over the weekend and what led up to it, blah, blah, blah. And, and it totally blew me away. Even to this day I've got a lot of respect for this individual as a result of just being human and listening to someone who was in such a bad state.
Speaker 3:So he got me on the road to recovery we'll call it because it started and he put me in touch with some health professionals and I think for another few days after that I had to build the strength and it seems so minutely silly now that I think about it, but I had to build the courage up again to call this woman and say I'm in a really bad way, I need to talk to you, I need you to listen, and that's all it was.
Speaker 3:It was a phone call, but you don't know what's happening in somebody's head at a time like that, and it felt like walking up a mountain for me to ring that number and speak to her. But once I did I thought you know, she sounds really nice.
Speaker 1:Huge weight would have lifted off your shoulders too. It did.
Speaker 3:Initially it did. I thought, right, you know this is going to happen, We'll join the dots later, but X, Y, Z, the plan's in place. So three to four times a week. I had about nearly two months off work. I'd be meeting with this beautiful lady I won't name her either and, as a result of talking with her, she was there in a no judgment capability. She would just sit there and listen and write stuff down, as she would in her role. But she got me writing. She said, Matt, I want you to go and get some full scale books and to start writing. No matter what it is, write it down and we'll look at it next visit. So I did what she did, what she said, sorry, and ended up writing just page after page after page after page, as you can imagine and filled all these books up in between visits and she's gone.
Speaker 3:oh my God. You know this is really good, keep this up. But what I didn't realise at the time was I was bringing up so many repressed memories and traumas and things that I'd forgotten and buried because I didn't want to deal with it. Remember the basket?
Speaker 3:Shove it in there and worry about lad, because someone else is more important. Once I found I was releasing all of this poison as I called it that was coming out of my body, I started to feel lighter, if that makes sense, because I felt so weighed down with the pressure and everything I was feeling. But mind you, this didn't happen overnight. This was over a course of time, and I'm still in touch with her today. But a few little things she got me to do was because I was so focused on everyone else's needs and not mine. She wanted me to take one hour out of every day just to do something for me. Now, initially it felt awkward because I wasn't used to it. Um, but if it was something little like laying on the lounge for an hour reading a book because I love reading, or being outside in the garden, or just something for one hour, domestic side of life could wait.
Speaker 3:The house could wait, washing, all that sort of jazz, and that started to slowly build a habit, and a habit that I started initiating into everyday life. So the habit grew and grew and grew and grew, so that one hour a day that I still do is just for me. Initially it felt selfish. It felt not right, but then it made sense. You know down the track, and to move a mountain you have to move the first bit of dirt. You can't just push the whole thing aside yeah exactly.
Speaker 3:And I was walking up the biggest bloody mountain of my life at the time. So we did a lot of talking, a lot of agony, a lot of crying, and I'm not ashamed to admit that Men can cry. Men need to talk because this stuff is something that's so serious that it takes that many lives every year I could have been one of those statistics. I've got three beautiful kids. I would never have got married, would never have bought our dream home that we bought last year. So a lot of things.
Speaker 3:I got to see my daughter play for Australia this year for softball and that was something that filled me with so much joy and a trigger that makes me happy today is my kids, watching them play at the levels of elitism that they play at being young as well, and just knowing that I'm glad I didn't make the wrong decision because it would have been very easy to do there, and then I was that bad.
Speaker 4:I mean geez Matty so much in that that you just said that was inspiring in so many ways, that that you just said that was, I mean, inspiring in so many ways, was for me just to hear you say the courage it took to get help.
Speaker 3:Oh it did. It was immense. Could you imagine sitting in your car trying to talk yourself out of doing something that you know? If you're out of sugar, there's no drama. Walking next door going? Hey, you got any sugar. I know it's not the same thing, but it kind of is. You're asking somebody to help me, but it was more of a plea. Yeah, okay, and for someone who's never experienced what I have just spoken about, it's a very daunting thing. It really is.
Speaker 4:And I think for me, just something that I really did take out of that, that was, I don't want to say surprising, but the fact that the person you got the help from in the beginning was someone that you wouldn't have expected Exactly, and that just goes to show that sometimes we tend to look at the people closest to us for help, and sometimes it's the people that aren't necessarily the closest, that you least expect that are actually the ones that'll give us the help that we need, and maybe it's because they're not as close as the people around us yeah
Speaker 4:that they're able to see that and able to distance the emotional side of it away. Yeah, and that's why they are able to give us the most help that we can get in the moment, and I think, um, that, for me, was one of the most incredible things that you spoke about. There was just this particular individual who didn't really mean anything to you Other than the fact that you worked with them and they were your superior and your job, and yet they took the time and the effort oh look, they did that and more.
Speaker 3:He said to me when I left in the car park. He hugged me and he said mate, I don't care if you like this or not, but I'm going to check up on you. I don't care if you don't answer your phone, but I'm going to text you. And he did true to his word. Every couple of days he'd send me a message how you going mate, how you hanging in there. And, like I said, that in itself is something so unfathomable that I'll forever be grateful to that man for what he did. That is awesome. It's amazing.
Speaker 4:Unbelievable. So the light at the end of the tunnel, as you said, obviously dealing with the particular, I want to say disease or illness being depression that you had, you had to go through the light at the end of the tunnel for you. Um, coming through all of that, as you said, bought your dream house.
Speaker 3:Yeah, look it's. I'm not out of the waters yet yeah. I've got a better hold on it because I've been given tools yeah how to deal with the triggers that I now notice um would you say it's a consistent road to recovery.
Speaker 4:It's not like a oh yeah, it's, it's. It's something you'll always work on for the rest of your life.
Speaker 3:Look, it's changed me as an individual yeah I can see that a lot of people can see that now. Um, but my partner, my wife, had to educate herself because it's something I'd, she knew I'd touched on, but it's something I never delved into fully, like I didn't open myself up.
Speaker 3:I'm a very guarded person, very private person, and I know it's my significant other, but I mean she experienced the worst of it when it happened, when it did. But the night we got married I remember looking at her and in New Zealand we have a tree called a kauri tree K-A-U-R-I kauri and it's a significant type of wood. Now she was like my personal Cody tree and in the fact that when I was being pushed and blasted to every which way in hell, she was rooted in the ground behind me with her arms like branches around me.
Speaker 3:And that's exactly what I said to her. I said I'll never forget that.
Speaker 1:That's awesome that she was there to have you back. You know what I mean through this whole deal.
Speaker 3:She was there in the background, because she knows I don't like being prodded. I will open up if and when I'm ready to Okay yep. And she would never force it, Yep, but she would always sit there with her hand on or, you know, lay with the head on my lap. Just knowing was enough for me to go. This is the one for me.
Speaker 4:That's when I knew that I wanted this is going to be my wife. Well, that was a cool story in itself.
Speaker 3:That's what.
Speaker 4:I know, obviously, we know firsthand.
Speaker 3:That's awesome. Yeah, you were there, Shep. Yeah, I was there. Unfortunately, I was not able to be there. Shame is meant to be.
Speaker 4:But it all culminated. It was a good night this year when you obviously asked her to be your bride and she was not aware of it actually, no, it was 10 years to the day we got married that I asked her at her 40th proposed to her.
Speaker 3:I never knew that until someone told me later in the night Holy man, check this out 10 years ago. Wow, yeah, pulled it off, pulled it off, yeah, secret wedding yeah, it was good. It was awesome, good feed too Good feed, it was a good feed.
Speaker 4:That's the way the Chevy's hot for sure.
Speaker 1:No, it was awesome. I liked the Hucker too. The usual did that was. I love that thing, man it was awesome.
Speaker 3:It was a good night, Great With the fact that I have my wife she's a very strong, mouldy woman and one of the things I was overjoyed with when I got to starting to know her family was the amount of love they had for each other and the laughter, and they just continuously take the piss out of each other and it's never personal.
Speaker 3:It's just, oh, it's a beautiful thing to witness, to sit there and look at these fellas just do their thing. And because I'd done all this self-solitary existence while I was growing up, with training and stuff, I really learnt how to laugh again and look at myself in a different light and loosen up a bit. I guess you could call it because I was quite a serious young man as you can imagine, yeah. Yeah, I'm just grateful to have that aspect in my life now.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's amazing. So obviously on the road to recovery, Matty, Congratulations obviously.
Speaker 1:Thank you yeah definitely.
Speaker 4:It's something that I think you need to be commended about. Firstly, starting that journey takes huge courage and bravery to do that. But not only have you started that journey. There's something else as well that's come out of that. That's really close to your heart as well, isn't there? Do you want to share that with us?
Speaker 3:before I do. I think the journey in itself is, like I said, something that's ongoing, but I'm looking at it now work of bettering myself, because anyone who knows me I mean, I'm not what you see at work Obviously you can tell. Now I'm being very open and very unguarded. Yes, so to share what I am, it's a very big deal for me, but this needs to be talked about. Men need to start talking to each other about this. It's not weak.
Speaker 4:That's why we started this podcast.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that's right. So, out of all of this, if there's one person that can pick up on this and go, hey, I know him. I might give him a call and, oh look, I'm more than welcome to sit there at three in the morning and listening to anyone who's going through what I've just been through, because to have just one person makes, oh my God, such a difference.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I'm hoping too, Matty. I'm hoping people do listen to this and they get inspired by what you've said today and go. It's okay for people to speak up. It is, it's a pride thing it is.
Speaker 3:I mean, I went through the range kaleidoscope of emotions and a lot of the key ones were shame and embarrassment, and it's just that negativity in your head that's feeding it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And the hardest part was to learn to shut that off. But that's when that little voice that was buried deep inside of me started coming to the surface and getting louder and louder and louder. Yeah, and the day it was at full bore, I was standing in front of a bag at home. I thought, oh, that voice is going to kick it. Just kick it, hit it. Come on, old time's sake, give it a go. So I did, lifted the leg, bang, and there's that slap. And that brings you back to the dojang when you're training, and the sweat and the smell, the uniforms and the motion and the noise and the vibe Bang again, bang. Other leg bang, bang, bang. An hour and a half later you're soaked in sweat and I'm like my God, I've missed this. But what I found through that was I'm a Libra by birth sign and I'm a big fan of balance and when I'm out of whack, I'm out of whack, and it just felt like my scales had been tilted and put back to natural balance. And.
Speaker 3:I'm a big believer in harmony. I love harmony. I love everything around me to be in harmony and when it's not, it's like it's chaos in my head.
Speaker 3:So I've had to do a lot of soul searching about look, this has happened. You've got to accept it, not forget it. Accept it. We've got to go through it and deal with it. And it's going to hurt, but you have to do it, man. You've got to do it, you. And it's going to hurt, but you have to do it, man, you've got to do it. You've got to move on from it. But out of that, the phoenix comes out of the fire. I've had to remould, rethink, recalibrate my neurons in my head. I've got to start thinking differently. I've got to start programming my mind again, and a lot of that went back to when I was younger, about how I would program the training. That's when the perfectionism comes back in, it's like I'm not happy with this.
Speaker 3:This is what I'm gonna do and step by step, by step by step, you know you, you recreate yourself. If you know what I mean yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 4:And so what are you recreating, maddie?
Speaker 3:I'm recreating the me that I was meant to be. I think, like I said, I've got no fight in me. I'm a very casual person, greasy person, and I'm very. For one of the first times in my life, I can say I'm very proud of who I am now, because I've been through hell and back and I mean I know there's millions of people out there that have been through probably worse than I have. But if the spotlight was just on me for now which it is I'm very, very proud because last year was just a tumultuous year in terms of just horrible shit happening. Like I said earlier, I lost my dad in late September. He lost a battle with dementia. I was lucky enough to be there with him when he passed, but that is something that I'm still dealing with. It's something I'm always going to be dealing with. I love my dad so much and the grief is the hardest thing I'm coming to terms with.
Speaker 3:And that, in turn, is creating a lot of anger. It's not anger directed at anyone.
Speaker 1:It's just frustration.
Speaker 3:The helplessness. I couldn't do anything to help him you know what I mean, and you never realize how much you miss something until it's gone yeah, you know so people out there listening. If you got someone you love and tell them it's not hard absolutely, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:I think for me, hearing you say that, matty, the first step to obviously anyone getting on the road of recovery is just purely just asking the closest person for help. Yeah. It doesn't have to be someone that they're close to specifically or anything like that, it's just the closest person at the time, just reach out, ask for help and most of the time people help.
Speaker 3:People are empathetic by human nature, like you say they have to be, and if you're lucky enough to find someone like that, it's going to blow their socks off because they're not going to be prepared for what they're about to hear. But if you're genuine and you're sincere and you're 100% with that person, just listen to them.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. So some of the cool things that have obviously come out the last year from you getting on this journey of I want to say recovery, but I'm going to change that from recovery and I'm going to say remolding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and there's a lot of life lessons in between.
Speaker 4:So let's just say remolding, reshaping. So you're on this road now of recreating who you are as a person.
Speaker 3:I mean nobody's perfect. I know I'm not. There's a lot of work I've got to do still, but I'm trying.
Speaker 4:Absolutely so. Now that you're on this road of remoulding, reshaping, recreating who you are, obviously the key things that have come out of it. Your partner remarried. You've got to obviously see the special moments with your kids. Yeah, your relationship with your kids are probably a lot stronger, and from it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but for me there's also one other thing that I think you're missing out you've started a journey of study oh, yes, yes, yes, yes um so I was very inspired by the health professional who has been helping me so far and it's something I'll be talking to her a lot about, and we've sort of worked together to come to a decision where I'm going to follow the same sort of process. So Mental Health Counselling 101, here I come.
Speaker 1:Really. Yeah, oh, that's awesome, matty, that's really cool. Congratulations.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Yeah, it's awesome, Matty.
Speaker 1:That's really cool Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, it's awesome. An avenue.
Speaker 3:I've always been interested in. My dad was a psychiatrist. Later in life he put himself through uni. And we always had these deep-ass discussions about ego and human nature and why we do the things we do, and fascinating stuff. It may not be to others, the listeners, but it was just time with my dad that I really enjoyed.
Speaker 1:But it comes back to helping people.
Speaker 3:Yeah sure, I mean that's awesome, a human being and just being yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, of course I think that's awesome and, as I said to you, congratulations. That's awesome that you are pursuing an avenue something that you're passionate about.
Speaker 3:It's something I wanted to do through work for work, okay, but nothing's eventuated on that front. So I said, well, bugger it, I'm going to do it myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fair enough. I think that's awesome and that's why we started this, because I mean, I know you're doing the study thing and all that, but this is why we started our podcast.
Speaker 3:Because we want to help people too, but just obviously in our own way. It's funny. So, growing up, you never know what you want to be or what you want to do with your life, but then fate steps in and says yep, you haven't listened to me all these years yeah, so bang cop this yep and out of that, this rainbow moment and a halo moment comes across and goes this is what you're meant to do yeah so growing up, you think, what am I going to do?
Speaker 3:with my life, yep, and you never know until something significant like that happens.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. Well, matty, from our side, congratulations Well done. I have the utmost respect for you as an individual, from the journey you've had to walk through to the journey that you will continue to walk through. I know I can probably speak on behalf of chef's side. We will 100 be there walking beside you, like we have been yep, as long as we've known you um we're, we are your biggest supporters definitely other than probably your partner and your kids.
Speaker 4:Uh, and we are really excited for the journey that you are now kind of going on, uh, with regards to, obviously, your counseling and who knows what will happen for you in the future and you know the things that you'll achieve so from our side, we want to say well done.
Speaker 1:Yeah definitely. Thank you, boys.
Speaker 2:Give me a yeah, listen to me, it gets into the ear, it gets into it.
Speaker 1:I'll wait, I'll make settles down a bit. No honestly. I just want to say I've known Matty for the best part of five years now and I like to say like not trying to piss in his pocket or anything like that but he's been a great friend to me. He's always looked after me out at work and stuff like that and. I'll definitely stand by him every step of the way.
Speaker 4:He's a great mate and I honestly wish him all the best with his studies and all that sort of stuff and yeah, I hope he goes well yeah, you're an inspiration and I hope everyone listening managed to gain a lot of insight, not only to who you are but the journey that you've had to walk through and the struggles that you've walked through, and whoever is listening and maybe experiencing that, I think the biggest thing I can say is just reach out.
Speaker 3:Yeah absolutely, I mean and for anyone who's listening. You don't know what somebody's going through. You don't know what's going on behind closed doors, figuratively speaking. We put on so many different masks and personas in different situations.
Speaker 3:But you should always be wary of that noncommittal joke that you think is going to be funny, because that could be a trigger to someone and they could be absolutely on their last limit and that could just be the trigger that makes them snap. You don't know what that person has been through. You don't know what they're capable of doing as a result. So it comes back to just being a human being and just if you've got nothing nice to say, and don't say it at all.
Speaker 3:You know, what I mean yeah, and this is where we're detracting from in society because of social media and all that sort of shit, where it's so easy to comment on somebody's whatever it is, that you see a lot of it, you know and it's not needed. Some people feel the need to do it, but just always remember, keeping the back of your mind, that maybe it's not worth saying after yeah, yeah, no, that's a beautiful, beautiful point to end on, matty.
Speaker 4:So to wrap us up, I want to say thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker 1:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 4:It has been a complete honour and….
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've enjoyed today uh, today's episode. I've enjoyed this story and, yeah, thank you very much for coming on the show. Thank you.
Speaker 4:You are exactly the kind of person that we are wanting on definitely and so to have you as our first guest yeah, one of many to come. We want to say thank you for for taking that chance on us as a podcast and just also being vulnerable, especially us just starting out. So thank you for taking the chance on us and giving us a crack, thank you for the opportunity, thank you for being vulnerable and, shiv, thank you very much for today.
Speaker 1:Thank you very much. Appreciate it Just quickly before I go, just don't forget guys Helpline out there. So 13, 11, 14,. If you are in trouble or you need help or anything, don't forget to call helpline. You know? And um, yeah, just make sure there's someone else to lean on. Yeah, if you're in danger or you need help with anything, absolutely so 13, 11, 14 and always leave that light on that is yes, definitely leave the light on, always leave the light on.
Speaker 4:Always leave the light on. Um, if you haven't followed us on our socials, jump, jump onto Instagram, facebook, leave a line on podcast, give us a follow, give us a shout out, yep, share that page for us and then, as Maddie said, to end us off don't forget.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's leave a line on. Leave that line on Awesome. See you guys, see ya.
Speaker 3:See ya.